I will open this article with a simple quote by The Talmud: “We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.” We are the product of our environment, which creates our belief system. Our thought constellation is the product of our environment, which in turn feeds into our perceptual development. This system creates our perception of the world around us. How we perceive and deal with one another is the result of this process. Most of the time and for most of us, we operate from a False Self (Ego base relationship), which we live our lives as though we are separate from every other human beings on this planet. This is a false idea and a dangerous way to live our lives.

To live a more harmonious and happy life, we need to make a simple perceptual shift. Let’s make a shift from living our lives from an Ego based relationship to a more loving Spiritual based relationship mentality. Let’s get away from living from Fear to living from love and this requires a perceptual shift. We have to come to an understanding that what we see in others is an extension of our inner self. Our perception of our spouses, our friends and our co-workers are mirror images of our thoughts and feelings. We project who we are on to others around us every day. An example of this would be, “if you feel that your spouse is being overly critical of you, you should examine your thoughts about your spouse earlier that day.” Most likely, you will find that you had been thinking critical thoughts about your spouse prior to your perception of being criticized.” You may notice that when your spouse walks in the door that you are waiting to hear a complaint or a critical comment and you are ready to counter attack. You get what you put out there, so guard your thoughts carefully.

We need to operate from love instead of fear and this is a perceptual shift that will help us to get along better with our spouses and everyone around us. There are only two basic emotions available to us and they are love and fear. We either express love or act out of fear appealing for love. “Without exception, whatever is not love is fear, and is an appeal for love and for help.” Our True Self is love and we can benefit from a perceptual shift of seeing any attack or criticism as an appeal for love out fear. In any interaction with our loved ones and friends, we need to step back and think where is the person coming from. Is it an appeal for love or an extension of love? If someone seems to be attacking you, avoid reacting from your False Self (the Ego), which is to attack or flee, but analyze your previous thoughts to see if you extended some critical thoughts to that person prior to your current situation. If you make a perceptual shift, then you will extend loving thoughts to your loved ones and everyone around you and this cannot happen if you are not the essence of love (your True Self). You cannot extend what you are not. You can only extend what you are. You can only give what you have and it cannot be faked. So, if you can see others as mirrors of your True Self, then you will see that your perception of any conflict or any imperfection is your own projection of your inner self. Again, if we are loving and compassionate, we will project what we are and if we are negative, critical and hateful, we will project those attitudes to people around us. If we experience our spouse as being controlling, we might ask ourselves, “Have I dealt with my own needs to control?”

A perceptual shift is a must if you want to have a good relationship with your spouse, friends and the world community.