The most important parenting tip won’t drain your wallet, but it is costly.

It doesn’t require years of parenting education, instead it’s actually quite instinctive.

The most important parenting tip is simple yet profound. You can start using it today and expect almost immediate results.

After over two decades of parenting experience, I can tell you the most important parenting tip I have discovered is simply ‘being there’. ‘Being there’ has become my most fundamental parenting concept.

– Be there…when they’re just babies and need to be cuddled for the hundredth time in a day.

– Be there…then they’re toddlers and need one more book read to them, calmly, so they can settle down in bed.

– Be there…when they’re preschoolers and they fall down the slide on the playground.

– Be there…when they’re in elementary school and their three best friends desert them all at once.

– Be there…when they’re in middle school and damage something they can’t fix on their own.

– Be there…when they’re teenagers and need to talk at 10 pm three nights a week.

– Be there…when they’re college-aged and sometimes just need to hear mom or dad’s voice because nothing’s going as planned.

Just be there.

Be there physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, and relationally.

Be there because it works.

A word of caution about this parenting tip. Your kids can tell when you’re ‘being there’ with them or when your attention is wandering. If you need to be doing something else, then tell them and go do it. But when you are with them, be with them. The child that feels he or she is special enough to be important to at least one other human being is the child that grows up well-grounded and secure in a stable environment. (If you would like more parenting tips based on ‘being there’, see the resource box following this article.)

Being there is a costly strategy in a distracted world. Your kids know you and your time is valuable and it speaks volumes to them when they see you putting your own needs aside and giving them your time and self instead.

And, please, I’m not speaking about spoiling your child. Not about giving into their every demand for attention, money or time. Not at all.

I’m speaking of shouldering your responsibilities as a parent. Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when you’re tired. Especially when it means sacrifice.

I’m talking about doing the right thing.

That’s another way to understand the most important parenting tip of all.

Did you know there’s a game children and parents play all the time and yet, neither of them knows about it? This article discusses this unconscious, no-win game children play with their unknowing parents; how points get scored; why the game isn’t a good thing to play, and how parents can stop the game.

I wish I could tell you the name of the game. It’s a secret and has no name. Parents and children don’t even know they’re playing the game. The purpose of the game is simple; children play it to get their way. The game itself is based on a point system. Whoever has the most points has the most power and control in the parent-child relationship. The minute a child asks the parent for something and is met with the answer, “no,” the game begins!

Children score points when they argue with their parents so much, their parents become upset, raise their voice and lose their ‘cool.’ Or when they are asked to do something and then don’t do it correctly and they’re not caught, they win a point. When children say they did their chores or completed their homework and didn’t and their parents don’t check up on them to see if they’re being honest, another point gets scored.

Another ay to score a point happens when parents tell their children tothey will do something for them and then don’t follow through. If you tell your child you’ll take him to the store on Wednesday and then weasel out of it, you just gave your child a point. Why? Because you’re teaching your child it’s okay not to be a person of your word.

Parents score points when they do not argue with their children. Imagine you have a bonfire on the beach. If you stop putting fire on, what happens? You guessed it! It eventually goes out. When they remain calm, regardless of a child’s reactions,they get the point. Yes, I realize this is not always an easy thing to do.

Any time a parent follows through with a promise, another point is scored. If you say you’ll drive your child to the store, do it. Don’t make any promises unless you feel certain you can carry them through for the child. When you tell or ask your child to stop doing something and he doesn’t, follow through until he does. This might mean you have to quietly and

calmly walk over and physically help him. You could say something like, “Thanks for letting me know you need help doing this. I love you so much I want to make sure you can do this.” If you say it sarcastically, the child gets the point because you won’t sound sincere.

The downside of this game is that no one ever wins. When parents play, they give away their parental power and control to their children. Each time parents react with anger and frustration, they non-verbally let their children know the children are stronger than the parent. If a child gets the unconscious message he or she is stronger, that child won’t feel safe. “Who’s going to take care of me and keep me safe if I’m emotionally stronger than my parent?” What you may see is a child acting out even more, testing the parent to set limits and stop the child’s behavior.

When children play the game over time, they do not learn to accept the word “no.” This is crucial if they are to grow up as respectful, responsible adults.

Now that you know about this no-win game, how can you, as a parent, stop it? Stay calm, no matter what’s happening. If you want some ideas on how to do this, you can find some ideas on my blog called, “How to Act Like a Super nanny at Home.” The address is http://www.parentsurvival.org. By staying calm, not arguing, walking away; the game loses its strength because the parent is in control. You haven’t put any logs on the fire.

If you tell your child to do something, make sure you check to see that it’s done according to your desires. If your child starts to argue, simply say, “I love you too much to argue” and walk away. If you answer your child’s comments, you will lose the point. The trick here involves being quiet, the less said, the better.

Children may not get what they think they want when their parents no longer play with game with them. However, they get what they need, which are strong successful parents who love them enough to stop playing the game. Only then will everyone win.

Deferring, delaying or abandoning pre-parenthood dreams is often not a conscious decision. You probably won’t flinch as you rush past the tennis court, pass on open mike night, or pack away your art supplies. Reprioritizing and dropping “frivolous” pursuits seems the right thing to do since families, work and obligations require most of your time.

You may choke back the tiny but persistent tug at your heart, excuse your slightly quicker temper and ignore your dwindling patience. Hardly anyone connects the dots between neglecting themselves and negative consequences. Most will instead give an internal scolding and a firm reminder that family should be enough. Solo joys and passions can be revisited once children are older and careers on solid ground.

But, what if you embraced the fact that scheduling even a tiny amount of time with yourself could enhance your family life? What if you listened to the experts who say that smart parents who take time for their passions are in fact benefiting their children, spouse, pets, employer and households? If you can wrap your brain around this, your life can literally change to one that you love almost as much as you love your family.

Know that it’s OK to redefine yourself with additional adjectives. In addition to being a parent, spouse, employee, or caregiver, it’s entirely permissible to also define yourself as artistic, spiritual or brainy. Don’t let your dreams die because you think they are impractical. Know that filling your world with “have tos’, chokes out vital “want tos” and what automatically follows is monotonous desperation lived by a grumpy, even resentful parent. This is of course the exact opposite parent you want for your children.

Once you’ve given yourself permission to admit that hobbies and passions are missing from your life, take small steps to incorporate fun into everyday, knowing that doing so is immensely beneficial to your well-being and happiness which will pay huge dividends to those you love. When thoughts of “I should be using this time for something productive” start to invade your head, gently reassure that your dream activity does have a purpose — namely, to give you happiness, which will buoy you as you tackle everyday tasks, from preparing dinner to leading a meeting at work.

Finally, the happy person who is living their dreams and enjoying their hobbies is going to be the upbeat, loving, and fulfilled parent we all want for our children.

I have spent a significant proportion of my life as a member of an immigrant family. In this time I have observed some things that a lot of immigrant parents seem absolutely oblivious to. Today, I will share with you three things that every immigrant parent ought to be aware of, and therefore have a strategy to deal with.

1) Marketing and Media Has More Influence by Default

The nature of the typical immigrant family is that majority of the time, parents are at work, and their children are at school and/ or work. This means that majority of the time they are apart. In this time, your child will be bombarded by thousands of marketing messages a day. In addition to that, your child will have his mind fed by all sorts of media including television, movies, music and podcasts. What this means is that at the end of the day, the child is much more likely to listen to the advice of the marketer from a music record company than they are to you, who they see and hear much less from. Create a plan and a strategy to take up as much mental space as the marketing and media noise. And remember, you are up against the most sophisticated marketing and media organizations in human history, so be militant and tenacious about it.

2) Your Child’s Peer Group is Your Child’s Future

Since time immemorial one thing has never changed. Look at a young man’s peer group and you can probably predict their destiny. We are social creatures who are always seeking approval from one another, especially from our perceived peers or people we respect and admire. Young people greatly respect and admire their peers and want them to reciprocate. As a result they will conform to whatever the norms, standards, beliefs and behaviours of their pals are. If you don’t like where you’re child’s peer group is taking him, help him become part of another social world.

3) The Cultural Norms of the Country You’re Living in Matter

There is a joke by the comedian Russell Peters in which he talks about how he practiced being disrespectful to his Indian parents because that’s what a white child taught him to do. Far from being just a joke, this is a deep, fundamental truth. The fact that you left your country of birth to immigrate over sends a very clear message to your child

“You think your new host country is superior to your native country somehow.”

This underlying message makes them much more likely to observe and ape the behaviour of the country’s people. Whether it’s as subtle as a change in accent or goes on to affect the way you and your child relate, look over the hedge at how your neighbour relates to their kids: that might explain why you keep butting heads with yours.

Keep these three factors in mind and you will be better equipped to help your children thrive.

If you are a parent of a teenager, every bit of advice is welcomed. This is what I thought before I read what Busy Mom wrote in The Ten Commandments of Being the Parent of a Teen. And I ask you, “With parents thinking like that, who needs enemies?”

The article claims that we parents need to be very careful about what we do in order not to damage our teen’s reputation.

• Don’t talk to people at the shops
• Remember that you are a wallet and a driver
• Don’t talk to your teen’s friends in the car
• Don’t take things from them
• Don’t be friendly with their teacher
• Don’t talk about driving them to events…
• and never ask “where are you going?”

By the way, she did say she became a mother of a teen only a few weeks before?

Do you really, really believe that the day her kid reached his thirteenth birthday, something in his head started going wrong and turned on the “reputation” light? Or maybe her kid really gave her a crash course in parenting teens.

I think that our kids are like little mirrors of us, reflecting back everything we do and say. Parenting teens is no different than parenting younger kids. The only difference is that teens are much larger mirrors.

So here are the revised Ten Commandments of Being the Parent of a Teen:

1. Thou shalt love and cherish thy teen and express this love every day, even when ye disagree, for this shall affect the teen’s confidence and future.
2. Thou shalt remember to communicate with thy teen and always leave an open communication channel, for this shall help thy teen to come for help and shall secure his (or her) trust and future.
3. Thou shalt not underestimate thy teen’s ideas, fears and challanges for thou shalt be deemed “disrespectful”, and this shall affect thy teen’s respect and future.
4. Thou shalt not be dishonest by asking teens not to do the very same things you do (smoke, drink, etc). Thou shalt always “walk the talk” for this shall affect thy teen’s perception of truth and honesty and their future.
5. Even though thou is shorter than your teen, thou shalt try thy hardest to hug and kiss thy teen for they forever need love and connection. This shall affect thy teen’s ability to connect physically and emotionally in the future.
6. Thou shalt declare in public that thou hast the most wonderful teen on earth, a loving, sensitive, understanding, respectful teen, for this shall affect the teen’s sense of pride and their future.
7. Thou shalt not mock thy teen for any music they listens to, any outfit they wear, any hairstyle they try or how many piercings they have. Thou shalt do thy best to accept thy teen and give them a sense of uniqueness for thou remember thy teenage years when thou did some things that seemed strange to thy parents. This shall affect thy teen’s sense of significance and teach them acceptance, a handy tool for the future.
8. Thou shalt not forget the really important things in life and that thy teen is looking up to thee as a role model. Thou shalt not buy fancy cars and accessories that are in fashion and complain that teens are subject to peer pressure. Thou shalt be thy self for this will affect thy teen’s sense of self and their future.
9. Thou shalt think positive thoughts about thy teen and express them at every opportunity for they will create love, harmony and a caring environment for thy teen and shall affect thy teen’s attitude towards life and the future.
10. Thou shalt always ask seriously, “How was your day?”, “How can I help?” and “Is something bothering you?”, for teens perceive such questions as caring and will do all within their power to attract your attention. Care for thy teen for this shall affect thy teen’s emotional intelligence.

And may the force be with you.

Many parents with kids’ just starting school have no idea as to what happens at parent teacher conferences. Parent teacher conferences occur during at the beginning of the school, just after teachers and students have had a familiarization period to get to bond and know each other.

Most parents have very busy schedules which require them to be at work most of the time. To cater to the needs of such parents most schools hold their parent teacher conferences over several days to give parents a chance to come in at any time they may be free to do so. A teacher parent conference is very short not lasting any more than thirty minutes.

Parent teacher meetings are an honest and open discussion, where you are free to voice your opinions and ask any relevant questions concerning the education plan of the teacher/school and the students’ performance.

Teachers are supposed to function as professionals and so they are required to present the behavior, and ability`s of the student as they really are without bias.

Teachers also get the platform to discuss problem issues, such as bad behavior that a child may have with the parent at this time.

Teachers are also free to discuss certain things they feel may be missing in the student. If the child is distracted in class or is the cause of the distraction for other students. Parents are allowed to discuss ways to make the classroom a better place for both teacher and student.

Most behavioral problems begin at home and it is important that parents discuss any problems that may be occurring at home that may be influencing the Childs behavior at school. Parents also take this time to see how parents help their children with homework.

Parent teacher meetings are not beneficial for the school but they also help the parent to know how they help their child’s teacher to best teach their child. It helps the teacher to know the background and environment each child comes from and how to relate with them.

When parents have a deficiency in their perception of there child as a separate individual from themselves it is called Symbiotic Fusion. By not distinguishing the separateness of identity, the parent has a distorted view of the parent-child relationship. She maintains in her mind that they are one in the same with their children in thought, beliefs, feelings, and behaviors. With symbiotic fusion parents have difficulty distinguishing where they end and the child begins.

The ambiguity gives the fused parent a belief that the child’s needs and wants are the same as hers. The consequence to the child is when she expresses her needs to the parent they go unheard, which can hamper the child’s self-esteem, development, and lead to feelings of unworthiness. The child thinks to herself, “This must be why my needs aren’t met, no one cares about me. I’m only here to make my parents happy.” What kind of value do you think a child that believes this has of themselves?

Although, we know that there is a connection to our children genetically and emotionally, we must acknowledge that they are individuals and appreciate their separate identities. This is accomplished with intentional dialogue, tending to their needs and having appropriate boundaries in the parent-child relationship in place.

Developing a healthy bond with our children takes intentional dialogue, which consists of mirroring, validating, and empathizing with them. This will give us a relatively good perspective of their needs and help you identify any of your needs that may be interfering with your child’s development and can be work on with the help of a good support network.

Though our children are a blessing in many ways and provide us with a sense of acceptance, it is our role to support our children not the other way around, we are the parents. Being unaware of our children’s needs can blind us to the psychological consequences it can have on them and keeps both the parent and child in a distorted view of what a healthy relationship is, at best and at worst, estranged.

Signs of a Symbiotically Fused Parent

• Views their child as an extension of themselves.
• Believes their reality is the only one that is legitimate.
• When conflict arises with their child they believe their response is to the child’s behavior when in reality they are actually reacting to their own childhood needs, which were not meet.
• Believes what their child experiences are only valid when it is congruent with what they are feeling.
• Does not recognize that children develop in stags and believe all children are the same when developing.
• The symbiotic fused parent cannot see their part in conflicts that arise with their children. They believe it is because of something they did wrong and are the cause of the problem.

Parents that are symbiotically fused to their children are self-absorbed in projecting their own childhood needs; which were not fundamentally meet by their parents when they were a child, onto their own children. They react to their children in a way as so to heal their own wounds and with the illusion of being able live the way they wished they would have when they were children, through their children; instead of, interacting with them to meet their child’s needs.

Based on the premise of this article it seem that there are similar parallels with parental alienation and parental symbiotic fusion; such as, the parent’s beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and the anxiety it produces in the children. With this premise I have a two-part question for mental health professionals. Does Parental Symbiotic Fusion play a role in Parental Alienation and how? Your response is appreciated.

We are all acquainted with the process of when an orphaned minor needs a guardian until he or she becomes an adult. But what happens at the other end of the age spectrum, when the parents become physically or mentally disabled and need supervision?

The issue is whether a senior citizen (or even younger adult) needs a “guardian” to handle his or her personal needs or a “conservator” to manage the person’s finances. At different times our office has been retained to represent the children who want mom or dad to have a guardian or conservator, and at other times, we have been hired by a parent to assert his or her competency to handle their affairs.

It is an obviously emotional situation because the parent usually does not want to give up his or her autonomy. Also, the Alzheimer’s disease or dementia can leave its victim with a false sense of what he or she can manage. On the other hand, some children want to rush to a guardianship when mom or dad slows down a slightly, or becomes a bit forgetful. On the darker side, some children want to get and use mom’s or dad’s money for themselves while the parent is still alive.

The situation can become further complicated when there is a “blended family” of a second marriage or when mom or dad becomes enamored of a new “significant other”, whom the natural children do not approve. The children may become suspicious that mom is being “financially exploited” by a man they consider a “gold digger”. On the other hand, the children may refuse to accept the fact that dad has become emotionally or sexually attracted by someone other than deceased mom.

There is no doubt that in such circumstances, legal battles can become emotional – and expensive.

The reasonable alternative is that family members communicate with each other. Unfortunately, when it comes to parent-child or sibling communication, some families are terminally dysfunctional. Sometimes communication can be opened up by a neutral clergyman or impartial family friend. Even that doesn’t always work with the distrust that seems to be inherent in “blended” families.

Under the Minnesota Probate code, the courts give preference to alternatives that are less onerous than a guardianship or conservatorship. These can include powers of attorney or Health Care Directives (formerly known as “Living Wills”).

In preparing for disability and estate planning matters, it is always wise to confer with a qualified professional while the parents (and children) are competent and emotionally calm.

No matter what circumstances lead you to becoming a single parent, there is no reason why your life needs to go on hold just because of your little ones.

Understandably, you have had to put your kids first to make sure that they haven’t wanted for anything. For some this has forced them to work 2 jobs so that they have enough money coming in to provide for your kids, especially if you don’t get any financial support from the other parent.

So dating and finding someone to share your life with has no doubt taken the back seat with such a busy home life, work life, and family life – but this doesn’t have to be the case in these modern times.

There is a great deal of websites now that offer single parent dating online free as long as you know what to look for. Some of the better ones are listed below:

– ParentsAlready.com

– DatingforParents.com

– singleparentmeet.com

Being a single parent, dating is very difficult. You want to meet someone that understands that your kids have to come first, so someone who has kids as well will understand your time constraints.

The sites listed above all allow you to browse for single parents in your area before paying any money. This way you can see if it’s worth your time and money first by seeing if they have a good selection of guys and girls in your area.

Once you’ve found a few people with whom you’d like to chat to more and get to know, then you can usually send them a note on these single parent dating online free sites to see what kind of responses you get.

The best thing about these single parent online dating sites is that the people you meet will already know that you have kids. This helps you to avoid the embarrassing confession that you have kids as picking the right moment to tell someone this on a date can be quite awkward.

No matter what single parent dating online for free site that you choose to sing up with, all will offer trial versions first so you can get to know the site well first before you commit anything. Studies have shown that online dating sites are now the number one way to meet other single parents in your area, so get cracking.

Children of all ages demand different things from their parents. These are their providers, their role models and the first people they can trust. However being a parent is challenging and can be traumatizing at times. Below are seven spiritual virtues that every parent must possess in order to support their kids at any age.

1. Love

Love is the first and foremost bond that must exist between parent and child. Without love nothing else matters even if it is done in good faith. The love between parent and child cannot be from a distance. It has to be shown, mentioned and proven for it to have value. Children need to know that they are loved. They do not need to figure this out for themselves, it has to be shown and demonstrated continuously for them to believe that it exists.

2. Reassurance

Children need to know that their parents would be there regardless of any circumstance. They prefer to receive a rebuke than no communication at all. Children do not need to figure out what the parent is thinking, it is the parent’s duty to figure out what their child is up to. Children need encouragement for their dreams and their endeavors. They need to be appreciated and their presence felt for them to gain confidence.

3. Discipline

All children need discipline regardless of who they are. Love without discipline reaps no benefits. Discipline for children is guidance and if implemented correctly is beneficial to the relationship between parent and child.

4. Direction

Parents are the first role models for their children and so must possess the right attributes to set the right examples for the child to follow. They must be honest with themselves and their children. Honesty in this relationship strengthens the bond between parent and child. It also makes the child believe that their parent can be a friend as well as a parent and provider.

5. Patience

Parents must possess this quality in abundance to support their children. Children are a life time project and every parent must know that they have signed up to this when they have a child. Patience is strengthened when love exists and vice versa.

6. Friendship

Parents must also be the first friends of their children. It is easier for a child to confide in a friend than a parent. Parents must be able to multitask and wear different hats at different times to ensure that the child is getting what it needs.

7. Faith

Even with the best of relationships between parent and child faith in God makes all the difference. Children need to learn about God and his might. This is the ultimate bargaining weapon in this relationship. God can offer what no parent can. He is the watch night when a child is at cross roads in life. He is the watch night when a child cannot come to their parents for answers. He is wisdom behind tribulation and hurt. He is the answer for both parent and child when nothing else can bridge this relationship.