The power of attraction is still to this day, in spite of all our technical advances in computers, mobile phones and satellite teletronomy, a mystical science. And yet, the principle of a mobile phone is identical to the power of attraction in a human mind. We are receiving and transmitting devices, they are located in our head. If things are not going the way you want, it’s because you’re attracting it. If things are going the way you want it’s because you are attracting it.
Nobody treats you better than you treat yourself. If you are not honouring, respecting, valuing, being kind to, generous to, compassionate for or thankful for yourself, no one else will.
If you are attracting dark clouds in the form of an ex partner being mean, a boss being aggressive, or kids going mad around you, look inside. How you treat yourself on the outside of ourselves can reflect what is going on inside, or, it can be the opposite.
For example you might stuff your face with food thinking that this is being kind to yourself but really, you are self abusing. Feeding on the outside – shutting down on the inside.
So, it’s better to work from the inside out. Start with a feeling of self acceptance on the inside: “I am who I am and worthy of love for it” that’s a big step in most people’s lives.
Then move to the Innerwealth four… kindness, compassion, generosity and thankfulness for yourself on the inside… in other words stop pushing yourself, wanting to change yourself, wishing you were different. That generosity toward yourself on the inside comes in many forms and is trickier than you think.
For example, that person on the inside might be a least competitive, dumbest in business, incompetent in relationship, shy, introverted and most mischievous 3 year old child. Do you like that part of you?
Sometimes this inner child, or human spirit as it is called, sabotages things you want. For example you might be running a marathon and think that the inner child is holding you back or not “manning up” for the race and that’s where you might need some therapy…
The human spirit is not obsessed with outcomes, only the process is interesting to the human spirit. If you run a race without your inner child, human spirit, you may get to the end, but along the way you will have discarded yourself, (that part of yourself) disrespected yourself, and surprisingly, your antenna, or inbuilt mobile phone has signalled it to ex wives, ex husbands and that’s what you attract. Disrespect and discard…
Another example might be skipping your ME time in the morning because there are other priorities. Say you are getting the kids to school or making breakfast for your partner, so you don’t do your self respecting practice in the morning, you sleep in, skip it. Then two days later you feel like crap and think you’ve just done something wrong. But really the transmitted waves have been looking for a place to land for 24 hours… always look back over the last three days to see what has triggered stuff that’s happening in this day.
That’s the danger of living in the moment. You act for this moment and expect the results in this moment. But I’ve found it’s better to act for the future.
If you want your partner to be horny for you next week, do something this week, delay your need for gratification from what you do, and open your arms to receive it in a few days. I promise you’ll get double what you expected in the moment.
Sometimes in consults with clients I say things they don’t like. I have a habit of being a bit too real for some people’s sensitivity. They curse me and walk off angry. Now, I have two choices: first, go after them and apologise and the second is to get judgemental and say to myself “I spoke honestly, they’ll come around sometime when they are ready.”
I chose the second option.
In my experience if I choose the first option, and react to their emotional games, and apologise for speaking the truth, I end up beating myself up for speaking from my heart. That’s not going to attract good things is it?
I remember once feeling life I hurt someone badly in a relationship. On the surface I said I didn’t hurt them because they were really acting bad, but there was residual guilt and it made me feel responsible for all pain I saw people have in my presence.
So in that relationship, they became really abusive and I became really guilty. Suddenly my whole world went crappy. My business life, my finances, my friendships, my health went sour.
My guilt was self abusive so I attracted abuse.
I went into retreat for three weeks sitting in Zen trying to deal with it. But all I achieved was to sit on my guilt and try to become someone different. That didn’t work. Not at least, until the last day, when, after trying to over ride the guilt, I suddenly felt compassion and kindness toward a deeper part of me.
Man, I cried tears out my arse. I cried and cried and cried. I’d been speaking the speak, walking the walk of “nice guy” and “Mr Guilt” but deep inside, I’d been taking the blame right to my core, my inner child, my spirit.
I suddenly saw that this inner part, this inner child, this spirit is not good or bad, it just is.
It chooses paths without logic, directions without rationality. It stays in relationships with health and leaves. It doesn’t cause pain, how people react causes their pain.
Now I had the capacity to delay gratification. I could speak truth in this moment, have it rejected in this moment, not take it on board, be kind to myself, and wait for that kindness to echo back and it does.
Sometimes people are angry with me for 15 years after a consult. They get really pissed and blame me for everything that goes wrong in their life. I don’t take it on board, nor do I accept their dumping but I don’t need to reject it either. As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
As long as I don’t react, it has no impact.
Understanding the dynamics of life.
Love happens at the border of support and challenge.
The more support – the more challenge.
If a person is getting it easy at work and in life, they’ll cop it tough at home.
Nature guarantees it.
From the outside we may look at someone’s life and see the challenge and feel sorry for them, but, what would be more healthy is to see the support as well as the challenge. Not one single person on earth has it different.
Some people have small support in their relationship but get it big time in their job so you see their relationship being really tough. Overall however, they are balanced.
Where we choose our challenge, now that’s changeable.
To change the challenge from our relationship to another space we need to:
- Get honest that we’re in the wrong job and on cruise mode.
- Admit that nobody beats us up more than we do to ourselves
- Accept that our partner is probably right at least in a piece of their ideas
- Not change our behaviour in our relationship…
I am only going to deal with the last one at length:
If things are going bad in our relationship we should not modify our behaviour. That model leads to lies, secrets and pretence. The result of which is resentment.
What we can change however, is our intent.
What does that mean?
Whatever baggage we are carrying around about a past experience, a fear, guilt, resentment, judgement, anger, frustration, incomplete, reaction, question or devastation, affects our intention.
The ability to trust another person, to love, to be positive or complimentary, to accept, to have compassion, kindness, generosity and appreciation for another person is governed by our baggage and reflected in our intent.
The ability to have the Innerwealth Four: Gratitude, Presence, Certainty and Love is impacted by our baggage and is reflected in our intent.
So, GYAT is the Innerwealth process for changing your intent… (GYAT – Getting Your Act Together)
GYAT is how you deeply change your intent.
Your intent changes your behaviour, not for the purpose of placating an angry or vindictive, manipulative or unhappy partner. It changes your behaviour from a sustainable authentic place.
