One thing you can count on during the first days of school is the inevitable question of “What did you do over the summer?” Here are a few creative ways to describe your summer experiences for the first edition of Show and Tell.

 

1. Flip Books

Create a moving picture of your summer fun with a flip book. Start out with a Post-It pad or a pocket-sized spiral notebook. Draw the first picture on the last sheet of paper and work your way to the first page by changing the picture little by little. For instance, if you learned how to surf over the summer, you might start with a picture of you lying on a surfboard in calm waters. The next picture could show the waters growing a little choppier. The following drawings could be of you slowly turning, then standing on the board as the wave grows larger, and so on.

 

2. Summer Collage

Illustrate your summer happenings with one of my favorite forms: collages. Simply use glue to cover a poster board or even several small postcard-sized papers with magazine cutouts, sections of road maps, photographs, movie and concert ticket stubs, restaurant menus, train schedules, and any other mementos from your summer.

 

3. Map It

Instead of just telling the class where you went and what you did, pinpoint our summer destinations and activities on a map. If you stayed close to home, use a local road map. If you were able to travel to several cities and states, use a countrywide map. Glue magazine cutouts of activities, or actual photos of your fun onto the map. For example, if you went to a dude ranch in Dallas, glue a picture of a horse onto the map in Dallas. If you visited Mount Rushmore, glue a photo of your family onto the map in South Dakota. The same goes for rock climbing, swimming, snorkeling, and anything else you had a chance to enjoy over the summer months.

 

4. Seashell Memories

Capture every fun moment of summer vacation on seashells. If you didn’t get a chance to go to the beach, don’t worry-most craft and hobby stores sell bags of seashells. Use acrylic paint and a clean paintbrush to paint pictures inside the shells. My son’s summer shells feature an octopus in the ocean (from snorkeling-we didn’t actually see an octopus, but he wishes he had), a colorful clown from a friend’s birthday party, an airplane in the clouds, and the night sky filled with stars and a bright crescent moon.

Having a skinny bony chest is no laughing matter, especially for a guy. Everywhere we look we are bombarded with images of huge pecs and barrel-chest dudes and made to feel that a big muscular chest is the epitome of masculinity.

While a lot of this is garbage used by the media to sell products and engineer society, there is an ancient idea that a muscular chest denotes a more attractive and confident man. Just a take a quick look at any ancient Greek or Roman statue and you’ll rarely see a skinny chest.

The benefits of putting some solid muscle on your skinny chest are not just superficial. Having stronger pecs will improve your posture and prevent drooping shoulders – this will help you avoid back problems and likewise improve your confidence, since posture has a lot to do with how we feel.

Below you’ll find 3 great exercises that you can use to put some rock hard muscle on your skinny chest and cover up those bones. I’ve chosen them since they work the 3 major areas of the pectoral muscles (outer, inner and upper pecs). A lot of skinny guys make the mistake of focusing on just one area and end up under-developing the rest.

3 Exercises To Get Rid of a Skinny Chest:

Bench Press

This is the absolute king of chest exercises and without a doubt the most famous. You must perform this one regularly to get rid of your skinny chest.

Lie flat on a weights bench and grab the bar with your hands a little over a shoulder-width apart. Lift the bar off the rack and slowly lower towards your chest, and stop when the bar is around an inch off your chest – don’t let it rest or bounce off your chest, like you see a lot of folks in the gym doing…this is not only dangerous but it reduces the effectiveness of the exercise. Now push the bar back up until your arms are almost straight – never lock your elbows.

This is one rep…perform 6-10 reps and 3 sets on a weight that means it is difficult to complete the set.

The standard way of performing this exercise above works the entire chest with an emphasis on the outer pecs (if your grip is a little over a shoulder-width apart). You can work the upper pecs by inclining the bench upwards, or the lower pecs by inclining the bench downwards.

Dumbbell Flyes (or cable crunch)

This is a fantastic exercise for the inner pecs and getting that great line down the middle of the chest.

Lie back flat on a weights bench with a dumbbell in each hand. Hold them up above your chest with arms slightly bent. Then slowly lower the dumbbells one to each side in an arc so that they come level with your chest and your arms are out to the side. From here arc them back up to the start position, making sure you focus on the inner pecs and trying to “squeeze” them as much as possible.

Perform 6-10 reps and 3 sets of these. Again you work the upper pecs by inclining the bench. You can also perform this exercise standing up by utilizing a Cable Crunch machine. I personally recommend you use free weights wherever possible to get rid of a skinny chest as they will help you to build muscle and get stronger faster but the cable crunch is a great alternative.

Overhead Dumbbell Presses

These are brilliant for the upper pecs and shoulders in particular.

Sit up straight on a bench with a back support, and grab a dumbbell in each hand. Lift them to the start position which is either side of your head just above your shoulders with palms facing forward.

From here lift the weights up straightening your arms and bringing the weights together above your head. Hold for a second and then slowly lower them to the start position. Repeat for 3 sets of 6-10 reps.

Focus the effort on your pecs and not so much on your arms to get the maximum benefit from this exercise.

Bonus: Push-ups

If you can’t get access to a gym or any weights then I highly recommend you start doing push-ups for your skinny chest. These are still an extremely versatile exercise and you can work your whole chest area simply by changing your grip width, inclining your feet, changing the pace of each rep, using a gym ball to support your feet and loads of other techniques.

The key to success with push-ups is consistency and incrementation. By gradually increasing your number of reps each day you will be amazed at how quickly you’ll get rid of your skinny chest and develop big muscular pecs.

On a recent episode of Dr. Phil, he invited the founders of Love Systems (formerly known as The Mystery Method) and Ross Jeffries (founder of Speed Seduction) to talk about their business, techniques for picking up women, and basically giving everyone an idea about what they’re about.

Dr. Phil seemed nonconfrontational, given the target demographic for his program and the fact that the episode was titled “Women Beware”, and likened learning how to meet women to the fact that women wear pushup bras, makeup, and take a lot of time to work on their appearance. If women can take steps to make themselves more attractive, then why shouldn’t guys be able to learn the same thing?

Mystery Method guys defended their method, claiming that people have to learn a good way to approach. If the way you start a conversation is boring and uncreative, then you’re likely to just get tuned out, and the girl won’t get a chance to know you. Both the women on the program said the Mystery Method techniques were really interesting and caught their attention, and they were a lot different from what they were used to hearing and being approached with (drunk dudes and sleazy guys).

Then Ross Jeffries came on and Dr. Phil seemed to be more aggressive towards him, perhaps because the image he portrays in his advertising is mysogynistic. But Jeffries has always claimed that the way to draw attention to his product is through really blunt, offensive, locker room talk, while the actual tone of the product is a lot more positive. Jeffries commented that Dr. Phil’s producers do the same thing, taking the most provocative clips from the shows to get people to watch (but this rebuttal was cut from the show). He also went on to attack the Mystery Method company, saying that they teach techniques that are destructive to woman’s self-esteem and can have negative long-term reprecussions.

In actuality, even though there’s a lot of negative press surrounding both these groups and the idea of guys learning how to pick up women, and the fact that the competiting seduction gurus often get into drawn out battles with each other, the fact is beneath all of this are just some good, common sense ideas. Both these methodologies (Mystery Method and Speed Seduction) place an emphasis on improving yourself and your lifestyle to become a more attractive person. Both place an emphasis on drawing boundaries about who you are and what kind of behaviour you’ll accept from people. The Mystery Method is based on telling interesting stories which portray attractive qualities about yourself, which is something that most cool people do anyway. I’m sure a lot of you have friends that tell the same kind of stories the first time they’re meeting new people, it’s just that they’re not really that consciously aware that they’re using the same stories over and over again. Speed Seduction, on the other hand, teaches you to learn certain patterns and phrases to make your speech more persuasive and interesting. When you look at some of the romanticists that have existed over the years, people like Casanova, you’ll find that they use the same kind of descriptive language, they just didn’t consciously try and learn and apply techniques to acquire this manner of speech. Or maybe they did?

The overall reaction of the studio audience was pretty positive, and as the show went on and the guests got a chance to explain their side of the story, they started to win over the audience. Savoy, of Mystery Method, later said that there doesn’t have to be this negative image of the seduction community. If you’ve thought about making improvements to your social skills, there’s plenty of material and information out there to help you do. You don’t have to have money, looks, or fame to get the kind of success and social life that you really want, you just have to make the decision to get out there and socialize, and now you have the tools out there to help you improve.

Lots of men are sole men – dudes with a particular “thing” for feet. As a matter of fact, some experts believe that a foot fetish is the most common fetish, especially among men. But does a foot fetish come with any potential penis health concerns? Actually, depending upon how the foot fetish is played out in practice, there could be an increased risk of jock itch among men with this proclivity.

The foot fetish

A 2006 research study found that fetishes that involve body parts (or objects associated with body parts, such as shoes) are the most common, and that feet and/or toes are the most popular body parts for sexual fetishizing.

When most people think of a foot fetish, they tend to picture a man who worships the foot. He may touch, stroke, sniff, or kiss a foot which he finds attractive. As he does this, he becomes more and more aroused. Often he masturbates his penis while touching or kissing the foot in question, achieving a more intense orgasm as a result of the contact with the foot.

But there are other ways in which the foot fetish may be acted out. For example, sometimes the fetish focuses on the shoe which has contained the foot, and he may fondle or kiss the shoe as he masturbates. Or rather than masturbating himself as he kisses a foot, he may instead ask the owner of the foot to rub his erect penis with the foot, or may position himself to rub his penis against a stationary foot.

The jock itch concern

It’s in this latter type of scenario – one in which there is direct physical contact between the foot and the penis itself – that the potential concern about jock itch more likely arises.

To understand why, it’s necessary to know a little about jock itch. Also called tinea cruris, jock itch is a fungal infection that can affect the penis, scrotum, buttocks and crotch. It presents as a red rash and, as its nickname suggests, can be extremely itchy.

As a fungal infection, jock itch thrives in hot, moist places – such as the crotch. And it’s very contagious (which is one reason a guy shouldn’t share underwear with another guy).

But here’s the thing: the fungus that causes jock itch is basically the same one that causes athlete’s foot. And so if a man is rubbing a foot all over his penis, or is rubbing his penis all over a foot, and that foot has a fungus – it may easily get spread to the penis and cause a case of jock itch. (There is also a similar risk if a man places a sock, stocking or shoe on his penis; if the wearer of that item has athlete’s foot, the fungus may have spread to the item and may then spread to the penis in question.)

Similarly, a man with jock itch can pass his fungus off to a partner’s foot by physical contact between the two.

Treatment

Men with a foot fetish should ideally ask the owner of any feet they fetishize if they have any foot conditions. Barring that, a man should inspect the foot for signs of a fungal infection, and avoid penile contact if signs are present.

But, though an annoyance, jock itch does respond well to treatments. Keeping the area dry and free from irritation and using any number of jock itch treatments (most of which are over-the-counter) generally brings relief in a few days. A doctor may also be consulted.

Whether from a foot fetish or not, jock itch can dry the skin, so using a superior penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil, which is clinically proven mild and safe for skin) is advised. Find a crème with both she abutter and vitamin E, two well-regarded moisturizers that can help treat dry penis skin. It also pays to find a crème that contains vitamin B5. Also called pantothenic acid, B5 provides a boost to cell metabolism and helps maintain healthy penile tissue.

Years ago, I saw a cartoon of a gypsy traveling on a train. While the people around her read books, she was busy reading her hand. Amusing as that cartoon was, I must confess that from time to time I like to study my own hand. I’m continually amazed by the way that the lines are constantly changing, reflecting things that have happened or are currently happening in my life.

About ten years ago, when I was traveling overseas, my plane ticket was stolen in an Eastern Block country. That night I had a tormented night of sleep. The next morning I looked at my hand and was surprised to see that during the night there had been a significant change to a travel line. This change reflected exactly what would now transpire due to the ticket being stolen. In this case, the event (the theft of the ticket) preceded the change on my hand. However, marks on the hand also warn of events that will occur in the future.

The most significant lines on the palm are the heart, head, life, fate and Apollo lines. Important changes in a life can be gleaned from the presence or absence of any of these lines; from their trajectory; breaks and markings thereon and their depth, width and color.

A palmist will find that the two questions everyone seems to ask are ‘how long will I live?’ and ‘will I win the lottery?’.

Can the answers to these questions be seen on the lines of the hand?

One would expect that the life line would be the best indicator of the length of life. I once heard an interesting story. A man had examined his young son’s hand and noticed that he had a very short life line. This worried the father greatly and his fears were confirmed when his son drowned at the age of seven. As tragic as this event was, the man was somehow comforted by the belief that his son had been destined to live a short life.

On the other hand, another man with a very long life line was admitted to hospital with a serious illness. His wife studied his hand both on his entry to hospital and during his stay, and noticed that the life line actually shrank during this period of time. The man died soon after at a quite young age.

So, even a long life line is not a guarantee of longevity. If we are blessed with ‘good’ lines on our hands then poor lifestyle can undermine them, just as poor lifestyle can undermine good genetics.

It does help though, to have a strong life line. This would be a line that is robust in appearance with no breaks and a consistent strength throughout its entirety.

One person’s life line was extremely robust in appearance until the age of sixty. After that time the line became stringy and pale. It transpired that the owner of the hand had indeed enjoyed good health until the age of sixty. However, after that age he found his health failing and now, at the age of sixty five, he felt that he had no energy and that everything he did exhausted him.

When islands appear on the life line they indicate a weakening of the life force. At the point where the island appears, the life force could be diminished in some way. For example, a friend of mine has a life line that has so many islands on it, the life line looks like a chain. Coincidentally or not, during her life she has suffered from many illnesses, some extremely serious.

Is it possible to forsee a lottery win on the life line?

A friend of mine examined the hand of a man who had won the lottery. At the exact point of time of the lottery win an island appeared on his life line. She was surprised by this sign and she told the man that rather than seeing good signs on his hand indicating a joyful win, all she could see was a bad marking. He sighed and agreed with her. Apparently from the moment he’d won the money he’d had nothing but misery. Everyone knew of his win and he was constantly being bombarded with demands from family and friends asking for money.

Part two of ‘Your Fate in Your Hands’ will discuss other lines on the palm.

Its been said that there is nothing truly new under the sun in strength & conditioning, only different ways of re-packaging it. What sounds new to you or I, has most likely been around for YEARS. And if it ever sounds too good to be true, then it is. You see, you don’t need fancy equipment or expensive machines to get in phenomenal shape, and anyone that tells you otherwise probably sells that equipment. As I’ve addressed in other articles, people just don’t like to work hard to get results. They want to take the easy way out, try a million different fad diets, and then complain why they are exactly the same year after year. But, these are “regular” people, not warriors like you guys. You guys want something different, a challenge. You’re sick of treadmills, ellipticals, and any other nonsense you see other people (even athletes!) waste their time on.

One of the best total body conditioning movements EVER, are burpees. These literally will transform your physique and get you in top notch condition faster than any other fads you see out there. They are tough, they are rugged, and better yet they are FREE and don’t require ANY equipment. That probably explains why they are a favorite of prison inmates, and why some of the most jacked dudes would do 100’s per day because they were not allowed to use weights. While I certainly would never recommend being incarcerated, there is definitely something to be learned from the simple training methods used in prison cells around the country. I didn’t invent this workout and have seen it in various articles around the net, but I did want to share it with my readers, so here ya go.

The workout is very simple, but brutally productive. There is no hiding, no running away. No cushy machines or gym bunny jogging in front of you. Just yourself and a stop watch.

A burpee, by the way, starts from a standing position where you will kick your feet back and drop to a push up position, perform one push up, then JUMP as high as you can – repeating as quickly as possible.

You will start with 20 repetitions, walk to the other side of the room that you’re in, then do 19 repetitions and so until you get down to 1. 238 reps later, you will know exactly while burpees are the undisputed KING of body weight conditioning. Record your time and try to beat it the next time around. This workout is no joke and will leave you in a pool of your own sweat and heaving up whatever you had for lunch!

“I have to apologize if I want my ex girlfriend back?” he says to me. “But…”

“It’s not that hard,” I tell him. “After all, dude, you did blow it.”

“Yeah, I know…” he mumbles. “But…”

“No more buts!” I bluster at him. “Here is the who, why, when, what, and where of the apology. Lissenup!”

Who. This is obvious. Apologize to the woman you love, dude. No, not your mom. Your girlfriend. What isn’t so obvious here is the collateral damage that may have been done. Are there others associated with your girlfriend who are due an apology? Her family members or friends? Apologizing to the people she cares about will mean a great deal to her. BUT, you apologize to HER FIRST. Don’t forget that.

Why apologize? Because you blew it. If you want to show her you truly love and respect her, then you will apologize. Don’t bury it and hope she’ll forget. Apologizing clears the air and gives you a chance to start over. If you’re thinking, “I want my ex girlfriend back, but she’s the one who need to apologize,” then you will never get anywhere. Never apologize as a sneaky way to try and get her to apologize. That’s tacky and manipulative. You should apologize because you are sorry for what you did. Plain and simple.

When to apologize and when not to. There will be times when an apology will make it worse. Did you get into a bad situation? Maybe you have to make that situation right before you apologize. Correcting the consequences of your actions will show her you truly understand you did something wrong, and that you are taking responsibility for it. Sometimes an apology is not enough. You’ll know it’s time to approach her, when you have done everything you can to make up for what you did.

What kind of apology? There are basically two concepts here that many people confuse. There is saying “I’m sorry,” and saying, “Please forgive me.” If you have cleared the air sufficiently, and things seem a bit smoothed over, you can say, “I’m sorry, I hope you’ll forgive me.” If you did something really beyond the pale, and you think she is not ready to forgive, then don’t expect her to. Just tell her, “I’m really sorry for what happened.” Don’t ask for forgiveness in this case, not if she hasn’t had time to process what’s happened.

Where and how do you approach her? It depends entirely on your situation, but here’s a few basics. Never call her at work or approach her in a large group of people to apologize! This is a very private thing. It may work out best to call her and ask if you can get together any place she likes. Let her know ahead of time you intend to apologize. This will give her the opening she needs to decide if she’s ready to accept your apology.

So there we have our five whowhatitz. And there you are at the coffee shop, she has her double-shot non-fat short extra-hot latte with hazelnut and whipped cream between her hands, and you have a huge black coffee because that’s all you could think of to order. What in the world do you say? Be sincere. Say only what you mean. Deliver your apology in the most straightforward manner. “I’m sorry. I know I blew it. I’ve taken steps to make sure this never happens again, and I’ve learned from it.”

At this point she will do one of two things. Accept your apology or not. However, if she accepted your invitation to talk, she’s unlikely to reject you. Your odds are good she will accept. Can you take this acceptance with good grace? Please don’t jump up and shout “Whoo Hoo! Free mochas for everyone!” Just thank her with a smile on your face, and ask her if she’d like to go to dinner. But what if she doesn’t accept? How do you take that with good grace? Listen carefully to everything she says. Those reasons why she is still angry will be your clues as to what you need to work on next. Stay quiet and accepting. Never blow up in her face. Never leave in a huff. Simply let her know you are sorry this is still hurting her, and ask if there is anything you can do to make it right. That’s when you can leave with dignity, and begin to think about your next move.

Some people have suggested that NASCAR driver Tony Stewart is simply misunderstood. Others have outright excused his behaviors. And still others have admirably referred to him as ‘NASCAR’s bad boy’. Finally, some have suggested that there’s nothing admirable about his behavior. He’s simply acting like a jerk. Count me as one of the latter.

I judge people by their behaviors and actions. In this case, Stewart’s actions include his on track antics, his off-track incidents, and his reactions to questions about these behaviors. After careful review, I believe there’s only one conclusion a reasonable person can reach: He acts like a complete jerk.

Stewart appears to believe that he’s the only one who gets bad luck, frustrated, cut-off, wrecked, bumped, and so on. Other drivers in similar circumstances regularly appear at post race interviews with their frustrations written all over their faces, but they generally handle their interviews with dignity and class.

Stewart comes across in his interviews as a petulant child who is in bad need of a spanking. You can imagine him as the bratty neighborhood kid whose parents always backed down and let him have his way after he threw a fit.

As evidence of Stewart’s boorish behavior, allow me to enter the following items into the record. There are so many incidents and such limited space, so I’ll just touch on a few highlights.

In 2000 at Watkins Glen, Stewart blocked and bumped Jeff Gordon, putting Gordon a lap down after Gordon sought repairs for the incident. After the race, Stewart got in to a shoving match with Gordon where threats and obscenities were exchanged.

In 2001, Stewart and Gordon were at it again. Gordon did a bump and run on Stewart at Bristol. After the race, Stewart spun Gordon out on pit road. NASCAR fined Stewart and put him on probation.

In 2001 at Daytona, Stewart was black flagged by a NASCAR official, but ignored it and kept racing. He later confronted a NASCAR official over the incident and incurred further action by NASCAR. He also got in to trouble for knocking a tape recorder out of a reporter’s hand, after the reporter asked about the incident.

In 2001 at Talladega, Stewart confronted the same NASCAR official after Stewart refused to wear the mandated head and neck restraint.

In 2002 after a disappointing finish at the Brickyard 400, Stewart punched a photographer and was put on probation for the rest of the year.

In 2004 at the Tropicana 400, Stewart knocked Kasey Kahne in to the wall and wrecked him. Kahne was leading at the time. Kahne’s owner Ray Everham said of Stewart after the race “…he should have his backside beat. That’s the problem with him. Nobody has ever grabbed him and given him a good beating.”

In 2005 at Watkins Glen, Stewart was fined and put on probation again for ramming Brian Vickers car after the Busch race.

In 2005 at Phoenix, Stewart came in second after a string of cautions. After the race, Stewart suggested the cautions were a fraud and that professional wrestling was more legitimate than NASCAR.

In 2006 at Daytona, Stewart was complaining to the media about how reckless driving by other drivers was going to get someone killed. During the race, Stewart was involved in altercations with Jeff Gordon and Kyle Busch. But he topped it off by getting in to it with Matt Kenseth. Stewart cut across the nose of Kenseth’s car, forcing Kenseth down in to the grass where he lost control and went back up in to the wall. Amazingly, after the race Stewart said “Kyle Busch, he’s the one guy who’s probably going to get someone hurt out there.” Then, Stewart had this to say about Kenseth: “He started the whole thing and I finished it”.

In 2006 at the All Star Race, Stewart got in to it again with Kenseth ending with both of them wrecked.

In 2006 at the Pennsylvania 500, Stewart retaliated against Clint Bowyer after Bowyer accidentally collided with the side of Stewart’s car. Stewart waved his hand then smashed in to Bowyer’s car, who then smashed in to Carl Edwards. NASCAR immediately held Stewart for one lap for reckless driving.

In 2006 at Martinsville, Stewart got in to a shouting match with Greg Biffle after he thought Biffle blocked him.

In 2006, Stewart sought counseling for anger issues.

In 2007 at Daytona, Stewart ran in to the back of his teammate Denny Hamlin and then blamed Hamlin for not getting out of the way.

In 2008 at Daytona, Stewart and Kurt Busch exchanged bumps during a shootout race. Busch bumped Stewart again on pit road. During a conference with NASCAR officials, it was reported that Stewart actually punched Busch.

I could go on and on about incident after incident where Stewart was rude, sarcastic, offensive and so on. He’s said incredibly childish things in post race interviews and on his radio show. He’s complained and whined and spouted off. But it seems to me that Ray Everham said it best. To paraphrase: this guy needs a good butt kickin’ to get his mind right.

It’s hard being the man.

Being the man at this, being the man at that. Being the man who loves the ladies. Being the man who loves the babies. Being the man who is so popular, all the other men want to be him. Being the man who is street smart and workplace savvy. Being the man who knows you can’t be a street dude and a work dude at the same time. The streets will think you’re square. The workplace will think you’re a threat.

Man, where do you fit in?

A man knows his boundaries. A man understands his limitations. A man is not afraid to ask for help, If and when help is needed.

That is partially why I miss my father in law. I don’t just miss his physical presence, I miss his mind, too:

His inspirational words of wisdom.

His strong character.

His witticism.

His all-around street savvy persona.

Coming from the streets myself, this was such a common ground for us. I grew up around a lot of older cats, so the conversations I had with my father-in-law were like conversations with an old high school buddy. We shared a lot of love and war stories. We had a great deal in common.

He inspired me to use my wits more. And not just that. He also inspired me to use my mind more.

On almost every occasion we spoke, he would drop a jewel on me. Old school and new school. He was ‘back in the day’ hip, as well as up to date. The conversations we held were those of two very like-minded individuals. To this day, no one really knows and understands the bond we had. No one.

“It’s your world, buddy. If I had your hand, I’d throw mine in.” And I’d say. “Well, If I had your hand. I’d cut mine off.”

“Either way you slice it. It’s still toast.”

Every time we spoke, whether on the phone or in person, we would trade those types of sayings. He would call the house and say something like, “Hey. What’s going on with you, buddy?” And I would say. ‘Oh you know, Cat Daddy. I’m on the phone, but I can’t call it’. He’d laugh. And I’d laugh right back at him. He’d say, “OK. Sounds good. Don’t be faking the move, now.”

He inspired me to use my wit more. And not just that. He also inspired me to use my mind more. You see, either way you slice it, it’s still toast, meant it didn’t matter. It’s going to be what it’s going to be. I liked that so much, like I said, it inspired me. So, I started saying. “Either way, win or lose. You give up something when you choose.”

All of our lives we’ve been told to not be soft.

I lost a huge part of me when I lost my father-in-law. He was not just the father of the wife. He was the friend of the husband.

As much as it hurts me, thinking about losing my friend, I never thought I’d open up and share that secret with my wife. Let alone a stranger. But, that’s exactly what happened.

I chose to speak at his funeral. This was my friend. I had to let the world know. I had to show and prove there was a great side to this man, a beautiful quality in my friend. Furthermore, I had to share this secret with my wife.

I mean really, when do a lot of men ever open up and share a secret with their wives? They hardly ever do in my experience. It’s rare that most men will genuinely share some inner thoughts and/or feelings with you.

If and when he does share, consider yourself special. See, men like me don’t do that kind of stuff. It is like it is not in our DNA to express emotion. Think about it, as little boys, we were always being told to ‘Man up’, ‘Toughen up’, ‘Boys don’t cry’.

That speech helped me hear the gentle requests of my wife asking me to do more, to be more of the leader she knows.

That is a lot of pressure for a little boy. And, even more pressure for a grown man. All of our lives we’ve been told to not be soft. So, what makes you think we would understand how to properly activate our emotions? Feelings?… Eeeeww!

This is where I was perplexed. This is why I felt funny about sharing my feelings. Then I thought. It’s my wife. It’s my best friend. It’s my other half. So, I stood up at that podium and delivered the greatest speech I have ever given. I spoke right to my wife the whole time, which helped me open up emotionally to the entire audience at the funeral. It was not my plan to be the star of the show. But, what can I say?

That speech helped me Open Up and realize there is more to being a man than being the one with the deeper voice, the muscles, and the low swinging package. That speech helped me hear the gentle requests of my wife asking me to do more, to be more of the leader she knows.

More of a leader? I am the father of two sons. I ran a recording studio. I was CEO of my own company. I am a stand up comedian. I command the attention of others, easily. I am a leader, right? Not yet really, she wanted me to Open Up, to be more vocal and direct, to be more in charge and decisive. She wanted me to call more shots.

Being a man is being able to show and prove one’s self by taking action and Opening Up.

I was used to being easy going, nonchalant. I was always the one who avoided any conflict. If my wife asked if I wanted to go on vacation, my response was always, “Whatever. I don’t care.”

I thought I was being the man who was always down for whatever. Instead, I found out I’m being less than the man she wants, less than the man she knows me to be. Man, I thought I knew how to be a man.

Because I was readily equipped with the male appendage, I thought I was man by nature. I thought that because I was well over the age of 21, it was most evident I was a man. I even thought that because I liked women, more than anything in the world, I was surely a man.

I had to think again, because I thought wrong.

Being a man is way more than physical attributes or a God given ability. Being a man is being able to show and prove one’s self by taking action and Opening Up.

Being a man is fitting in with and openly expressing who you truly are.

In criminal law, each crime has “elements” that must be satisfied. Every element must be satisfied. Therefore, if one element is lacking, then the prosecution cannot prove the case. Simple as that! A DUI, actually called an OVI in Ohio, requires the following if it involves alcohol:

1. Operation;

2. .08% alcohol in system as determined by blood, urine or breath.

Pretty simple, really. Operation is one element that can be attacked by defense attorneys and produce fruitful results. A couple of years ago when I first started working for a defense attorney, I spent an entire day reading case law on what exactly constitutes “operation.” The issues was: can you operate a vehicle that is malfunctioning? As you can imagine, there aren’t many cases where a drunk dude tries to start a vehicle without an engine. [That would be a pretty fun argument though!] Most cases involve a drunk person who was driving, and then his car broke down. Those cases are pretty rare…but a state can win on a theory that operation doesn’t have to be present ambulation, especially if there is evidence that the person had driven.

Police officers and prosecutors had a lot of trouble “diagnosing” the cases where a drunk motorist was found asleep at the wheel, often with the heat or AC running. The General Assembly passed a gap-filling law called “Physical Control.” Basically, this requires

1. Driver is in front seat, with control of keys.

2. .08+

Ok, so now that I’ve given some background on DUI elements, lets apply them to different scenarios.

1. A drunk dude is found sleeping in his running car on the side of a highway. Chances are, he’ll be hit with a DUI because there is good evidence he drove there.

2. A drunk guy is found at a bar parking lot with his car running. The state might charge a DUI, but I seriously doubt it would win at trial, especially not in Cuyahoga County. The 8th Appellate District is very strict: unless there is evidence of movement, then it is physical control, not DUI.

3. A drunk dude is found passed out in the front seat of his car at a bar parking lot, keys in his hand. Under a strict statutory interpretation, he could be charged with physical control – all that is required is control of keys.

4. Id on the facts, but this time, keys are back seat, driver in front. Although he might be charged with physical control, his car will be impounded and he’ll have to hire an attorney, I highly doubt any court would take such a broad interpretation of “control” to include this fact pattern.

5. Drunk dude is in back seat, car is off. Keys are nearby. No physical control, because he isn’t in front seat. Again, I’m not completely confident that cops would know the subtle nuances of the law, so I would advise people who sleep in their backseat to print off a copy of ORC 4511.94 and keep it in the glove box. Even though there is no way you’d get convicted of a physical control violation, it would still be a pain to have your car impounded.

6. This one is a toughy: person has vehicle on in bar lot, no evidence of moving, and is sleeping in back seat. I think he could be charged with physical control, because there is evidence that he was in the front seat at one point, even leaning in.

So, in summary: sleeping it off is GOOD. You won’t break the law if you are in the back or passenger seat and your vehicle is off.