When you want to listen to a particular radio station, you tune your radio to that station, tuning in to a particular frequency. Same when you want to watch a particular show on TV. It is the frequency you tune into that determines what you hear and what you see.

Our brains operate in very much the same way, except that we have only two stations we can tune into – the ego station and the higher-self station.

The ego station is the station that originates in the programmed mind, which contains all our limiting beliefs that create our fears. The ego station is our wounded self, our false self – the protected self we learned to be as we were growing up and needed to find ways to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. Our ego wounded self is a closed circuit – it operates on old information that we acquired as we were growing up, information that is no longer relevant or even true. It is not open to new information. It is not open to truth.

The higher-self station is the station that taps into the unlimited information from the universe – information that is beyond the programmed mind. The higher-self station taps into the Source of truth that is always here to guide us in our highest good.

How do you tune your frequency to your higher-self station?

We have all been given a “dial” that either tunes us to the low frequency of our ego station, or to the high frequency of our higher-self station. This dial is our INTENT.

We have only two intents to choose from:

* The intent to get love and avoid pain with some form of controlling behavior

* The intent to learn about loving ourselves and others

The intent to have control over getting love and avoiding pain lowers our frequency and keeps us stuck in our limited mind – our ego mind. When we choose this intent/frequency, we are stuck thinking the thoughts – the lies – and taking the unloving actions, that create fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, stress, anger, jealousy, resentment, and so on. The ego frequency is the frequency of being a victim. We choose this frequency when we choose the intent to have control over getting love and avoiding pain.

At any moment, we can change our minds and choose the intent to learn – about what is in our highest good and the highest of all. We can choose to learn about our ego mind rather than stay stuck in it. The moment we choose the intent to learn about love, we raise our frequency and are able to access the higher-self station. This is like moving out of the limitations of our personal computer and into the Internet – only better. While some of the information on the Internet is true and some is not, all of the information we receive from the higher-self station is true – it comes from the Source of Truth.

The only thing that stops us from choosing the higher-self station is our addiction to control. The ego mind wants control over our feelings, over others’ feelings and actions, and over the outcome of things. When your desire for control is greater than your desire to be loving to yourself and others, and greater than your desire to live in truth, you will remain stuck in the ego station.

The ego station tells us that we can have control over things that we actually have no control over – others and outcomes. While we can have some control over our feelings with various addictions, this only leads to greater unhappiness. Our feelings are an inner guidance system, letting us know when we are on track or off track in our thinking and behavior, so suppressing them with addictions only lead to more pain.

You will discover great joy when you choose the intent to learn about loving yourself and others and access the incredible information that is yours when you are tuned into your higher-self station.

The Christ Consciousness. I was raised as a child in the Christian faith and never heard this term – much less its explanation. In fact, I never heard the term until I was in my 50’s…

What is it?

What it isn’t: it is not the historic personage called Jesus. Remember that he was ALSO called The Christ – Jesus the Christ. This was a title, a description of his STATE. That must mean that ‘the Christ Consciousness’ is a STATE…

Many spiritual traditions have their own names for this STATE. ‘The Buddha Enlightenment’ is one of the well-known ones. Sufism and Hinduism may use ‘The God Consciousness’.

And if we look closely at Jesus’ and Buddha’s words for the world, they all culminate in one single message: Anyone can achieve this State, too. Anyone.

What is this State, then?

Releasers of the Lester Levenson methodology call it ‘Freedom’ or ‘Beingness’. In his presentations, Lester also called it ‘Amness’, ‘Imperturbability’ and other names to help us understand.

Lester told us to get Ego out of the way entirely – in order to be naturally taken to The State.

Ego

Ego is the noisy part of us. “Ego”, as Lester defines it, is simply the name we give to our personal collection of Thoughts, Feelings and Mental Pictures.

Clearly, Thoughts rattle around non-stop in that space between our ears and create continual noise. Enough said.

Feelings are tangled up in virtually all Thoughts and Mental Pictures, but an easy way we can isolate them is by noticing them in our bodies. Tensions, cramps, discomforts, that invisible hand that grabs us by the chest or throat… We can also assign one of the major emotions from the Spectrum of Emotions to virtually every thought and picture (not that we need to, but it is possible).

Mental Pictures likewise represent noise, as they come back to haunt us – sometimes literally, in our nightmares! They can seriously distract us during the day – ever day-dreamed? Each picture has “a story”, or… Feelings and Thoughts that comprise it.

Releasing the Ego elements of thoughts, feelings and pictures leads a person gently to the Quietness.

The Quiet

As you let go of the noise of the Ego, the body and the mind – and indeed the world all around – get quieter and more peaceful. As you work on dismantling the Ego, this quietness comes and goes, but the natural culmination of continuously and relentlessly releasing the Ego is The State.

And The State means that the Quiet is continuous, permanent, and ever-present. The Cosmos unfolds before you in your full awareness. There are only Answers, as all your questions have dissolved. The union (Oneness) with all that is? You are very much aware of it!

At one moment out of time, as Ego drops away, you clearly and obviously “slip” into The State. There is no doubt about having “arrived” there. For me, it was instantly and obviously the safest state I had ever experienced. It was, at last, the experience of Eternity and Infinity.

From this newly-achieved State, a Releaser keeps on releasing Ego elements that still seem present – oh, yes! You will know when you are done…

So now I know what the Christ Consciousness is. I know that the messages of the millennia – that anyone can have this State – are true. I know that Lester Levenson’s process made it achievable, easy without gurus or ashrams or monasteries. I lived my ordinary life while dismantling Ego.

The State. Not a spiritual mystery. Not a mystery at all. It is Who and What You Are!

One of the hardest parts of a career change for lawyers is that it is an identity change. We are talking about an emotional attachment – not a business one. Remember the line from, “You’ve Got Mail” when Tom Hanks tells Meg Ryan, “It’s not personal, it’s just business” and Meg Ryan says, of course, it is personal to her. Her business is her, they are interchangeable! This is exactly why it is so difficult for lawyers to leave the law.

No matter how much we might know deep down that we really should do something else, it is so scary to think about a completely different life. When we think about introducing ourselves as something other than a lawyer at a cocktail party, it is unfathomable! I know that I hung my law degree high and proud when I first left the law. I wanted everyone to know I was indeed a lawyer, even if I was now a career counselor too!

So, how to you go about leaving the law with this huge obstacle in the way – this huge obstacle – called your ego! Well, the first thing I teach is to get some distance. It is very difficult to find a passion when you are immersed in the world of lawyers. The best thing to do is to get some new friends. Or if you have non-lawyer friends, hang out with them more.

You may be tuning out your gut. If you allow yourself to open up and be open to new ideas, opportunities will come to you. In fact, they already do come to you but you do not see them because you are not open to them. “Following your gut” is a skill that all people own, but it is similar to a muscle that needs to be exercised or it will atrophy! This muscle may be a bit flabby on youand need some working out.

Your assignment is to practice following your gut on small things in your life, including what to wear, where to eat, what invitations to respond to (yes and no), etc. Don’t think, just decide and move on. Scott, my husband says, “STICK AND MOVE!” No more “paralysis of analysis”, (or at least no more of it in your personal life).

Sign up for a class or pursue an interest that is not related to practicing law at all, but you have had a long standing interest in. Even if it might not be something you could make a living doing, go ahead and sign up! Most of the time we lawyers spend so much energy building up this image that we know everything and are perfectly in control of every area of our life. This is partly because the cost of hiring a lawyer is quite high, and we simply can’t let our clients know we have any insecurities or might have to look something up (god forbid). But the unintended result of this behavior is that we lose touch with our gut and put an enormous amount of weight on the title, “lawyer”, and we are particularly bad at being “new” or asking for help.

This can be a big stumbling block to leaving the law. That is, we are sure that in order to find a career we can be passionate about, we will first have to be a newbie and that is so painful we would rather plug away at a career that is slowly killing us. But, by taking a class in something you will decidedly NOT be good at, you are flexing that muscle. In that process, you will learn that it isn’t so bad to be new, it is actually liberating to ask for help, it is fun to be outside of your comfort zone and you may actually meet some new people and enjoy yourself!

Extra Credit: When you get there (to the class you are taking or however you chose to fulfill the assignment), be open. You can’t sit there with a negative attitude and think, “I have heard all of this before”, or “this better work”, or “I have tried everything and this stuff doesn’t work.” By acting and thinking like this, you will be actually blocking yourself from any of this working. What are you waiting for? Remember, your time is now! This is your turn to be happy, to be passionate, and to live life to the fullest.

Live your Life’s Career!

Jennifer Loud Ungar

Did you know that iguanas were a relative of lizards? These creatures are among exotic animals people tend to make as their pets in modern day society. Due to this trend, many pet shops are selling iguanas at a relatively low price. Those being sold are typically young in age. What is the reason for people’s interests? They find iguanas as a cute animal so they get excited and what to take them home as pets. However, these reptiles do grow bigger and have the tendency to get aggressive.

While iguanas can make a wonderful pet; people should never forget they like other pets, they need proper food and care. It is necessary to learn how the iguana and their habitat works in order to give them the proper care they need to grow.

So what is an iguana? How are they similar to lizards? What are the iguana’s characteristics and are they harmful? Remember that iguanas are similar to lizards and they belong in the same family but to be more specific about them they belong in the family Iguanidae.

Iguanas are seen as invasive creatures that can be found on the shores of Gasparilla Island and along the gulf of Florida coastline. They can be seen attics of houses and along the beach. However, they thrive better while they are in the desert and rain forests as a wild animal.

There are many iguana species. They vary because of their environment in which they settle. Some live on dry lands while some grow better in the rain forests. Some iguanas can even be seen in the sea. Those are called marine iguanas. They are green iguanas which are commonly found in Mexico and the South American countries especially Brazil. They are classified into four different but major names: marine iguana, green iguana, blue iguana and lesser Antillean iguana. As for eating, iguanas are well known for being herbivores, which means they eat leaves, fruits and plant parts.

Like other animals, how they look and behave vary. Basically, how a male and female look and act are different from one another. When a male feels territorial, it will fight hard with other male iguanas even if they may not win the battle. This is due to being supreme iguana over the area. Sometimes male iguanas will seek out other male iguanas to wage war. Like human beings, the iguana has an ego and it mainly says they need to be the most powerful in a certain territory. They will wage wars and mate with the female iguanas.

Other Interesting Iguana Facts

Iguanas have the tendency to be arboreal. What does this mean? It boils down to dwelling in trees. It is very natural for them to stay in trees as well as climb on things. They can lay eggs, which may or may not make it due to predators and iguanas can live up to 30 or so years.

Should you really want to keep an iguana as a pet, there are things to take into consideration when caring for them. The iguana’s cage should be cleaned out on a regular basis and be very big to let the iguana grow.

The iguana will need proper lighting, a good supply of heat and last, but not least, water. They will need to be fed daily and properly be fed to keep them in wonderful physical shape. An iguana should see a vet for a yearly checkup. Once all these things have been contemplated and they are understood, then perhaps you are ready for an iguana as a pet.

Ego also means personality, character, self-image, sense of self, opinion of self, self-worth and self-esteem. A man’s ego or sense of self is so important to him that he uses his all to defend and protect it from all impact, including the result of his own mistakes.

When a man’s ego is hurt by his superiors, he has a hard time picking himself up again. He usually transfers aggression to his subordinates or spouse and even female friends.

If a man’s ego is rubbished by his subordinates or spouse, he punishes the act in such ferocious ways that are; most of the time, not comparable to the hurt he has suffered but always in measures far worse. This is what translates to high-handedness in the conduct of many a man. It makes women and children wonder where the love the man had professed for them traveled to.

Man is a pack of ego. This understood, wives can keep their husbands close to their hearts’ desire if they could but be meek enough to deliberately massage the ego of their husbands regularly. This is not to be done derisively. It should be done as a normal duty. All considered, a woman is actually supposed to focus all her attention and desires on her husband. Putting the man up as the lord and master out of the woman’s own volition appears, in my opinion, as a cool way to focus one’s attention and desire on one’s husband.

There should be no fear of subjugation. Praises move even the gods to do more for mortals. How much less mortal men? Experiences have shown that when men are put up as wonderful they behave exactly that way and when they are put up as rags, they behave exactly the same way.

In fact, it is the physical, verbal and mental effort of women to prove equality with men that lead to subjugation. Intrinsically, women are superior to men, especially in the spiritual and emotional plane. These two areas rule the life of human beings more than the sheer physical superiority of most men.

Men would resist any efforts to prove superior to them in the physical and mental sense. But when the superiority is on the spiritual and emotional plane, they do not even understand exactly what is happening. They don’t stand a chance. In fact, they view all acts by the female folks that enhance their spiritual and emotional capacities and superiority as a sign that women have acceded all powers to them. Think about some of the time when women cry, men’s hearts are melted naturally.

It seems to me that a woman would get the best part of her man if she set him up as superior in the mental and physical aspects while she rule him where it mattered most – with her spiritual and emotional superiority. This means that women would need to enhance their spirituality and sharpen their emotional language skills.

It is possible for a woman to very easily sharpen her emotional language skill and her spiritually be reading from the best books and applying the principles contained therein. It is the duty and place of every woman to work her relationship. This is basically what is being required here. Many a woman has erroneously believed that getting a husband is the end of the journey. Actually, getting a husband is just the beginning of a long story.

Attitudes, character and disposition of both men and women in a relationship need continuous improvement. Deliberately looking out for what to do to improve and support your spouse is what best describes marriage which I have just recently learnt that it is not a noun but a verb meaning a doing word.

This is a new theory. Let us share our understanding of it, criticize it, review it and prove it worthwhile or useless.

Individual’s who have been induced at birth to the zodiac sign of Leo are usually the center of attention at any party. They like to entertain, and usually have charismatic personalities. They are always on the go, and have something to do. They are interested in material well-being but not to the point of greed. If you in pursuit of a Leo, there are a number of things you need to know on how to win a Leo’s heart.

Leo’s are usually creative leaders. They put a lot of effort into their work and like to get praised. If you are a woman in pursuit of a Leo’s heart, take notice of this point! Leo men definitely like to have their ego stroked.

It is definitely worth while to get the love of a Leo. Once hooked, a Leo will devote himself to his partner. If you are trying to get his attention, make sure you are appreciative of all of his efforts.

Take notice even of the small things. In the end, if successful you will in turn become the center of his attention. Since he is affectionate to the finer things in life, his devotion will lead him to share not only his love but his things with his girl.

If you are a man in pursuit of a Leoness you will definitely want to show her with your attention. She is driven and dedicated to all aspects of her life. She likes to achieve, and when she does, she likes to get attention for her efforts. She is interested in what life has to offer materially. Leo women are interested in the nice restaurants and the nice gifts that come along with a romantic date.

Whether you are interested in a man or woman Leo, if successful in your pursuit they in turn will be totally dedicated. It is a characteristic of Leo to dedicate themselves to what they enjoy and love most, especially their partners.

Do you know what overvalued ideation is?

Do you know what ego-syntonic OCD is?

This is simply when the part of the brain that deals with anxiety has, in a way, joined with the reasoning part of the brain and this causes the person to no longer be able to see the irrationality in their OCD rituals. It may be possible that they never were able to see the irrationality in their rituals.

Most people with OCD can see that the rituals that they feel like they have to do make no sense. A person with a character-logical disorder like overvalued ideation, will not see this. Basically a character-logical disorder is when a person has a dysfunctional disposition in most if not all aspects of their functioning.

It’s really tough to be able to distinguish this in ourselves or in other people and it is better left to the professionals. If you feel like you may have something more deeper than OCD, get checked out by a doctor and a psychologist and see if you do, if you do, get the proper treatment. Non treatment may be worse for you and could cause your condition to get worse. If you find out, however, that you just have OCD, then consider this good news, because there is a cure for OCD.

That cure is to face the anxiety that is associated with the OCD and refuse to perform rituals, it’s going to feel like hell at first, but this is the most effective way in existence, period.

Take action: Seek medical advice for anything that you may feel is not OCD. As far as the OCD is concerned, get a good program that will help you get over your OCD and preferably talk to someone who has gotten over it because they can help you do what they have done usually with better success than someone who has never had it as long as they are able to describe what they did to get over it themselves.

You’re young, you’re full of energy and you want to hit the gym to workout and start lifting weights. So how do you make the most of your gym time, get stronger and build bigger muscles in the shortest period of time?

If you’re in your teens or twenties, to truly maximize your results you need to control your ego first. It’s not easy – especially since the number one reason young people start lifting weights is insecurity. Arnold Schwarzenegger went on to be the biggest bodybuilding star in history – but he began because his brother was always beating him up and his Dad referred to him as his ‘daughter’. Nimrod was a common name in Africa, but when Nimrod King moved to Canada the kids teased him mercilessly – and he went on to be the Canadian bodybuilding champion. There are plenty of other examples, but suffice it to say that there can be a lot of emotion, and ego, wrapped up in your decision to hit the gym.

Many others start lifting weights because they want to improve in sports – at school, after school or on the weekends. While that’s an admirable and appropriate decision, ego often enters the picture once they get into the gym and see others there, or have teammates or competitors working out there too. It’s easy to get caught up in it all, especially if your local gym has a number of immature, insecure older lifters working out there – the kind that egg you on or tease less experienced or less strong athletes like yourself.

Here’s the scoop – you will never be able to build strength, build muscles or burn off bodyfat as easily as you can in your teens and twenties. You are in the ‘sweet spot’ for hormones right now, especially testosterone. Bodybuilding for teens is like a snowball rolling downhill – every year you get bigger and stronger, and every year your efforts get you further as your testosterone increases. Bodybuilding for people in their twenties is like cruising at high speed – your testosterone levels continue to rise til about the age of 24 and then levels off, with not nearly as much downgrade as you’ll experience in your thirties and beyond. With adrenaline, testosterone, growth hormone and the like creating a ‘growth cocktail’ in your bloodstream, your teens and twenties are definitely the best time to lay the groundwork for a fantastic body for life…

This is GREAT news for boys in their teens and men in their twenties – it means you can put on more muscle and build strength faster, so off to the gym you go regularly. It’s also great news for girls in their teens and women in their twenties… You won’t need to worry about building huge muscles, as your levels of testosterone are much, much lower. But you’ll still get strong quickly, and your muscles will be noticeable by their shape and density as opposed to their size. And teens and twenties of both sexes will love the way their bodyfat levels drop as they burn of their remaining ‘babyfat’.

But this is where ego usually takes over… Gyms are full of guys working their chests and arms like crazy, with only a bit of work for their backs and legs. You see the results on beaches everywhere – young men with a stunning upper body and chicken legs (maybe that’s why board shorts have replaced Speedo-style bathing suits). For the ladies, they’ll spend hours on a treadmill, running at a steady pace the whole time, and maybe – just maybe – do a bit of light work with the smaller dumbbells. He’s chasing bigger arms, she’s chasing lower fat levels and a fit-looking body.

Not only are both on the wrong course, but both are wasting the best anabolic window of their lives!

Since your body chemistry is making this the best time of your life physically, this is the time to use the most powerful lifts to multiply your results. Forget doing a lot of isolation exercises for your chest and arms, men – in fact, at your age training arms directly is unnecessary. They’ll get more than enough growth and strength gains from the big compound moves you use to build your biggest muscles. And ladies – nothing will burn more fat and make you stronger than doing the exact same exercises as the men.

What you need to focus on is squats, deadlifts, bent rows, pullups (eventually weighted pullups), bench press and upright rows. Period. Those 6 exercises, done correctly with the right amount of weight, will build you all over – your biceps, triceps and forearms will get stronger and bigger just from being the assistants during your big lifts. For the boys and men, decide whether your main goal is size or strength – while the two go hand-in-hand to a large degree, different workouts favour one over the other. For strength, keep your reps low – keep to just 5 reps per set, using the heaviest weight you can move while keeping perfect form and completing 5 to 10 sets of each exercise. To shift the focus to size, lift weights that just allow you to get in 8 – 12 reps, taking about 4 to 6 seconds per rep, for 4 or five sets.

Most girls and women, on the other hand, aren’t training for muscle size but for strength and speed for other sports or simply to be stronger, plus reducing and maintaining lower bodyfat levels. For this, use the same sets and reps scheme as above for building strength. Start off with whatever weights you can properly handle at the start, no matter how light, and add more weight as your body strengthens. Don’t let anyone in the gym give you a hard time or tell you what you should be lifting – go by the strength you currently have and raise the amount of weight you lift as your body allows. Forget all the little ‘toning’ and ‘shaping’ exercises you hear about or read about – nothing will burn more calories than the big compound lifts like squats and deadlifts.

Sticking to those ‘Big-6’ exercises for at least your first couple of years in the gym will put you well on the path to the best physique your genetics will allow. Mixing in a lot of cardio or isolation exercises will just rob you of energy you could be putting into your compound lifts, and slow down the time your body takes to recover from each workout – obviously the greater your energy output, the longer the recovery time. If you still feel like you have a lot of energy after your workout, next time add one more set to each exercise or simply slow down each rep – either will move you further ahead.

On the subject of steroids and other injectables, it’s simple: you don’t need them and you don’t want them, no matter what your coach, buddies or local gym rats tell you. Male or female, if you work out consistently lifting heavy weights it’s still going to take you YEARS to even get close to your genetic potential, so why waste your money on enhancements now while your body’s got that powerful NATURAL mix going on to help you in your quest?

One other benefit you derive from your hormonal cocktail is faster recovery between workouts, assuming you make sure you get your 8 hours of sleep a night or more – remember your body only repairs and rebuilds while you’re asleep. For most people in their teens and twenties the best results in the gym will come from a full-body workout done on three non-consecutive days per week – Monday, Wednesday Friday or Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, for example. Be sure to learn about and follow healthy nutrition guidelines and stay hydrated, get enough sleep and you’ll be shooting towards your best body at a rapid pace – just try your best not to let your ego become a series of speedbumps along the way or, worse yet, lead you down a dead-end street. If you’re going to be lifting weights and expending all that energy in the gym it would be foolish to settle for anything less than the best possible results!

We all have egos. The ego is the psychological “I” within us, an integral part of our identity. Strong egos are important. They tell us that we are valuable, competent, and solid inside. The ego is formed from early childhood. It develops as a result of positive, consistent, loving interactions with the parent(s). If a child feels wanted and is treated with love and respect, he feels positive and secure about himself. He values his uniqueness as a reflection of his parents’ communication of this to him through their consistent words and behaviors.

Some children have damaged egos. They feel diminished, insecure, and ashamed. They have great difficulty asserting themselves. They stay in the background, unable to speak up for themselves or defend themselves when they have been wronged. Inside they feel fragile, small and insignificant.

The narcissist has a highly inflated ego. He experiences himself as vastly superior, more intelligent, talented, creative, and attractive than others. The narcissist’s sense of self importance has no limits. He is unaware and unconcerned about the feelings of others. All that matters is that he gets what he wants.

His sense of self is grandiose to the point of being delusional. He engages in endless self talk: a running torrent of his brilliant ideas and accomplishments.

“The narcissist expects others to mirror him perfectly…he expects you, in your words, gestures, and actions, to feed back to him his flawless vision of himself.” If the narcissist thinks that you have failed to acknowledge his perfection and superiority, he feels emotionally bruised and injured. Even the smallest oversight on the part of a business partner, family member, spouse or friend is felt by the narcissist as a wound. The narcissist has been slighted. Inside he feels diminished. As a result, he is enraged. Although the narcissistic ego is grandiose, it is brittle. It lacks elasticity and flexibility.

Those who have a healthy pliable ego can tolerate the slings and arrows that strike us all the time. Humor is the soothing balm, the respite, the exquisite poke that allows us to laugh at ourselves. The narcissist may appear to make fun of himself but this is disingenuous. He is not capable of experiencing the joy of a fully developed sense of humor. From childhood the narcissist developed a false self as a result of parental expectations that he/she was perfect and superior to everyone else. Beneath the false facade the narcissist unconsciously feels worthless and fraudulent. The narcissist’s perception that others are not treating him with the ultimate respect and obedience that he deserves, activates the tripwire of his narcissistic wounds and slights.

The purpose of ego boundaries is to protect the self. And through having these in place, one will know the difference between who they are and who someone else is. They allow for ones inner space to be protected and looked after.

These are not visible to the naked eye like a physical body is. And although everyone has a physical body, it does not mean that everyone has ego boundaries that are invisible.

As ego boundaries are what make one feel safe or unsafe and not the physical body itself; it shows how important they are.

Muscle Building

This may partly explain why so many men and even women have become obsessed with gaining muscle. To compensate for their lack of ego boundaries and the sense of safety that they bring, one looks to create this inner safety by strengthening and armouring their body. I will go deeper into this in a future article.

Benefits

There are many benefits to having ego boundaries. When one has them, they will feel safe to be who they are and on top of that – they will know who they are. This has got to be the primary reasons for having them.

Not only will one know who they are, but they will feel that it is safe enough for them to be themselves. Once this is the case, many other benefits will occur as a consequence.

The relationships that one has will also be a lot more fulfilling. For if one feels safe within and protected, the fear of losing oneself in another will not be there or it will have very little effect.

Opening up to the world and what the world has to offer will also be possible, without fearing that one’s personal space will be invaded. And if it is, one will have the personal strength to set appropriate limits.

Knowing what one wants, needs, desires and what their preferences are will also be normal to this person. And this is due to ego boundaries allowing one to be in tune with what is right for them. Instead of being caught up in what others want one to do or following others in order to feel safe within.

Approval

As one feels safe within to follow their own purpose and all that that means to them, there will not be a strong need to gain the approval of others. This will naturally make one feel free within. Having an inner centre will also be possible and this means that a sense of wellbeing will have a greater chance of being experienced.

No Ego Boundaries

For the person with no ego boundaries, it can create feelings of being: invisible, nonexistent, vulnerable, empty, and wide open to the world. This means that one will not feel safe to be who they are or that they are protected.

There are obviously extremes to this. Even though this could relate to someone who is shy or unconfident for example, it could also relate to someone who is overbearing, overconfident and loud.

However, being taken advantage of and compromised are often consequences for people who have no ego boundaries. This person may find it easy to say yes, but extremely difficult to say no. Through being wide open to the world, one is unlikely to feel safe enough to say no, for the fear of what may happen.

Knowing what their needs, wants, preferences and desires are will be difficult; it will be hard for them to know the difference between what’s theirs and what’s other peoples. And so this means that they are likely to need more approval than people who have strong ego boundaries; simply because they don’t have the same sense of inner safety and protection.

Relationships

For the person who have weak or nonexistent ego boundaries, relationships are unlikely to be rewarding or fulfilling. Here, one may end up becoming either enmeshed to others or avoid them all together.

So if they become enmeshed they will lose the identity that they do have and take on whatever identity they feel will please others. And if they avoid relationships for the fear of losing themselves, then it is only going to lead to pain and suffering.

These two options don’t give one much to work with and very little to feel empowered about.

Two Experiences

People who have strong ego boundaries are having a completely different experience to people who have them. Having no ego boundaries is the recipe for leading a life that is without fulfilment, true happiness, real success or fulfilling relationships. One can feel like a doormat and that there presence on this earth is irrelevant.

When one has boundaries, it can only lead to a more fulfilling existence. Knowing what one wants, experiencing richer relationships, feeling safe to be oneself and protected are just a few benefits

If we were to take two people, one with strong ego boundaries and another with no ego boundaries we would see that they are both human beings. So why are they so different from each other?

Childhood

As a baby one has no ego boundaries, it is when one starts to develop into a child that they should develop. This is because as a baby one doesn’t know the difference between themselves and the caregiver. Through the mother’s empathic care, which is made up of mirroring, validating and attuning to the baby’s needs, it begins to form a sense of individuality.

The baby will sense that it is safe to have needs and that its needs are different to the mothers needs. And this will enable the baby to internalise this model; creating associations of safety and of being protected.

If the one has a caregiver that is unempathic as a baby it will lead to the opposite things happening. The baby’s needs will largely be ignored and covered up with the mothers needs. And through this, the baby will have no connection to its needs. What it will learn is to tune into the needs of others.

What this will result in is not only the loss of ones needs being taken care of, but the loss of a self being created. It is through the mirroring and validating of one’s needs as a baby and then as a child, that allows one to form a self.

The association is, if my needs are ignored then I can’t exist either. Having a caregiver that forces their needs onto the baby and denies the bays needs, is a result of the caregiver having boundaries problems. Perhaps their childhood was the same and carried out the same behaviour.

This means that through their own lack of boundaries they are unlikely to recognise the baby’s personal space. So situations where the caregiver overwhelms, smothers, abandons and rejects the baby are going to be common.

Awareness

What I have described above is just a general guideline and this means that there could be other variations or causes.

These early experiences created the ego minds associations and these associations then become how one perceives others and themselves. They are not the truth; they are simply what have become familiar to the ego mind.

And what is classed as familiar to the ego mind is what is interpreted as safe. This means that as these associations change, one will begin to develop ego boundaries.

How long this process takes will depend on numerous factors. Finding the appropriate support will make a big difference. A good therapist may be needed, for others a supportive friend or book may do.