How to Attract a Man

There’s someone specific you’re interested in, and you’re not sure what in the world you should do about it. Should you:

(a) Let him know?

(b) Find out if he’s interested in you first?

(c) Do nice things for him so that he’ll notice you?

(d) Unleash your inner sex siren and use him as target practice?

(e) Agonize indecisively until he walks out of your life forever?

First of all, I want you to know that I don’t criticize you for picking any of those options. Sometimes we don’t get up the courage to approach the man of our dreams, and that’s OKAY. Our painful feelings of regret will drive us to make sure we don’t let a second opportunity pass us by.

Every man we meet gives us an opportunity to find the seduction style that best suits us. For some women, pulling out all the stops makes the poor man’s jaw drop, while other women pull it off with flare. Some women are too sensitive to rejection to approach a man without knowing that he has at least some level of interest in her. Other women find it easier to be blunt and find out, once and for all, whether their interest is reciprocated, so that they can get on with their lives.

What I CAN give you are 3 tips for ensuring that you don’t make a fool out of yourself in your attempt to attract a man that you’re interested in.

1. Don’t make assumptions.

You won’t know if he’s perfect until AFTER you’ve been in a committed relationship with him, so don’t jump to the conclusion that he’s Mr. Right just because he’s so good-looking and so nice and such a catch!

Very few women understand that the perfect relationship is not composed of two perfect people: it’s composed of two imperfect people who happen to work harmoniously together.

He may be the perfect man on paper, but that’s no guarantee he’ll be perfect for YOU. You have no clue what a man will be like as a boyfriend or a husband until you’ve been in a committed relationship together for some time.

So steer clear of assumptions about what kind of couple you two would make. Right now, you’re only making a guess that you two would be good together. Wait and let time tell the whole story.

2. Don’t give up your power.

Time and time again, I’ve seen beautiful, intelligent, fiercely independent women become doormats when they fall in love with the wrong guy. They believe that it is a sign of their deep devotion when they take drunken calls from him, accept verbal abuse, and do nice favors that are rarely reciprocated, all the while defending the object of their affections: “He didn’t mean it.” “I have to be the better person.”

Men know when we’re silly-mad in love with them. They know that they can do anything, and we’ll still love them. As a result, many of them like to test the boundaries, just as children test the boundaries with their parents. Some men stay out late; other men say hurtful things. Still other men sleep around.

When a woman gives away her power in the early days of a relationship, then she must be willing to accept the consequences.

One solution is to hold yourself back just enough that you stay clear-headed. If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed by emotion around him, so that the stars in your eyes are obscuring your vision, excuse yourself. Step outside or use the bathroom. Remind yourself that although you’re enjoying his company right now, you don’t know him very well. Stay alert for any signs that there’s something “off.” Take what he says on good faith, but don’t believe him blindly.

I’ll leave you with a story about how one man, a self-confessed player who dated up to four women simultaneously, chose the women he would seduce. He admitted that he never was able to date “intelligent” women, because they would see right through him. He had the highest chances of success, he said, with women that seemed “clingy.” In other words, women who liked him too much.

3. Don’t let yourself feel embarrassed or ashamed around him.

This, you might think, is a strange recommendation. Why would a woman feel embarrassed or ashamed around someone she likes?

Shyness. The feeling that she’s not worthy of him. Embarrassment about the explicitness of her fantasies about him. Anxiety caused by not knowing what she can do to make him attracted to her.

Need I go on?

Clearly, we can experience a number of uncomfortable emotions when we’re in the presence of someone we like a lot. Our emotional discomfort will often cause us to act in artificially ways. For example, we may become brighter, more bubbly versions of ourselves. We may talk faster or in a higher-pitched voice than usual. We may flirt in ways that seem completely out of character.

Worst of all, we may avoid direct eye contact with him, because we’re worried that he’ll see through us into our hearts and discover the truth.

To be your authentic self around the man you like, you must not let feelings of shame or embarrassment keep you from feeling confident, genuine, and at ease around him.

For more information on how to do this, and how to overcome shyness, which is one of the biggest factors preventing us from approaching men that we like, visit my website! I offer a free newsletter series that includes articles on how to ask a man out WITHOUT asking him on a date, how to get more male attention, and how to get noticed if someone you like doesn’t even know you exist. Sign up today at:

http://www.000relationships.com/tomen

Comments: 30 and Never Had a Real Date

Men to Avoid Dating – A Girl’s Conversation Cheat Sheet

Are you a single woman trying to find your Mr. Right? Then you need my ‘Conversation Cheat Sheet’. It helps you avoid meeting or considering a first date with a guy who is wrong for you. My cheat sheet works best when you haven’t met the guy yet. Let’s say you’ve started talking on the phone after he’s contacted you from an internet dating site. My cheat sheet shows you how to find those red flags that tell you when the guy is “bad news”. The most important thing you must realize is that talking on the phone at length with a guy you’re considering meeting for first time or even considering a first date with after you briefly met  each, is very important if you are looking to find a potential “friend/companion with benefits, love interest, or dating partner”. Screening a guy on the phone is crucial. Why?

Well, the 1st reason you must talk at length on the phone before you meet him or date him is because you have to find out about his “attitude” about key things in his life, including his attitude about himself and the people in his life. Believe it or not, a guy’s attitude about his life is easy to detect when you talk on the phone once you know what questions to ask and how to read his attitude in his answers. And that’s why I devised this cheat sheet; to show you how to read his attitude. You can figure out his attitude about a lot of things in just a few phone conversations. And that attitude will tell you how well he will treat you, whether you are compatible, and whether he can offer you what you are looking for in a dating relationship. Find this hard to believe? Are you saying to yourself right about now, “Yeh, right, I barely got to know my boyfriend after dating him 6 months, so how will I know anything about a guy in just 2 phone conversations?” Well, most women do find out a lot about a guy’s attitude on a myriad of things in just a few phone conversations, but they do not consciously acknowledge seeing these things to themselves. That’s because they are so intent on landing a guy, that they just want him to like her and desire her. They just worry about the guy wanting them instead of focusing on whether the guy is even right for them. And that’s the problem with feeling desperate about getting a boyfriend. You make choices based on fear, and not based on truly loving and caring about yourself.

The 2nd reason you must use this cheat sheet and screen a guy on the phone is because you must get in touch with YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT THE GUY’S ATTITUDE. Yes, believe it or not, we usually have already established in our mind subconsciously an attitude about the guy we’ve spoken to. We have reacted to his words and formed our own attitude about his attitude on life and buried it deep inside us. So, this cheat sheet is really a way for us to acknowledge what we already see about him and unearth our attitude about it. We will see if he is going to have an attitude that focuses on us and respects us and treats us well. We will frankly see our attitude about his attitude towards his ex. We will acknowledge when we don’t like his attitude about blaming his wife for everything. We will acknowledge how we feel, which is “if he can talk this way about her, he can treat us in the same disrespectful way.” We often “blindly” see red flags about the guys we date and ignore them. But when we follow the cheat sheet, we face seeing these things and don’t blindly give a guy a chance thinking this time he’ll be different with us. The truth is, for most guys, they never change how they live their life or treat women. They won’t work less, stop being promiscuous, spend less time with their kids or be less frugal with money.

One of the things women tell me when they use “the Cheat Sheet” is that they never find a guy that passes the cheat sheet test. “If I go by the cheat sheet,” then I’ll never have anyone to date” they tell me. And my answer to you is this: The cheat sheet works in miraculous ways. It helps you to eliminate many potentially bad dating partners in your life. Yes, you may have a dry spell from dating anyone for awhile, but you are also avoiding many potentially bad relationships. You may be dateless for months, passing up opportunity after opportunity with all those potentially wrong partners. And then, one day, when you are open and free and have made it clear to the universe exactly who you are looking for, that guy who passes the cheat sheet with flying colors will come into your life. Yes, you may not date as much at the beginning of using the Cheat Sheet test and that’s fine. Being selective means weeding out all those potentially wrong partners. Giving anyone a chance by dating him is just telling the universe there is something about this guy I don’t like but that’s okay. ‘”It’s okay for me to date guys that have things about them I don’ like” is the message you give the universe. Because the truth is, deep in your subconscious you are aware of the hings you don’t like about him. And that is why this type of guy keeps entering your life:  The wrong one for you that you just keep accepting.

Another reason it’s important not to meet or date a guy you’ve met right away is because, when you meet a guy and have a strong physical attraction to him, all your common sense about whether he’s right for you goes out the window. Yes, you’ll tend to overlook those red warning flags about him that will ultimately make you miserable when the sexual chemistry starts to wane in the relationship. The Cheat Sheet gives you red warning flags about a GUY’S ATTITUDE that shows whether he is capable of being a caring and giving love partner. It gets you in touch with your attitude about whether he is right for you. Most women look at statistical facts about a guy to decide if he is dating worth dating her. But statistical facts mean very little. Why? Because a guy can make $150,000 yearly and be so cheap that he acts like he earns $35,000 yearly; a guy can be a loving father with his kids and make them his whole life to the point of making you feel like “the other woman” in his life; a guy can have a great job and work day and night and never be there mentally or emotionally for you. Get the picture? It’s his attitude about money, his kids, and his job that matter. And this attitude is one he will show you when you talk on the phone, if you know how to look for it.

My Cheat Sheet covers a man’s attitude about these key areas of his life:

1) his attitude about past relationships with women including his wife

2) his attitude about work and play

3) his attitude about valuing the things you value in your life

4) his attitude about money

5) his attitude about sex and monogamy

6) his attitude about his hobbies and addictions

7) his attitude about his kids

8) his attitude about himself and his life in general .

There is a lot you can tell about a guy’s attitude in the key areas of his life from just a few conversations with him, without getting into details and facts about his life. Most guys are very transparent about their attitude towards women, work, money, sex, their kids, and you. It’s his attitude about these things that matter more than the facts about them. Knowing his attitude about these things just takes a few phone conversations, when you know what to talk about and focus on. And a few phone calls is a whole lot better than going out on an uncomfortable blind date and then realizing the guy isn’t for you. So if a guy pressures you to meet him right away, just say you aren’t sure yet when you’ll be free. Let him keep calling you and you’ll eventually get a good idea about his attitude on a lot of things very quickly. And if he passes the “Cheat Sheet Red Flag test”, then meet him with the positive attitude of knowing he has the potential of being a good partner for someone. And that someone might possibly be you. After all, wouldn’t you prefer to know before meeting a guy that he is cheap or a workaholic, than start dating him and finally realize it after months of dating? I know I wish I had.

So let’s get started:

The Cheat Sheet Test Red Flag #1: His Attitude about his Past Relationships with Women

You don’t need to know the details about how many women he’s dated since his divorce or how many women he’s had sex with since he left his wife, even though it would be nice to know. Most likely a guy will not want to talk about it or tell you the true details on the phone before he meets you (or possibly ever). But he will usually have something to say about his ex and why the marriage ended or why the relationship ended with his girlfriend. You must bring up the subject by asking him how long he was with his ex and why the relationship or marriage ended. Then sit back and LISTEN TO THE FIREWORKS DISPLAY! The most important thing is HIS ATTITUDE about the past women in his life. Does he act respectful towards his ex? Does he harbor angry feelings? Does he blame her for ruining his life? Does he show resentment towards her? Does he have the attitude that she was the one responsible for the marriage ending or she cheated on him? Does he have the attitude that he was a victim of her mean, cheating, unappreciative behavior? Does he own up to any part in the relationship failing? Does he refer to her using derogatory words like “bitch” or “slut”? Does he still have a good relationship with her if he shares custody of the kids with her? Another sign to look for is whether he is still emotionally attached to his ex. Does he talk about her endlessly by either talking about how much he dislikes/hates her; all the things she did to him; or can he not even bring up the subject of talking about her without looking like he’s going to implode? Some men are not emotionally over an ex, the pain or anger is deep within them and you will sense it. AVOID MEETING OR DATING GUYS LIKE THIS. If he has a healthy attitude about women and his ex, he may say very little but what he does say will sound respectful and he will act fine with the fact the relationship ended. He will not hold any grudges or harbor any ill will or deep rooted resentment and anger. When a man is narcissistic, with deep rooted anger issues towards women, he never owns up to his responsibility in a relationship or life in general. Sometimes a man is in a relationship where the woman cheats on him and he is a victim of her promiscuity, but even that kind of man is one you want to avoid. He still has intimacy issues with women. Most men who have anger towards an ex are often guilty of “objectifying” women. They see women as servants that are supposed to act and be a certain way; more as their possessions to control. The truth is: No one person ruins a marriage or a relationship. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage work and any man who blatantly sees his partner as the one to blame for everything that went wrong is someone who didn’t care about doing his part in being giving and caring in the relationship. Don’t fall for his “feel sorry for me I was a victim of a cold, selfish, uncaring, cheating wife”. And if he claims he never had sex with his wife in the marriage for years, he’s either lying or he’s been having affair(s) throughout his marriage.

Red Flag Item #2: His Attitude about Work and Play

You don’t need to know how many hours he works but you do need to know his attitude about being busy and his attitude about what he has going on in his life. Does he act like every minute of his day is booked with some important thing going on? Does he make time to spend talking to you and does he show an interest in your life? Is he calling you when he’s driving somewhere and only has a few minutes to converse with you before he reaches his destination?

Men who are workaholics are usually “busy drones” at home, always working on some project and never being free to talk to or relate to you because they are always involved in fixing or doing something. Avoid men who say they “work hard and play hard”, that’s just “workaholic justification” babble. If a guy has the ability to relax and enjoy life, you’ll know it by what he says to you when he has to get off the phone; does he have to get back to painting the bedroom or doing some chore? And can he plan meeting you in advance? If he is a workaholic he will also have commitment issues. Does he change the day or time last minute for your first meeting? Does he always seem hurried and busy? Does he always suggest you drop everything and meet him the night he calls you? Does he make you feel like you are taking up his precious time when you talk to him? It’s amazing that in our society today, so many men are addicted to work at work and at home, and we, as a culture, embrace it. But dating a guy who makes you feel like he’s honoring you with his time is not the kind of guy you will feel fulfilled dating. He will “never mentally and emotionally be there for you”. When you talk on the phone to guys like this, you will know it. You will feel it and sense it. Don’t let the temptation to be that “all important woman that he finally cares more about than all those other precious things he has scheduled in his life” make you want to meet him or date him. You will only be that one more thing on his “to do list”. AVOID MEETING OR DATING HIM.

Red Flag #3: His Attitude about Valuing the Things You Value in Your Life

This one is really important. Are you both on the same playing field in life? Is he on a completely different planet from you? Most men I’ve dated did not relate to me in terms of accepting my interests in life. I always changed who I was to be compatible with them in every relationship. And ultimately, when I just couldn’t take not being me anymore, the relationship ended. Can you be who you truly are with this guy? I believe every woman, when they talk to a guy, get’s a feeling in her gut, whether they can be who they are in a relationship with him or whether they would have to change something about their life or themselves to make the relationship work. You will know it, by talking to him, if he’s the type of guy who’ll ever be interested in what interest you in your life. Does he ask about something you told him on the 1st phone call on his 2nd phone call to you? If you had a cold, does he ask “how’s your cold?” Or, if you were going somewhere the day he called, does he ask whether you had a good time the 2nd time he calls you? If you want a guy who’ll remember your favorite clothing store when it’s your birthday and buy you something from that store, then you’ll have to listen to how much he pays attention to the things you tell him about your life. You’ll sense it when you talk to him if he is interested in knowing about you and your interests. You’ll know when you suggest a movie you want to see or a restaurant you want to go to and he’s enthusiastic about finding out the show times for your movie or mapquesting how to get to your restaurant pick.

You’ll know how much you are compatible by how he spends his days. You’ll know how much you will have to change your life to be compatible with his by what his hobbies are. Ask him what he likes to do and what his hobbies are. You will get the feeling that your lives can mesh beautifully just as they now are, or you will get the feeling that you would have to lower your standards, change your goals, live somewhere you don’t want to live, be with kids you don’t want to be with; accept things you truly morally can’t accept; or never get along on certain subjects by what he tells you about how he lives his life. Ask him his goals in life. You might be surprised to learn he plans to move out of state in 2 years. There are so many ways a guy can look good on paper, but if you have that feeling in your gut that you would have to change an important part of you to be compatible with him, then DON’T MEET OR DATE HIM.

Red Flag #4: His Attitude about Money

Another major thing to get a good gut feeling about is his attitude about  money. Many men have emotional anger issues related to money. They feel they don’t earn enough to feel self worth; they feel like failures because they didn’t succeed in the profession their father picked for them (and their father has reminded them about this ever since); they feel their ex financially stripped them of financial stability (she got the house lament); they pay child support and feel stripped financially by their ex wife and kids. Most men are open books about their negative attitude about their finances. They will complain about their hardships or make sarcastic jokes about it. Their anger issues with money are never well hidden; you will sense when something about their financial situation just isn’t sitting right with them “emotionally”.

It’s important for you to know what you want in a relationship with a man and to honor your needs and desires. Do you want a man who can offer you financial stability, who owns his own home and can afford to take you to nice restaurant and enhance your life financially? Or, are you okay with being the one paying for things because you are financially stable? Be honest with yourself and listen to a guy’s attitude about his financial situation. If you want someone who can add to or compliment your life, do not accept meeting or dating a guy who is driving a beat up old car, and barely has enough to pay the bills after he pays for child care. DON’T MEET OR DATE MEN WHO CANNOT GIVE YOU THE FINANCIAL LIFESTYLE YOU DESIRE. Love does not conquer all. When you try to make a relationship work with a man who has anger issues with money, who never wants to spend money living the kind of life you want to live; who doesn’t have your aspirations (because he doesn’t want to put his money towards those life goals); who doesn’t care about your needs and desires with money; you will be miserable witth him. If a guy has money issues, you will know it just by the attitude he has about money. And definitely do not date anyone who is separated and not divorced. Many a relationship can become strained by divorce, because divorce is costly and can often change a man’s financial situation overnight as well as his emotional state of mind.

Red Flag #5: His Attitude about Sex and Monogamy

Men looking for a sexual fling are open books. They will only focus on the physical with you; constantly complimenting you about your appearance; and bringing up the subject of your anatomy and sex into every conversation. It isn’t worth trying to find out how many sexual partners a guy like this has had since his divorce or whether you are one of 10 women he’s trying to date this week from that internet dating site. Guys like this will never be honest about their intentions. Guys only wanting a sexual relationship or guys with sex addictions (of which there are many) who are serial daters who date until they have sex with a woman and then move on, will call you every night until they finally get to meet you and have sex with you. They must meet you immediately and can never plan a date with you in advance (or if they do, they’ll change the date and time last minute). They are guys who want to see you the day they call you. Some women are turned on by these “bad boys” because they often appeal to a woman’s vanity by making her feel like they finally found the beautiful woman of their dreams. And they always lament how, “I just can’t find the right woman who understands me” to appeal to your codependent need to help them. The more they give you the impression they need to see you immediately and not let another day go by without glancing at your gorgeous face and eyes, the more they are looking to have a sexual fling. And the more they paint themselves as victims of selfish women who mistreated them and used them, the more they are narcissistically describing themselves. DON’T MEET OR DATE GUYS LIKE THIS.

Red Flag #6: His Attitude about his Hobbies and Addictions

Many men have addictions: addictions to work, addictions to drugs, addictions to alcohol, addictions too sex, addictions to an ex. And yes, so do women. But this is our cheat sheet, and for our cheat sheet to be successful, we can’t have the addictions we are trying to avoid in the men we date. I’ve already talked about sex and work addiction. If there is one thing that always contributes to the demise of a relationship, it’s an addiction. So how do you know in 2 conversations with the guy you’re considering dating has an addiction?

A lot of men hide their addictions to drugs and alcohol very well, especially on the phone. Of course you’ll know he’s had alcohol addiction when he can’t order a drink on the first date. But why wait till then to find that out he’s been an addict and you don’t want to date him? Some men even hide alcohol addiction well after dating you for several months until they get you emotionally dependent on them. Then suddenly they’ve had too much to drink in front of you and gone into an alcoholic rage. Wouldn’t it be great if you could weed out those guys that have alcohol and drug addiction before you even meet him? The good news is: yes you can.

The one thing about men with addictions is that: they all have “addictive personalities”. How do you know if the guy has an addictive personality? If he does he will often have a serious obsession with doing some kind of hobby, or be obsessed about fantasizing about a goal in his life that he does things to plan for (like reading real estate for hours on end because one day he wants to buy a house down the shore). The point is, he takes a hobby or interest and brings it to the level of an obsession. So listen to the things he used to enjoy doing or is now doing with his life. How much did it or does it control his world? Ask him all about his hobbies. If he seems obsessively into something that he can’t seem to stop talking about doing, (and he will expect you to change your life to conform to the demands that his obsessive hobby makes on him), he usually has an addictive personality and possibly even more serious addictions, such as a sex addiction, work addiction, or alcohol/drug addiction. Guys like this will one day be obsessed with body building and the next day they will have a business project they obsessively spend time on and then that will disappear and they will become addicted to making miniature planes. Guys with addictive personalities do not hide their obsession from you.They talk about them constantly and fondly recollect past ones. DO NOT MEET OR DATE MEN WITH OBSESSIVE HOBBIES OR ADDICTIONS.

Red  Flag #7: His Attitude about his Kids

I have met many men on the internet whose entire social world consists of doing things with their children from a past marriage. You may be telling yourself, once he dates me he’ll spend time with me and his kids will take a back seat. The answer is no. If a man constantly talks to you about his kids and when you ask him what he did that week you realize that his social life consisted of taking his children shopping, you are always going to compete with his children for his love. A man with a healthy relationship with their kids also has friends he spends time with and does things with. Some men will give you a feeling in your gut that their daughter has become a substitute companion replacing their wife (in an emotional, not sexual way). DO NOT MEET OR DATE MEN LIKE THIS

Red Flag #8: His Attitude about Himself and his Life in General

There are happy men who love life, and then there are men who are angry, unhappy and miserable about their life. When you talk to a guy, you will know in your gut which kind he is. Men who are happy with life and themselves never complain about their “bad luck” and “misfortunes”. They find humor in things and they have an optimistic point of view. They don’t make sarcastic comments about life or people, such as, “My daughter came over the other day and took hold of my wallet again”. Guys who like life, like themselves and will be able to like you and make life a happy experience for you are guys who don’t seem to have a black cloud of bad luck that’s always following them in life. When a guy has that cloud of bad luck, it’s because he mentally brings it into his reality. You will know in your gut if you are talking to a happy guy who sees life with the glass half full or a guy who sees life with the glass always half empty. You will know when a guy carries that black cloud because there is impending doom in every aspect of his life: his job is on the line, he lost money, his friend swindled him, his car just broke down, he just had another fight with his brother, he just got another speeding ticket, etc. MEET THOSE GLASS HALF FULL GUYS.

The point to the Cheat Sheet is this: you have to believe that you deserve to be discerning. Exposure to lots of guys through the internet is fine, but dating lots of them until you just happen to click with one of them is a lesson in futility. You have the right to screen guys on the phone to make sure they don’t have the kind of attitude that will make you miserable being with them. You have to stop listening to those well intentioned friends and relatives who say to you, “just meet him, stop worrying about whether he is right for you, just give him a chance”. The pressure to just have someone to date to make everyone around you happy won’t be easy to avoid. But it’s because women buckle to that pressure that so many are in unfulfilling relationships that ultimately end. We must be selective about who we date. We deserve to date a guy without anger issues who has a positive attitude about his life. We must tell the universe we don’t want to spend our life with anyone who gives us that bad feeling in our gut. We must stop caring about having no one to date. We must allow the right guy into our life by not wasting time with the wrong one. So screen guys on the phone and be very selective. It’s your life’s happiness that’s at stake and that happiness is something you truly deserve.

Successful People Do the Icky Stuff

Those darn successful people. It always seems like they're luckier, richer, better looking, and smarter. It's just not fair. Why do they get all the breaks? Why can't I drive the nice luxury car, spend long weekends at a posh vacation home, and have my kids respect and admire me like those successful people?

It's easy to explain the other person's success away as the result of their luck, intelligence, or marriage into the right family. While those factors occasionally boost someone up to a higher success plane, there's usually more to it than that. We see the nice clothes, the exclusive neighborhood, and the country club membership and envy the person who has 'made it.'

What we fail to see, however, is the years of sacrifice and long hours it took Mr. Successful to achieve that status. It's the guy who was a competitor on the kickboxing circuit, and on the side, sold karate uniforms out of the back of his van. Twenty-five years later, he has a successful, global martial arts equipment company. Sure, it's impressive now, but he paid his dues struggling to put gasoline in his van to get to the next tournament. He put in the long hours training to compete, and at the same time, balanced the books for his fledgling company. We would consider him vastly successful now, but it's because he did the icky stuff. He made the phone calls. He negotiated the deals with vendors. He hired employees when he wasn't sure he could afford them. He sweated making the payroll – and sometimes didn't.

But he persevered. He stayed with it. He did what competitors do. He got back up when he got knocked down. He kept his dream in sight, even if it got a little foggy at times. He got out of bed before other people. He worked late. He worked on the weekends. He lost money part of the time. But he stayed with it. Because that's what winners do. That's what Black Belts do.

It's the Olympic hopeful swimmer who gets up at 4:00 am when it's 18 degrees outside so she can get a couple of hours of practice before school. It's the same swimmer who chooses not to go the football game with her friends because she needs to study and she needs to get up early the following morning to drive three hours to a swim meet.

It's the sales associate who has won top sales award for the last five quarters in a row. Not because he's smarter or luckier. It's because he makes two more calls than anyone else on the team – every day. He gets rejected more than anyone else in the company. But he also makes more sales than anyone. Just like Babe Ruth led the league in home runs and, at the same time, led the league in strikeouts.

It's because he has taken the time to write down his sales goals and the specific steps to achieve them. It's because he spent weekends going to sales and motivation seminars – on his own dime – in an effort to provide the nice things for his family.

It's not much fun to get out of a warm bed when it's easier to hit the snooze button. It's icky to stay at work late when you'd rather be home watching Monday Night Football. It's a pain to follow up on sales calls with thank you notes, knowing that only about 8% will result in a sale. It's hard to put that money aside in your retirement account when your buddy is showing off his new bass boat and going to the lake every weekend. It's tough to order the grilled chicken salad when your friends are having the chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy.

But ultimately, it's the accumulation of those icky things that results in your success. The pay raises, the promotions, the personal health, and the accomplishments come after years of disciplined effort. You see the popular new singer on the music charts. Wow, an overnight sensation! What you don't see is the years she spent traveling, living on macaroni and cheese, playing the dumpy nightclubs, waiting for that big break.

Sure there are a few people who stumble into a fantastic situation with little or no effort on their part. But the vast majority of people we consider successful become that way one day at a time, doing the little things that most people are not willing to do. What will it be for you? How badly do you want it? You get to choose! Will you say, "Forget it, I'm not doing that," or will you say, "Yuck, this is icky! But I know this is what it takes. And the sooner I get started, the sooner I'll reach my goal! "

Go do something icky!

Star Sign Compatibility – Are the Stars Aligned?

Do ever feel lost when it comes to love and a relationship? Are you wondering if you will ever fall in love? If you are in love, do you wonder if he is the right guy for you? Is your star sign compatibility something to worry about? What is your star sign compatibility with your current boyfriend?

A lot of people look for signs to see if they guy they are with is the one for them. Some people look at star sign compatibility when they are dating someone or looking to find Mr. Right. These signs not only include the Zodiac, but also the four elements in astrology as well. Here is a look at some star sign compatibility ideas.

Four Elements

The four elements of astrology include Fire, Earth, Air and Water. Each of these represents certain signs of the Zodiac.

Fire: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius Earth: Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo Air: Gemini, Aquarius, Libra Water: Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces

Fire

Those people who fall under a Fir sign are usually full of drive and ambition. They are also thrill seekers, full of adventure and energy and want to experience everything life offers. When Fire gets together with Air, there is usually a very high energy between the two partners. In addition, the two will often experience great times together over the course of a relationship.

Earth

Those who fall under an Earth sign are practical and often have their feet firmly planted on the ground. They seek security and value traditions. In addition, they like stability and organization and loyalty is high for them as well. Earth and Fire together will often result in a relationship that is built on material growth, but there could be some other clashes along the way. Earth and Air will also go together, but there can be uncertainty in the relationship as well as unreliability.

Air

An Air sign is often restless combined with versatility, independence and playfulness. Most of those who are under an Air sign take life as it comes and are very nice people that others like to be around. Fire and Air will create great times together, but the best combination might be with Water. This is because the two will dream big together.

Water

The Water sign is usually one of complexity along with imagination, creativity, empathy and understanding. The water sign longs for a family and needs some security in life. In addition, they tend to have their heart on their sleeve and it can be easily broken. Earth and Water are a very good combination as they will both be stable and have the emotional support they crave. Fire and Water will also result in a very steamy relationship, but the fights may be classic.

Star sign compatibility is not an exact science, yet people have been depending on it for years. It is fun to see what you are compatible with, but don't turn down a great guy just because he falls under the wrong sign. Even opposites attract sometimes.

3 Sure Signs That He is Not "The One"

Have you ever wondered if the guy you are dating is really “the one?” Have you ever wondered if you should spend the rest of your life with him or move on looking for someone who might be a better fit? All of these are legitimate and valid concerns. A woman should definitely think carefully before committing herself.

Each woman has her own ideal for what Mr. Right should be like and it varies from person to person. However, there are three signs that will disqualify any guy as “the one.”

* None of his friends are engaged or married.

Like minds attract like minds. If he chooses to hang out with his friends, he must identify with or approve of their ways of living. He may just enjoy the freedom of being a bachelor. A man can definitely wait for a while before he settles down, but the question is, can you?

* His meeting with your parents can best be described as a “disaster,” and he shows no interest in improving the situation.

If he doesn’t get along with your family, it is a sign that conflicts will arise in the future. You cannot choose your family, but you can definitely choose the man you spend the rest of your life with. If he doesn’t even want to work on having a better relationship with your family, it is a deal breaker.

* He wants to find a “Sugar Mama” and mentioned to you how nice it would be to just relax on a beach everyday and never worry about money.

Sister, run the other way, fast!

The Teacher Interview: Some Useful Responses to the Most Frequently Asked Questions

THE TEACHER INTERVIEW…Some useful responses to the most frequently asked questions.

“If someone ever asks you if you can do a certain job, say, “Of course I can!”, then quickly go and learn how to do the job!”

– Theodore Roosevelt

The research indicates that about 10 seconds after you enter the room for your interview, the employer has already made a mental judgment of “Yes” or “No” about you as the successful candidate. Now, you would not have gotten this far in college if you weren’t a pretty sharp individual, so you might be asking this question… If the decision about me has already been made in the first 10 seconds, why should I worry about suggested answers to the most frequently occurring questions? An astute question. We believe the we have some responses that the average interviewee does not make, which, if he or she made them, would cause people’s eyes to widen and their jaws to drop. Many of our students have come back and told us that some interviewers were amazed by these answers- and told the job seeker as much. Having lead interviews for teachers for 19 years, I guarantee that the people asking the questions will talk about you in a positive way after you leave the room if you answer questions that include these suggestions… Will it get you the job- Maybe. If there are callback interviews – will they call you? Probably. So what are we saying? Our suggested responses can change the Zeitgeist so to speak. In other words, we believe that our suggestions disrupt the tyranny of the “10 Second Rule.” Therefore, unless you arrive at the interview late, wearing jeans, and say “What’s up Dude” at the handshake- you will still be alive and kicking at the conclusion of the interview regardless of the a priori decision that might have been made about you 10 seconds after you walked into the room…That being said, let’s take a look at the questions that appear most frequently at interviews for teaching jobs. Here the list…

1. Tell us about yourself.

2. What is your Philosophy of Education?

3. What can you tell us about your classroom management skills?

4. What would you do if a student told you what you can do with yourself?

5. What is one of your strengths, and one of your weaknesses?

6. What do you know about assessment?

7. What can you tell us about Special Education Law? (follow-up) What’s the difference between an accommodation and a modification?

8. Do you have any thoughts about School Climate?

9. Do you have any other questions, or anything else you would like to share with us?

QUESTION #1

Tell us about yourself.

This is not an actual question, but it serves as a nice ice breaker. Here, the interviewers are checking out what you look like, how you are dressed, what your personality is like, how warm, passionate, humorous, you are, but most of all, they don’t really care that much what you say at this point, as long as you can string sentences together in appropriate English. Remember that only seven per cent of one’s message is effective based on the information dispensed. The rest is based on how you said the information- your face-eyes-smile-gestures-posture-dress, etc. So what do you talk about?

In the Clint Eastwood movie Heartbreak Ridge, Eastwood plays a tough, grizzly old veteran Gunnery Sergeant who has to get a group of less than gung-ho Marines ready for combat. His Captain, a bespeckled, nerdy but nice, college boy says to Eastwood… “You know Gunny, I was President of my college ROTC Club!” Eastwood’s facial expression is priceless, and his comment is something like, “I’ll sleep better at night knowing that sir…” The bottom line- don’t talk about when you were head of the cheerleaders or president of the student government- sorry, but nobody cares. Talk instead about general qualities of personality in one or two minutes and give a couple of specific examples. For example, talk about your passion, your dedication, your respect for the chain of command- all of which can be shown by my volunteering to save the Emperor Penguins when I was a volunteer for Greenpeace… Make sure to bring the plane in safely in about 1-2 minutes without complaining or criticizing your last place of work, school, or boss, because that will immediately translate into YOU being the problem.

QUESTION #2

What is your Philosophy of Education?

For the most part, you don’t have one yet- you just want a job. They pretty much know this, but they want to hear how you think. The biggest mistake you can make here is to paint yourself in to the corner with some dogmatic philosophical point about education which you adopted after hearing a political candidate on TV last week who might espouse a position totally opposite of what the decision maker believes. Sinclair Lewis gave this definition of a politician… “One who is ample and vague on all subjects!” Here, we don’t want to be ample, but you should definitely be vague. The answer should include most of the following thoughts: As a young educator, its logical to assume that my Philosophy of Education is an EMERGING ONE. As I develop it, I try to take an ECLECTIC APPROACH, meaning that I try to incorporate the best strategies and ideas from the many fine teachers I have been taught by. That being said, I endeavor to take an approach that is both SCHOLARLY and HUMANISTIC. The research on what one’s favorite teacher was like always focuses first on the personal qualities of KINDNESS, PATIENCE, and HUMOR combined with providing a STIMULATING & CHALLENGING ACADEMIC ATMOSPHERE. That is my goal right now as I develop this philosophy. This kind of thoughtful response will raise a few eyebrows.

QUESTION #3

What can you tell us about your Classroom Management Skills, especially as it relates to Disciplining Students?

Here, school administrators are looking for teachers who will not write up hundreds of students and merely send them to the office. They love it when teachers regularly contact parents and involve them in the process- making sure to send positive notes home- not just negative ones, and they love problem solvers because most of their days are spent solving problems caused by others. So what are some things you should say here? Finally, administrators are fanatics about student engagement or time on task- so mention you goal to keep students engaged from bell to bell.

1. Include something simple like a point about positioning and time management… I have tried to make myself a student of Classroom management strategies because the politicians seem to think that all that is necessary to teach is that a person have brains. If you have no tools, however, your class will become chaotic. So, for example, I am always careful to position myself so that I see as much of the class as possible and never have my back to students- even when I am talking to one student. I never take the bait, and seldom if ever confront a student in front of everyone if I can speak to a student privately and deny him “the stage,” so to speak. I try to always start class ON TIME, by having something for the students to do the moment they walk into the room. Those are just a couple of examples.

When it comes to disciplining students, I will try to involve PARENTS in the process where possible. For example, suppose YOU were acting up in my class (Look straight at the group leader forcefully). I would ask to see you privately and I might say, “Johnny, this is my cell phone. I have your Mom’s work number. The next time I have to talk to you about hitting other kids, we are going to call your Mom right here from class and you can tell her why she is getting the call. Do you think she’ll be happy to hear from you? Right, she won’t. So I know you are going to stop behaving this way right? Good. See you tomorrow. Tomorrow, or several days later when YOU(Johnny)are acting up, I might just hold my cell phone out and wave it at Johnny from a distance- or point to it….and if the word got out that I actually made you do it- (ask the interviewers the rhetorical question) “What do you think would happen to the frequency of my discipline problems?”

At this point, your interviewers will be laughing their heads off or they will be speechless. They will have basically fallen in love with you by this point. They may not want to let you off the property without your signature on a contract! Well, that is a little overstated, but you get my point. NOBODY is answering a question like this- NOBODY!

Which brings up another important tip… Always provide examples that include the people in the room in your hypothetical. We did that in the above response. Look them right in the face and say, suppose you Dr. Smith and Mr. Jones are pushing and shoving in my class… I would not overreact, but I would tell you to sit down and that I will talk with you after class. After class, I would write up a disciplinary referral for both of you. Then I would say that I could send this down to the office, but I am such a nice guy, I am going to keep it here in the drawer. If you guys ever do this again though, it goes down to the office with a second referral- it’s all up to you, boys. Include the people in the room in the hypo- make them the crazy parent or the misbehaving student. However, keep the Principal in his role as Principal. Thus, “You(pointing to him) are my boss.” “I am going to follow the CHAIN OF COMMAND, and I will try to follow your suggestions and I am going to keep you informed when I have spoken with parents of these two individuals here who were in a scuffle, because I know that they will no doubt be calling you or the Superintendent, so I don’t want you being caught with no knowledge about some issue. Then all you need to do is tell me to “take care of the problem”, and I will do that to the best of my ability.” I may lack experience, but I try to be a PROBLEM SOLVER, not a HAND-WRINGER.(Oh dear, what do I do now?) Your questioners will be getting the “Bends” by now from hyperventilating about your answers!

QUESTION #4

What would you do of a student told you what you can do with yourself?

This question is not usually on the list of prepared questions that the interviewers are going to ask everyone. Usually, an irreverent question like this is asked by some macho character in the room, and if you are a petite female, it is even more likely to be asked of you. Did I hear you say, “That’s not Fair?” Get over it- they will be plenty more and worse things that are not “Fair.” So how do we answer this? The first suggestion is to make them squirm just a little by providing your own clarification- something like this… “Oh you mean like where a kid tells me to go F— myself?” This will bring a sheepish nod of the head by the questioner, or perhaps a cough followed by a quiet “Ah, Yea…” The others in the room will know that you just zinged him back too and will respect you for saying it, and the first thing they say when you leave the room is, “Boy she got you on that “what you should do with yourself question, Bob”…did you hear how she jumped right on that- I LIKE her!”

Well, you just scored some points, but you have not actually answered the question yet, so here is a suggested approach to the irreverent question. Remember, first, that it is being asked for its shock value, so keep an absolute poker face on the matter. As they say in court- act as though you expected a question like this and be stone-faced about it. Then say that you would not overreact, but I would remind the student that what he said was inappropriate, and that the school discipline code expects teachers to write a student up for this kind of language, but let’s start by you seeing me for a few minutes after class and we’ll discuss it. If the student does not stay after class, then I send the disciplinary referral down to the office- end of story. My goal, however, is to CHANGE behavior, so if the person does stop in after class as requested, I might try one of two things. 1) I would show him the disciplinary referral and show him in the discipline code what will probably happen to him. Then I might- depending on whether he in contrite and apologetic- tell him that I am going to keep this referral in my drawer. Any further behavior like this and I write the next one up and send them both down to the office.

2) If the student is younger, I might have him write down what he did on a piece of paper. I then, with a flourish, put it in a business envelope and tell the student that I am going to put a stamp on this and address it to your father’s place of business so you can’t intercept it. However, since I am such a nice guy, I will keep it here in the drawer, and next time you talk like this, I put the letter in the mail- along with the new incident. Boy, won’t Dad be surprised to read this?! That will likely be the end of the problem.

Once again, you will leave them speechless- or laughing maniacally as they say “Why didn’t I think of that?” to themselves. They will be impressed by your dispassionate, business-like approach to the matter. What started out as a rogue question will wind up scoring heavily in your favor.

QUESTION #5

What is one of your strengths, and one of your weaknesses?

This is a question generic enough to be handled by practically every book you read related to the job search and interview processes. Sometimes it might be asked, “What are three mistakes you have made?” or What was your biggest mistake, and what did you learn from it? or “What have you learned and what changes have you made based upon your weaknesses?” You can get better advice on this non education-specific question by checking the most popular online sites. One we recommend is JobInterview.net. Among a wide array of strategies and ideas, they have an interview question index listed by a key word like “Weaknesses” in alphabetical order. Matt and Nan De Luca, authors of several books on interviews suggest that you tell a story. Since you can be sure that you will be asked a question like this, you can think of the story in advance, and keep it concise. The story should tell an incident in your life, what happened, and how you overcame the problem and learned from it, made appropriate adjustments, etc. Since the most important thing in the lives of us imperfect individuals as regards mistakes is not that we make them, it s that we learn from them and do not repeat them.

Matt and Nan DeLuca assert that these kind of questions are asked because the interviewer is looking to determine how well you know yourself, your credibility, and how you react to different situations. The questions are coming. Remember the quote attributed to Benjamin Franklin on preparation…”Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.” Prepare for your interview by consulting Job Interview.net and other sources for those non-education specific questions.

QUESTION #6

What do you know about assessment?

Nobody likes this topic, but everyone acts like it is the most important thing in education. The people talking to you hate it also, and have others doing the work for them as regards the process, preparation and reporting of scores in the State Standardized Testing. You need to convey your belief that accountability is important in education and if we are going to assert that we are doing a good job, then there must be documentation to support the claim. Since your role in the state-wide process is to serve as a proctor for exams, you can move right to the assumption that they are referring to teacher made assessments based on what is going on in the classroom.

You will tell them that the Curriculum Triangle is an important concept to embrace. Imagine a triangle with each point entitled “Written”- “Taught”- and “Tested”…Therefore, what is written in the curriculum guide should be what is taught, and what is taught is what should be tested. This is how we achieve validity and quality control. Then you ask a question out of the blue- For example, has anyone heard of IPSATIVE ASSESSMENT? Of course, no one will have heard of it, but you say, that, as a student of assessment types, you just learned this one yourself and it means an assessment where a student is competing against himself- in other words. He is trying to better his score or time from a previous time when he took the test. Assessments can range from “Informal Assessment” to “Rubric-Based Assessment”, and you want them to know you are aware that you may have students with disabilities in your classes so some form of “Alternative Assessment” may have to be used. Can you give us an example they might ask? Yes, I may have to have an open ended time limit for a student or I might have to read the exam to him, would be an appropriate answer.

QUESTION #7

What do you know about Special Education Law? Also, what is an IEP?

Relax, most of the people in administrative positions know a little about Special Education Law and dread all of the issues and concerns, lawyers, child advocates, meetings, constraints, and changes that occur in this process. There is an answer which you can give which I explain to all of my students. If you give this answer, it will show the people in the room that you might just know more than they do about special education law. It will also tell them that, by hiring you, the district will have a person that will keep them out of court. Here is the one sentence response…write it down.

Here’s is what I know about Special Education Law and it is the foundation on which everything rests, namely, Under the IDEA, all children are entitled to FAPE in the LRE, and this is placed in writing in a legal document known as the IEP. For all of these acronyms, you say the individual letters, except for FAPE where you say it as though it is a word like “TAPE” except for the F. What do these mean? You probably won’t be asked this since you will have “stopped the show” with this answer- the interviewers will be in shock that a person so young is so aware of the law. However, it is important to know what these mean so as not to be disingenuous, so briefly the acronyms mean the following:

1. IDEA- This is the law, passed by Congress and signed by the President known as the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. It has its basis in the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment.

2. FAPE- All children are entitled to a Free and Appropriate Public Education. This means that if your child has Rhett’s syndrome and must be transported to a special school each day for children with similar special needs and the child needs an adult to be with her all day, you the parent don’t have to pay for it because the education for all children is supposed to be free.

3. LRE- This refers to the Least Restrictive Environment. It means that, to the extent possible, your child with special needs is going to be in 1) The same classroom as the other kids in the neighborhood, or 2) The same building as the other kids but in a special class for some of the day, or 3) the same building but a special class all day, or 4) A different place that can focus on the child’s special need, or 5) a residential setting, or 6) at home. The point being that the target destination for all children starts out as the same classroom same school as everybody else, or there must be appropriate documentation to support a lower level placement. This is a simplified explanation of a complex process.

4. IEP. This means Individualized Education Program. This is an acronym identifying a legal document as well as a process outlining all of the things that will be involved in the education of a child with special needs. Determine today to make yourself an expert on the IEP process. The people interviewing you will not be experts, but compliance with the law is required and you need to be able to say accurate things when giving your answer.

Here are some important aspects of an IEP presented in a list fashion. Your preparation for the interview should include speaking intelligently to the question and incorporating as many of the following facts as you can.

1. Under the Handicapped Act of 1975 (PL 95-142),Every child in the United States is entitled to FAPE (Free, Appropriate, Public Education)

2. This act mandated that the IEP (Individual Education Program) is the cornerstone of the student’s education.

3. In every school, a team meets to create the IEP. That team consists of the Parents, an Administrator with the ability to commit district resources/time/money, the child’s teacher or teachers (This is where you come in!), and a guidance counselor or school psychologist.

4. No changes may be carried out without parent approval.

5. Meetings are held once a year and once agreed upon and signed, the IEP becomes legally binding.

6. The IEP lists the child’s current status and ability levels in school and clearly spells out with express(written) goals, where the people involved expect the student to be by the end of the year.

7. An important question that will be asked is whether the setting is appropriate to the goals of the IEP.

8. Any special accommodations in testing, for example, or with assistive devices are also listed.

9. Where there is disagreement, the parent is entitled to a hearing and may bring appropriate legal representation.

Now you know about IEP’s. You won’t need a book. Learn this information well and you will know as much or more than the people in attendance unless one of them is the Special Education Coordinator. Additionally, today, not tomorrow, sign up for a free newsletter that comes to you weekly online from Wrightslaw. This is an organization which provides legal and practical strategies for parents and teachers related to all matter of Special Education issues. With a little bit of reading and preparation you will know more about Special Education Law than 90% of the people in your school district. With the information above, you are already in the top 25%!

QUESTION #8

What suggestions would you have to improve school climate?

This is more of a question for administrators, but teacher involvement is important to this process, because, all too often, the decisions and strategies involved are being promulgated by those furthest away from the kids. Your only suggestion would be to increase the number of positive announcements and mailings that go home to parents, For example, does your school announce everyone that gets accepted to college or who receives a scholarship? Tell them you volunteer to do that because positive reinforcement is essential for students and staff alike and provides lots of positive PR for the school and the district. Besides, why should only sport successes be trumpeted in the morning announcements? Don’t scholarly achievements deserve equal or better amounts of time? Everybody will be shaking their heads in the affirmative on this one. How can they argue with it? You can add, “and I say this as one who is an athlete and has played sports all of his life- academics must be the focus!”

QUESTION #9

Do you have any questions for us or anything else you would like to share?

This is an important moment. Think about those people who are interviewing you. They are stuck there until you are done. They are your prisoners! They have asked you an open-ended question and have given you the floor! Don’t blow it! Also, don’t take up more than 3 minutes. Here is a suggestion:

Instead of the usual “Ah, Nope!” or “How soon will you be arriving at a decision?” you now play the Ace you have up your sleeve in the form of a letter from a special person who was speaking about you in glowing terms. We all have one of these. You say, “Yes, I have two things I would like to bring to your attention…” Here, you stand up which puts your head higher than everyone else- the power position- and with a bit of drama added you say that, you don’t want to take up too much of their valuable time, but you would like to share one important point about yourself that you have highlighted in yellow as you give a copy of this letter to everyone in the room… “Notice here in the highlighted area where Professor ____ stated that of all students he has ever worked with, my passion and intellectual curiosity were by far the best he has ever seen at this level, etc… Returning slowly to your seat, you now mention that you would also like to add the following:

This is where you say something along these lines… Once again, I appreciate the opportunity to talk with you today. I know that you have many fine candidates for this position, so how do you distinguish them since they all have a degree and a fine transcript? Well, I also bring to the table my willingness to get involved in extra-curricular activities such as (don’t mention coaching first, we want them to look at you as the “Renaissance” person that you are!) Student Government, Class Advisor, Dramatics, Coaching, etc. I think it’s important that kids get to see you in a different setting than just the classroom, so I welcome the opportunity to get involved with extra-curricular things.

At that, you tell them that, unless they have any other questions, you are finished. They will thank you and tell you that you will be hearing from them soon. It’s OK at this point to shake hands with the people in the room and thank them individually. There you have it. If you provide answers like those shown above you will be called back- or offered the job- that is, unless some unforeseen political matter dictates that the board has to select another person. This happens more than people want to admit, and if it happens to you, know that it was not your expertise but other factors beyond your control. Get ready for the next interview!

Why You're Turning Off Your Prospects

It happened just now. Phone rang at our office and I picked it up. It was a guy who read my latest book and wanted to know how to handle a situation / objection he was getting. Call went like this:

Me: "… how can I help you?"

Caller: "I just read your book (no hello, or nice to actually speak with you, nothing) and I'm getting an objection I don't know how to handle. Ah, let me just tell you my pitch. Prospect, my name is … and I'm calling with … and briefly what I do is … blah, blah, blah …

"Blah, blah, blah …"

Seriously? Just pitch, pitch, pitch at me? Unfortunately, yes, and that's how most sales reps do it these days …

In fact three of the current clients I'm working with right now are having the exact same problem: As soon as their sales reps get someone on the phone, they spew their pitch all over them, hardly taking a breath, not connecting at all , and not even attempting to build rapport.

It's no wonder people hate getting phone calls and why sales reps and teams are so frustrated.

What ever happened to the give and take of conversation? Has texting and emailing made real communicating obsolete? If so, then inside sales is in big trouble …

Luckily, there is an easy fix: Just imagine how you would act, what you would say, and how respectful you would be if you were face to face with someone. You certainly wouldn't just dive into a monologue, would you? Of course not.

So, your assignment this week is to re-write your pitch to include some rapport building questions. Practice hitting your MUTE button to give your prospect a chance to fully respond to your questions. Try asking someone how they are and actually listening to, and responding to, what they say. Don't just use it as a segway into your pitch …

One more thing: I know what some of you are thinking: "But Mike, most prospects don't have time for me and can't wait to get me off the phone. I have to pitch really hard in the beginning just to have a chance to get my story in … "

Two answers to that:

1: Guess what? Most prospects you talk to aren't qualified and aren't buying anyway. So, if you attempt to connect with them and they aren't interested, thank them and Move On.

2: Even those prospects who might be interested are turned off by your desperate pitching approach, so Stop It!

Treat people with respect, be genuinely interested in them, make a connection, and then engage in a give and take while pitching / qualifying and seeing how / if you can help them.

Bottom line: Stop pitching and start connecting with and respecting your prospects. You'll be happier-and they'll be happier-and you will be more successful.

Dating Tom, Dick, Harry and Ahmed

Eve worked in a reputable company, made a decent income and was blessed in her physical features. She went to church every Sunday and occasionally on Wednesdays. For sometime, she had been praying to God to send to her 'man' of her dreams, someone who would understand her, make her laugh, was handsome, romantic, affectionate, made a more than decent income, wasn't clingy but called enough, was healthy, God fearing but not boring, at least taller than she was and liked by her family and friends. Eve knew it was a long list but she trusted God and knew He wouldn't send her anything short of her expectations.

Settling down had never been a priority. After all, there were always suitors at her door but none of them checked her list fully. However now that her friends were getting married, Eve wanted to do the same too. She wasn't getting any younger and knew her parents were itching for her to bring 'the guy' home. Eve began praying, three months later and with uninterrupted fasting, the guy still hadn't come. Eve knew she was a pretty and good person, so she wondered where this man was and began to worry. One day Eve got a call from one of her friends who asked her to join a life group that had many single men. Eve quickly registered and there she met Tom.

Tom was God fearing, funny, understood her and checked most boxes in her list but as time went on Eve began seeing things in Tom that she didn't like. Firstly, Tom was clingy. He was always calling her, not once, twice but up to fifteen times in a day. He wanted to spend every spare time he had with her, didn't he understand that she had a life! Secondly, Tom was short, she had overlooked this at first as she thought perhaps it was something she could live with, on the bright side she would save a lot of money by not buying Manolos! After sometime, Tom's clingy nature became unbearable so Eve broke things off. Attending the life group became awkward especially as Tom was trying to get her to change her mind. Soon after, Eve stopped going to church on Wednesdays in fear of seeing Tom. She had been avoiding his calls, yet he still didn't get the message! Sunday services were safer, she knew he went to the third service so she started going to the first service.

Two months later, Eve got a call from one of her high school friends who insisted she had met the perfect man for her. Eve was a bit reluctant, she hated blind dates, you never knew what to expect. After some persuasion she however gave in. Dick was most things Tom was not, he wasn't clingy and he was tall and handsome. He also went to church, well at certain times like Easter and New Year's Eve services. Eve decided to do some evangelist dating and bring Dick closer to God, after all no one was perfect! But in less than a month, Eve decided she was wasting her time. Whenever she invited Dick to church, he would simply reply, 'isn't God everywhere, besides God and I have a special relationship, we understand each other.' It was hopeless. Dick wasn't going to change his ways and she was beginning to compromise her beliefs to please him. A week later, Eve broke things off with Dick; it was for the best especially as she wanted to get closer to God.

Eve began to rekindle her relationship with God and registered to become a church volunteer. She met Harry who was also a volunteer and happened to know her cousin. Harry was a devoted Christian; he was kind, thoughtful and embodied a lot of the things Eve wanted in a man. Some months passed by and Eve waited patiently for Harry to ask her out but he didn't. She decided to take things into her hands and asked her cousin to nudge Harry in asking her out. Two weeks later, Harry gave Eve a call and invited her to a friend's party. Eve was excited and quickly accepted his invitation. Every time Eve went out with Harry she would meet more of his friends. She was thrilled; it seemed that things were going well. One day Harry showed up at her flat, 'Eve I have been praying. I don't think you are the woman for me. I can't see you as anything but a friend. I think it will be wrong for me to continue in a relationship that I'm not comfortable with. You are a lovely woman and will one day make someone a good wife. I'm sorry but it's best we call things off. ' That night, Eve cried herself to sleep, she felt so humiliated. The more she thought about things, the more she realized that she had been the one to initiate most of the encounters with Harry even from the onset when she got her cousin to prompt him to ask her out.

Eve became angry with God, what was she doing wrong? All her friends were settling down, getting married, having babies and here she was still single. She was tired of always being the bridesmaid and putting on a happy face. Eve was angry; she wanted to settle down, be somebody's wife. Even Harry had said it; she would one day make someone a good wife, perhaps not him but someone. Had God forgotten about her?

Eventually, Eve got into a lukewarm relationship with God, there were days when she trusted in God and there were days she just couldn't be bothered. A year went by and yet more friends were getting married. She had grown tired of people asking her, 'when are you getting married?' or telling her 'not to worry she will get married in God's time'. Slowly, Eve's attendance in church fell. She stopped attending Wednesday services and sometimes she didn't attend Sunday service.

At a friend's wedding, Eve met Ahmed. He was a nice guy, sure he didn't meet all her specifications but she had thrown most of those out the window now. At least he was ready to get married! Soon after, Ahmed proposed; Eve had dreamt of this moment numerous times but each time she pictured it, she was over the moon and overwhelmed. Now that it was real, all she felt was unease. Ahmed was a Muslim and he wasn't planning on converting, in fact he wanted her to convert. Eve knew she wanted to get married but not this way. She told Ahmed she had to think over his proposal.

The next day, Eve went to church and the Pastor talked about how there was a season for everything and having faith in God. That day, Eve rededicated her life to God and put her trust in him again. Immediately after the service, Eve went to see Ahmed, she told him she couldn't accept his proposal and ended things.

When Eve got home she broke down in tears, she had spent so much time looking for what she wanted and not focused on what God wanted for her. She decided to surrender every aspect of her life to God. Rather than spending time looking for a potential husband she was going to dedicate her life to developing a relationship with God. Eve began volunteering in church again and later became a church worker. She made time for her friends and found new interests.

Months went by and Eve made new friends in church. One day Adam, one of her friends, who also served in church approached her, 'Eve, do you know the first time I met you was when you registered to join a life group. We talked for a bit, I don't know if you remember? Whenever I prayed to God about meeting my life partner, you would come to my mind or we would bump into you in church. Actually, we met again when you decided to volunteer. I didn't see you again for a while after that but every time I prayed about getting married, I kept seeing you. I began to think I was probably obsessed but one day Pastor preached about 'how there was a season for everything'. I prayed again about settling down and around that time I began seeing you more regularly in church. We became friends and well, without beating around the bush I believe God has told me you are my life partner. '

Eve hadn't expected to hear what Adam had said, she simply told him she had to pray about it and when she got home that was the first thing she did. The next day Eve spoke to the Pastor about what had happened and he informed her that Adam had also spoken to him about it. Two weeks later and after fasting and praying, Adam and Eve became a couple. Eve was happy; Adam was more than she had asked for. He checked all of her boxes and more. He had a thirst for God that challenged her and made her want to know God more. Eve thanked God and thought, perhaps if she hadn't been busy chasing her own ' Right 'she might have met Adam sooner, then she thought, perhaps her journey was part of God's plan to help others going through a similar experience. Either way she was glad she had met Adam and thanked God. Six months later Adam and Eve were sending out their wedding invitations and shortly after they got married.

There is truly a season for everything and it is important to listen to God so we walk according to His will. God takes us through seasons for a reason but he also gives us a choice with the hope that we make the right decision. May you always harvest in God's season for you.

Homemade Gifts for Men

With today’s economy, many people are cutting back on many things, from going out to eat, vacations and shopping for luxuries. With the holidays coming along, many people are thinking of cutting back on gifts. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to give less, it only means you have to spend less on gifts this year. There are many ways to cut back, but perhaps the best way would be to make your own gifts. It’s easy to see how your girlfriends would love that homemade necklace or potpourri, but what about the guys? Don’t worry, there are many homemade gifts for men you can give this year, and here are some ideas.

Food

Someone once said “they way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” and so food can make great homemade gifts for men. If you know how to bake, then all you need is some time and the right ingredients for some homemade cookies. If you don’t, then that shouldn’t stop you. You can learn from a recipe, and online video or ask a friend – there’s many ways you can learn to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and package them nicely.

If you’re really untalented in the kitchen or perhaps you don’t have access to a good kitchen, then that doesn’t mean you can’t give homemade food gifts for men. You can go to a wholesale club or farmer’s market and bulk purchase non-perishables like nuts or pickles and package them into individual bottles and give them away.

Knitwear

If you’re talented with a pair of knitting needles, then you can create some nice homemade gifts for men. A nice sweater might take some time, but it’s a wonderful present anyone would love to receive. If you don’t have much time, then small items like scarves and socks are easier to make and won’t take too long. Of course, you can also personalize your knit items depending on the person. For example, you can make knit golf club holders for the golf lover, or maybe a nice pair of cooking mittens for the guy who love to grill.

Personalized Homemade Gifts

The great thing about making your own gifts is that you can further personalize it. For example, you can give a new father a nice framed photo of his kid, to hang at home or put on his desk at work. For the gadget lover, you can sew some one of a kind gadget holders, like iPad and cellphone sleeves. For the wine lovers, you can make a corkboard made of wine corks.

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