One of the secrets to advertising success is to Get More Prospects To Respect Your Value. Isn’t it a pain when people don’t respect the price you charge? Well, it will also be painful to hear that it’s your fault! That’s right. If your customers are “shopping around” you haven’t convinced them of your value. And while respect is related to trust they are not the same thing at all.

Even if people trust you, that doesn’t mean they respect the value of what you are offering. It’s your job to educate them if you want to make the sale.

Here’s 3 sure ways to get that job done.

1. Provide evidence

Use testimonials and case studies to explain the immense value your customers will receive. This evidence will build value faster than anything else.

You’re probably already using both testimonials and case studies to develop trust but they are just as indispensable to build value. Here’s one time when multi-tasking is good. Take another look at your “success stories” and make sure they’re working hard to do both jobs.

Make it your mission to gather testimonials. If you ask your clients for testimonials they’ll probably want to write one for you, but most will feel insecure about how to write a good one. So they’ll put if off and it’ll never get done.

Offer to draft it for them and use this simple formula to write their story. “Once I was lost;Now I’m found”. Simply describe the persons situation before they experienced your product or service. Then paint the picture of what changed for them after using your product or service. The more specific and measurable the better. That sort of evidence will definitely raise respect for your value.

2. Dollars for cents copy

Dollars for cents copy helps the reader understand the real value on offer.

Now, everyone loves a bargain. So instead of just selling your product you can create an offer that is packed with bonuses. You can throw in so much value that the bonuses are actually worth more than the selling price. Of course the idea is to give away valuable bonuses that actually cost you very little.

You could do this by including downloadable products that you own or source from someone else who would like some free exposure so will provide a product at no cost to you. Whatever you do, make sure the bonuses are excellent quality and relevant to your product offer. And put a value on them so that by the time you add them all up they should be worth as much or more than the product you are selling.

In essence, the customer feels they are paying you just “cents” but getting “dollars” back in value. It makes the buying decision much easier when they are SURE they are getting a lot more value than what they are paying for. This is one technique you should always strive to use.

3. Have a Unique Selling Proposition (USP)

We’ve all heard of the Unique Selling Proposition but still a lot of small business owners and entrepreneurs struggle to pin down what differentiates them from their competitors.

What is it that makes you queen or king?

What you really want to know is, why is your company or product unique? What about it is so special? You need to answer the following question in a clear and specific way.

“Why should I do business with you over anyone else?”

It’s that simple.

You have to tell people:-

• Why you are the best
• Why you offer them better value than anyone else, and
• Why they should spend money with you, and not somebody else

That’s what a unique selling proposition is. It’s a statement. Sometimes a 3 line statement or just a few words. It’s that one core reason that someone should shop with you.

Use these techniques to have more prospects respect your value and you can literally set your sales soaring.

The colors you wear can make you instantly look slimmer, leaner, healthier and more appealing. Why because:

We react to color before ANYTHING else, and that’s why it’s so important – We react to color on instinct.

Let’s look at how to use color in your dress to project a better image of yourself to all those you meet.

A response on instinct

We act on instinct to color , and through out history our responses to color have helped us survive.

For example, one of our ancient ancestors is hunting in the

Jungle and sees a shape with black stripes prowling around – He doesn’t wait to see the teeth! He immediately sense danger – This is purely the color of the animal that triggers danger

Colors what we associate with them

As society has developed it has reinforced our association with certain colors to trigger a response.

Go into a Hospital or dentists, and you will often see pale green or pale yellow because of their soothing, relaxing impact.

Take a road sign, traffic light or warning notice, see red and you know you probably need to be cautious. All the time we everyday of our lives we react to color.

Color and your image

We can of course use the influence of color to our advantage, to create a positive impression.

Understanding what different colors mean to other people, means you can dress to project different images with the correct choice of color.

Consider this:

Around 60% of clothes sold in western countries are black.

The reason for this is – Black can be used both formally and informally to great effect.

Wearing black formally suggests elegance, strength, authority, power and control – Think what colors the police use for uniforms and what you already associate it with and you get the picture.

If you have to attend a business meeting or any formal event, black is always a safe color. In Western cultures it gets peoples attention and respect.

When worn properly, you can’t go wrong in black. Dark colors are always more effective in formal situations. Dark grey and navy blue also conjure up a similar image

While red is used many people associate it with confrontation, so it’s not a safe choice for business meeting.

Why does red trigger a negative response? Think of signs that warn you of things i.e. a final demand for a bill or a no smoking or any other sign warning you not to do something! – Many people resent red and don’t like it.

There are of course differences between societies in colors they like and don’t like. A good example is red, which is seen as a very positive color by the Chinese.

Colors to make you look slimmer

Generally the darker the color the slimmer you will appear, no wonder black is so popular

The other trick of using color to look slimmer is to make sure that you dress in one color only.

Why? Because you are not bisecting your figure and you are not drawing attention to any of the problem areas of your body.

Colors to enhance your look

For example let’s take someone with a pale complexion. They should not wear many light colors such as yellow and lime green, as this will simply make them look washed out.

Think of hair color as well, or any other feature.

If you are careful in your color selection you can draw attention to your good points and deflect from your bad points.

Other colors

If you want to project a fun image you can use vibrant light colors. In western cultures we present these with fun ( what color are children’s nurseries and colors travel companies use a lot? ) yellow’s orange, blues, greens – All these in our psyche represent having a good time.

Color consultations

Are big business now, as more people than ever are looking to use color to project a better image – Be it they want to look slimmer, emphasize their best features or command respect.

Light the essence of life itself and is reflected in the colors we see – This is why its effect is so dramatic on all of us and why using color is so effective in our dress.

Women are taught very young that if they let men go too far, they will be labeled with a bad reputation. They are cautioned that it is better for men to respect them, instead, because respectful girls are the kind that men choose to marry.

Having a man's respect is important. It adds value to the relationship and to your own self-respect, as well. Here are seven tips on how to make a man respect you.

Self Control
Have you ever seen someone totally out of control, whether due to anger, alcohol, drugs, or emotions? It isn't pretty, is it? No, and men don't think so, either. Have enough self-control to handle yourself and life's lessons. It is okay to drink, but not too much. It is okay to be hurt or angry, but deal with it maturely.

Don't Be a Gossip
Girls talk, everyone knows that. However, we have all known the true gossip, the one that talks about everyone and has no loyalty to anyone. Men defend each other and stick together. If you constantly kiss up to your best friend and then diss her when her back's turned, your man will lose respect for you and the way you treat other people.

Have Skills
Men like to brag on their women to their friends about their skills and talents. They also enjoy reaping some of the rewards of those skills, for instance cooking. Men seeking a mate have been told by their mothers for years to marry a girl who can cook. It comes in handy along with the ability to clean house, do laundry, sew, garden, and so forth.

Handling Finances
Men respect women who can handle money. Men also respect women who have their own money. Have some financial sense, keep money saved up for unforeseen events, have an IRA account, and maybe even start a stock portfolio. He'll be impressed.

Show A Little Kindness
Men admire women are giving to others and not self-centered. By working toward this goal, you'll be a better person. Participate in non-profit organizations, join clubs that help special kids or the elderly, pick up groceries for the elderly you know, adopt a stray animal, or volunteer at the humane society.

Honesty is the Best Policy
Don't start out on the wrong foot in a relationship by being dishonest. Once you've lied to a man and he finds out, it takes him a long time to trust you again, if he ever does. Just as your mom always told you, honesty is the best policy, even if it hurts or causes you shame or difficulty.

Don't Be Too Easy
Men do not respect women who give it up too fast. The first thing they think of is that you are this way with every guy you date. Take it slow, gain his respect. Good sex is worth waiting for, and the longer he desires you without having you, the more valuable the prize and he'll respect you for waiting.

It is natural to feel offended by someone who is disrespectful. There are those who pretend that they are not disturbed and some really are not but they are in the minority. Those affected cover their hurt with self-righteous anger in order to justify lashing out at the culprit (most do not).

People generally do not face down these discourteous persons. It is as if they are afraid to own up to feeling disregarded and overlooked. They therefore guard and nurture the negative feelings engendered by these encounters in order to vent on someone close to them.

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. Dr Albert Schweitzer

WHY THIS LACK OF RESPECT?

From observation and experience, lack of respect results from either an absence of social education; people having a bad day and an innocent bystander becomes a casualty; or the deliberate and utter disregard of another person’s feelings which was developed in childhood.

This last point is particularly pervasive in dysfunctional families and people who migrate from such groups and form families of their own continue to perpetrate this behaviour. I grew up in such a family so I know about it first hand.

DISRESPECT IS ABNORMAL

No matter how you look at it, disrespect is abnormal in any form. I have been guilty of this on occasion and no doubt you have as well. When you go off the rails as people do, you apologise immediately or when you have a firmer grip on your emotions. Anyone who feels they are too “big” to do so shows how small they really are.

I am not saying “be a goody two-shoes”; just act like a responsible adult and treat others the way you want to be treated.

I was full of self-righteous anger for decades from adolescence right into my early forties and I thought apologising belittled me. Happily, I passed that stage and now it is easy to recognise when I am wrong, no matter the circumstances and apologise. How about you?

I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me… All I ask is that you respect me as a human being. Jackie Robinson

COUPLES WHO DISRESPECT EACH OTHER

Couples manifest their disrespect for each other in verbal and non-verbal ways and both are detrimental to the growth and longevity of their relationship. Believe it or not, it is their mutual self-denigration which brought them together. They call it love but Eckhart Tolle says it is their pain body that was mutually attracted to each other.

When you recognise and are attracted to the Presence in another, that is love.

A man who has no respect for women tends to be attracted to and partner with a woman who has a similar lack of respect for herself.

The first duty of love is to listen. Paul Tillich

At the same time she despises the man (men) and the society in which she lives as it dictates that she has no needs and even if she does, they must be relegated to the back of the line until the man’s is satisfied. She is after all just a walking womb, as well as chief cook and bottle washer in the relationship!

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true i.e. women who are financially and thus, emotionally dominant in relationships. I have had the equally unpleasant experience of witnessing a female relative exhibiting the same negative qualities listed below. It is therefore not a rare occurrence!

Thus, 21 ways to recognise lack of respect in a relationship is not gender based.

1. Your discussions are often at cross purposes which opens the way for misunderstandings and arguments.
2. You are visibly impatient with reasons given for an incomplete activity.
3. You ignore your partner’s/relative’s demand for attention/discussion.
4. You are not clear when you want something done.
5. You micro-manage activities.
6. When you observe that a piece of work demanded is not the way you want it, you say nothing until the job is done.
7. You talk down to your partner/relative when providing clarification.
8. You are disdainful or grudgingly accepting of efforts made to please you.
9. You make excuses for not fulfilling your stated responsibility.
10. You blame others for your lack of follow-through.
11. Individuals in this family group overeat to assuage their emotional cravings, or have another addiction for the same purpose.
12. You think of your partner/relative as manual labour and yourself as the “brain”.
13. You are the “heavyweight” in the family and your desires/demands rule.
14. You control the finances in the relationship.
15. You ignore the real financial needs of your partner.
16. You dole out money at your convenience.
17. You feel superior to your partner/relative but will defend them vigorously if anyone trespasses on your “turf”.
18. You discuss your life plans with your partner/relative yet rarely ask for input.
19. You project an air of benevolent indulgence when your partner/relative makes a verbal contribution of any kind.
20. Your discussions usually concern everything other than your life together.
21. Your partner seems to be an appendage in your life.

Make no mistake, all parties are aware of their dysfunctional relationship. They feed off each other’s negative qualities. They both want to have their cake and ice cream without making the slightest effort towards creating a caring, nurturing relationship.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. The Dalai Lama

The only way for these destructive cycles to be short-circuited is for each party to recognise that the problem lies with them, their upbringing and consequent beliefs. Admitting this is the first step to healing.

Meditation and therapy make a good mixture to assist them in coming to terms with who they are as individuals (of worth).

Self-love, compassion for one’s self is key here.

Good relationships are built on mutual respect, and respect is not something anyone automatically gets. You can’t force a man to respect you. His respect is something you earn, just like love is earned.

A man will never truly love a woman he doesn’t respect. Now, this doesn’t mean he won’t date her, or even sleep with her, but is he going to fall deeply and madly in love with her? No way! Love and respect go hand in hand, and making a man respect you is one of the challenges you’ll face in gaining his love and trust.

Love yourself. It may be cliché, but it’s true. No man can love and respect you, if you don’t even have those feelings for yourself. You must have pride in yourself, a sense of real self-worth, and an appreciation for your loveable and respectable qualities. If you don’t, he won’t either.

Know who you are. Be a whole person, with thoughts and feelings, memories and a future, plans and activities all of your own. It’s fine to compromise in a relationship. In fact, it’s necessary at times in order for a relationship to succeed, but losing yourself in someone else is not healthy or respectable. You have to be an individual in order to earn respect.

Have your own thoughts. Agreeing with someone is one thing, provided you actually do agree with them. However, pretending to agree just because you think it will make them happy is another thing altogether. It’s ok to disagree on topics, and to have your own opinions and thoughts. Failing to ever show you’re a rational, thinking person is a sure way to lose a man’s respect.

Don’t suppress yourself. Be who you are, and don’t try to pretend to be something you think a man will find more attractive. Pretending might work for awhile, when you’re first getting to know someone new, especially if you’re a pretty good actress, but eventually, the real you is bound to show through. A man can’t respect you if he doesn’t really know you, and upon finding out you’ve been pretending all along he has no choice but to lose respect for you.

Don’t go overboard. You’ll want to be attractive and appealing to a man, but you shouldn’t take it too far. He may tell you some of the things he finds attractive, like well manicured nails, women in sundresses, or intellectual looking women, with glasses and tightly tied hair. That doesn’t mean you should try to conform to all of those styles. He obviously finds you attractive, or he wouldn’t be dating you.

Don’t think you have to be perfect. Being perfect isn’t attractive or respectable in a real woman, because it’s an unachievable and fake state of being. A man may find the perfect standards of beauty depicted in the swim suit edition of magazines attractive or sexually appealing from a visual standpoint, but no real woman is perfect. Be real. Take pride in your appearance, as that shows you have respect in yourself, but don’t try to achieve some silly standard of perfection.

Enjoy your life. Being happy, even when you aren’t with him, promotes real happiness for you. Build a life for yourself, with your own plans, dreams, friends, and interests. Happiness in your own life makes you a whole person, with a more attractive overall personality and appearance. A happy, secure, and well-rounded woman is respectable. One who can’t be happy unless she’s with a man isn’t.

Ok guys, here’s a good question for you “do you respect your clothes?”

Most of you are probably wondering what I’m even talking about! What I’m talking about is, if someone were to look inside your closet and your drawers would they find everything organized and folded neatly? Or, would they find unorganized clothes hanging any which way and drawers with closed stuffed inside them that are totally unorganized? Of course I’m hoping your answer will be the organized option. However, since it most likely isn’t here are a few quick suggestions on how to keep your closet and drawers organized and looking good.

Let’s start with your drawers. The first thing to do is literally empty out ALL your drawers. Then, go through everything and weed out things that don’t fit anymore, that you don’t wear anymore, and any socks that are mis-matched. Put all of the aforementioned in one pile. Then, put all of it in a box or plastic bag and donate it! That’s right, there’s no reason to hang onto any of the things that don’t fit you or that you don’t wear anymore. After you have cleared out all the items you don’t want, now it’s time to start organizing what’s left. Go through the pile your keeping and sort that into like items. All the underwear put in one pile, all the socks in another pile, all the t-shirts in their own pile, etc., etc. When you have all your piles go through each one and fold everything nice and neat.

For socks, put the like ones in pairs and fold each pear in half which will keep them together when you put them away. After all your items in all your piles are folded, now it’s time to put them all back. Depending on how many drawers you have, the best option is to put each like items in the same drawer. For example, all the socks should go in one drawer, all the underwear in another, etc., etc. If you don’t have enough drawers then use half the drawer for socks and the other half for underwear. Or you could use half the drawer for t-shirts and the other half for socks. Whatever the case is, you get the idea. When you’re done and all your things are put away totally organized in your drawers you’ll be VERY pleased with the results. Of course, when you open the drawers on a daily basis you’ll be so glad that you know what’s in there and that everything is organized and easily accessible.

Let’s move onto your closet! Here we go again, the same applies for your closet. Empty everything out of your closet. Then, go through it all and weed out what doesn’t fit, what’s old and ratty looking, and anything you don’t wear. Put it all in one pile and box or bag it up and donate it. I know it can be hard to let go of clothes, but it’s not doing you any good taking up room in your closet, and they would be doing good on someone who really needs them! After that, make piles of all the like items. All dress shirts in one pile, all pants in another, etc., etc. Go through it all and hang up all your dress shirts together, all your pants together, etc. etc. After doing this the clothes in your closet will be totally organized and will actually make your daily life easier because you’ll know that everything in there fits, and is ready to wear.

Since we’re talking about your closet, don’t forget about your shoes! Like our clothes, it’s easy to let our shoes get out of control. Take out all your shoes. Go through them and set aside the pairs that you know you don’t wear anymore or that are so worn, you shouldn’t be wearing them! Put the pairs you don’t wear that are in good condition in a bag to donate. Then, toss out the pairs that are worn, yes, toss out as in throw out! Your not doing your feet or your appearance any good by wearing old, tattered shoes. After that, put back the pairs your keeping in a neat fashion.

Now that you’ve done all the above – your drawers and closet(s) are totally organized, filled with clothes and shoes that still fit and look good on you. Now you can say that you respect your clothes!

One of the most confusing parts about Ninja training, especially for the non-Japanese student, are the terms and names for the skills, techniques, strategies, and other aspects of the art. It can be a daunting task for the Western student to have to learn the many Japanese names that naturally developed as a part of the art over the centuries.

One area of ​​concern, especially for the respectful student, is in making sure that they are using the titles of authority and respect reserved for their teachers and senior students correctly. And, while pronunciation is a major concern for many, it would also be helpful if they knew what word or title was appropriate when referring to, or interacting with any particular person. In that light, this article highlights a few of the titles used to extend proper respect toward your teacher and seniors while involved in training.

Soke – Often mistranslated as "grand master," this is the title for the "head-of-lineage." Soke is a position, not a rank. In fact, the soke of any particular school or lineage is "outside" of the concept of rank, and is the person from whom rank is extended or flows. So, there is only 1 Soke within a lineage.

Sensei – This is the term that is generally used, and most readily recognized within the context of Japanese-based martial arts. The term simply means, "teacher," and can be used to identify anyone who is providing you with a lesson.

Shidoshi – This is a teaching title, used especially with Ninja training. One possible definition is that of "teacher of the warrior ways of enlightenment." However, if you were to look at the base components of the word – "SHI" & "DOSHI" – you find a meaning of "teacher's teacher," or a teacher of teachers, rather than the common idea of ​​a teacher of students – as the word "sensei" implies.

Shihan – This is not an official rank or self-imposed title, as many believe, but rather an honorific used to identify someone who is an excellent "role model" and worthy of following. You would no sooner call yourself a shihan, as I would introduce myself to someone as "Role Model Miller!"

Kansho – While there may be several Shidoshi or sensei within a given school, there is only one at the head of the group. So, just as Soke is the "head-of-lineage," a Kansho (sometimes written as "kan-SHI") is the "head-of'-the-'school" or "head-of-the-dojo" ).

Sempai – Contrasted with the word "KO-hai", which means "junior student," the sempai refers to any student senior to you in rank. Kohai are the junior, or "newer" students, and sempai are the seniors. But, again, this term is relative to YOUR position relative to the other students within the dojo setting. When you joined, all of the students already members of the dojo were, by default, your seniors – regardless of rank. Just as you will be the sempai, or senior, or anyone who joins after you.

I’ve heard the word respect thrown around since I was a kid. I was taught to “respect” my elders no matter how immoral they were just because they were older than me. In the late 70’s the phrase “don’t dis me, man” came into vogue. Over and over throughout the years I have heard about respect, I’ve had it demanded of me, and I’ve had it withheld for various reasons. Respect had become something elusive to me. Something I just quite couldn’t put my finger on.

Now that I’m older and somewhat wiser I think I am beginning to understand respect a little better, especially in light of events over the last couple of years. It’s not the attribute my Dad taught me about. Nor is it a commodity that can be demanded from someone. It’s so much more and goes far beyond a perceived slight or offense, accolades or awards, empty words or phrases.

Respect is something that is an earned gift. Now let me explain. Overall, respect is something that an individual must work hard at earning from others. He or she does that buy living an honest and honorable life. That means he doesn’t cheat, lie or steal. He or she means what they say and are true to their word. That person is dependable, solid, and does the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. Respect comes in when someone he or she interacts with sees these wonderful attributes and honors him with the gift of their respect. See it’s a two way street. One person gives his best and in return he receives the gift of respect. Plain and simple. We all have the ability to both earn and give it.

Now let’s take a look at how our society sees respect. Society tells us that if you have a lot of money, appear on TV or in magazines a lot, a politician, a leader of some sort or a celebrity you command respect. Sorry, I just don’t see it that way. Neither does our subconscious mind. It becomes a binary message that causes turmoil in our brain. We are told to respect these people, yet when we interact with them or hear stories of the way they treat people with disdain our subconscious can’t combine the two opposites. It just can’t put disrespectful behavior together with respect and make us accept it. So we experience an uneasiness deep within us that we often can’t explain.

In comes down to this. To have the respect of others we must first be respectful of them. That means we show up on time when we make a commitment. We do what we promise. We are nice and easy to get a long with. We do the right things. We choose to earn respect rather than demand it. Once we do that then the gift of respect is returned to us naturally. Others then honor us with the gift of respect which is then given freely fro the heart. We cannot coerce it, we cannot demand it, we cannot legislate it because it just doesn’t work that way. We can try but we will always fail.

Think about the people that you really respect. Do they demand it from you or is your respect earned by the way they treat you. Now turn that around. Are you earning the gift of respect from your fellow man? It’s something to think about. I know I do.

Promise yourself that starting today you will earn respect not demand it. While you’re at it also be more careful with giving your respect. Don’t be so free with it. Make those who receive that precious gift earn it. The world will be a better place because of it.

Respect is something you cannot just get easily, it needs to be earned. You need to prove to that you are worthy of it before you gain it. Earning the respect of a man is essential to keeping a healthy relationship. If you want to gain his respect, then here are seven simple ways to do it.

Respect yourself

Before any man can respect you, you need to respect yourself first. If a man sees that you value yourself then it would be easier for you to gain his respect as well. Show him that you deserve to be respected and treated well.

Respect him

If you want to be respected then treat your man with respect too. Let him have his own mind and do not put words in his mouth. Give him space to do what he wants. Keep in mind that he has his own interests, let him do what he enjoys most.

Always be yourself

Be comfortable with who you are. You should act naturally, never completely change yourself for a man. Men have more respect to those women who know who they really are.

Be independent

Never show your man that you are too dependent on him. Although men like to act like your knight in shining armor, it is always best to be independent every now and then.

Respect each other’s interests

No two people are exactly the same, which is why you need to let him do his interests on his own. Never tell him to change his interests just because you find them boring. Hence, do not push him to like yours as well.

Stand up for what you believe

Do not just say yes all the time. If you do not agree with him, let him know. Let your voice be heard and your man will surely respect you. Men have no respect for women who cannot fight for what they believe is right.

Learn to loosen up

Do not be too serious all the time. Always smile and enjoy life to the fullest. Learn to laugh at your own stupid mistakes. Men value a woman more if she knows how to accept her mistakes.

Knowing how to earn a man’s respect is important. This will make your man love you more for who you are. Keep these things in mind and gain not only his love but his respect as well.

I often hear from wives who are struggling with many issues after their husbands cheat or have an affair. One very common issue is that of respect. Since husbands lie and cheat while they are unfaithful, it can be hard to respect someone who has shown these attributes.

I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I’m finding it very hard to respect my husband after he cheated on me. I now know that he lied to me for a good four months. There were times when he told me he was working and couldn’t make my children’s events when in fact he was with her. The other day, I actually heard him scolding my son for stretching the truth and it made me so angry. Who is he to lecture someone else about honesty when he lied to his family for months? Every time I look at him, I can’t help thinking that he’s a liar and a cheat. I want to hold my family together for the sake of my kids. But how can I do that when I don’t trust or respect my husband? And respect is a very important attribute to me. I was always so proud that my husband was a man of integrity and honor, but now that image of him is destroyed. How can I ever respect him again when he’s lied to me and cheated on me?”

This is a difficult but common situation. After all, the personality traits that come out when people cheat or have affairs (like dishonesty, secrecy, and betrayal) aren’t often attributes that we associate with respect. And once we lose respect for our spouse, we can begin to wonder if it’s even possible to get it back. It’s my belief that in some cases, you can restore the respect after your spouse cheats (if you both have the determination and the patience to do so) but it certainly isn’t always easy. I will discuss this more in the following article.

What Really Inspires Respect And What is Lost After Someone Cheats?: Respect is something that is generally earned over a period of time. I don’t think that it’s possible to respect someone without knowing them very intimately. Generally, we respect someone when we recognize the qualities and the attributes that we ourselves admire. For example, if we value integrity, discipline, and empathy, then we will respect someone who we believe consistently displays these qualities.

In this example, the wife shared that she had always seen her husband as a man of integrity. She had watched him be honest at great personal and professional costs because he believed that this was the right thing to do. So, it was quite shocking and disappointing to her now when she witnessed him not only being dishonest, but being dishonest to her. The thought of him sneaking around while she thought he was somewhere else repulsed her and she wasn’t sure if she would ever see him in the same way again, or even if she wanted to.

How Is It Possible To Restore The Respect After Your Spouse Cheats Or Has An Affair? From my own experience, I believe that it’s possible to restore the respect, but I would never tell you that it’s easy. The key is to be open to allowing your spouse to earn that respect back over a long period of time. It’s not realistic to think that you can just immediately decide to respect someone who has let you down. But, it can be realistic to think that you will be open to watching and observing them for a good while to see if they can earn it back.

And here’s another thing to consider that is often missed. Very often, there are multiple reasons that we respect our spouse. Yes, honesty and integrity are huge issues. But, often we fail to see the things that are still there because of our own anger and resentment (which is understandable.) For example, the wife in this situation admitted that she had always respected her husband’s generosity and empathy. He was very active in their community and gave generously of his time and his money to those in need. The wife loved that about him. And, she was eventually able to admit that he never lost these attributes. He still was very giving of himself even after the infidelity and during the fall out that ensued. She also was very drawn to his intellect, discipline, and determination – which were all things that he was showing her while he was trying to save his marriage.

So while she had to admit there were areas where he did not have her respect (like honesty and integrity) there were other attributes that she still admired and respected. This gave her encouragement that, at some time in the future, he might be able to regain her respect.

Granted, there was a long road ahead. Over time, he had to show his wife that it was safe for her to trust him because he was consistently 100% honest. This was just going to take some time. Looking further into the future, she would need to see him as a person of high integrity who had no intention of repeating the same mistakes. The husband had to be very careful to never let his wife down or to conduct himself in any way that wasn’t completely truthful and honest.

Sometimes, Respecting The Person Is Different Than Respecting The Person’s Actions: I know that it might be hard to envision that you could ever separate your husband from his actions. But with time, many find that this is possible (as long as their spouse’s actions encourages and are in line with this.) As hard as it can be to believe, it’s sometimes possible to look back on the affair as something that you were both able to overcome (and this can actually inspire respect.)

I know that this may sound odd. But as I look back on my own process, I can’t help but remember that sometimes my husband hung in there and showed patience and poise that was frankly not in line with the anger and nastiness that I was throwing his way. I’m not saying that he didn’t deserve this, but during those difficult days, he showed some of the steadiness and calm that I had always really loved about him. And this was one of the things that made me realize that, although I certainly didn’t respect his recent choices, I did still have at least some respect for the person.