For one reason or the other many of us think that we should be able to get a great boyfriend all on our own steam – that is without any external help. We think that we are either pretty enough or should know what it takes to do so; this is what my friend Kayode calls “illusion of knowledge”. We think we know, but we actually don’t.

To compound this, we dread asking for help because we are embarrassed, or think we would look silly and desperate. Nothing could be further from the truth. Unfortunately unlike animals we do not instinctively know how to relate romantically to the opposite sex. Even if we do have some short term success it’s still important to learn as much as we can.

An African friend of mine told me about the Ibibios tribe in Nigeria. After a girl is initiated into womanhood, they actually go through a yearlong mentoring process of all things related to romance and relationship; that include everything from sex, domestic duties and relating to men. We need to take a leaf from their book. How do we actually go about learning how to attract, secure and develop a happy relationship with high quality men?

1.       Read. Many books have been written about the subject. Some are really trash, others really remarkable. Here are some that you may want to look up

a.      How to succeed with men – David Copeland

b.      Soulmate relationships – Ulli Springnet

c.      Conscious dating – David Steele

d.      Why men love bitches (not the best title but the content it excellent)

e.      Love dating and marriage (can’t remember the author)

2.       Attend seminars, workshops and meetings. While these can be expensive usually you will get cutting edge information and meet many other like-minded people who can form a support network for you.

3.       Talk to men. Form relationship with men of all ages, colour and race. You will directly and indirectly learn so much about men that you will not only be able to understand them, but also empathise with them. This type of empathy will naturally attract men as they all love to be around women who understand them.

4.       Learn from the pros. Get a friends who seem to be natural at attracting people of the opposite sex. Become something of an apprentice. Look and learn from how they operate and move. You do not have to copy everything but they do have something that you can learn from. In fact just being around them may even improve your status since people will naturally assume that you are just as good as them. (There are some positive things to learn from Casanova).