“If love is only a will to possess, it is not love”. America in the 1920’s was a country where moral values were decaying. Every American had one objective to achieve: success.

Francis Scott Fitzgerald, the author of The Great Gatsby, presents realistic image of American life in the 1920’s. His characters, like many people of that period, only care for money; becoming rich is their main objective. As a result, their relationships, no longer based on love, fail.

All of the relationships in the novel are failures because they are not based on love, but on materialism.

One example of a failed relationship in The Great Gatsby is the adulterous affair between Tom Buchanan and Myrtle Wilson. This affair is based on mutual exploitation. Tom uses Myrtle for sex; Myrtle receives gifts and money in return. Tom Buchanan, a resident of East Egg, is “old money”, so he looks down on everyone who is not from his class. Thus, he treats Myrtle as if she is trash. Myrtle Wilson, the wife of poor George Wilson, has become disenchanted with her 12 year old marriage of her husband’s lack of success. Her desire for a better life is evident when she relates her first meeting with Tom:

“It was on the two little seats facing each other that are always the last ones left on the train. I was going up to New York to see my sister and spend the night. He had on a dress suit and patent leather shoes, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him, but every time he looked at me I had to pretend to be looking at the advertisement over his head. When we came into the station he was next to me, and his white shirt-front pressed against my arm, and so I told him I’d have to call a policeman, but he knew I lied. I was so excited that when I got into a taxi with him I didn’t hardly know I wasn’t getting into a subway train. All I kept thinking, over and over, was ‘You can’t live forever; you can’t live forever” (Fitzgerald 42).

Myrtle even believes that Tom will leave Daisy and marry her. In reality, Tom does not even see Myrtle as a person but as a sexual object. This is made clean by his degrading treatment of Myrtle at the party, especially when he breaks her nose for having the nerve to mention his wife’s name:

” ‘Daisy! Daisy! Daisy!’ shouted Mrs. Wilson. ‘I’ll say it whenever I want to! Daisy! Dai – ‘ Making a short deft movement, Tom Buchanan broke her nose with his open hand” (Fitzgerald 43).

The pathetic nature of their relationship is reinforced when she dies. After a fight with George Wilson, Myrtle runs away towards a golden car that she thinks is Tom’s. The golden colour of the car symbolizes money , the wealth that Myrtle so desires. Apparently, the car is driven by Daisy, another symbol of materialism, and what happens has a symbol of significance:

A moment later [Myrtle] rushed out into the dusk, waving her hands and shouting … The ‘death car’ as the newspapers called it, didn’t stop … Myrtle Wilson, her life violently extinguished, knelt in the road and mingled her thick dark blood with the dust … The mouth was wide open and ripped a little at the corners, as though she had choked a little in giving up the tremendous vitality she had stored so long (Fitzgerald 143-44).

The nature of the relationship between Tom and Myrtle is best symbolized by the expensive dog leash Tom had bought for Myrtle’s puppy. It reflects the fact that Tom is the master, the one who controls his “pet” with money. As the master, Tom is free to do as he pleases. As the “dog”, Myrtle receives gifts for proper behaviour. The unequal status of Tom and Myrtle reflects the failure of their relationship, which, given its adulterous nature, was doomed to fail from the inception.

The Buchanan marriage is also a complete failure. It is the war that separated Daisy and Gatsby, and his absence is one of the reasons she married Tom. However, the most important factor was his money and status. Tom is from a rich family. He can give Daisy everything she wants. The wedding ceremony proved this:

In June [Daisy] married Tom Buchanan of Chicago, with more pomp and circumstance than Louisville ever knew before. He came down with a hundred people in four private cars, and hired a whole floor of the Muhlbach Hotel, and the day before the wedding he gave her a string of pearls valued at three hundred and fifty thousand dollars (Fitzgerald 82).

That is a marriage of convenience -not love- is apparent on several occasions in the novel. For example, while Daisy was giving birth to their only child, “Tom was God knows where” (Fitzgerald 23). Furthermore, Tom’s philandering begins only after 3 months of his marriage. A newspaper account of Tom’s accident mentions that the chambermaid he was with her broken arm. Of course, Daisy knows Tom ways too well; she even offers him her “little gold pencil” so that he gets the number of a “pretty but common” girl he is interested in at Gatsby’s party, although Tom pretends to want to switch tables for another reason. The fact is that their marriage is founded upon wealth and power; that is what keeps them together, and what reveals how barren a marriage it is.

Gatsby is the one who tries to separate Tom and Daisy. It is Gatsby’s dream to be reunited with Daisy, to go back to the past, and to marry Daisy. This is his incorruptible dream, as Gatsby tells Nick: “‘Can’t repeat the past?’ [Gatsby] cried incredulously. ‘Why of course you can!'” (Fitzgerald 117).

After reuniting with Daisy, Gatsby begins an affair that is made possible because he is extremely rich; Daisy is a materialist that can be lured by money. When they first reunite, Daisy shows little true emotion. It is only when he shows her his huge mansion and expensive possession that Daisy displays strong emotion. For example, as Gatsby shows her his expensive clothes from England; “Suddenly, with a strained sound, Daisy bent her head into the shirts and began to cry stormily” (Fitzgerald 99).

When the affair between Gatsby and Daisy is discovered, Tom and Gatsby confront each other over Daisy. In this crucial event, Daisy reveals her true view of her affair with Gatsby – that it was simply a way of filling in her empty days, an entertainment. It is also revenge for Tom’s many adulterous affairs. Deep in her heart, she is not determined:” ‘Oh, you want too much!’ [Daisy] cried to Gatsby. ‘I love you now – isn’t that enough? I can’t help what’s past.’ She began to sob helplessly. ‘I did love him once – but I loved you too'” (Fitzgerald 139).

Having betrayed Gatsby twice already, Daisy now betrays him for the final time – unwilling to face the consequence of Myrtle’s death, Daisy and Tom conspire to frame Gatsby for the accident. Gatsby is then killed by George Wilson, as Tom has led him to believe that Gatsby is both Myrtle’s lover and killer.

In the end, this relationship fails because Daisy values nothing but materialism; she does not even send a flower to Gatsby’s fueral.

Love is essential in a relationship. However, materialism is essential of the relationship presented in The Great Gatsby. Those relationships are failures because they are founded on the physical rather than the spiritual. Fitzgerald shows that any relationships based on materialism will fail in the end.

Breaking up causes the worst emotional pain you will experience. Millions of people go through this everyday.

Some go through a deep depression causing them physical and mental sickness while others cope to move on with their life.

Enduring this kind of pain makes it difficult for most people to go on with life as it never happened.

Lots of people get involved with someone to forget the pain, but a rebound relationship is not the answer.

When you get intimate with someone new, and they treat you with kindness and love, it feels like love. You’re trying to forget the one who pulled out on you so the new affair feels like love.

When there’s feelings of touch, kissing and hugs along with all the attention, it gives you hope that the old relationship will come to pass. It takes time and the right moves to find the next true love.

So can a rebound relationship feel like love? Yes it can but it’s just infatuation hoping it will turn to love-making you forget all the pain you’re feeling.

A rebound relationship is a mistake for different reasons. You don’t know the person you ‘re hooked up with.

It takes time to know someone, their likes, dislikes, do they have a temper, or are they an ex-con?

Some women get trapped in a rebound relationship with no way out. She’s hooked up with an insane jealous maniac that controls her and puts the fear into her.

Sometimes, when you get involved with someone you don’t know, it comes back to haunt you, sometimes, for the rest of your life.

It takes time getting to know someone. At first they put on their charm but as time goes on, their true self comes out.

Some women revert to online dating sites looking for love. That’s a big mistake because the members at these sites are scrupulous with fake profiles.

They’re looking for two things. A one night of fun, or they’re looking for money. The site does not screen their members and there are many that are ex-cons, drug users, rapists and spousal abuse.

Some members from these sites can be dangerous causing you injury or worse. But some women have met who they thought was their true love, got married and had kids living a life of misery.

Once he catches them, they can’t get out. Usually this is caused from a recent breakup. She tries to get over the pain with the first guy who turns on his charm falling for him.

He knows how to steal her heart and she thinks she’s in love. A rebound relationship can feel like love when he traps you showing you a good time, buying you expensive gifts, taking you to fancy restaurants until his charm wears off.

A rebound relationship will cause you lots of grief and because it may feel like love, it really isn’t.

I have spent 27 years of my life believing that the death of a loved one is the most painful experience you ever have to go through. I remember that I used to weep for hours on just the fact that my parents may not live with me for whole my life. However, yesterday I had an epiphany that changed my whole perspective on pain. After having a painful rather torturing fight with someone I love, I realized that it’s not the death of a loved which is the most painful experience but the realization of the fact that the one person you love the most doesn’t understand you.

Well, I don’t think I can give words to that pain but let me give it a try. It was just like a sharp mirror entering into my body after cutting my skin layers one after the other in a very slow motion. I am not exaggerating but I felt that my heart will stop beating any minute. The next thing I knew was that I was crying with loud voices. Luckily, no one saw me but if they did, they would have definitely thought that I have lost any of my loved ones to death. It was that moment when I realized that death is not that painful. When someone dies, your mind consciously and subconsciously accept this fact because you know that there is nothing you can do to reverse the situation. The real pain is when your loved one is with you but still, you feel alone, you feel that no one in the whole world understands your situation. That is when you really feel the pain and it’s not just a psychological pain but also a physical pain.

I read somewhere that love gives pain and suffering but it also gives the courage to overcome that pain. Well, I don’t fully agree with it. How can a feeling as beautiful as love become a cause of pain? My mind is still not ready to accept it. Well, it may be because just like the millions of other girls, I have spent my whole life watching romantic movies and thinking that one day my hero will come to rescue me. Ladies, I don’t want to hurt you but there ain’t coming any prince charming who will change your life for good.

The ultimate lesson I have learned from my life is that at the end of the day you are the only and only person who loves you the most and no matter how much caring and loving the other person is, there will come times when you will start to feel that he don’t even know you and vice versa. So my suggestion to you is just to stop waiting for that one right guy and start loving yourself right from this very day, in fact right from this very minute.

Don’t wait for him to bring chocolates for you, buy them yourself. Stop waiting for him to travel the world, go pack the bag and get moving. Marriage and relation is not the whole life, it is just a small part of it. Don’t let it affect your whole life. Well, I am now going to buy my princess (means myself) her favorite flavor of ice cream. Now that you are here, use this time to think beyond the picture. Try to live every moment of your life even if you have to live it alone. You need to understand that you can’t make anyone else happy unless and until you are happy. Stay happy, love that beautiful, intelligent, loving, caring and passionate girl whom you see every day in the mirror. And one day, you will definitely find the one who will add to your happiness.

Traditionally, Valentine’s Day is when we shower those we love with flowers, chocolates, and gifts as expressions of our love.

Expressions of love are fine.

But caring for love is better.

Today, I want to inspire you to take care of your love. To treasure, pamper, and exalt love to the highest place in your life.

I want to encourage you to look past one day of love to a lifetime of love. I want you to do that by honoring your body and emotions, and the body and emotions of those you love.

Why?

Nowadays, people take love for granted. They devalue their bodies, negate their emotions, and invalidate loved one’s opinions. And when that happens, love fades and the spirit withers.

That doesn’t have to be the story of your life.

Here are 10 ways to nurture and take care of your love now and forever.

10 Ways to Take Care of Your Love Now and Forever

In 1969, Dr. Leo Buscaglia taught his first class on love at the University of Southern California. His non-credit class, Love 1A, was in response to the tragic loss of one of his students to suicide. The news that she killed herself had an enormous impact on him, and it irrevocably changed his approach to love. “To love others you must first love yourself,” became his mantra.

Here are five ways to take care of your love this Valentine’s Day through honoring and loving your body and emotions:

1. Create balance and harmony in your life.

Balancing your needs is essential to taking care of your love. It’s important to know what you need and give yourself what you need each day. Work, play, rest, activity, contemplation, expression, all must be in balance and harmony.

2. Speak your truth.

Truth is personal. It’s also subjective. But it’s yours. Speak it. Say what you need to say when it’s right for you to say it. Speak up for yourself. Acknowledge your hurts. Let people know your truths.

3. Trust your intuition.

That still small voice within is your ally. It is wise. It has strength. It has deep knowing and sensing about what’s right for you. Listen to your intuition. Act accordingly.

4. Nourish your body.

One of the best ways you can take care of your love is to nourish your body with food that is healthy and satisfying. Instead of eating any old thing, listen to your body. It will always inform you of what it needs for nourishment.

5. Love your life.

Love what you do. Do what you love. This is the essence of what it means to be true to you. Stop doing what you don’t love. Stop trying to be someone you aren’t and have the courage to live a life that you do love.

In The Prophet, Khalil Gibran wrote, “Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.”

Philosophers, writers, and poets speak of love as a quality that makes our experience richer – more colorful, alive and meaningful. It transforms the mundane routines of our daily lives into something larger and more significant. The experience of love connects us with all humanity and nature across time and space.

Here are five ways you can honor someone else’s body and emotions:

6. Respect the other’s body.

Respect means only doing what feels respectable and honors the other’s wishes. At all times. In everything. From lightly touching to deeply making love.

7. Respect the other’s emotions and thoughts.

Respecting another’s emotions and thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with what they’re feeling or speaking. It means you hear what they are expressing and are validating their emotions and thoughts. Always validate. Never dismiss.

8. Trust the other’s intuition.

Just as I talked about the importance of trusting your intuition in my previous blog post, so too, we must trust another’s intuition. It’s not about being right. It’s about honoring what that still small voice within the other is saying. Take it seriously. It’s their truth and needs to be accepted.

9. Lovingly support the other in meeting their needs in healthy ways.

Notice I didn’t say for you to meet their needs. I said to support them in meeting their own needs. Don’t laugh at their choices and don’t manipulate them in another direction. Offer loving support even if you don’t agree.

10. Respect the other’s integrity.

You have your truth. And so do they. While their truth may oppose your truth, that’s okay. Remember that each person has a right to their decisions and their truths. And the right to act on them. That’s integrity.

This is the month of love. The time when we reflect on our inner love and how we express that love to others. Take care of your love. Because if you don’t, you’ll miss out on the most beautiful experience of life – deep, abiding love. So this month, treasure it, pamper it and exalt love to the highest place in your life with these 10 tips on how to take care of your love.

Love. Just the word invokes thoughts of hearts-and-flowers, fuzzy feelings and warm hugs. I’m reminded of those notes in grade school, “I love you. Do you love me? Yes or no?” It seems sad to me now that we had to ask if we were loved. Shouldn’t love be obvious?

Jesus said that all men shall know that ye are My disciples: if ye have love one for another (John 13:35). The Amplified Bible describes it as ‘unselfish concern for one another’. Jesus expected that love and unselfish concern to be obvious among His followers. It’s supposed to be the benchmark that sets Christians apart from the rest of the world.

Unfortunately, it’s not. It seems we can’t get along with our parents, siblings, co-workers or the world at large. We’ve got ‘issues’ with almost everyone and everything: the government, the person in the check-out line who’s taking too long, the distracted driver who cut in front of us too closely, and the person who interrupts our plans with their problems. We gripe about our government, our boss, our neighbor, and even our pastor. I could probably make a really long list if I thought about it. So could you.

Yet love, the God kind of love, is not fuzzy feelings and happily-ever-after’s. It is not a Hallmark movie with every problem solved in two hours or less. Love is a choice, a commitment to live at all times and in all situations like God who is Love. The Apostle Peter, perhaps the disciple who struggled most with his motives and emotions, described it this way: For even unto this were ye called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow His steps (I Peter 2:21).

Jesus displayed God’s love throughout His earthly life, healing, providing, blessing and forgiving. He did not shrink back from uncomfortable situations, didn’t refuse to help anyone who asked, and never hesitated to do the will of the Father. He Himself said, “I am come that you might have Life and have it more abundantly!” (John 10:10). That is Love’s desire for everyone.

God wants you and me to live by the standard set in I Corinthians 13, the Love Chapter. You might ask how it’s possible to be so ‘loving’ with all the troubles in the world. I’m glad you asked. Here are five keys to help you develop a deeper love walk.

Fill your spirit. – Pray… and desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding (Col. 1:9). But the fruit of the spirit is love… (Gal. 5:22). You can’t emulate God if you don’t know Him. You need to be connected to His heart by spending time with Him through prayer and His Word. You keep your car filled with gas so you can go when and where you need to. You need to keep your spirit filled with the love and wisdom of God so you’re ready to dispense His love to the world around you.

Forget your feelings. – thou shalt forget thy misery, and remember it as waters that pass away (Job 11:16). It’s easy to let yourself get caught up in the turmoil, tension, dissention and ire of the world. They’ve always got something to be upset or angry about. It’s more difficult to stop those negative emotions and remember to walk in love. Love doesn’t gossip or foster ill will. Love doesn’t react to hurt feelings. It considers others’ feelings instead of your own. Feelings are fickle. Don’t trust them! Choose to give love in every situation.

Forgive every hurt. – Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you that ye may be the children of your Father who is in Heaven (Matt. 5:44-45). Some of the last words Jesus spoke on earth were toward his tormentors, when He said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Forgiveness is a hallmark of walking in love. Love takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong] (I Cor. 13:5 AMPC). When you let go of your hurts and give them to God, He can make all things work together for good.

Flush out fear. – There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love (I John 4:18). Fear is the opposite of faith. It drowns you in anxiety and pain. When Jairus was told, “Your daughter is dead,” Jesus responded immediately by telling him, “Fear not, believe only!” Fear cancels faith, love, and God’s blessing. God functions in the realm of faith. Don’t let fear get a foothold! Use the Word of God like a weapon (the Sword of the Spirit) to fend off every fear, anxiety and concern.

Flow with faith. – Faith worketh by love (Gal. 5:6). The Bible says love never fails, so if you stay in love, your faith won’t fail either. Faith is an abiding trust that what God says in His Word is Truth. Faith casts every care upon Him, believing that He not only can but will make your tests into testimonies. You can always respond in love because God’s got your back! He is looking for those who through faith and patience will receive His promises.

A deeper love walk means a deeper commitment to the things of God. It requires faith and patience, knowing that Love is the Rule of the Kingdom. Grow in spirit; be quick to forgive. Don’t allow petty hurts (or even big ones) to short-circuit the rewards of walking in love. Instead, believe His Word that promises if you stay rooted and grounded in love, you will be filled with all the fullness of God Himself. Totally and completely full of Love!

“First Love” was written by John Clare, 1793-1864, about his true first love, Mary Joyce, whom he met when he was only 10 years old. She was the daughter of a wealthy farmer who forbade his daughter from meeting with Clare, a mere poor laborer, and his separation from her created an overwhelming sense of loss that set the tone for much of Clare’s love poems.

The Poet

Clare was mired in poverty all of his life. He was malnourished during his youth, which contributed to his poor health later in life. At times he made his own paper by scraping birch bark, and he made his own ink with some dyes and rain water. Charity from his church kept him going until he published his first book of poetry.

John Clare married Martha Turner in 1820, the same year that he published his first book of poems. His “rural poetry” was relatively popular through the early 1820’s and Clare enjoyed some success throughout London. By the 1830’s the popularity of his poetry had diminished. Clare published 5 books of poetry during this period, each better than the previous, but each sold fewer copies than the previous.

Though Clare lived during the Industrial Revolution his early poems show his strong knowledge of the yearly cycles of the rural countryside. Clare gained a reputation for being able to write delightful descriptions of the natural beauties of the world and the details of raising animals and harvesting crops.

Friends and supporters helped Clare and his family move to a larger cottage, but with a wife and seven children Clare was unable to provide for his family adequately. He felt alienated in the new location and became more depressed. Stress and depression overtook Clare and he was admitted to a mental asylum in 1837. He had become delusional, imagining himself to be Lord Byron at times, Shakespeare at others, and sometimes a prizefighter or a son of George III.

He walked home from the asylum in 1841, about 100 miles, hoping that he would reunite with his first love, Mary Joyce. He had convinced himself that he was married to both his wife and Mary Joyce at the same time. He imagined that he had children with Mary Joyce as well. Disappointed and depressed at not finding her, Clare entered another asylum where he remained for the rest of his life.

He continued to write poetry as his health permitted while confined in the asylum. In fact some of his best love poems were written during the early years of this confinement. In all, Clare wrote over 3500 poems, about 400 of which were published during his lifetime. He composed his first poem, “The Morning Walk,” at age 13 after being inspired by reading a copy of James Thomson’s “The Seasons.”

The Poem

“First Love” is a memorable, romantic poem, written by a notable Romantic poet. The poem has inspired many readers who often strongly remember and easily quote the final stanza of the poem.

The poem is well constructed with a typical romantic rhythm and rhyme scheme. The rhyme is a consistent abab when the poem is read as six quatrains. The rhythm is generally composed of lines of iambic tetrameter, eight syllables with the even syllables being stressed. However, the rhythm is not consistent, especially as seen in the poem’s two final stanzas. To end his poem Clare utilizes a typical ballad meter with a tetrameter line followed by a trimeter line. This choice gives the end of the poem a musical quality.

Several similes and metaphors are evident in the poem. The metaphor in the final two lines has led to several different interpretations. Some feel that the lines mean that the poet has realized that his love is lost and will never be requited; the lines express rejection and loneliness. Others feel that the lines show that the poet is mentally unstable. Still others feel that the lines represent the romantic notion that one can lose oneself in love and be “head over heels” or “lost” in love.

First Love

Here’s how the poem starts:

I ne’er was struck before that hour

With love so sudden and so sweet.

Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower

And stole my heart away complete.

Like you would want your man to show you that he loves you a lot, your man too would like you to make him feel loved. Here is what you need to do when you want to shower your man with love and make him see how much you love him.

Show him how much you appreciate him

When you want to shower your man with love you will have to show him your appreciation of him. Show him that you value the things that he does for you and how much his contribution in your life matters to you. Your appreciation will make him see your love for him.

Show him that you are physically attracted to him

To shower a man with love you need to show him that you are physically attracted to him. Never hesitate to flirt with him, give him sexy compliments and don’t hesitate to give him sexy treats. This will make him very happy and will show him that you love him a lot.

Make him feel on top of your priority list

To shower your man with love you need to make him feel like he is on top of your priority list. You don’t have to leave everything that you are doing for him at all times but make sure that you are always there by your man’s side when he needs your help and support.

Pamper him but don’t make him feel suffocated

To shower your man with love you need to pamper him silly. But always make sure that you remain his partner and don’t get into the mother mode as that might make him feel suffocated with you. Spoil him- just don’t smother him.

Care for him and his needs

To shower a man with love you need to make him see that you genuinely care for him. When you show him that things and people who matter to him, matter to you and you try to keep them happy, your man feel truly loved.

Be understanding and compassionate

You need to be an understanding and compassionate women who is not clingy and in desperate need of attention at all times when you want to shower your man with love. Your compassion and understanding is going to make him feel warm and fuzzy with love.

Never be dismissive of him

Finally there might be times when you would want to write off your man. But never be dismissive of him especially if you want to shower him with love. Show him your respect and he will know that you love him.

I sometimes get emails from wives who ask me to translate what their husbands really mean when they either state directly or “let slip” comments like: “I don’t love you in the same way that I used to,” or “I don’t love you as much as I did in the beginning.” 

Of course, flip comments like these can cause a lot of anxiety and confusion.  Is he saying he doesn’t want to be married anymore?  Does he not find you attractive anymore? Is the spark gone and will or can it ever come back? Or, is he just projecting his disappointments in life or his stress level onto you because frankly, who does love their spouse in the exact same way that they did when they were first dating? This is an unrealistic expectation anyway, right?  I’ll address these concerns in the following article.

What A Husband Typically Means When He Says He Doesn’t Love You In The Same Way That He Once Did: Granted, hearing these words or implications can be a serious blow that gets your immediate attention.  No one wants to be told that they are being compared to bygone days and are coming up short.  I don’t mean to diminish this. But, I can tell you what husbands who find my blog tell me.  They often say that their wife is scattered in a million different places and that she just doesn’t have the time for them anymore.  She’s stressed.  She’s distracted.  She’s borderline angry all the time.  She treats him like he’s one of her children or a task on her to do list rather than the husband that she should desire and love.

Please understand that I’m not defending the accuracy of these perceptions.  I know as well as you do that they likely are not 100% accurate.  But I’m sharing this with you because I want you to have insight as to what you’re dealing with.  And, I want you to know that it’s very likely not the feelings of love and affection that have changed.  More than likely, it’s his perceptions about your relationship (and his place in it) that have evolved into something that he really doesn’t like all that much.

So where does this leave you?  Hopefully, with the knowledge that you’re probably not climbing uphill as much as you may think.  It’s likely not that you’re undesirable or that he doesn’t find you attractive anymore.  In fact, often men gauge the way that they feel about the women in their lives by how the women make them feel about themselves.  Think about it.  When a man is “in love” it’s usually because a woman has placed him at the center of her world, thinks that he is the only one for her, and places his happiness at the top of her priority list.  He makes her feel special, loved, and unique.  In turn, he feels like he’s worth something, that he’s able elicit all of these responses in you so that he must be doing something right.  This makes him feel just as unique, just as special, and just as attractive as you feel when you’re experiencing the same thing.

But right now, the level of attention and intimacy are less.  So, his perception of how he feels is reflected in this and is also lessened.  It’s the natural order of things, but it can be fixed and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t or can’t love you the way that he once did, it just means that he’s no longer getting the pay off or the responses that he once got because the attention level and the give and take have changed.

Changing His Perceptions About His Lack Of Feelings:  First off, you have to look at the advantages that you do have.  I know that you may not feel like you’re in a favorable position right now, but you actually are.  At least your husband is still trying to communicate with you and still values honestly.  Many wives don’t even get this and are only told about this falling out of love business after the husband is already thinking about divorce.  So, you do have that advantage.  Next, you likely have a very deep knowledge of what your husband values, what makes him respond strongly, and what behaviors you should avoid.  Don’t hesitate to use this.

I’ve already defined what I believe is almost always at the core of a husband who thinks he’s changed his feelings for you (neglect and a lack of intimacy) so your first course of business should be to address those things.   You don’t necessarily need to tell him what you’re going to be doing.  It’s more effective to just show him anyway.  Really begin to take an objective look at your marriage and honestly process what you see.  Shift your focus and your priorities so that your marriage and your husband jumps to the top of your list. 

This alone will usually cause at least some reaction.  However, you shouldn’t go so far as to come to a place where you appear to be desperate or not genuine.  Men generally don’t like to feel as though they are part of your game playing agenda so make sure that your actions come from a genuine place and that you really want to take any actions that you decide to follow up on.

And, don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your husband.  Don’t repeatedly ask him if he’s changed his mind or how he’s feeling now.  When you begin to have success with this, you’ll know it because he will begin to intimate more contact and intimacy.  You can generally literally feel the shift in attitude so much so that you won’t need to question where his head and his heart are.  You already know how he acts when he feels affectionate and happy so don’t annoy him by trying to pin him down.

Let things follow a natural progression.  Just focus on doing light hearted, fun things together that allow you to reconnect, anticipate more, and rediscover what you loved about one another in the first place.  So many women will fear that because they are no longer young, thin, and striking anymore that their husbands are never going to feel the same way about them.  This just isn’t true.  Men respond more to attention, affection, appreciation, and understanding than anything else.  They often tell me that they’d rather have an average looking wife who values them and makes them a priority than one who is drop dead gorgeous but ignores them or never makes the time.  Your enthusiasm, ability to make him feel good about himself, and your ability to make him feel appreciated and understood will likely go much further than you may think.

I often hear from wives who have some issues with whether their husbands are “in love” with them or not. And, if the husbands are, the wives often measure this love by degrees, as compared to how much the wife loves him. I often him comments like “my husband doesn’t love me nearly as much as I love him. I make all of the concessions and advances in the relationship. He never makes any effort or shows me any attention or affection. It’s as if he merely tolerates me. He doesn’t ask me about my day or make any effort to engage with me. It’s like I’m someone who just merely coexists. On a scale of one to ten, I love him on a level that’s an eleven. And he loves me on a level that’s about a one.”

I understand that this is a lonely and frustrating place to be. I experienced this in my own marriage and the way I handled this almost ended that same marriage. Through experience and research, it’s become pretty clear to me that there’s a right way and wrong way to handle this situation. I will discuss this more in the following article.

Score keeping Is Not The Best Idea For A Marriage. The Question Isn’t Which Spouse Loves The Other The Most: The Question Is Do Both Spouse’s Feel Loved?: I understand how depressing it feels when you suspect that you’re the only one who’s really “in love” or trying to keep the marriage afloat. But sometimes, wives focus so much on measuring how much their husband loves them against some imaginary yard stick that has few (if any) implications on real life. This doesn’t really do anything to change or improve their situation.

I often tell wives to give up comparisons and worry instead about whether they’re feeling loved, wanted and valued. Obviously, the answer is most likely to be negative, but at least you’ve shifted your focus from score keeping to something on which you can take concrete action.

It can also be very important to understand that men aren’t as demonstrative as women. So, expecting your husband to be a spouse that compares to you in terms of demonstrating their feelings may not be totally realistic. Very few husbands express their love and affection in the way that wives typically do. This doesn’t mean that they don’t love you enough. It just means that you’ll need to teach him how to express himself and you’ll need to encourage the behaviors that make you feel noticed, understood, and loved.

Some wives tell me that they resent having to do all the work and having to train their husband to do something that he should just automatically do. These points are certainly valid. But, in my experience, it’s better to give a little in exchange for getting what you truly want than to remain angry, frustrated and indignant while you’re not getting your needs met. It’s important to address and fix this before you yourself begin to withdraw. Because when you have to spouses who are on the edge of indifference, this can leave the marriage in real trouble.

When You’re Worried That Your Husband’s Lack Of Affection For You Means He’s Not Invested In The Marriage Or May Eventually Want Out: I often find that the wives who tell me that their husband’s don’t love them enough fall into two camps. The first is a situation where the marriage is probably really OK, but the husband has either gotten into the habit of not showing his affection or needs to relearn that lesson. This scenario is easier to fix.

The second scenario is that the husband’s lack of affection is due to issues within the marriage or with his no longer being invested in it. This is the scenario which you often can not afford to ignore. Because often, his withdrawing from you is a symptom of a much bigger problem. So, attempting to teach a husband to show you the feelings that just aren’t there isn’t likely to work.

Instead, you’ll need to examine why the feelings have left, fix and address the issue, and then reevaluate. This is likely easier said than done. Because in the same way that husband’s aren’t demonstrative, they also often don’t have a firm grip on their feelings and perceptions. They may well know that something is wrong and act upon it. But, unlike us, they don’t lay awake at night exploring and turning over the issue. They’re more reactive. When something is wrong, they withdraw and reshuffle their efforts instead of thinking about their feelings.

They may not even be aware that they are doing this or even understand why they are doing it. And that can be one reason that they insist that nothing is wrong or that you’re imagining things. Since they haven’t pondered what the issue is (or even that it exists) you look like a real nag or complainer when you address the symptom of it. That’s why you’re often much better off just working and acting on your own (especially at first.)

One of the biggest mistakes that I see many wives make is that they harp on a sensitive subject with an already distant and detached husband. So, they’re already on shaky ground and it’s clear he’s resistant, but they think that if they can just get him to “work” on solving the problem, things will get better. The problem with this is that he’s already begun to withdraw. He likely doesn’t want to “work” on the marriage, at least right now. You’ll have to return him to a point of being invested before you can gain any real ground.

Most wives understand this deep down, but they hesitate or rush because they don’t know how to get their husbands to be receptive to them again. The key is often to take inventory of the marriage and see where the husband might not be getting what he wants and then to provide that without needing to have any large or painful discussions about the same.

And, that’s a common place where wives get stuck. I often hear comments like “But how am I supposed to do this? I’m already the one whose providing all of the attention and affection and that’s not working either.” Often the question really isn’t the demonstrative affection (at least on the husband’s end.) The real issue is often the real connection, and the feeling of being truly heard, valued and understood. It’s also important that both parties know that no one is going through the motions, score keeping, nagging, or trying to manipulate the other.

I often tell wives to focus on what they can do very genuinely and convincingly. Husbands know when you’re just putting on a show or trying to overcompensate for what is really the underlying problem. They don’t want more of the same. They don’t want to be manipulated. They often want real change and improvements instead of worrying about how things look on the outside.

When looking to establish or keep a relationship, dating is a crucial element.

Love and romance are two essential elements of an intimate love relationship, and is what any good counselor will tell you when giving love advice.

It is important to never ever undervalue the power of an easy date. A date can bring love back into the relationship, as in, rekindle the old love.

The Course in Miracles further states, “Your peace lies in its limitlessness. Limit the peace you share, and your Self must be unknown to you.”

It is still important to comprehend dating and its importance if you are not in a severe relationship right now.

Dating is vital to consider for keeping your relationship alive and fresh if your relationship is that of marital relationship.

Dating can assist to conserve an otherwise failing marital relationship.

This doesn’t suggest that each date needs to be extremely romantic, or that you need to fork out a lot of dough or max out your credit card each time you date your wife or husband.

Oftentimes, simply just hanging around alone with your partner can be adequate to assist keeping the love alive.

Each night does not have to be a date, however understand that going on a date with your partner on a constant basis helps to ensure that love and that love remains a part of the relationship.

When it comes to why dating is important for your marriage, it is very important, as it prevents your other half from making assumptions.

Your better half might think that you would rather not be seen with her or him in public, or that you repent to display your relationship.

The best love advice will tell you that the lack of dating can likewise cause dullness and cause an “average,” relationship to decline below, even, “average”.

This can, regrettably, cause relationship difficulties and perhaps even separation or divorce.

In a previous session I discussed free information available on the web on the importance of commitment for healing a love relationship or saving the marriage.

To keep your relationship strong, you will desire to make a commitment to plan routine date activities with your partner.

Typical, popular, and standard date activities, such as dinner and a motion picture, are great, but it is also important to believe more within you and your mate how you have an inner connection, if you will.

Good love advice will state that distinct dating experiences can likewise assist to develop more love and improve your intimacy.

Uncommon and out of the regular dates when you date your wife, can be extremely romantic.

If you and your partner are parents, it is essential to understand that dating can be made complex, but it is still more than possible.

You might discover that it is rather difficult to get away without the kids, but it is crucial to discover a method!

There are several choices for parents, like you.

These options include hiring a babysitter or asking a relative to see the kids for a couple of hours.

Going out on dates when you are caring and loving moms and dads who have children takes mindful planning, however the effort is more than worth it.

When you are provided time alone, your relationship and intimacy levels can grow.

As a recap for this article’s love advice, I like dating because it can develop and nurture your relationship.

It can also assist to enhance ways to be intimate and your over-all intimacy, which is an essential component of a wonderful and healthy love relationship.

Bear in mind that a strong relationship often equates into more fun, love, and passion in the bedroom.

When looking to keep a relationship or develop, dating is a crucial component.

It is still crucial to comprehend dating and its significance if you are not in a major relationship right now.

Dating is a crucial factor in keeping your relationship fresh and alive if your relationship is that of marital relationship.

Each night does not have to be a date, however understand that going on a date with your spouse on a constant basis helps to guarantee that love and love stays a part of the relationship.

To keep your relationship strong, you will want to make a dedication to plan regular date activities with your partner.

(Please note, I also suggest seeking out the web for more helpful material on things like, happy married life and on the other hand when the ugly face of the divorce shouts out its ugliness.)

To success in love and life!