The question of what to say when he finally calls isn’t a new one. Most women have wondered about this. The scenario is typically the same and it’s always as frustrating. You haven’t heard from your guy in days. You’ve left him countless voicemail messages and you even sent him an email or two. Still there’s no word from him. You get anxious, worried and then when you least expect it, the phone finally rings. So what exactly should you be saying to him in this case?

The best answer to the question of what to say when he finally calls is nothing. Obviously you need to greet him but it’s not a great idea to verbally attack him over the fact that he hasn’t called you in days. In most cases, he’ll be expecting this and he has his ammunition at the ready. If you ask him where he’s been, he’ll act nonchalant about it and say that you’re the one making a mountain out of a mole hill. Suddenly you feel foolish and overbearing and he’s in the right. You obviously don’t want to put yourself into that position at all.

You need to actually act a bit detached, yet friendly. It sounds like a delicate balance and it is. It’s not that hard to do though. Just be polite once you do answer the phone. Keep the conversation very general. If he asks how you are, just reply that you’re good and that you’ve been quite busy. Don’t delve into details about what’s going on in your life or what’s happened since the two of you last talked.

The key is to really just have the same demeanor with him on the phone as you would any other friend. You need to talk to him solely as a friend, and not as a boyfriend. He’ll notice the slight shift in the way you interact with him and that will speak volumes to him.

The last thing you must do when he finally calls is to be the first to end the conversation. Tell him that you were just heading out the door but it was so great to catch up. If he says he’d like to get together, tell him you’ll need to check your schedule but you’ll let him know. Doing this will serve to show him that you have other, more pressing things to tend to. He’ll be confused as to why talking to him isn’t on the top of your priority list.

This small shift in your attitude, combined with your desire to end the call will show him that you’re not the type to sit idly by patiently waiting for the phone to ring. Doing this will almost guarantee that he won’t take as long to call you back ever again. Suddenly he’ll be questioning whether you’re as devoted to him as he thought you were. Once those doubts start to creep into his mind, he’ll work extra hard to please you.

I recently had an interesting conversation with a friend who had just returned from a kayaking holiday in Vancouver. After an exhausting four days of kayaking she was less than enthusiastic when their guide asked if she’d like to join them for some night-time kayaking as well. She wasn’t too impressed!

It was only when the others returned that she discovered they’d gone kayaking in water that looked like liquid gold. It was full of pyrosomes, translucent sea creatures that glow in the dark. If she’d taken up the offer she’d have found herself dipping her paddles in liquid light.

Why didn’t the tour guide properly explain what was involved, what she would have experienced, how awesome and unique a time it could have been?

Yet isn’t this something many of us do? We know our stuff so well that it’s second-nature to us and so we fail to appreciate that others may not have even a basic level of insight or understanding of what we’re talking about. It’s not an intentional omission, but simply an oversight based on familiarity, rather than having any malicious or ulterior motive. We may ‘not think’, or don’t want to over-explain and appear condescending or patronising.

I’m guessing many of us will have seen a flyer or poster advertising an event with crucial information missing, like the date or time. The organisers were so familiar with all the details that they become word blind and forgot to step back and double-check. That’s why it’s a good idea to let a relative stranger proof read any copy before the final release.

Here are some tips for when we’re wanting to communicate effectively with others, points to remember when we want to clearly inform them about what’s happening. Whether it’s work or social, business or domestic, in order to avoid confusion or misunderstanding a few ground rules are useful to take on board so that we’re clear and say what’s involved.

– It’s unreasonable to expect others to be psychic and understand what’s in our minds or what we’re trying to say, no matter how closely acquainted we may be. Being clear, especially over something important, demonstrates respect and offers the opportunity for further discussion and clarification, if required. Don’t make assumptions. As with the kayaking trip, a simple question could ascertain what people know and don’t know..

– A little forethought can avoid you sounding superior or condescending. Avoid jargon, industry shorthand or acronyms. Maybe repeat what you have to say, but in a couple of different ways. Then check-in with the other person to ensure that they’re comfortably on board.

– Establish some common ground, so that everyone knows what’s going on and is starting from the same page. It’s important that there’s inclusivity, with everyone’s role being valued, so that they’re clear about the agenda, are up to speed and aware of what’s needing to be discussed.

– Be sensitive. Recognise that you’re adept, perhaps even expert in your field. Equally others could have a high level of competency in their specialism, but relatively little knowledge about yours. When the initial communication is being prompted by you ensure there’s an appreciation of where everyone’s starting from.

– Listen to how the other person responds and is feeling. This can be especially important when we need to ensure that everyone’s being kept up to speed. Be open to discussing their reactions and feedback, so avoiding second-guessing or prejudging their views.

– Don’t treat questions as challenges. It may be that they’re coming at the conversation from a totally different perspective. Being receptive to their input may invite interesting new thoughts and contributions that you’d previously not even considered.

– In a work environment being clear is crucial, as in briefing staff, suppliers and agreeing what customers and clients are wanting. Sometimes an agenda or minutes can be a good way of confirming all the important details.

Two-way channels of communication are a fundamental requirement of good practice in every area of life, so remember to be clear and say what’s involved.

So you are smart enough to practice safe sex (preventing both pregnancy and STDs) by properly using a condom. But what do you do with the condom when you are done with it? Here are some hints on environmentally-friendly condom disposal.

Firstly, don’t flush your condoms, ever! Flushing condoms is not the way to deal with them. Condoms can clog the plumbing in your house (or the plumbing wherever you happen to be). This can be an expensive and embarrassing situation. If the condom manages to make it through your septic system, it will only end up with the solid waste. This means that somebody has to pull it out of the sewage treatment, which isn’t pleasant for anybody. The condom might even make it past the treatment plant. This is not good because it means that it could end up in the water supply, and the last thing we need is more pollution in our rivers, lakes, and oceans.

Not all condoms are made equally. Most condoms are made of latex, which means that they will biodegrade. Latex, however, does not biodegrade when it is under water, which is why it is not good to flush your used condoms. Condoms are not entirely made of latex, however, and the other things on condoms (spermicide, lubricant) might affect the biodegradability. The best option seems to be to send them to a landfill and see how they pass the test of time.

Some condoms, including all female condoms, are made of polyurethane, a type of plastic. These will not biodegrade. There is no option, however, except to put them in the garbage, because your local recycling depot won’t recycle used condoms. They won’t even recycle new condoms.

Other condoms are made of lambskin. These are completely biodegradable condoms. Don’t run out and get lambskin condoms just yet though! Lambskin condoms do not protect against sexually transmitted diseases. The pores in the lambskin are small enough to stop sperm, and so prevent pregnancy, but the pores are large enough to let sexually transmitted diseases and infections through. This option is only viable for people in monogamous relationships who have been tested for sexually transmitted diseases. If this is the case, you could consider an even more environmentally friendly barrier form of birth control such as a diaphragm, cervical cap, or shield. Ask your doctor what is best for you.

Regardless of what material of condom you use (latex, polyurethane, or lambskin), you are going to have a wrapper to dispose of. These foil wrappers will not biodegrade, nor can they be recycled. This simply has to be put in the garbage.

Even if your latex or lambskin condoms are biodegradable, it is best not to try to compost or bury your condoms. Animals will smell the human scent and try to dig up what you have buried. This means that there will be unsightly used condoms around. Burying your condom is tantamount to littering: and there are better ways to deal with your condoms available.

So, in the end, what is the best way to dispose of your condoms? The best thing is to wrap it in a bit of toilet paper or paper towel (or any other biodegradable material: think paper bases such as paper bags) and then to put it in the garbage. Don’t wrap your condom up in plastic, as then it certainly won’t biodegrade. The good news is that the semen and vaginal fluid on the condom certainly will biodegrade, and might facilitate the condom biodegrading.

And lastly, remember…never reuse a condom. Although reduce, reuse, and recycle is the motto for environmentalism, you need to put your health first on this one. Don’t minimize your condom use, don’t reuse your condoms, and it’s too bad that you can’t yet recycle them. To think on an environmentally broader scale, using condoms is environmentally friendly because it is preventing the spread of communicable diseases. It is also preventing conception, and children have been documented to be hugs consumers of global resources.

Hopefully soon we will be able to figure out an environmentally friendly way to practice safe sex. Until then, we’ll make do with what we can, and we will continue using condoms.

In this Spanish lesson, I will show you how to say “to keep on doing something” in Spanish or how do you say “to still be something” in Spanish. You can use the verb “seguir” with a progressive construction to say “to still be doing something” or “to keep on doing something”

Por ejemplo (for example)…

Sigues comiendo cordero?

Do you keep eating lamb?

Sí, sigo comiendo cordero.

Yes, I keep eating lamb.

El ladron sigue raponeando a la gente.

The thief keeps pick-pocketing people.

El jugador de fútbol sigue sudando.

The soccer player keeps sweating.

Ellas siguen cargando sus libros en una mochila.

They keep carrying their books in a knapsack.

Seguimos agarrando la pelota.

We keep catching the ball.

La araña sigue atrapando las moscas.

The spider keeps trapping the flies.

La batida sigue regándose.

The milkshake keeps spilling.

Note that in any many parts of the Spanish speaking world the “gente” say “el batido”

but in Colombia the “gente” say “la batida.”

Una hebra (de hilo) sigue colgando de mi gorro.

A piece of thread keeps hanging from my cap.

Note that in many parts of the Spanish speaking world the “gente” say “la gorra” for “cap,” but in Colombia the “gente” use “el gorro” for “cap.”

The word “la gorra” does exist here in Colombia but “gorra” refers to a thick hat that may be made of “lana” (wool) or “algodón” (cotton) or another material that is warm enough to protect one from the cold.

This concludes today’s Spanish grammar lesson.

WITH around eighty percent of eligible Australians having taken part in the SSM postal survey, it’s clear that most consider it an important issue. So significant, in fact, that it almost appears that the bell curve of views is inverted – everyone believes passionately at either side, fewer remaining middle of the road than ever. It can make for social war.

The result, therefore, polarised many of us. Many were elated and many, though fewer in number, were exasperated. Both the elated and the exasperated have the opportunity to conform back to the thinking of Christ.

Jesus challenged almost everyone he ever engaged with. Some were challenged for their encouragement. Others were rebuked, given cause for reflection. Others again received God’s wrath for the audacity they showed in abusing the powerless (i.e. chief priests and scribes). Few people are well at ease with the historical Jesus, except the powerless or those for whom life had crushed, who were also humbly ready to be nearer to God.

God does not change. Jesus does not change. He is the same yesterday, today, forever (Hebrews 13:8). His nature is how the Holy Spirit works. We stray off-line a tenth of a degree and the still, small, silent voice of the Lord counsels us back to the true and ancient path (Jeremiah 6:16).

I’m not entirely sure what Jesus would say. I’m not sure others can identify with precision what the Lord would say either. But I’m sure he would have many things to say – all truth-filled, balanced, wise, and challenges for us all to mull over. As we read the gospels, he was actually amazingly unpredictable in what he said, when he said it, and to whom he said what he said. Sure, we can say what he said makes so much sense, but wisdom is always logical from hindsight.

Simply posing this question helps us Christians check ourselves, before we respond – in the tradition of Psalm 139:23-24. In such a case, we might be counselled by the Holy Spirit to do what is always blessed and resist what is only occasionally blessed and at other times harmful.

Acting justly, being kind, and walking humbly –

these are always right.

***

It is good to ask unanswerable questions. They get us to stop and reflect into the mystery of life, which is God. And where we arrive at isn’t a set viewpoint, but acceptance for what is. That is God’s blessing for us, today and every day. It is great to know that we don’t know.

A safe position we as individuals can arrive at on complex matters like SSM is:

· acknowledge it’s complex, and that none of us owns every corner of truth on this issue or any other issue;

· understand our role is to act justly, be kind to others, and walk humbly with God (Micah 6:8), which means:

o we bear one another, our differences and inclinations, in mind, with respect;

o we watch what we do or say to avoid hurt and augment healing;

o acknowledge our opinions are just that – filtered through our limited way of seeing things;

o and, by doing these things, we hope to glorify God, which is our chief aim.

It’s good to avoid certain subjects socially so we can simply focus on being present with people. And if we really need to process the issues, it’s good to go to someone who will lead us to relief; someone who will listen, validate what we feel, but not fuel the fire.

We do not have to have something to say on every issue.

When everyone is respected, no matter their opinion or the strength of their view, everyone is loved.

There is no one thing that you can say that will make your ex girlfriend come back to you. You have to understand that there are a few things that you will have to say and some words that you will have to put in action if you want to get your ex back. Here is what needs to be done.

“I was wrong”

The first thing that you have to say is to admit that you were wrong. This shows that you are willing to take ownership of your mistakes and are willing to make amends. Admitting that one is wrong takes guts and that is sure to make your ex feel a little better.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you”

Now, you need to make your ex girlfriend see how sorry you are for making the mistakes that you did. You need to tell her that you are sorry that you hurt her. But just saying sorry is never enough. You need to tell her how you feel you have hurt her and how pathetic you feel about doing what you did.

“I was lucky to have you”

Look like you are accepting the break up. Then tell her that you feel that you were truly lucky to have an amazing woman like her in your life. Tell her that your life is truly enriched because of her and it is only because of her that you are the man that you are.

Don’t make negative comments

The chances of your woman getting angry are quite high. At this time she might say stuff that might not hold good but don’t loose your cool and launch into a verbal battle again. Don’t try to tell her what mistakes she made.

Listen to what she has to say

Learn to listen to what she is actually meaning to say to you. She might be brutal in her criticism but you need to understand why she is actually saying what she is saying. Be able to decipher the hurt under her negativity and show her that you understand her.

Never use bad language

No matter how provoked you are you must never use bad language in front of your ex. Tell her instead that you have been truly happy with her. Instead of saying negative things and using bad language you should be very mature in the way you conduct yourself and probably say things like you had the best time of your life with her.

Make her feel wanted

Make your ex girlfriend feel wanted by saying things like you were the luckiest guy in the world as you were with her and that any guy who gets her will be as lucky. Tell her that she is special and is irreplaceable and she will eventually come back to you.

Getting people to do what you need them to do takes effort, skill and follow up.

In the last few weeks, I’ve shared a 4-step approach to dealing with difficult employee behavior to help managers and supervisors understand what employees need, and move through the steps to get the best results. I mentioned that the steps in the cycle can be entered at any point but all of them should be completed:

Steps:

• Giving and Receiving Effective Feedback
• Setting Boundaries?
• Difficult Conversations, 5 Step model
• Follow Up and Follow Through

It’s my most favorite step because I get to say… FU and everyone always laughs at that. Follow up and follow through is something that I’ve had to work very diligently at over the past five years to improve my own business. It’s a review, sometimes a reset or a rewind… the common prefix being ‘re’ which means ‘to go back to’.

Do you set rules, policies, procedures and then just hope and pray that they’re going to be followed? Or do you follow up with check points, or invite open feedback from your staff to discuss the effectiveness of the process? Which ever way you do it, FU… Following Up is even more important than setting up the boundaries and having the conversations to instil best behavior because we all get busy, old habits die hard and we need to re-member. Another ‘re’ word.

Also an important step when you’re delegating a task, or building relationships, or working on your sales, or getting a job, or staying with anything that’s important. The fortune is in the follow up because correcting new behaviours is something that requires time to form and tolerance to perfect.

I am just going to put it out there: I hate when people don’t say “No.” I understand that this may seem odd at first glance. Shouldn’t I prefer that people say “Yes”? Not exactly. What I prefer is for people to speak honestly and with integrity. Sometimes that means saying “no,” and that is a good thing.

In today’s world, it does not seem to matter who you are; politicians, business owners, customer service reps, teachers, parents, potential customers, hiring managers… nobody wants to say no. In fact, most people will go miles out of their way to skirt around having to say no. Society tells us that we are just being polite, but I contend that in fact it is extremely rude not to say no. Politicians lose their moral and ethical values trying to appease everyone. A business owner expects his employees to work extra hours because he can’t say no to a client’s unreasonable demand. A customer service rep wiggles around tough questions, frustrating the customer even more, but politely never saying no. A potential client continues to waste a sales person’s time because they don’t want to insult the sales person with a “no.” A job seeker eagerly awaits the promised, but never received, phone call about the job.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:37, to “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” We complicate our world and throw away our sincerity by not speaking clearly and with certainty. But let us not just glaze over the second part. Jesus teaches that it is evil, misleading, and untruthful to skirt around a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Our society is hurting today because no one knows who or what to trust. No one speaks clearly anymore. The result is a culture centered on self-preservation, fear, and uncertainty. With no one to trust, all we can do is protect ourselves, suspect everyone, and pray or hope for a better tomorrow.

A better tomorrow can’t begin until you and I are willing to be sincere and honest enough to say no. I am not talking about taking a stand by saying “no” to the direction our society is going or to some large political or cultural issue. I am literally talking about just saying “no” in everyday life. When a customer asks a question, or makes a request that you can’t fulfill, simply say no. When the salesperson calls for the 15th time, don’t say maybe later, say no; let him move on to greener pastures. Call the poor applicant who was expecting your call a week ago and tell him he did not get the job, after all, you promised you would. Is it better to break a promise or to say no? Is it more ethical to lead people on, or to say no? Is it better customer service to confuse customers through layers of policies, exceptions, and rules, or is it more effective to say no?

People are longing for strong leaders, sincere teachers, moral businesses, and honest answers to simple questions. People are longing for straight talk, and you can’t get any straighter than saying “no.” So next time you feel your stomach start to turn at the thought of having to say “no,” remember that no is not the problem; the problem is all the walls we put between our answer and the word no. People are normally not offended by a straight, honest answer. They are, however, always offended by being ignored, misled, lied to, or otherwise abused by all our polite tactics we use to avoid simply saying no.

Yes, it’s that time of year again, when businesses across the globe become more festive than ever-with holiday music piped throughout the buildings, dazzling decorations and of course a big party to celebrate the season.

At these parties, you’re sure to participate in conversation with your colleagues. What an opportunity this gives you to create bonds with newcomers, and to enrich longtime workplace partnerships!

You don’t want to can these conversations, of course, because they would come across as artificial and robotic. It’s helpful, though, to keep in mind some guidelines that will make the evening more pleasant for everybody you associate with-and prompt your teammates to remember you more favorably. So I suggest you consider these four tips for chit chat at your club’s annual party.

FIRST: Steer away from politics. Because many of us stay informed by watching the news, we get saturated with interviews and commentary about who the good guys and ladies are and likewise who are the bad ones. Most of us hope that when we go to our corporate party, we won’t be bombarded again with conversation about indictments, treason, accusations, lawsuits, resignations, firings, inappropriate comments, e-mail misuse and other distressing topics.

Not only are you and your colleagues weary of hearing political pundits who seem to get paid by the word, there’s another fact to consider: In most cases, talking about politics is not going to change anybody’s mind-either yours or theirs. What happens instead is that highly opinionated people will get frustrated, angry, and even hostile.

The recent funeral for President George H.W. Bush reminded me of his call for a “kinder, gentler nation.” Unfortunately, we’re not there yet. Too many zealots bristle when more moderate individuals question their judgment.

SECOND: Stay highly positive. This is not a time for gloom and doom. We get so much of that the rest of the year. For a couple of hours, all of us want to unwind and remain upbeat. Examples:

–We may be tempted to say, “Service at our table seems especially slow. That table over there is enjoying desserts, while our main course hasn’t even arrived.”

In place of that negative approach, you could comment: “Well, I noticed that other table got its dessert sooner than we got our food. But I commend those food service professionals-they have a big assignment serving so many meals at one time. Amazing how well they do!

–Again, we may be tempted to say, “Aren’t you shivering? Below freezing outside, and feels like that here, too”? Far better to stand and say, “I’m going to ask our host if he can adjust this thermostat. I think we’d more comfortable with a couple of more degrees of heat.”

Reminds me of one of the times my wife and I took a cruise. Every night we ate with the same two couples. One couple was jovial, upbeat, and positive. The other couple spent the entire dinner talking about all that had gone wrong that day. Guess which couple we remember fondly and would want to dine with again.

THIRD: For tip number three, be very careful about your jokes and off-the-cuff remarks. Headlines throughout the year have confirmed this new reality: language that might have been tolerated previously has become unacceptable, offensive and in extreme cases leads to highly undesirable publicity and even legal action.

Naturally, we can still compliment another party goer about how they look and how well they dance. Tastefully expressed compliments are welcomed. Good judgment tells us the language borders we shouldn’t cross.

FOURTH: My fourth tip is also very important for conversation. Long ago I read this advice somewhere: “When holding a conversation, be sure to let go of it once in a while.”

Think for a minute about the men and women you enjoy being with the most. Chances are strong that you will not name the gentlemen or lady who tells many long-winded stories that dominate the time with you. Quite the opposite… you’ll

have high esteem for the acquaintance who makes remarks like these:

“Very interesting… tell me more… then what happened?”

When you become the keenest listener at your club’s party, you can easily become the most memorable conversationalist.

In closing, I recommend putting these talking tips into action at your company’s holiday party. You’ll be glad you did, and so will everybody you associate with at the event.

Long ago, I learned that one of the most important things we can do when faced with a difficult situation is to “Say what you mean and mean what you say, but don’t be mean when you say it.” Diane Albano’s The Art of Being Nice: Own Your Voice for Greater Power and Fulfillment takes that kind of advice and elaborates upon all the places where things might go wrong as we walk the fine line between being nice and standing up for ourselves.

And Diane knows what it means to be too nice and let people walk all over you. In The Art of Being Nice’s pages, she shares stories from her own life about how she learned to find her voice. She has also interviewed numerous women and men who shared their stories with her. As she notes early on, “We all experienced the imprinted message of ‘being nice’ as children and the power, pitfalls, and impact it had upon us into adulthood. I’ve written this book for women and men who can identify with life patterns of compromising their truth, their God-given talent and abilities, and minimizing the power of owning their voices for greater freedom and fulfillment.” If you’ve ever felt like being nice has often brought you misery, this is the book you need to turn things around. You won’t become a meanie when you finish it, but you’ll learn how to say no and how to set boundaries in ways that make you happier and the other person, if not happier, wiser and knowing not to cross a line with you.

The book is divided into twenty chapters that will help you develop your art until you become a master at it. Topics include: Feeling Heard and Nurtured, Speaking Your Truth, Forgiving Yourself for Choices Made, Staying in Relationships Too Long, Taking Care of Yourself First, and Being Courageous and Free.

Throughout, aha moments will arise for readers. One happened when Diane described one of her own aha moments. She states, “One aha moment I had was that being nice was a way for me to be in control. All of a sudden, being nice was not as endearing a quality. I realized I would step up and take control to get things done when I felt others were failing to do their own jobs or be responsible. I would get annoyed and frustrated at the lack of others’ participation and take charge.” As a type-A personality, I’ve often found myself stuck in a situation where I felt I had to take charge. This book will help you realize your other options and show you ways to handle such situations with tact and grace so the burden doesn’t completely fall on you, and perhaps to realize you are overreacting and don’t need to take charge at all.

Diane also talks a lot about learning to listen to our intuition. She’s worked a lot with Mary Morrissey through the Life Mastery Institute. Mary says our intuition, the small voice within, is one of the six laws of the Universe. It’s our inner guidance system that we often ignore. How often have we been in situations, like the one above, where we heard that voice telling us not to do something-not to get involved in a situation that will make us miserable-only to ignore it because we felt we had to be nice? Often, we can avoid these difficult situations if we are just preemptive by listening to our intuition first. Diane will teach you how to nurture that awareness of your intuition.

Another one of my big aha moments in reading this book came when Diane asked, “Are you responsible for training people not to help you?” I admit I’ve been guilty of that. I equated being nice sometimes with not being a bother. And at the same time, I wanted people to think I was strong, not weak, so I wouldn’t always ask for help. Not asking for help is one of those things I’ve learned to let go of because it no longer serves me. Diane devotes a whole chapter to letting go of what doesn’t serve us, and another whole chapter to asking for help. Trust me; just tackling these two lessons will make your life so much easier.

The book’s chapters end with questions for reflection to help you work out your own issues with being nice and also strategies to work on so you can improve at taking care of yourself, setting boundaries, and pursuing what will make you happier.

Ultimately, readers of The Art of Being Nice, will come away with insight and tools to support them so they will have greater clarity, purpose, freedom, confidence, and courage. As Diane says, “Everyone deserves to be heard, to be respected, and to know they are more than enough.” And as Marianne Williamson is quoted in the book as saying, “And no one will listen to us until we listen to ourselves.” People who have greater freedom and happiness have learned to listen to themselves without judgment of themselves or others. When we listen to ourselves and are clear on who we are and what we want, we can make the best decisions for ourselves in a way that allows us to continue to be nice without being a doormat.