Hi. My name is Mistress Sara and I decided to write this article because I’m a firm believer that the male chastity lifestyle can bring a lot of added benefits to most, if not all, relationships.

Male chastity has become very popular over the years, as many women become frustrated with their husbands and their marriages and are looking for practical solutions to save their relationships.

They need romance in their lives; they are tired of their husbands ignoring them, not helping around the house and they’ve noticed their sex life has diminished after the honeymoon.

They want to get back the man they fell in love with when they were dating. A chastity lifestyle can offer the solution. The basic problem with most heterosexual relationships is that men have little to no self-control.

You may be shocked to find this out, but one of the main reasons your sex life is suffering is probably because your husband is using up all his sexual energy masturbating instead of making love to you. Worse still, he’s probably also looking at porn and thinking about other women when he does so.

That’s unacceptable; but, most men can’t help themselves. When you put your man in male chastity, he loses this option and therefore all his sexual energy is once again directed toward you.

Today, I want to provide you with some advice on how you can tell if male chastity is right for your marriage.

If you are a man:

o Do you masturbate more than once a week? If so, this is an indication of addictive behavior. Does your wife know your masturbate? Do you lie about how often you masturbate? Doesn’t your masturbation make you feel ashamed? Again, these are all signs of addiction; you need to stop it – and a chastity lifestyle may be the only way to break this destructive cycle.

o Do you have roughly the same number of orgasms or more orgasms than your wife does? If so, this is a bad thing. Women need more orgasms then men. In fact, your wife should be having at least three to six orgasms for every one you have. If this is not the case, then you need to be under lock and key to control yourself.

o Do you still do romantic things, like take her out to dinner and bring her flowers? If not, your masturbation is causing you to take her for granted, and you need male chastity.

o Do you love your wife? If you do, then you know that your behavior is hurting her. So, why not take action by giving her the keys to your privates so that you can start becoming a better husband?

o Have you ever been tempted to have an affair? Then get locked up right away before you give in and destroy your marriage.

If you are a woman:

o Does your husband admit that he masturbates? If he says he doesn’t, he is lying to you – and lies are destructive to a marriage. Male chastity will put a stop to his masturbation and his lies.

o Does he have a roving eye? Lock him up before he has the chance to stray.

o Has the romance gone out of your marriage? His penile prison will bring it back right away.

o Does he make love to you three or more times a week? If not, he’s wasting his libido on masturbation. Put a stop to it.

o Is he helpful around the house? He will be once he’s under lock and key.

o Do you want better sex and more orgasms? Male chastity will make this a reality.

o Is there a computer in is office? If so, he’s wasting time that could have been spent on you by looking at and reading porn. That’s no different than infidelity, and there is no reason you should put up with it.

o Is your marriage important to you? If so, why wouldn’t you use male chastity to improve it and finally have the husband you’ve always wanted?

Bondassage, developed by Jaeleen Bennis, Santa Cruz USA, is all about a dynamic up-market spa experience and a transforming journey of uniquely tailored erotic pleasure, combining light bondage (BDSM), handcuffs, visual sensory deprivation, sensual erotic music and relaxing sensual massage. In addition, the Bondassage experience can propel the erotic adventurer / client into the BDSM experience called Subspace. What a combination indeed! What does Subspace mean? Could Bondassage be the new Tantra experience? So what is all the buzz and hype about Bondassage anyway?

Profound Pleasure is the Goal

Letting go is the key with Bondassage, surrendering to profound pleasure is the goal. Clients are bound with sexy leather restraints, a blindfold and headphones. The Bondassage experience assists a client to completely unwind and experience the titillating exhilaration of light bondage, massage and teasing domination without the harshness of traditional and stricter BDSM domination.

A Bondassage session gives a client the opportunity to sink into an experience called "Subspace". Many clients experience a facial glow, profound relaxation, release from stress and all-over-the-body tingles for the rest of the day after their Bondassage session.

What is Subspace?

The Bondassage experience is all about the escape from the mundane world, going into another dimension called "Subspace", and surrendering into pure erotic and relaxing pleasure.

Sub-space is usually defined as "an exhilarated state that most believe is caused by a rush of endorphins emitted during a BDSM scene." Many clients say their Bondassage session, felt like they were flying in a deeply pleasurable trance and they enjoyed the opportunity to completely surrender and lose themselves into all-body pleasure!

Surrender into the Unknown

The average clients, who would book a Bondassage session are between 40 and 60+ years old and are mostly professionally educated men and some women. Many Bondassage clients come from a thrill seeking background, they seek the exhilaration of an adrenaline high and the idea of ​​surrendering into the unknown can be a profound erotic turn-on. Most new Bondassage clients have experience with sensual massage and / or tantra, but they are hesitant to see a professional Dominatrix, because they consider it might be too harsh and potentially painful.

Many couples book a Bondassage session. Modern adventurous couples are interested in experiencing something different, to spice up their sex lives and add variety with sensation play, crops and toys, and learn new bedroom techniques.

Where can I book a Bondassage experience?

At this time there are roughly 48 trained practitioners around the world since practitioner training was started in 2008. This light BDSM and sensual massage experience has now gone global and there are Bondassage practitioners in Europe, the United Kingdom and even Australia.

Bondassage or Tantra?

As an Australian teacher of Tantra, I was completely blown away by my kinky Bondassage experience! At the end of my session my face glowed and my body felt alive and relaxed with all-over-the-body tingles. It felt wonderful to further explore the down-regulating experience of subspace while surrendering to erotic relaxation and light BDSM pleasure.

I would highly recommend decadent, high-end Bondassage to anyone who has tasted erotic sensual relaxation and / or Tantra massage. My exploration of Subspace was profoundly surreal and an amazing experience I will never forget!

There’s a new sensation sweeping the nation! Male chastity is quickly becoming an important part of many marriages and long-term relationships. That’s why male chastity belts are one of the most popular sex-related devices sold in America.

In fact male chastity is so popular, you probably have several friends and neighbors who are practicing it without you knowing it! But, as more and more people hear about male chastity, they often wonder what it is – and why so many men and women have decided to make it a fundamental part of their relationship.

After all, most people don’t discuss their private marital business and there is a lot of fantasy out there. That’s why I’d like take a few minutes to introduce you to the male chastity lifestyle.

The basis of male chastity is that men cannot control themselves. They think with their penis, and this is bad for any relationship. Plus, they need to feel like they are conquering their woman in order to maintain sexual interest.

That’s why during the dating process the man can seem romantic, sensitive and always willing to make love. But, after you are married he may stop being as caring, become less interested in sex and do things like masturbate, look at porn or have affairs that can damage your relationship.

It’s because he feels like he has you; the thrill of conquest is gone. Plus, men cannot help but masturbate – often while thinking about other women – and this reduces the amount of libido he directs toward you.

Male chastity changes all that. In a male chastity relationship, you use a device to put his penis under lock and key. Therefore, he can only achieve an erection or have an orgasm when you decide to unlock him.

No longer will he cheat on you by masturbating. You won’t have to worry about him being seduced by a woman of low character. And, he’ll direct all of his sexual energy at you.

Every time you unlock him he’ll feel like he’s won you over again, so he’ll always be trying to conquer you. He’ll do anything and everything he can to please you, just for the chance to win your permission to achieve the orgasms and erections he feels like he needs. He’ll never look at porn again. He’ll become more romantic. He’ll do more things around the house.

In short, he’ll become the perfect husband! Better still, your sex life will improve dramatically. Robbed of his penis, he’ll try to do anything else he can to bring you to orgasm – because he knows it is the only way to earn his freedom.

Sex will become completely centered on him pleasing you. You’ll receive more oral sex and loving attention than you have ever felt before. Night after night, he’ll make love to you with his hands, mouth and soul. No longer will you have to worry about him mounting you, pumping for a few minutes and then going to sleep.

But, this is not a one-sided street. There are benefits for him as well. When he is released his orgasms will be more intense than ever before, his erections will be harder and his libido will be incredible.

In short, you’ll both start having the best sex of your lives – while working on improving your marriage.

That’s why so many couples have realized that the male chastity lifestyle is right for their relationship, and why I think almost every couple should seriously consider making it a part of their marriage.

Every October women everywhere shop for that perfect outfit to pull out on for All Hallows Eve. Dressing up as witches or voluptuous movie stars allows them to portray some sort of sex symbol and have fun. Even men can’t resist dressing up to accent their ladies costume, that’s half the fun anyways!

Halloween is widely known as the most fun time of year to dress up as your favorite vixen or sex kitten and have a night out on the town to show off your foxy side. But you’re looking for something to spice up the rest of the year, and your lingerie collection isn’t quite cutting it. You’re looking for something exciting and sure to grab his attention and fill his every fantasy.

You’re looking for something fancy and guaranteed to please. On the website you can find an assortment of costumes that will stir up some excitement and leave you feeling sexy and confident in front of your man and the mirror.

Whether it’s a sexy schoolgirl uniform you’re looking for or a playful yet dominate cop, you can find whatever it is that gets you going. There’s a wide variety of fancy dresses to choose from. Shopping online offers a secure and wonderful sense of privacy when searching for that special outfit. You are sure to find what you search on your favorite search engine for ‘ladies fancy dress.’

But you may still be trying to convince yourself of a reason to be shopping for such an outfit. There are plenty of reasons that suit everyone’s needs! Buying a dress can help you and your partner fulfill that romantic idea of living out all of your wildest fantasies. Or perhaps it’s a catalyst to help you get into character for your favorite role playing activity behind closed doors. The costumes offered on this website are sure to boost your sex appeal and heighten your sexual aura.

The outfits available differ from the items you’d typically find in your lingerie drawer. They are more detailed, offer a fabulous sense of fantasy and provide a look that is unique and sexy. Women everywhere are choosing to buy sexy fancy dresses to spice up their sex life, or add a little fun to a lingerie party.

These costumes aren’t just for Halloween anymore, now you can pull them out of your closet and wear them for that sexy party you’re attending. If the party invite hasn’t been sent just yet, consider throwing one yourself! All of your girlfriends will surely love an excuse to get done up and have fun in some sexy fancy dresses, and your men are sure to do the same!

Buying an outfit is also a great way to feed your kinkiest fetish! The outfit puts you in the driver’s seat. Consider the cop uniform, and the sexy dominatrix power that comes with the outfit. Your partner is sure to obey your laws and hope anything he says will be held against him! Or try the seductive maid outfit; you could surprise your spouse by cleaning the house in a sexy uniform he’s unlikely to expect.

There’s nothing sexier than a seductive surprise! But these costumes don’t have to be used solely for sexy reasons; there is also a wide variety of tamer costumes available that can be used for parties!

We’ve all been invited to that fantastic theme party and had a clever costume in mind. Sometimes it proves difficult to execute your daydream of that perfect outfit to wear, but now you have a solution! Just by visiting this site will allow you to preview the array of costumes available. You can find that provocative number you’ve been looking for, or that matching 70’s couples costume too!

The prices are very reasonable and affordable. They also offer wigs and hats and matching costumes for your mate! There are many attractions to buying these outfits, from fulfilling fantasies and feeding fetishes to sporting a sexy alternative at your next lingerie party, everyone is sure to find what they need on this website! Forget about saving your dress up days for the one day of the year everyone else does it; be bold and spice things up now!

Leather lingerie may be an item of clothing you have never considered buying as the two items just don’t seem to go together. Well times have certainly changed and you can buy virtually anything made out of the sexy, durable and exquisitely soft material that you can find in more conventional cotton, rayon, spandex fabric items of intimate apparel. More and more women are discovering that women’s underwear is a fashion statement that allows so much variety and personal touches that exploring different looks is part of the fun of wearing naughty underwear.

Most people equate leather with outerwear like a skirt, jacket, shoes and boots as these items have been available for many years in the marketplace. Many people associate it with motorcycles, high fashion, gloves, bikers, bad guys and girls. These beliefs have been reinforced by Hollywood and the films we watch. Whatever your thoughts concerning it are, most would agree it is not usually considered when one thinks of panties, bras and baby dolls. If you want to buy something most every other woman owns then conventional lingerie is always a good buy for a lot of reasons. But unusual things have a mystique about them and it says something about the person that dares to wear unique and one of a kind items.

If you own a leather jacket it is likely a prized possession due to its cost, wear ability, durability and even its smell. Yes, smell, as animal skins are a natural product it has an odor acquired in processing and I think the smell is unique and pleasant. Sure it is edgy as many would suggest that the biker girls wear it not good girls and this edge is a great selling point. What we wear says something about us and however subtle it may be our choice of sexy underwear is sending a message. Just as many people would agree that granny panties are not very sexy we tend to buy things based upon our perceptions of what it says about you and how you want to be perceived.

So why would a woman wear leather lingerie as lingerie is worn in and around intimate areas and perhaps you have never thought of wearing it instead of cotton, nylon and spandex. No one else does it or so it seems. The truth is leather lingerie is very popular and not just with the two wheel enthusiasts although they do have insight into the qualities of leather that others may not. As an animal skin it is soft, supple and it breathes and if cared for properly can last virtually forever. Leather conveys an earthy, dangerous element and what better for lingerie? This unconventional element is one of its greatest selling points if you want to blaze your own trail and be a fashion leader not a fashion follower.

Leather can be cleaned just like every other garment and thus cleanliness is not a problem but there are a couple of things to remember when working with this material. It will shrink up a bit when wet and it may be necessary to stretch the fabric to return it to its natural condition. It is also important to condition the garment regularly as the natural oils will dry out over time. Conditioning the garment with a good quality cleaner/conditioner will maintain its condition for a longer period of time. A soft cloth, warm water and a little soft soap and you are good to go.

Leather lingerie is not supposed to be exactly like that baby doll, teddy or bra and panty set you think of when you consider buying intimate apparel. It has a fetish look and feel to it as it has evolved from functional outerwear into sensual women’s underwear. It looks and feels substantial yet soft to the touch, dark yet somewhat elegant. Nothing looks and feels quite like leather as it is a natural material made from with the hides of sheep or cows. Cow hide is more durable while sheep skin is softer but tends to not last as long. Favored by the fetish, bondage market it is hugely popular as harnesses, teddies along with bras and matching panties. You will often see it portrayed in the media with those who enjoy bondage, bondage, discipline, sado – masochism and the darker aspects of sensuality and sexual play. It is hard to imagine a dominatrix without her vinyl or leather accessories including stiletto high heels and a whip. This association is embedded in the mystique that surrounds leather products and is truly a standard for the buyer looking for the right look.

You may be wondering why on earth a woman would choose a steel male chastity device for her husband. It's very simple. She is a smart woman!

The truth is that without male chastity, most marriages are doomed. I firmly believe that we would see divorce rates decline dramatically if all married men submitted to the male chastity lifestyle. The reason is that while women in general have lots of sexual self-control, men do not.

The only time a man is fully committed to a woman is when he's unsure if she is sexually available to him. That's why men are always romantic and highly sexual at the start of a relationship, but often become lazy and initiate sex less once they are married. To put it simply: To want you, he has to be denied.

Beyond that, once they are comfortable with a relationship men often kill their libido by masturbating in secret. Most do this at least once a day; some as many as four or five times a day. Obviously all that sexual energy should be directed at their partner. But, instead it often goes down the shower drain.

Male chastity is the solution because it takes away their sense of control. They no longer feel you are always sexually available to them. They realize they now have to "win" you if they want the chance to make love. And, they can no longer waste time, energy and their libidos masturbating. In short, male chastity turns them from little boys into full-grown men who take care of their women.

Now, when you decide to embrace the male chastity lifestyle, you will have to make a choice – do you want to purchase a plastic or steel male chastity device?

In general, I believe that the steel devices are far superior. They are impossible for him to get out of, and they make his beautiful enslavement seem more "real" than a plastic one that he could break out of with a pair of garden shears.

But, then you have to make another choice – do you want a steel male chastity cage, or a steel male chastity tube? The difference is striking, and there are pros and cons to both types of steel male chastity devices.

A steel male chastity cage is made of fine mesh that surrounds his penis and testicles. The advantage to this is that it allows him to wash his jewels in the shower. This is important because when he is locked in a male steel chastity cage, he will be prone to chafing and infection if he does not wash his privates regularly.

The downside is that the warm water making contact may provide him with more sexual stimulation than you are comfortable with granting him. It gives him an illusion of some sexual freedom.

That's why many couples choose a steel male chastity tube instead. This is a sheaf that covers his entire penis, leaving just enough room at the tip for him to be able to sit down and pee.

This way he can't get any sexual stimulation at all. The downside to this is that you will have to take him out of the tube every few days and wash him yourself. You can't simply unlock him and tell him to wash himself in the shower, because he'll use this time to masturbate – something you should never, ever allow!

My recommendation is to go with the tube because of the added security; but I can certainly understand that some women will not want the sensitive task of washing "willy" themselves.

The choice is yours.

Hi. My name is Mistress Sara, and I am the author of Beautiful Enslavement, a comprehensive male chastity guide for modern couples. Over the years I’ve helped dozens of couples incorporate male chastity and male chastity belt devices into their marriage. I’ve done so because this lifestyle has proven to be the right choice for most couples – particularly if they are having problems in their relationship.

My feeling is that most relationship problems develop because the male partner has no self-control. This means that even though he wants to stay committed to you, he will waste his time and energy masturbating – sometimes as much as 10 times a week. This means less intimacy for his wife, and his own personal embarrassment at behaving like a little boy instead of a grown man.

This creates a dynamic where the wife begins to resent her husband, and the husband starts to take her for granted and blames her for his own lack of self-control. Male chastity fixes this problem. By making it impossible for him to masturbate or have an affair, intimacy and honesty are brought back into the marriage.

Many people are curious about the male chastity lifestyle, but are put off at first because they don’t understand exactly how it works. Therefore, I’d like to take some time to go over the basics of male chastity. Obviously I can’t cover everything here; but this should give you enough information for you to decide if you want to learn more about how this wonderful lifestyle can improve your marriage.

When you enter into male chastity, you’ll have to purchase a male chastity cage or tube for your husband. This will prevent him from being able to get an erection or achieve orgasm. He will also have to sit down to urinate.

Then, he will be required to earn the right to have you unlock him when you feel that he deserves masculine release. During the period that he is wearing the belt, he will have to do things to please you in order to earn this right.

In other words, he’ll have to find ways to satisfy you sexually – without his penis. This can lead to hours of oral sex and multiple orgasms for you. He’ll also have to help out more around the house and become more romantic.

He’ll gladly agree to all of this because what men want most on this earth is the right to orgasm. Initially you will probably only have him locked up for a few days at a time. Later you’ll have him locked up for a week or more.

Eventually, the ideal situation is that he achieves 12 or less orgasms a year – meaning you’ll let him out to play once every four to six weeks.

This will stop his masturbation habit, keep him from looking at porn and ensure that he remains faithful to you. But, he will benefit as well. He will be constantly turned on and when you do let him out, he’ll have the best orgasms of his life.

You, on the other hand, will feel like princess. Remember how you felt during your initial courtship? That’s the man who will suddenly come back into your life.

Of course, it will take effort on your part. It’s not simply a matter of locking him up. You’ll have to be very affectionate with him so that he feels loved and wanted. You’ll need to praise him when he does a good job. And, you’ll probably have to clean the family jewels for him – otherwise, he’d take that chance of freedom to masturbate.

But all this effort will be worth it when you see the direct benefits to your marriage and over time, your husband will be delighted that you took the active role to keep him under lock and key.

Everyone has a turn on, and if you don’t know what yours is, you may be missing out. Telling someone else about your sexual fetish can be challenging, but will also bring you extreme relief once you are able to share it! Disclosing a secret fetish needs trust, comfort and a huge amount of intimacy to be able to talk about it, much more make it a reality. There are the common fetishes, such as leather, bondage, role play and latex. Latex clothing would be a stimulating attraction to people wearing this kind of material. The shiny, rubbery fabric is such a turn on for those who get their eyes on the shiny clothes.

The tightly clad nature of latex material and the form fitting is very attractive for those who laid their eyes on them. The idea of having someone covered up in this skin tight material can truly arouse the senses. The thought of the fabric being so close to the skin without even having to take it off makes this a favorite among adults and sensual couples.

It’s difficult to determine when the latex fetish started to take a hold of the sexual entertainment industry. History books would tell us that those who had a love latex even before it was invented were probably turned on by shiny pieces of leather. When it started to be a lot more popular in the 1940s, people have found themselves using it for adult sex entertainment and sexual costumes. This continued on towards the 60s and the 70s, where it was already being sold in sex stores. Films already started to portray women in latex, and this is how it got associated to its provocative and sensual appeal.

You can most likely expect to see the latex fetish simulated in today’s red carpet or music videos apart from their typical use in porn films. The latex clothing is quite easy to perform in movies, and it does not really require the actor or actress to do something out of the ordinary. Have you ever tried walking into an adult sex shop? The latex material is practically being used in most of their products. Tubes, harnesses, dildos and vibrators of every kind can be found with this material. The S and M as well as the dominatrix costumes are typically made of this shiny fabric. Studies have also shown that people who love to wear latex clothing are also drawn to bondage, leather and BDSM.

A lot of these materials are being sold in sex shops, but if you’re feeling a little shy about your love for the shiny material, you can choose to order them online. There are a lot of colors, styles and designs to choose from, but the most common ones would be those in red and black.

Aside from porn movies, attracting those with a latex fetish is being used to develop a character in the film. A lot of filmmakers like to use latex because it’s very sexy and it enhances the look of the actors. This becomes a great costume not only for the bedroom, but also for the movies. In fact, you will also get to see a lot of this material even on action films and YouTube videos. The idea of being able to use this material on the more innocent websites can be enough to drive those with a latex fetish wild.

Ruined orgasms are perhaps the worst thing that can happen to a man kept in strict chastity and orgasm denial.

First, let’s see what one is. A ruined orgasm is where you bring your lover right to the point of no return… and then you stop all stimulation so his orgasm proceeds but in isolation from any touch or other stimulation.

I know, it doesn’t sound too bad, does it?

I mean, an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm, right?

Wrong.

I know from the ruined orgasms I’ve given my husband, John, they are worse than no orgasm at all. Just let that sink in for a moment, because I realize it’s completely counterintuitive.

Why give your man a ruined orgasm?

Well, there are several reasons.

The first is as a kind of punishment. I’m not really into the dominatrix thing, but sometimes if you want to make a point, giving a ruined orgasm is a good way to do it.

I think it’s so powerful because at the moment he feels that point of no return being crossed he’s thinking, “oh God yes… I’m cumming, I’m cumming!“… but then you STOP before the first actual contraction he feels… and of course, he’s not really cumming at all after that, is he?

The second reason to do it is a utilitarian one: emptying his prostate without going to the bother of milking him internally or externally, and without giving him a full orgasm.

There’s no compelling medical evidence to suggest milking is definitely necessary for prostate health, but it doesn’t do any harm to empty it from time to time, and you don’t have to break the “no orgasm” rule to do it.

And a third reason is… just because you can. Believe it or not, a ruined orgasm leaves your man feeling even more frustrated than he was before. Strange but true. So, really, it’s just another tool in your “tease and denial” toolbox.

A great twist on this is if you’re into cuckolding. Tie your husband to a chair where he can watch you and your lover in action, and then, when you’ve had your fill of your hot lover and are dripping wet with his cum sit in your husband’s lap and let him enter you.

Barely rocking your hips, ask him how much he enjoyed seeing you making love with your lover, and ask him if he wants to cum in you as your lover has just done.

He’s bound to say yes… and just as he reaches that point… simply get off him and you and your lover can enjoy watching your husband squirm and moan with frustration as he suffers his ruined orgasm. The presence of your lover watching this makes it all the more torturous for your husband.

Warning: any time you plan to give your man a ruined orgasm, you MUST restrain his hands. If you don’t, then with the best will in the word, he won’t be able to stop himself from “finishing off“.

The effect really is that powerful.

As always, before you play this or any other sexy game, inform yourself so you both know what to expect.

Media coverage is extremely important when it comes to the image the world has about any group in society. It may even be decisive. And as for any other group, this is true for the erotic power exchange world as well. Since erotic power exchange is attracting more interest in society, it is only logical the phenomena gets increased media coverage. In addition, the current trend – especially in audiovisual media – to try and cover more eroticism in general contributes extra to this trend.

Journalists trying to cover the subject are faced with various difficulties and complications – the most important being the complexity of the subject as well as the difficulty to find people who feel comfortable with talking about their most intimate emotions in mass media. Next to that, to an outsider it is not easy to understand the cultural differences within the group and the subject takes up quite a bit of research and / or pre-production time as well as space or air time to cover it in a more serious way.

"The scene" does not exist

Despite what general opinion would like people to believe, there is no such thing as "an EPE (or BDSM) scene". Instead there are different cultures, different sexual preferences and most of all individuals and couples practicing or just fantasizing about power dynamics in an erotic setting. One of the main difficulties is that – as a result of the very individual determination of sexual behavior in general and with that erotic power exchange – it is extremely hard, if not entirely impossible to find common denominators. Hence talking to one or two people will only sketch THEIR views. These may be significantly different from others and are most certainly not THE views or opinions.

First of all, there are very distinct differences in culture, based on sexual preference. Homosexual EPE is very different in many aspects from its heterosexual equivalent. Homosexual men are – in their EPE-emotions – very different from homosexual women and within the heterosexual world the first main difference should be made between the Maledom / femsub (dominant man / submissive woman) and the Femdom (me) / malesub (dominant woman / submissive man) cultures. When concentrating on the heterosexual "world" only, one of the major differences is the fact that the Femdom (me) culture is dominated by women, who have made a profession out of their nature; a phenomena that is almost non-existent in the Maledom / femsub culture (although there are professional submissive women and -albeit extremely few – professional dominant men).

Most of the literature available is about homosexual erotic power exchange, where power dynamics are different, the culture is much outward oriented and – although this a dangerous generalization – generally speaking, more rough. In addition, there are many technical differences between homosexual and heterosexual EPE. Another very important consideration is that sexuality between members of the same sex is entirely different from sexuality between members of the opposite sex. Beyond these major variances, there are many other heterosexual-specific concerns, such as the fact that a heterosexual couple will usually be confronted with having to raise children. It is, therefore, impossible to rely on available literature when it comes to form an undistorted opinion on heterosexual erotic power exchange.

The image of erotic power exchange is, to a large extent, generated by both pornography on one end and one-sided, dysfunction-oriented clinical and scientific research. Hence the picture the media paint – for understandable reasons – is a picture very few erotic power exchange people would recognize. One of the main reasons for this sullied view of EPE is the fact that it is difficult for media to get people to talk about their emotions. The majority of people interviewed – since they are usually the only ones available – are people who are commercially active in the erotic power exchange world – predominantly dominatrixes. These people usually and again understandable, have a one-sided image. Professional EPE-activity is a commercial enterprise with the aim to make profit, not to express the person's own feelings towards a partner. Since the vast majority of EPE-professionals are dominatrixes, they will attract a very specific type of person, in particular submissive men. Very few of the clients a professional dominatrix has, have an active erotic power exchange relationship with their partner. And, the professionals interviewed have an entirely different agenda. Their motive is not to give unprejudiced information about their subject. Their first objective is to attract (more) clients and the immediate second motive is to make sure they stand out from their colleagues.

A picture based on alternate motives

Unfortunately, the EPE image is predominantly influenced by several elements all of which have ulterior motives. Non of them have had or currently have the objective to communicate unprejudiced information. Let's make an interesting list of the four most influential factors on the image of erotic power exchange:

Science

The majority of scientific publications on the subject originate from the psychological / psychiatric field. None of these publications deals with the power exchange between healthy, well-adjusted people, capable to make safe, sane, consensual, well-informed and conscious decisions. Instead, all these publications deal with people seeking help (usually from the author) and have been written primarily to advocate either one specific opinion or one specific treatment by one specific therapist. Unfortunately, there is no broad, large scale research available on the phenomena of EPE. It is estimated that as much as 30 percent of the adult population has erotic power exchange fantasies and is (potentially) active in this area. The largest group that has ever been the subject of research is a group from approximately two hundred people from one country. This can hardly be called representative for the world-wide group, hence all conclusions should not be projected on the entire population. Unfortunately, this happens all too frequently.

Furthermore, much of the available scientific research available and quoted, is extremely outdated. This is especially true for politicians, legislators and lawyers in many countries, who will go back and cite research that is at least thirty or forty years old. Whereas no court or scientific body in the world would accept other (semi) medical data that old as a basis for judgment, when it comes to erotic power exchange this is still generally accepted.

Pornography and pseudo-experts

These two groups are mentioned in one header deliberately because pseudo-experts predominantly style themselves on the pictures painted by pornography, sometimes cleverly validating themselves and their views by misquoting scientists. Both pornography and pseudo-experts have only one objective: to sell as many books, articles, magazines or videos and CD's as they possibly can. Erotic power exchange-related pornography is mainly sold to people who are NOT active in erotic power exchange. Much of what is sold is – unfortunately – quite often mistaken for information, especially by people who are new to the subject. The picture painted is not meant to give information, but instead, is meant to indulge fantasy. In these situations fantasy does not have to become reality, and when it comes to erotic power exchange, hardly ever does fully.

Media

Without making any judgments here, the media plays an important role in the image-building. Next to the difficulties sketched above – the fact that it is indeed extremely difficult to depict a clear image of EPE and the unintentional effect of dominatrixes – it is obvious that excess-oriented journalism does not help and, again, does not have the objective of communicating factual and independent information, but has the objective of selling copy as well as entertaining.

The "community" itself

Even though the various support groups put a lot of effort in trying to inform and educate, their efforts reflect the average lack of experience in mass communication as well as the variety of opinions that even the EPE community itself holds. None of the support groups, not even larger national groups like the USA National Leather Association, have any critical sway in the EPE community, compared to the number of people interested in the subject. This is again the result of both the variety of opinions held as well as the different cultures. Individual subgroups are only just finding out they have a different identity from other like-minded people. This is new and somewhat disturbing to many and it is difficult for groups as well as individuals to find and identify with a "new" identity.

These support groups are small. They do not have one-tenth of the budget, that scientists and especially pornography producers can use. There for it is a very uneven battle, trying to fight the misinformation with little more than a personal computer and a xerox-machine, when resources in the pornography industry are huge.

Finally, there are the well meant efforts of individuals, especially on the Internet, to try and build personal home pages that provide "information". Such information is usually highly individual (and as such useful for identification purposes) and of little or no relevance for a more general informational approach.The bottom line is that the information / misinformation ratio is about 10:90. It is no wonder the image the outside world has is the wrong image; an image that has very little to do with the day-to-day practice of erotic power exchange.