What is the culture of a Hot wife?

For many men and women it means a forbidden lifestyle of a married couple allowing and encouraging a wife to take on additional sex partners. For many men (I mean a GREAT many) this is a common fantasy.

For most couples, however, the emotional stress and jealousy is too great for a relationship to survive, let alone thrive. Don’t despair if you have the fetish, but not the open relationship with your spouse. There are plenty of role play and fantasy games you can enjoy together to simulate the hot wife experience without the emotional baggage of a third player in the bedroom.

Exploring the culture in detail, many forums show the man being dominated by his wife. The dominatrix fantasy is a logical extension of the culture. However, there are more men who simply enjoy the pornographic experience of seeing their wife with another man, who are not into being dominated by their mistress. For most men with this fantasy, it is simply an extension of pornography. Only this time, their wife is in the movie! (Or live show as it were)

For the majority of couples, however, jealousy, STD’s and emotional challenges prevent most men and women from living out this fantasy. Here are a few ideas to re-create the culture, mood, and excitement of your own, personal and sexually-charged cuckold relationship.

1.       Set the mood for an affair. Creating the right atmosphere is critical in any sexual situation. Candles, music, and atmosphere do more to turn us on then words which are temporary. With the right mood, a couple can become aroused and stay aroused longer. Find out what scents turn your partner on and use them sparingly. If your fantasy takes place in a crowded bar or seedy hotel, go there. Nothing sets the mood and re-creates the fantasy better than a well dressed set. Like James Cameron did for the filming of the Titanic, build the perfect set for your affair. You don’t have to be an Oscar-nominated actor to get in the spirit of things!

2.       Create the PERFECT partner. The fantasy of another man with your wife can be both her fantasy and yours. Chances are one of you may be embarrassed to admit being attracted to another type of person. It’s OK. Nobody can be everything to anyone. So you married a blonde…of course you want an affair with a brunette. Variety is the spice of life! My wife is crazy for accents so find out what country or accent turns your wife on and practices it. The better job you do of recreating her “mystery” lover, the more realistic your fantasy will seem to the both of you.

3.      Be courageous. You are probably experimenting with some new stuff here. Of course you are going to make some mistakes, say the wrong thing or embarrass yourself. Get over it! Practice makes perfect. You are already married and have had embarrassing moments before. Just make them all in private in case one of your fantasies is sex in public places. You’ll want to get that right the first time, just in case it is your last!

4.       Be forgiving of yourself and each other. I am assuming that the hot wife culture appeals to only one of you. (If it appeals to both of you, be safe and smart about your emotions and health) Since this topic is rife with jealousy, be sure to discuss it outside of the bedroom when the time is right. My wife and I had to see a few movies and have some calm discussions about sexuality before she was comfortable bringing our “fantasy man” into the bedroom. In her mind, if the roles were reversed (And they were sometimes!) she wanted to be the #1 girl. I understood completely and always talked up our bi-sexual fantasy girl as the warm up person. Sure, she would play with both of us during intercourse, but I always dismissed her after a while and focused on my wife. The same is true for her fantasy man. Be respectful and forgiving of your partner during this time of discovery.

In conclusion, don’t be embarrassed about the hot wife culture. It is a very common fantasy and one that can be explored safely with the two of you. In fact, there are many advantages to keeping this fantasy a fantasy! With an imaginary playmate there is no uncomfortable moments of Q and A. There is no jealousy. The fantasy person can instantly teleport into and out of our bedroom whenever we want and neither of us can catch an STD!

Wonderful!

If you and your wife are both prepared to take it out of the world of fantasy and into the real world, have plenty of discussions and go ahead and role play it out a few times before you do it for real. Like test pilots flying simulators, you’ll cover some of the issues, but not all of them! For more ideas, strategies and tactics for creating a smokin’ hot wife, visit http://makeyourwifehot.com today!

Hold your horses

Contrary to popular belief that European royalty started to wear high-heels in the 16th century to make them taller – and, hence, the term “well-heeled” – elevated shoes can be traced back to Persians warriors. The heels gave them better stability on horseback and allowed them to be more precise when shooting arrows.

Men’s high-heels of that era generally came in at about 3.8 cm. Think cowboy boots and you get the idea.

As heels evolved, the trend was thick heels for men and thin ones for women. As always, the elite tried to maintain their status with higher shoes when the poor and the workers started to copy them. Eventually men – except for those wanting a small boost in height – gave up wearing high heels, but that doesn’t mean they won’t become fashionable again at some point.

The highs and lows

High-heels have gone in and out of fashion for centuries, but since World War II, they have become a staple item on the catwalk and at the office for women. A low heel is classified as one that is between 2.5 cm to 6.4 cm; high comes in at 6.4cm to 8.9cm. Anything over that is virtually impossible to walk in and slides into fetish or jewelry categories.

According to The Spine Health Institute, 72 percent of women wear high heels at one time or another: special occasions, parties, and dances. And 31 percent of women wear heels to work every day.

Types of heels

Like everything else fashion oriented, heels have their seasons. Names like Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin and Manolo Blahnik are shoe-gurus to those in the know and their fans eagerly await their next collections.

Heels may be pumps – or court shoes – stilettos or platforms. Colors, shapes and heel shapes may come and go, but the basics stay the same. One year platforms may be all the rage, only to be dumped the following year in favor of pumps.

Why do women wear heels?

The easy answer is that they are sexy. The higher the heel the more there is a forward bending at the hips. As a result of this imbalance the calf, hip and back muscles have to tense up to compensate.

Heels also ensure that a woman walks slower and moves her body more provocatively. Heels are sexy, trainers aren’t.

Shoe Fetishes

The Urban Dictionary defines a parphilla – the technical term for shoe fetish – as an unusual fixation on high heel shoes and/or boots. Some men develop a shoe fetish and may visit a Dominatrix to live out their fantasies of high heels.

The average woman has about 20 pairs of shoes. Others, however, develop an obsession and own hundreds of pairs of shoes that may never get out of the box or the closet. One theory is that while women may gain weight and have to buy bigger clothes, their feet generally stay the same size, so hence the compulsion to buy shoes.

Crossing the sex divide

One group of men who do wear high heels as part of their ensemble are cross-dressers and transgenders.

Carmen Rupe – a well-known drag queen in the antipodes – always wore heels when she worked as a snake and belly dancer in the 1960 and 70s. Later in life, however, she had to abandon her precious shoes for more sensible footwear.

Similarly, Bob/bi, a cross-dresser in New Zealand wouldn’t think of going out without his heels, although he goes with low to medium heels, rather than stilettos. “Wearing heels is a very important part of feeling feminine. And without them it just doesn’t work. The one thing tragic cross-dressers need to learn is how to walk in heels. Women start when they are young and it becomes natural to them to be able to balance. For men, however, it is a skill that has to be practiced.”

Heels in the developing world

High heels in Africa and Asia are status symbols. Remember Imelda Marcos from the Philippines, for example, is rumored to have had over 3,000 pair of shoes?

Unless women are rich enough to have a car and driver, heels are totally impractical where there aren’t any good sidewalks. When riding small motorcycle or taking public transport, some third world women carry their heels in a bag to be put on at the venue. That way they can still look stylish. The high-heel quality tends to be inexpensive plastic, rather than leather.

Harm from heels

Dr. Natalie Nevins, an osteopathic physician warns that prolonged high-heel wear can cause damage. Included under this rubric are falls, lower back pain, nerve damage, bunions and sciatica.

Pregnant women may also want to wear flats as the altered position of having the hips trust forward isn’t good for the fetus.

Sexy or sensible?

Ultimately, it is up to each woman to make an informed decision about her appearance. A good balance might be sensible during the day and sexy for special occasions.

BDSM – Helpful information

In this article you will educate yourself about BDSM and in what way it can be used as stress relief for some.

Firstly, BDSM is short for for Bondage, Discipline and Sado Masochism. Additionally, it is short for Bondage, Dominance, Sadism and Masochism.

BDSM involves two or more people in several roles. Often, one person plays the dominant role while the other plays a submissive role. The dominating person administers pain to the submissive person by means of “torture”, beatings, and whippings. Chiefly, the submissive person enjoys increasingly being in bondage, while the dominant person enjoys the experience of power. There is a consensual arrangement between the parties, and thus even though it would appear that the submissive person is being forced to take the pain, both parties are experiencing pleasure. Therefore, it is easy to see how this technique can certainly help relieve stress. BDSM is often associated with scenes in sex magazines where it’s useful to create sexual tension.

You will find numerous types of BDSM, whereby the intensity of pain also may differ. In some kinds of BDSM, the activities involve mild pain or none at all, while others involve serious pain. In cases where the submissive person is experiencing intense pain, they are the ones which have some degree of control over the amount of pain he or she will take. It is not as if the person is being forced to take the pain.

While intense kinds of BDSM involve actual pain, less severe forms involve bondage, light caning, spanking, verbal abuse, or humiliation. Whatever forms of activities are involved in BDSM, the role-play has to be safe, consensual and controlled.

Many people do not understand the BDSM community. The SM part of the acronym BDSM (Sadism and Masochism) describes activities that are regarded as unpleasant by many people. Obviously, men and women who don’t grasp what BDSM means, can be quick to associate BDSM participants as freaks and perverts, since the activities and the names imply abuse and violence. In addition to the obvious Bondage and Discipline part of it, which we will come to later. Steps have been taken to give a more positive meaning to BDSM and this is how the acronym was arrived at.

Many more people are doing BDSM today than before. The interesting truth is that you may already be involving BDSM as part of your sex life without knowing it. Unlike back in the day, when BDSM was viewed negatively, many people are starting to realise the positive aspects of this lifestyle. It is easy to attach evil or dark connotations to BDSM when you first encounter the practice on movies, videos or magazines, but as you learn that it is not what it seems to be, you will start to view it more positively.

BDSM has become cleverly included in commercials globally. You may have seen commercials where Jeans manufacturers manipulate a form of BDSM in their adverts. Even music may be based on BDSM, such as Justin Timberlake “Sexy Back”, and “Master and Servant” Depeche Mode in addition to numerous others. BDSM crops up in every day life if you look for it.

As BDSM is becoming a lot more popular, companies are offering new products in this niche. The likes of Ann Summers now sell lots of BDSM equipment and clothes. Products are available for both the dominant and submissive role-plays. If you undertake some window-shopping in one of these brilliant shops, you will discover an assortment of whips, canes, leather clothing, guide books, and many other items. Additionally, you will find novelty products like blindfolds, handcuffs, and light chains. The shops are stocked to the brim during Christmas, and Valentines.

BDSM has been practised for quite some time but the most prominent advocate of BDSM lived in the 18th century. Should you study the history of BDSM, you will know that nothing has changed really except the name and popularity of this practice. Nobody knows how BDSM started. The French author, Marquis De Sade was known to be a passionate sexual sadist. Marquis has written many books about BDSM, although not much is well know about his acts. The most crucial element omitted from Marquis Publications is the need for consent in all BDSM activities. Consent is necessary from the submissive role players to get familiar with the act. Modern BDSM emphasizes the need for consent from both parties to obtain pleasure from one another through bondage or dominance.

Therefore, it is no coincidence that the word Sadist is derived from the name of the French author, Sade. Masochism is another term that is part of the BDSM acronym. This term is credited to the author of Venus In Furs, Sacher-Masoch.

An important feature of BDSM is role-playing. It has been described how people obtain pleasure from Dominance and Submission. People will also obtain pleasure from bondage. Numerous factors come into play during role-playing. A participant will experience of all kinds of physical sensations which might be triggered by erotic stimuli, emotions and psychological aspects which could bring stress relief. The Sadism Masochism section of BDSM (SM) involves the dominatrix playing as the Sadist, administering pain and humiliation, while the Submissive plays the Masochist, who receives the pain and humiliation.

BDSM activities where people role play are often held at private clubs or at fetish clubs like the Torture Garden Fetish Club in London. Groups of people can engage in these activities. Many people experience a sense of freedom or liberty while they are in bondage. This freedom relates to their day to day life, and their ability to take responsibilities and make decisions. You will find BDSM scenes that involve people who are powerful businessmen in real life, playing the role of a submissive. Although it is only for a short time, they learn something about being in a position of weakness. They will thus be able to relate better to their employees.

Imagine yourself being the Dominatrix in this role-play. In the real world, a businessman who runs a company and is totally anxious, and stressed, being the dominant person at the office may result in him being a submissive in a BDSM scene since the dominant one takes away the power which he has in real life. She becomes the boss, and treats him like an underdog (possibly similar to how he treats his employees). She takes on the power, so he submits his manhood, his dominant personality to her as he does not have to take responsibility for anything in the scene and the roles are reversed. You can be dominant in other areas of your business apart from with your employees. As an example, you can be dominant over your competitors.

Some people are just not capable of being dominant role in real life, and this may lead to stress if you are in a position that requires you to be dominant. When you are not dominant, you will lose control and power, and this may translate into low self-esteem and financial loss for your business.

BDSM is a form of therapy that can be applied to your business. People who are submissives in real life may want to learn how to be dominant. BDSM offers the perfect environment for your fantasies. Besides helping you to be successful in business, it will also help you to relieve stress by participating in a scene can be viewed as “playing”. In BDSM, you have your sphere of influence where you can exert control. It can also be a helpful therapy to businessmen who are looking for an emotional outlet. Instead of releasing negative energy against your employees or competitors, BDSM will provide a healthy channel for your pent up energy.

It has been discovered that the human body releases pleasure chemicals called Endorphins into the bloodstream during periods of pleasure, such as sex, when eating chocolate and during painful/intensely emotional or highly excitable scenes. So if enjoying BDSM releases Endorphins, it’s inevitable that it can be found to be useful as a stress reliever.

A book review of PERMANENT OBSCURITY: Or A Cautionary Tale of Two Girls & Their Misadventures With Drugs, Pornography and Death by Dolores Santana (as told to Richard Perez)

For a novel that's supposedly kinky and "subversive," PERMANENT OBSCURITY by Richard Perez reads weirdly like a teen novel or a juvenile delinquent melodrama. That was my first impression. These aren't the butt-kicking exploitation stereotypes that appear in Roger Corman movies of the 1970s or Russ Meyer movies of the 1960s, as mentioned on the book's website and referred to on the back cover. (Inside, the novel is even dedicated to Russ Meyer, director of such exploitation classics as Vixen and Faster Pussycat! Kill! .. Kill! …) If anything PERMANENT OBSCURITY unfolds like an urban teenage soap opera or comedy, except for the fact that they use dirty language and overindulge in drugs as any juvenile delinquent might. Even as far as the sex goes (kinky, bi-lesbian or otherwise), it seems driven more by naive curiosity than anything. Okay, I'll admit that there's a death – or two; but these are a result of accidents, not pre-meditated "femme fatale" dealings as the book's opening pages imply.

As the story begins, Dolores and Serena, the two principal characters, are struggling downtown dropouts who attempt to get by with the least amount of effort possible. The setting is New York City, but it could be any youthful hub: Portland or Austin or even San Francisco. The point is, these two girls are slackers, more or less, who want to live outside the workaday world – to indulge in art and explore their freedom, even if it means living hand-to-mouth (and live hand-to- mouth, they do). In another era, these two might've been called beatniks or hippies or punks. The only difference here – why this story might be considered satire – is that Dolores and Serena ultimately aspire to the same kind of tacky celebrity as most young Americans; their quest for fame seems more to be their purpose in "the arts" and, in a tragic ironic twist by the novel's end, they seem to achieve their goal.

Dolores is the narrator of this "true-life" juvenile delinquent melodrama, but it's actually Serena, her best friend, who supplies key elements of the central story. It's Serena's affinity for coke that gets them both into trouble, it's Serena seeing herself as a budding diva / dominatrix and fetish model that keeps them afloat and sets the stage for their "underground" filmmaking. It's ultimately Serena's self-absorption that brings unwanted tragedy too. And it's Serena that largely supplies the story with its love interest, as far as Dolores is concerned. Along the way, the author weaves traditional juvenile delinquent threads (dating back to the 1930s, at least): pregnancy, dissolution of family, alienation from society, unemployment, theft, even the use of ridiculous teenage urban slang, and of course alcohol and drugs. PERMANENT OBSCURITY is almost a compendium of juvenile delinquent pulp subject matter.

So, the moral of this "cautionary tale" you might ask? Don't mess with drugs or pornography, obviously. Avoid "the arts" unless you want heart-ache? In a funny way, yes. But, first and foremost, the novel seems to illustrate how being self-centered – and willfully out of touch with the world – can pose a threat not only to you but those around you. Several innocent (and maybe not so innocent) bystanders bite the dust in this story, and in the end the protagonists are even punished in a classic way as the entire book is revealed to be Dolores' jailhouse confession.

Girls are actually easier to understand than you think. One thing you need to know is that if you confuse a girl a lot, she will be even more likely to fall in love with you. Girls tend to get attracted to guys who are more challenging than most and are termed as “bad boys”.

However, if you are the kind of guy who spends his weekends at home alone, you really need to get rid of your barriers and make some changes as soon as you can. Stop trying to become the perfect guy for the girl you are eyeing. From this moment onwards, your weaknesses no longer exist.

Only nice guys focus on working on their weaknesses and you should not strive to be one of them. Read on to figure out how you can become a bad boy and attract any girl that you want today….

How To Become The Bad Boy That All The Girls Want To Sleep With

Tip #1. Control How You Feel. You have to find out how you can take full control of both your body language and your voice, so as to seem like the leader in everything that you do. Girls are generally born to be submissive, so a trait of dominance is sure to make you more attractive in the eyes of girls. Become a dominatrix and watch girls follow you everywhere you o.

Tip #2. Challenge How She Feels. If you want to keep a girl guessing, you have to pretend like you aren’t interested in her at all so as to challenge her properly. Guys who are always longing for a girl’s attention become boring after a while and the girls will then start to look to other guys for entertainment once they have had enough. Do not work hard for any girl’s attention; make her work for yours instead.

Tip #3. Try Out Hypnosis. The best bad boy technique out there would be hypnosis, as it is both easy and incredibly effective. In fact, it even has the power to make girls fall in love with you in under 15 minutes. You just have to use certain kinds of hypnosis techniques whenever you talk to girls.

If done the right way, a girl’s feelings will peak and each emotional high that she goes through will then get anchored to you. This will make her long to be with you on a subconscious level and she will never be able to stop thinking about you anymore after that.

If you’re new to learning how to talk to women, you must be able to nail the sex talk. Some men hardly ever talk dirty when in conversation with a girl because they are scared of turning her off with explicit talk. Sex talk is very important for a girl’s arousal. You can move things along and progress from being friends to being lovers if you get her in the mood faster.

Here are three tips to increase your comfort level when you’re talking to a girl about sex.

How to Improve Your Sex Talk – 3 Tips

1. Control Your Emotions

Talking to a girl about sex may get you in the mood faster than her. Control your emotions and urges, and concentrate on increasing her arousal. Stuttering and being unable to continue with the sex story you are telling is the conversational equivalent of premature ejaculation, which is a turn off. If you’re starting to feel uncomfortable with the way the talk is progressing, in that you are getting too excited, take a deep breath and clear your head.

2. Talk About What You Want to Do

Most women get turned on more when the talk is all about the things that can contribute to their pleasure. Being the dominant entity in sex will work to your benefit, unless the girl mentioned that she’s into dominatrix-inspired sex. You can talk about going down on her.

Saying “I want to do you from behind” is also a good example of how to describe what sex position you want to start with. You have to come up with your own ideas for your dirty talk, but mix it up and be original. You can ask her where her ticklish spots are and concentrate on creating a sex story with that information in mind.

3. Switch to Your Sex Voice

Get a recorder and practice talking dirty. When you listen to your voice, observe some of the things you can improve on, like tonality and comfort level. The sounds you make when talking dirty, even the way you laugh, need to be sexy. If you notice that you’re talking too fast, slow down. If you tend to hesitate before mentioning some explicit words, get yourself comfortable about using those words or don’t use them at all.

Your voice has a psychological effect on the girl. When you use a nasty sounding voice, a different sexual experience comes to mind. For example, when you say “I like it rough, can you handle that?”, you can shift to your nasty voice. Another example is using a nastier tone when using really dirty words for anatomical features. When you’re talking about foreplay, you can switch to a much sweeter version of your tone.

Sex talk is something that should come naturally when you’re aroused. What we talked about here is how to control the sex talk so that you can increase her arousal more. If you learn how to talk to women in a sexual manner, it won’t be long before you master the art of affecting her psychological state after a few minutes of conversation.

Sexy bodysuits aren’t your typical lingerie. Bodysuits are much more of a walk on the wild side. If you’re in the mood to try something different, give bodysuits a try. Bodysuits go by a couple of other names. You might also hear them referred to as bodystockings or catsuits.

Bodysuits are sort-of like a leotard that covers your whole body. That is, they have long legs and long sleeves. You might be wondering how bodysuits can be sexy if they’re covering you up from head to toe! Sexy bodysuits are sexy because of the fabric they’re made from – or perhaps we should say lack of fabric! Almost all bodysuits are 100% see-through, and many of them are made from fishnet.

But not all bodysuits have long sleeves. Some have short sleeves or even spaghetti straps. You can even find halter top-style bodystockings.

Bodysuits are popular fetish-wear lingerie. When made from black leather, sexy bodysuits can help you achieve a dominatrix-style look. They also come in rubber and PVC.

The classic bodysuit, however, is made from black fishnet or other panty-hose like material. Red is another popular color for bodysuits. You’ll often find bodystockings made from stretchy red lace. These days, though, anyone shopping for lingerie in the uk can find a bodysuit in any color they like. Pink, purple, green…you can buy one in all of your favorite colors.

Sexy bodysuits are fun because it’s like being dressed and undressed at the exact same time. It’s the strange (but seductive!) paradox of showing everything while covering everything. Bodysuits certainly top the list of erotic lingerie. It takes total confidence to pull off this look. Before you put on a bodysuit, look in the mirror and say, “I’m a tempting tigress!” Grrrrr!

As with lots of lingerie, bodysuits are sometimes worn as regular clothing. When worn for fashion they’re usually called “catsuits.” Simply paired with a blazer or worn under skirt, catsuits are a trend that continues to come and go.

Sexy teddies are the skimpier cousin of the bodysuit. Teddies are often described as a combination of a camisole and panties. Basically, they’re comparable to a one-piece bathing suit. Like bodysuits, most teddies are made from sheer fabric.

Perhaps the sexiest teddies are those called the “deep V” teddy. These teddies have a plunging neckline – in fact, it plunges all the way to your navel! If you want to show a little less skin, you can buy a teddy with peek-a-boo keyholes in the front.

Sexy teddies can be revealing in all sorts of places. All you have to do is decide what you want to reveal! For instance, if you’ve got a great derriere, buy a thong-back teddy. To show off toned shoulders, select a backless teddy when you shop for lingerie in the uk.

A slight variation on the teddy is the teddiette. A teddiette is much like a teddy, except a teddiette also has detachable garters. Teddiettes are popular because matching garters make for a very sexy accessory.

Next time you’re in the market for sexy lingerie, dare to bare it all (yet simultaneously cover it all) with a sexy bodysuit. And don’t forget a teddy – they’re hot, hot, hot and surprisingly comfortable.

I’ve talked about many things in the realm of sex, but I haven’t spoken much about bondage.

Well, there are a couple of good reasons for this. For one, it’s a good idea to be comfortable with the idea of “experimental sex” before attempting to add blindfolds or whips and chains into the fray.

For another, I like to savor this subject and bring it out when I’m feeling particularly naughty.

Who Uses Bondage?

I can honestly tell you lots of people use bondage.

Even more want to use it, but don’t know how or they’re too afraid to ask their beloved.

Bondage is an excellent sexual release and absolutely mind blowing tease and denial method. More often I see people in a loving and trusting relationship using bondage and S and M games, though it’s certainly not limited to those couples.

I admit, bondage takes a certain amount of trust. I remember the first time I was blindfolded I thought “Oh shit, what did I get myself into?” Of course, I loved every erotically charged moment of it and I was with my beloved, so that made it more comfortable.

Teasing Him

I know I’ve told you many times that male chastity does not equal dominatrix woman and sex slave man.

If that were so, we women wouldn’t give any regard for your feelings and would torture you endlessly without your pleasure.

Bondage, whips and chains, S and M games, and all other forms of fantasy fun are not meant to torment a sex slave (well, they are meant to really, but in a consensual manner).

These play games are meant to explore new territory, build trust, act out fantasies, and of course, torture your bound beloved in ways he can only imagine.

How Do I Start?

I could write a book on bondage play, but I’ll give you a few basics to start with. First, because you’re trusting each other in ways you haven’t done before, get consent.

Talk about possibilities. Go to a local sex shop and look at the toys. Tell each other what you want to try and then go home and give it a go.

Yes, it’s as easy as that. Whips and chains, blindfolds, leather and stilettos, and (my favorite) handcuffs are all very good beginning tools for torment.

Once you get your beloved home, go ahead and blindfold him, restrain him, tease his cock endlessly until he’s begging for release and then…well, you’re not really going to give in, are you?

Okay, you have your man locked up and you wear his male chastity key close to your heart for safekeeping. But, is he really safe and secure or can he escape when you are not looking?

Men are artful creatures. Women know that. That is why we must keep watch over them. It’s also why so many of us put our men in male chastity in the first place. We know they lie to us about how often they masturbate, and we know that they are thinking about other women when they do it. Quite simply, men can’t be trusted – particularly when it comes to their penis!

That’s why, although you may have put your man in chastity and under lock and key, you still worry that he’ll find some way to pick the lock and escape without telling you. That would defeat the entire point of male chastity and ruin all of your training efforts – putting him at risk for being seduced by another woman!

You know you don’t want that but, don’t worry. The truth is it’s harder for a man to get out of a male chastity device without your key than you would think. Of course, it’s not impossible; but with a little bit of preparation, you should be able to lock him up in male chastity and hide the key without worrying about him being a bad boy.

o The only way a man can really get out of a male chastity device is if you’ve purchased the wrong size for him. If he’s poorly endowed he might be able to use ice to shrink his penis, slip out and then slip it back on. That’s why it’s important for you to be honest with yourself about the size of his equipment and order one that will fit him. When it doubt, err on the smaller side.

o The locks on male chastity devices are designed so that they will break if they are tampered with. Most importantly – the locks are numbered. That means that he can’t just go buy another similar looking lock, break his own and then lock himself back up with the new one. When you get your man his male chastity device, the number will be printed on both the lock and the key. Whenever you unlock him, make sure the numbers match!

o He could likely break a plastic male chastity device with tools in his garage. But, the damage would be way obvious and getting caught is not the objective. If you buy him a steel one, he won’t even be able to do that. He’d have to go to a professional welder to get it off – and do you really think he’s going to risk the heat or admit to another man that you have him locked up? Probably not!

o If you are really worried about him having no self control at all and getting the thing welded off, you can always go all the way and get a chastity piercing. These piercings are attached in such a way that if he tried to rip it off without the key, he’d severely damage his manly bits – and no man is going to risk that.

o Most chastity devices come with keys that are labeled, “Do Not Copy.” That means even if he tried to sneak the key away for an afternoon, most locksmiths will refuse to make a copy of it.

So, there you have it! With a little bit of patience, you can improve your marriage by keeping your man in chastity and under lock and key without ever worrying about him getting out!

Obviously, some devices are more secure than others. But, once you get to the point where he’s comfortable being locked in steel – which should be every woman’s goal – it will be virtually impossible for him to get out. That means you can train him and never have to worry about him cheating.

And, of course, if you ever notice him trying to get out, you could always enforce an extra month of chastity – which is a lesson he’ll remember for the rest of your wonderful married life!

The True Self is capable of objectively observing the Sex Addict Self because it's not obsessively preoccupied with getting it's neurotic needs met. Psychoanalysts call this the "observing ego" and it is considered a sign of maturity. Proponents of Eastern spirituality call the True Self "The Witness" because it's essence is conscious awareness of the inner workings of the mind.

With time in addiction recovery, the True Self becomes "The Witness" of the Sex Addict Self and can see very clearly that the Addict Self is full of lies and rationalizations. When your True Self can recognize the lies and distortions of the Addict Self, you're close to being free from the shackles of addiction.

Over the course of many years of treating sex addicts and their partners, I have compiled a list of the main thoughts and perceptions of the Addict that need to recognized and dismissed by your Higher Self.

The Addict Self lives in duplicity. It speaks falsehoods to you and to those you love. Having lived in hiding and isolation for so long, he is unable to do reality testing with others and so is subject to a squadron of perceptual distortions. Some of these include:

All the guys do it.

I'm not hurting anyone but myself.

Just one last time. "(Have you considered that if you were capable of" one last time "you would have done it years ago?)

I'm just not attracted to my wife. She's gained ten pounds. (Compared to a porn star ??)

This time I'll make it work. I can have my pleasure without paying a price. (!!)

I can't see living my whole life without porn.

I work hard at the office. I deserve this.

The women in my fantasy life desire me and because I am desired by women, I am a better human being.

I'm not just a John. She's really turned on by me.

My dominatrix is ​​one of my closest friends.

Being seen with a beautiful woman enhances my stature as a man in the eyes of other men.

When I'm in a sexual trance, I'm in control. (Who are you kidding?)

The woman in the chat room really believes I'm 35, single and in great shape.

I'm the phone sex worker's favorite client.

I don't have a problem with intimacy. I'm just polyamorous.

Because I've suffered through 30 days of not looking at porn, I can start again and this time I'll have control over it.

Because these (fantasy) women desire me, I'm proving to the guys from school that I'm not some worthless geek who girls reject.

If I'm overtaken by a powerful urge to act out, I must comply with it.

If I reach out for help, no one will be there for me.

I must turn only to myself to get my needs and wants met.

The most exciting sexual experience is a fantasy based on using someone else.

To be sexually aroused, I must be subjugated and humiliated.

Because sexual arousal has changed my mood, my emotional needs have been met.

Compulsive, deviant sex satisfies me emotionally.

I can rely only on a predictable mood change from sexual arousal. People may not always come through.

Objects are more dependable than people.

Vanilla sex with a partner is boring.

Sex is my first priority. People come second.

The only thing I can really depend on is the illusory sense of fulfillment and the predictable mood change of the Erotic Haze.

The only time I'm in control is when I'm in the Erotic Haze.

I don't really have to face anything I don't want to.

Objects and events are more important than people. I don't really need people.

I can do anything I want, whenever I want, no matter what the damage to myself or others.

Intensity is Intimacy and Intimacy is Intensity.

Sexual empowerment is personal empowerment.

Feelings of sexual competency compensates for my shame and self-hatred.

Sexual arousal fosters the illusion that I'm powerful enough to extract the love and nurturing from the person who couldn't / wouldn't give it to me as a child.

These are some of the cognition and perceptions of the Addict that keep you running as an active sex addict. Many have them occur at the level of the subconscious mind. It takes the Mindful Awareness of the Witness to see the signs of the "stinking thinking" that signifies that the Addict is alive and kicking.

Recovery is the, ultimately, the acknowledgment of the Addict within, a continual acceptance of its potential power and the continuous monitoring of the Voice of the Addict in whatever form it takes.

By acknowledging and claiming the Addict side of your personality and coming to listen and understand the Addict Self, you enter into the recovery process. Successful treatment of sex addiction fosters honesty with the Self in listening to and honoring the True Self. To be in recovery is to separate, consistently and perseveringly the True Self from the Voice of the Addict and to detach from identification with the Addict Self.

Recovery Plus

The process of recovery from addiction is found in the renewal of the Self; and, eventually, in forming meaningful relationships with others and with some form of spiritual principles.

As humans, we are driven by needs for connection, for power and for pleasure. Sex addicts are focused on attaining power and pleasure. But there is another critical drive that resides in the human psyche – the drive for meaning. The Addict Self cannot create or sustain a meaning-full and joyous life because addiction is so meaningless. Settling for living within and being controlled by their drives for power and pleasure, addicts give up on meaning. This is the Self eternally wrestling with the Addict.

The Recovery process makes certain demands on addicts. Gone are the days that life can be centered exclusively around the attainment of pleasure. For the recovering addict to thrive in sobriety, he must relinquish his attachment to power and pleasure and become a meaning-centered person.