The extension of Love and Forgiveness is the only path to true and lasting happiness.

In order for anyone of us to truly be happy, we have to monitor our thoughts and the projection of our feelings to the people that we are interacting with. It is in our ego’s nature to see what we are thinking and feeling in those individuals that we are interacting with. We project our inner self to our loved ones, our friends and colleagues. So, if we fill ourselves with love and compassion, this will be all that we will extend to the people that we interacting with.

The following two quotes put this whole idea in perspective: “Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them. It alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves.” By Pierre Teilbard de Chardin

“We do not love people so much for the good they have done us, as for the good we have done them.” By Leo Tolstoy

We live in illusion that we are separate from one another and this is the work of our egos. The ego (our counterfeit self) covers our loving and compassionate self. Each one of us is the essence of love, which is an extension of God. God is love and we are the children of God so our true self is Divine Nature. If we are to live a Spiritual and happy life, we need to extend nothing but love to everyone on this planet. It may sound altruistic but it is not. It requires that you monitor your thoughts and refrain from extending hate, anger, fear and any negative energy from your self. Remember that we came in to this world as pure love, so what happened to us after birth?

Unleashing the love within you will require that you monitor your thoughts and extend forgiveness. Holding on to negative energy will deprive you of your happiness. In order for us to experience true love, we must forgive and accept each other on in ongoing basis. The main function of love is to forgive. Love and happiness is within you and if you freely extend it, it will come back to you ten fold. When you hold on to anger and hate, the only person that it really hurts is yourself because most of the time the person that you are angry at doesn’t even think about you. While you fester and extend negative energy, this individual is living his or her life. As long as you think you are right in being angry and hateful towards another, you will continue to be unhappy. When you extend negative energy, you will get back negative energy. Learn to forgive and accept, your peace of mind and happiness will return.

In the world of psychology and personal development, there is a term that is often used called secondary gain. This is a gain that is often hidden and unknown at a conscious level.

And although the word ‘gain’ is typically used in a positive manner, in this instance, it is not a positive gain. This gain could be creating all kinds of problems and dramas in one’s life.

But due to how important this gain is to the unconscious mind, it is irrelevant that it is in conflict with what one consciously wants.

What Is It?

So with the term secondary gain aside, what it comes down to is survival. The ego mind forms associations around what is familiar. And what is familiar is then interpreted as what is safe.

This can relate to anything and just because something is associated as being familiar and safe to the mind, it doesn’t mean that it is either healthy or functional.

It could be something that is dangerous, dysfunctional and unhealthy. And one of the reasons for this is that the ego mind will hold onto these associations no matter what happens. Once they have been formed; they can stay there for ones whole life.

At One Point

During a time in ones history, these associations would have been formed to protect one and to keep them safe. And yet as time has gone by, what was beneficial at one point in time is now creating problems.

So time may have passed, but the ego mind still has the same associations. These can cause one to experience reality in the same way. The people who they attract into their life and the situations that they experience, will then either validate these associations or one will interpret them so that they match.

It’s Real

These associations will also trigger feelings, emotions, thoughts and sensations. This will help to make the experience real. It could be that one manifests the same experience again or that their mind makes one believe that it is happening again.

Examples

This can cause conflict in all areas of life, from attracting money, healthy relationships, losing weight, gaining weight and being happy for example.

It could be that one only feels safe when they are broke or that it is not safe for them to be slim. And based on how the ego mind works, to have these things will be interpreted to mean death.

History

The experiences that one has had as an adult and what happened during their childhood years will all make a difference. What happens in childhood is often what matters the most and this is because ones brain is so malleable at this time.

And what one was exposed to on the odd occasion or on numerous occasions as a child, will often be what feels familiar and therefore safe as an adult.

Normal

Here one may have been brought up in an environment where there was no money; where people were miserable; where it wasn’t safe and therefore gaining weight allowed one to feel safe or where people related to each other in an abusive way.

This was then normal and what will unconsciously feel safe and normal. And if one goes against these, it can lead to fear and self sabotage.

The Forgotten Past

As so many years will have passed since one was a child or since one had a certain traumatic experiences as an adult; it can make secondary gain hard to understand. Now it is causing problems, but then it was a natural consequence to the environment that one was in.

Consciously one can create all kinds of reasons why something is not happening for them and end up feeling like a victim, powerless or that it is out of their control.

Awareness

The desire to have healthy relationships, attract more money or to lose weight may be there, but if one doesn’t feel safe having them – it is highly unlikely to happen.

It will only lead to struggle, strain and frustration. If one feels that it is safe to have these things, then one will either already have them or it won’t take much to attract them.

And this is why a coach, therapist or healer can be so important. They can help one to let go of the past and to embrace what is truly right for them.

Love is a major part of each and every person’s life. If there are no misunderstandings between two lovers their life will be filled with joy. If some differences arises between them, then love becomes the worst part of their life, throwing them into total misery. Nowadays most of the people are facing this problem due to many reasons. In order to enjoy a wonderful love life, one needs to understand many things about how to maintain a relationship with their partner. Or else relationships will lead to embarrassing moments in their life. Relationships are like a mirror, if not handled with care they may break at any instance. Hence one needs to be gentle and and thoughtful during a relation to enjoy its sweetness.

Now let us see how misunderstandings creep in between two lovers. Ego is one of the major problems, if there are ego clashes between two people then that relation does not last a life time it will end very soon. To have a successful relationship, firstly Ego feelings should be avoided because, if a small crack appears in the relationship they can at least speak to each other or discuss the problem and can solve them themselves. Communication between lovers should be very good so that they can discuss everything openly and can take combine decisions. Taking decisions without concerning the opinions of their partner is not right for a healthy relationship. Decisions have to be taken after both the partners have discussed it clearly and if either of them has a problem with it then an alternate decision should be taken. In that way there won’t be any misunderstandings in their relationship.

One has to know their partners likes and dislikes, so that they can keep their partner happy by satisfying their needs and expectations. If one of the partners takes care of the other by living according to his/her wish then the bonding between them will be strengthened. Compromising is also an essential part of a relationship between two people because when some argument starts either of them should end or it gets prolonged until the relation between them ends. Either of the partners should compromise and end the argument ending the possibility of the argument leading to a huge problem, later they can discuss that with clear minds when tempers are low in that way they can solve the problems.

Trust in each other is one of the key aspects for maintaining a peaceful relationship. Lying should be a strict no-no between the partners, lying to partner may create severe problems between them which may break their relation. Both the partners should believe in each other. All the suspicions that arise between them should be discussed openly leaving no doubts about each other. Faith and integrity are the two main pillars of a relationship; one lie may lead to losing faith in him or her. Hence lying to their partner should be avoided.

For a good relationship between a man and a woman, they should respect each other’s opinions. They should never try to point out the mistakes of their partner thereby humiliating them rather they should help them rectify their mistakes. Remembering the good times they spent together during hard times will strengthen their love for each other. Giving surprise gifts on particular days, celebrating birthdays will help in developing love and affection between lovers.

Finally a good relationship gives loads of mental gratification and happiness for a life time. So, always try to strengthen your relationships.

Are you a rational or delusional thinker?

Here is an example of how a majority of people think. It is a dialogue arising from a question in Quora on the Internet. It reflects how self-deceptive it is for people to believe that they are on the right track. Quite clearly, their perception is distorted. I am continually trying to improve the mental health of society, but I am afraid it is a losing battle. It seems that we live in a zombie type of world where people have lost their ability to use a commonsense approach to any problem. The self or ego is the greatest manipulator in mind. Most people have no idea how their thinking affects their physical and mental health, and it seems most people could not be bothered learning about how our mind works.

Question:

Do we freely choose what we think, or does our mind subconsciously control our thoughts?

My answer:

“This is what I call convoluted thinking in which I wonder someone is trying to ask a question for the sake of asking a question. If you think this way, it reflects a sad state of affairs. I would strongly recommend that you please read my book to acquire some self-knowledge and understanding of your mind. There is a thinker in your mind (the ‘nut’ behind the wheel) doing the thinking which influences your subconscious mind. Please try to understand the ego. The thinker can delude himself into thinking that someone is controlling him if he does not understand how the subconscious mind works.”

Comment by the questioner:

“I ask questions because I’m genuinely interested; otherwise, I wouldn’t bother asking. And I ask because I haven’t written a book on the subject and so don’t understand everything there is to know about a subject. I learn by having an enquiring mind and sharing and learning with other knowledgeable souls on a topic.

What would Quora be if our questions are denigrated and judged without any understanding of the person behind the question? Convolutedness has nothing to do with it.

And as per ego, I won’t read your book because you’ve used this question as a blatant marketing tool, rather than encouraging me to explore further through tidbits of useful information.

If you didn’t want to answer my question, then better you didn’t in the first place.”

My Response:

“Thank you for your comment. As one can see, not many people are genuinely interested in finding out the truth about the mind. I am sorry if I offended you.”

The final comment by the questioner:

“Thank you for your follow-up, Dr Mohanlal. No offence taken.”

This case shows how important it is for any person who wishes to improve his or her mental health to understand what perception means. Perceptions influence our thinking, and our thinking influences our behaviour and actions. When we carry distorted perceptions on any issue, we may think we are so right and yet can be so wrong.

To attract an Aries man you need to stimulate his mind, though this might seem an unlikely method at times when he often seems to behave in an immature way. Despite his behavior, he’s usually more interested in you than he lets on and you can be sure that if you’ve sparked his interest he’s been watching you before you even managed to get up the courage to go and talk to him.

The Aries will seem to be disinterested and will keep his heart closely guarded until he knows that he can trust you. This can make it appear that he isn’t interested or really doesn’t care, but this couldn’t be any further from the truth.

You can easily stimulate his mind and his heart with engaging conversation about subjects both you and he are passionate about, in a relationship an Aries will start to open up and talking with you will become his favorite pastime. Be honest with your emotions and listen carefully to what he is saying, giving signals that you really are paying attention to his every word.

An Aries man adores women who are direct and honest with him, the more direct and open you are the better. A good sense of humor and witty banter will also get his heart pounding faster, there’s nothing more irresistible to him than a woman who can make him laugh.

Despite his emotional side he can have a large but fragile ego and will respond to honest compliments. He loves to see himself as being right, so the more positive strokes you give his ego the more likely it is that he’ll be ready to take it to the next level with you.

My favorite passage in Eckhart Tolle’s ‘A New Earth’ is a chapter called “Is That So?”

I found this writing very powerful. Leave it to a Zen Master to give us a powerful insight into mastering the ego.

Here is how the story goes …..

The Zen Master Hakuin lived in a town in Japan. He was a well respected Zen Master and many people came to see him for spiritual teaching. Then it happened that the teenage daughter of his next-door neighbor became pregnant. When being questioned by her angry parents as to the identity of the father, she finally told them that he was Hakuin, the Zen Master.

The angry parents rushed over to Hakuin and told him with much shouting and accusing that their daughter had confessed that he was the father. All he replied was, ” Is that so? “

News of the scandal spread throughout the town. The Master lost his reputation. This did not trouble him. Nobody came to see him anymore. He remained unmoved. When the child was born, the parents brought the baby to Hakuin. “You are the father, so you look afte him.” The Master took loving care of the child. A year later, the mother remorsefully confessed to her parents that the real father of the child was the young man who worked at the butcher shop.

In great distress they went to see Hakuin to apologize and ask for forgiveness. “We are really sorry. We have come to take the baby back. Our daughter confessed that you are not the father.” “Is that so?” is all he would say as he handed the baby over to them.

The Master responded to bad news and good news, in exactly the same way: “Is that so?” He allows the form of the moment, good or bad, to be as it is and so does not become a participant in human drama. Events are not personalized. He is nobody’s victim. Only if you resist what happens are you at the mercy of what happens, and the world will determine your happiness and unhappiness.

Imagine briefly how the ego would have reacted during the various stages of the unfolding of these events. How did you react to this story? What emotions did you experience? Now imagine yourself reacting as the Zen Master Hakiun reacted to this situation.

Is there a situation in your life right now that is consumed by the ego? Could you say “Is That So?”

Practice this new reality. Live in the moment and practice the art of non resistance. When you become friendly with the moment, life becomes friendly toward you: people become helpful, circumstances cooperative.

Ultimately as Eckhart Tolle says, the decision to make the present moment into your friend is the end of the ego. The ego can never be in alignment with the present moment. Time is what the ego lives on.

There are many valuable lessons in Ekhart Tolle’s A New Earth.

“I’m having problems staying with the music,” wrote one student. “I can’t seem to get it. What I mean is, I get stuck or blocked only after a few seconds of improvising. What can I do?”

The above complaint is a very common problem among newbies at improvisation. They don’t understand how to keep an improvisation going. Why? Because they have it backwards!

You’re not supposed to keep an improvisation going. No. That’s the wrong approach to improvisation. The right approach is to let go of your need to control the outcome. Then and only then will your intuition come to your aid.

Listen, you may want to create something beautiful on the piano, but it is exactly your desire that is creating blocks! How? Because the ego is never satisfied and wants a perfect music, a good music, or something that will satisfy it. The ego is insatiable and is never satisfied.

That’s why when you focus on and enjoy the process of improvising, you free yourself from this trap.

Many of us are obsessed with creating a product. Something we can be proud of and show off to friends and family. Look, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have something you can call your own, but when you are only concerned with creating the end result, your creative self (inspiration) will dry up and leave you feeling empty.

But, if you put process over product, not only will you enjoy the whole experience more, the outcome will be far superior to any forced ego product you may end up having.

To enjoy the act of making music, we must let up on ourselves and adapt an attitude of exploration. We must allow for mistakes and listen for where the music itself wants to go. This idea may be strange to some of you. I can understand that but once you really let go of trying to control the outcome, wonderful things begin to happen!

Defense mechanisms are psychological strategies used to cope with reality and maintain the self-image. A healthy person can actually use these for the rest of his life. However, when there is persistence involved, an ego defense mechanism becomes pathological and leads into a maladaptive behavior. Although its true purpose is to protect the mind, self, or ego from anxiety, social sanctions and serve as refuge from any situation, where one cannot cope in real time.

Whenever I feel so much social stress in the workplace, where people grapple you left and right with so many hang ups of their own selves and tries to persuade you according to their means, I just simply use my favorite mature defense mechanism, which is the humor. Actually, I’m just battling with the defense mechanisms utilized by other people who wants to cover up their own weaknesses as well. Of course, most of them do not notice that they are using them unless they know the true meaning of the term and its true demonstration.

Battling with someone else’s defense mechanism is actually a better skill for me to consider. I say so because it is like playing poker with someone that both of you are keeping all the defenses under your sleeves, just waiting for the right time to put them out and clash out each other. However, you have more better cards compared to your opponent in this event. And again, this is metaphorically speaking. I consider events like these as challenging bouts I ever had in my life. So far, my greatest battle are with people powered by projection, which is the primitive form of paranoia and of course the people powered by denial. But I still consider the most memorable one was the battle I had with a person powered by hypochondriasis.

There are actually four levels of defense mechanisms and by knowing all of them actually place me in a situation that can better face the anticipated anxieties of life and the same with a workplace-grappling environment. This also adds up to my workplace ethics list. It is just a matter of using it properly and knowing when to control it to avoid being eaten up by your own defense mechanism.

Everyone is privileged to use their own defense mechanism, may they are aware that it is a defense mechanism or not. It shows up naturally and most of the time they are believed to be a bunch of metaphors that put up someone on a podium of power when they are caught up in between powerful conflicts. It is good to know what yours is. It enhances your ego function and most of the time, makes you feel intellectual. This is just one of the wonders of psychology in getting deeper with yourself.

Anyway, let’s see what your favorite defense mechanism is. Try to answer the following situational questions, contemplate, then check if you practice defense mechanism on analogous conflicting events. Take note that these are not all of the defense mechanisms. These are just a few for you to reflect on.

• Do you to tend to ignore conflicting events that may lead you to face a hurting reality? Or do you tend to refuse admitting or recognizing something has occurred or is currently occurring? Well, if you do, then your defense mechanism is denial. Actually, denial is the most well-known of all defense mechanism. It requires a lot of effort and energy in protecting your ego from things that you cannot cope with and sometimes keep these unacceptable feelings from consciousness.

• Do you tend to find difficulty in forming relationships due to a traumatic memory? Or tend to force yourself in doing things to keep unwanted information out of your awareness? Well, the first one is repression and the latter one is suppression.

• What about coming home from work, carrying all the frustrations you got from a bad work day and release them unconsciously on your kid, wife, or little brother? You tend to take out your frustrations, feelings, and impulses on people or objects that are less threatening. You call this displacement.

• What about this? Have you watched the movie, Catch Me if You Can? The starring person there became a master of fraud, which is unacceptable in the society. When he turned himself in, he became a part of the feds who specializes in fraudulent checks and related cases. This is what we call sublimation.

• If you feel that you hate a person and feel that they do not like you as well, you tend to attribute thoughts and impulses to another person.You call this projection. Take note that when you overuse this defense mechanism, there is a tendency to lead to paranoia.

• Or are you one of those people who insist in saying “I need to buy another dress because I don’t have anything to wear anymore.” Then one look at their closets, clothes are overflowing from them. You call this rationalization.

• Have you been fond of doing the opposite extreme? Like when you dislike a co-worker, you try to bend over backwards for you not to criticize that person and instead, give him special privileges and advances? Well, of course, this one is my favorite defense mechanism. I just put some bit of humor to make it more pleasing and discreet. This is reaction formation, also known as reverse psychology. However, I simply call this killing them with kindness.

It is normal to use defense mechanism because this safeguards our ego functioning. It becomes troublesome if we overuse it and cannot move on without us using them without any anxiety involved.

Most people have the wrong concept of meditation. They think that you have to sit like a Yogi on a mountain top or in a quiet place and adopt a specific position or posture to meditate. Well, I am going to show you here how easy it is to meditate anywhere and anytime. You can be at work, at home or driving in your car. You will get instant benefit from this exercise and wonder why you did not learn it before.

There are many systems of meditation invented, but not many people understand the purpose of meditation. They use various techniques to calm their mind, but when they go back to their routine, their minds go back to their tortured state and confusion. There is no real peace, understanding or enlightenment in the individual.

Meditation is not about concentrating on one object and blocking out the rest in mind. It is not just about calming your mind and acquiring some peace. It is not about religion or religious beliefs. In my mind, the real purpose is to discover the timeless dimension where there is eternal peace. It is also learning about yourself, how you operate in your mind and harmonise your inner and outer worlds. It is a pathway to self-discovery.

Now you may not realise it, but the timeless dimension is just as real as the time dimension we are living in, where we have the past, the present and the future. It is eternal, peaceful, and always in the present. The only thing that separates you from the timeless is your perception.

Most people experience the timeless when they are away from any man-made structures out in the countryside, on a mountain top or in the bush. There, the eternal dimension is so overpowering that one can feel the time stop. It is a spontaneous occurrence. The mind becomes alert and still without a single thought to disturb it, where the observer in mind, and what is being observed becomes one phenomenon. One becomes part of the universe. What one experiences is real and beyond words. It is not imagination. It is only when the stupid ego utters some inane words such as ” Oh what a beautiful sight this is… etc.” that the magic spell is broken.

Here you did not realise that you had stepped into the timeless dimension, but uttering those words brought you back to your present time zone. Please understand the ego. It is a great survivor and is afraid of disappearing from the mind. It uses the thinking process to travel in time by using words and sentences. If you did not verbalise, you would find that your thoughts have no substance.

Thus thinking is an acquired habit we use to fill our mind with thoughts. One thought ends and another one begins. When we are not thinking, we are always doing something else. We may be listening to music, watching television, playing sport or taking part in other escapist activities. One fears that if one stopped thinking, one might disappear from the mind. The thoughts go round and round like a squirrel in a cage. The mind is never empty. This constant stimulation of the subconscious mind makes it grow restless and turbulent. One yearns for peace.

While soothing music can help us calm our mind, it is meditation one should turn to for acquiring real peace and tranquillity. Meditation should be fun and a constant learning process. It is a path to enlightenment. You do not have to adopt a specific position or posture.

Please understand that meditation is not about focusing on one thing and excluding everything else. In my mind, it is an all-inclusive process and initially requires a bit of practice. Here is a simple way to meditate and discover the timeless, anywhere and anytime. When we contemplate this way, life becomes an eternal meditation.

It does not matter where you are. You may be at work sitting at a desk or sitting at home in your lounge watching TV. Look at the picture in front of you. Look at all the objects in front of you without saying a single word in your mind. You can recognise and know all the objects in your view without naming them or focusing on any particular one. Now broaden your vision to take in the whole picture of the room, except the back of you. Do not say a single word. You now have a panoramic view of the entire room except the back of you. There is an observer (the ego) in your mind observing the whole picture, fully alert and in the present. If you watch closely, you will notice an ethereal stillness in the room. At the same time, please note that you have not disappeared from the mind. Your mind is not blank. You are trying to understand the present.

While doing this, please become aware of your habit of thinking trying to interrupt your observations. Do not try to control your thoughts. Let them flow freely. Note how words activate your thinking process. If you did not say or use names (verbalise), the thoughts have no life in them-the same thing with emotions. Become aware of the feeling that might be disturbing you. Stay with it. Note that if you put words to your feelings, you intensify them. If you do not verbalise, the feelings evaporate.

Also, please become aware of the words you use in your mind. Train yourself to replace negative words with positive words, even if you do not mean it. Our subconscious mind responds reflexly to words, not their meaning. For example, if you are driving in a hurry and under tension, say this “Relax, slow down. What is the rush? There is plenty of time”. You will be surprised to find yourself relaxing and slowing down.

When you practice meditation this way, you will soon come to recognise the phenomenon of the observer and the observed, becoming one in your mind. It is a spontaneous occurrence. When this happens, you are experiencing the timeless dimension. You will soon realise that you are an eternal part of this universe. You will understand what peace of mind is and what eternity is.

The timeless dimension is like 3D-picture. At first, it looks flat. But if one keeps looking at it, the depth (the third dimension) appears. Most of us are looking at reality with a tunnel vision, focusing our attention on a small area. With the simple method described above, you will soon be able to look at the picture with a panoramic view.

Do you still think it is difficult to practice meditation this way? Try it; it is easy. First, look at a distant object. Then broaden your view to take in the whole picture except the back of you. Now you have a panoramic view. Doesn’t this technique alone give you instant relief of tension in your facial muscles? Develop this good habit. Soon your perception will change. When you look at the picture in front of you with a panoramic view, you will feel instantly relaxed. You will not be developing any new wrinkles on your face. Practicing meditation every day the way I have described above, will keep you mentally young and refreshed. You will not have to worry about Alzheimer’s Disease. It will also slow down the aging process.

M

(Note: The letter m is considered one of the most important letters.)

Picture a diagram of the basic letter M, consisting of its three humps. The first hump represents the writer’s ego; the second hump represents his social status; the third hump represents other people. Should a particular hump not reflect the basic M, we look for variations, as we looked for variations from the school model (Palmer Method) and analyze the deviations.

o Imagine the letter (‘m’) that shows an arc curving under the body of the letter. It illustrates the performer, the speechmaker; the arc looks like an arm making a kind of gesture to the audience.

o When only two “tops” (humps) are made, the first represents the ego and the second the other person. When the first part is higher than the second is, we see the writer’s ego as of more importance than the other person. He is probably proud and conceited.

o When the first part of the letter is lower than the second part, although the whole letter itself mounts toward the end, it shows ambition. The writer’s ego is lower than the image he has of the other person. This indicates an inferiority complex, one that is dependent on others’ opinions.

o Imagine the letter (‘m’) looped and large; loops are an attention-getting device. In addition, the blown-up size of this letter indicates vanity.

o Consider the capital letter (‘M’) that, although it has the ‘opportunity’ to show off its ego by making itself larger than the rest of the word, does not do so. This indicates a writer who is modest, simple, and retiring.

o Obviously a letter made in the form of a musical note, shows musical interest.

o When the starting stroke, instead of beginning from the left, starts from the right, as though the writer needed some extra flourish to communicate his thoughts, we see talkativeness and a good sense of humor here.

o Picture the ugly-looking letter, where the middle stroke descends sharply, showing materialism. Its ugly shape indicates vulgarity.

o Imagine the middle hump is lower than the other two. Since the second hump shows the social status of the writer, this form implies dissatisfaction with his social position or his job. People who feel this way tend to rely heavily on public opinion in deciding on a course of action.

o When the middle hump is highest of the three, this writer relies more on his own opinion than on that of others. Because the second hump is “climbing” above the first and third, we see an ambitious person who may step on others to attain his goal.

o Consider the letter (‘m’) written in a wavy fashion, without distinct shape. This shows changeability. A diplomat, who must often evade ticklish situations, might write in this manner.

o Picture the letter that is called a “thready connection.” Making the proper upstrokes and downstrokes was too much trouble for this writer. He takes the easy way out and avoids them all. People who write like this usually find it difficult to make decisions and are prone to lapse into hysteria. Note: This thready M is not to be confused with the thready dying out of a word, which implies unwillingness to commit oneself-a subtle difference. (See Chapter 11, note 5.)

o Imagine the letter written in the garland form– open at the top. The garland betokens a friendly, easygoing, kind individual, which does not conceal how he feels. Its round form shows warmth and softness.

o When the angle changes, we see a person who cannot decide whether he wants to live in the past, present, or future. When the writing shows only two changes in angle the indecision is not as severe as when the writing changes angles in three directions. Nevertheless, the writer is torn.

o Consider the small, crowded ‘m.’ Since the m represents so many social aspects of the individual, this letter indicates a narrow-minded person who chooses to crowd himself in. He is probably shy.

o The rounded letter (‘m’) shows someone with a heart of gold. Roundness implies softness, like a bouncing ball, whereas angularity implies hardness, sharpness, like the point of a knife.

o There are instances when it is a good idea to watch the writer while he writes. He may take his hand off the page and make a nearly conscious decision as to how the letter should be completed. If one goes over the letter without lifting the writing tool, one has to use what are called covering-up strokes-the upstroke and the downstroke share the same line. Covering-up strokes indicate that the writer is hiding something. It usually involves cheating in one manner or another, and hence the writer tries to show as little of himself as possible, avoiding separate up-strokes and downstrokes, since separate strokes would show more of his true personality than he wants to reveal.

o Picture strokes which are broken, although there is no doubt that the letter is an ‘m.’ Writing like this is found among frugal persons (as though they were saving by not filling in the entire letter) and among nervous people. The latter seem to need to lift the hand from the page, possibly because it trembles.

o Imagine the third hump is the highest of the three. Since the third hump depicts the writer’s relationship with other people, this shows envy. He has placed others on a pedestal higher than himself and now begrudges the heights to which they have risen.

o Consider the end stroke going to the right and down. Since the normal, social thing would be to extend the final to the right; this downstroke betokens a pessimistic attitude. This writer sulks and probably suffers from depression. His writing is directed downward to reflect his feelings.

o Picture ‘tacky elaboration.’ This reflects exaggeration, because of the unnecessary strokes and surely, a lack of taste.

o Imagine the beginning stroke is hooked. A hook can reveal egotism, greed, and stubbornness. Here the hook represents ego, and because it points inward toward the first hump of the M, it shows selfishness.

o Consider the beginning stroke that is both large and flourished. Since the first part of the ‘m’ shows the ego, we see snootiness. The writer is trying to give an exaggerated image of his own worth. When used in an ungraceful manner like this, flourish strokes show false pretense and affectation.

o When the various humps are a uniform height, we see intelligence, good taste, and a generally amiable disposition. Its similarity to the block letter, which shows simplicity, implies intelligence, and good taste is shown by the very fact that the writer has chosen the simplest possible form. We read good disposition in the equal size of the humps-none distorts the others; social status, ego, and relationship to his fellowman are all in due proportion.

o The end downstroke may be significantly lighter than the rest of the letter. This writer has a mean streak in him. He cuts off his relationships with his fellowman (the shortened third hump). In addition, since the light downstroke heads in the direction of the lower (sexual) zone, he probably cannot enjoy marital relationships in the normal way. The combination of meanness and inability to enjoy normal sex hints that this writer is by nature a sadist. (See chapter 6.)

o Picture the end downstroke that is considerably more lightly written than the rest of the letter. If it continues into the lower zone, the area where the strength of the individual lies, it implies fatigue and weakness.

o The endstroke, which is written with heavy pressure, indicates brutality. There are two reasons for this: (1) all endstrokes show the writer’s relationship to the other person, and (2) the third part of the m also shows this. Thus, this personality trait is emphasized.

o Imagine the endstroke that goes up into the upper zone and ends in a heavy dot. The upper zone indicates the imaginative and intellectual aspect of the writer, and the leftward tendency of the stroke reveals negativism about him. (Leftward tendencies often mean negativism and rightward tendencies positivism.) The heavy pressure of the dot shows materialism. Adding up these facts, we conclude that this writer engages in calculating flattery.

o Consider when the endstroke is hooked. A hook in general shows tenacity, and when it is found at the end of the ‘m’ (relationship to others), we see someone whose dealings are marked by stubbornness.

o Picture the endstroke that extends into the upper zone (spirituality, mysticism). When this endstroke is found at the last part of the ‘m’ (relationship with other people), we see one who couches his human relationships in religious terms.