Having advised dozens of couples worldwide, one of the most commonly asked questions is what to do when your ex has seemingly moved on with someone else. How could they??! Does it mean they’re over you? Usually, the answer is no – and, in a lot of cases, the fact that they’re seeing someone else can actually work in your favor as it serves as a clarity and you can still easily get your ex back!
How so, you might ask.
First of all, if your ex started jumping into a new relationship with someone immediately after dumping you, then they’re probably in a rebound relationship. A rebound is usually a short-term relationship that a lot of people hop on to to help them through the pain of the breakup and get over their ex. The good news is they rarely last, rebounds generally fall apart within 3-4 months, and you know why.
When your ex goes into a rebound relationship, they’re not looking for that special someone even though they may think so. They just need help getting over you – and they think that being in another relationship will do the trick. But, usually, after 3-4 months, they start to see the little things that they don’t like and bigger problems or the same issues they had with you -only now with someone they like less- that caused you to break up in the first place begin to pop up. That’s why such relationships break down most of the time. Before long, your ex will be looking for a way to get out of their rebound – and, if you play your cards right, make their way back into arms!
And this actually happened to me TOO! My husband quickly found a “replacement” as soon as he thought he wanted a divorce. No waiting period for him. AT ALL. He even started before I knew. Later on he told me it was because the pain was too great for him to handle alone. He was using her as a crutch.
I was devastated, yet deep down I knew he loved me still and there was no way the two could last. He even told me months before that she was “emotionally unstable” (yes they had known each other for over 10 years before we even met and she was going through a divorce too for cheating on her husband -so to make matter worse she was also on a rebound, talking about two peas in a pot:)). I even told him in cynicism, “All the best to you both.”
Two months or so later, they were finito. He couldn’t stand her and told me she wasn’t a person he liked very much and even slipped out the word “toxic.”
Whether or not she was -I really have no way to tell-, the point is he wasn’t looking for a relationship, or at least unconsciously he wasn’t. He was a train-wreck emotionally, there was no chance in the world he could start with someone new while not being over me and our marriage -even though he wanted to believe and told everyone he was.
And not long after, he told me that he was still in love with me.
Bottom line is, don’t hold your breath that they will live happily ever after. The single best thing to do is to accept it, move on and see their relationship run its course. Don’t start fights or a “heart-to-heart” talk with their new fling or try to talk your ex out of it – both would make you look manipulative, desperate and needy. Instead, use this time to heal after the break-up by hitting the gym, going on a trip, working on a new project, socializing with friends and generally living as normal a life as possible.
When your ex’s rebound relationship collapses – and it will – that will be the time to reappear in their life and it usually doesn’t take much, because at that time they begin to really think hard about you and the relationship he left behind! By being there for them and letting them see the happy, wonderful and fun person you are, you will create such an impression in their mind about the mistake they made to have dumped you -and dated the other person. They now could see how much better a person you are than the person they were dating before. Before you know it, your ex will be seriously considering giving your relationship another chance – simply because their rebound made them realize that you’re the right one for them!
