Divorce is almost always an extremely difficult time, with some even likening it to having a death in the family. But unlike death, divorce isn’t a permanent situation, but rather a temporary upheaval that can, and will eventually come to an end, but how soon it ends is actually in the hands of the divorcing couple.

While dealing with the court system may be a painstakingly slow process at times, it doesn’t always have to be that way when it comes to getting a divorce and deciding on all of the related minor and major details. For couples interested in finding fair solutions to their problems but who don’t want to waste months of time and thousands of dollars litigating in court, mediation is certainly worth taking a closer look at.

Choosing a Mediator

Your local bar association will have information as well as listings of trained mediators in your area who may be attorneys, social workers and therapists, as well as accountants and financial planners by profession. Some of the questions you’ll want to be sure to ask potential mediators include how much experience they have with divorce mediation and matters of family law, what type of specialized training they may have, and if they’re well versed in the current laws in your particular state.

You may also want to inquire as to whether or not you and your spouse will be expected to attend mediation together or if you’re permitted to attend separately, and what the general guidelines are or the specific techniques, if any, that will be used by the mediator. Keep in mind that while face-to-face confrontations may be daunting for many who are facing divorce, mediators are trained to make things happen as smoothly as possible, and also with as little animosity as possible, as opposed to the usually highly adversarial litigation process.

What to Expect from the Mediation Process

While each mediator has their own personal style and way of doing things, in general, the mediation process will begin with the mediator explaining in brief what to expect, and what will also be expected of you and your spouse. Court appearances won’t be necessary if both spouses are able to come to agreements regarding all of their issues with the guidance and direction of the mediator.

Although mediators aren’t meant to serve as counselors, but instead, act as an unbiased party who is knowledgeable about the law as it relates to divorce, and also help to calculate and settle matters of alimony and child support payments. For couples with children who are having difficulties agreeing on important issues like co-parenting, trained mediators are able to offer real solutions that keep the best interest of the child at the forefront and find viable ways of working around two careers and two separate households.

Divorce mediation, unlike litigating, allows both spouses the opportunity to present their thoughts and ideas, and to come to solutions together instead of leaving the ultimate decisions to a judge, and spending months in court in the process. Mediation is also completely voluntary, and both parties have the opportunity to opt for litigation at any time, making the process even more empowering and less adversarial.