It is not uncommon for a woman to complain about how she keeps ending up with men who are emotionally unavailable, and it would be easy to say that a woman like this is incredibly unlucky. Time after time, she ends up experiencing the same outcome – it can then seem as though men need to get it together.

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Yet, to place the onus on men in general and to overlook the part that the woman is playing in particular would be to say that this woman has no effect on this area of her life. This area of her life is then going to be completely out of her control.

Two Parts

Ultimately, whenever two people are drawn together, there is always what is going on for one person and what is going on for the other. Still, unless both people are aware of what part they have played in being drawn to the other (or at the very least willing to look into why this is), it will be normal for them to feel powerless or taken advantage of.

If a woman can see that she continually attracts a certain type of man, this will give her the ability to see that it is not just a case of being unlucky. Likewise, if she was to continually hit the bullseye of a target or to get one promotion after another, she probably wouldn’t say that she is just lucky.

An Easy Decision

If, after attracting one man after another who is the same, she is ready to look into why this is, it will allow her to gradually transform her life. It won’t be easy to do this, though; the easy option will be to continue to feel like a victim.

Through going within and seeing how she feels at a deeper level, she may find that she has some emotional wounds to deal with. These are most likely the result of what took place during her early years.

The Other Side

When it comes to a man who is emotionally unavailable, there could be a number of reasons as to why this is. For one thing, he may have just broken up with his ex and still be emotionally attached to her.

Alternatively, it could show that the man just doesn’t feel the need to take things further with the woman. Therefore, if he was to meet a woman who is different, he might be only too happy to take things further.

It’s Not an Option

Then again, the man may be this way due to what took place during the beginning of his life, meaning that it won’t simply be due to what happened with an ex. The only thing that the man will be able to offer will be his mind and his body, with this heart being offline.

If a woman was to expect anything more from the man, it would cause her to suffer unnecessarily. Deep down, this man could be carrying a lot of pain, pain that will have caused his heart to close up.

A False-Self

But, while he can be carrying a lot of emotional baggage, it doesn’t mean that this will be clear to see. There is the chance that the man will have developed a strong exterior, allowing him to come across as confident, capable and as though he has it all together.

The image that they present to the world will then belie what is really taking place within them. Nonetheless, the mask that he wears will stop him from being able to emotionally connect to other human beings.

Two Needs

Consequently, this will leave him with the need to share his body and to fulfil his minds needs. There can also be the need to gain approval from others and to be seen in a certain way.

What this will illustrate is that a big part of him is going to be focused on what he can get from others, not on what he can give. Behind the image that he presents to the world, could be someone who feels more like a boy than a man.

Not Ready

If this is the case, he is not going to be looking for a woman to be with; what he will be looking for is a mother. By feeling like a boy deep down and needing a mother, it is not going to be possible for him to see a woman as a human being.

In addition to seeing women as mother figures, he may also have the tendency to see men as father figures. The wounded boy that is within him can be looking for the nurturance that he didn’t get from his own mother and the support and guidance that he didn’t get from his own father.

Awareness

In order for him to no longer feel like a boy and to be able to relate differently to women, it will be vital for him to work through the emotional wounds that are within him. This will allow him to gradually reveal his true-self and to fully show up.

If a man can relate to this, and wants to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Torvald Helmer, one of the main characters of the play, is somewhat “righteous.” He prides himself for earning a comfortable living for himself and his family, and for earning a high status in society, all through honest, hard work. His wife, Nora, is a moral woman, so much so that in the opening of the play, she had this childlike innocence and naivety. Her worst lie could easily have been sneaking macaroons to eat, disobeying her husband’s rules against sweets.

It is emphasized that a parent is obligated to lead a moral life to set an exemplar lifestyle for their children. Throughout their marriage, Nora and Torvald have tried to ensure to nurture their three children that type of environment. With the way they uphold their moral beliefs, it seemed that they have accomplished their parental responsibility quite well. It remained so until, Nora revealed that at the time of her father was on his deathbed, Torvald fell ill. She was forced to borrow enough money to travel south to Italy, where Torvald could nurse back his health. She committed two crimes–first, she borrowed money without her husband’s consent, and second, she had forged a signature. The second crime she was guilty of mirrored Krogstad’s, and she was likely to follow his fate. Krogstad became a moral outcast in society for his felony, and lost his career as a lawyer along with his credibility. He was left nothing but a tainted name.

To justify Krogstad’s dismissal at the bank, Torvald revealed to his wife the aversion he had with a corrupt man like Krogstad. Torvald explained how Krogstad passes his immorality to his children, “…Because an atmosphere like that infects and poisons the whole life of a home…And for years this fellow Krogstad has been going home and poisoning his own children with lies and deceit.”

Nora believed that she, too, would bring similar corruption to her children, bringing destruction to her entire home. Nora’s innocence and morality shone when she was willing to sacrifice her life or leave her home just so that her husband will not suffer the consequences of her crime, and also, in order to sustain her children’s purity. However, Torvald was blind from rage and from his sensitive concern for what society thought, therefore, he forbade her from raising their children; he could not trust them under the care of a “shiftless woman.”

In a parallel situation, Dr. Rank has fallen ill and it worsens by the minute, a disease is ravaging through his body. In the days of his prime, Dr. Rank’s father had enjoyed his many mistresses, now Rank has taken the punishment. Dr. Rank considered it an injustice to “pay for some one else’s sins. Yes, indeed, the whole thing’s a joke! My poor innocent spine must pay for my father’s amusements.” The disease he has, consumption of the spine (syphilis), is an enduring symbol of his father’s depravity and indulgence. Rank possessed the physical representation of his father’s lifestyle–it is what he had inherited.

As we see in Nora’s and Dr. Rank instances, parents can easily pass on their corruption to their children. Nora’s case, however, is a mere abstract notion that Torvald manipulated her to think. Nonetheless, a parent must remain moral for the proper upbringing of their child.

In the same way that it is easy for someone not embrace each day of the week due to being completely absorbed in what will happen at the weekend, it is also just as easy for them to ignore the people in their life due to being completely absorbed in their Smartphone. In each of these cases, the present moment won’t be fully embraced.

A Smartphone could be seen as the ideal piece of technology for the mind, since it gives the mind a way to leave the present moment. The mind needs something to do and it doesn’t have anything to do in the now.

The Problem

But, while someone’s mind will be happy to be totally absorbed in this piece of technology, it doesn’t mean that the people they spend time with will be equally happy with this. Then again, if these people are also glued to their device, it might not bother them that much.

Most of their time will be spent somewhere else, even though their physical body will be right in front of them. There is a term that comes to mind here, and this is ‘together alone’, whereby two people are together but they are still alone.

In The Same Boat

When two people behave in this way, there may be moments when they get annoyed that the other is not present but this could soon pass. Before long, what is taking place on a screen will be far more important.

The person who is right in front of them will be more like a distraction than someone who is an important part of their life. So, as long as the other doesn’t want too much of their attention, everything should be fine.

Being Seen

When someone spends a lot of time on a Smartphone when they are around others, it can also be a way for them to hide. And if they don’t feel comfortable with being seen, they will feel comfortable around people who behave in the same way.

The other person will be too busy looking at a screen to really see them, and this could stop them from feeling unconformable. Deep down they will want to be seen, but the baggage that is within them will have caused them to also have the opposite need.

Conflict

Ultimately, they are an interdependent human being, and this is why they need human contact. Thus, when this doesn’t take place, it is going to have a negative effect on their wellbeing.

Yet, when someone is carrying a lot of shame, for instance, and doesn’t want to be around people who actually show up, it is going to stop them from being able to fulfil this need. The need to hide will be stronger than the need to be seen.

Pushed Aside

If someone is consumed by their device and the person they are with doesn’t spend as much time on it, it is bound to have a negative effect on them as time goes by. In the beginning, this could be something that they could brush off and simply tolerate.

They might end up asking them to not use their Smartphone as much, with the hope that they will see how destructive it is for them to behave in this manner. They might not get the message, though, and continue to behave in this way.

One Direction

If these two people are in an intimate relationship, the emotional connection that they have might start to disappear. The person who spends a lot of time on their device will have already been directing a lot of their energy towards their phone (this might even be their primary relationship), and now the other person will start to pull their energy back.

From the outside, it might seem as though their relationship hasn’t changed, and this could be because they still live together. This will be nothing more than an illusion, as the bond that existed between them will have stated to erode.

Another Example

A friendship between two people can end up going down the same path, too. Here, someone might not spend us much time in the other’s company, but the time that they do spend with them is unlikely to be very fulfilling.

So, unlike the person who is in a relationship with someone like this, they won’t spend as much time in the presence. Or, as this person will rarely be present, it would be more accurate to say they won’t see them as much.

The Consequences

But, regardless of what the context is, there are certain things that are likely to occur when someone is unable to put their device to one side and to be present. The person they are with can end up feeling ignored, disrespected, and as though they are not valued.

These emotions are going to be like kryptonite to the emotional connection that they have. What this emphasises is that it is not enough for someone to be in another person’s company; their whole presence needs to be there.

One Outcome

This is then similar to how it is not enough for a parent to be in close proximity to their child in order for their child to feel seen – they need to be fully present with them. A child can be neglected without being physically abandoned; this can take place by having a parent who is physically present but emotionally unavailable.

Awareness

Speaking up about what is going on might be the best approach to take; but someone might find it easier to look towards another person to fulfil their needs if they are in a relationship. Taking the second option can end up creating another problem, while not solving the first.

If someone realises that they spend too much time on their device when they are around others, they can start to put their phone away around others – doing this will make it easier for them to truly show up. This something that is likely to have a positive effect on all of their relationships.

There are a number of things that can cause someone to experience incredible pain, and a breakup is one of those things. When someone experiences a break up, it can feel as though their whole has come to end.

It won’t matter if they had been with the other person for matter of months or years, as the pain can wipe them out. One can then have gone from feeling on top of the world, to feeling as though they are at the bottom of the world.

Knocked Down

However, even if they didn’t feel this way, how they now feel is still likely to be radically different. One could then have a physically strong body, a body that is covered in muscle, but it won’t have an effect on how they feel.

On the outside, then, they will look strong, yet they will feel incredibly weak on the inside. If they don’t have a body like this, they can still feel far weaker than they actually look.

A Loss of Control

Before this point in time, they may have been fairly balanced, and they may have also found it fairly easy to handle their emotions when this wasn’t the case. Now, their emotions will be out of control, and it could be more or less impossible for them to settle their emotions down.

In fact, it could feel as though they are now all at sea and there is very little that they can do about it. One of their greatest needs can then be to do whatever they can to regain control over their inner world.

One Option

What one could end up doing, in order to experience support, is to reach out to their friends. It will then be perfectly clear that they are not going to have the need to hide how they feel; they will comfortable with being vulnerable.

The strength that they are currently lacking internally will be provided by the people in their life. In the same way that scaffolding will hold up an unstable building; these people will hold up their unstable inner world.

Two Ways

As these people are able to be there for them in this way, it will most likely to show that these people also have a good relationship with their own emotions. They are then not going to be emotionally disconnected or believe that there is anything wrong with being emotionally vulnerable.

Instinctively, they may also realise that no one is their own island, and that there will be moments in everyone’s life when they need emotional support. Thus, if they were not in a good way, they would also reach out to others in the same way.

The Healthy Approach

When one is not in a good way and they reach out to others, it is going to stop them from disconnecting from how they feel. This will enable them to work through the pain that they are in.

This might take a few months or it could take even longer, yet the main thing is that they will allow this process to unfold. After a while, they will most likely gradually start to settle down, which will give them the chance to find someone else.

Another Outcome

Alternatively, one could end up using their mind to disconnect from how they feel, and this is likely to mean that they will rarely come into contact with their pain. And, even when this pain does come into their conscious awareness, they will soon do what they can to push it back down again into their body.

This may mean that there isn’t anyone in their life who they can open up to, or it could just show that they don’t feel comfortable reaching out to others. Either way, this pain is going to stay trapped within them.

A Divided Being

What this will do is allow them to settle down without having to work through their emotional pain. The downside with this approach is that it will no longer be possible for them to function as a whole human being.

Not only will they lose touch with their ‘bad’ feelings, they will also lose touch with their ‘good’ feelings. They can then come across as someone who is very flat, and they might even come across as cold.

False Highs

Through being out of touch with the very things that allow then to feel alive, they can end up being drawn to things that will artificially bring life into them. This may mean that they will end up being drawn to alcohol, drugs, have endless casual encounters and/or they may constantly go abroad.

The down side is that the momentary feeling of aliveness that they get by engaging in such things will probably make it even harder for them to handle their normal state. It is then easy to see why they might become addicted to these things.

Awareness

If someone like this was to get in touch with their pain, they may find that they feel too ashamed to reach out to others. Keeping this pain to themselves by disconnecting from it, will then have been a way for them to safe face.

Taking this into account, it will be essential for one to accept that there is nothing wrong with reaching out for support. And even if another person does try to shame them, it would simply show that this person has their own wounds to resolve.

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Although some men will have certain standards when they are in a relationship, there are going to be others who don’t. As a result of this, not every man is going to have same experience when they are with a woman.

When it comes to the former, a man like this is not going to get carried away, allowing him to be true to himself. So, no matter how strongly he is attracted to the woman, this is not going to cause him to put up with bad behaviour.

A Different Story

This is not going to be the case when it seems to the latter, though; a man like this is going to end up ignoring himself. Consequently, the attraction that he feels for the woman will cause him to overlook any bad behaviour that arises.

The woman he is with will then have free rein to do practically anything she wants and the man will simply tolerate it. One way of looking at it would be to say that he will basically be a doormat.

A Destructive path

Not only will this make it hard for the man to respect himself, it will also make it hard for the woman to respect him. She will know that he will rarely, if ever, push back, seeing him as someone who lacks backbone.

This is then likely to be a relationship that won’t last for very long and if it does, it is not going to be a very fulfilling relationship for either of them. If it does last, it will probably show that both of them have their own issues.

Two Experiences

From the outside, it may seem as though the woman enjoys treating the man badly and the man enjoys being treated badly by the woman. One of them is then sadistic and the other is masochistic.

The average person, after looking at this dynamic, could wonder why these two people don’t just cut their ties and put an end up their unhealthy relationship. However, even though it is unhealthy, it is serving both of them.

A Different Outcome

Alternatively, a woman could end up with a man like this and end up walking away as soon as it becomes clear that he is unable to stand his ground. After a certain period of time, his behaviour would have caused her attraction to him to disappear.

But, while this would have stopped the man from being with someone who treated him like dirt, it doesn’t mean that he will be pleased with what has taken place. Instead, he can end up being negatively affected by it.

Self-Harm

What is relatively clear is that a man doesn’t value himself if he puts up with bad behaviour in a relationship. If he did, he would have clear idea about what he will accept and what he won’t accept.

Through being this way, it may have meant that he didn’t take the time to get to know the woman in the beginning. The fact that this woman was attracted to him may have been enough.

A Big Factor

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Perhaps the woman he is with is fairly attractive, with this being something that pulled him in from the outset. Her appearance would then have consumed him and defined the view that he formed of her.

Being with a woman like this would have made him feel good about himself and it would have been seen as something that made him look good in the eyes of others. In other words, this would allow him to receive a fair amount of approval.

The Priority

In addition to the fact that he doesn’t value himself, there is the chance that he has a strong fear of being rejected and/or abandoned. Thus, once he has got emotionally attached to a woman, the last thing he will want is for her to leave him.

If this was to take place, it would trigger a strong feeling of being rejected and/or abandoned. In a way, it will be as though this woman serves a similar function to that of a cork in a bottle; her presence will help to keep his pain at bay.

A Small Price To pay

Being treated badly, and even humiliated from time to time, will be bad, but it won’t be as bad as how it would be if she was to leave him. So, if she was to walk away, he would have to come into contact with all the pain that is within him.

This could result in him hitting rock bottom, and he may even end up feeling suicidal, which will be the last thing that he wants to experience. With this in mind, regardless of if a man like this is in a relationship or not, his inner world will need to change in order for him to change his behaviour.

When the past is Present

If a man like this was to reflect on what took place during the beginning of his life, he may find that this was a time when he was neglected. This would have caused him to experience a lot of pain and it would have set him up to believe that he was worthless.

Also, he may have had a least one caregiver who treated him as if he had no value. The view that this person had, as well as others, would then have been internalised and formed part of his view of himself.

Awareness

For him to change his behaviour, it will be necessary for him to gradually detach from the view that he has of himself and to embrace his inherent worth. Dealing with the trauma that is within him will be a big part of this.

If a man can relate to any of this, and he wants to change his behaviour, he may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Today I want to talk about connection. It’s something we all want more of and something that in today’s culture, many of us are lacking. We lack real connection with friends, family members and even the people who are closest to us: our partners.

Our society doesn’t set us up for making connection a priority. Sure there are phones, text messaging and social media, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about heart to heart connection that can only happen when the phones are put down and we can slow down enough to really take one another in.

If you have children, it only gets more challenging to create the space to connect. But what happens when we don’t make connection a priority?

Our relationships are like plants that need proper nurturing to grow and without tending they whither and eventually die.

Recently I’ve been struggling with connection. My husband and I are the parents to an amazing (and rambunctious) two year old boy. I have a coaching business and also teach at a university. My husband has his own demanding job. Sometimes it can feel as if we are simply tag-team parenting and passing like ships in the night.

What we’ve realized is that we need to make more time to slow down and connect– even if it means that the blog post doesn’t get written or the house doesn’t get cleaned. It’s important to let go of perfection and make time to water the relationship.

Watering your relationship doesn’t have to look like going out to a fancy dinner and a Broadway show (although it can). It can also be about taking ten minutes at the end of a busy day to sit down next to each other, check-in and have a few minutes of heart connection. It’s can be about taking the extra ten seconds to hug and kiss your partner good-bye, rather than rushing out the door and yelling, “Love ya bye!”

When we make space for connection with our partners, everything gets easier. The connection lightens our load and helps us to remember that we’re not doing it all alone. It helps us to reconnect with what made us fall in love with this person in the beginning. And it brings more of a lightness to the routine of every day life. It helps us connect to gratitude and when we are grateful for what we have, we see the world in an entirely different way.

What’s one action you can take this week to slow down and connect with a partner or friend? Notice how it shifts your perception and makes you feel more full inside.

What one may find is that they are able to feel good themselves, even if they are not in a relationship. It will then be clear that they are not going to be dependent on anyone else in order to experience positive feelings.
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Being this way is most likely going to stop them from starting a relationship with someone just because they feel down. It could be relatively easy for them to wait until they meet someone who they actually want to be with.

A Different Need

Therefore, if they do end up with someone, it will show that they actually want to share their life with them. Not only will there be an attraction between them, there will be the values ​​that they have in common.

This person is then going to add something to their life, just as one will add something to the other person's life. Nonetheless, what is exchanged between them won't be something that they should be providing to themselves.

The Big Difference

Ultimately, one will be behaving like an interdependent human being, as opposed to a dependent human being. There will be what they can give to themselves and there will be what they can't.

Receiving positive feedback from their partner will naturally have a nourishing effect on them. What will be different here is that the fire that is burning within them won't go out if this person was to disappear.

An Analogy

One way to understand this would be to imagine that one had a dog before they met this person, they will have a dog when they are with them, and they will have a dog if it comes to an end. This dog will be treated differently throughout these different stages, but it will still be there.

Their self-worth could take a slight dip if their relationship was to come to an end, but it might not be long until it rises up once again. They are then not going to end up hating themselves at this point.

A Balanced Human Being

In a way, their level of self-worth will serve a as safety net that will stop them from hitting rock bottom if their relationship comes to an end. They will be far more resilient than they would be otherwise.

It may have taken them a number of years to get to this point in their own development. For most of their life, they may have been reliant on someone else; lacking the ability to experience positive feelings.

A Different Scenario

If, on the other hand, one finds that they are unable to feel good about themselves unless they are in a relationship, it is likely to show that they are emotionally dependent on other people when it comes to experiencing positive feelings.

Now, someone like this could end up with just about anyone, or they might be far more selective. Either way, they are bound to end up putting a fair amount of pressure on another person to make them feel good.

Needy

Without realizing it, one can view the other person as a parental figure. One will then be a child who is missing something and their partner will be an adult who is there to provide what they are messing.

One of the things that will cause one to do what they can do keep the relationship going, will be the fear of what will happen if the relationship was to come to an end. The most important thing, then, is going to be for them to make sure that they are not single.

A Big Effect

Unlike the person above, one will have a dog when they are in a relationship but they won't have had one before and they certainly won't have one after. Being in a relationship is not going to turn up the good feelings that they already experience; it will cause them to experience feelings that they don't usually experience.

And, as they don't usually experience these feelings, it is going to be normal for them to become dependent on their partner. This person will be seen as the source of these good feelings.

A Long Way Down

Therefore, if this person was to end the relationship, one is likely to end up feeling very low. To compensate for this, they could end up eating / drinking too much, or they could find someone else to plug the hole that has opened up within them.

If one was to look back on their life, they may find that they have always found it hard to feel good about themselves. What this may illustrate is that their younger years were a time when they didn't receive the type of care that they need to develop in the right way.

Awareness

In other words, they may have been abused and / or neglected when they were younger. The most important thing now, though, is that they do something about what is taking place.

With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will gradually be able to heal themselves. It all starts with them taking the first step and not giving up on themselves.

If someone had just bought a car, there is a strong chance that they would have taken it for a test drive first. This would have given them the opportunity to find out what it is like and to see if it would be a good match for them.

Along with this, they would have most likely asked a number of questions about the car. After all, this was a big decision, so it is a good thing that they had done their research and not just gone for any car.

A Different Approach

However, while someone might be judicious when it comes to what car they buy, this might not be the case when it comes to who they start a relationship with. Therefore, even though this is an important area of their life, they might act as though it isn’t.

If they behaved this way when it came to buying a car, they could end up buying a car that is dangerous or only looks good from the outside. Either way, they will have ended up making a bad decision.

The Main Thing

What someone like this could find is that as long as another person looks good, it is enough for them to take things further. The effect that this person’s appearance has on them is then going to put them into an altered state of consciousness, with this state taking away their ability to think clearly.

The Hallo Effect

Thanks to the other person’s appearance, one will see them through rose coloured glasses. If they were to express what is taking place within them it might sound like this, ‘they look good, so every other part of them must also be good’.

One is then not going to be taking a drug that interferes with their ability to think rationally, but it will be as though they are. One will have put the other person on a pedestal, which is likely to mean that they will have a long way to fall.

Two Extremes

As times goes by, it could become clear that the idea that they had of the other person earlier on had very little basis in reality. At one moment in time they would have been in heaven, but at another, they will be in hell.

If something like this happened once it would be enough, but when this happens on a regular basis, it is going to cause someone to experience a lot of pain. It wouldn’t be accurate, though, to say that this is always what takes place when someone continually ends up with the wrong person.

Another Scenario

Conversely, one could find that they have the tendency to be drawn to people who come across as strong and capable. In the beginning they will feel as though they are with someone who will treat them well, only to find that this person ends up becoming really controlling.

When this happens, the other person will have appeared to have possessed all the right traits in the beginning, yet ended up becoming someone else as time went by. Due to the amount of people they have been with who were like this, they may wonder if they have a sign on their head that says, ‘controlling people only’.

The Common Denominator

Although someone who ends up with the wrong person all the time could find it hard to see any positives in all this, the good thing is that they will be the person who keeps showing up. What this then means is that in order them for attract soemome who is different, they will need to change.

The area that will most likely need to be changed is their inner world; changing their appearance in some way, for instance, is unlikely to be the answer. In the same way that changing a cars appearance is unlikely make it run better, changing their appearance is unlikely resolve what is taking place, either.

One Option

If someone is not willing to look at what is taking place within them, and the affect that this is having on this area of their life, they could ask their friends to help them out. So, when one meets someone who they think is a good match, they could ask one of their friends to come and spend some time with them on different occasions.

The trouble with this approach is that their other person can put on an act at the beginning, and, ones friend might not be a good judge of character. On the other hand, if one starts to resolve the wounds that are within them, it will be easier for them to see other people for who they are as opposed to projecting so much onto them.

Diving In

In addition to this, they will gradually lose the attraction that they have to people who are not good for them. A number of the wounds that they will need to deal with can be the result of what happened whilst they were a child.

What took place during their birth, in the womb, and what was passed down ancestrally, can also play a part in the type of person that they are attracted to as an adult. Dealing with this baggage won’t happen overnight, but it will happen as long as they are patient and persistent.

Awareness

If one wants to change this area of their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer, for instance.

There are women in the world who will be only too happy to surrender to a man, while there are women out there who won't. As a result of this, these women are going to have radically different expectations.

Therefore, there will be what the first group of women look for and then there are going to be what the second group of women look for. But, regardless of what view a woman has, this could be how she has been for quiet some tome.

The First Type

When it comes to a woman who is happy to surrender to a man, it won't mean that she will want a man to dominate and even abuse her. What it will mean is that she will be willing to give herself over to a man, without needing to be in control of what happens.

This is not just going to be any man; it will be a man who she is able to trust and who respects her. The woman will then choose to be in this position, which means that she will also be able to take a step back if she needs to.

The Key Ingredients

Clearly, then, this is something that can only take place if a woman and a man are in the right place. If the man is deeply insecure, has the need to control the woman and lacks maturity, he will most likely end up abusing the trust that has been given to him.

On the other hand, if the woman is also deeply insecure and is unable to fully trust a man, it won't be possible for her to fully let go. It will be as if someone behind her is asking her to drop back, but she won't be able to do so.

Firm Foundations

Once these parts are more or less in place, a woman will be able to let go and the man will typically be able to handle the power that he has been given. It will then be up to him to lead and to make the right decisions.

This won't be about him doing what he wants and completely disregarding the woman's needs; it will be about him being aware of what the woman needs and doing what he can to fulfil her needs. And, when the man acts in this way, it will allow the woman to take a break and to drop into her feminine side.

A Welcome Relief

There is the chance that when it comes to other areas of her life, she will spend a fair amount of time exercising her masculine element. Whether it relates to making decisions at work or having other things to do, her feminine element will be pushed aside.

Taking this into account, when a woman surrenders to a man, it doesn't mean that her masculine element will be cast aside forever. There will be moments when she utilizes this part of her being and moments when she doesn't.

The Second Type

When it comes to a woman who is not interested in surrendering to a man, it can be due to what has happened in the past. Perhaps she has given herself over to men, only to be taken advantage of.

Her feminine side could then be seen as a weakness, and she may have even lost touch with this part of her being. If she was to get into a relationship, it could be with a man who has just about lost touch with his masculine side.

Inner Conflict

From the outside, it could seem as though the woman is like a mother and the man is like a son. And, even though being with a man like this will allow her to stay in control, it doesn't mean that she will be happy deep down.

Even though she will have chosen a man like this, she could still complain that he doesn't stand his ground and lacks backbone. It will then be as though she has ordered a meal and once it arrives, she will complain that it's the wrong meal.

Another Scenario

In order for a woman like this to have a fulfilling relationship, it is likely that she will need to look into what is taking place within her and to heal her inner wounds. However, while there will be women out there who can no longer surrender to a man due to what has taken place in their past, there will be plenty of women who do even though they have been treated badly time and time again.

It could then be said that not only will they attract the wrong type of men, they will also lack the ability to know if a man is a decent human being. One approach would be for them to focus purely on the signs that a man like this displays – the red flags.

Another Route

Another approach would be for them to look into why they are continually drawn to men who want to take advantage of them. At a conscious level, being with a man like this is going to cause them to suffer, but unconsciously, it is likely to be what feels safe.

This might be hard for them to accept, especially as it will have felt anything but safe to be with a man like this. Even so, the reason that being with a man like this feels safe is likely to be the result of what took place during their early years.

Back In Time

At this time in their life, they may have been brought up by at least one caregiver who abused them in some way. They would have been incredibly vulnerable, yet this caregiver wouldn't have been able to treat them in the right way.

The trouble is that even though this time in their life would have been very traumatising, it would have come to be associated as what is familiar to their ego mind and to this part of them, what is familiar is classed as what is safe. It is then going to be perfectly normal for them to recreate what took place during their early years, even though it caused them so much pain.

Awareness

What this illustrates is how much of an effect someone's early years can have on their adult life. Until someone looks into what happened and deals with their inner wounds, they will continue to play out what took place when they were younger.

If one can relate to this, and they want to transform their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

While one could come across another person and not really experience anything, they could come across someone else and it could be as if their whole being has been hijacked. But, even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that one will see this as a bad thing.

One will then have lost control, yet it will be seen as a sign that they have met someone who is right for them. Every part of their being is then going to be on green, telling them to move ahead.

An Analogy

Therefore, this scenario is likely to be very similar to how it would be if one went to look for a new car. There will be cars that don’t do it for them, cars that they like but are not enamoured with, and cars that they are strongly drawn to.

In will then be a good idea for them to buy the car that really draws them in, that’s if they have the means to do so. If they end up with a car that doesn’t do it for them, it is unlikely that they will enjoy having the car.

One Direction

So, just like being drawn to a car will tell them that the car is right for them, being strongly attracted to someone will tell them that the peons is right for them. As a result of this, one will want to do what they can to take things further.

Another thing that they may feel the need to do, after having met some like this, is to tell the people in their life about what has happened. They could end up telling these people that they have met someone who is perfect for them.

Emotionally Uplifted

No matter what their emotional state was like before they met this person, there is a strong chance that it has radically changed since that point in time. If they were not in a good place, now they will be, and, if they were in a good place, they will probably feel even better.

In fact, it could seem as though they have been taken to another planet or that the planet they live on is so much better. It then won’t be necessary for one to be with this person in order to feel better; they will only need to think about them.

The Next Step

Let’s say that the other person is also attracted to them and things do progress, one could start to think about the future. They might think about what it will be like to live with this person and to even start a family with them, for instance.

Now, as time passes, it could become clear that they are in a relationship with someone who is right for them. It was then a good thing that they responded in the way that they did, when they first came into contact with this person.

Another Scenario

At the same time, what one may find that this person is not good for them as time goes by. And, while this person might simply not be a good match; it could end up being far worse.

For example, they could end up coming to see that they are with someone who is verbally or physically abusive. One will then have been on one side of the emotional spectrum at the beginning, only to go to the other side of it as time has gone by.

Unbelievable

If one felt so good at the beginning and just about every part of them was saying ‘go for it’, it can be hard for them to comprehend how this could have happened. One may end up taking place is that one will feel like a victim.

It can seem as though they were deceived and, as a result, it will be normal for them to feel as though they have been taken advantage of. Nonetheless, just because it seems as though they played no a part in what has occurred; this is unlikely to be so.

A Potential Red Flag

What it is likely to show is that they were simply unaware of what was going on, which is why they had no reason to question what was taking place and allowed themselves to be swept away by it all. Ergo, even though being strongly attracted to this person would have been seen as something positive, they were being deceived by what was taking place within them.

To understand what most likely took place at this stage of their life, it will be necessary take a closer look into why someone would be attracted to another person. It would be easy to believe that this is typically something that takes place when someone likes another person’s appearance and their personality.

A Deeper Look

These two elements play a part, that is clear, but they are surface levels factors. There are other elements that play an even bigger role in why one would be attracted to another person.

Below these surface level elements is the part that someone’s childhood has on who they are drawn to. Consciously, one can have the need to be with someone who will be a good match for them but, unconsciously, they will have the need to find someone who will allow them to resolve their early wounds.

Repetition Compulsion

Said another way, their conscious mind will want them to be happy, while their unconscious mind will want them to evolve. With this in mind, the reason one can feel a strong attraction to someone can be due to the fact that this person reminds them of one of their caregivers.

At a deeper level, part of them will want to replay what took place all those years ago and then to resolve it. Without realising it, they will be projecting what they didn’t get from their caregivers into another person and, as time passes, these positive projections will start to fade out, being replaced by negative projections and the other person’s true nature will start to fade in.

Awareness

Taking this into account, if someone feels strongly attracted to someone, it might be a good idea for them to step back and to reflect. Doing this might save them a lot of pain in the long-term.

What this emphasises is that while ones conscious mind can forget about what happened in the past, their unconscious mind doesn’t forget. This part of them will reveal why they are attracted to certain people.

If one finds that they have the tendency to be attracted to the wrong people, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.