An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

Why is respecting each employee at the heart of this diversity frenzy? Let’s review our history. Hoyle, author of Leadership and Futuring, maintains futuring help leaders craft their desired futures. Although not obvious, one must understand history to engage in futurisms. We can apply this to diversity. What do workers want from diversity? Let’s go back to the future.

The Industrial Revolution was closely tied to advancements in science and technology. These advancements along with the cultural revolution replaced the agrarian system and created other social issues. Management didn’t trust agrarians; agrarians didn’t trust management. Therefore, the Agrarian Man was enslaved in a transactional relationship with management. Agrarians longed for their entrepreneur spirit.

Problems resulted. There were few seasoned managers and skilled laborers. Wages were kept deliberately low. Immigration growth mushroomed. Uncertainty about jobs continued. The government neglected workers, and Big Business ignored them. Discipline and motivation became problematic.

Therefore, laborers took matters into their own hands. Some workers started hurting businesses by breaking company equipment. This was called “Machine Smashing.” During this time, Critics argued that capitalism had robbed workers of a golden age of equality and freedom. America achieved great wealth. America had become a more culturally diverse society. However, workers were considered little more than machinery to Big Business. Where are we today?

References:

Hoyle, J. (1995). Leadership and Futuring. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press, Inc.

Wren, D. (1994). The evolution of management thought. New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

© 2006 by Daryl D. Green

I recently performed as a wedding DJ in Arizona for a very nice couple who had a celebrity guest at their wedding. He was a childhood friend who achieved fame and fortune in the music and television entertainment industries, and was attending their wedding as a guest and groomsman in their bridal party. Keep in mind that he was not there with an agenda other than being a friend. He was not promoting a new book or movie or reality tv show, and had no particular desire to be recognized. I had been prepared to play any number of his hit songs, either from the original group he performed with or any of his subsequent hits as a solo artist. However, after planning the evening with the bride and groom, they made it clear that I was not to do so even if requested, and I was happy to honor their wishes. They simply wanted their friend to be there and be comfortable, and not singled out with the white, hot spotlight. I happen to agree, as I think the focus of any wedding celebration is the bride and groom.

Then the trouble began. During the course of the evening, one of their other guests noticed the man in question and made the connection. She then approached me with her bright idea. "Here's what I want you to do," she said. "You need to announce to everyone that there is a celebrity here, and then point him out and play one of his songs dedicated to the bride and groom." I explained to her that I was very aware of the circumstance, and attempted to let her know why that would not be appropriate. "Oh, no way," she drunkenly and stubbornly insisted. "If you don't do what I say then I will go to my friend the groom and have him make you." Before I could do anything about it, she proceeded to accost the newly married couple with her demand and continued to harass them until it became obvious to them that she would not relent without causing a scene. She was convinced that she knew their desires better than they did. The groom reluctantly asked me to go ahead and placate his drunken friend and actually apologized to me for the confusion and embarrassment that she had caused. He felt that it was the only way she would let them enjoy the rest of the evening in relative peace, so in essence she ended up forcing her way on the couple and temporarily controlling the agenda. Their celebrity friend smiled and begrudgingly went along, but clearly felt as I did: that this was the Bride and Groom's special day and not his.

My plea is simple. The next wedding you are invited to attend, please remember that the married couple is the focus and honor of the event. Although you may be a veritable font of great concepts for the success of their event, chances are unless you were involved in the planning phase that your input may not be needed. Did this woman truly believe that she was the only one who saw the celebrity in their midst, and that she was inspired with a brilliant idea no one else had considered? Did she really have the audacity to think that the couple didn't know of their friend's success, despite the fact that they grew up together and that he was a member of their bridal party? Perhaps the casual party-going friend was unaware or oblivious, however the fact remains that she was out of line by insisting on having her way.

A Bride and Groom should be supported on their wedding day and have their particular vision of happiness supported, especially on the first day of their new life together. Please allow them the respect that they deserve.

Is filial piety still with us in 21 C Singapore? In 1996 the Singapore Government enacted the Maintenance Act which provides for any resident aged 60 and above, who cannot subsist on their own to seek maintenance through the courts from their children who are able but are not supporting them. Is this a case of the government being the nanny state or that ‘filial piety’, the highest virtue in Confucian’s moral order, so ingrained in the Chinese diaspora throughout East Asia, is now slowly being eroded away.

On the other hand, in Africa,, there is no legal mandate for filial piety or respect to the elders. Children used to be implicitly considered as the “insurance” for old days. As they grew up, they will become income earners and contribute to the family earnings. Modern African families are now reducing in size. Raising 2-3 children per household is becoming the norm. So, the belief that “children are insurance for the old days” is gradually being eroded. The family bonding is still strong and solidarity reigns amongst the family members. In most modern African families, the elders are now more and more economically independent. Children are expected to take care of themselves as they start working. In some well to do families, they are not expected to take financial care of their elders. It is demanded of them that they remain part of the family life – being there in times of family celebrations, bringing the grandchildren to visit their grandparents, etc.

Chinese Singaporeans do make it a point of contributing to the family’s earnings. I remember distinctly giving part of my first pay packet to my parents as part of the unspoken ‘generational contract’- whether your parents were economically able or not. The fact that there is some 1,411 cases brought to court suggests that things are sliding a bit or is it a sign of the economic times? However, I do know that beneath the veneer of being ‘westernised’, there is still lurking somewhere in our sub conscience the notion that you have to respect your elders whether you are supporting them economically or not. I still address anyone that is much older than me as ‘Aunty’ or ‘Uncle’ in Singapore even though they are not related to me, much to the bewilderment of my Western friends.

In Tanzania, there is a special way of addressing people older than you. “Habari” is the normal greeting given to someone. However, if you are aware that the person is older than you, then “Shikamoo” is the proper greeting given to an elder.

Whether we, in East Asia, will continue to show our ‘filial piety’ by supporting our parents financially remains to be seen. However, it can be said that changing values are also slowly happening in the work place. With more and more exposure to the “Western style of management’, respect to the elders in the workplace is no longer the modus operandi in East Asia and Africa.

Seniority is no longer the way to promote staff. Competencies and required experience are the new calling cards. Role models and mentors irrespective of age are our new support system in the work place. ‘Filial piety’ might also take on a new shade of expression hopefully, if not financially at least emotionally.

People often misuse the word "respect" to mean, "The state or quality that makes you defer to me." In fact, people often confuse respect with fear.

1. Fear is Good.

Fear can be an effective motivator to get people to defer to a leader. Ask Josef Stalin.

2. Fear is Bad.

Fear is unlikely to get the best performance out of employees or true loyalty out of others unless it is combined with more positive motivators. We all know this from our own experience in difficult workplaces. It is a bad manager who believes leadership comes solely from fear and criticism.

3. If Respect=Fear, People May Choose to Leave Instead of Obey.

In personal relationships or in the workplace, people have more of a choice than they do living in a totalitarian state. Often they choose to leave rather than to live in fear of someone who demands deference. They can also be motivated to find ways to push that person aside.

4. Honor.

The dictionary defines "respect" as being esteemed or honored. Why is one esteemed or honored? Because of some personal quality or achievement. People look up to someone who is respected. Maybe they want to be like him. Maybe they think she has qualities that give her special wisdom, insight or strength. They defer to her because they want to defer to her, not because they fear her.

5. Acknowledging Boundaries.

In conflict situations, we see a third type of respect: respect for personal boundaries. If you acknowledge to your counterparties that they are legitimately entitled to decide how far to go in a particular negotiation, it has tremendous power to de-escalate the conflict. In fact, it often allows them to make concessions they otherwise would not. Any amicable agreement requires at least a bit of acknowledgement.

6. Disregarding Boundaries.

On the other hand, crossing interpersonal boundaries generates anger. Sometimes one person acts in a way that triggers a response like stepping on a rattlesnake. Watch for that.

7. Unstable Boundaries.

Be careful of people with certain common personality disorders that involve unstable interpersonal boundaries. Some of them appear to be high functioning but have unpredictable hair trigger tempers when innocent actions cross a boundary that may not have been there a few minutes earlier. Their anger seems irrational to outsiders. In conflict resolution circles, they are sometimes known as "high conflict personalities." In daily life, they may confuse reluctance to spark their tempers as respect, when it is really just appeasement to keep the peace. People who have these tendencies should consciously acknowledge that there are limits to others’ willingness to appease. People who interact with them should focus on desired outcomes rather than the people themselves, like the classic parenting advice to "criticize the behavior, not the child." Keep your relationship transactional or develop a Teflon skin.

8. Dealing with Bad People.

Some people do not care if they respect boundaries. They may be feel that they are entitled to a good temper tantrum now and then, feel that they are entitled to take whatever they want as long as they can get away with it or simply feel their counterpart’s perception of what is overreaching is off-base. In these cases, it may make sense to involve a third party neutral like a mediator or coach, or even a third party decision maker like a court or arbitrator. For extreme cases, see Professor Robert Mnookin’s book Bargaining With the Devil for a discussion of when to bargain with evil.

9. The Dangers of Disrespect.

Be aware that if you come off as not respecting the other party, you run risks. You increase the risk of a prolonged battle or (in a legal dispute) litigation. You risk damaging the other party’s trust that you will follow through on a negotiated solution. You risk the other party’s responding to your disrespect with more disrespect (as often happens in difficult marriages). All this may be necessary, but make it a conscious decision. In other words, if you cannot respect your counterpart, at least respect the consequences.

To respect and give consideration for others, always taking care never to hinder, hold back or hurt anyone.

To always consider another persons life, and what they have to do, is showing respect at the same time as gratitude, they are closely related. It is another way of developing gratitude because you appreciate those things you have the right to do. If you show respect to others, that is gratitude for what you have the abilities and rights to do yourself. You must respect others for their rights, or you have no rights of your own.

It is not just respecting a person, giving respect to one person or authority. Respect, true respect, is a state of being that is expressed in action just as breathing expresses being alive. Just like being honest, reliable, or a thief, you are that way. And that is what real respect is, it is a natural state of your being that is consistent to how you treat every single person and object and the universe, allowing each to be what they are and live as they choose. You have respect, period.

That is real respect, not just bowing down to one person who is an authority figure that so called deserves respect. Why we generally lack true respect is because rarely does anyone give true respect, so you do not have an example to follow and so you can never acquire it. Remember that all character traits are not something that you have naturally, necessarily, but that you have to learn. Or that you do have naturally but your growing up educates you to be different than you naturally are.

And so because of how we grow up and our experience with parents, school, teachers and so on, we do not cultivate a natural or healthy character trait of true respect, so now you have to develop that on your own.

With true respect, you can have your thoughts and ideas, but it is so important to have consideration of other people. If you can reduce your ego to the point that you do not need to do things your way but can conform to other peoples style and desires, basically fit into the environment, while maintaining your sense of yourself, which includes holding your tongue and not speaking up regardless of what you consider to be right, this is respect coming from a wise individual. You do not change due to the clothes you wear, but you dress for the climate you are in.

Interact with each one according to their level of being. If you need things to be your way, then what is your level of development? If you use the excuse of being at a low level to justify your poor, immature actions, then you will stay at that level. If you force yourself to act as an evolved individual would act, then you will raise your level. It is so simple, it just takes effort. Are you lazy, or determined?

It is the respect out of gratitude. This means that when you socialize with people or you are welcomed into a community, you must have the gratitude for being accepted, welcomed and wanted, and if you wish to maintain the gratitude or maintain that which you are grateful for, meaning the acceptance of your presence, you must show respect for those who want you. Respect others customs and culture whether it is another country or city, and respect other peoples manners and moral code, code of ethics, style, even if they are the foreigner in your land. To give this kind of respect is to show your gratitude for them willing to be with you, whether your are the guest or the host, either way, you are advised to adjust to make other people feel at home and comfortable. Or would you rather be continually rejected and alone?

Afterall, everybody has many choices as to what they can do with their time so for them to spend time with you is to say that they are giving you a very precious commodity, one that can never be replaced.
If you have developed within your self a sense of balance and equanimity, you will have time because you realize that the only use of your time is to do what is in front of you. Your time may be valuable, but it is not as valuable as the person who thinks they have so many projects and things to do. Things have no intrinsic value other than the value we place on them, that is how some objects of art are worth more than others. Of course, time is the only thing you have of real value that you must guard and use wisely. So what you do with your time is important, but we are speaking of examples where you choose to use your time to be with another person.

Even though you may not consider their use of time the best or to the highest benefit, to them it is. Taking the teaching that our purpose in life is to help as many people as we can, but above all never hurt anyone, we let go of our opinions of right and wrong. If you say to yourself; "This is how I am and if someone doesn't like it, to bad for them", you are far from a free, open minded and clean hearted person who has conquered the ego. This attitude simply allows you to hurt people without remorse or guilt. Sometimes you may even justify your actions saying that the other person must learn to be more tolerable or open minded.

Often the one that points to the other claiming closed mindedness, is pointing with a very closed mind themselves. This is the basic selfish American attitude that causes all the problems in our path to success, be it personal, relationships, business, and especially spiritual growth. We must consider other peoples opinions and values, and how we affect them. Do we make them feel good, upset or hurt. We take that as our only guideline of correct conduct, letting go of our rebellious nature or false independence trying to prove ourselves, under the guise of being open or setting healthy boundaries. Allow your self to be more considerate and thoughtful as your primary objective in subduing the ego and opening, cleaning, the heart.

This is gratitude and respect, as well as gratitude and appreciation.

I put it this way; "The finger that points to the one of large ego is usually green with jealousy."

Now to straighten out some possible confusion between this teaching and the one on not considering others. This is a good example of how important it is to learn to see the meaning behind the words rather than the words themselves. We have no better word than considering for both these opposite teachings. In the sense it is used in not considering others, that is referring to having the fear of what others think. The fear being if they will not like you, so you consider everything they say as valuable regardless of what rubbish it may be. Taking all they say to heart, you identify with their thoughts, which are almost always based on their own fears and ego, and you create a false image of yourself, fearful of being who you really are due to the potential that someone may say something negative about you.

The other point that must clear up is in allowing others to be what they are without your feeling responsible. We have taught you that if someone chooses to be upset, that is their choice to be upset and not your responsibility. Here we have said that you must do your best not to upset anyone. The contradiction appears to be between you being responsible and not being responsible.

It is true that you are not the one who is responsible for another persons level of development and their choice of emotions, however, if you can avoid pushing another persons buttons for no useful reason, then you must avoid presenting the opportunity for them to get upset. For some people, no matter what you do, they may get upset, so you must allow them to be that way. But if you have evolved to the stage that you are comfortable anywhere, in the desert alone or in the palace with the king, then it is your duty as the evolved one to allow others to have things in a manner that makes them feel comfortable and not antagonized.

If you want to help, then the best way is to provide a peaceful, comfortable atmosphere that they can relax in and have the potential to see by your example that there is a chance to live freely and without anger. That is the only effective way to teach, by example, not by a crusade.

EXERCISE

Every moment, interaction and action, consider if you are hurting anyone in any way. Observe other people to notice when they do something you consider rude or improper, and rather than judging them, which you will probably do anyway, consider if you do the same thing, and watch as much as possible when you may be doing it and stop yourself from doing it.

I have met many, many people who truly believe that respect that should be given just because of their status, title, or background. For me, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Respect is earned, and if you happen to step into a position that you are now working with, overseeing, or associating with new people, that respect must be earned through your actions.

Show respect: Respect is a two-way street and showing respect towards others shows that you deserve their respect, that you hold their ideas and thoughts in high regard, and that you are willing to treat others as you want to be treated.

Actions: When working toward gaining the respect of others, your actions will speak much louder than your words. If you commit to a deadline or meeting time, keep those commitments. If you make a promise that you will do something, keep that promise. If you ensure confidentiality, make sure that the confidentiality is kept no matter what. You can say, promise, commit whatever you’d like, but if you don’t follow-through and keep your word, then there is nothing to respect.

Be honest: This is a big, big one. Don’t ever lie, no matter how small the lie. Especially don’t lie about your abilities and work habits as this will backfire eventually. Being upfront and honest about you, your abilities, and your work habits will encourage the building of respect from your peers and your superiors.

Be good at what you do: You don’t have to be an expert in your field, you just have to be willing to grow, learn, and build on your existing skills. Respect will be earned through your hard work and dedication to your field as others will see (again, your actions) that you are willing to grow and become the best. But, be careful that you don’t step on others’ toes in your quest to become the best.

Be professional: This encompasses so much more than just being professional with your peers and supervisors. This includes not gossiping, talking bad about others, dressing professionally, speaking professionally at all times, and standing up for what you believe in through communicating on a professional level. Respecting yourself to not get involved with the office drama and dressing in a professional manner will earn you the respect of the right people.

Be a role model: Being a role model in your personal and professional life will increase your ability to earn the respect of others. Make good decisions in your life and associate yourself with the right people. You don’t have to be a superhero or be involved in hundreds of charity events, but living a moral and good life will help you earn the respect of the right people.

While working toward earning the respect of others, ensure you are attempting to gain the respect of the right people. If you work toward being a good person, surrounding yourself with good people, living a good life, doing your best, and showing your willingness to learn you will gain the respect from the right people.

Trainers make seven mistakes that adversely affect their credibility and effectiveness. If you want participants to respect and trust you, follow these suggestions.

Mistake # 1. Assuming you are supposed to have all the answers . Just because you are standing in front of the group does not mean that you need to be an expert on the subject. Even if you are an expert, you can still be stumped by a question. If a participant asks a question that you can't answer, first ask the rest of the group if some has an answer. If no one does, be honest, admit that you don't know the answer, and promise to find out and get back to them. They say that knowledge is knowing where to find the answers. As long as you follow through on your promise, you will retain your credibility.

Mistake # 2. Being afraid to admit that you made a mistake. Trust is an essential element in any learning environment. The participants will be more likely to trust and like you if you are willing to admit when you are wrong. If you do it with humor rather than getting upset about it, the participants will laugh with you, not at you. Your credibility with them will actually increase.

Mistake # 3. Not staying aware of what is happening during small group activities. There is the tendency to assume that groups have understood the assigned task and are working well together. Unless you move around the room to listen in on the conversations, you really won't know if they need assistance, if the assignment needs additional clarification, or if one participant is dominating the discussion. Just be unobtrusive so the participants don't know that they are being watched.

Mistake # 4. Not waiting long enough for participants to answer a question. We are often uncomfortable with silence, so we tend to jump in to rephrase or answer a question much too soon. Participants need time to consider the question and frame their answers. Silently count to ten, or higher if your group is particularly thoughtful. Otherwise, participants will get the impression that you don't really expect them to answer and are merely asking rhetorical questions. If that happens, you will leave your training session wondering why your participants stopped participating.

Mistake # 5. Being afraid to correct incorrect answers to questions. It is a given that participants will sometimes provide the wrong information in response to a question that you ask. Don't tell them "No, you're wrong," because that will embarrass them and they will not volunteer to answer any more questions. Instead, take responsibility for possibly being unclear when you originally posed the question. Clarify and rephrase the question to coach the participant for a correct response. Bottom line: Don't ignore or gloss over an incorrect answer, because that will confuse everyone. Calmly and diplomatically get the information back on the right track.

Mistake # 6. Not handling disruptive participants. You absolutely need to manage disruptive participants. You create even more problems for yourself if you don't. Clearly, the learning experience for everyone else will be ruined. Equally important, the other participants will cease to respect you, become uncomfortable, and even feel unsafe because you have not established and maintained control over the classroom.

Mistake # 7. Not handling disruptive participants with respect. It doesn't matter how disruptive a participant may be. The minute you treat that person disrespectfully in front of the group, the entire group will turn against you. Why? They will suddenly feel very vulnerable. Instead, use humor, agree to disagree, ask the group if they agree with the individual, and / or refer to the training room rules of conduct. If none of these approaches are effective, assign a task to the group and ask the disruptive individual to meet with you outside of the classroom.

How you present and handle yourself, the learning process and the participants can positively or negatively impact your credibility and respect as a trainer.

“The most important thing is to have a man respect me!” Ellie proclaimed.

“Do you want a man to cherish your feelings?” I asked.

“Of course. I want that too,” Ellie added.

“Fine. Stay single and take two lovers.”

If you want to be respected and feel cherished in a romantic relationship, you’ll need two partners.

One can respect your ideas and follow your lead. The other can cherish your feelings and make the plans.

See? You can have it all.

Just not at the same time.

Or with the same person.

(Unless he’s a “doormat” who doesn’t have a voice. Or is soooo spineless. Ewww.)

In a romantic relationship, the greatest intimacy is promoted when one partner feels cherished for feelings and the other is respected for thoughts.

If you want to be respected for your thinking AND cherished for your feelings, there is simply no space for another person.

When you Voluntarily give up your respectability in a romantic relationship it means you choose to have your feelings cherished over your thoughts respected and you are willing to follow your man as long as he’s moral, ethical and legal.

This doesn’t mean you can’t be respected for your thoughts Ever…it just means you choose to have your feelings cherished first.

When a man cherishes your feelings, you’ll actually feel respected.

(Think about that for a moment!)

When you don’t feel good about something and you share your feelings with your man…and he “respects” your feelings…he’s actually cherishing you! (Pretty cool, huh?)

When you give your thoughts to a man and he respects your ideas, guess what? You’re the man! When a man respects what you think and want…you are the “Hero” of your relationship.

Many times you go competitive with your partner and you don’t know why. The reason is because you both want to tell each other what to do…or you both wait for the other person to make the plan!

So when you’re meeting a new man…or if you’re already with someone…decide:

Do you want to be respected for your thoughts and leadership skills in your romantic relationship?

OR:

Do you want to be cherished for your feelings and are willing to voluntarily give up your lead and follow your respected partner?

"You idiot," shouts the wife with hands on hip. "How can I ever trust you to do anything right," she scolds. The soundtrack goes wild with gales of laughter from the audience while her husband hangs his head like a whipped puppy in response.

I'm sure you have seen this scenario on one of your favorite TV shows.

Funny? Many think so.

But let's break down this scenerio to understand how this seemingly innocent exchange of words and actions can undermine the marriage relationship.

The family arrangement is designed to work as a well-oiled machine with the husband lovingly taking the lead and each family member working in harmony with the other. This arrangement is not designed to be tyrannical or dictatorial. The husband's role is a weighty one, but he discharges his responsibility in love.

However, he can't make the marriage work by himself. He depends on his support system – his loving complement, his wife, and that of their children for success of his leadership. If the wife rebels against this arrangement, confusion, chaos and discord, wreak havoc within the family unit.

A crucial point on this subject is that TV writers of today's family comedies undermine the marriage arrangement as it was designed to work. The sitcoms depict husbands as bungling stupid idiots that have to be berated by their wives because of their incompetence. It may be good for laughs on TV – but the reality is that such conduct tears down the relationship! How could anything good come from berating someone you love? Where is the respect?

A loving husband will be interested in his wife, her thoughts, her activities, her feelings about things. He'll make her feel wanted. Women need to feel wanted. He'll hold her in honor. He'll let her know that they're working as a team, that it is' we 'and' ours', not 'I' and 'you' or 'mine' and yours. '

Most important is the giving of himself. His time, energies, attention and thoughts, especially those closest to his heart. When the wife speaks to her husband in a loving kind manner, not berating him he will do everything he can to build up his marriage and engulf his wife with love.

Word of caution to wives: Above all, don't usurp your husband's leadership and berate him. If you succeed, you won't like him, and he won't like you or himself.

So wives all you have to do is show love and respect toward your husband. Don't berate him. It's simple but not necessarily easy if you've been caught up 21st century disrespect posing as comedy. It takes time and determination working together to achieve this respect. But won't a happy marriage be worth the effort?

I keep getting emails asking that I write more about true friendship. The subject of this article is what is what I consider the most important thing friends must have in common. And that is simply that friends keep their word. True friends have a great respect for the words they have promised.

True friendship helps you to realize just how beautiful your world really is, for your true friend actually makes your world a better place for you to live. As someone once said "good friends remind us that even if we cannot be stars there is no need for us to be rain clouds". Be the friend that brightens your friend's world not the one who rains on it.

Guys if you care at all about yourself you must believe in yourself before others will believe in you. You must have faith that you are capable enough to keep your word. This is the only way you will gain confidence and control over yourself and your promises. Always show respect to the words you have spoken as a promise. Never say "I promise" to your friend to get her to leave you alone, if you are someone who does that you surely do not qualify as the true friend that you pretend to be.

As Thomas Jefferson once said "an open foe may prove a curse but a pretended friend is worse". True friendship is the most difficult thing for me to explain. It is not something that you learn in school. But if you have not learned the true meaning of friendship then you really have not learned anything at all. I know this; your true friend offers you respect and honesty. It is good for you to be able to trust someone and that someone can trust you; always keep your promises.

Always remember to keep your promises, that way you will keep your word. I suggest that you write down the promises you have made to remind yourself. Check on them daily and try very hard to make them come true because you will make yourself feel better for keeping your word while surely making your true friend happy. And as always you must live well to be well.