“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear..”

– Nelson Mandela

(1981-2013) South African Statesman

The tenth point of the Boy Scout Law is: “A Scout is Brave. The Boy Scout Handbook defines this principle this way: A Scout faces danger even if he is afraid.” Fear is a changing thing. There are things that scared us as children that do not as adults. For those who have done things like sky diving, mountain climbing and the like will experience less fear than those who have never done such things. However, there is a fear that never leaves us and can paralyze us every time we face it. A fear that has broken the strongest men and women and made cowards of many. This is the fear of rejection.

Many say, “I don’t care what people think.” But the fact is, we all do care and care deeply. There is a desire in the human condition that makes us want to belong; to be accepted by others. This desire to be a part has lead many, good and honest people astray and caused them to do things that they know are wrong. The greatest weapon of evil in this world is the fact that they can intimidate people into going along or at least keep them from standing against what is going on.

I see this at work so strongly in young people who want so badly to be accepted by their friends. This by the way is not a new problem that young people face. It has been going on since the beginning of time. The ploy, “What’s the matter? Are you afraid?” rings throughout history. History will also show you that those who give in to the pressure of belonging are never remembered for their “courage”. It is those who were brave enough to stand for what they know is right that have made a difference in this world and are remembered to this day.

I would like to talk with you about what it really means to be brave and the misunderstanding of true courage verses going along with the crowd. This is not a lesson just for Scouts or that only young people must follow. Adults of all ages face this very problem every day; in fact, they are in need of understanding more than the young.

#1. Wisdom Is Not fear

“Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.” said novelist, Franz Kafka. I believe that we all know what is right and what is wrong. You do not have to learn this principle, it is there in your DNA. Do not be taken in by foolish people who try and convince you that what is “right” for one person is not necessarily “right” for another. They say we all have different definitions of right and wrong. That is pure foolishness. There are few things in life that are solid and never change. Facts that are facts and no matter what some may think, they will remain facts for all eternity. Some of these are: Truth is truth and a lie is a lie. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Good is good and evil is evil.

When a person commits a terrible crime and chooses to plead insanity for their reason for committing the crime, the one fact they must prove is that at the time of the crime the person did not know right from wrong. That is because if they did know right from wrong they are guilty. It is not what they think is right from wrong but what IS right from wrong.

Wisdom is the ability to know right from wrong; good from evil and to always do what is right and good. It does not matter what the crowd says, what a friend says, what the government says, or how you feel at the time; a wise person will always do what is right and good. That sound simple, however it takes real courage to stand alone and do what is right. It is a brave person who will risk rejection and walk away before they compromise their character and do something foolish.

#2. Going Along Is Not Courage

I was told of an incident that happened to a Scout I know (he was the one who told this to me). He was at the mall with some friends from school. They all decided they would prove their courage by stealing something from one of the stores. When asked what he would steal, the Scout said, “Nothing. I’m not doing that.” “What’s wrong, are you afraid you will get caught?” was the response from one of the boys. “I’m not afraid,” the scout said, “I’m also not stupid.” and he walked away. He was soon followed by the other boys who decided that it was better to say no than to be stupid.

Brave people have learned that there is one word that has more power than any other they can use when faced with a choice between right and wrong. That word is “NO”. When we say no to a choice then it is settled. Things like “maybe”, “I don’t know” or “I have to think about it” all leave the door open to making the wrong choice. When we just say no we close that door and that is the end of the discussion.

There is no courage or virtue in doing anything wrong. No matter what the excuse or motive, to do what is wrong is never right. One of the great things about making a right choice is that it never needs an excuse. You do not have to explain or reason a right choice. You do it because it is the right thing to do.

#3. Standing Alone

It is easy to decide to do the right thing when you are challenged by strangers or people who mean little to you. It is quite another if those who are challenging you to do wrong are your friends. The fact is, you will be asked to compromise your principles more by your friends than by your enemies. It is the challenge of letting your friends down or being rejected by them that will cause many to do what they know is the wrong thing to do. Author and creator of the Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling said, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.”

One of the things we all must remember is that just as our friends may sometimes try to influence us to do wrong, we can equally influence them to do right. We all make stupid decisions at times. Your friends may just be reacting to the moment, dealing with their own feelings or simply making a bad choice. You can help them to make a better choice and be the example of character. However, if your friends are purposely our to do wrong and this is what they have a habit of doing, you best look for new friends. Yes, you may care for them and see them as your friends, however, part of making a good choice is to be able to choose those who bring you up, not down in life.

George Washington, our first President, had it right when he said, “It is better to be alone than in bad company.” Here is a hard truth: When it comes to “bad company”, they will bring you down to their level faster than you will bring them up to yours. I have known many good people, who have decided to stay with negative and bad behaving friends with the intention that they would influence them to be better people. It never works. The good person will compromise or become very frustrated before any one of their friends even thinks of changing. Sometimes the best example we can set for our friends is to walk away from them.

#4. Being Right Is Better Than Being Accepted

Here is a fact: Success-minded people who have a firm hold on what is good, right and truthful are happier, more positive and live a better life than those who do not. When we make the right choice we have a sense of confidence and fulfillment. There is no guilt, worry and fear that comes with making bad choices. Look at the lives of those who choose to do right and you will see they are happier than most.

Doing what is right is a decision that we make. Once made, we do not have to make it again, we just have to stand by it. Former President, Abraham Lincoln put it this way, “I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.”

We all want to be accepted by those we respect and care about. Being accepted is not a bad thing or something we should avoid. It is a human need and part of who we are. The question is never about being accepted but about having the character to do what is right, even if that means being rejected by some. Believe me, you will find more acceptance in doing what is right than you ever will by doing what is wrong.

#5. Wrong Has Consequences / Right Has rewards

A common problem with people who make bad choices is that they do not think about the consequences of their choice. All action has a consequence. Always! That can be good or bad, but it is the result of our actions. Many times, especially with young people, they look at the excitement and danger involved in their choice. They see it as fun or even worse, nothing important. They do not stop to think about the consequences of getting caught – and they always get caught. Of course, if a person is foolish enough to make a bad choice, they are foolish enough to think they will get away with it.

Our jails are full of people who made bad choices thinking that they were smarted than the law. Even worse than thinking you can get away with doing things wrong, is not thinking at all. It is an old story of the person who is facing jail or a fine for doing something wrong and their response was, “I just wasn’t thinking.” Sadly, by the time we discover we were not thinking it is too late to change our minds.

Beside the punishment that comes with making bad choices is the inner punishment. Guilt, regret and sorrow are hard task masters. They do not go away and will eat at you like a cancer. Yes, some have hardened their spirits enough that they are use to feeling bad and it doesn’t seem to stop them. But look at their lives and ask yourself, “Do I really think this is what I was created for?”

On the other side, right choices also have consequences; they are called rewards. Sometimes it is the advancement that comes from a productive and good life. More importantly however is the greatest of all rewards, inner peace. The person who can live without fear, guilt and remorse is a free person indeed. Nothing can replace that feeling.

The simple truth is that it is all up to you. You are the one – the only one – who decides if you will make right or wrong choices. The power of choice is the greatest power in the universe and it all belongs to you. And as the old Knight said to Indiana Jones, “Choose wisely.”

Too many people worry too much about offending others with their opinions.

Too many people offer their opinions with no thought.

Somewhere between those two statements lies “perfection”… but in an imperfect world give me the raw unfiltered opinion rather than have nothing to say.

“Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer to the soul and a trait of a true coward. There is nothing intelligent about not standing up for yourself. You may not win every battle. However, everyone will at least know what you stood for-YOU.” Shannon L. Alder

We, individuals and companies, can only learn and grow if we know what the issues are.

The only way we get to know what the issues are is if someone tells us.

I might not like being told bad news, but it sure as hell beats finding out months later when it is too late!

So, tell your boyfriend that his breath stinks, or you hate the way he throws his dirty socks in the bathroom. He will likely not like it, but his reaction will tell you a lot about your future relationship! Not telling him will just make those issues BIGGER with time, until they become so BIG you either explode or just give up!

Tell that restaurant that their service was lousy or their food was cold or any of the other things that will stop you going there again. That way they have a chance to fix things, or not, but their response will be telling!

When you are struggling in your role because “stupid rules” or “old thinking” is getting in your way, speak up! Try to be constructive in your criticism. Try to think about why things are the way they are, but even if you just think your manager is stupid, let someone know that there might be a better way!

I had an industry colleague thank me for some advice I gave him earlier in his career. He was a little guarded in his comments, suggesting that we don’t always see eye to eye on every subject. That made me think! We have had different opinions over time, but neither of us backed off expressing our opinion and that is how things evolve. My “mistake” was in letting him feel that was a bad thing!

We live in a democratic society with political parties disagreeing on almost everything. It is by no means perfect but the alternatives are not even worth considering!

“You have enemies? Good! That means you stood up for something in your life!” Winston Churchill.

I would say there are two lessons here:

1. ALWAYS voice your opinions, hopefully with some thought, but at least get them on the table.
2. ALWAYS listen to the opinions of others, and try to learn from them.

I can choose to discount opinions that we perceive as “no value”.

I can choose to learn from other’s opinions.

I can live in a fantasy world of perceived perfection, if I get no feedback… but THAT is where the real danger lies.

“I would sooner hear an opinion that I disagree with, than the silent nothingness that we all get every day.”

“All these Soldiers have their eyes on you. If they see you are discouraged they will all be cowards; but if you show that you are making preparations against the enemy, and if you call on them, you may be sure they will follow you and try to imitate you. Perhaps it is fair to expect you to be a bit better than they are. You are captain, you see, and you are in command of troops and companies, and while there was peace, you had more wealth and honour; then now when war has come, we must ask you to be better than the mob, and to plan and labour for their behalf, if necessary.” Xenophon, Athenium Historian, mercenary Soldier, and Disciple of Socrates.

“I will not send troops to danger which I will not myself encounter.” The Duke of Marlborough

FM 22-100, Army Leadership, tells us that “BE, KNOW, DO (emphasis in the original) clearly and concisely states the characteristics of an Army leader.” Army Chief of Staff General Eric K. Shinseki stated in his foreword to the FM, “Whether supporting, training, or fighting, America looks to you to BE, KNOW, and DO what is right.” (emphasis in the original)

When we were being trained and prepared for leadership, setting the example was always stressed. Command Sergeant Major Greg Birch, the Regimental Sergeant Major (RSM), 75th Ranger Regiment, wrote in his RSM Note #3, “Leaders must live the standard every day.” The Regimental Commander, Colonel Craig Nixon, emphasized the RSM’s words: “All Rangers are expected to know, live and enforce the standards – everyday.”

Innumerable commanders, historians, and others have proclaimed the importance of leading the way. Although setting the example applies to all circumstances, we most often use combat examples when we want to illustrate this principle. There is no question that a leader’s example is most important when the situation is deteriorating. Brigadier General S. L. A. Marshall wrote that “spectacular intervention” might be required “in extreme emergencies, when the stakes are high and the failure of others to act has made the need imperative.” However, he added, some leaders may “practice self-exposure to danger in hope of having a good moral effect on men.”

Setting the example is not limited to combat. It applies to everything that we do. Some of my best role models, teachers, and mentors were Noncommissioned Officers with whom I served or came in contact after I retired. Most of that mentoring came about by the way they performed or by what they said in informal conversations with me. Regardless, I was astute enough to give credence to what I was observing. If it can be said about anyone that they have “been there done that” it applies to our senior Noncommissioned Officers.

One of the best Noncommissioned Officers I was privileged to know was Command Sergeant Major Jimmy Pickering. One day when I was visiting him, I posed a theoretical question. “Suppose the Chief of Staff of the Army asked you what he could do to improve the combat effectiveness of the Army that did not require more money or more Soldiers, what would you say?” The Sergeant Major replied quickly as a flash, “Know the Standard. Enforce the Standard. Be the Standard.” He gave me a copy of a letter that he distributed to his NCOs whenever he was assigned to a different unit. The letter expanded on this theme while maintaining its brevity.

“The Army has established standards for all activities. Standards are formal, detailed instructions that can be stated, measured, and achieved. They provide a baseline to evaluate how well a specific task has been achieved. You must know, communicate and enforce standards.”

“Set the example” – “Be the standard” in Command Sergeant Major Pickering’s words — is the most important leadership principle. According to him, “If you know the standard and enforce the standard, you will be the standard by which other Soldiers are judged. You will (the Sergeant Major’s emphasis) change the Army every time you interact with a Soldier; change it for the better.” I agree with Command Sergeant Major Pickering that nothing would improve our Army more. We would do well to follow his advice.

Professor Bain defines “Epigram” as “an apparent contradiction in language which by causing a temporary shock arouses our attention to some important meaning underneath.” While in oxymoron two words or ideas are placed side by side, in this figure normally two contradictory ideas are presented in two expressions. But some amount of thinking reveals that there’s a sharp, indirect meaning hidden inside the expressions. Though this figure is mainly used in literature, it’ also found in other kinds of writing. The following are some examples of epigram.

· Speech was given to man to conceal his thoughts.

-Voltaire

· Cowards die many times before their death.

– Shakespeare: Julius Caesar

· I must be cruel only to be kind.

– Shakespeare: Hamlet

· Make haste slowly.

· Happiness has become the greatest cause of his unhappiness.

· Most of the time the richest are the poorest.

As you have already got the hint, this figure of speech gives indirect meanings. At the first thought you get a twist in the mind, and at the second thought you come to know the real meaning. It arouses thought because it requires some thought. This figure, apart from being used in literary writing, can be very meaningfully used in the opening or closing sentences of articles, paragraphs, and the like. Quotations containing this figure can be used toward much effectiveness at the beginning, end, or middle of any piece of writing. A drill with the following exercises will enable you to grasp its use more clearly.

Test Yourself and Learn Better

1. A good artist should do the work of art in such a way which will show the piece of work as natural. The less the work is artificial, the more artistic it is. Such a work should witness the fact that the artist has not made deliberate and experienced effort to create it; rather it has flown from his/her imagination spontaneously. Actually _______________________________________

Complete the above blank with a sentence which contains an epigram.

2. Newton said that he knows very little. But as compared with the average man like us, he knew thousand times as much as we do. All the scholars of the world said they little knew about the universe. On the contrary, to our surprise, those who know little believe they know much. Actually_______________________________________

Complete the sentence using the figure epigram.

3. _________________________. I(Sabuj- the Bipu Sona) got proof of this statement when I was face-to-face with Nishat Sultana Rimu. She didn’t say a word. Not a single word. And nor did I. But the atmosphere seemed to be full of eloquence. I seemed to be listening to a shower of words. The silence was meaningful- full of communication.

Fill in the beginning gap with an epigram.

4. When we’re tired of sleeping, we take leisure in getting up. When, on the other hand, we are tired of working, we seek pleasure in a kind of leisure in rest. But rest can give us no pleasure unless we work. Hence, only those who work hard can enjoy the pleasure of leisure. In other words,_______________________________________________.

Fill in the gap with a sentence containing an epigram.

ANSWER:

1. The busiest man has the amplest leisure.

2. Silence is sometimes more eloquent than words.

3. Those who have knowledge know that they know little.

4. Art consists in concealing art.

Remember: The epigram has a deeper meaning which is clear only at the second thought. Also remember that oxymoron is an extreme form of epigram.

In the National Maritime Museum in Greenwich, London, England, there are many wonderful exhibits. None less so than the half a floor or so that is devoted to the Atlantic battles that took place during World War 2.

The exhibits are enhanced by explanations and multimedia that explain what happened, as well as the character of the nation that was able to withstand the threat and provide magnificent men and women who were able to succeed on the open seas of the North Atlantic.

One of the exhibits shows a small – and highly relevant, even today – extract from the famous wartime movie, “In Which We Serve”, starring (and written and directed by!) Noel Coward.

Upon taking up his command, he seeks advice from his new crew, what sort of ship would be needed for the forthcoming voyage.

One wag in the crowd pipes up, ‘A happy ship, Captain.’

…and quickly another, ‘An efficient ship, Sir.’

Coward repeats these two qualities back to them.

“A happy ship and an efficient ship. In my experience, you can’t have one without the other.”

Despite all of our modern naval (my apologies!) gazing, could it be that management is really that simple? Could it be that there is little else of importance than these two qualities?

Of course Coward is not discussing management today, yet he is idealizing the values that are required to make a successful voyage in very difficult circumstances.

Can you have a happy ship, without efficiency?

Well, if you try, my guess is that happiness evaporates as your people get annoyed and frustrated with the inefficiencies of others.

An efficient ship, without it being happy – is this possible? Well, maybe, for a while. As time goes on, the lack of happiness – which in itself is a symptom of a malaise – will lead to conflict. And that is no ingredient to have in the efficiency cake.

With efficiency and happiness, together, is this enough for a successful venture?

Well, in themselves, perhaps not – yet, when they are there, it’s more than likely that there is enough of a base for every other quality to drive success to be enabled too.

Being efficient and happy at the same time will surely underpin any other values that the team needs for success.

Truth is, where you have both of these in place, you are much more likely to reap positive rewards. Not least because whilst you are focusing on just two things, your life as a manager becomes that much more easy.

Civil Engineering, Electrical Engineering, Chemical Engineering, Mechanical Engineering, Computer Engineering. These are the some Engineering degrees. Is it really the hardest course to pass?

High school graduates today want an easy pass in life. Sorry to tell you, if you want to earn money, you have to work hard for it. In order for you to be given the opportunity to earn money, you have to pick a college degree that you will excel in.

To get eng’g. course students should work hard. Engineering degree is not so hard if the student works hard to pass it.

Engineering course have a reputation of being the most difficult major to pass. Because of this, many students do not include engineering in their list of courses to take. On the other hand, there are still those students who are up for the challenge and there are those that have dreamed to become engineers someday. No amount of intimidating words will stop these people from getting their engineering degree.

It is true that Engineering courses are difficult. Nevertheless, nothing comes easy in life nowadays. Learning to play an instrument is hard and excelling in a sport is difficult too. Ask yourself, why not invest on a course that can prove to be rewarding throughout your life? It will just take you 4 years to get your bachelor’s and you can start earning big money for yourself already.

If you are determined to pursue an engineering degree, do not let anyone talk you out of it. Your first days in college will be intimidating. People will tell you that the engineering course will be very difficult and you should switch. These are the words of cowards and you should know better.

You should know that the more difficult the course is, the more rewarding it will be at the end. Look at med students who take at least 8-10 years to become doctors. Once they become doctors, it is just an easy walk in the park for them. Preparation is key to go through the engineering course. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Dedicate yourself and be committed. If you have all of these, you will pass the engineering course with flying colors.

While you are at it, strive to excel even if it is difficult. Do not be someone who studies just for the sake of passing. Nonetheless, enrolling in an engineering degree does not mean that you have to cut down on your social life. Your classmates will prove to be very helpful to you to surviving this degree. Don’t be scared about this degree. You will also learn more about teamwork as engineers always work with a team. Good luck and have fun becoming an engineer.

Engineering degree is not so difficult if the students know itself what kind of engineer degree he wants and he is interested. In short students should be hard working.

Buddhist nun Pema Chodrin said in her book, When Things Fall Apart, “Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad, we call something good. But really we just don’t know.” She’s giving us permission to be uncertain, because much of life is uncertain. My favorite definition of love is: “Love is creating a space for change to occur.” Having to live in the certainty of what was is a recipe for boredom. Beyond that, it keeps us chained to playing small. I’ve always welcomed the New Year because it affords us the chance to acknowledge a past we cannot change and forge a new start. Yet oddly, “the roots of something new frequently lie in the decaying husks of something old” (Craig D. Lounsbrough). Out of our mistakes new life can grow. “When life takes unexpected turns, when the Universe shifts, we are provided with a brief moment to begin anew. These moments allow us to become fearless, and to let our perfectly created souls shine” (Cori Garrison).

Real-life stories seldom have fairy tale endings. We wind up on a different road than the one we started out on because we are ever evolving, and while we’re not looking, other people have changed. We are treading on shifting sands, and in some cases, quicksand. Wanting things to stay the same is human and yet the cowardly response though there’s a bit of the coward in all of us. We usually change when it hurts bad enough. What inconveniences us and pains us ironically becomes our greatest teacher. When we can’t take it anymore we sever ties to old ideas of who we thought we were and take on a new identity, slightly larger and more spacious than the one we inhabited before. We embrace metamorphosis not because we welcome it, but because it is thrust upon us. Standing on the threshold of a new beginning, we instinctively fear the fall. Precipices are risky places; one misstep and you’ve thrown your life away. Yet the change points that push us to the end of ourselves are saviors in disguise. Like a silent undertaker, change comes knocking at our door. This is why Pema Chodrin suggests we get comfortable with not knowing… because it always comes back around.

All change is first perceived as unwelcome and intrusive. It’s not until later that we look back and see what a pearl of wisdom was hidden inside it; at first all we can see is the ugly outer shell of the oyster. Were we to pry it open we’d gasp in amazement that something so ugly harbored a delicate and dazzling treasure inside. That’s the way life is. It’s a delicacy-a gift concealed inside horrible trapping. Life is always beautiful to the person who, despite discouragement and disappointment, decide they will welcome change rather than resist it regardless of the cruel box it comes wrapped in. Holding life loosely means surrendering our agendas for something much greater than we first imagined. The beauty of life is found in exchanging the old for the new when we create a space for change to occur.

Mayella Ewell Testifies: To Kill a Mockingbird Summary — Chapter 18

The next person for cross-examination is Mayella Ewell whom to the Ewell’s standards is a clean 19-year-old girl. Atticus starts the questions and efficiently proves many holes in her testimony. The Tom Robinson’s case got the attention of the whole town. Mayella accounts that she called Tom and asked him to break a dresser. When Tom came inside the house, he suddenly grabbed her and molested her.

Tom Robinson’s Crippled Left Hand

Atticus requests Tom to stand and asks Mayella to identify him. The crowd inside the courtroom can see that Tom’s left hand is shorter by 12 inches than his right hand. He has a crippled left hand that is not possible to use for the attack. Scout then finally realizes that Tom could not choke and beat Mayella because of his physical disability. The left hand was hurt with a cotton gin while Tom was still a boy.

Mayella is Interrogated

During the interrogation, Mayella tells Atticus that her life consists of a drunken father and seven siblings who do not help at all with the chores. She does not even have friends in town. Tom asks Mayella why she was unable to put a better struggle, did not scream to awaken the other seven siblings to help, and how Tom could even hurt her with his crippled left hand. Atticus then asks Mayella if her father, Bob Ewell, was the one who hurt her instead of Tom. Mayella replies with an accusation that further pins Tom to the case. Atticus tries to appeal to Mayella’s conscience so she would admit that no rape had occurred that day. Atticus suggests that her father inflicted the bruises to her.

Mayella’s Psychology and Breakdown

Much to the surprise of Atticus, Mayella shouts and challenges the courtroom as a group of cowards who cannot convict the black man. She cries and refuses to answer more questions. Recess follows and Mr. Underwood looking around the court finally notices the children sitting at the black area’s balcony part of the courtroom. Jem assures Scout the editor of the newspaper will not tell their father about them seated together with the colored people although there is a possibility he might write it in his newspaper’s social section. Atticus calls for Tom Robinson to come to the witness stand.

This was a To Kill a Mockingbird Chapter Summary 18; there are 31 chapters in Harper Lee’s novel, To Kill a Mockingbird.

A son and his father were walking in the mountains.

Suddenly, the son falls, hurts himself and screams:

“AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating

somewhere in the mountain: “AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

Curious, he yells: “Who are you?”

He receives the answer: “Who are you?”

Angered at the response, he screams: “Coward!”

He receives the answer: “Coward!”

He looks to his father and asks: “What’s going on?”

The father smiles and says: “My son, pay attention.”

And then he screams to the mountain: “I admire you!”

The voice answers: “I admire you!”

Again the man screams: “You are a champion!”

The voice answers: “You are a champion!”

The boy is surprised, but does not understand.

Then the father explains: “People call this ECHO,

but really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions. Life will give you back everything you have given to it. ” (Anonymous)

Your life is not a coincidence. It’s a reflection of you! Proverbs declares, “As a man thinks, so is he, and as a man chooses, so is he.” If you would like to know who is responsible for most of your troubles, take a look in the mirror. If you could kick the person responsible for most of your problems, you wouldn’t be able to sit down for three weeks. It’s time for us to stay out of our own way.

Stop looking only at where you are and start looking at what you can be. Be careful of where your mind wanders; your words and actions follow it.

No one can defeat you unless you first defeat yourself. Self-image sets the boundaries and limits of each of our individual accomplishments. If you doubt yourself, listen to Alexander Dumas: “A person who doubts himself is like a man who enlists in the ranks of his enemy and bears arms against himself.”

You carry with you the world in which you must live. Know this: when you have a great dream, your mind will be your biggest enemy. Remember you are your own doctor when it comes to curing cold feet, a hot head and a stuffy attitude.

You may succeed if nobody else believes in you, but you will never succeed if you don’t believe in yourself. Whatever you attach consistently to the words “I am,” you will become.

– John Mason, from the book Imitation is Limitation (Want to purchase this book? Go to http://www.freshword.com/resources)

We all want to have a great relationship. It is very distressing when you figured out that a person you wanted to be for life is a narcissist or psychopath. It is shocking and heartbreaking as what you believed is far away from the truth.

A narcissist doesn’t act like a typical human being. When they want to get what they want they use mind games all the time. Those games are like invisible tornados you have no idea you are in.

Why do they use those games in the first place? Well, they want you to lose whatever is unique about you. They want you to lose your entire self and your dignity. There is no place for respect and self- independence. They want you to give up on yourself and go under their clutches and be what they tell you to be.

Those mind games are taking away your natural self, they confuse you to take their beliefs and lies as your own. They want you to become a fully controlled puppet that does anything they want. It is called mental slavery.

#Mind Game No 1 ‘YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO TRUST ME’

At the beginning of a relationship, they act very friendly, trustworthy and supportive. They are into this person and they are very interested in a person’s life, feelings, fears, and concerns. They can play a victim to believe that he is your soul mate.

Unfortunately, narcissists love to know victim’s weaknesses. They know that everyone has some vulnerabilities. They need to know it to manipulate a victim. In other words, they collect data about you. It is called narcissistic supply. The sad news is that they really don’t care what you think or feel. If you end up feeling hurt and angry they are happy and satisfied. They know that you are sucked in.

They just say ” well, that is your problem that you are sad. Anyway, it is all your fault!”.

Remember that narcissists never take responsibility for themselves and their actions. They are extremely defensive and they put on you all their guilt.

All games are invisible. Narcissists are simply cowards and never say what they are planning.

You never hear from them: ‘Hi Jane! Can you tell me everything about yourself as I’m taking notes? I am planning how to use it against you later on. You won’t be as superior and perfect as I am’

After you got hooked and believed how pleasant and friendly they are, they criticize you.

You will notice a certain criticism such as ‘ why did you do this way?’, ‘I don’t think you should have said it this way’. ‘NO! No! No! You are wrong! I can do that better than you’. ‘You should do this like me as I am always right!’ etc.

They want to let you know that they look at life a whole lot better than the average person out there. You have no other option but to trust and listen to them.

#Mind Game No 2 ‘FEAR INSTALLMENT’

The true narcissistic nature is that they love when you fear them. It is their way to power and control you through fear. One day you may be ready to say the truth about them. They are going to get mad to fear you even more. Through fear, they groom you to be obedient and dependent on them. They know that people are afraid of emotion of fear. That is why they use it until you give up and surrender to them completely.

This mind game force victims to forget about their uniqueness. They stop expressing their true feelings and opinions. They do anything to avoid punishment.

# Mind Game No 3 ‘ISOLATION’

After they learn about you and your vulnerabilities they start to isolate you. The plan is to fully control you. This helps them to keep a superior position. You are isolated from other people. They want you to lose strong allies and supporters as well.

Many times these people will talk about you without you even realizing. Someone can love your work. The narcissist hates when you succeed. He will expose your dark secrets and flaws to others in a minute to destroy your work and suppress your talents.. He will do everything to keep people from having too much of strong confidence in you.

It makes other people sabotage their relationships with you. Over time they start to disappear from your life. You will become completely isolated and fully dependent on your perpetrator.

#Mind Game No 4 ‘FLAWS’

Narcissists love exposing your personal flaws and hold it against you. In the beginning, you got sucked in trusting me mentality game. You told him your secrets, flaws, and mistakes you did years ago. Now, any time they want to score some points, they will recall your flaws. They want to diminish your worth and hurt you.

Whatever good you achieved in life will be bashed by him. Remember, narcissist hates seeing people happy, fulfilled and successful. They just collect data about their victims. Any time they get exposed of doing something wrong they use this mind game. They will focus on your negative repercussions from the past. This helps to turn themselves into innocent victims.

#Mind game No 5 ‘BLAMELESS VICTIM’

A narcissist always blames other people. They play a victim role to show they have very good intentions. They never admit that they screwed it up. They always excuse themselves blaming other people who caused them to blow it. They must have somebody else they can pin their mistakes on.

#Mind game No 6 ‘RULES AND REGULATIONS’

When they talk to the victim they use imperative style ‘you must’, ‘you got to’ ‘you have to’. Narcissist perceives life as big regulatory. They expect others to fulfill their obligations even though they don’t want.

It is crucial to realize those tricks. You can fight with a narcissist but it is a pointless game as he will never stop his manipulations. What can you do in that situation? You are too precious to waste your life. Focus on yourself, face your fears, pains and concerns. Choose a better life for yourself without toxic people.