“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear..”
– Nelson Mandela
(1981-2013) South African Statesman
The tenth point of the Boy Scout Law is: “A Scout is Brave. The Boy Scout Handbook defines this principle this way: A Scout faces danger even if he is afraid.” Fear is a changing thing. There are things that scared us as children that do not as adults. For those who have done things like sky diving, mountain climbing and the like will experience less fear than those who have never done such things. However, there is a fear that never leaves us and can paralyze us every time we face it. A fear that has broken the strongest men and women and made cowards of many. This is the fear of rejection.
Many say, “I don’t care what people think.” But the fact is, we all do care and care deeply. There is a desire in the human condition that makes us want to belong; to be accepted by others. This desire to be a part has lead many, good and honest people astray and caused them to do things that they know are wrong. The greatest weapon of evil in this world is the fact that they can intimidate people into going along or at least keep them from standing against what is going on.
I see this at work so strongly in young people who want so badly to be accepted by their friends. This by the way is not a new problem that young people face. It has been going on since the beginning of time. The ploy, “What’s the matter? Are you afraid?” rings throughout history. History will also show you that those who give in to the pressure of belonging are never remembered for their “courage”. It is those who were brave enough to stand for what they know is right that have made a difference in this world and are remembered to this day.
I would like to talk with you about what it really means to be brave and the misunderstanding of true courage verses going along with the crowd. This is not a lesson just for Scouts or that only young people must follow. Adults of all ages face this very problem every day; in fact, they are in need of understanding more than the young.
#1. Wisdom Is Not fear
“Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.” said novelist, Franz Kafka. I believe that we all know what is right and what is wrong. You do not have to learn this principle, it is there in your DNA. Do not be taken in by foolish people who try and convince you that what is “right” for one person is not necessarily “right” for another. They say we all have different definitions of right and wrong. That is pure foolishness. There are few things in life that are solid and never change. Facts that are facts and no matter what some may think, they will remain facts for all eternity. Some of these are: Truth is truth and a lie is a lie. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Good is good and evil is evil.
When a person commits a terrible crime and chooses to plead insanity for their reason for committing the crime, the one fact they must prove is that at the time of the crime the person did not know right from wrong. That is because if they did know right from wrong they are guilty. It is not what they think is right from wrong but what IS right from wrong.
Wisdom is the ability to know right from wrong; good from evil and to always do what is right and good. It does not matter what the crowd says, what a friend says, what the government says, or how you feel at the time; a wise person will always do what is right and good. That sound simple, however it takes real courage to stand alone and do what is right. It is a brave person who will risk rejection and walk away before they compromise their character and do something foolish.
#2. Going Along Is Not Courage
I was told of an incident that happened to a Scout I know (he was the one who told this to me). He was at the mall with some friends from school. They all decided they would prove their courage by stealing something from one of the stores. When asked what he would steal, the Scout said, “Nothing. I’m not doing that.” “What’s wrong, are you afraid you will get caught?” was the response from one of the boys. “I’m not afraid,” the scout said, “I’m also not stupid.” and he walked away. He was soon followed by the other boys who decided that it was better to say no than to be stupid.
Brave people have learned that there is one word that has more power than any other they can use when faced with a choice between right and wrong. That word is “NO”. When we say no to a choice then it is settled. Things like “maybe”, “I don’t know” or “I have to think about it” all leave the door open to making the wrong choice. When we just say no we close that door and that is the end of the discussion.
There is no courage or virtue in doing anything wrong. No matter what the excuse or motive, to do what is wrong is never right. One of the great things about making a right choice is that it never needs an excuse. You do not have to explain or reason a right choice. You do it because it is the right thing to do.
#3. Standing Alone
It is easy to decide to do the right thing when you are challenged by strangers or people who mean little to you. It is quite another if those who are challenging you to do wrong are your friends. The fact is, you will be asked to compromise your principles more by your friends than by your enemies. It is the challenge of letting your friends down or being rejected by them that will cause many to do what they know is the wrong thing to do. Author and creator of the Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling said, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.”
One of the things we all must remember is that just as our friends may sometimes try to influence us to do wrong, we can equally influence them to do right. We all make stupid decisions at times. Your friends may just be reacting to the moment, dealing with their own feelings or simply making a bad choice. You can help them to make a better choice and be the example of character. However, if your friends are purposely our to do wrong and this is what they have a habit of doing, you best look for new friends. Yes, you may care for them and see them as your friends, however, part of making a good choice is to be able to choose those who bring you up, not down in life.
George Washington, our first President, had it right when he said, “It is better to be alone than in bad company.” Here is a hard truth: When it comes to “bad company”, they will bring you down to their level faster than you will bring them up to yours. I have known many good people, who have decided to stay with negative and bad behaving friends with the intention that they would influence them to be better people. It never works. The good person will compromise or become very frustrated before any one of their friends even thinks of changing. Sometimes the best example we can set for our friends is to walk away from them.
#4. Being Right Is Better Than Being Accepted
Here is a fact: Success-minded people who have a firm hold on what is good, right and truthful are happier, more positive and live a better life than those who do not. When we make the right choice we have a sense of confidence and fulfillment. There is no guilt, worry and fear that comes with making bad choices. Look at the lives of those who choose to do right and you will see they are happier than most.
Doing what is right is a decision that we make. Once made, we do not have to make it again, we just have to stand by it. Former President, Abraham Lincoln put it this way, “I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.”
We all want to be accepted by those we respect and care about. Being accepted is not a bad thing or something we should avoid. It is a human need and part of who we are. The question is never about being accepted but about having the character to do what is right, even if that means being rejected by some. Believe me, you will find more acceptance in doing what is right than you ever will by doing what is wrong.
#5. Wrong Has Consequences / Right Has rewards
A common problem with people who make bad choices is that they do not think about the consequences of their choice. All action has a consequence. Always! That can be good or bad, but it is the result of our actions. Many times, especially with young people, they look at the excitement and danger involved in their choice. They see it as fun or even worse, nothing important. They do not stop to think about the consequences of getting caught – and they always get caught. Of course, if a person is foolish enough to make a bad choice, they are foolish enough to think they will get away with it.
Our jails are full of people who made bad choices thinking that they were smarted than the law. Even worse than thinking you can get away with doing things wrong, is not thinking at all. It is an old story of the person who is facing jail or a fine for doing something wrong and their response was, “I just wasn’t thinking.” Sadly, by the time we discover we were not thinking it is too late to change our minds.
Beside the punishment that comes with making bad choices is the inner punishment. Guilt, regret and sorrow are hard task masters. They do not go away and will eat at you like a cancer. Yes, some have hardened their spirits enough that they are use to feeling bad and it doesn’t seem to stop them. But look at their lives and ask yourself, “Do I really think this is what I was created for?”
On the other side, right choices also have consequences; they are called rewards. Sometimes it is the advancement that comes from a productive and good life. More importantly however is the greatest of all rewards, inner peace. The person who can live without fear, guilt and remorse is a free person indeed. Nothing can replace that feeling.
The simple truth is that it is all up to you. You are the one – the only one – who decides if you will make right or wrong choices. The power of choice is the greatest power in the universe and it all belongs to you. And as the old Knight said to Indiana Jones, “Choose wisely.”
