Patients may perceive things very differently than we might think about health care they receive and family members also may perceive things differently than we would expect by what they observe when care is delivered to their loved ones. Therefore, we must assume the attitude of a healthcare provider is quickly filtered through the client’s lens of perception. From a client’s point of view, if things don’t go a planned, they may experience fear, feelings of disappointment, frustration, and even anger. Their anger is frequently directed at the healthcare provider in general. Little things appear large in the client’s eyes and any healthcare provider who happens to be present may be the target of the client’s fear, frustrations and possibly anger.

A nurse’s thoughts may include: “I can’t do anything about how they feel.” To a certain extent, this may be true; however, there are actions nurses can take and should keep in mind to offer reassurance their clients. I have also experienced that some clients can be extremely difficult to care for reasons that may not ever be clearly understood. Their attitude may be less than stellar but, nurses must always remember that the patient is the one who is seeking care for a health issue that may be extremely difficult for them to accept or cope with.

A diagnosis of coronary artery disease many times requires a change in lifestyle or habits. Lifestyle changes will impact individuals in a variety of ways: socially, financially, occupational impact, and self-esteem, any of which their emotions may be manifested in the form of anger and frustration toward anyone who happens to be around them. Many times, nurses become the sounding board for life’s stressors that our clients are experiencing and may be having difficulty coping with. I am certain there are many other real life situations nurses have experienced. We must reflect back to our training in therapeutic communication and revive some of the effective skills that will help client’s to cope with challenges in their life that have been exacerbated by a change in their health status.

Nurses should strive to have patience, communicate professionally, and have empathy. Remember, if the client “feels” you are rude, inconsiderate, impatient, or don’t care, your risk of being sued if significantly greater if things do not go as planned. NOW HEAR THIS: it doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything wrong. It may be all about the client’s perception!

Tips To Increase Rapport With Patients

1. Self-awareness and effective communication skills include the following:

• Verbal communication is typically considered the spoken words.
• Nonverbal communication includes gestures, expressions, and body language.
• Nurses should use positive body language, such as sitting at the same eye level as the client with a relaxed posture that projects interest and attention. Leaning slightly forward will help engage the client. It is generally best to not cross your arms or legs during communication with your clients because this posture erects barriers to your interaction with them. Uncrossed arms and legs projects openness and a willingness to engage in the conversation. Make sure your verbal responses are consistent with your nonverbal messages.

2. Nurses assess and interpret all forms of patient communication.

• Silence and Listening are a couple of the most difficult but often the most effective communication techniques to use during verbal interactions.
• Passive listening is letting the client do the talking, but,
• Active listening reflects on what the client is talking about.

3. Techniques that inhibit therapeutic communication include:

Advice – telling a patient what to do

Agreement – agreeing with a particular viewpoint of a client (the client may not want to change their mind if they thing it opposes what the nurse agrees to)

Challenges – disputing the client’s beliefs with arguments, logical thinking, or direct order (a nurse belittles a client).

Reassurance – telling a client that everything will be OK (this statement may not be true)

Disapproval – judging the client’s situation and behavior (nurse belittles the client).

Remember, a patient’s perception of the care they received is not necessarily what they got! Right or wrong. It starts with a perception which is “real” to the client.

Very few people actually LIKE paying for health insurance, myself included. However, there is a type of insurance that I recently do not mind paying one bit- dental insurance.

How Dental Insurance Works

There are different types of dental insurance, but the most common typically requires you to pay a deductible dictated by the plan, and the plan will cover up to a certain amount per year for services. For each service, the dentist and insurance provider have a rate that’s agreed upon, which is typically less than the full price of the service. The plan also (usually) only covers a certain percentage of the negotiated price for the service you receive. For example, a dentist’s price for a filling may be $319, but the negotiated rate with your insurance provider may only be $200. Your plan may cover 90% of fillings, which would then require you to pay the other 10%, or $20, for it.

Understanding how dental insurance works is certainly important, but what I think may be even more important is understanding why you should have it. I am a walking advertisement for dental insurance.

What Can Happen When You Are Uninsured

About three years ago, i turned 26 and was no longer able to stay on my parent’s health insurance plan, which included dental coverage. At the same time, i was also in graduate school, only teaching very part-time. I did some research and found a major medical plan through the health insurance marketplace and decided it wouldn’t be a big deal to forego the dental coverage until i finished grad school (i needed every penny i could save!). This was probably one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my adult life.

Two and a half years later, I was offered dental insurance through a new job and decided to enroll. I found myself a dentist, scheduled a check-up, went to said check-up, and got some pretty terrible dental news. Because I put off getting dental insurance (and therefore put off going to the dentist), I have found myself with dozens of procedures- ranging from fillings to root canals to crowns- that need to be done.

You’re probably thinking, “but you have dental insurance to pay for that,” and that’s partly true. However, dental insurance only covers up to a certain amount each year, like I mentioned. For my plan, this is $1500, and with all of the work I need done, that number will far be exceeded… exceeded by thousands.

Words of Advice

My dentist highly recommends that I don’t postpone these procedures until my insurance restarts next year (believe me, I asked). He tells me that “if you’re going to wait for insurance, you’re always going to be waiting for insurance.” At first I found his words to be harsh, but now I completely agree. If I just wait and have a little done when the insurance covers it, I’ll always be trying to catch up, which will likely just breed more problems in the meantime.

I understand that not everyone will experience the same poor dental misfortune that I have, but I had no idea I would encounter so many issues either. If I had any indication of the problems, I definitely would have sucked it up and just bought dental insurance along with my Obamacare plan in the marketplace. That said, you really just never know and it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. Lesson learned.

So please, please learn from my mistakes. Get dental insurance, get your exams, get a cavity filled here and there so that you don’t end up like me and have to have a cavity filled nearly EVERYWHERE.

Putting a guilt trip on anyone for any reason is never a good idea, but using guilt, as the primary tool for getting back together is a definite no no.

I understand that you are anxious to get back with your ex. I get that! But whatever you do avoid slapping him in the face with a big dose of guilt in an effort to get back together. It will backfire terribly.

Think about it, have you ever stayed in a relationship long term because you felt sorry for someone? Were you happy about the relationship? Oh, you might have stayed for a little while, but the longer you stayed out of guilt and pity, the angrier and more resentful you got. Get my point?

I know you feel panic-stricken and would do anything to reverse the direction of a breakup. At this point, you would do almost anything to get back together, but stop long enough to think about the long range repercussions of what you’re doing today in an effort to get your ex back.

The good news is there are several constructive things you can do that can absolutely help, but if you have been begging and guilting, chances are you haven’t been doing the others things that can not only really help the situation, but will also leave you with your integrity intact. You may be saying to yourself, “I don’t care about my integrity”, but it won’t be long before you do care and you will be glad that you behaved well even during this trying time.

Actually, one of the biggest mistakes individuals make when their partners are breaking up with them or are on the verge of breaking up is to play the ole guilt trip card. It is easy to do and it is natural to do. We are feeling scared and sorry for ourselves, and we are more than a little desperate to get him to stay after a breakup.

We, of course, want them to stay for all the right reasons. You would like them to stay because they still love you and can’t see themselves going on without you, but if they’re not to the point of remembering all these wonderful motivating reasons why they got together with you in the first place, you will try anything including guilt, especially as you’re seeing your loved one headed for the door.

So, don’t, and I repeat don’t guilt them in to staying with words like you promised, I will never make it without you, and my life is over without you. All this does is make the person want to get away from you, as well as make you look desperate.

When your ex reconsiders and they will reconsider (just give them time), you want to be the person that he or she fell in love with in the beginning. Would you want to be with someone that was so miserable and thought so little of themselves that they resorted to begging and pleading, and getting them to stay out of guilt?

Warning! Stopping your breakup in its tracks is very possible, but it will be ten times harder if you make this common mistake. Learning how to get back together without playing the guilt card is easy when you have the right information. There are definite techniques that you can use that will greatly improve your chances of getting back together, but using guilt is definitely not one of them.

The Akita is a breed that originates in Japan and has since circulated around the world. This dog is in high demand because of its traits and its long history. Genetically speaking, the Akita is one of the most ancient of dog breeds in the world.

The Akita has a long and storied past and at a point was on the brink of extinction. Originally bred in ancient Japan, it was first used to hunt down dogs. A pair of Akitas was used to attack bears as a trained eagle flew overhead to distract the bear. Aside from hunting they were also used to guard the emperor’s children, at times leaving the children alone with the dogs as though the dogs were the babysitter.

Akita’s are known to have an undesirable temperament. They are said to be temperamental and destructive. Although there are cases that the Akita can be destructive, Akita’s are well known to be quiet dogs that are loyal to the masters. These dogs however need a lot of care. An Akita is very loyal to its master once it has bonded with his master and his family. It would go to the point of protecting you and your family once it has sensed that there is impending danger ahead.

Akita puppies need to be trained early to avoid undesirable behavior. Training at a young age to be social and comfortable around people could go a long way to make sure that they are comfortable around strangers.

It is important to let your puppy know what his or her boundaries are. Some thing that you do with you Akita puppy might be cute and fun as a puppy, but when he grows up it can be difficult. Remember that an Akita can grow up to 120 lbs. That weight can be significant especially for a muscular dog like the Akita.

An Akita is a working dog and it is important to understand that they are most happy when there is a task to do. Working dogs need to feel as though they are busy. It could be as simple as accompanying you on your run or guarding the yard, but these activities help your Akita to feel less anxious and more loved.

Simple things like letting your dogs sleep on the bed or playing tug or war with him or her can set back the training that you already placed foundations on. The simple act of letting your Akita sleep right next to you may seem like it is just affection, but in fact you are putting yourself at an equal level as your dog. He or she can see this as a sign of weakness and cause your dog to not respect and obey you.

Play has to be thought of thoroughly. Games like tug of war when learned at an early age can bring you a lot of trouble because when he carries this to adulthood then it could be hard, especially when your Akita grows to be 120 lbs or more.

Money management is as simple as this. Don’t spend tomorrow’s cash today. Doing so will directly put you in debt. Why would you ever do that? Some debt is unavoidable: car payments, rent, bills, these are all examples of “healthy” debt. Why do I say this is healthy debt? This type of debt is necessary for you to grow into a financially independent person. You need a place to live, a phone, electricity, and you may need a car depending on where you live. The point is, this is healthy debt because you need these items to survive in the world. I imagine that you value your home, so you will be paying your bills on time.

So what is “unhealthy” debt? Unhealthy debt is spending money you don’t have on anything you don’t need. So for example, if you barely have enough money to pay your rent this month, you should not even be considering buying a new TV. I know, it’s common sense, but at the same time some people will still end up buying the TV. This is unhealthy debt. Do not ever force yourself into unhealthy debt.

But take it one step further. Don’t focus on today or tomorrow. Focus on this year or next year. What I mean by this is save up money so that you have enough money to pay multiple months’ rent. If you only have enough money to pay for one month’s rent, then you will have to worry about paying off next month’s rent. But if you have enough money to pay six months’ rent, then all of a sudden that new TV doesn’t sound like such a bad idea.

Not spending tomorrow’s cash extends far into the future. If you are not planning on moving anytime soon, then your first priority should be saving up enough money to stay at your current location for at least a year. You will always have bills to pay, why don’t you just focus on saving up enough to pay for multiple months’ bills? Why wouldn’t you? Those bills will come back again next month.

If you spend tomorrow’s cash today, you force yourself to become a slave to the past. Your past self didn’t care about your future, so in the future you’re going to have to address the problems that your past self created. Help yourself out. Save up enough money so you that you have a secure place to live for at LEAST half a year. After saving up the money, then you can start thinking about making your home look better. But there’s no point in buying a TV if you don’t have a place to watch it.

Do you ever hear people yelling, “More Cowbell,” and wonder what’s taking place?

The request comes from a reference to the song Don’t Fear The Reaper, as made famous by Blue Oyster Cult. Written and sung by Donald “Buck Dharma” Roeser in 1976, the song is just as famous for its progressive guitar playing as the infamous cowbell track. In fact, the timeless guitar hook that begins the song is instantly recognizable, and a crucial riff found in Don’t Fear The Reaper Tabs.

While many beginner students are intimidated by the rhythmic picking of this intro riff, after examining the notes from Don’t Fear the Reaper tabs people are often surprised at the simplicity of the part. This section is based around an A minor, G, F, G progression with an open G pedal tone, and with some practice can be mastered by beginners. As the song progresses, intermediate guitar players can find appropriately challenging guitar parts to learn as well.

These more challenging sections are for players wanting to learn guitar in the style of 70’s progressive rock, where there are often drawn out solo sections and complex rhythms. If one breaks down the bridge section of these Blue Oyster Cult tabs, there’s a 12 measure phrase of 96 eighth notes being played by one guitar, and a solo by another. To learn guitar rhythm sections as complicated as this one, the best strategy is to break it into sections. For the Don’t Fear The Reaper bridge section, there are three sections with about 12 measures long. After learning each of these sections, the Don’t Fear the Reaper guitar solo is a must know for lead guitar players.

The lead guitar section features an unusual guitar scale: the G phrygian with a major third, or B natural note. This scale mode, often referred to as a Spanish phrygian mode, gives the solo an exotic flavor. The addition of string bends and stylized trills can give lead guitar players some new ideas to incorporate into other styles as well.

Dissecting the notes from a good set of Don’t Fear the Reaper tabs will teach a guitar player clever guitar hooks, some new guitar scales, call and response technique, and how to play a true guitar classic.

He who represents himself has a fool for a client.

That old expression is true.

If you’re not a mechanic, would you get under the hood of your car and start taking apart the engine? If you needed an appendectomy, would you do that yourself? Even if you are a surgeon, that is probably still a bad idea. The results would be disastrous. The same goes for representing yourself in court when you are charged with a crime. The results can be, and probably will be disastrous.

In Washington State, when you are charged with a misdemeanor, the maximum penalty you face is ninety days in jail and a one thousand dollar fine. You would also have the conviction on your record for anyone to see, like prospective employers and landlords. Depending on the offense and your criminal history, you may also be placed on probation for up to two years. In addition to the fine that will be imposed, you also have to pay probation fees each month. If you’re on probation for two years, that bill can run up into the thousands of dollars. Oh, and while you’re on probation, you may be ordered to get an evaluation for whatever problem may have contributed to the offense. Guess what; you have to pay for that evaluation too. If the evaluator finds that you have a problem that needs treating, you will have to comply with the treatment recommendation and, yes, you have to pay for the treatment.

All of the probation fees and requirements apply to Gross Misdemeanors too. The difference between a Misdemeanor and Gross Misdemeanor is the maximum penalty. If you are convicted of a Gross Misdemeanor, then the court could impose up to one year in jail and up to a five thousand dollar fine in addition to all of the probation requirements. In Washington, your first Driving While Under the Influence (DUI) is a Gross Misdemeanor. Remember when I said you can receive up to two years of probation for Misdemeanor and Gross Misdemeanor offenses? That is true, except for DUI. In Washington, if you are convicted of DUI, you are placed on probation for five, count ’em, five years. Did you know that? That really should be something you know if you are thinking of trying to represent yourself in a criminal case.

Something you should also be aware of is that DUI is one of a number of offenses that carries a mandatory minimum sentence. That means if you are found guilty of even a first offense DUI, the court must impose at least one day of jail and mandatory minimum fine along with probation. Depending on whether you took the breath test or not, the breath test reading and whether you have prior DUI convictions determines what minimums you are facing. The minimums can be one day, two days, 30 days, 45 days, or more, in jail and mandatory electronic home monitoring on top of that. The mandatory minimum fines increase also depending on the above criteria. You may also be required to install an ignition interlock device in any vehicle you drive. Your privilege to drive will be suspended also. Do you still think you should represent yourself?

If you are convicted of an offense that is considered “domestic violence”, then you are going to have other consequences in addition to everything else I’ve just told you. Specifically, if you are convicted of certain “domestic violence” offenses, you will lose your right to possess a firearm in the State of Washington and federally. Were you going to join the Army or apply to the police academy? Not anymore. You typically need to be able to hold a gun to have those jobs. If you are convicted of a “domestic violence” offense, you don’t get to possess guns. Not until you have a “court of record” restore your right and even then the federal government may still prevent you from owning a gun. Do you know what a “court of record” is? Do you know what you have to do or how long you have to wait to petition the court to restore your right? Your attorney would. Your attorney would also stress to you that if you were to possess a firearm after being convicted of a “domestic violence” offense without having your right restored by a court of record first, you would be committing a felony. Then you’ve just graduated from misdemeanor behavior in your local municipal or district court to felonious behavior in superior court and possible prison time.

Another consequence of being convicted of a “domestic violence” misdemeanor or gross misdemeanor is that you may have a no-contact order issued restricting you from having any contact whatsoever with the victim in the case. That means exactly what it says. If you have a no-contact order against you, you should proceed as if that person does not exist. Do not talk to them, phone, text or email them. Do not send messages to them through a third party. If you do, that is a new criminal charge for violating the order. In Washington, your third violation of a no-contact order is… you guessed it, a felony. If you make the incredibly poor decision to violate the order and then compound your poor decision by assaulting the other person, then you have also committed a felony and it doesn’t even have to be your third violation. Did you know that? Your criminal defense attorney would.

Are you starting to get my drift? Those are just a few possible consequences of being convicted of Misdemeanor and Gross Misdemeanors! Misdemeanors and Gross Misdemeanors are the least serious class of crimes in Washington and you can see what effect they could have on your life. Are those dice that you want to roll on your own? We haven’t even touched on all of the different aspects of going to court.

You’ll notice I have not been talking about representing yourself on a felony charge in superior court. I will not either. The stakes are higher. That is sure suicide if you try to take on the task of representing yourself against felonies. I have been appointed as “stand by” counsel in a couple of cases where the defendants were charged with very serious felonies. After one simple court hearing, one of my clients realized he was so far over his head, he told the judge he wanted me to take over the case. Smart move. I believe his case resolved much better than if he had tried to do it himself.

The other client waited until the day before his jury trial began and then told the judge he wanted me to step in to handle the trial. He had tried to get his own witnesses lined up and prepare his defense on his own from inside the county jail. Needless to say, I did my very best to try the case (even after his expert witness told me that he actually agreed with the State’s expert). Needless to say, we lost the case. He was convicted of very serious charges and received a maximum sentence of ten years.

Let that be a lesson to all of you. People with no legal training or real knowledge of how the system actually works are in serious danger of messing things up their case beyond repair. Just because a person has been charged with a crime and been to court before does not qualify them to represent themselves.

As you can see, I strongly urge anyone charged with a crime, any crime, to get a lawyer or at least talk with one before making a decision. Ask for a free consultation. Ask for a public defender. Yes, a public defender. Do not try this case on your own. Even if you are a lawyer yourself. Say what you want about lawyers, but lawyers (at least most) are smart enough to know better than trying to represent themselves in a criminal matter. As the defendant, you have the right to remain silent. Let someone else who knows what they’re doing, and saying, do the talking for you.

If you can afford to hire a private criminal defense attorney, then please do yourself a favor and do so. Ask anyone you know who has hired a criminal defense attorney for referrals. Research local attorneys online with attorney-referral websites. Try to get a free consultation with more than one attorney. Find out what you can about them. How long have they practiced? How long have they practiced criminal law? How much trial experience do they have? Find someone you feel comfortable with. That will be very important as your case proceeds. If you cannot afford a private attorney, then absolutely apply for a public defender.

PUBLIC DEFENDERS

People find it fashionable to hack on the public defenders. They refer to them as “public pretenders” and other derogatory names. But you know what? At the very least, they have a law degree. They’ve been to law school and have passed the bar exam. Even with the bare minimum requirements to be a lawyer, they are in a much better position than you are to represent you in court.

People who get convicted of an offense will blame their public defender. Some think, if you don’t walk away scott-free, then you must have been failed by the public defender. As if the public defender actively sought to get you convicted of the offense. They talked you into pleading guilty. Bull. You are the client. You make the final decisions as to what happens with your case. If you don’t want to plead guilty to anything and set it for trial, that is completely up to you. Your public defender (or private attorney for that matter) may advise you that going to trial may be a bad idea depending on the evidence the prosecution has against you. They may also tell you the consequences you face if you decide to turn down whatever plea bargain is on the table and go to trial. The attorney would not be doing their job if they didn’t tell you those things. In fact, they are required to disclose all offers (even the lame ones) to the client. It doesn’t mean they are trying to talk to you into pleading guilty. It means they are doing their jobs and their ethical duties.

Public defenders are historically overloaded with cases. The city or county that pays for the office only has so much money to spend on the public defender’s office. That means they can only hire a limited number of attorneys. All of the cases that are referred to that public defender’s office have to be split up among that limited number of attorneys. The number of cases increase at a faster pace than the number of attorneys. Even if the county or city council approves a budget to add another lawyer, the lawyer is a band aid. And the caseload will continue to grow and swallow up any extra benefit the new attorney added.

Even with that being the case, it is still better than attempting to represent yourself. The reason is that the overworked public defender still has the knowledge, skill and most importantly, the experience practicing in court and handling cases that you do not.

Criminal law is all the public defender practices. They are not part of a general practice law firm that may handle a couple of criminal cases for their civil clients once in a while. All day, every day, the public defender is reading and researching the criminal law. They are writing and arguing motions to suppress evidence and dismiss charges. They are trying criminal cases to the bench (a judge only) and to juries. Even the rookie public defender who has just graduated law school and passed the bar exam is in a better position than you to represent you in court. How you ask? They have resources. The biggest resource a new attorney has is the other attorneys in his or her office. They routinely go to their colleagues or supervisors and run cases by them and ask for advice.

Normally a lawyer might claim law school is a waste of time but one thing law school teaches potential young lawyers is issue spotting. Issue spotting is incredibly important to your case. Would you know if an officer followed the proper procedure in obtaining your confession? Would you know if the officer broke the chain of custody in processing your evidence? Do you know what “chain of custody” means? You may think you could get your statements or evidence suppressed on your own, but you’d probably be wrong. You would find, probably the hard way, that there is more to getting statements and evidence suppressed than just crying “Miranda!” or “Fourth Amendment!”.

Another crucial tool a lawyer learns in law school is how to research the issue you’ve spotted. Do you know where to go to research? Do you know what to look for when you get there? Is there a court rule that controls? Is it a statute you’re looking for? Is it an evidentiary question you’re trying to answer? Is it, God forbid, legislative history of the statute you need? Is it a case interpreting any of the above that you need to find? If you find it, is it still good law? Even a new public defender knows where the local law library is (or which internet site to use) and where to begin looking when they get there.

Let me ask you this? How many cases have you tried to the jury? Hmmmm? What’s that you say? None? You have never stood before a judge, prosecutor and jury and tried a case? Never cross examined a witness against you? Do you even know the mechanics of a trial? That is, do you know what motions, if any, to make before the trial begins? Do you know what those motions are even called? Do you know how to select a jury? What is the purpose of an opening statement? What types of questions are allowed during direct and cross examination of a witness? How do you present an effective closing argument? And you think it is a good idea to learn these things for the first time when you are the one whose future hangs in the balance? If you’ve never performed surgery before, would it be a good idea to start by giving yourself an appendectomy?

As stated above, if you can afford to hire a private attorney, then please do so. However, if you cannot afford a private attorney and do qualify for a public defender, then by all means, accept him or her. Remember you can assist your attorney in your defense. They would appreciate the help. Cooperate with them. The defense may develop much easier and be stronger if you help your attorney and not fight them because they are a public defender.

Public Defender offices are like any other office in any other business. They have some employees who are very, very good, dedicated and work as hard as they can. They also have employees who try hard, but may not be as good. Unfortunately, there are probably some, a very, very small amount, who are not as dedicated and do not work as hard. That is just a fact of life. But, it’s not because those people are public defenders. They would be the same worker if they were prosecutors, private attorneys, doctors, or cab drivers. That is who they are.

But, if you are in the super minority of clients who get that public defender, all hope is not lost. The result may simply be that they are difficult to work with because they don’t return phone calls, etc. As mentioned above, you can assist your attorney in your defense. We know you will be motivated because it your case. So, anything you can do to help the defense, such as gather your witnesses names, phone numbers, etc. and give those to your lawyer. Another way to help is be completely honest with your attorney. Tell your family and friends whatever you want, but you have to give your attorney the true facts as you know them. Fewer things are harder in defending a case than not knowing all of the facts. That doesn’t mean the attorney is going to be revealing any of your information to anyone. They can’t because of the attorney-client privilege. It will help the attorney to know which questions to ask or not ask when examining a witness at trial or when negotiating with the prosecutor.

If you think you can afford an attorney, take advantage of free consultations and discuss your options with a private attorney. Find one you feel comfortable with and hire them.

If you cannot afford to hire a private attorney, apply for the public defender. Remember, “he who represents himself has a fool for a client.” Don’t be a fool.

You may have heard the phrase, or even used the phrase, “My name is mud.” Many historians attribute the phrase to Dr. Samuel Mudd who after the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln was convicted of conspiracy in 1865. Mudd was saved from the gallows by one vote and was sentenced to life in prison. After serving four years in a South Carolina prison, he was pardoned by President Johnson due to Mudd’s assistance treating prisoners during a yellow fever epidemic. Dr. Mudd spent the rest of his life trying to clear his name, and his descendants have tried through present time, including a case that was heard by the U.S. Supreme Court in 2003, to posthumously clear the stigma from their family.

How was Mudd linked to John Wilkes Booth, Lincoln’s assassin, and the other conspirators? What was his purported participation in the conspiracy? Dr. Mudd was a local town doctor in Maryland. He had met Booth in November of 1864 when Booth was looking for real estate in Maryland. Booth visited Mudd’s home and purchased a horse from a neighbor. Several weeks later in December, Mudd and Booth met again in Washington, DC where they shared drinks at a local tavern. The two did not see each other again until April 15, 1865, the day after Booth assassinated Lincoln at the Ford’s Theater in Washington. Mudd treated Booth for the broken leg he suffered when leaping from the balcony after shooting Lincoln. Booth left Mudd’s house the following day and the two never met again.

Dr. Mudd was questioned about his association with Booth by authorities initially as a witness. Unfortunately, he told authorities that he had met Booth only once before when he initially met him for the real estate matters. Whether it was deliberate or inadvertent, he did not tell them about the second encounter with Booth several weeks later. Mudd later wrote that the second encounter was a chance meeting while on a Christmas shopping trip. Regardless of how the encounter occurred or if it was a deliberate omission or not, the fact that Mudd failed to inform police of that meeting led him to then be viewed as a suspect.

At Mudd’s trial, prosecutors were able to paint Mudd as a liar and argue that he deliberately misled investigators simply because he failed to mention that second encounter. The jury, based on that evidence found Mudd guilty of the conspiracy.

Unless you are the victim of a crime, or you are a completely unrelated and innocent eyewitness, you should always seek the advice of a criminal defense attorney before giving ANY statement to police. As illustrated with the case of Dr. Mudd, if you do give a statement which is incomplete, even if that omission is an innocent mistake, you can be portrayed as untruthful and misleading, and ultimately guilty of a crime.

The best thing to do if you are approached by police for a statement is to immediately demand that you have a criminal attorney present during all questioning. Anything you say to your attorney is confidential. Furthermore, if you do give a statement through your attorney, that statement may not be used against you in any way.

I want to get right to the point with this article and explore why I think so many fathers are so totally opposed to their sons taking ballet and where the American prejudice against male dancers comes from. I am not trying to offend anyone with this article, but at the same time I have caught so much flack and encountered so much ignorance as a male dancer myself that what I have to say may irritate some. I hope this will be taken in an open-minded way as this is a real problem and I seek to explain what the real, ground-level reasons are for it.

Ever since I can remember I heard my friends giggle or make jokes at any man wearing tights dancing on stage. In the days long before YouTube and Cable TV, movies might be shown in school as part of a history or civilization class and would inevitably touch on the arts and then at some point show ballet. As soon as the male dancer appeared, here came the jokes and snickers. Since I had done ballet myself since the age of 4 this always struck a real nerve with me but most of the time no one else knew I took ballet so I would just sit quietly and listen to the snide remarks. I must say that while this is not at all the same thing as someone being made fun of or joked about because of their race, I do think I know something of that same feeling because I always loved ballet and would never not do it but hearing people disparage something I knew to be so great and that was a part of me really hurt in a way that leaves you feeling totally powerless to deal with it.

Much later in life I finally gained the perspective to look back on my childhood and also hear the comments being made anew and make some insights into where this prejudice comes from. What follows is my analysis of the prejudice against male ballet dancers.

1) Smooth or graceful movement confused with moving “like a girl”.

Many, many men don’t ever fully appreciate the value of being able to have a wide range of motion for the body and the ability to move separate parts of it at the same time and smoothly so as to maintain balance. Practically all the sports anyone has watched on TV since the 1950’s shows athletes very highly conditioned to move in straight lines as fast or powerfully as possible. Male ballet dancers MUST move in a different way because the goal of a dancer is to maintain balance rather than impart a large amount of energy into a ball or into another person’s body to knock them down. A great many confuse this with ballet making men move like girls. Quite apart from this, ballet actually makes men move a lot like someone practicing Tai Chi or Kung Fu or especially Yoga. Add to this the idea that ballet is a pure creative exercise set to music, not something intended to hurt or render another person unconscious, and you arrive at the basis for one of the big misconceptions of ballet regarding men. Curiously this is also the reason why many men find ballet extremely challenging to do and gain a grudging respect for it later in life if they ever take a class their daughter might be in during an open house type event.

2) Boys don’t wear tights

Let’s examine this one. When I warned that I may offend some people with this article, this part is exactly what I was referring to. I don’t know how else to approach this, so here it goes: Every male athlete wears tights or far less. Swimmers? You wear lycra speedos. Wrestlers? Seriously, what is that spandex bodytard thing you guys wear? Football? Lycra-spandex cut off tights with some extra padding and a cup. Don’t confuse the shoulder pads and upper jersey with the fact you guys also wear a chopped up version of tights. And, if boys are doing “girly” things when they dance, what do you call getting right behind a Center’s rear end and putting your hands almost in his crotch before a snap of the ball?

3) My son will be gay if he takes ballet

Now I am a flaming heterosexual if you ask my wife. I do know many gay guys, but many of the gay guys I know are sports junkies and never ever did any ballet. And as body-built up as they are from pumping iron all the time they’d have as much luck doing ballet as Arnold Schwarzenegger. This one really stumps me to be honest and it comes up a lot as a reason why dads will not let their sons take ballet. Are there gay male dancers? Sure. Are there gay men in every profession including sports? Yes, there are, and again as the football and wrestling examples given above show, if I were a gay man I’d do those sports because then I’d be in direct physical contact with other athletic guys rather than ballet where 99.99% of the time you are dancing with GIRLS! More specifically, you are partnering girls which involves holding them in all kinds of very difficult positions and getting sweat all over yourself from them which no gay man wants because most gay men do not want close contact with women. Honestly I have to say there is just no basis to this prejudice just as there is no basis to any racial prejudice and the answer to any prejudice is education not arguing the prejudice itself because it is founded on ignorance or outright stupidity. To be brutally honest fathers who are too over dominating of their sons run a much greater risk of causing their boys to become gay than any art form including ballet could ever pose.

Now many children – boys and girls – don’t like ballet and won’t take ballet classes and that’s just fine, no activity or sport or art is for everyone. I only hope to spark the checking of the premises for anyone out there who holds to this ignorant prejudice against boys taking ballet because for those that do want to, ballet can be a life-long benefit that will improve mental and physical health, stimulate academic performance, almost guarantee a scholarship to college for any half-way capable male dancer, and foster creativity and imagination for a lifetime. This is hardly something to be opposed to.

With the New Year upon us, we have an opportunity to start with a clean slate and perhaps turn over a new leaf. But as attractive as this sounds, unfortunately, most New Year’s resolutions are abandoned by the end of January. It always seems like a good idea to set a new goal for yourself in the coming year, but there are some basic reasons behind why New Year’s resolutions don’t work. If you want to create real change in your life, then it’s important to understand why a lot of people don’t get to see their proclamations blossom.

One reason why New Year’s resolutions don’t work is that people often take on too much when writing out their list. Some of these lists are like novels. The synopsis would read, “I want to change the entirety of who I am in one year.” This is a recipe for disaster; no one can keep that many resolutions. And it can also serve as a reminder of all the things you don’t like about yourself, which is more likely to send you running for the ice cream in your freezer, than send you running to the gym.

Another reason New Year’s resolutions don’t work is that they’re often based on things that you think you’re supposed to do, and not necessarily on things that you want to do. You think you should exercise more, you think you should lose weight, you think you should stop smoking, you think you should start keeping a journal. These are all good things, but if you don’t really want to do them, then there’s nothing really there to motivate you to keep at it. These types of resolutions can stress you out. Authentic passion behind your goal,is what it takes to keep your rump in gear toward making it all happen.

Naturally, we’re all really pumped when we first make our New Year’s resolutions. The last thing anyone wants, is to see their dreams deflated. Here’s an effective way to craft genuine change in your future. Pick one area of your life that you’d like to improve, and focus on making baby steps of progress in that area. By taking things a little at a time, you’re far more likely to follow through and take things day by day. And who says that you have to wait for the New Year? The rest of your life is starting now.