Sharing your home with another person requires both parties to make a few efforts. Everyone has their own personality and habits. You will probably have to adjust to the habits and personality traits of others. If you are very different people, you might encounter problems while sharing your home. It is best to look for a roommate who has a lot in common with you, including values, lifestyle and personality traits. Keep reading for some helpful tips on finding the ideal roommate.

Living with a good friend might seem like a terrific idea, but these arrangements usually end badly. Befriending someone is one thing but sharing a home with them is another. Your friendship will change a lot once you move in with your friend. It is best to preserve the friendships you have by not moving in with friends. If you have no other option but to live with a friend, you need to talk about it and agree on some simple rules before you become roommates. You should for instance agree on who will be responsible for which chore. This is a good way to prevent disagreements that could put an end to your friendship.

Conflicts with a roommate often come from disagreements over money. Money is probably scarce if you need to live with a roommate and your friendships could break over money problems. You need to learn more about the financial situation of your potential roommates to make sure they will be able to pay their share of the rent. You can avoid conflicts by choosing roommates who have a stable source of income and who are responsible people.

The kind of personality you have can greatly influence how you will get along with your roommate. Try finding someone who shares personality traits with you. You do not necessarily have to find someone with the same personality. For instance, if you tend to be stubborn, living with someone who shares this personality trait would not be a smart choice. You should put together a list of criteria you would like to find in your roommate. For example, try finding a roommate who does not smoke if you cannot stand the smell of cigarette. If you are a smoker, let your potential roommates know. Put together a list of things you cannot put up with. Can you live with roommates who party until late? Do you have any allergies to pets? Do you live on a regular schedule? It is important to talk about these issues out in the open so you can find roommates you are compatible with.

If you do not have time to look for a roommate, use a roommate compatibility service. These agencies will ask you to answer to a list of questions to determine what kind of roommate you need. Your answers are then compared to what other applicants said and the service will put you in touch with roommates who share a similar lifestyle or personality traits. This is an easy and efficient way to find people who have enough in common with you to become good roommates.

Eight things I loved so much they brought me to tears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of the scholars asked his student:

How long has it been since you accompanied me?

The student replied: It has been thirty three years.

The scholar said: What have you learned during this time?

The student replied: I learned eight matters.

The scholar exclaimed: To Allah we belong and to him we return..!!

My life has been spent on you and you have only learned eight different things!?

The student said: I do not want to lie to you, I did not learn anything but those eight things.

The scholar said: Alright, then tell me what you learned so I can hear it.

The student said:

First: I looked at creation and I saw everyone taking a companion. When they each went to their grave, they became separated. I then befriended good deeds, so that when I enter my grave, they will follow me.

Second: I saw God’s words “And as for he who fears the status of his lord and forbids himself from desires, heaven will be his abode” so I struggled against my self to drive away my impulses so that I could be steadfast on the obedience of Allah.

Third: I observed creation and saw that anyone who had anything of value would try to hold on to it. Then I saw the verse where God says “Whatever is with you will end, and what is with God lasts forever”, so whenever I gained anything valuable, I gave it to God so he could keep it for me with him.

Fourth: I observed the creation, and I saw all of them showing off their wealth or lineage. Then I saw all words “Indeed the most noble of you with is the most righteous and aware of God” So I strove to attain piety so that I could be noble in the sight of God.

Fifth: I observed creation and I found them envying one another over their worldly possessions. I then looked to the verse of God. “We have portioned amongst them their livelihood in the (lowly) worldly life” so I realized that it is God who chooses who receives less or more (and envy would be questioning God’s choice), so I abandoned jealousy.

Sixth: I observed that creatures have enmity amongst themselves, hatred toward each-other, and even warfare amongst one another. I then saw the verse where God says “Indeed the devil is an enemy to you, so take him as an enemy”; so I abandoned animosity towards people and occupied myself with battling the devil.

Seventh: I observed the creation, and I saw every one of them working hard, forgoing their desires and struggling in order to attain worldly sustenance; even pursuing it through means that are not halal for them. I then reflected upon God’s verse “And there is no creature upon the Earth except that upon God is (the responsibility for) its sustenance. Knowing I was one of these creatures, I occupied myself in the pursuit of what God has ordered me to do, and left that (worldly sustenance), which he has guaranteed me, up to Him.

Eighth: I observed creation and I saw each one of the creatures relying on another creature like them; one relying on another for his wealth, or to look after his estate or his business. I then looked upon the verse where God says “and whosoever relies upon God, He is sufficient for him”, so I abandoned reliance upon creation and I strove toward reliance upon The Creator…
Imagine the crowding of all the people in front of the gates of Heaven..

The voices of those who are entering mixing with one another..

Ponder the scene in which that door is opened..

“And the people who were mindfully obedient of God will be driven to heaven in groups”

What beauty!?

What splendor!?

What joy!?

What contentment!?

How insignificant and lowly is this entire world in that moment!!!?

There is no God but God

Truly this world has no joy except through his remembrance.

And the hereafter has no joy except through his forgiveness and mercy..

I ask God to gather us all in his highest heaven and to make us neighbors of our beloved prophet,peace be upon him

And to make us all among those meant when He said..

“Their faces on that day will be glowing, laughing, rejoicing at the good news!”

The best friend is the one who loves you for God, reminds you of God, scares you from the anger of God, and makes you excited and eager to meet God.

This uplifted me!

So I shared it with you so you could share it from me.

May God reward all those who share it and help spread it🔸

Money is only an idea. But, like an atomic bomb, this idea can destroy or edify you. It can lead you to a life of abundance and happiness; it can ruin your very dreams and ambitions in life as well. It is so powerful that people around the globe are careful about it.

Perhaps, you’re heard the story of a beggar who is not so fat, but strong, with a cherubic face, and physically excellent body, very able to drive women crazy by his good looks alone. It’s a funny story. Do you want to know why? The funny part is due to the fact that this guy does not have a single dollar in his pocket. That explains pretty well why he is a beggar.

In his twenties, he had plenty of money. Pretty-looking girls frequented his villa day in and day out. As an inexperienced businessman, he befriended big shots in the city and was able to push forward his new business. For almost ten years, his life was perfect, full of joyous and unforgettable moments.

One day a letter came. It was sent by a lawyer, informing him that both his parents were assassinated by a gang of men who claimed to be employees working for his father’s law firm. They were asking for a separation fee and other related fees which his father was not in the position to grant at that moment. The letter further exposed other illegal activities of his father which could have been the culmination of all these events, leading finally to the tragic assassination.

Tears started to roll over the larger portions of his cheeks as depression began to possess his entire spirit. He thought of only one thing to blame for what has happened: man’s desire for money. “Sacrificing all ethical principles for money is outrageous,” he told to himself as he started to wipe his gloomily wetted face with his right hand, “money for me is the root of all evil.”

With all the lawsuits coming in to his office everyday since the death of his parents, his money was not enough to settle everything. There was only one thing he needed to do: close his business and declare bankruptcy.

From then on, his life began to change from bad to worse.

How he got to the streets is another story. “Money for me is the root of all evils,” he keeps repeating this or even shouting out loud in the streets as he walks begging like a madman from one corner of the city to the other.

Money is only an idea. Watch out, though! This idea is so powerful that it can make you or destroy you.

Here is a common problem that one of my subscribers expressed to me recently…

“I’m 16 and the main problem is, I know what I want to write, but when I do write it down I just think it sounds lame” Now she’s 16 years old, but I’m pretty sure that this problem transcends all ages.

The truth is, nearly every thing *I* put down I also think sounds lame too… at least at first. We all have to understand that in most cases you will never write a ‘great song’ the first time around. It doesn’t happen that way.

I always jokingly tell those who are aspiring songwriters that “you aren’t in the business of writing songs, but more like… you’re in the business of editing them”.

By that I mean, you’re not necessarily ‘song writing’, but rather ‘song crafting’. That’s why they call it a craft, and that’s how you should be thinking. It’s about constantly editing and re-arranging your song until you see it fit to be heard by other listeners. When you have a song down, don’t just let it stop there. Trust me, it ain’t finished.

There may be exceptions to the rule, but mostly – you will still have work to do.

Listen to the verse… could it do with a change of melody? Does it tie in well with the chorus or Pre-Chorus? Does the song make sense lyrically? Step out of the song for a moment… would you dig the song if you were an outsider listening in? Does the song bore YOU? What could you do to change that?

Now, you don’t have to go mad here. Don’t nit-pick every little knock and cranny – that will only drive you crazy. Take in the first instance of what you feel could do with re-working, then DO IT. Change it up… and make it better.

Critiquing your own song is probably one of the most difficult things to do in songwriting – but it CAN be done relatively easily. It involves you really having to stand apart from your song and looking at it a little objectively.

By listening to the song from other people ears can do wonders for your songwriting.

After you have done this, it’s time to let the cat out of the bag… BUT only for a limited audience.

What do I mean by that?..

…I mean, you should now play your song to a fellow musician, singer or songwriter. All three if you can. If it’s somebody you respect, then even better. Here’s the ticket: There is no better way to drastically improve your songwriting then when you actually begin to listen to your song though another songwriters/musician’s ears – of whom you respect. That’s the ultimate.

In fact, I’ll say that one more time so you can engrave this phrase in your mind…

There is no better way to drastically improve your songwriting then when you actually begin to listen to your song though another songwriters/musician’s ears – of whom you respect. If you don’t have a friend who’s a songwriter or a musician that you admire and/or respect, then go get one. Honestly. Befriend one. Develop some sort of relationship with one. FIND one. It will be the greatest move you ever make in songwriting.

Eventually, you won’t have to keep asking for feedback from them because you will soon be able to listen to your song ‘through his/her ears’. That’s why the above paragraph is so crucial to your songwriting success.

I’m convinced that should you follow the advice in this article that your songwriting will reach to it’s highest degree. Not only that, but you’ll achieve a higher level of songwriting in a shorter space of time.

Finally, remember you will get better as you write more and more. By definition, if you do something more than often, you will get better at it. So keep at it and for goodness sakes, ENJOY it.

French sociologist as well as political theorist Alexis de Tocqueville (1805 1859) traveled to the United States in 1831 to learn its prisons and returned with a wealth of broader observations that he codified in “Democracy in America” (1835), probably the most important publications of the 19th century. With its trenchant observations on individualism and equality, Tocqueville’s work is still an invaluable reason of America to Europeans and of Americans to themselves.

Alexis de Tocqueville was born in 1805 into an aristocratic family members not too long ago rocked by France’s groundbreaking upheavals. Both of his parents had been jailed during the Reign of Terror. After attending university in Metz, Tocqueville learned law in Paris and was appointed a magistrate in Versailles, exactly where he met the future wife of his and befriended a fellow lawyer called Gustave de Beaumont.

In 1830 Louis Philippe, the “bourgeois monarch,” got the French throne, as well as Tocqueville’s career aspirations were temporarily blocked. Not able to advance, he and permission was secured by Beaumont to hold out a research of the American penal system, as well as in April 1831 they set sail for Rhode Island.

From Sing Sing Prison to the Michigan woods, from New Orleans to the White House, Beaumont and Tocqueville traveled for 9 months by steamboat, by stagecoach, on horseback as well as in canoes, traveling to America’s penitentiaries and a great deal in between. In Pennsylvania, Tocqueville invested a week selecting each prisoner in the Eastern State Penitentiary. In Washington, D.C., he called on President Andrew Jackson during visiting hours and exchanged pleasantries.

The travelers returned to France in 1832. They quickly released the report of theirs, “On the Penitentiary System in the United States as well as The Application of it in France,” written mostly by Beaumont. Tocqueville set to focus on a broader evaluation of American society and politics, released in 1835 as “Democracy in America.”

As “Democracy in America” disclosed, Tocqueville thought that equality was the wonderful political and social thought of the era of his, and he believed that the United States provided the most complex instance of equality in motion. American individualism was admired by him but warned that a society of people can readily become atomized and paradoxically consistent when “every citizen, simply being digested to each of the rest, is actually lost in the crowd.” He sensed that a society of people lacked the intermediate community structures – such as for instance those provided by standard hierarchies – to mediate associations with the express. The effect might be a democratic “tyranny of the majority” where specific rights had been compromised.

Tocqueville was impressed by a lot of what he noticed in American way of life, admiring the balance of its economy and asking yourself at the acceptance of its churches. Also, he observed the irony of the freedom loving nation’s mistreatment of Native Americans and its embrace of slavery.

In 1839, as the next volume of “Democracy in America” neared publication, Tocqueville reentered political life, serving as a deputy in the French assembly. After the Europe wide revolutions of 1848, he serviced briefly as Louis Napoleon’s foreign minister before being forced out of politics once again when he refused to help Louis Napoleon’s coup.

He retired to the family estate of his in Normandy and started creating a history of contemporary France, the very first volume of that was printed as “The Old Regime as well as the French Revolution” (1856). He blamed the French Revolution on crisis among the nobility as well as on the political disillusionment of the French public. Tocqueville’s plans for later on volumes had been cut short by the death of his from tuberculosis in 1859.

You want to get ahead in life and your career.

Formal status symbols in a business setting tend to come with promotion. In other words, you have to earn them. They’re badges of rank in the corporate army.

Some of the most common ones are:

– A reserved parking space next to the building

– An office with a window (corner offices and those on top floors best)

– Executive dining room privileges

– Wet bar in office

– Jacuzzi adjoining office

– Blackberry email device supplied by the company

– A private secretary

– First-class travel privileges

-designer lamps and furniture as well as LCD computer monitors

Although you as a management standoff wantabee might not qualify for some of the above status symbols, you may be able to come up with reasonable facsimiles. Perhaps you don’t rate a reserved parking spot right next to the building, for example, but maybe you can wangle one in the reserved lot, which is better than hiking three blocks from the general parking area like the rest of the peons.

Make it your business to say nice things to the secretary who handles such matters. It also pays to befriend people like the head of facilities and maintenance, who would be in a position to install a better office rug or wall­paper than you deserve. Check Dale Carnegie’s timeless book How to Win Friends and Influence People for the finer points of dealing with such folks.

You may decide it’s politically expedient to spend your own money for things that the company won’t supply, such as a that Blackberry or that newest GSM cellular phone and high-class office furnishings.

Outsiders, new employees, and casual visitors who don’t know the difference will think your expensive trappings came with the territory. If somebody is rude enough to ask, “How did you rate this?” just smile and shrug your shoulders. That adds to your mystique.

Informal status symbols are another matter. These are often adopted by the informal organization, and their importance varies from one company or department to the next. For example it has been reported that some managers like to display computer software running on oversize LCD monitors as status symbols.

The “authority” with such a “display “may not the first thing about these products and as well may be totally technically inept at any computer skills.

As well think of a bank of thin LCD computer monitors as s little more than a string of dim lamp bulbs. The more impressive upcoming computer props to display include Microsoft Office System 2007 beta 2 Software , computer web pages locked at Sourceforge.net especially those web pages dealing with security , corporate firewall and encryption projects As well it always helps to display the latest Beta release Microsoft Software such as the upcoming vaporware operating system Vista .

All of these advanced computer programs to be are for the most part mythical.

Will anyone you encounter be able to tell you the difference between their prop computer display of “Longhorn” and your “Vista “.

These advanced showroom computer software projects are always changing due to the nature of deadlines and the infighting and childish nature as well as the poor typing skills of computer programmers.

No one can really ever refute your expertise or call your bluff seriously.

Anyone who would is either a liar or fool and is certainly not your competitor in the quest for management or promotion in another field.

And anyways it is not as if the others you are trying to upscale have not had enough trouble with their current version of Windows or the computer systems they struggle with.

If you find it difficult to upscale others you can also leave computer screens locked on those program screens and informational websites As well instructional cds or reviews on these and other operating systems or programs may be left around for display and demo purposes.

And it never hurts to try to display that you are always in the process of upgrading your skills and knowledge. This will be seen as a demonstration of your time management and management evaluation and decision making skills.

It’s always good to pretend that you are mastering a Linux distro or the Sun Microsystems server systems.

As well it is noteworthy that there are computer programs easily available to help you pretend that you are busy 28 hours a days.

With the touch of a key, a model of a work project can be thrown up on your expensive neat LCD monitor while in actuality you were really searching the web for travel sites on your upcoming foreign vacation, or simply playing solitaire A handy feature to have for when your boss walks in the door.

Most informal status symbols revolve around personal or office accessories. These include Blackberrys, and

Higher end business notebook computers systems

As well these props should have silent testament to their value – both of their stature and of the essential value of the data they contain.

Expensive locks, encryption and satellite tracking security systems to protect your laptop from theft scream out the importance of your notebook computer and its data on which the whole future of your firm revolve around.

As an up and comer you should consider acquiring one portable communication devices such as those notebooks computers even if your firm will not provide them to you.

As well consider the importance of Blackberry portable email systems and high end GSM phones because ultimately they may prove to be a wise and important investment in your career.

A Blackberry unit linked to the corporate communication and computer system for example, implies that you’re a dedicated manager who may need to summon the electronic genie at any hour of the night to elicit data from your office files in order to solve some vital management crisis.

Of course it is wise to point out that with simple planning that crisis may never have occurred

In this day and age you can even link your new GSM phone to your notebook for instant access anywhere in most of the world to head office.

Remember to often demonstrate your wireless ability even if it is from a simple hotspot not even your expensive GSM phone / Internet connection.

Just like an empty briefcase being carried out at the end of the day or work week it doesn’t hurt to be seen carrying your notebook computer or Blackberry to and from work, either. You certainly look more progressive and farsighted than colleagues

Remember these and other silently promoted corporate status symbols can advance your career in any of a number of important ways.

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is one popular emotions-related subject, and not only in the world of business. The EI approach to living life supports folks to identify their emotions as they happen, and manage their emotions in their interactions with others. EI is one approach to social coping.

What I experience personally and professionally with folks who have done “emotional work” is many of them learned the concepts well, can readily discuss the ins and outs of emotions but who, in real-time situations – at work, at home, at play and in relationship – fail to effectively manage or cope with their emotions, quickly reverting to old patterns of self-sabotaging emotional reactivity. Why?

First, many folks who do “emotional work” assume they were “born yesterday” – i.e., giving scant focus to the deep nature and evolution of emotions – insights, which once understood and integrated, support folks to see the “root cause” of emotional reactivity. These insights are necessary to understanding a “that was then; this is now” paradigm – a meaningful context that supports them to not “futurize their past,” to be in the moment, unencumbered by their history, able to move to a positive, neutral response rather than negative, judgmental, fear-based reactivity.

Secondly, few folks actually “process” their emotions – allowing their emotions, move through (not around) and befriend their emotions to see what their emotions are teaching them. Many folks “bury” their emotions – alive. And they return – again, and again and again in unwanted ways and in inopportune moments.

Rather than focus on emotional intelligence, our well be-ing might better be served focusing on emotional maturity.

Emotional maturity moves beyond “intelligence” to a higher state of consciousness, guided by what one senses, feels and intuits, and one’s heart.

Five principles underlie emotional maturity:

1 – Every negative emotion we experience right here and right now is actually a childhood reaction applied to a current person, circumstance or event.

2 – Most adults are 3-4-5-year-olds in adult bodies wearing adult clothes.

3 – No one can make you feel a way you don’t want to feel.

4 – An adult can be emotionally mature and child-like or immature and child-ish.

5 – Mindfulness, focus and presence are the keys to emotional maturity

First, emotional maturity begins with an exploration of how emotional make-up forms early on in life, based on interactions with our primary caregivers, then with extended family, teachers, friends, clergy, etc. Around seven, our psychological and emotional “programming” is set. Our reactivity (e.g., anger, sadness, fear, shame, hurt, guilt and loneliness, etc.) to people, events and circumstances that triggered us early in life is stored in our cells, and arises when “related” triggers appear later in life.

The emotionally mature adult identifies and experiences emotions without acting out, or stuffing or suppressing them. Some emotionally intelligent, but “immature,” adults,” knowing about emotions, are often unable to appropriately identify or manage emotions. Rather, they resort to “defended” reactivity, sidestepping their emotions: intellectualizing, explaining, analyzing, disagreeing, attacking, flattering, joking, apologizing, evading, going silent, becoming aloof or suspicious, rejecting, criticizing, judging, etc. These emotionally intelligent, but immature, folks come across as: superior, arrogant, stubborn, defiant, hostile, people-pleasing, wishy-washy, phony, resentful, intolerant, self-pitying or victimized, etc. – not mature behavior.

When we explore the nature of our emotions, we move towards a “that was then; this is now” perspective, becoming less triggered by current events and circumstances. We don’t “futurize” our past.

Secondly, not exploring the developmental nature of emotions, many aren’t aware that childhood emotions play out in “adult” life – that we bring our “family” to our adult interactions – at work, at home, at play and in relationship. Our adult reactivity to people, places, circumstances and events that push our buttons is actually an “unconscious” reminder of childhood people, places, circumstances and events. For the emotionally immature individual their paradigm is “that was then; this is still then.” Their past leaks out on to current situations.

Third. When we “work” to understand the nature of our emotions, we “get” that, as a child, we reacted the way we reacted to either feel safe and secure, or to receive acknowledgment, approval and love. The emotionally mature adult is not a child in an adult body, wearing adult clothes and does not react as a child.

The emotionally mature adult understands “my emotions are not me, but mine – I’m in control, not my emotions.” In this place of non-judgment, we experience an event with greater objectively, optimally with no emotional charge or at least with less emotional charge. Emotional maturity teaches us how to detach from a person, place, event or circumstance that would normally trigger reactivity. Here, we can remain in a state of equanimity or manageable or aware arousal. In this place, we don’t choose to blame a person or thing for “making me feel” a certain way.

Fourth. Our behavior is always vacillating between the ends of two continua: (1) the child-like, emotionally mature adult and (2) the child-ish, emotionally immature adult. What do these look like?

The “child-like” qualities of an emotionally-mature adult include: lively, excited, alive, juicy, adventurous, joyful, happy, open etc. The “adult” qualities of an emotionally-mature adult include: nurturing/supportive, firm/fair, helpful, respectful, self-responsible, non-judgmental, heart-felt, honest, sincere, allowing, accepting, focused on well-be-ing; one serves, coaches or mentors.

On the other hand, the “child-ish” qualities of an emotionally immature adult include: reactive, acting out, throwing tantrums, fearful, scared, needy, angry, resentful, pushy, bullying, jealous, envious, shut down, quiet, withdrawn, defensive, argumentative and grandiose, etc. The “adult” qualities of an emotionally immature adult include: non-loving, overbearing, micromanaging, controlling, disrespectful, fearful, angry, negative, judgmental, critical, abusive (mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically), dishonest, insincere, narcissistic and focused on the self and the ego. The question, “How old do I feel right now?” can support one to experience where they are on the continua in any given moment.

Fifth. The most visible and effective outcome of emotional maturity is our ability to be in the moment, in our body and present (non-reactive, non-judgmental). We track our emotions in our body. We don’t “do” anything, “fix” anything, or change anything as we witness and observe our emotions rise and fall.

Being present to our emotions allows our True Self (not our mind) to drive as our Heart and Soul inform us of “right knowing,” “right understanding” and “right action.” We have the emotion without “becoming” the emotion. We understand the “trigger” for my reactivity may be “outside” me, but the “cause” of my emotions is within. So, we watch, witness and observe as we’re triggered and allow our True Self to support our inner journey and exploration, with curiosity, not efforting or mentally changing our experience. Mindfulness, presence, focus, trust and surrender to our emotional experience bring about whatever is needed in the moment. Our Heart and Soul never call for negativity or reactivity, but a considered, emotionally mature response.

In our never-ending journey of unfolding our infinite potential, emotional maturity can be thought of as a next step in the evolution of our humanity and the opening of greater, conscious awareness to our self and to others.

So, some questions for self-reflection are:

• Do you ever feel you need to change the way you respond to others?
• How do you feel when others challenge or disagree with you?
• Do you find yourself feeling fearful, angry or anxious? Do you know why?
• How do you respond to others’ feedback?
• Are you ever taken back by the way you react to others?
• Do you ever feel afraid about exploring your emotions? Why?
• Do you consider yourself to be emotionally mature? What would others say?

Apache, the second novel in the Jake Silver Adventure series by newcomer author Jere D. James, is a gritty, dark, hard-core, action-packed Western novel. Far more traditional than James’ first title, Saving Tom Black, Apache delivers punch after punch of shocking, action-filled scenes.

Set in Arizona, ca 1888, James sends his main character, U.S. Deputy Marshal Jake Silver, on a blind search for his missing sister who, in order to escape the stigma of having an illegitimate child, left home to marry a ne’er-do-well, unknown rancher in southern Arizona. Finding Sophy is Jake’s excuse for leaving the comforts of girlfriend Betsy DuBonnet (Saving Tom Black) but it’s equally apparent that Jake’s real motivation to leave on this quest is to have some time on the trail to sort things out regarding his relationship with Betsy and the subsequent expectations for marriage that he unhappily finds himself facing.

In the months since arriving in southern Arizona, however, Sophy Silver has been befriended by Nantan Lupan, the last of the Bodonkohe Apaches. James fully explores the taboos of a love affair between an Indian and white woman, showing society’s abhorrence of such a liaison. One cannot help but root for the hapless Indian, however, and hope that James will bring this enticing, excellently well-drawn character back in a future novel.

New to the series also is Captain Peter Burt, a man who is quite taken with the winsome Sophy Silver and aids the marshal in his search. Unlike the tender, often humorous Saving Tom Black, such is the seriousness of this work, that the only humor in the book comes from Burt. He is yet another character that this reviewer would like to see in a future title.

James does an excellent job in this book of adding a dark dimension to the heretofore perfect Deputy Marshal Jake Silver, which makes this character even more likeable and real. If Jake comes across as too good to be true in Saving Tom Black, that image is happily tarnished in this read.

This book takes many unexpected twists and turns as Jake Silver pursues his sister and her lover, and the outcome of this pursuit is remarkably fresh and unexpected. However, the ultimate end of the book will be surprising, even shocking.

James does an excellent job of paving the way for future books in the series, skillfully planting innuendos along the way. If this writer can continue in this vein, the Jake Silver Adventure series may prove to be as long-lasting and popular as some of the other great. Western series.

Remember Seinfeld?

Yeah, the TV Show.

(Btw, even decades after being canceled… people are still loving it!)

Anyway…

A couple of days ago, I read a newsletter from one of my business mentors. He talked about a lesson he learned from that show. More specifically, from the episode where George Costanza did everything the opposite way. And even though the lesson was about marketing, it can be applied to dating too. Especially if you are looking to get a beautiful, high-quality girlfriend instead of a drunk drab.

So…

There’s this scene where George Costanza gets a job interview with the New York Yankees. Now, instead of kissing the owner’s ass, he told him the Yankees sucked. He also made sure to tell him WHY he believed all of the owner’s decisions were big fat mistakes.

He got hired on the spot!

Then there was this other scene, where he saw this hot, sexy babe having dinner alone. So, he walked up to her. And rather than trying to be someone he’s not and deceive her into a date, he told her he was bald, short, had no job, and still lived with his parents. She instantly went on a date with him!

The crazy thing is…

It’s the same with dating as an introvert. You see, dating is tough for introverts! Because most dating advice tries to turn introverts into extroverts and pushes them to present themselves as someone they’re not! And if that’s not enough, most dating techniques are about tricking, lying, and manipulating women into relationships. It goes without saying that none of these will help you get a quality girlfriend.

And certainly not a long-term one!

I mean, what do you think happens once she finds out the guy is NOT who he “pretended” to be? That’s right! She dumps him!

Here’s my point:

Let the other team go down that path.

Let the PUAs get the low-quality women and get dumped after their “façade” crumbles.

We’ll take the “opposite” approach.

Cause doing the opposite of what all the other guys are doing can give you a BIG leg up with the ladies – especially with the high-quality ones.

Try it.

You really might be surprised by the results.

Right now, you’re probably wondering, “what specific opposite things can I do?” Well… here’s something practical you can apply in your next interaction with a woman. Next time you disagree with a woman, instead of changing your opinion to match hers and going into “me too” mode, as most guys do, simply do the opposite!

Disagree with her!

You’ll see that by doing so, you actually create attraction! Cause attraction is created when we break rapport, not when we build it. And that’s the problem. Our whole lives, we’ve been taught to build rapport with people. Our parents told us to be nice. In school, they told us to be nice. At work, they ask us to be nice.

Seriously…

Think of any communication course you’ve ever been on at work. It’s all about building rapport and befriending people. But if all you do with a woman is befriend her… don’t act surprised when you land in the friendzone. So next time your date tells you she likes Harry Potter, don’t be afraid to tell her it’s lame!

Of course, don’t be rude!

As long as you do it playfully, with a cheeky smile on your face, you’ll notice she’ll become more attracted to you!

Hope you enjoyed this article cause that’s all I’ve got for you today!

“Blind Side” the movie is based on the true story of Michael Oher, now with the Baltimore Ravens, who earlier in life was befriended by a school friend’s mother, played by Academy Award-winning actress Sandra Bullock. Other plays offensive tackle for his school’s team and does a truly impressive job protecting his quarterback’s blind side.

There’s another kind of blind side worthy of our attention: “blind sides” that are responsible for the demise of leaders and their institutions, families and friends, communities and economies – like blind sides that contributed to the latest recession, our worst in decades. It’s pretty frightening to hear the likes of Alan Greenspan, past and current secretaries of our treasury and the heads of world-wide banks – no doubt pretty smart people in many respects – admit that they were blind to the forces at play that triggered the collapse of world-wide real estate and financial markets and that nearly took down our economy. There are other kinds of blind sides that get us into trouble too – blindness to our own or our organization’s strengths or vulnerabilities, to others’ contributions or limitations, to the impact of our behavior or decisions on others, to “bad news” or our inability to hear it, and myriad other realities that impact our lives and organizations without any awareness of them.

We’ve heard a lot about the merits of “authentic” leaders, organizations, experiences and people. Authenticity means to be real, and an important part of that is for leaders, organizations, experiences and people to be in reality what they claim or present themselves to be. Another important part of being real, however, is the capacity to face and articulate reality – something apparently in very short supply as CEOs, investment bankers and government officials missed or ignored warning signs of the market’s collapse leading up to 2008. The signs were surely there; Michael Lewis’ new book, The Big Short*, chronicles the work of Michael Burry, one investor who correctly read the signs. Mr. Burry studiously read all of the real estate investment descriptions laced with legal language and strange acronyms; he paid attention to the increasing ease for homeowners of acquiring credit, and noticed by 2005 that lending standards had hit bottom. Adding it all up, Burry bet that millions of dollars worth of securities would lose money by “short-selling” them; he made billions.

Why did Michael Burry pay attention to what was happening when so many others didn’t? He jokes about how it might be due to seeing things differently since the childhood loss of one eye; whether that’s true or not, certainly “seeing things differently” is one way to protect our “blind side.” A way to do that just on our own is to simply adopt a different perspective and see things from as many different angles as we can; examples include “playing devil’s advocate,” waiting a day to see things in a different light, or changing locations or going on a retreat to gain perspective. An even better way is to seek and use the input of others, and the more and more different the perspectives usually, the better; here’s a case where there truly is strength in numbers.

The road to failure is paved with blind spots, including organizations and entire industries blind to market or competitive dynamics. After dominating the auto market, Henry Ford lost significant market share to General Motors early in the twentieth century because he was blind to shifting consumer tastes; demand for “basic transportation” gave way to preferences for different models with more features and more colors. The entire American automotive industry was blind to the encroaching Japanese auto makers’ inroads, eventually losing nearly half of their collective market share. IBM was thrown off balance in the 1970s and 80s, blind to the possibility that small personal computers, and Apple in particular, would amount to much. Sometimes rapid growth, success or size contributes to blind spots, as was apparently true with giant organizations in 2008 believed to be “too big to fail.” Richard Tedlow does an excellent job of documenting classic cases of denial, a close cousin of blind sides, in his new book Denial.*

A scary thing about blind sides is that whatever they’re obscuring is still there, impacting our lives and organizations whether we’re aware of them or not; that’s why they’re called “blind sides!” Unfortunately, sometimes we learn about blind sides when it’s too late – after a crisis, traumatic losses or digging a hole that’s too big to escape. I know that I’ve been blind at times to the reality of what was going on or to my situation when a better understanding of what was blocking my view would have paid many dividends. Things “just not going our way” again and again or finding ourselves falling into the same predicaments consistently are usually signs of blind sides and our inability or unwillingness to face certain truths. These are times when we need to take some time for serious reflection, seek feedback that we really attend to, and open ourselves up or seek experiences to help us see things from a different perspective; valid personality surveys, skills inventories or “360°surveys for individuals, especially when accompanied by coaching, can help here. Perhaps at times like these we need what the Buddhists refer to as a Kalyana mitra, or “noble friend”, who as John O’Donahue tells us in Anam Cara* “will not accept pretension but will gently and firmly confront you with your own blindness.” Organizations and teams can be blind to their strengths and vulnerabilities as well; here again periodic organization assessments, especially accompanied by skillful interpretation by a consultant, can significantly reduce dangerous blind spots.

We all likely have sufficiently serious personal, professional, organizational and community challenges to resolve without being handicapped by blind spots.

• Are there any indicators that blind spots may be impacting your life or work; how could you find out? What are some steps you could take to compensate for potential blind spots?
• Might there be blind spots impacting others around you – perhaps acquaintances, your organization, industry or community? How could you call attention to them and reduce their impact?

“Ninety percent of the world’s woes come from people not knowing themselves, their abilities, their frailties and even their real virtues.” (Sydney Harris)