Most everyone wants to fall in love, especially codependents. To us, love is perhaps the highest ideal, and relationships give our lives meaning and purpose. They enliven and motivate us. A partner provides a companion when we have difficulty initiating action on our own. Being loved also validates our sense of self-esteem, overcomes shame-based doubts about our lovability, and soothes our fears of loneliness. But too often a beautiful romance turns sour. What was a wonderful dream becomes a painful nightmare. Ms. Perfect or Mr. Right becomes Ms. or Mr. Wrong. The unconscious is a mighty force. Reason doesn’t seem to stop us from falling in love, nor make it any easier to leave! Even when the relationship turns out to be toxic, once attached, ending the relationship is as hard as falling in love was easy!

The Chemistry of Romance and Falling in Love

Our brains are wired to fall in love – to feel the bliss and euphoria of romance, to enjoy pleasure, and to bond and procreate. Feel-good neurochemicals flood the brain at each stage of lust, attraction, and attachment. Particularly dopamine provides natural high and ecstatic feelings that can be as addictive as cocaine. Deeper feelings are assisted by oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” released during orgasm. It’s directly linked to bonding and increases trust and loyalty in romantic attachments.

The Psychology of Romantic Love – Whom We Find Attractive

Psychology plays a role, too. Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. Experiences, both positive and negative, impact our choices and make someone appear more or less attractive. For example, we might find commonality attractive, but avoid someone who cheated on an ex if that has happened to us before. We’re attracted to subtle physical attributes, albeit unconsciously, that remind us of a family member. More mysterious, we can be attracted to someone who shares emotional and behavioral patterns with a member of our family even before they become apparent.

The Ideal Stage of Romance

It’s true that we’re blinded by love. Healthy idealization is normal and helps us fall in love. We admire our beloved, are willing to explore our partner’s interests, and accept his or her idiosyncrasies. Love also brings out parts of our personality that were dormant. We might feel manlier or more womanly, more empathic, generous, hopeful, and more willing to take risks and try new things. In this way, we feel more alive, because we have access to other aspects of our ordinary or constricted personality. Additionally, in early dating, we’re usually more honest than down the road when we become invested in the relationship and fear speaking our truth might precipitate a breakup.

Although, healthy idealization doesn’t blind us to serious warning signs of problems, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept behavior that is disrespectful or abusive. The neurochemicals of romance can lift our depressed mood and fuel codependency and love addiction when we seek a relationship in order to put an end to our loneliness or emptiness. When we lack a support system or are unhappy, we might rush into a relationship and become attached quickly before really knowing our partner. This is also referred to as “love on the rebound” or a “transitional relationship” following a breakup or divorce. It’s far better to first recover from a breakup.

The Ordeal Stage of Romance

After the initial ideal stage, usually starting after six months, we enter the ordeal stage as we learn more things about our partner that displease us. We discover habits and flaws we dislike and attitudes we believe to be ignorant or distasteful. In fact, some of the same traits that attracted us now annoy us. We liked that our mate was warm and friendly, but now feel ignored at social gatherings. We admired his bold and decisive, but learn he’s rude and close-minded. We were enchanted by her carefree spirit, but are now appalled by her unrealistic spending. We were captivated by his unfettered expressions of love and a promised future, but discover he’s loose with the truth.

Additionally, as the high wears off, we start to revert to our ordinary personality, and so has our partner. We don’t feel as expansive, loving, and unselfish. In the beginning, we may have gone out of our way to accommodate him or her, now we complain that our needs aren’t being met. We’ve changed, and we don’t feel as wonderful, but we want those blissful feelings back.

Two things happen next that can damage relationships. First, now that we’re attached and fear losing or upsetting our partner, we hold back feelings, wants, and needs. This puts up walls to intimacy, the secret sauce that keeps love alive. In its place we withdraw and breed resentments. Our feelings can come out sideways with sarcasm or passive-aggression. As romance and idealization fade, the second fatal mistake is to complain and try to turn our partner into who we first idealized him or her to be. We feel cheated and disillusioned that our partner is now behaving differently than in the beginning of the relationship. He or she, too, is reverting to their ordinary personality that may include less effort made to win you and accommodate your needs. Our partner will feel controlled and resentful and may pull away.

In some cases, we might discover serious problems – that our partner has an addiction, mental illness, or his abusive or dishonest. These are issues that require a serious commitment to change and often years of therapy to overcome. Many codependents, who get quickly involved for the reasons stated above, will sacrifice their own happiness and continue in a relationship for years trying to change, help, and fix their partner. The dysfunctional family dynamics of their childhood often get repeated in their marriages or relationships. They may unconsciously be contributing to the problem, because they’re reacting to an abusive or controlling parent. Change requires healing our past and overcoming shame and low self-esteem to feel entitled to love and appreciation.

Getting to the Real Deal

We might not want to continue a relationship that involves addiction or abuse or has other serious problems. Lacking major obstacles, getting past the ordeal to the real deal requires self-esteem, courage, acceptance, and assertiveness skills. It necessitates the ability to honestly speak up about our needs and wants, to share feelings, compromise, and resolve conflict. Rather than try to change our partner, our efforts are better placed on learning to accept him or her. (This doesn’t mean accepting abuse.) This is the struggle for intimacy, and requires a commitment by both partners to get through the ordeal stage with mutual respect and a desire to make the relationship work.

Steps You Can Take for Lasting Love

We will attract someone who treats us the way we expect to be treated. As we value ourselves more, whom we are attracted to will also change, and we will naturally avoid someone who doesn’t treat us well or meet our needs.

1. Know yourself, your needs, wants, and limits.
2. Take time to get to know the person you’re dating. Learn who they really are and how you both resolve conflict.
3. Remember that sex releases oxytocin and increases bonding (though it can occur without it).
4. Be honest from the start. Don’t hide who you are, including your needs. Speak up when you dislike something.
5. Talk honestly about what you want and your expectations in a relationship. If the other person doesn’t want the same things, end it. (This may not be easy, but the relationship wouldn’t have worked or satisfied you.)
6. Research shows that relationship outcomes are predictable based on the partners’ self esteem. Self-worth is essential to healthy relationships. It also enables you to receive love and be repulsed by abuse.
7. Boundaries and intimacy are essential to relationships. Learn to be assertive to express your feelings, needs, and wants and set boundaries.

©DarleneLancer 2018

Is there a link between toxic baby crib mattresses and SIDS?

As a parent, you want to do everything you can for prevention of SIDS. The typical SIDS prevention advice is to put your baby to sleep on his or her back on a firm mattress, avoid thick, fluffy padding, pillows or stuffed animals, and keep your baby from overheating. This is good advice; however, there is an additional factor in prevention of SIDS of which you may not be aware. An ongoing SIDS prevention campaign in New Zealand is publicizing a link between SIDS and mattresses. This campaign is advising parents to wrap their babies’ crib mattresses in a gas impermeable cover to prevent babies’ exposure to toxic gases from mattresses.

The theory linking SIDS and mattresses suggests that lethal toxic gases generated from crib mattresses can poison babies while sleeping. Toxic gases are created from the interaction of chemical fire retardant compounds with a fungus that commonly grows in mattresses and bedding. The gases are breathed and absorbed by a baby, shutting down the central nervous system and stopping breathing and heart function. Toxic gases are denser (heavier) than air, so the gases released from mattresses hover directly over the mattresses and diffuse away toward the floor. This explains why face-up sleeping protects against SIDS. Babies sleeping face-up are less likely to breathe in a lethal dose of toxic gases. But the gases can still be absorbed through the skin.

How has the mattress wrapping campaign affected the prevention of SIDS in New Zealand? To date it has been 100% successful. It began in 1995 and during this time there have been no SIDS deaths reported among the over 196,000 New Zealand babies who have slept on a mattress wrapped in a polyethylene cover. The number of SIDS deaths in New Zealand that have occurred between 1995 and 2010 is about 920. However, there have been zero deaths in New Zealand on a properly wrapped mattress.

Although the findings have not been scientifically proven, they have not been disproven either. There definitely needs to be more research. But the current evidence as well as common sense around this issue is too strong to deny. The fact that this information is not being widely disseminated is perplexing, but may have to do with politics, stakeholder interests, and liability.

I’ve been following this campaign for over 10 years and am dismayed that there is no further research being done on prevention of SIDS and mattresses. This is due to a faulty report published in the UK in 1998 claiming that there is not enough evidence to support this theory. Most SIDS organizations have closed the book on it. It’s not likely there will be more research anytime soon so parents are left on their own to decide if they should take action or not.

Regardless of the validity of the toxic gas and SIDS link, the following is true about baby cribs and crib mattresses. Typical crib mattresses contain polyurethane foam, made from petroleum, covered in vinyl and loaded with toxic fire retardants, chemical plasticizers and biocides. Chemical plasticizers and fire retardants can leach out of vinyl mattress covers and into the air that babies breathe while sleeping. Cribs can off-gas formaldehyde and other VOCs. Tiny babies should not be breathing in these toxins that are known to cause neurological, respiratory, reproductive or immune problems.

If you are concerned about toxic gases in crib mattresses and prevention of SIDS, or simply that your baby is being exposed to toxins, the best thing to do is to buy a firm, organic crib mattress that does not contain any toxic materials. Why not proceed with caution and common sense and make sure your baby’s sleep environment is free from harmful chemicals during the most vulnerable period of brain and immune development? There is too much at risk to wait for all the research to be done. Safe, non-toxic organic mattresses are readily available. 

Forget cigarettes! Light up your life instead. Why smoke up your one and only life when you have finer things to look forward to?

Bear this in mind; a Cigarette is a wicked monster which ensnares you in its ruinous mesh. Getting familiar with the health hazards of smoking is what one has to do, so as to weaken the pull that it is exerting upon you, without fail. Yes, it’s true that over a stretch of time, this tendency to smoke has tainted the environment as well as consumed many lives around us. And, it’s not only about your life being harmed but several other lives around, which are getting affected by this dire habit of yours. Imagine! You smoke around others and they inhale it.

It has become a trend these days, which people follow just in a frenzy to imitate others and look like them. And especially, if we talk about youngsters, they think that smoking gives the impression of being cool, modish, as they see their friends, parents, relatives indulging in the same. But if you mull over it… Is that really so?

It is commonly said that children learn from their parents, be it a good habit or a bad one. Do you really want your child to follow you on these lines and walk a toxic smoky path? Think!

Although smoking is banned in many public places and cigarette companies are no longer permitted to market their product on TV, radio etc. Nonetheless even when you watch a movie where your favourite movie star is shown smoking on screen, it always displays a message below, spreading the awareness that this practice is injurious to health. And remember, it’s only a part of a movie just because that particular role or script demands the character to smoke.

Even so, the tobacco smoke contains nicotine, an addictive substance which strikes your brain within fifteen seconds of its inhalation; carbon monoxide which is a noxious gas and can weaken the proper functioning of your body system; tar, which contains plentiful cancer inducing chemicals, most of which sit back in your lungs.

Subsequently, smoking invites awful ailments like cancer, heart diseases, strokes, lung infectivity, hampering the growth and proper health of a fetus during pregnancy and much more.It is also a major cause for premature ageing and dullness of your skin, ahead of lowering your stamina. In due course, it seizes the entire organs of your body and you are likely to depart this life ten years earlier than your non smoking peers. You don’t really wish to come under its grip and witness such a dreadful scenario. Do you?

Yet again, by and large, as time passes by, smoking becomes an addiction which is, then, hard to thrust aside. What if you are stressed in your life, is this the only way out to get relieved and feel relaxed? I doubt.

One can cling on to good habits too, in order to feel at ease. Look around, listen to soothing melodies, share your feelings with your acquaintances, practice meditation, go for long walks. Further, instead of smelling the fumes of a cigarette, breathe in the aroma of the scrumptious food in front of you and you will, unquestionably, feel good.

Envision a cigarette sobbing – Save me! Today if I am burning because of you, then tomorrow it is your turn.

Relationships. When we were single, we talked about them, we fantasized about them, and we couldn’t wait to be in one. But… did you get in the relationship for the right reasons? Did you get in the relationship because you truly were ready for one or were you just bored? Were you just lonely? Or were you just in love with the idea of being in a relationship? Sometimes we may feel like we want a relationship when we see our girlfriends getting married and feel left out. Society has made 30 the magical age somehow for a woman to be married by. Remember the fairytales? By 30, you should be married with your 2 kids, a dog and your house with the white picket fence. So if you hit 30 or are over the age of 30 and you’re still single, what’s wrong with you? That’s what society makes you question. There must be something wrong with you because you haven’t settled down yet so you start questioning your worth. I say to h*ll with that! You are not defined, your worth is not defined by your relationship status. I see people in relationships that don’t need to be in them. They are just roommates. They are just going through the motions. It’s a one-sided relationship. I know the importance of being equally yoked with someone having been engaged before. Hence, why I refuse to settle. If you’re in a relationship, you should be happy. The two of you should bring out the best in each other. You should both genuinely like each other and love each other. No relationship is perfect of course. You’ll have your ups and downs but overall, it’s love. There’s love. And people can feel that when they’re around you. Granted, we know some people play it off; they put on a show in front of people and behind closed doors despise each other. But why? Why are you in a loveless relationship? Why are you in a situation where you’re clearly unhappy and/or questioning the other person’s love for you? Where is your self-respect? I write for women but the principles almost always apply to men as well. So, there will never ever be intentional male bashing, just my point of view. I believe in love. I believe we are all worthy and deserving of love. We all want to love and be loved. However, a relationship should give to us, not take away from us. There should be value to coming together. Here are a few signs that you may need to consider whether or not you’re in a healthy relationship:

Illness. If you’re consistently stressed out and getting sick, this could be a sign that you’re not in the right relationship. Les Brown, a world renowned motivational speaker, talked about something called relational illness in the movie ‘Beyond The Secret’. There are some people that can make you sick. It may sound crazy but think about it. If you are a vibrant and optimistic person, for example, and you get in a relationship with a pessimistic curmudgeon, there is a high probability that you will become like them. You’ll go from being a high energy person down to being a low energy pessimist. Why? Because we are who we hang around. We feed off of each other’s energy. So if you are not in the right relationship, your health could suffer. All of the emotional and mental stress can take its toll on you.

Goals/Vision. Are you both aligned to each other’s life visions? Do you want to live the same type of lifestyle? Are you both into growth or is one person just comfortable and not open to change? It is important that you be in a relationship with someone who is on the same wavelength as you. A person who is a fitness guru, for example, and a person who is a complete couch potato may have a hard time being together. We have to be honest with ourselves. Sharing the same values is crucial. You have to be aligned to what’s most important in each other’s lives. It’s kind of like the non-negotiable list (which should be values-based, not superficial) – there are certain things that are non-negotiable for you to consider being in a relationship. If you haven’t done a list like that, your deal breakers essentially, I suggest you do. I would say do a top 5 but top 10 the most; Values that you absolutely need in a relationship. Otherwise, it’s likely not going to work.

Happiness. Do you feel happy? Are you happy to go home? Do you truly like the person you’re with? Or did you just take the 1st person that showed you some attention? Are you just passing the time with them because at least you have someone? Be honest with yourself. We all deserve true love. I believe we can have the love we desire if we, for one, didn’t settle so much. We have to look within ourselves and do some self-reflection. That will help us discover some hidden beliefs we may have about love and what we think we’re worthy and deserving of. In addition, possible self-esteem issues that we may need to work on. Love is easy. I even heard Steve Harvey say that once. Love itself is easy. In the right relationship, you feel happy. You feel the love. You don’t have to question it. It flows natural. It feels good. It feels right. It is NOT one-sided. You don’t feel like you’re settling. And you sure as heck wouldn’t be thinking about someone else if you were truly happy and in love.

Love yourself enough to walk away if it’s no longer growing you or making you happy. If it doesn’t honor you, why are you choosing to stay? Work on you. Increase your self-love. Take time out for yourself to rediscover who you are and what you want from life. You deserve love and you’re worthy of love but it must be right and should be healthy. So don’t settle for less.

Bellow listed common and not so common metals and their alloys that can be found in cage materials (wires, frame), hardware (screws, padlocks, hinges), parrot toys and common stuff around your house. Some of them if ingested may have adverse affect on your parrot’s health.

All birds are very sensitive to toxins because of fast metabolism, delicate skin and respiratory system, small size, and digestive system with gizzard (pH 2.0, and 42C) that allows some non-food items sit there for prolong time releasing toxins or causing obstruction, impaction, bleeding and death. Natural curiosity and cleverness that pushes parrots to reach for, to chew and taste any usual and unusual objects and strength of its’ beaks put parrots even at greater risk of being exposed to toxins not only when ingested, but through skin contact or when inhaled. Toxins (like heavy metals) get usually deposited in brain, bones, feathers and some in muscle tissue; and may damage many different organs causing non-specific signs of illness.

Paint used on your bird’s cage is the main concern. Powder coating is much stronger than regularly applied paint that easily flakes and can be ingested and let the cage rust.

In short – ingesting any paint or any kind of metal is never a good thing – doesn’t matter how safe it is, especially there are no standards for safe levels of toxic metals established for birds.

Lead and Zinc – highly poisonous for parrots. Exposure to paint or alloys in cage wires containing metals, as Lead and Zinc is the most dangerous to parrots since they naturally not only chew on everything but also use their beaks to climb. If your cage material or hardware contains these metals it more likely will cause heavy metal poisoning in your parrot. Also your family could be exposed to lead in a dust from your parrot’s activity around the cage. The most common signs of poisoning in birds besides subdued behavior and shutting down – with lead poisoning – seizures and falls from the perch, with Zinc – falls from the perch. If you have any suspicion – contact your bird avian vet immediately. The bigger the parrot the bigger the danger – the large birds can easily scratch, shave or detach by chewing up some pieces of softer metals or paint.

Beside paint Lead may be used in paint primers, in soldering metal – soldered joints in cage (distinguished from welded joints), foil on wine bottles, champagne wire, fishing weights, curtain weights, rifle bullets and pellets, stained glass, in PVC and caulk.

Industry standards for Lead refer for the safe standards established by federal government that currently allow less then 600 ppm (parts per million parts or 0.06 % by weight) of Lead in household paint.

Check with manufacturers regarding Zinc, as there are no federal regulations for its content in paint.

Zinc is essential trace element, playing important role in enzymatic activity, but if ingested in uncontrolled amounts from non-food items may lead to high accumulation and toxicity. Zinc is not only used in paint but also may be used in plating – galvanization of cage wires, hardware and some metal parts of bird’s toys (galvanization is term used only for zinc coatings to protect cage metal or hardware from oxidation and make it look better). This is extremely toxic for parrots as described above.

Not to mention Zinc galvanized wire or mesh in outdoor aviaries. Don’t treat outdoor aviaries with vinegar to guard your parrot against zinc poisoning – what it actually does it will etch upper very accessible oxidized zinc layer (dull whitish coat – zinc rust) and zinc coating underneath oxidized layer to some point – not necessarily remove all of it but thin it enough to make underlying metal prone to oxidation and rusting which is also not good. This procedure may be sufficient to protect small birds from zinc poisoning but it seems as the best bet to avoid zinc around parrots altogether. Other zinc and its’ compounds applications: UV protection in plastics, Sun protective creams and lotions, fire retardants, wood preservatives and agricultural fungicides.

Copper is an essential trace element required for hemoglobin formation and is a component of several enzyme systems. Copper is soft metal usually used for plating (not only US Mint cent coins – copper 2.5% plated zinc 97.5%, but also hardware and decorative elements on your cage), kitchen utensils, copper wire, welding. Copper can be potentially poisonous to birds – usually oxidized copper causes troubles – storing acidic food in copper containers or slightly acidic water from copper piping may contribute to elevated levels of this metal in your bird’s diet and it’s easy to avoid. Copper is a popular algaecide and fungicide (used in commercial and residential pools as well as to spray vegetables and grains to prevent fungus and algae growth).

Brass is alloy of copper and zinc and usually used in padlocks – it’s probably OK for small birds that are unlikely to chew the padlock, but should be avoided around parrots. You can find few documented cases of metal toxicity in parrots that chew brass padlocks.

Nickel could be potentially toxic to your bird. Even though there are little documented evidence could be found clarifying nickel toxicity for pet-birds and parrots in particular, few articles clearly show that nickel is moderately toxic to wild birds as well as poultry (especially in young actively growing birds – in experiments growth of chicks to 4 weeks of age was significantly depressed at 700 ppm nickel and above). Nickel is commonly known as human allergen (causing dermatitis upon skin contact) and its insoluble salts and soluble aerosols are highly toxic to everything live. Nickel commonly used for plating as it prevents metal corrosion (on iron and copper usually). So even if you decided that it’s OK to have nickel-plated stuff around your parrot check it frequently, as it may chip and expose underlying metal to oxidation.

Tin is soft metal considered by many experts as not toxic for birds unless it’s “galvanized tin” (which is misused term for galvanized sheet metal (galvanized steel) or some small galvanized iron containers) – if in doubt – consult manufacturer. According to Wikipedia metal tin itself is non-toxic but most tin salts are, as well as some organic tin compounds – TBT (tributyltin) for example. TBT is very toxic – thin layer of this polymer may serve as a protective coating on non-food glass and ceramics. Tin resists corrosion from distilled, sea and soft tap water, but can be attacked by strong acids, alkalis and acid salts. Tin is present in various alloys, such as soldering tin & bronze, pewter, bell metal, Babbitt metal and dental amalgams. Organotin compounds are used as fungicides, insecticides and bactericides and they are well known for animal and human toxicity. Additionally, these are applied as PVC and PCB heat stabilizers.

Steel /a.k.a. Wrought Iron is hard metal nontoxic (mostly because it’s hard and very difficult for parrot to detach and ingest piece of it) to birds, but rust – is, so be careful as cage coating wears off and corrosion starts – consider powder coated cages versus pained. Powder coating is much stronger and structured surface of this coating provides better grip for birds.

Stainless Steel (SS)- is very hard material, that will not shave or scrape easily, will not rust under normal indoor conditions. It doesn’t require any coating, plating or paint, very easy to take care for – you can power wash (just remove your beloved bird!:) and wipe the cage dry – basically nothing to worry about. Couple comments on Stainless Steel:

Some stainless steels may stain and rust if left in humid acidic environment for prolong time or if bird’s droppings accumulate in some places that also keep moisture;

You can find many references saying that SS is not magnetic – this is not exactly correct. Stainless steel is any alloy that contains 10.5% or more of chromium and iron in excess of 50% and other components. Its magnetic property depends on what other components of this alloy are – nickel, magnesium, carbon, nitrogen, molybdenum…Any steel alloy with nickel is not magnetic (nickel strengthen stainless characteristic of iron and chromium alloy). Medical grade SS usually uses nickel and chromium so it’s not magnetic. Alloys only with chromium (no nickel) are magnetic. Different combinations of components define magnetic power of alloy.

Some parrot’s owners say that bright super glossy SS cages (shiny almost mirror-like looking surfaces) made their parrots very exited (even agitated) – it may make sense to look for SS cages that have less lustrous finish – polished surface with subdued mat tone – electro-polishing usually does just that.

Aluminum is a soft metal and by many considered as safe for birds. However few studies indicated that some birds’ species in aluminum-laden habitats with high Aluminum diet have elevated aluminum level in bones and laid deformed eggs with soft shells leading to reduced hatchability. Other studies bring concerns with bone grows and body weight gain in growing chicks with elevated aluminum in the diet. So it’s probably more safe not to let your parrot put his beak on aluminum stuff around your house and to avoid it in bird’s toys (just as mere precaution – you never know what reaction your particular bird will have)

Most of parrot aluminum toxicity cases that were documented connected to heated aluminum foil – which is mostly attributed to fumes from its non-stick polymer additives.

Selenium, mercury, cadmium, arsenic, thallium and cobalt are potentially toxic to birds. Poisoning causes by these elements have been well documented in wild birds due to environmental exposure and infrequently diagnosed in pet birds but it seems prudent to know main sources of household exposure to these elements.

Selenium is another required dietary element that can be toxic if ingested in high amounts. Selenium used in electronic industry, glass and rubber production, photographic processing, pesticides and shampoos – avoid your parrot contact with these chemicals. Interpretation of selenium toxicity is complicated by its interaction with other metals, particularly with mercury and arsenic that may reduce selenium toxicity.

Mercury is nonessential very toxic heavy metal. It affects the immune system, alters genetic and enzyme systems, and damages the nervous system, including coordination and the senses of touch, taste, and sight. Since most of the household hazards associated with mercury were recognized and eliminated while ago – until you are feeding your parrot fish and mercury containing thermometers it’s highly unlikely that your bird will have exposure to the most toxic mercury form – Methyl-mercury or elemental mercury.

Cadmium – is found in some batteries, pigments, used in electroplating, soldering, alloy manufacturing and plastic production. Cadmium and its compounds are extremely toxic even in low concentration. If ingested, bird will accumulate it in liver and kidney causing kidney damage, reduced egg production and altered behavior.

Cadmium is long known as carcinogen. Besides possible cadmium exposure through food (most of the plants have high level of absorption and accumulation of environmental cadmium – one more reason to feed your parrot organic food), burning fossil fuels such as coal and oil and smoking are other dangerous sources of cadmium exposure – since lungs absorb cadmium much more effective then guts. Do not smoke around your parrot and never let it to reach for you cigarette butts, don’t burn coal or use oil lamps. Keep your artist paints (if it applies to you) out of reach of your parrot. Cadmium Yellow, Orange & Red pigments used in artistic colors, in coloring plastics and some specialty paints, in color glass and ceramic glazes (Tiffany lamps, red stoplights) also contain cadmium.

Arsenic has been used to control agricultural pests, to pressure treat wood for outdoor use (until 2003) and in chemotherapeutics. If ingested different organic and inorganic arsenic compounds accumulate in kidney and liver and may cause anemia, nervous disorders and immune system suppression. Hopefully your parrot exposure to this hazard is very limited.

Thallium sulfate (salt of heavy metal Thallium) used as rodenticide (to control rats) and household insecticide (ants and cockroaches) – is highly toxic to mammals, birds and insects used only by professional exterminators – very unlikely your parrot will be exposed to any of this unless you store and use this chemicals in your house.

Cobalt and its salts are used in nuclear medicine, enamels and semiconductors, grinding wheels, painting on glass and porcelain, hygrometers and electroplating, in vitamin B12 manufacture, as a drier for lacquers, varnishes, and paints, and as a catalyst for organic chemical reactions.

According to Wikipedia although cobalt is an essential element for life in minute amounts, at higher levels of exposure it shows mutagenic and carcinogenic effects similar to nickel. After nickel and hexavalent chromium (VI), cobalt is a major cause of contact dermatitis in people.

Play it safe – check all metals in your bird cage and on your birds toys regularly for chipping, peeling, rust & oxidation.

More and more people are interested in finding nontoxic RVs simply because of the obvious irritating smell, surprising symptoms experienced after residing in an RV and the question of long term health damage for some people who camp or live in RVs. While this may seem to be a nonsensical topic to some people, it is a viable concern for many who have experience first hand the noxious fumes of new campers when the door is first opened after being shut up for a period of time.

There are even health concerns that have been addressed by state and federal agencies regarding the dangers of pre-fabricated trailers that further pin point this problem. One in particular points to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina of Louisiana when many people had to be housed in trailers brought in by the government for the homeless. Many people began to report various physical symptoms as a result of living in these chemical laden trailers.

Even though this example is from pre-fab house trailers, the same materials in house trailers are often used by manufacturers to build RV, campers, travel trailers and pop-ups. The problem with many of the typical materials used to build RVs is that the materials are often laced with various chemicals and toxins that degas over time. Some of the reasons for this of course is the fact that compounded materials are much cheaper than materials such as solid wood. Also, much of the compounded materials are lighter than their counterparts which is much more conducive for use in recreational vehicles. However, more and more consumers are becoming aware of the dangers associated to long-term exposures to many of these compounded building materials and wish to use alternatives if possible.

The problem with this is that most manufacturers are driven by the bottom line and cannot afford to replace much of the compounded, cheaper materials with more expensive, more natural building supplies. Unfortunately, a lot of the safer, more natural or less toxic materials tend to be more expensive and manufacturers would have to pass the cost on to consumers which would cut into the profit margin.

For consumers who want to find RVs that are less toxic, it is important to find one or two brands that tend to use more expensive materials that tend to be less dangerous in toxicity. For example, a better choice for chipped board which is commonly used in RVs, is plywood. Plywood has less chemically laced bonding agents in it than does chipped board which is virtually wood chips that are glued together with highly toxic materials. If you wonder about the truth of this, simply stand beside a slab of chipped board and smell the fumes that constantly emit from it. Then stand beside a slab of plywood and notice the lesser pungent odor.

So far, nontoxic RVs are not manufactured by any company that specializes in chemical-free recreational vehicles. However, some manufacturers such as Airstream just happen to produce slightly less toxic models simply because they use higher end materials that have less chemical binders in the building materials. If you’re looking for a nontoxic RV or want to lessen the toxicity of your current camper, there are several online sources that provide more information regarding safe sealants for interiors as well as renovation tips for nontoxic RVs.

We are a generation constantly struggling with many illnesses, allergies, and chronic diseases. There are many factors responsible for it — mainly environmental pollution, unhealthy cooking and eating habits. Out of these, environmental pollution is something we can’t change overnight but we can certainly change what we eat and how we cook it. Eating healthy is essential for a healthy life. A general misconception is that healthy eating is only about not eating junk food. But the fact is – there is more to it than just avoiding junk food…

Healthy cooking involves a careful choice of ingredients AND cooking it in the safest way possible. That’s the reason non-toxic cookware is need of the hour.

When it comes to the process of cooking food, the commonly available pots and pans are made from metals and ceramic – both leach toxins into food. Metals leach into whatever is stored in them. It may not be so at room temperature, but as we know cooking involves heating, and in the presence of heat these metals react with food and leach in.

Similarly, ceramics contain chemicals that leach into food while cooking. These toxins from metals and ceramic are so harmful to our health and the detrimental changes they cause in organs are irreversible.

It’s important that we switch to a cookware that is made from 100% non-toxic material. Pure clay is one such material. It is harvested from unfarmed and non-industrialized lands in the US, where it is found in the purest form. As it is naturally inert, it doesn’t leach toxins while cooking.

When you keep using non-toxic cookware for some time, your body cleanses out accumulated toxins and you start seeing the effects of healthy cooking. Adding to the benefits, food cooked in pure clay pots is nutrition-rich and delicious. Unlike metal/ceramic pots, the heat from these pots is food-friendly and doesn’t damage the nutrients.

In this day and age, with all the demands of living a hectic life, our bodies need good food more than anything else. Truly good food can only be cooked in “healthy” and 100% non-toxic cookware.

Consider this: what good does it do to buy wholesome, choice ingredients and cook it in pots and pans that leach their own ingredients into that food. For example, food is made of oxygen, hydrogen molecules, halogens, bases and acids. this is exactly what metals react with: nickel from stainless steel combines with oxygen to form Nickel Oxide (2NiO(s)). Or with chorine, an essential halogen, to form Nickel Chloride (NiCl2). This is the same with ALL metals, including Titanium. The issue is that they are not just as implants in the body, they are fused with nutrients and make the nutrients less valuable in the body.

In light of this, consider 100% pure-clay cookware. It’s just the opposite. this pure form of earth is only made up of nutrients and when fired it fuses to become a completely inert cooking pot.

Choose the right cookware and preserve your health starting today!

We've all observed the person who dampens enthusiasm or spoils our enjoyment of work. These folk, whilst few in number, erode workplace culture and they are something of curse for HR professionals given the distractions they engender and the work they create.

LinkedIn, HR sites, business journals and jobs boards variously address the impact toxic co-workers have, how to avoid them and, when you have no choice, how to deal with them. All well and good but somehow they keep popping up and are generally well ensconced in the workplace. So, how do you recognize them? What traits do they have? Are you sure you have one? Try the test below, apply the metrics and then you will be in no doubt if there is a Grinch in your midst.

Choose a person in your workplace you know well and who might qualify and check their level of toxicity.

Scoring:

0 I do not detect this at all
1 I have noted a hint of this but it's very much the exception
2 I observe this fairly frequently
3I observe this all of the time

1 Fails to listen and indeed does not want to hear

2 Pressures and generally harasses others

3 Is unapproachable, remote, reclusive, suspicious and moody

4 Displays aggression when questioned, challenged or threatened

5 Reacts and demonstrates hostility for the slightest of reasons

6 Lacks emotional intelligence

7 Is inconsistent, unpredictable, erratic and lacking in focus

8 Plays games with people and enjoys intrigue

9 Bullies, intimidates, threatens, undermines, ridicules and is mean spirited

10 Withholds information and misrepresents

11 Entraps others, feeds off their mistakes. Tells tales, gossips and suck-ups to top management

12 Bosses people, engages in constant criticism and personalizes issues

13 Lies, covers up and is untrustworthy

14 Is often sarcastic, disparaging, condescending and / or patronizing

15 Treats others with contempt, disrespect, discourtesy

16 Runs with their own agendas and promotes themselves

17 Divides, denigrates, insults, spreads rumors, undermines (often the boss) and fashions discord

18 Is opportunistic and self-serving

19 Operates on the belief that they are always right

20 Creates and sustains work-place tension and enjoys the fact

TOTAL SCORE:

SCORE BANDS:

0 – 10 You enjoy a colleague free of toxic behavior
11 – 20 You have a colleague who sometimes is toxic
21 – 30 You have a colleague who frequently is toxic
31 – 40 You have an established and seasoned toxic colleague
41 + You have a serial and chronic toxic colleague who wreaks havoc

I recently had someone ask me what was wrong with sassafras–I did not include this item in the main spice section of my book. My answer was that if you bought it in a store, it was probably fine. The FDA banned its use because it contained safrole, which causes liver damage and some kinds of cancer, if taken over a long period of time. Root extracts from the plant do not contain this substance and are, thus, still used in making tea and root beer. I would not use it in the wild, because the leaves may contain safrole.

When I was deciding which spices and herbs to include in the book, items that I felt were of concern were placed in the back of the spice section and defined. Licorice, MSG (monosodium glutamate), rue and sumac were also defined as flavorings to avoid, regardless of the fact that they may have some positive uses. Even common herbs and spices, such as juniper, lovage and nutmeg may cause problems.

You would think that as common and popular as black licorice is, that it would be perfectly safe to eat. The twirled sticks that you may find irresistible are made from the juice of the root and concentrated by boiling. It is also available as a capsule, extract, tincture, tea, lozenge, ointment, as a whole root and as a juice. The side effects and list of people, who should not use this substance is lengthy, from pregnant women to diabetics to people with high blood pressure or eye problems. If you have any disorders or are taking any medication make sure you tell your doctor before you use or take licorice in any format.

Having said that, it is important to note that licorice is second only to ginseng in the Chinese stock of natural medicines. It seems to have as many benefits as drawbacks. It loosens mucus and thus is good for coughs, sore throats, food poisoning, and liver and stomach disorders. It boosts your immune system and fights herpes, cold sores, yeast infections, digestive ulcers and viral hepatitis. It is considered an antioxidant.

I have had people tell me that MSG (monosodium glutamate) is good for people. Of all the studies done, it still appears that, although some people have reactions to MSG, it remains an acceptable ingredient for use by food companies throughout the world. That is hard to explain to someone like my husband, who reacts to it with severe headaches. It does occur naturally in meats and in fermented foods, such as cheese or soy sauce and the FDA does not require labeling anything that is naturally occurring. All you can do is read the labels and try to avoid it if you have a reaction to it.

Rue leaves smells bad, so bad that it repels cats. Its bitter taste has all but stopped its use as a culinary herb. Its bitter taste has all but stopped its use as a culinary herb. It can be dangerous in large amounts, but acceptable if using only a leaf or two. It can cause abortions in pregnant women and can cause severe burning and blistering upon skin contact. In fact, it contains a substance that is used as an abortive in horses. No longer available in grocery stores, it is an easy one to avoid. Ethiopians and Mediterranean countries are the major culinary users.

Sumac berries have an acidic, sour fruity taste. You may have heard of poison sumac, which makes you break out like poison oak or ivy. For this reason sumac is not available in most stores. In cooking the berries can be used in everything and blend well with onion and olive oil. It is used mostly as a replacement for lemon juice or vinegar.

Juniper berries are the source of gin. Three to four crushed, dried berries are used to flavor roasts and stews. Extensive use can cause kidney damage. Never eat raw berries. Ask your nursery whether you can use the berries off the juniper bush you buy from them for drying and for culinary purposes. When in doubt, do without. Berries are high in natural insulin, decrease fertility and should not be taken by pregnant women. On the plus side, it has been used for gastrointestinal complaints and urinary infections.

Lovage is a culinary herb that has a strong, lemony, celery-like taste. It can overwhelm other flavors and in large quantities can harm kidneys. Pregnant women should not use it. It is also known as smallage and is used to flavor eggs, soups, stews and salads. Its seeds are used in breads and cakes.

Although high doses of nutmeg may be poisonous, our typical use in baking has no effect. Animals seem to be more sensitive to it and you should, therefore, not feed eggnog to dogs. In high doses it can cause long periods of sleep and dehydration. To be on the safe side, I would avoid letting small children drink large amounts of eggnog.

Like everything else, moderation is the key to happiness and well-being. If you don’t read labels and don’t understand the components of what you eat, excesses can unwittingly bring about problems. Knowledge is power. Read more about whatever you eat and remember that most spices in your spice rack will not only tantalize your taste buds, but they are full of vitamins and nutrients that are good for you.

Leaving a toxic or destructive relationship is not an easy prospect. Because the nature of the relationship dynamic often serves to leave the affected partner feeling inferior, incapable, or unworthy, it can become a vicious cycle in which the traumatized partner feels less and less able to go it alone as the toxic behavior or mistreatment by the other partner gets worse – and it often escalates over time. Fortunately, when you do make the choice to change the channel and get away from the abusive, addicted, or unfaithful behavior of your partner, there are certain benefits to look forward to. Here are the first 2 of 5 benefits for moving onward from a toxic relationship:

1. You will have more energy and time to focus upon your own goals and needs. It is incredible how much focus and mental bandwidth can go into keeping a toxic relationship afloat. You might spend time wondering how to keep the peace, how to please your unpleasable partner, and how to contain the damaging behavior of your partner. Without this filling your mind, you can look at your own dreams and aspirations.

2. Your relationships with others in your life will improve. Whether your partner is controlling over your time spent with other people or not, the level of preoccupation you have with maintaining your toxic relationship has an effect on your ability to engage with others fully. You’ll have more ability to truly “check in” and hear what’s going on in the lives of your friends and family, and be able to offer more concentration, and time, to these relationships.