Most people, whose lovers become exes, think that they are the victims of their ego. They try to shift the blame for the ultimate break up on their exes. This is probably what defense mechanism means in psychological terms.
When you think that your ex is self-willed, obstinate and egoistic, it implies three possibilities.
One, you assume that the entire fault in causing the break up lies with your ex and that you remained silent and compliant all the time and that you are the victim of your ex’s willfulness.
Two, that you also made a mistake which you own up sincerely, but your ex thinks that he/she did not make any mistake at all.
Three, and this is where ego comes in true sense, your ex does inwardly feel that he/she made a mistake, either partially or fully, that contributed towards the breakup, but refuses to admit it openly because of ego problem. Since he/she has now taken a step or expressed an opinion, he/she considers it an insult to retrace it.
When one partner cannot reconcile to the attitude of his/her ex, he/she starts thinking of how to break his/her ex’s ego.
And what does the word ‘break’ imply? Does it not suggest that the so-called ‘victim’ is also an egoist in that he/she cannot see or does not wish to see the ex’s point of view or cannot empathize with him/her? Does it not imply that even though a ‘victim’, you are determined to ‘break’ your ex’s will? What, if your ex has the same opinion about you? What if your ex thinks that he/she is the victim of your highhandedness?
Before delivering judgment upon your ex, you must first be clear about your own your own attitude. You must introspect very objectively and dispassionately that indeed he/she is an egoist and you are not.
Once you honestly believe that your ex does not want to admit his/her mistake, you must know that no amount of argumentation is going to convince him/her to own it up. This is what ego is.
I think the best course is not to bear any ill will against your ex. You should not think in terms of ‘breaking’ his ego. Prayers, they say, can move the mountains. It does not matter if you do not believe in prayers etc. But you cannot dispute that the vibrations generated by the FOCUSED thoughts, affirmations, whether positive or negative can act powerfully. They are kind of moving and contagious. Our thoughts transmit themselves to those about whom we think.
The best way to ‘break’ your ex’s ego is to remain calm, caring, forgiving and positive. In practical terms, it means you can tell your ex; OK, if not lovers, we can still be friends. On your part, you should always be sincere, helpful and cordial with your ex. With a little bit of patience, his/her ego will surely break up.
