Many of us are taught and rewarded, from early childhood, that saying, ‘Yes’ is right and saying, ‘No’ is wrong or generally has undesirable consequences. We learn that conceding to other’s demands allows us to avoid conflict and criticism, pleases people, earns praise, and proves that we care for the important people in our lives. Thus, many people come into adulthood as ‘self sacrificing-people pleasers’ with no concept of self-nurturing and self-importance.
The tragedy of this paradigm is that the right to say, ‘No,’ is inextricably intertwined with the ability to make choices. When we sense we are limited in our options, compelled to say, ‘Yes,’ even when doing so is not in our best interest, we are effectively robbed of our ability to choose. Moving away from the tendency to say, ‘Yes,’ when, saying, ‘No,’ is your usual response can be challenging because you fear that others will reject you for your decision. Paradoxically, the reward you can enjoy by facing this challenge is true freedom of choice, which is far more rewarding than the absence of possible conflict, criticism, or rejection.
When you are asked to take on work or do favors, consider the request carefully. If you are pressed to say, ‘Yes,’ consider whether you are saying, ‘Yes,’ out of a desire for approval or to stave off disapproval. Remind yourself often that saying, ‘No’ is as important to enhance your well-being, as it is an indication that you understand and honor your energy, talents, and time.
When you begin to express your personal power by saying, ‘No,’ you might feel compelled to explore the myriad of consequences by responding negatively to many or most of the requests put to you. ‘No’ might even become your default response for some time. When you see that life moves forward without the dire consequences you feared you will learn to be comfortable saying, ‘No’ and will begin making decisions from a point of balance.
There is nothing inherently wrong with accommodating the requests others make of you, provided these requests do not infringe upon your health, time, energy or your happiness. Keep in mind that when you believe you have the right to say, ‘No,’ you will then be able to say, “Yes’ with comfortable certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm. Although, saying, “Yes, has its responsibilities, you can feel good about offering your agreement when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your individual values and your appreciation of the request.
