I have spent a significant proportion of my life as a member of an immigrant family. In this time I have observed some things that a lot of immigrant parents seem absolutely oblivious to. Today, I will share with you three things that every immigrant parent ought to be aware of, and therefore have a strategy to deal with.

1) Marketing and Media Has More Influence by Default

The nature of the typical immigrant family is that majority of the time, parents are at work, and their children are at school and/ or work. This means that majority of the time they are apart. In this time, your child will be bombarded by thousands of marketing messages a day. In addition to that, your child will have his mind fed by all sorts of media including television, movies, music and podcasts. What this means is that at the end of the day, the child is much more likely to listen to the advice of the marketer from a music record company than they are to you, who they see and hear much less from. Create a plan and a strategy to take up as much mental space as the marketing and media noise. And remember, you are up against the most sophisticated marketing and media organizations in human history, so be militant and tenacious about it.

2) Your Child’s Peer Group is Your Child’s Future

Since time immemorial one thing has never changed. Look at a young man’s peer group and you can probably predict their destiny. We are social creatures who are always seeking approval from one another, especially from our perceived peers or people we respect and admire. Young people greatly respect and admire their peers and want them to reciprocate. As a result they will conform to whatever the norms, standards, beliefs and behaviours of their pals are. If you don’t like where you’re child’s peer group is taking him, help him become part of another social world.

3) The Cultural Norms of the Country You’re Living in Matter

There is a joke by the comedian Russell Peters in which he talks about how he practiced being disrespectful to his Indian parents because that’s what a white child taught him to do. Far from being just a joke, this is a deep, fundamental truth. The fact that you left your country of birth to immigrate over sends a very clear message to your child

“You think your new host country is superior to your native country somehow.”

This underlying message makes them much more likely to observe and ape the behaviour of the country’s people. Whether it’s as subtle as a change in accent or goes on to affect the way you and your child relate, look over the hedge at how your neighbour relates to their kids: that might explain why you keep butting heads with yours.

Keep these three factors in mind and you will be better equipped to help your children thrive.