Here is a prayer that the Lord gave me for some couples that were facing possible divorce. My hope and prayer is that it will be a blessing to you and others that you know. I truly believe that prayer has the power to change things. God’s Word says, “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective”. (James 5:16) I encourage you, my brothers and sisters in Christ, to be bold and let your voice and prayers be lifted up as a fragrant incense into the very throne room of God.

Thank you, Father that you have instituted the covenant of marriage. Father, as Your Word says in Genesis, Matthew, Mark, and Ephesians that in the beginning of creation You made male and female, and for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. And again in Malachi it is written, “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his”. And it is also written in 1 Corinthians that each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. And again in Malachi it says to guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. You said, Lord, that you hate divorce. Therefore, Lord, we come against divorce.

Your word says that whatever we bind on earth is bound in heaven and whatever we lose on earth is lost in heaven. Therefore we bind up the lies of the enemy that are coming against the minds and spirits of the men and women of Your church, Lord. We bind up doubt and we lose truth, we bind up confusion and we lose a sound mind, we bind up rebellion and we lose obedience and submissiveness to You, Lord, and Your Word. We bind up any roots of bitterness and we lose forgiveness, we bind up rejection and we lose the spirit of adoption, we bind up the spirit of lust and we lose faithfulness and purity.

Father, We stand against divorce in every way. Help us to hate it as much as you do. Father, We acknowledge that Satan is a defeated foe. He is void of any power. For Jesus conquered him and made an open show of him, humiliating him in front of all our enemies. And we as believers, have been given all power and authority over the enemy and his lies. For your Word says that all authority had been given to you and that you gave it to us. Your word says that we are co-heirs with Jesus, and that we are seated together with Him in the heavenly realms. Far above all power, principalities, authorities and the rulers of darkness in this present world and in the one to come. The enemy is under our feet. Therefore we are putting Satan and all the demons of hell on notice right now that we are standing in the full authority of the Name of Jesus that was given to us and that they are lost from their assignment against the marriage of ___________________________________ (fill in the blank with the name of the family you are praying for).

We cover this marriage with the precious blood of Jesus and we confess that this is a pure and godly marriage. That _______________________(names of the couple you are praying for) are actually one flesh, for this is written in God’s Word. We call them back to the covenant relationship with the spouse that God has placed them with. We call them back to their homes and say that they will not break covenant with the wife/husband of their youth. We break the hold that the enemy has on their mind and we bring all their thoughts captive to the lordship and obedience of Jesus Christ. We lose them to think on things which are just, lovely, pure, honest, holy and of good report. If there is any virtue, if there is any praise, these are the things they will think on.

The lies of the enemy we expose. They shall know the truth and the truth shall set them free. For it is for freedom that Christ has died, therefore they stand firm and do not allow themselves to be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Arise and shine O sleeper, for the glory of the Lord shines among you.We call _______________________ (names of the people you are praying for), to take their rightful, God-ordained place in the family. Father, we pray that their will, will line up with Your will. We pray that their spirits will be stirred up within them to be pleasing in Your eyes, Lord. Give them a burning desire to grow closer to You in every way, and teach them obedience, Lord. Save them from themselves and from their enemies. Give them eyes to see and ears to hear what the Holy Spirit is speaking to them. May their spouses and their families be always in their mind and thoughts, always before their eyes. May they think on them every waking moment and when they go to sleep. May their thoughts towards them be good, and just and may they long for them, Lord. Oh, may their hearts break at the thought of being separated from them even one more day.

Lord, the King’s heart is in your hands, direct it like a watercourse back to their spouse and their family. May they put on themselves love that binds them together in perfect unity. Father, place in them the agapao love for each other. A love that enables the men to love their wives as Christ loves the church, a love that enables a wife to be submissive towards her husband and that her eyes and heart and desire will always be for her husband. A pure love, a lasting love. Father, in the beginning, You said, and it was so. Your word tells us to have the faith of God and to be imitators of God. Your word also says that Your word will not return void but will accomplish that which it was sent forth to do. Therefore, the things we have spoken tonight are so. They have been spoken into existence. Your word says that you say “Yes” to all your promises And if two or more agree on anything that it shall be done for us. Therefore we confess these things as done.

Now Lord, because Your word says that we are trapped by what we say, that we are ensnared by the words of our mouths we ask you to, set a guard over our mouths keep watch over the doors of our lips. Let not one word of doubt come out of our mouths. Help us to speak words of life, faith and truth according to Your word. We thank You, Lord, and we pray all things in Jesus name and say,” Amen” to the glory of God.

The other day, I received an email from a very upset wife who told me that her husband had sat her down, indicated that he’d been thinking long and hard about their marriage, and had decided that she “deserved better so he wanted a divorce.” Needless to say, she’s very confused by this. She isn’t sure if the whole “deserve better” statement is just an excuse that he’s using for wanting out. She’s not sure if he’s guilty for or hinting at something that he wants to disclose and she isn’t sure how to respond. Should she stress that she’s perfectly happy and he’s wrong about deserving more? Or, should she try to dig deeper to determine just would is behind this and risk making the situation worse? I’ll answer these questions in the following article.

How You Should Respond To The “You Deserve Better” Excuse If You Want To Save Your Marriage: Many wives get so caught up on proving to their husband that they’re wrong about this that they really miss the true point. The real issue here is that your husband is asking you for or telling you that he wants a divorce. He may be using this as an excuse or he may really believe it to be true. But, the fact remains that there is something so wrong right now that he wants to throw in the towel.

So, don’t make the mistake of thinking so much about the reason behind it. Focus instead on fixing it. It’s OK to ask your husband if he can share with you why he may feel this way. It’s entirely possible that he feels remorse about something and is looking for a way to unload. And, he figures if he puts divorce out there, whatever he has to unload will seem tame by comparison.

But, if he doesn’t disclose, then this may just be an excuse. So, you shouldn’t repeatedly dwell on it or heap on more negative emotions or implications. What you can do though is focus on what is the cause behind almost all divorces that occur – a lack of intimacy, a loss of connectedness, and a lessening of affection and empathy. In truth, no matter what he is saying about this “deserving better” business, it’s highly likely that other things are at play.

Your Goal Right Now: Don’t mistake your goal for convincing your husband that he is wrong. Your real goal should be to build the relationship up through positive interactions and exchanges. You’re better off showing him that things can be lighthearted, upbeat and happy again rather than repeatedly trying to tell or convince him. Once he sees that the two of you can connect again in the old, positive, and fulfilling way, then it would no longer make sense for him to assume that you would want or deserve anything else.

What it always comes back to is reigniting and reintroducing the two people who first fell in love. Yes, I know that times have changed from when you were dating. I know that you have more responsibilities and issues that take up your time. But, in truth, every one wants the same thing out of their marriage. They want to feel understood, worthy, competent, desirable, and admired. These things can’t happen if you don’t give your marriage and your spouse the time that they deserve.

And look at it this way. You really already know what connects the two of you. You’ve already fallen deeply in love before. Take a moment to remember how you accomplished this. It was probably through shared fun, intimate times between two open hearted and happy people who were focused on one another. You can get back to this place and when you do, neither of you are going to be worrying about whether the other is getting everything that they deserve and are entitled to.

Don’t focus so much on the semantics at hand. Almost always, the underlying situations that precede a divorce are lessening intimacy and connectedness – no matter what excuses are offered up or what is said. Focus on these things. You may have to move slowly and break it down day by day. This is OK. But, if you can address and fix these things, the rest will usually fall into place.

When choosing a divorce lawyer, it is difficult to just pick somebody you barely know and trust him with everything you have. Working with a lawyer requires trust and a harmonious working relationship that could last for months. You should be able to pick the right one for your case. It’s the one who can formulate a winning legal solution to your dilemma.

Here are some of the most important qualities you need to consider when looking for a good divorce lawyer:

1. Mastery of Family Law

When choosing a divorce lawyer, you should pick someone who devotes his legal practice in family law. This is a complex field in the area of legal practice. You should find someone who has the experience and skills needed in tackling the intricacies of the divorce process. Remember, the welfare of your children children is at stake here. You should not entrust it to someone who cannot guarantee a win-win solution to your problem.

2. Attention to Details.

Good lawyers are detail-oriented. They should know the facts to be able to effectively win any legal argument. When choosing a divorce attorney, you should be able to perceive his attentiveness and involvement right during the first time you consult to him your case. A good legal counsel is expected to fight for the rights of his client. He should give you 100 percent of his attention when you talk to him about your case. If he’s busy doing other things while you’re discussing, you should find a way to excuse yourself and go somewhere else.

3. Good Communication Discipline

Timely communication is important in an attorney-client relationship. You should be able to notice this during the first stages of your consultation process. You should also know his office policies on proper taking and returning of client calls. This will help to tell you how dedicated your prospect legal adviser is to his job. Timely communication plays an important role in formulating winning strategies for legal issues.

4. Selective in Picking Clients

A lawyer who accepts anyone who needs his service will have a hard time studying and evaluating each case. He will be spreading himself so thinly he won’t be able to focus on any of them. It is not good on the part of his clients. An attorney who chooses clients to represent is someone who is probably dedicated and committed to quality service.

5. Personality Matters

A law professional works to represent his client in legal proceedings and in the negotiating table. He should possess a personality that matches or complements with yours. You should feel comfortable with your lawyer so that both of you can work effectively in a personal level. Remember, you will be sharing with him important details of about your life.

6. Proactive

Being proactive is one of the positive qualities of law professionals. They listen, evaluate, discuss, advice, and attempt to find a win-win solution to your divorce problem. Unlike other cases, divorce is not actually about winning, as both parties are emotionally struggling to keep it going. Divorce focuses more on settling and finding fair solutions to a marriage problem. A proactive lawyer should find ways to settle the problem without bringing it to trial.

7. Honesty

Your divorce attorney should be honest with you about the condition and his evaluation of your case. He should not make promises that can lead to false hopes. He should make you understand the meaning of legal terms related to your case. He should be able to provide truthful answers your questions about the direction of your case.

These are some of the most important qualities of a competent divorce attorney. Look for these in your search for one, and you will find a lawyer you can trust.

Follow these guidelines to make the transition of divorce and the process of family restructuring and rebuilding easier for you and your children.

1. If you have not done so already, call a truce with your Ex. (Note: Your Ex does not have to take the same action.) Divorced parents can succeed at co-parenting. That success may not begin with harmony but, at a minimum, a ceasefire is necessary.

2. You are stuck with each other forever. One day, you will be Grandma and Grandpa to the same babies. And when these babies are grown they will repeat the stories that they heard about Grandma and Grandpa. This will be your legacy. How do you want to be depicted?

3. Divorce creates a breakdown of trust and communication. Accept this and work towards rebuilding trust and communication with the other parent, even if it feels like you are doing all of the work. And, be patient, emotional wounds need time to heal.

4. Establish a business relationship with your former spouse. The business is the co-parenting of your children. Business relationships are based on mutual gain. Emotional attachments and expectations don't work in business. Instead, in a successful business communication is up-front and direct, appointments are scheduled, meetings take place, agendas are provided, discussions focus on the business at hand, everyone is polite, formal courtesies are observed, and agreements are explicit, clear, and written. You do not need to like the people you do business with but you do need to put negative feelings aside in order to conduct business. Relating in a business-like way with your former spouse may feel strange and awkward at first so if you catch yourself behaving in an unbusiness-like way, end the conversation and continue the discussion at another time.

5. There are at least two versions to every story. Your child may attempt to slant the facts in a way that gives you what she thinks you want to hear. So give the other parent the benefit of the doubt when your child reports on extraordinary discipline and / or rewards.

6. Do not suggest possible plans or make arrangements directly with pre-adolescent children. And, always confirm any arrangements you have discussed with an older child with the other parent ASAP.

7. The transition between Mom's house and Dad's house is often difficult. Be sure to have your children clean, fed, ready to go, and in possession of all of their paraphernalia when its time to make the switch. Better yet, if possible avoid the dreaded switch by structuring your time sharing so that weekends start Friday after school and end with school drop-off on Monday morning.

8. Do not screen calls from the other parent or limit telephone contact between your child and the other parent. Instead, ensure that your child is available to speak to the other parent when s / he is on the telephone.

9. Do not discuss the divorce, finances, or other adult subjects with your children. Likewise, avoid saying anything negative about other parent and his / her family and friends to your children.

10. Children are always listening – especially when you think they're not. So, avoid discussions regarding the divorce, finances, the other parent, and other adult subjects when your children are within earshot.

11. Avoid using body language, facial expressions or other subtleties to express negative thoughts and emotions about the other parent. Your child can read you!

12. You can discuss your feelings with your children to the extent that they can understand them. But, if you let your child know that you are terrified of the future, your child will be terrified too. Instead, keep a balanced emotional perspective that focuses on the difference between feelings and facts.

13. Do not use your child as a courier for messages or money.

14. Support your child's right to visit their grandparents and extended family. Children benefit from knowing their roots and heritage. And, children love tradition. Extended family provides children with a sense of consistency, connection, and identity – especially during divorce. Remember neither extended family is better or worse – they are just different.

15. Avoid the urge to question your child or press him for information regarding the details of your co-parents personal or professional life.

16. Each parent must establish and maintain his or her own relationship with the children. Neither of you should act as a mediator between the children and the other parent. And, neither of you should act as the defense attorney, presenting a child's case to the other parent.

17. Be on time for pick-ups and drop-offs. Do not enter the other parent's home unless you are invited in.

18. Your child's relationship with his parents will influence his relationships for the rest of his life. Never put your child in a position where he has to choose between his parents or decide where his familial allegiances lie. Instead, allow him to love both parents without fear of angering or hurting the other.

19. Do not take it personally if your teenager prefers to be with his / her friends. Don't push, but remain available. If you feel rejected and back-off, your teen may feel rejected in return.

20. Expect that your children may feel confused, guilty, sad and / or abandoned in response to the divorce. Acknowledge their feelings as normal and remind them that even though the family is undergoing a major change, you and their Dad / Mom will always be their parents.

21. Even if the other parent disappoints your child or fails to honor a time commitment, you will tell the child that in spite of this error the other parent loves the child very much.

22. If your kids want to talk, shut-up and listen.

23. Keep your children informed about the day-to-day details of their lives and your separation / divorce in a way that they can understand.

24. Maintain as many security anchors (continuation of relationships, rituals, and the environment) as possible.

25. Don't overindulge your children out of guilt or in an attempt to "buy" them. Children want to stay up late but they need rest. Children want candy but they need vegetables. Children express financial wants but they have emotional needs. Give your children a small amount of what they want and a lot of what they need.

26. Remember no one is all bad or all good. Be honest (with yourself) about your ex's and your own strengths and weaknesses.

27. Be consistent in how you discipline your children. Set boundaries, giving them freedom within a limited area, and enforced rules outside of the "corral."

28. Avoid giving mixed messages or false hopes of reunification.

29. Remember that schedules will have to change from time to time to accommodate circumstances and your child's development. If you need to change the schedule notify your co-parent ASAP. When your co-parent needs to change the schedule show a relaxed flexibility and go with the flow.

30. Share good memories, but do not live in the past.

31. Consider temporarily separating your children in order to give each parent some individual time with each child.

32. Introduce your child to neighborhood children that she can play with at her second home.

33. Consider holding monthly family meetings, with a rotating chair, to discuss chores, problems, schedules, plans and challenges.

34. Coordinate with your co-parent so that school events, functions and activities are covered. Who will buy the school pictures? Who will handle field trips? Who will work the fund-raiser? Who will work on the science project? Who will buy the school supplies? Who will handle the teacher's gift?

35. Don't forget old family traditions and rituals – practice them and create new ones.

36. Be willing to separate your needs from the needs of your children and make their needs the priority.

37. Keep parenting issues separate from money issues.

38. If possible, tell your children about the pending separation together before one parent leaves. Plan a transition time if you can.

39. Remember to tell your children:
(a) Your father / mother and I made the choice to divorce because we thought it would be best for everyone.
(b) Both your father / mother and I love you and will always love you. The love that a parent has for a child never ends.
(c) Your mother / father and I are working together to make sure we take care of you.
(d) Your mother / father and I each have a special relationship with you. You can love us both and never feel that it means choosing between us, just like each of us loves you and your brother / sister.

40. Ensure that boy / girlfriends and potential step-parents go slow, stay out of the divorce, don't interfere in a child's relationship with either of his natural parents, and do not encourage the child to call them Mom or Dad.

41. Children, of any age, may be hesitant to spend time with a parent for a variety of reasons. Both parents should encourage the child to go with the other parent.

42. If you are not united it will confuse your child and confirm to him that he can manipulate you.

43. Make sure that your child's friends' parents know your co-parent and know that they can trust him / her with their child.

44. If you are a long-distance parent:
(a) Remember that your child is a digital native. On the other hand, depending on your age, you may be a digital immigrant. Use your child's advanced knowledge of technology to keep you connected.
(b) Watch TV together. Let your child know that you will be watching her favorite show and will be ready to talk about it.
(c) Give your child pre-addressed, stamped manila envelopes so that he can send you schoolwork and other paperwork.
(d) Make audio and video recordings for each other. Nothing to say? Record yourself reading a book and mail the book and the recording to your child.
(e) Remember small events. Send cards, pictures and letters for Halloween, Valentine's Day, The 4th of July, etc.
(f) Set up web cams on your computer and your kids' computers. Use video mail and YouTube to connect.
(g) Use My-space, Facebook, and Twitter to stay in touch, if you can do so privately and safely.
(h) Make sure that your kids have cell phones with your number programmed in. Use text messages and photos to stay in touch throughout the day.
(i) Keep up with schoolwork. Send teachers pre-addressed, stamped manila envelopes so that it's easy to send you updates. If you hear nothing be sure to initiate communications with teachers by telephone and email.

45. Befriend other divorced families that have been successful in the transition and use them as mentors.

46. ​​Divorce is not an event, it is a process. Allow yourself, your ex-spouse and your children at least two years for readjustment.

47. Divorce in itself will not destroy your children. It is your reaction to the divorce that has the power to destroy their coping mechanisms. On-going conflict and emotionally unavailable parents who have regressed into boy / girl crazy adolescents are the real culprits.

48. Don't use your children to fill your need for companionship. If you don't have one, GET A LIFE !! This is crucial to your (and your child's) recovery from divorce. Seek out support from friends, family, support groups, a divorce coach. Consider entering into therapy with a licensed mental health professional. Consider joining Parents-Without-Partners, Co-dependent's Anonymous or a Church group for divorced / widowed persons.

49. Dissolving a marriage does not mean the dissolution of the family or your parenting obligations. In fact, while a family is undergoing the restructuring process the children need strong and caring parents more then ever. If you and / or your ex are too emotionally drained to be those parents find temporary substitutes who can give your kids what they need.

50. Every child needs at least one loving, stable parent. It is YOUR responsibility to be that parent. And, if your child is lucky enough to have an additional parent – a loving step-parent, rejoice – because no child can have too many people love him.

As you consider the divorce process, one of the questions that you will ask is about mediation and whether it will work for you. Mediation is a lower cost alternative to divorce attorneys and litigation, or it may be a part of your attorney’s process for divorce. Some states, such as Florida, require the parties to attend a mediation session prior to the courtroom procedures. Conceptually, if you can resolve the problems within the mediation process, your costs will be lower, you will make the decisions, and you will guide the progression of the meetings. Within the legal courtroom system, the judge drives the process and is the decision maker. Which way is best for your situation becomes a function of what you hope to gain via the courtroom process compared to what you will gain via the mediation sessions. Mediation is not an easy process and requires diligence and time. Like anything else in life, it is what you put into it, which will help determine your outcome. If you are willing to devote the time, the period of negotiation with your spouse, quite possibly attorney fees if necessary, and the mediator fees, it then becomes a route that could be very successful. If you plan to go into the process expecting the work to be performed by others, with little preparation or facts, then mediation may not be the solution for your situation.

When looking at mediation as an alternative to lawyers and the courtroom, one of the major questions has to be costs, or, “what will the mediation cost me in comparison to the lawyers and courtroom scenario?” While this is also dependent upon the assets which you may have, such as children, homes, cars, 401K’s, and personal possessions, since each of these areas need to be dealt with be it in the courtroom or in mediation, generally mediation costs approximately $250-$400/hour. If the problems could be resolved in 8 hours, then the costs may range from $2000 – $3200 plus the cost of the Agreement, which averages about $500, and court costs, which are approximately $500 as well. So, within mediation, it is possible to get divorced and resolve all the marital issues for approximately $3000 – $4200. If we compare this to the litigation road, the initial down payment for many of the attorneys will be $2500, and that would be multiplied by both husband and wife. So before the process starts, each side’s attorney will almost get the equivalent of what it would take to resolve the issues and walk away with an agreement under mediation. General costs on litigated divorces have been significantly higher, dependent upon the net worth of the couple. As we all have read, the higher the net worth, the more expensive the divorce.

So, will divorce mediation work for you? If you can put aside your anger, frustration and differences to sit down with your spouse and work out the Parenting Agreement, Financial Agreement, and the “who gets what agreement” then mediation may be able to work for you. But, if you can’t get over the frustration, anger, and bad feelings that dealing with your spouse brings, then maybe the court road is in your future. Don’t forget, the money that you give your litigators are the monies you could be giving your children, or using for your retirement. That choice is yours!

Most people have watched the drama of unhealthy marriages break apart around them, and also across the big screen. The scene is all too common; fights ensue over custody, investments, vacation homes, and whatever else bound man and wife together through their courtship. A family law attorney typically comes next. It’s no surprise that keeping divorce proceedings moving promptly and in a respectful manner requires some outside help. Here are the three main reasons you may want to consider a family law attorney before proceeding with a divorce.

Child Custody

If you and your spouse had children during your marriage, you have likely considered their fate many times before going through with a divorce. Where will they live permanently? How often will we switch visitation? How will we split their expenses? In order to resolve these questions and concerns, a family law attorney can provide their years of expertise in this area to these decisions much easier.

Depending on the level of respect and communication between the couple going through the split, custody decisions can be made in two ways. Either the parents will reach an agreement as a result of informal settlement negotiations (typically with attorneys present) or dispute resolution options like mediation. If neither of these options works, the court will make a decision. Typically, it is best for the children if parents can come to decisions together before taking the matter to court with the guidance of an experienced law professional.

Property Ownership

When couples first get married, they typically invest in property together. When it comes to dividing this property, many different factors play a role in how the assets are split up. Most states use the “common law” systems of ownership, which is something an attorney would have far more experience in handling. You’ll need your past documentation such as the deed, registration, or any other title paper. If both of your names are on the paperwork, then property can be split half and half. Otherwise, things get a bit more complicated, especially if a prenup is involved. This is where a family law attorney can take over when worrying about how property will be divided in a couple.

Bank Accounts

It comes as no surprise that most spouses share some form of a bank account. Some couples maintain individual bank accounts during the marriage, but these funds can also be subject to analysis during a divorce depending on the employment status of both individuals in the relationship. Many couples run into trouble figuring out who is entitled to what, especially if one spouse stayed home from work to raise children during the marriage or if one spouse ran up a lot of credit card debt without their other half knowing of this activity. This is where a family law attorney steps in and takes the reigns to make sure your best interests are protected.

Before you take another step with your divorce proceedings, you should consider what an attorney could do for you in order to protect your way of life. Whether it’s time with your children, your home, or your financial livelihood, all of these factors should be safeguarded with the help of an experienced professional.

Despite the pain, disappointment, and initial fear, many of these children end up having meaningful and healthy lives. The way the parents deal with their divorce will greatly influence the lives of their children. These are three essential tips you can do (if going through a divorce) that can help your children in this life transition.

When facing a difficult life transition, our emotions can take over and make us do or say things we may regret later. This is common reaction among people going through a divorce. However, it doesn’t need to be that way, especially if we have children.

For the most part, parents care for their children. They want them to grow up happy, able to deal with challenges, and be successful as adults. Nevertheless, when divorce strikes home, they may forget their intention and act on their instincts. What can these parents do if they love their children and want them to be happy despite a divorce?

7 Tips Loving Divorced Parents… Should Never Say to their Children:

1. YOUR FATHER OR MOTHER, IS A “#$###” (be creative and just imagine the words!)

The father may be upset and hurt with his spouse (or vice-versa). However, because he doesn’t want to contaminate his children with his hatred or disappointment. Especially saying “all women are like your mother” or “all men are like your father.” A loving parent knows their pain is theirs, and they do not need to bring the children into the drama.

2. IT IS YOUR FAULT!

When a child is acting out (which is common when living this transition), and the parent feels upset, they may say to the child, it is because of his or her behavior their spouse left. A divorce is not caused by the child’s behavior, and at times, children may feel responsible for the divorce. A loving parent makes sure never to blame their children for their divorce, as it may cause a huge trauma.

3. DO NOT CRY

When children face a divorce, they may also cry because they are grieving. Let’s keep in mind that a divorce is a loss, and just like adults, children grieve. They grieve being away from one of their parent; living in two houses; missing their bedroom, their friends, or their school. They may miss their routine and their stability. With divorce one encounters many changes, and it takes some time to adapt to the new situation. A loving parent re-assures their children they are loved and they are there to support them and protect them.

4. I DON’T KNOW HOW I WILL BE ABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT YOUR DAD (OR MOM)

When children feel their parents are insecure, they feel lost. Parents are their role models and the way we deal with difficult life transitions, will teach our children how to deal with difficulties. One thing is to admit it is painful and challenging, and the other is to show an inability to continue living without their spouse. Loving parents acknowledge their feelings at the same time that use their inner resource to embrace life with confidence, strength, and hope for a brighter future.

5. DON’T YOU EVER GET MARRIED

When one goes through a divorce, especially, if a betrayal was the cause, distrust is a common outcome. It is not uncommon to hear parents say to their children, “don’t get married” because they have lost faith in committing to a single person. The fact that unfortunately it happened to them doesn’t mean it will also happen to their children. A loving parent knows the messages we give to our children are powerful, and should not be based on hatred or frustration, but on love, and empowerment.

6. TELL ME WHO IS YOUR MOM OR DAD DATING

When a parent knows their “ex” is dating another person, they may feel jealous and curious to know how that person is. Because their children may spend time with them, they use them as a source of information, wanting to know to the last detail what they are doing and how the person is. This situation may create tension in the child’s life as they feel in the middle not wanting to hurt any of their parents. A loving parent understands that, despite their pain, their children shouldn’t go through this hurtful experience. On the contrary, loving parents focus on rebuilding their lives, instead of wasting energy on things that are not beneficial for them or their children.

7. LIFE IS UNFAIR

When you got married you had hopes and dreams. You expected your marriage to be forever. I understand you may feel it is unfair what has happened to you. However, although you may feel it is unfair you are going through a divorce and you didn’t choose this situation… you can still choose how to respond. If you feel life is unfair… that is the message you will project to your children. A loving parent wants their children to be happy and embrace life with joy and trust.

As you can see, the way you handle your divorce may have a great impact in the lives of your children. Be a loving parent, cherish your children, use your inner resources, and be an amazing role model and inspiration to others. Remember, as you transform your divorce and transform your life.

I have worked with many people facing a divorce, as it is a challenging life transition. I want you to know, you can do something about it. You are powerful, you are loving, you are a special person!

Understanding the different grounds for filing divorce in the state of Maryland is essential to anyone who is going through the process, or may be going through the process in the future. All states are different as well in regards to the laws and guidelines they have in place for divorce, which is why it’s crucial to find state-specific information for where you’re based.

There are several specific grounds for divorce within Maryland. One of these is adultery, in which you have to prove that your spouse had the disposition and opportunity to commit adultery.

Another grounds for divorce in Maryland is cruelty or abuse. This can be proven via a witness, or also via documentation and presented evidence, including photographs and medical records, for instance.

There are also several other grounds for divorce in Maryland, which may be less common than the above. Constructive desertion is one, in which case you show that your spouse has deserted you for a period of at least a year. Other grounds include insanity, as well as a criminal conviction, and in both cases, there are various timelines which need to be met depending on the specifics of your circumstances.

Now, there doesn’t always need to be one of these specific grounds in order for a couple to split up and be divorced. When none of the above apply, the divorce becomes known as a no fault divorce. In this instance, the actual grounds for the divorce is a 12 month separation period. The couple must be continuously separated over this entire period and they are then able to officially file their divorce paperwork.

Maryland also has added mutual consent as one of the state’s grounds for divorce. This applies to couples who do not have children and who have put an agreement in place for how to handle all other issues to resolve the marriage in terms of property or finances. In this case, the 12 month separation period of a typical no fault divorce as specified above is no longer required.

As mentioned, it’s important to note that all of the above only specifically reflects the state of Maryland. Other states may vary quite substantially in terms of the grounds of divorce that they recognize or not, or the specific ways those grounds are defined, regulated, or enforced. Always be sure to consult with an experienced legal professional from your state and local area who can guide you through the process.

If you have a competent mediator, the success of mediation depends on the attitude of the participants. I have never had a failed mediation in which all parties acted in good faith. Some of the behaviors associated with failed mediations are as follows:

– Stonewalling

– Blaming and punishing

– Bullying

– Hiding assets and information

– Attorney interference

STONEWALLING

Just like the mason who tears down his work and starts over and over again because one stone doesn’t fit just right, the stonewalling spouse appears to be working diligently to reach various agreements, only to change his or her mind once it appears that the major issues in dispute

have been resolved.

This behavior is often exhibited by a spouse who does not want a divorce and who uses this behavior (sometimes unconsciously) to forestall the inevitable. Unless the mediator recognizes and effectively deals with this, the couple will perceive that they are at an impasse and will leave the mediation in frustration, only to turn the job of resolving their divorce issues over to the court.

Sometimes stonewalling may be an indicator that a decision to divorce has been made prematurely, and one or both spouses are crying out to give the marriage another chance. I have seen several such stonewalling cases resulting in an agreement to seek marriage counseling or to take steps to resolve the conflicts within the marriage. Although mediation usually terminates quickly in such cases, these cases are among the successful mediations that have brought couples to an unexpected resolution.

BLAMING AND PUNISHING

Some people attempt to use mediation as a forum in which to blame the other spouse for the failure of the marriage. With this goal in mind, they often try to form an alliance with the mediator to punish their “bad” spouse for transgressions that occurred during the marriage.

Although it is sometimes helpful for an angry spouse to express his or her feelings associated with certain perceived wrongdoings of the other, it is the job of the mediator to direct the couple’s attention toward the issues that must be resolved in order to legally end their marriage.

Sometimes a brief divergence into the circumstances surrounding some of the difficulties that led

to the demise of the marriage can make it easier for a couple to work through the mediation process, especially if it leads to the expression of positive feelings or even an apology, but this requires tremendous skill and sensitivity on the part of the mediator.

It is the role of the mediator not to allow negative feelings to interfere with the couple’s perception of how to fairly resolve their divorce issues. A competent mediator understands that failed marriages are usually the result of the actions of both parties and will divert attempts to use guilt or blame as the basis for resolving financial or childrearing issues.

When one or both parties cannot get beyond the need to punish the other for their failed marriage, the punishing party will oft en seek court assistance to carry out their punishments. It may take years for the punishing spouse to learn that courts generally aren’t very effective forums for carrying out such punishments.

Attempts to punish should not be confused with discussions about bad behavior on the part of either spouse for the purpose of creating a fair agreement. Sometimes the acts of either or both spouses have financial or parenting ramifications that should not be ignored during the mediation process. The relevance of behavioral issues is discussed in detail in the chapter “How to Decide What’s Fair.”

BULLYING

In marriages with a long history of power imbalance-where one person makes the decisions and

the other goes along with them-the decision-making spouse may perceive mediation as a means of continuing to get what he or she wants, irrespective of legal rights or objective concepts of fairness.

These couples will oft en enter the mediation after having reached an agreement on all of the issues. Such an agreement will usually be extremely favorable to the more powerful spouse, but both spouses will assure the mediator that this is what they both want, and therefore this agreement should be adopted by the court.

As the mediation progresses, it oft en becomes apparent that the less powerful spouse knows that the proposed agreement is unfair, but will do anything to avoid conflict with the other spouse. This is especially likely when the weaker spouse does not have available financial resources to take the case to court.

The more powerful spouse knows from experience that if he or she just keeps at the other, the weaker spouse will agree to an extremely unfair divorce settlement.

In some jurisdictions, the courts will step in and refuse to approve such agreements, especially with respect to its effect on children, but some courts will approve just about anything.

In such cases, the only possibility of reaching anything close to a fair resolution is through the courts. Unfortunately, the less powerful spouse rarely perceives court action, or even the threat of it, as a viable option.

HIDING ASSETS AND INFORMATION

Sometimes a person will choose mediation over litigation because they believe that they can get their spouse to agree to settle without becoming aware of certain assets or information. Such an individual also often perceives the mediator as someone who can be duped, pushed around, or otherwise controlled so that hidden documentation never has to be disclosed.

Full disclosure of information is a mandatory part of the mediation process, and any failure or refusal to disclose documentation or information should immediately end it. Full cooperation and disclosure is a basic ground rule of mediation, and without it, no mediation can go forward in good faith.

A competent mediator will end the mediation if this becomes an issue. The parties will then have the option of going to court and having the court rule on whether or not certain documentation has to be provided.

Once this issue has been resolved by the courts, mediation is again possible.

ATTORNEY INTERFERENCE

Divorcing couples are usually more cooperative in working to resolve their conflicts than are their attorneys. Attorneys are trained to be positional and to simplify the issues into clear wins and losses for their clients. They are trained to avoid any losses and to fight to the bitter end to get the most for their clients.

Divorcing couples usually understand that they can’t have everything their way, and that negotiating in good faith brings other rewards like a quicker resolution of their divorce and less emotional and financial damage to themselves and their children.

Their attorneys don’t always have similar motivations. From the attorneys’ perspective, the longer the divorce takes, the more money they make, and the greater opportunity they have to show off their skills as a litigator.

It is not that unusual for a client to want to settle a case in mediation, but upon advice of counsel withdraw from the mediation and turn to the court to decide the outstanding issues. Rather then give up on the mediation, some couples are able to get beyond such an impasse by consulting with different attorneys about the issues in dispute and the progress of the mediation.

MEDIATION RESCUE

There should be a sense of progress as a couple proceeds with mediation. If either or both parties feel like they are getting nowhere after three or more sessions, or if they remain stuck on one particular issue, this should be discussed with the mediator. If such a discussion does not satisfy either party that progress is being made, it usually means that it is time to leave the mediation. It is not unusual to be successful with a second mediator even though very little or nothing was accomplished with the first mediator. This is because there are enormous differences from mediator to mediator with respect to quality of service and competence.

Are you considering everything when it comes to why you may want to save your relationship, stop divorce, or prevent the agony of dealing with a breakup?

Being in a love relationship is indeed a wonderful experience.

When you can not request anything more due to the overflowing bliss, intimacy and joy that you are feeling deep within you, there are times.

In this article you will get a good glimpse of considerations when it comes down to ways to save your relationship, how to be communicating to one another to prevent divorce, and if all else fails how to begin healing after a breakup

Knowing that to save your relationship and addressing the problems could potentially reach the end of the line, could be disastrous and stunning news to you.

You have to act now and try to learn how to fix a failing relationship so you may prevent divorce.

So that healing after a breakup never enters the picture if you’re interested in saving the love relationship these suggestions may be a good beginning for you.

– Recognize the Relationship Problems

Determining the root cause of a possible relationship failure is the really first action to save a relationship.

It is truly essential for you to determine the problems present in your relationship in order to conserve your love for one another.

– Discuss the Problem between the Both of You

You have to go over all relationship issues as soon as you have ended up identifying the problems which are present in your relationship.

If you’ve been in your relationship for a good quantity of time, this will be particularly crucial to you.

– Always make sure that Love is Present

Previously I discussed finding the best marriage or relationship advice perhaps online to help fit a busy schedule.

You have to make sure that love is constantly present in your relationship to avoid any possible break ups.

To save your relationship is possible, as long as there is still a twinkle of love within your significant other.

– Conserving a relationship is actually possible.

Just keep the above ideas in mind, and you should recognize that you can’t demand that the other person stays with you.

Keeping your feelings in check and keeping your cool are also crucial parts to this complicated formula.

Thus, you have to act now and not put off identifying the relationship issues and talking to one another about seeking professional counseling or marriage therapy.

These days there are some great marriage counseling services and marriage psychologists who truly do care about helping you to save your relationship.

If you both can agree that professional marriage advice or relationship help is a path you want to accept, then that right there means you have just taken the first step on answering to, can I save my relationship.

Once you begin the path to healing determining the root cause of a possible relationship failure is the really first mile of your journey for how to fix a failing relationship.

A professional can then step in to help you go deeper to uncover and overcome the identifying issues present that are keeping holiness from prevailing in the love you have for one another.

A Course in Miracles states, “Set firmly in the unholy relationship, there is no course except to change the relationship to fit the goal.”

ACIM further adds here, “Until this happy solution is seen and accepted as the only way out of the conflict, the relationship may seem to be severely strained.”

Conserving a relationship is possible, as long as there is still a glimmer of love within your substantial other, and that leads us to discuss how to avoid divorce.

Yes, healing a relationship and conserving is certainly possible.

(Be sure to seek the net for more helpful material on the best marriage advice online and does couples therapy work?)

To success in life and love!