When my mother passed away, I received a card from a friend of mine that touched me so deeply I can still remember it 15 years later. The card was humorous and the note he wrote was the perfect balance of empathy, humor and reality. You see Chris had lost his father about a month before I had lost my mom and he knew intimately what I was going through. This card was the cornerstone to developing the website I Did Not Know What To Say. I wanted to encourage people to be thoughtful and supportive of their friends and family when they are going through a great loss. The topic of death is difficult and many people “freeze” when the topic comes up. Our website is dedicated to helping people find the words when you don’t know what to say.

Put your heart into it. There are many ways to express your deep concern and support for a friend or family member when they have lost a loved one. I have found that when you put your heart into what you write it makes all the difference. One of the cards I received simply said, “I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking about you all week, and I will keep you in my prayers.” It was from a friend’s mother that I did not know very well, but I was so touched that she would take the time to send a card. I could feel the love and sincerity in the note and it made a lasting impression on me.

Know your audience. People have many belief systems when it comes to death, grief and the burial process. Religion, culture, family experiences, personality, the age of the person and their gender can all impact how they handle the grieving process. It is important to take these factors into consideration and not diminish the person’s feelings or beliefs. This is not a time to “preach” to someone. It is a time to reach out and open your heart.

Offer your support. The most fundamental thing you can offer someone in grief is your support. My friend Michele sent me this note after my mom passed away, “We will be there to do those things you are not able to” and she really was. She helped make phone calls to my family the night my mom passed away, she was there at the memorial service, and was there through all the ups and downs as I recovered from this great loss.

I have found that most people appreciate knowing you care about them and that you are there to support them. A simple note of encouragement like this one can make all the difference: “Please know that I’m willing to help you out in any way you might need me to during this difficult time. I’d love to bring your family dinner or take you out for coffee if you ever need to talk.”

My old roommate used to send me cards on my mom’s birthday as a reminder that she was thinking of me. My aunt sends her sister-in-law a card on the anniversary of her son’s death just to let her know that she is not alone.

I am deeply appreciative of all the love and encouragement I have received from my friends and family through the many losses in my life. My greatest hope is that everyone receives that kind of deep support when they are going through a loss.

What do you do if you have a big dream and don’t know where to start? This is going to sound strange. In fact, it’s going to be quite counterintuitive.

Get still.

Go somewhere and sit down. Yes, sit down. Take time to process this big dream that has tapped you on the shoulder and enlisted you. Suppress the inclination to dive head first into busyness. Instead, take time to get your bearings. Tune into your inner voice to hear the heart beat of your dream and what your unique gifts, talents and skills bring to it.

Get educated.

T.D. Jakes, in his book Instinct, cautions us to get acquainted with our new surroundings. Find out the law of the jungle before announcing to the world, “I’m here! It can mean the difference between surviving or getting eaten by a lion. It’s not because you are defective or you are on the wrong path. Life simply wants you to succeed so it gives you time to get ready.

A mentor is a great place to start! Mentors help you develop the skills and the sensibilities that you’ll need. They alert you of the pitfalls and the best time to go to the watering hole to get a drink of water. They know the jungle and help you navigate it.

If you cannot identify a person immediately, remember that mentors come in various forms. An often underestimated resource is books. Media can be a great mentor as well. YouTube videos and TEDx talks can introduce you to thought leaders and people who offer free webinars and affordable options for your development.

Get moving.

What I like to say to my clients is this, “Knowledge is only power if you know how to use it.” This is where a coach is most needed. She or he helps you get out of your head or running around in circles to devising a strategic plan to get you moving in the right direction. In fact, studies show that out of the numerous benefits of coaching one is accelerating progress.

Get all in.

Every single part of your life has been enlisted by your dream. Resistance is futile. Just as a baby owns your body for 9 months, your dream owns you until its done. Your role is to nurture it all the way. You nurture it by taking impeccable care of yourself. Eat healthy. Take your vitamins. See your doctor regularly. Let others help you. Get plenty of sleep. Take care of your mental and emotional health.

The closer you get to your dream, the more it will require of you. All too often, dreamers increase their busyness but do not strengthen their core. Getting still, educated, moving and being all in will help you to endure the rigors and help you to be better when you arrive.

When an employee is injured while on the clock, they have the option of accepting workers’ compensation benefits through their job. These benefits are meant to help cover the cost of the damages and losses incurred as a result of the accident. This may include lost wages, hospital bills, medical expenses, prolonged therapy, and more. If you were recently injured at work, it is in your best interest to learn what you can about workplace accidents and injury claims so that you may make the right decisions regarding your physical and financial recovery.

If you have not been injured at work, it is still wise to learn these tips so that you are prepared if it ever happens to you or someone you love. Continue reading to learn what you should and should not do in the case that you are injured at work and considering workers’ compensation.

Here’s What You SHOULD NOT Do:

Do not hide your injury or fail to report it.

Do not decline medical attention. This can be harmful to you both physically and in terms of filing a claim.

Do not let the company’s case manager into your hospital examination room while you are with the doctor if you do not want them in there.

Do not let the workers’ compensation insurance carrier take too long to approve or deny your injury claim. There are state laws that mandate when they must respond. It is usually within 30 days after the claim is officially filed.

Do not believe your employer if they tell you there is a “minimum period” of employment that you must retain in order to receive workers’ compensation benefits. You are entitled to benefits immediately, no matter your length of employment.

Do not miss or reschedule any appointments that are made by your employer’s workers’ compensation insurance carrier. Missing too many appointments can revoke your right to certain benefits.

When you return to work, do not let your employer place you into a line of duty that violates your work restrictions.

Here’s What You SHOULD Do:

Report your injury immediately, whether you think you need medical care or not.

Demand that a written accident report is made on the spot and be sure to get a copy for yourself.

Immediately seek or accept medical attention.

Retain all paperwork and documentation of your accident, injuries, and medical care. Keep track of all the written restrictions and instructions given to you by your doctor.

If your employer makes any retaliations or threats in regards to your claim, contact the Department of Labor immediately and report the harassment.

If you are unsatisfied with your medical treatment or diagnosis, ask for a second opinion.

If you are denied certain benefits due to a “pre-existing condition”, be sure to protest with the help of a licensed personal injury lawyer.

Gerhard tells the following story:

God talked to me about cars with big engines. V8s that roar and gobble up the road when they go. Such a car can easily tow anything from a trailer to a truck.

If you realise how much power the engine has, you will move mountains. Unfortunately, it is powerless unless you have the smallest component in your hand – the key.

If you don’t have the key, the car is going nowhere. It doesn’t even roar when you step on the petrol. It’s dead silent.

In our lives, the key is that minute mustard seed of faith. Jesus’ love is already there. But if the key, “the faith”, is missing, you’re going nowhere.

We don’t realise how big and powerful the Holy Spirit is inside us. If we have faith in God, nothing can stop us. It’s only me that can stop myself if I don’t believe.

Often, doubt and lack of faith act as a hand brake, preventing the car that is our life tackling the world at full speed. And when we add our guilt about what we do wrong to it, we come to a standstill. We have the potential. We can achieve so much in the world, but we fail because of a lack of faith and guilt.

This is so unnecessary. We waste our time on things that Jesus has already sorted out for us. 20-21Jesus has cleared the way by the blood of his sacrifice, acting as our priest before God. The “curtain” into God’s presence is his body. 22So let’s do it-full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out.

Do you want this any clearer? Jesus is in control. When we accepted Him as Saviour, He became our brother. He defends us. He is on our side. He is our attorney in heaven. When He defends us, He doesn’t say anything. He simply lifts His hands and when God sees that, He knows Jesus has already paid for our sin on the cross.

Why would we want to doubt this, and in that way, put the brakes on?

And guilt? What a waste of time. It breaks your speed. It’s unnecessary. Yes, we all make mistakes and want to crucify ourselves because of that. But why? Jesus has been crucified already. Why would we want to do it again?

As the children say: There’s a special on cement at the hardware store. Go and buy a bag of cement and build a bridge over it.

Yes, this might just be what we need to do so that we can drive the car of our lives over it. Fast, so that we can live life to the full and really go and make a difference with that boot load of gifts that we’ve got.

Scripture

Hebrews 10:19-25

Reflection

How fast is the car of your life going?

Are lack of faith and guilt putting the brakes on it?

What can you do differently?

Prayer

Father, thank you for Jesus’ death on the cross. I believe with my whole heart that it is true and that it is more than enough. Please help me loosen the hand brake in my life, so that I can drive forward at full speed. Amen.

1. They underestimate the planning and effort needed to engage with the marketplace in order to promote their work. Until you are ready to take the reins into your own hands to promote your book, you are still a writer. Publishers today do very little to promote your work. If you want to be an author, you need a robust marketing plan that is planned out at least six months before your publishing date and it’s essential to also have a post-publishing plan as well.

2. They get caught up with sales. This is a biggie – after all there’s lots of pressure made upon authors to constantly promote their books! Yet, a lot of writers want a “payback” in the form of sales. I get that sales are important, but you know what will bring those sales? Readers. If you forgo that connection, then you’ve missed building a platform that sells. Word-of-mouth marketing is the best kind of selling there is. Every time you find yourself looking at sales, ask yourself if you’ve done all that you can to fully connect with readers. Think of workshops, book talks, speaking engagements, webinars, teleseminars. The opportunities are endless!

3. They don’t have a long term marketing strategy. You aren’t in the business just to publish your first and only book, right? A long term marketing strategy requires investing in the publishing and marketing for your first book as well as leaving aside time to write additional books. Becoming an author requires long term thinking. What do you want your career to look like in 5-10-15 years? Do you want to still see yourself promoting over your first book?

4. They depend on the publisher to market and promote their books. Unfortunately, publishers don’t do very much for their authors these days. Even the bestselling New York Times authors are self-publishing their books to regain more control of the sales and marketing. Many authors like myself

5. They become distracted by the success of other authors. In the process of learning how to promote themselves, they inevitably compare themselves to the success of other authors, (this is very easy to do, I know!) which in turns, lowers one’s self-esteem. They think: “I’m never going to become like that author who does such and such.” So here’s a better way to go about it: If you’re an aspiring author, look at what these authors are doing right, and then aim for that. Make that your quarterly goal. If you’re an aspiring first time author, stay focused on your writing goals.

As you can see, there’s a lot of footwork involved in transitioning from the writer’s life to claiming authorship. It’s one of the hardest things to do in making this decision.

Attitude is everything. Mental attitude, no matter what the end goal is, either helps you get there or impedes your progress and one of the most damaging attitudes anyone can adopt is victim-mentality.

What is victim-mentality?

Victim mentality is a negative mindset. It places blame on other people and circumstances for any unhappiness felt within.” It is the proverbial “point the finger out” scenario.

Those engaged in victim-mentality, view life through a narrow lens of pessimistic perceptions, believing whatever occurs in life is the result of outside causes. Inner reflection is never considered. Being a victim means absolving themselves of blame. Nothing is their fault – ever! Those engaged in victim mentality most often enjoy the attention, sympathy and validation they get from playing this “poor me” role.

When trapped in victim-hood, the focus becomes how vulnerable we are, rather than on how powerful we are.

While, no one is born with victim mentality, no one is exempt from playing the victim role either. Sweet elder grandparents, loving, well-intentioned mothers and fathers, teenagers and even those considered “spiritually awakened” can all be found to dwell in this defeatist realm.

In fact, every person alive has played the victim role more than once in their lives.

Victims want to be mentally prepared for the worst and sadly, for those dwelling in victim-hood, this self-sabotaging behavior becomes more powerful when things seem to be going their way as they are sure “disaster is waiting around the next corner.”

So, how does one break free from this self-defeating, “poor me,” pessimistic type programming, most of which was developed and adopted as a child?

It all begins at home with your perceptions/how your view yourself. Do you perceive yourself as a survivor or a victim?

Survivors embrace life and flow with it. They live in the present and take control over their lives. They are fully aware that they alone are responsible for what occurs. They know that taking responsibility for their lives, they are empowered to change their lives.

Victims, on the other hand, wallow in self-pity and argue with and push back at life. They dwell in the past, believing they are helpless to change circumstances – their key to avoiding responsibility. They live defensively and stay frozen in time, without making progress because their perceptions tell them they are powerless.

The cost of victim mentality is high. It negatively affects every area of life – professional and personal. Those who see themselves as a failure, are dwelling in victim-hood because failure only comes to those who give up.

If we really want to shift out of victim mentality, we must first own it. We can’t change what we don’t own. We must shift our attitude and know that “change begins with me.” We must embrace survival and take actions steps… no matter how small or insignificant they may seem now, towards some goal we are looking to attain.

Most importantly, we must continually empower ourselves with “I can” and “I will” statements and put a stop to degrading “I can’t” or “I won’t” statements and beliefs.

And, we must embrace gratitude – the greatest of attitudes. Daily, we need to take time to reflect on all the things that make us happy, on all the things that are going well in our life. Keeping our mind/energy focused on positive situations helps to counteract victim mentality.

In the end, we must honor ourselves with the same degree of respect and love that we try to give others. Only then will our minds and actions shift out of victim-hood to survival mode.

Truth is, we can’t control other’s actions or every circumstance that shows up in our lives, but we can control how we react to them. We don’t have to be victims. It is a choice. Whatever happens or comes our way, we must view it as a challenge and not an excuse.

Looking for a powerful partner to help erase the negative victim tapes that play over and over in your head? Look no further than your local gym. Getting your blood flowing and your “happy, feel-good” hormones kicked in through challenging exercise is one of the best ways to overcome negativity, defeat victim mentality and put yourself on the fast track to feeling healthy physically, mentally and emotionally.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

– Gautama Buddha

The victim needs to realize that small behavior and attitude changes can result in big rewards.

This article takes a look at musicians’ injuries. For an expert perspective, I interviewed Dr. Sarah Mickeler, B.Mus., D.C. Dr. Mickeler is a former professional musician and a chiropractor who concentrates on musicians’ injuries in her practice.

1) What led you to specialize in musicians’ injuries?

I have a very personal connection to musician’s injuries. I had trained as a classical clarinet player and it was during my undergrad that I started to have all sorts of problems from playing too much and with poor posture. Unfortunately, I was told, as many others are, that I should just play through the pain and that maybe it would get better! Of course, it didn’t, and it eventually led to the demise of my career as a clarinetist, because I was totally unable to hold up my instrument. So, I decided to pick a new career that would help others musicians – and hopefully before they got to the point that I was at! Chiropractic appealed to me because of the whole health care paradigm that it embodies – as chiropractors, we diagnose and fix the cause, rather than masking the symptoms.

2) What is different about treating musicians than treating the general population?

Often, what I tell people who don’t understand the specifics of musicians’ injuries, is that “it takes one to know one”. As a musician, it can be very difficult to explain to a physician or physiotherapist or even another chiropractor what the mechanics look like when you are playing your instrument. But when someone comes into my office and says that they play flute, or guitar, or tuba, or whatever, I know exactly what the physical component of playing their instrument involves. That is a very important first step.

Secondly, not only do you have to be able to have a good understanding of what playing that instrument involves, but you have to be able to see that person play. Even if someone tells me they play violin (I automatically think: “ok, so they will be leaning their head to the left and have right shoulder problems, etc…”), I am often shocked to see how over the years of playing they have contorted themselves into a little pretzel while they play!

So, on the first or second visit, all of my musicians bring in their instruments and I do a thorough playing analysis to see what it is that they’re doing right and wrong. It could be that their posture is contributing to their injury. Or maybe there’s something about the instrument that we could change; it might just need a minor adjustment in the thumb rest or a key positioning.

For instance, I have very small hands and found it difficult to reach some of the alternate fingering keys on my clarinet – so I had them sawed off and re-soldered on in a different direction so I could reach them.

Thirdly, it is important to recognize that there are some really common reasons for performance injuries. The most common ones are a change in repertoire, a change in the instrument (such as a new mouthpiece or something similar), a change in practice time or an upcoming recital. If we can pinpoint what it is that the performer has been doing differently lately to contribute to their injury, that helps immensely.

And lastly, it is so important to realize, especially for freelance artists, that you can’t just tell them to take a muscle relaxant, and take a few weeks off. If these people took a few weeks off, they wouldn’t have a roof over their head or food on the table. While it’s occasionally absolutely imperative that a break be taken, most of the time I take a holistic approach to treating performers and change and fix what we can, within the obvious limitations of current gigs and upcoming events.

3) What’s the most common injury that you see in your office?

In my office, there is a tie for the most common injury. The first is upper back/shoulder/neck pain – I lump these together because those terms can mean the same thing to a lot of people – often someone will come in and say that their shoulder hurts and point to the pain, but to me what they’re pointing to is actually their upper back or lower neck. This one is often a function of poor posture or poor practice ergonomics. If we can figure out how to improve the overall posture and ergonomic situation then this tends to resolve quickly.

And the second most common injury is hand and arm pain. You would not believe how many people walk into my office with numb and tingly hands and fingers – which can be very scary if you’re the one to experience it – to find out that the problem isn’t actually their hands and fingers at all, but it’s a little further up the arm and can be quite easily treated once properly diagnosed. Or they come in with tennis elbow – but they have never held a tennis racket in their life! In my office, I call tennis and golfer’s elbow “musician’s elbow” because it is a repetitive strain injury. It is really, really common and surprisingly easy to treat.

4) What can musicians do to prevent injury?

First of all, don’t be a hero! There is just no reason to practice for hours on end without a break. Always remember to take a little break for every 30 minutes that you are playing. Secondly, don’t play through pain. The pain signal is there to tell you that you are doing something wrong. Playing through it is not going to get you anywhere – other than in more pain and in worse shape down the road. Thirdly, be aware of your ergonomics. If you sit to play, does your chair fit you properly? In rehearsal, do you have to strain at all to see both the stand and the conductor? Are your arms contorted oddly in order to be able to play properly? This is not good. And lastly, seek the help of a professional who can not only help you with the injuries that you are currently dealing with, but can help you avoid future injury and optimize your overall performance.

You can find out more about Dr. Sarah Mickeler and her Toronto-based chiropractic practice concentrating on musicians’ injuries at http://www.drsarah.ca.

To echo Sarah’s advice, please pay attention to any pain signals your body is sending you! Admitting you’re having a physical problem doesn’t make you any less of a musician – it means you’re a very smart musician with years of playing ahead of you!!

This article was originally published on the Muses Muse Songwriter’s Resource website (February 2005) http://www.musesmuse.com.

(c) Copyright Linda Dessau, 2005.

The article lets you know the fact that leaky gut syndrome symptoms don’t cause any pain. Ulcers would, gall bladder problems would, pancreatic inflammation would, diverticulitis would. There are many other things that cause pain. However, if you really think you have leaky gut (of course you should check with your doctor), try these suggestions below.

L-glutamine is excellent for leaky gut, as are EFAs and GLA. Digestive enzymes with HCl are good to use as well, especially when you have candida. The yeasts release their own enzymes, fooling the digestive system into not releasing enough. This leads to poor digestion, which leads to a weaker immune system, which leads to more candida, which leads to more problems.

You should also try to use butter, along with coconut and palm oils, are rich in caprylic and lauric acids, both lethal to candida and other gut pathogens. Butter is also a good source of selenium and vitamin A–both antioxidants needed when you’re fighting infection. If you are sensitive to butter, use ghee. Also, try not to trim off chicken skin or fat from beef or lamb. They all contain certain fatty acids with antimicrobial properties. Lamb fat is particularly rich in palmitoleic acid (as are macadamia nuts), a potent antibacterial acid.

If you’re having trouble digesting fats, add digestive enzymes in or stick to fats/oils which have a high MCT or SCT content like coconut and palm oils. They do not require bile for their digestion and are easily absorbed across the intestinal wall.

Having advised dozens of couples worldwide, one of the most commonly asked questions is what to do when your ex has seemingly moved on with someone else. How could they??! Does it mean they’re over you? Usually, the answer is no – and, in a lot of cases, the fact that they’re seeing someone else can actually work in your favor as it serves as a clarity and you can still easily get your ex back!

How so, you might ask.

First of all, if your ex started jumping into a new relationship with someone immediately after dumping you, then they’re probably in a rebound relationship. A rebound is usually a short-term relationship that a lot of people hop on to to help them through the pain of the breakup and get over their ex. The good news is they rarely last, rebounds generally fall apart within 3-4 months, and you know why.

When your ex goes into a rebound relationship, they’re not looking for that special someone even though they may think so. They just need help getting over you – and they think that being in another relationship will do the trick. But, usually, after 3-4 months, they start to see the little things that they don’t like and bigger problems or the same issues they had with you -only now with someone they like less- that caused you to break up in the first place begin to pop up. That’s why such relationships break down most of the time. Before long, your ex will be looking for a way to get out of their rebound – and, if you play your cards right, make their way back into arms!

And this actually happened to me TOO! My husband quickly found a “replacement” as soon as he thought he wanted a divorce. No waiting period for him. AT ALL. He even started before I knew. Later on he told me it was because the pain was too great for him to handle alone. He was using her as a crutch.

I was devastated, yet deep down I knew he loved me still and there was no way the two could last. He even told me months before that she was “emotionally unstable” (yes they had known each other for over 10 years before we even met and she was going through a divorce too for cheating on her husband -so to make matter worse she was also on a rebound, talking about two peas in a pot:)). I even told him in cynicism, “All the best to you both.”

Two months or so later, they were finito. He couldn’t stand her and told me she wasn’t a person he liked very much and even slipped out the word “toxic.”

Whether or not she was -I really have no way to tell-, the point is he wasn’t looking for a relationship, or at least unconsciously he wasn’t. He was a train-wreck emotionally, there was no chance in the world he could start with someone new while not being over me and our marriage -even though he wanted to believe and told everyone he was.

And not long after, he told me that he was still in love with me.

Bottom line is, don’t hold your breath that they will live happily ever after. The single best thing to do is to accept it, move on and see their relationship run its course. Don’t start fights or a “heart-to-heart” talk with their new fling or try to talk your ex out of it – both would make you look manipulative, desperate and needy. Instead, use this time to heal after the break-up by hitting the gym, going on a trip, working on a new project, socializing with friends and generally living as normal a life as possible.

When your ex’s rebound relationship collapses – and it will – that will be the time to reappear in their life and it usually doesn’t take much, because at that time they begin to really think hard about you and the relationship he left behind! By being there for them and letting them see the happy, wonderful and fun person you are, you will create such an impression in their mind about the mistake they made to have dumped you -and dated the other person. They now could see how much better a person you are than the person they were dating before. Before you know it, your ex will be seriously considering giving your relationship another chance – simply because their rebound made them realize that you’re the right one for them!

Some real estate gurus make tax lien investing sound like it’s a sure thing. That you’re guaranteed to make huge interest rates and that’s it’s “government guaranteed.” Unfortunately for You, they leave out a few facts and are stretching the truth quite a bit.

First you have to understand that tax sales are auctions and in most state those extremely high interest rates are bid down to extremely low rates. Why would investors do that? It’s simple, sometimes there are other penalties that they will get should the lien redeem. In New Jersey for instance the penalty is between 2-6% depending on the amount of the lien. In Florida there is a penalty of 5%. Also once you own the lien, you can pay the subsequent taxes and get the maximum interest on that.

Secondly, you must understand that there is no guarantee that you will get paid on your lien. Of course if you don’t get paid, you can foreclose once the redemption period is over. But no one guarantees that you will be paid! What these gurus mean when they say that liens are “government guaranteed” is that the laws are on your side. If you don’t get paid you can eventually foreclose on the property. The only thing guaranteeing your investment is the property! That’s why I don’t recommend investing in liens through the mail or online. Would you buy property that you didn’t see first!

When you buy a tax certificate, even though you are not purchasing the property, there is always the chance that the lien will not redeem and you will have to foreclose on the property. What if the property is worthless? What if it is an unbuildable piece of land? Then you are stuck with a worthless piece of property that no one will want to buy from you and if you don’t continue to pay the taxes on it, it will eventually revert back to the county that sold it to you.

Yes, there are risks involved in lien investing and no, it is not a sure thing. It is however an excellent way to invest your money if you know what you are doing. If you are contemplating buying a program to learn how to invest in lien certificates or tax deeds, beware! Don’t buy an e-book, coaching program, or a course from someone who candy coats the business of investing in lien certificates and tax deeds and makes it sound like you can’t fail and there are no risks. The truth is that you can fail and there are risks to avoid. Instead buy one of these products from someone who tells you what the risks are and how to avoid them. This will give you a better chance for success in buying profitable tax lien certificates and tax deeds.