There is something of a paradox in love. Nuances are the deal. Love is both near-on impossible, yet too incredibly easy.

For some, in some situations, love is neither the desire nor do we have its agency. Love’s not so easy. Situations like these we feel controlled or we act out of a need to have control. Relationship in this way is about taking and demanding and not giving or letting go. No matter what we try to do, the person we want to love will not receive that love. Whatever we give doesn’t seem to be enough or even the right thing; it isn’t perceived as loving.

They perceive us as controlling and we perceive them as controlling, and never the twain shall meet.

Yet love in a different situation is a pure delight. There is no effort required, and no effort expended. It’s a flow downstream. One will give to another, even as the other is pouring love back. Love, as it can only do, gives and gives and gives. And the nature of love in the other person feels that love; they reciprocate in-kind.

Love doesn’t feel like control.

And yet at times there is an attempt to love that feels like control. Someone may be gently speaking truth into our life, but because that truth elicits pain, because the soul is exposed to an inconvenient or uncomfortable truth, such love feels like control. It doesn’t feel like we’re getting anything; if anything, our security is being taken away. There is a lack of trust that undermines this love. (Or the wisdom of protection, where ‘love’ is determined to be control, where the person is deemed unsafe.)

Trust is the foundation of being able to receive love.

The trust of wisdom is this: ‘this trusted person’s wisdom is loving and well-motivated.’

Love endeavours to speak truth and understands relationship trumps truth. And yet if we push that too far, relationship becomes untenable. Boundaries are disrespected and broken, and co-dependencies form. And control, demanding it and submitting to it, characterises the relationship.

Control is clearly an indicator that love has become a runaway train over the precipice into the abyss of hell.

At some point it has ceased to be love. And control is the person’s deception who cannot see their actions as implicitly attacking or withdrawing. The person who feels controlled can only ask, ‘Am I being controlling; are others responding to me as if they are feeling controlled?’ It’s the only way love can re-enter the relationship, for love is initially and always introspective; it asks, ‘what can I do to give or add?’ And not ‘what can I take or demand?’

If we feel controlled, what does the love in us do to respond?

How do we resist being controlled in a loving way? Of a sense, it requires us to take control, assertiveness if you will, and initially what we must do is stop responding; to stop reacting because we feel like we’re being controlled. This is easier said than done, for even in stopping our responding the other person probably feels controlled, because now they feel ignored. But when we do respond we can be kind and gracious.

We all have the capacity to love, but it is only when we face love, most commonly the love of God for us, that we draw on this capacity to love.

If we’re not behaving in a loving way, i.e. we’re not perceived as acting in a loving way, we need to stop and ask ourselves why; to work with the other person’s truth.

Likewise, we all have the capacity to control, which is the reverse of love. Whenever we are disconnected from love we will seek to control, because in love’s absence fear fills the void. This is because we are so truly geared to receive God’s love; we need it to survive.

If we don’t have God’s love for ourselves, we become every relationship’s worst enemy, because we’re acting only on our own behalf.

God’s love is a security affirming we are secure. With God’s love on our side we don’t need to fight our battles, as we allow Him to fight them for us.

We just love in faith, knowing that love is God’s will.

The difference between love and control is cavernous, even if it is full of enigmatic nuances. It’s like the divide between Lazarus and the rich man in Luke 16. Love and control are kingdoms apart. And yet I know, personally, just how subtle the drift is from an intent to love to behaviour that controls. I can feel it in my own heart within seconds – when fear enters, and insecurity presences itself in me against God’s will. Blessed ever am I to be aware of this as it happens.

When a relationship is going healthily it’s easy to love. But when there is a disagreement, the temptation to influence can easily morph into control.

Love keeps itself accountable to the truth.

So how might I conclude? The only thing we can do as far as love is concerned is to ask God, ‘what I can do to love better and more?’

Love is not something that I should expect if I’m not first seeking to initiate. Love starts with me. It ends with me.

For every controlling interaction I experience, love is required, for love is the only way to influence others toward love.

We could say, in relational terms, that love’s opposite is not fear or hate, but the behaviour of control. That control could be based from fear or hatred, but ultimately the opposite of love is control.

Some people just don’t do relationships. Why is it such a crime to be single and why is a person’s value judged by whether he or she has a significant other or not? Being single is just a choice – it doesn’t make you right or wrong, a success or a failure. You gotta choose what makes you happy.

Some people (and it might be most of us at the certain point of our lives) keep sacrificing themselves in relationships to “make the relationship work”, to “show they love the other person”, so they can receive the validation that “they are good lovers and they are loved”. Isn’t that the moment when the most of relationship problems begin?

What if most of the loving acts or attraction thinking we do are just based on judgments?

Some people decide who is attractive, based on what the media defines as attractive (other people’s judgments), what their family and friends tell them are desirable (other people’s judgments), but not what they truly like. No wonder people find the person they “thought” they initially fell in love with, gradually becoming not as desirable… because they never really seen that person for who he or she really is, in the first place!

Starting with a pragmatic definition of the word itself – “relationship”

• the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected or the state of being connected
• the state of being connected by blood or marriage
• the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other

are measured by how far the distance is between the two objects (or people) and there will always be a degree of separation.

It is intimacy we truly would like to have, not a mere relationship. What if a true intimacy is achieved only when all the barriers are down and there are no judgments in between? Just an acknowledgment of what the other person is good, bad and ugly… and magically unique when they are being themselves from their own Heart of the Hearts…

Certain places in the book are confusing and mind twisting in the first reading and for a right purpose. They make you stop and return in the text before you get that wonderful AHA moment and you’ll start chuckling under your breath while reading more…

Overall author Gary Douglas does get the point though, we cut off pieces of ourselves to make others happy and we don’t need to divorce ourselves especially in the most important relationship. The relationship, or rather communion with ourselves.

Use this book to bring joy and happiness back into your life while rediscovering you.

I recommend it to anyone who wants to live more conscious, joyful, happy life. Just read it and see, whether it will change your point of view on relationships or not.

One of the key theological patterns in the book of Acts, I find, is that of repentance preceding the receipt of the Spirit which precedes the revival of an individual’s soul.

Indeed, corporate revival relies on the same concept: repentance of the community that precedes the blessing of God’s Holy Spirit on that community which precedes a revival within the culture of the community. Revival relies on repentance.

But what is repentance other than taking responsibility? First and foremost, owning our personal sin.

In recent months I’ve come to learn much more about the patterns in abuse, as God continues to call and equip me to minister in that direction.

The hallmark difference between someone who could abuse versus someone who does abuse is the taking of responsibility. The perpetrator of the abuse avoids taking responsibility at every turn, and at every cost, and it is debatable whether they genuinely believe they cannot be responsible for abuse, or whether they intentionally subvert any accusations against them. The former is evidence of spiritual deception. The latter is evidence of sociopathy.

The well-rounded conscience receives negative feedback and weighs it for truth, even when it hurts, because negative feedback generally does hurt, and because negative feedback is generally meant well. But the damaged conscience, the seared conscience, has lost the capacity for introspection, or simply insists on not going there.

The simplest way of saying it is this: the most obvious indicator of an unsafe person is their incapacity for taking responsibility. If their default is to blame others for things they alone have control over, there is a big problem. If this attitude isn’t addressed, if there is no hope for repentance, it’s only a matter of time before they get themselves into trouble and others along with it.

Relationships fail for the lack of responsibility.

Unsafe people do not take responsibility.

Safe people, on the other hand, walk humbly with God, by being receptive to negative feedback.

I know there have been times when I’ve been weak, where I have been susceptible to resisting and at times refusing negative feedback, and it has always harmed me, others, and the relationships in view. Nothing good comes from one party or both refusing to take responsibility.

The key task of life is to discern well what we are responsible for, and to take that responsibility.

Taking responsibility is God’s decree for our lives, because relationship is the imperative of our lives.

Sometimes we can take too much responsibility, and provided we don’t ‘enable’ an unsafe person we’re in relationship with (who does not take their responsibility well), it generally doesn’t cause much harm, and it is generally very good for us, because God sees the humility in a person living for peace and blesses them for loving others.

But taking too much responsibility when the unsafe person cannot or will not take theirs just propagates the pattern of co-dependence and abuse. The pattern begs to be broken.

Repentance, we should know, is not a once-in-a-lifetime event. Neither is salvation, because there is a fruit attached. The sign we are saved in the Kingdom of God is the fruit we bear. There must be signs of ongoing repentance and fruitfulness.

There must be signs of an ongoing ability to respond well in our lives.

And the blessing we receive in taking responsibility is we take control of everything we can control, and we surrender control for everything that is beyond our control. And that is wisdom.

What sets those apart who take responsibility? The ability to be honest. Responsibility is the ability to respond appropriately to the truth.

It is impossible to be dogmatic as to what constitutes a romance language, because most languages take influences from a variety of different families of languages and opinion, therefore, differs as to how to distinguish between different languages, varieties and dialects. As a result, it cannot be said definitively how many of these languages are presently in existence; however, an arbitrary, restrictive account can state that the total is approximately 25. It is generally agreed that the most commonly spoken standardised romance languages include Catalan, Romanian, Italian, French, Portuguese and Spanish.

Although the label ‘romance languages’ derives from the Latin expression Romanice loqui, “to speak in Roman,” it suggests some sort of connection to love or passion. Indeed, the modern use of the term does in fact derive from this; in Western Europe’s medieval literature, serious writing would usually be composed in Latin, whereas more popular work, often centring on love, was written in the Roman vernacular and became known as “romances”.

In contrast, Germanic languages seem to be the main contradiction to this family of languages and are characteristically less musical and harsher on the ear. There are approximately 559 million native speakers of Germanic languages worldwide and the most commonly spoken examples of them are German and English. The English language is officially classed as a Germanic one, although it is also heavily influenced by the romance languages. Other Germanic languages include Dutch, Afrikaans, Swedish, Danish and Norwegian.

Because of the harsh nature of Germanic languages, it is often said that native speakers of these are more blunt and less sensitive and emotional and that native speakers of romance languages are naturally artistic and passionate. This arguably has an effect on the lifestyles of speakers of the varying languages, meaning that speakers of these languages experience fewer break-ups and divorces than speakers of unromantic languages.

Whether this is actually true can be determined by looking at the divorce rates of corresponding countries. Currently, the United States has the highest divorce rate in the world, at nearly 50%. Russians, speakers of a Slavic language, have the third highest divorce rate, followed by the United Kingdom, Denmark, New Zealand, Australia, Canada, Finland and Barbados, residents of all of which speak primarily Non-romance languages.

However, the world’s second highest divorce rate can be found in Puerto Rico, where natives speak a version of Spanish, one of the romance languages.

Although it seems that, in general, countries with non-romance languages have higher divorce rates than countries with romance languages; this is in no way indicative of a direct relationship between the nature of the language and the attitude of its speakers. It may, in fact, be simply explained by the fact that, with a global population of nearly seven million people and only 800 million speaking a romance language, non-romantic languages are much more widely spoken and there are, therefore, expected to be more divorces among these people than among speakers of romantic languages.

“The best relationship advice I can give you is make sure you’re the crazy one.”

If you think I wouldn’t be the first person you’d go to for relationship advice let me set one thing straight- you’re right. But, you are here for my relationship advice so that must mean that I’m not the first person that you’ve gone to. So I’m going to start with the number one rule in a relationship.

You don’t need them. You always, always, have to remember that you don’t need your significant other. You don’t need them to live, to survive, or to breathe. The emphasis in a relationship is that you want the other person in your life. You’ve chosen to spend your time, and put your heart into this other person because you want to.

You also have to remember that they don’t have a right to be in your life. They don’t own you, or anything about you, and they don’t deserve to be in your life for no reason-they’ve earned their spot. You’ve both earned your places. You’ve both had to have put an equal amount of time, love and care into the relationship you guys have in order for it to be a healthy one.

These things are so important because more often than not, when we’re in the middle of the feelings and the thrill of having someone to call “mine,” we forget that they aren’t our whole world. Our own bodies, hopes, and beliefs come first, and came first into this world. When you’re absolutely alone, and you feel like the world is working against you, the person who will always be there for you is yourself, and although your whole life should be full of the people who you love, always remember that your own self comes first.

This is coming from someone who’s never been in a relationship- but I have been single. And from being single, I know that you need to appreciate the people in your life, but you also need to grow to appreciate yourself. You need to be comfortable sitting in a coffee shop, alone, or be completely okay with saying “table for one please.” And while I have tips for that, that’s another story.

My final piece of advice is that if you need relationship advice, or you need to work out an issue, talk to the person it’s about. The best people that can give you relationship advice about your relationship are the people in the relationship. Talk about it, and work it out with each other.

But in the end, if that doesn’t work, my final piece of advice, or really my one only piece of advice, is put yourself first.

Programmes of Supplier Relationship Management (or SRM) are designed to create a closer working partnership with your critical and strategic suppliers. This should result in better value for both organisations. However, there are mixed views as to whether the benefits exceed the potential risks.

Arguments for SRM

– Eliminates waste and barriers to effective service. Contracts set out what has been agreed between the buyer and seller in terms of what will be delivered and for what price. In practice waste can be created due to inefficiencies in how the processes, systems and ways of working of the two sides come together. A SRM programme can identify these sources of waste and eliminate them, creating lower costs and improved service.

– Builds mutual dependency. If both sides value the benefits they get from the relationship created by your SRM programme then they acquire an expectation that the relationship will be long-lasting. This means that in times of scarcity, your organisation is unlikely to affected by any need for the supplier to ration their output.

– Encourages investment. If critical and strategic suppliers in your SRM programme see that it creates value for them and that the business relationship is likely to be a long one, then they are more likely to make investments that increase their capacity and capability to deliver what you need.

– Motivates suppliers to go the extra mile. Arms-length and adversarial supplier relationships in which every problem is seen to belong to the supplier create disillusionment and disinterest for them and result in a lack of motivation. SRM programmes create a shared responsibility and this fairness translates into motivated suppliers who go out of their way to help you.

Arguments against SRM

– Creates barriers to exit. Long-term relationships with key suppliers that build dependency (for example by investing in shared IT systems) can create a barrier to switching suppliers. The risk is that new entrants to the market are discouraged and you may miss out on innovation from other suppliers.

– Makes it difficult to test the market. It is economically healthy to test your current prices and sourcing solutions from time to time against alternatives. If your SRM programme has, in effect, created a bespoke solution then you may not be able to find a comparable alternative to test whether you are still getting value for money.

– Can result in complacency. A long-term relationship with key suppliers can result in both sides becoming over familiar with each other. The result of this can be an acceptance of the status quo ways of working with new ideas drying up.

– Need to select the right supplier first time round. Obviously, if you are going to enter into a long term relationship with a supplier and implement SRM it is vitally important that you make this selection on the right criteria as it will become increasingly difficult to swap suppliers if a better one emerges later. Treat choosing SRM suppliers as if you were going to marry them. Easy to do but with dire consequences later on if the choice was wrong!

We all go through a lot of experiences during our lives. If you want to feel happier, healthier and more satisfied, you need to develop positive relationships with your loved ones. So, if you are struggling with this effort, we have given a few tips in this article that may help you achieve your goal.

Don’t worry about the differences

Since we are all different, we should accept the differences that we may have with those we love. There are many ways to perceive the world. If we learn to accept each other’s differences, we can create a rapport more easily. In other words, you can feel more comfortable if you make an impression on the other person that they are being understood. So, you should accept the fact that everyone is different.

Listen carefully

If you want to boost your loved one’s self-esteem, you must listen to them. In fact, it’s a type of flattery that can help you develop a rapport with just anyone. If you listen and understand what someone wants to convey, you can interact in a better way.

Spend time with them

You should spend time with them. In fact, giving time to others is a wonderful gift. Today, time is really important, and we find it hard to give time to those who are important in our lives. Technology has become a type of hurdle in our way to develop rapport. Often, we find ourselves multi-tasking, which is not good.

Work on your communication skills

How do you communicate? Communication happens when others understand you. Speaking is not communication. You need to make sure that the listener understands the message you want to convey.

Use your smartphone wisely

Today, almost everyone owns a cell phone. In fact, most people have multiple handsets. Although smartphones help save lives through effective communication, you may not want to overuse them, as they can become a distraction as well.

When you are talking to someone about an important issues, don’t use your phone unless you have to take an important call.

Exchange Feedback

As far as developing positive relationships is concerned, feedback plays a great role. As a matter of fact, feedback is what lets you know if you have made any progress. It’s good to exchange feedback. If you want others to get better, make sure you give them constructive feedback.

Establish Trust

In any relationship, the importance of trust can’t be denied. If the other person doesn’t trust you, don’t think that you can take that relationship to the next level. Establishing trust is important in every field of life.

Work on Empathy

It’s important for you to keep in mind that people will forget your hateful words but they will never forget what they went through because of you. So, it’s important that you develop empathy as well.

If you develop empathy, you will be able to understand people better. In fact, it requires you to relate to the feelings of your loved ones.

So, if you want to develop a stronger relationship with someone, make sure you try out these tips.

It could be said that although rejection is part of life, there are some people who experience it more than others. Now, at times this will be due to how someone lives their life.

For example, let's say that someone is an entrepreneur, who is constantly putting their ideas in front of different people. Someone like this will end up taking more risks (calculated risks), meaning that they are not going to have the same degree of acceptance that they might have if they had a normal job.

Dating

Alternatively, someone could be at the point in their life where they are looking for someone to have a relationship with. One could then be going out on a regular basis in order to meet their match.

If one is a man who is approaching different women, as opposed to a woman who might just be able to wait for a man to come to her, for instance, he is naturally going to experience a fair amount of rejection. But, in cases like this, the rejection that they experience is simply a means to an end.

A Big Difference

This is naturally different to someone who doesn't just experience rejection from time to time but who, more or less, always experiences rejection. Along with what happens externally, they might also have the tendency to feel rejected for no apparent reason.

Thus, it won't matter what is taking place externally, as it is not going to stop them from feeling as though they are not accepted and that they are worthless. It is then not a feeling comes and goes; it is something that has taken root in their being.

Unaware

However, even though this will be a feeling that has become a big part of their life, it doesn't mean that one will realize this. Consequently, it might seem as though they only experience life in this way due to what is taking place externally.

And, as a result of what is taking place within them, they will also feel rejected even when they haven't been rejected. It will be as if they are wearing special glasses, with these glasses defining how they interpret other people's behavior.

A Common Occurrence

If someone like this is in a relationship, they may find that their partner doesn't treat them very well. Yet, instead of doing something about it or ending the relationship, they choose to put up with what is taking place.

They might struggle to remember when they last felt accepted and appreciated by this person, which might show how dysfunctional their relationship is. If they were to look back on their life, they may find that their past relationships were no different.

Another Scenario

Alternatively, someone like this could still be mulling over their last relationship, even though it ended many months ago and wasn't functional. Doing this could cause them to feel rejected and as though they have no value.

Ergo, even though it won't have been a fulfilling relationship, they are still going to be craving the person who treated them badly. Along with this, they could have moments when they wonder what it would be like to be with someone who is different.

It Does Feel Right

Still, if they were to meet someone who is different and this ended up going further, there is a strong chance that they would soon lose interest. This person is not going to treat them in a way that will support how they feel on the inside.

It then won't matter if they wanted to be with someone who accepted them before the relationship began, as this won't be what a bigger part of them wanted. This part of them will only feel comfortable if they are with someone who validates how they feel in the inside.

Two Parts

Consciously, then, it could be said that one will want to feel accepted and to be accepted by others, but, unconsciously, this is not something that feels safe. As feeling rejected is what feels safe at a deeper level, it will be as though feeling this way is part of who they are.

Ultimately, their ego can form an identity around anything; it doesn't matter if it is empowering or disempowering. The only thing that matters is that it is familiar, with what is familiar being what is safe.

Death

Therefore, if one was to let go of this feeling and no longer felt rejected all the time, it would be as though they had lost themselves. They will only know who they are when they feel rejected, so to no longer feel this way would be experienced as a loss.

At one point in their life, their ego mind would have come to associate feeling rejected as what felt safe. And, as the days and weeks went by, feeling this way would have gradually become part of their identity.

Way Back

What this can show is that their early years were a time when they were abused and / or neglected. Being treated this way would have caused them to experience a lot of pain, but there wouldn't have been anything that they could do about it.

Experiencing all this pain and being treated badly wouldn't have been good for them, yet it would have ended up being what felt comfortable. Being treated differently, even if it meant being treated with love, would have been seen as a threat to their survival.

Awareness

If someone takes all this into account, it will allow them to understand why they are hooked on feeling bad. Their behavior may have been seen as irrational before, but now it will make more sense.
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If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

As the world of business becomes more complex, a small-business owner can no longer be an expert in all of the specialized disciplines a small business needs. Despite the fact that small-business owners must necessarily focus on producing and managing enough cash flow and on getting customers in the door, it is also critically important for them to cultivate and nurture relationships with a support team. This group includes:

Employees

A banker

An accountant/tax specialist

A lawyer

An insurance broker

A sales and marketing professional

Employees

Although thinking in terms of a “relationship” with employees might seem a little odd for a business owner, that relationship could be the most important of all of the relationships for the owner to cultivate. Because good employees represent a major resource in a small business, the time and effort the owner invests in nurturing that relationship has a huge return on investment. Employees who feel seen, respected and appreciated almost always produce more than anticipated.

Employees represent – in fact they are – the company to the customers. The business relationship with customers largely depends upon their experience and interaction with the employees. Happy employees tend to want to satisfy the customers, want to do a good job and want to stay in the job. This is important to the continuity of high-quality customer service and avoids the significant expense of employee turnover, employee retraining and the expensive but inevitable “rookie mistakes” of new, inexperienced employees. In addition, having trusted, long-term employees can free up the owner to handle off-site duties as needed. Establishing a retirement plan can benefit you and your employees.

A Banker

A banking relationship is an obvious need, not only for routine business banking, but particularly when capital is needed to grow, increase inventory, buy a building, bridge a short-term gap between payable and receivables or to address the seasonality of the cash flow in the business. The banker that an owner goes to for a loan should know the business owner, understand the history of the business and have an understanding of the owner’s judgment and credibility regarding the use and payback prospects for a loan. If the long-term relationship is there, or it is at least in the process of being built, the loan request has a much better chance of being approved. If the business has borrowed and repaid loans in the past, the established track record and relationship greatly enhance the approval prospects. (Loan protection insurance can help in the event of financial difficulty.

Accountant or Tax Specialist

A relationship with an accountant is equally important if the business owner is to be confident in the quality, clarity, timeliness and understanding of the financial reporting provided. A relationship with an accountant can also enhance the business’s credibility with a banker when the business is seeking additional capital.

Many small businesses combine the accountant and tax-specialist functions in one outside entity for convenience, time-saving and cost reasons. This is fine if the accountant has the requisite tax experience for the industry and the tax expertise for the specific business it serves.

Lawyer

Every business owner should have a relationship with a business lawyer, liability attorney or legal firm. When an owner invests money and effort in building a business, it must be safeguarded from loss as a result of a lawsuit.

Insurance Broker

As part of business risk management, the business also should have a relationship with and the trusted advice of an insurance broker who will provide the optimal coverage in the relevant areas within the constraints of the business budget.

Marketing Professional

Depending on the owner’s sales and marketing expertise, a relationship with a marketing professional is highly advised. Most small businesses start with an entrepreneur who has a specific technical skill, a trade certification or has built up a following of customers for good work done.

Naturally, someone’s life is going to be far more fulfilling if the people in their life are able to respect their boundaries. Having friends, family members and even a partner who can do this is going to make it easier for them to express themselves.

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When this takes place, these people will probably realise that one, along with every other human being on the planet, is not an extension of them. It is then not going to be right for them to tell one how they should live their life or what they should be doing in each moment of it.

Freedom

Due to how these people come across, one will know that it is safe for them to be themselves. This will stop them from needing to have their guard up and having to put on an act.

And, if they need their advice or guidance, they will know that they will be able to reach out without needing to worry about being walked over. These people will then offer their advice, but they won’t end up trying to take over.

One Area

If one is in an intimate relationship with someone who is not controlling, they won’t have lost their ability to act like an individual. Said another way, there will be what one chooses to do with their partner and there will be what they choose to do by themselves.

This will stop them from losing touch with their own needs and feelings, allowing them to express their true-self. One is going realise that the same will apply to their partner, accepting that they are also an ivnoddual who has their own needs and feelings to take care of.

Two Adults

One of them is not going to treat the other as though they are an incapable child who needs to be saved. What this will show is that both of them are able to see where they begin and end and where the other person begins and ends.

At the same time, there could be moments when one of them regresses and is unable to realise that the other is not their parent, but this won’t be the norm. If it was, it would most likely end up having a negative effect on their relationship.

Looking Back

Someone like this could look back on their life and find that they haven’t been with anyone who is controlling. Or if they have, it may have been a relationship that soon came to an end.

This will show that, regardless of how much they liked the other person; they were not willing to tolerate this type of behaviour. Then again, they may have been with a number of people who really overstepped the mark.

A New Beginning

Even so, they will have been able to put these experiences behind them and to finally be with someone who has boundaries. Perhaps they worked with a therapist for a little while, in order to change this area of their life.

If so, the work that they put into this area of their will have paid off in a big way. They will have been able to grow by working with a therapist and now, they will be able to grow by being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t inhibit them.

A Different Reality

But, while there will be people in the world who are not with people who try to control them, this is not going to apply to everyone. For a lot of people in the world, being with someone who is not controlling will be nothing more than a pipe dream.

When someone is in this position, they may currently be in a relationship with someone who is controlling. Alternatively, they may have recently finished with someone like this, with this being a time when they are doing what they can to build themselves back up.

A Pattern

Either way, if they were to look back on their life, they may find that they have been with a number of people who are like this. They are then going to have a strong need to be with someone who doesn’t try to control them, yet this is something that doesn’t take place.

If they are currently with someone who is controlling, they may find that they are used to feeling angry, frustrated and even powerless, and they may spend a fair amount of time complaining about their partner to their friends and family.

Two Levels

It will be clear that one doesn’t want to be with someone like this; this will be the last thing that they want. It would then be accurate to say that one just happened to end up with someone like this, along with every other controlling person who they have been with.

At a deeper level, however, there is the chance that one is emotionally attached to feeling controlled and dominated by others. Consciously, this will cause them to experience pain but, unconsciously, this can be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe.

Identification

As this is what feels comfortable at a deeper level, not feeling this way would cause them to feel uncomfortable. Putting an end to these feelings and the controlling behaviour that they experience is going to be in their best interest, but their unconscious mind would see it as a threat to their survival.

What this comes down to is that this part of them can form an attachment to, and an identity around, positive or negative feelings. When this is understood, one will be able to see why they are experiencing life in this way; when this isn’t, they will most likely feel like a victim

Awareness

During their early years, they may have had at least one controlling caregiver, and this would have played a big part in why being controlled feels comfortable at a deeper level. What they resisted at this stage of their life will be what they are unconsciously drawn to as an adult.

Fortunately, with this understanding in place, one will be able to realise that they can put an end to what is taking place. To change what is taking place at a deeper level, they may need to work with a therapist or a healer.