Though one could be infinitely happy by just enjoying the nature and family and all the human-made things, there are still millions of people who are unhappy. In the developed countries there is very fortunate circumstance of having both God-given and man-made things. Still majority of people there are unhappy. In the developing countries, where for millions there is a real scarcity of even basic needs, people seem to be happy. There are some people who are engaged in difficult tasks and in warfare, and even incarcerated in prisons, and are still happy! We have just discussed the factors of happiness. Millions of people have them, still they are unhappy. There are millions of others who don’t have them, yet they are happy!

You would realize that the mere availability and abundance of God given and human-made things is not enough. There is something else which should be right to be happy. Of course, it is our mind that must have right attitude towards and capacity to be happy.

Milton in Paradise Lost says,

‘The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.’

One can give various examples of how mind can influence our body::

o Pavlov’s dog starts salivating at the sound of the bell without any food in sight.

o If we are tense we often get headache, backache, and spondylitis, etc.

o Heart attacks are directly linked to worry and tension.

o Right mental attitude helps in curing many bodily maladies.

o By self-talk, motivation, and positive attitude we can become happy and successful.

o Through hypnosis one can have command over another person’s mind and body.

o Through meditation one can have a healthy body and extra sensory abilities.

Mind has extra-ordinary powers and as far as happiness is concerned it has the ultimate power. We should, therefore, have a positive attitude towards life. Instead of concentrating on bad things in life and people, we should concentrate on redeeming features in them. We should not keep on thinking about past failures and bad experiences but be encouraged by our past success and good experiences. Similarly, we should not be unduly anxious about future as our anxiety is not going to have a positive effect, but we should plan and work hard for the future.

In whatever circumstances you are, you can never have total lack of God-given and man-made happiness. You cannot completely take away nature from somebody; you cannot take away all man-made things from somebody. Even if everything is taken, one’s family and friends are there. One’s precious body is there. And, even if you chain somebody securely in a dungeon, one’s mind is free. One is free to be happy in one’s mind! Mind is difficult to be mastered by oneself, but it is impossible to be vanquished by anybody, any authority, or whatever conditions or situations.

Abraham Lincoln has beautifully expressed it: “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

BE HAPPY!

“I have no idea what happiness is,” someone confessed in a seminar of mine recently. She realized her life was full of “to-do’s” and no “woo-hoo’s.” She was buried under work and burnt out, not being able to celebrate the joys in her life.

This audience member made me ponder the true source of our happiness and prosperity. I’m linking happiness and prosperity since the word “wealth” comes from “weal” which meant “well-being.” Being happy and being wealthy, i.e. experiencing well-being, is not something that happens–It is something we create, consciously with determination!

First of all, when I talk about happiness and prosperity, let’s get something Waterford crystal clear. I’m not addressing the surface happiness of material pleasures though these certainly contribute to our well-being and comfort. (Nothing like a cup of rich hot chocolate and a luxurious bubble bath, for example!)

What I AM talking about is the happiness that comes from living your life as YOU see fit, according to YOUR beliefs and principles as well as the guidance from YOUR Higher Power.

And being happy does not mean that your life is devoid of pain or sorrow. In fact, I’ve found that pain and sorrow can give rise to the most exquisite awareness of what it is to be fully human, to be in a body that aches sometimes, holding a heart that breaks at times.

The first large heartbreak I experienced was when my parents got a divorce, estranging me from my brother and father. I was overweight and hitting puberty with glasses, braces, corrective shoes, and a slew of blackheads. I felt UGLY and unloved, so I spent a few years in silence, not speaking unless I absolutely had to. (I know that’s hard to believe from this “big talking speaker,” but it’s true!) I cut myself off from everyone around me and let my loneliness and sorrow fester inside.

Then at sixteen, I made a decision, a conscious decision, to be happy. I was in high school, about to get on the bus to ride home, and I remember telling myself that everything I did from there on out was for my happiness, growth, and empowerment!

My life changed radically, I lost weight, started singing and acting, became popular on my own terms, and began to see life as an adventurous script I was co-writing with my Higher Power.

My story illustrates that happiness is a choice. It’s a choice that I continue to make on a daily basis now. Here’s how to do it: In the morning when you get up, instead of thinking about all the things you HAVE to or SHOULD do, focus on all the things you GET to do. I choose to focus on what I GET to do, and let me assure you, just that one simple attitudinal change makes a palpable difference in your happiness and well-being.

As the Dalai Lama affirms, “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” And the process of figuring out what makes you happy can take time and energy. But if you want to turn your life from a “to-do” into a “woo-hoo,” the first step is that small shift in the morning before you even get out of bed. Your decision to make the day a good day is just as essential as brushing your pearly whites or making sure your socks match before you step out the door. Set your internal compass on what you GET to do and you’ll never have to say, “I have no idea what happiness is.”

Some people will say what they believe is expected, not what is actually going through their mind. Others will do what they think is expected, even though it’s not what they really think or believe to be correct.

When it comes to Happiness, understanding your values is a fundamental building block. Your values influence your behaviors, your choices and your emotions. Your values influence your habits, your lifestyle and your social experiences. Your values are your motivators and give you purpose for getting up in the morning.

This discrepancy rob yourself of happiness because only you can steal it. If you do what you say, and say what you think; therefore, all is in congruence. Therefore, you have an opportunity to be happy and this becomes foundation of harmony, calm and peace.

When our words and actions are not in alignment, we are essentially teaching ourselves and others that we can’t be trusted. In other words, our thoughts, words and actions lack integrity. This can erode our sense of trust in ourselves, which in turn, can chip away at our self-esteem.

If we can’t trust ourselves to do what we say, how can we trust others? Our world becomes smaller and smaller. However, if we want to feel good about ourselves, as a person; we can start by increasing our level of personal integrity.

When your words and your actions are in harmony, you will come to love and trust yourself on a whole new level. This will increase your level of happiness and confidence, and ultimately, your overall fulfillment with your life.

If you want to gain tremendous clarity around your life, what matters most is to live a happy and successful life. In fact, understanding your values is fundamental. Ultimately, you can prioritize effectively, make consistent decisions and take action in a way that leads you to success and happiness in all aspects of life.

The decisions you make are far more consistent when you understand your values. When you know what is most important to you, you can prioritize and make consistent decisions to progress you towards your goals.

When you make choices that are in line with your values, you experience harmony, a feeling that leads to satisfaction and happiness.The heart is what represents your values, the things that are most important to you. When other parts of our being are not aligned with our values we experience dis-harmony which can lead to feelings of frustration, confusion, guilt, emptiness or unhappiness.

When you experience misalignment between your values and your behaviors, subconsciously you will automatically take action to correct the situation and rectify your feelings. The clearer your values, the more rapidly you can identify why you are experiencing disharmony and realign yourself to feelings of happiness. Ultimately, understanding your values helps you make choices to experience congruence, success and happiness.

Tease and denial is an essential part of any marriage where male chastity is a major part of the lifestyle.

There’s a common belief in some circles that male chastity means it’s a man’s place to be simply “locked and left”. However for most men…

Tease and Denial…

Is usually absolutely essential for his happiness and satisfaction with the male chastity lifestyle, even if not for his health and physical wellbeing. Contrary to popular opinion, there is NO conclusive evidence I’m aware of to suggest long term orgasm control and severe tease and denial is harmful to health; uncomfortable, frustrating, and maddeningly delicious, yes…

But harmful?

No.

You see one of the fundamental principles of male chastity and orgasm control is your man is not allowed to orgasm until you say so. For reasons I won’t get in to here, this is something MOST men will enjoy, at least given time to get used to the idea.

However, chastity is NOT the same as celibacy — which is what he would have if you just locked him and then ignored him. This is NOT what he wants.

What he wants is tease and denial. He wants you to take him — repeatedly — to the edge of a toe-curling, spine cracking orgasm… and then refuse to let him cross that point of no return.

Yes, he’ll beg and plead with you to let him come…

And in that moment he really will mean it. But while he WANTS to orgasm he CRAVES denial. This is how the brain is of a man who loves male chastity. It’s hard for us women to understand, I know. But from my own experience living the strict male chastity lifestyle with my husband for the past three years I ALSO know this is what he wants and needs.

And, of course, this is why I say male chastity in general, and tease and denial in particular are NOT for couples whose relationships are not fundamentally sound and loving (in other words, if you hate the sight, sound and touch of each other, something that’s meant to INCREASE the intimacy between you simply isn’t going anywhere).

One problem many women have with it in the beginning — and I was definitely among them — is we are used to men getting angry and upset if we don’t give them what they want (and by that, I mean give them an orgasm!).

Many of us have been called hateful things like “prick tease” in the past. For that reason it’s important for the ladies to realise this IS what your man wants; and it’s important for the men to realise exactly how nervous she is about all this — so don’t get riled or disappointed if she doesn’t get it right first time, or even seems not to understand what you want and why you want it!

Finally…

There Is an Art to Tease and Denial

Like anything worthwhile it takes practice to get it right (and you’re bound to make mistakes in the beginning and let him come when you don’t mean to — but there’s no need for that to be a big deal unless you make it one). But ultimately it’s well worth the effort you put into it.

And your man will thank you for it… eventually.

If you’re serious about discovering the secrets to strict tease and denial, without the hype and nonsense you’re tired of reading on the blogs and forums, then…

If you think back to when you were a child you can probably remember sitting in the front room eagerly waiting for your dad to get home. You can probably envision the excitement that you felt when his car turned into the driveway or even when you heard the garage door open and he pulled inside. You couldn’t wait for him to walk into the door so you could give him a huge hug and tell him everything that had happened to you during the day.

For most kids their dads are their rocks. No matter what is going on with you, whether it is good or bad, you knew you could always tell your dad what was happening. The best part of being able to tell your dad what was going on is that it seemed like he could magically fix everything for you. As a little kid falling and scraping your knee required a kiss from Mom to make it better, but when your bike had a flat tire it was only Dad who could make it right.

No matter where you live, whether it is in a remote village in Alaska or on the island of New Zealand, how you view your dad is going to be similar to how other children view their dads. The relationship that a child has with their father has even withstood the sands of time. Dads all across the world play with their kids when they are young and teach them to drive when they get older.

It is because of this relationship that a child has with their father that all across the globe we celebrate Father’s Day. The date that Father’s Day is celebrated on in various regions around the world varies, as does the language you use to wish your dad a Happy Father’s Day. However, despite these differences the main point is to show how dads how much they mean to us.

Here is how you would say “Happy Father’s Day” in a variety of different languages:

• Portuguese – Feliz dia do pai
• Spanish – Feliz dia del padre
• Italian – Giorno di Padre Felice
• Polish – Wszystkiego Najlepszego Z Okazji Dnia Ojca
• Dutch – Gelukkige Vaderdag
• German – Alles Gute zum Vatertag
• French – Bonne fete des peres

One thing that is interesting to note is that most countries follow the American custom of celebrating Father’s Day on the third Sunday in June, but there are a handful of other countries that follow their own customs. Austria, Costa Rica, and Belgium celebrate Father’s Day on the second Sunday in June. New Zealand and Australia celebrate it on the first Sunday of September. Russia doesn’t celebrate the event on a Sunday instead the celebrate it on February 23 every year. China also has a specific date for Father’s Day, which is August 8. Iran and Germany have no specific date for celebrating Father’s Day instead they celebrate it based on certain events. Iran follows the Islamic calendar, so they celebrate it on 13 Rajab, while Germany uses Ascension Day, which comes from the Bible, to decide what date they are celebrating the event.

No matter what day you celebrate the event or what language you use to tell your father Happy Father’s Day celebrating Father’s Day is all the same. The day is set aside to show our father’s how much we love and respect them for everything that they have done for us.

As your senior loved ones age, they’re likely to feel a bit isolated. This is the time when you need to be with them and help them in any way you can. Your efforts will go a long way in keeping their health intact and making them happy. It will also assist your senior’s live-in caregivers do their job properly. Here’s a look at five simple ways to make your senior’s day.

Communicate

Make it a point to talk to your seniors regularly and address all their emotional needs. Many seniors tend to keep their feelings and emotions to themselves and do not want to be a burden on their families. If you notice any changes in their behavior, engage in a casual conversation with them and try to find out what’s troubling them.

As your seniors progress in age, their self-esteem may lower. At this stage, your attitude and behavior towards them can uplift their mood or add to their misery. Consider gifting your loved one a senior-friendly cell phone and teach them how to use social media and keep in touch with them.

Be Available

Give your seniors the assurance that you’ll always be just a phone call away. It is important that they know who to call if they suffer from any injury or any other condition. As a responsible adult and caring individual, you should learn how to provide first aid help in case of an emergency and teach your senior loved one what to do in a critical situation. This will reduce their stress and anxiety.

Provide Groceries

Leaving the house, going to the grocery store and shopping for groceries can be a tiresome experience for your seniors. You can help them by supplying their basic needs to their door, if you can. Also make sure to get them their medicine refills.

Online grocery shopping has made the lives easier of several shoppers all over the world. Whether or not your senior is tech savvy, it is best to teach you senior how to shop for groceries online. This will save you both the hassle.

Depression

Your senior may be going through a hard time due to the recent loss of someone close to them. This is made worse by a rapid decline in their mental and physical abilities. For these seniors, your senior loved one faces a high risk of depression. If your senior is refusing medication, be gentle and considerate with them. Help them with a few simple tasks to boost their confidence. You can consult a psychologist for this purpose.

Internet

Senior citizens often fall prey to a number of online scams- such as medical insurance and car insurance frauds. It is necessary to take out some time and explain to your senior loved one all the online scams that exist.

Find information brochures or any other documents you can to help them be aware of investment frauds, online identity theft and phishing scams. If your senior uses the computer regularly, make sure to keep them away from scams and malware. Install a trusted antivirus in their electronic gadgets and teach them how to use and update it.

Prejudice Community Threatens Human Survival:

The recent news on the Indian rape cases reported the law enforcing agent to be holding the attire of the female rape victim responsible for causing the crime. Muslim women are covered fully and still rape cases are high in numbers in Muslim countries. This shows that the sexy female attire is not the cause of the rape crime. In the same bizarre manner, victims of harassment in government organizations are normally held responsible for creating their own victimized condition. The closed minds are so blinded that they cannot see the culprit as the culprit and so the poorly analyzed problem encouraged victimization. The supposedly intelligent beings in the system also simply ignore the truth in their twisted brain.

The twisted thinking taught by a culture to dislike a particular group perceived all the problems to be caused by the disliked group. Victimizing the victim is not just an error of individual judgment on the victim alone; it is a bigger error of societal judgment against a particular group held in disdain or in low esteem. When the mind is conditioned to perceive the victim as the defaulter, the prejudiced mind treats the victim as the culprit that effectively places the culprit as the victim. Such prejudiced mind will search for reasons to blame the group considered lesser beings or dangerous to the community. This kind of mindset justifies all actions of the culprit on the targeted victim group as deserved and so the criminal action is not to be questioned. The repeated criminal action in the form of discrimination, harassment, victimization and torture produces a series of negative outcome on life condition of the disliked group.

The worst outcome is the smothering of the spirit to live. In many cases, the torture uses an invisible technique to exclude the group and deny them opportunity under flimsy grounds. The invisible technique is preferred to the visible technique because the crime cannot be evidenced making its application shielded but very lethal.

The invisible technique is used to kill the spirit to live and this produces more cruelty than the instantaneous physical murder. The cruelty of applying a slow death process through reduced life condition to an unbearable level is meant to trap the victim for self-annihilation. The self demolition manifests in alcoholism, drug addiction and adoption of unhealthy lifestyle from depression. The depressed life condition may even tempt the victim to commit serious crimes like suicide and murder. The victims who could be rescued too have little chance of survival as they normally suffer from psychological trauma. The damaged condition denies the victim the opportunity to lead a normal life like others. The most disgusting part is when the victimization continues unchallenged and the crime condoned for the criminal to continue the crime. This kind of a societal attitude and behavior towards a particular targeted group certainly does not project a happy community living.

Prejudice Exalts Myopic Existence of the Few:

The cultural attitude of looking down upon a particular group passively endorses the dependence of the perceived weaker group on the stronger force as a natural equation. In other words, the culture justifies the unequal treatment. By accepting the inequality, the culture does not recognize potential, creativity and strength of the disliked group. So the common attitude is to silently approve the unequal treatment and be apathetic towards the sufferings of the prejudiced group.

The myopic group exalting only itself as worthy is the culprit in the crime against humanity. Such myopic group exists in backward communities as also in advanced societies. It is observed that traditional cultural outlook acted as a main feeder to prejudiced attitude. The western historical racialism forms the social milieu for today’s social prejudice on certain groups. The historic Jewish holocaust and the general tendency to view Jews differently today have both been derived from the same social milieu. Indian tradition offers another prominent example of prejudiced existence. Victimization of a schedule caste or tribe in India hardly exudes sympathy from other castes communities. Similarly, the female sex held in low esteem is looked upon as the temptress in rape crime. The Middle East dictatorial torture legitimized by the cultural belief of the divine right of the ruler is unquestioningly accepted under a similar culturally conditioned mind.

Unhappy Condition Makes a Nation Unhappy:

While USA is fortunately blessed with questioning minds to pursue the truth and seek justice, the Muslim community under airtight-controlled system is unable to question the authority. And while the Indian citizens are loud in their protest these days, they barely measure up-to the desirable level of inquisitiveness or have the audacity to question the authority. Today, democratic India lay buried in qualms of life hidden by the bubble of GDP. Rising India saddled with rising population over 2.5 billion has also witnessed increased in the size of the poor in hunger who are existing in ignorance and illiteracy. Rising India is rated as the world’s capital for infanticide, rape and suicides with possible distinctive position of the largest numbers of insurgents in the world. Paradoxically, shining India majority struggles under unequal access to opportunities and unequal distribution of the newly acquired national wealth. Shining India’s poor majority are the culturally looked down upon category belonging to low-caste and tribes including Muslim minority broadly termed as the deprived group.

Undeniably the unhappy majority poor condition, the silent sufferings under dictatorial rule and racial victimization are indicative of unhappy condition.

What you Measure is what you get:

The British government recently introduced measurement of happiness. The policy initiative is meant to help assess life condition from the impact of social and public policy in order to measure happiness. Measurement of happiness as a policy will help the government to understand the needs of the people better. It will also help the people stay focus on how to get happiness instead of diverting attention on trivial issues to cause social tension and increase the crime.

Measurement of happiness will direct all citizens towards a common goal of attaining national happiness. It will teach the people the real problem facing the country and urged them to stand in unity instead of wasting time hunting the disliked group. It will show that a nation need not assumed global power to make its people happy. It will reveal that corporate profit has neither improved living condition nor the high GDP automatically alleviate life condition of the poor. The vast majority struggling under poor condition do not feel the comfort of a fat salary earned by some individuals who benefited the economic growth. For a fat salary earner too, happiness does not lie in working for a big reputed organization either when happiness is how one is treated in the organization.

In the ultimate analysis, happiness is how an individual feels about the living condition and gets treated in the system. Happiness comes only when one feels protected, secured and ”enabled” to lead a meaningful life. Happiness is when the individual is ‘enabled’ through equal access to opportunities without anyone being denied the opportunity to feel the change in life condition. Happiness is when every individual earn, live and grow through the given opportunity under shared national wealth without prejudice with equal access to opportunities. Happiness is when treated as deserving legitimate citizen and not as criminal for protecting the interest of the nation.

Happy individuals from happy life condition make a happy country. Although emotion cannot be measured, the impact of social and public policy on citizens can be assessed to measure happiness.

Author’s Note:

This piece is an outcome of exchange of thoughts and information via the internet interface. My recent published article on institution building touches upon the emotive aspect of governance in the Indian context that recently has been flushed with news of suicides. With increased trend of suicide in service, the subject on ‘happiness’ becomes most relevant sustaining productivity management in both private and public affairs. Western countries are well informed on the theory and practice and recent survey rated Scandinavian countries as the happiest countries. Surprisingly, Israel locked in Middle East crisis scored very high rank. The ratings revealed that happiness is not about GDP and money alone; it is about a feeling given and received. This writing is meant to warm up interest and generate discussion on such a critical aspect of governance based on emotions and human feelings. The article is written from my own experience and strengthened by current information on developments in governments across the globe with special attention to deeply troubled regions. The article is an opinion contributed by me as a creative resource to benefit readers of wide spectrum.

Happy 75th to your Dad! How about having some “oldies” going in the background and have tables arranged so there can be dancing going on after dinner? Or sending guests a form (well before the party, with instructions to get that form back to you), and have each person write down a good memory involving your Dad. He will cherish these. You can put the filled out forms into book form (or put nicely into a scrapbook) and he can look back on this and enjoy it for many years.

It might be fun to dig up some info from the year he was born and stand up, maybe in between courses and announce what the price of milk was in the year Dad was born, who was president, the most popular music, dance, etc.

Some trivia games (with small prizes awarded to winners, perhaps), perhaps historical questions (again, around your dad’s year of birth) or seeing who can answer the most questions about your Dad (questions can be as simple as his favorite food, color, favorite vacation, that type of thing).

Celebrating such a milestone is always a lot of fun. It’s a time to reflect on the years past and share all the memories the family and friends have of the guest of honor.

Family trivia questions with dividing up the guests into teams can be lots of fun, and if you are someone you know are technically savvy you can put together slide show/video of his life from the begging until now…choose songs that fit the era the photos are from.

Get the entire family involved by making some very special memories for your dad. Ask each child and/or grandchild to write a one-page memoir of his or her most special memories. Then put them into a scrapbook and display it on a table for all to see. Guaranteed he will still be looking at it years to come.

You might want to have someone with a digital or Polaroid camera take photos of the guest in their black and white garb…in a simple white frame they have a nice little souvenir of the party.

To follow the theme you might do a short trivia game, teaming up guests, 3 to 4 to a team. Make all the questions about your wife ranging from very easy to impossible to answer. Guests get into a very competitive mood and have a lot of fun trying to answer the most questions correctly.

At the “sound of the bell” or time’s up whistle teams pass their answer sheet to the team to the right (does this sound a lot like school??) and the answers are corrected. Prizes for the team that gets the most correct. Trivia questions should be from her childhood (family and oldest friends can answer those) her school days, her work days, and her current life. About 20 questions are good.

Those are both activities that are fun and memorable. Then with the visiting, music, food and drink you will have a beautiful beach party.

A yoga life is meant to be to a simple life, free from attachments and with a mind that can transcend the 5 senses to experience living from the 6th sense of intuition. But yoga in our life, in the mainstream, can be quite complicated. Which type of yoga should I do? Can I afford it? How do I learn it? Who do I learn from? If is is a spiritual practice why do I have to pay for it? Today I got an e-newsletter that have the 10 top yoga clothing designers to choose from. Yikes! Now we have to afford yoga clothes and a “yoga look” as well?

Pahtanjali’s Yoga Sutras give us many insights into what yoga is ii:42 states ” Owing to contentment, there is an unexcelled attainment of happiness” and Yogi Bhajan told us that happiness is our birthright.

The truth is that our lives feel more and more complicated. Maybe this is why so many turn toward yoga. Stress levels are up, people are taking anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills and sleeping medications to cope with their everyday lives. The pressures of these times are reflected in our economy, our healthcare system, our health problems and our lives.

The world is no longer a simple place. The economy is global. We are all made aware of the need to return to a simpler way of living to save our planet- our air, water, food supplies and all the living species. Many yogis are jumping on the bandwagon of the trend but are we really heeding the message in our own lives? Many are, in little ways, and in big efforts. Linda Rowe, the yoga teacher in Houlton, Maine built a home with her husband David that was totally green, using solar and compost toilets. The home is beautiful and built with the help of friends and proof that you don’t need a big budget to be green.

Being on a budget is actually a great way to live more simply. We often create less waste and excess this way. If you do not have the budget for ongoing yoga classes, take a few to get started, see if you can volunteer or barter for some classes. Ask the teacher for a home routine. Purchase a DVD for home practice or take a book or video/DVD out of the library. The best and most basic practice in yoga are sun salutations.(see end of article for description) While it is great fun to challenge yourself to more than this, with a few sun salutations a day you can develop a practice that will give you more flexibility and strength. Adding some pranayam to your practice makes you realize the full potential of the breath to deliver life giving prana to our cells, internal organs and systems. As we breathe deeply we momentatily can free our mind from the attachments to things we think we are missing in our lives, unfulfilled dreams and desires, and just be free in the moment. A yoga practice can be very simple to have profound effects. Slowing the breath, suspending and retaining the breath, can all change patterns in our way of thinking, feeling and being. We may not be able to control certain externals in our lives but with yoga we can learn to control our mind, body, breath and our reactions to things. It all seems a bit simpler in those moments.

In a yogi life we also practice nonharming and being truthful. This truly makes life simpler, living aunthentically, not having to watch your back or remember some lie you told someone! We can carry that from noninjuring ourselves in our physical practice ( who said we have to push ourselves into impossible postures?) to the words we say to others and ourselves. Are we really making our lives more complicated than we need to just by what we say and think? We might sit in silence for a few minutes following the flow of our breath and ask ourselves what we might be able to change to not make life so complicated!

The fact is that human beings are complicated, each and every one of us, but it is how we handle all our components- emotional, physical, mental, psychological, spiritual- that helps us create the physical and mental balance yoga reaches for. We can create rituals to make our practice support a balanced life but also need to allow ourselves to be flexible too. If you feel guilty and angry at yourself for not exercising more or meditating more, or at the exact same time everyday, this will only cause more stress and imbalance.

No matter who we are and how much we practice we live in this world. We have real problems. With yoga we have asana to purify the body. We have tools to help our mind see things more clearly so we can live simply. Yoga is an art and a science. Ultimately yoga is to help us to strive to be more happy. Yoga has become so popular that some teachers are reaching the masses and are real money making machines. Perhaps the teachers who are not reaching the masses, catering to the star system our culture so thrives on, are the ones living more simply like the yogis of old. That is for our hearts to decide, and theirs. Whatever form it takes and whatever speaks to you, yoga is a practice that can lighten your load and make life seem a little easier.

Here is a meditation for inner tension and stress:

The fingers relate to the brain so see if you can do this hand position as specified and keep it through-out.

Place your hands like a lotus flower in front of the middle of your chest.

Let the pinkies and thumbs (tips) meet each other on each hand.

Let the three middle fingers on each hand come together and be straight up. They DO NOT touch the pinkies or thumbs.

Close your eyes down to one tenth open, looking at the tip of your nose (this fixes your mind)

Inhale through the nose

Exhale through the mouth

Inhale through the mouth

Exhale through the nose

Keep concentrating on creating this pattern of breathing for 11 minutes as you keep the hands in the position and the eyes fixed at the tip of the nose the whole time (it is best to use a timer).

At the end inhale through the nose, close the eyes, hold the breath in and then let it out when you need to. Repeat this two more times.

Relax the hands down and take a few moments to sit or lie down and observe the way you feel.

Sun Salutations: There are many variations on these but this is a basic one. All breathing is through the nose.

1-Stand with feet close and parallel, hands by your side, feel the flow of your breath.

2-Bring hands together at the middle of the chest.

3-Inhale bring arms straight up and let palms meet (or not) and drop head back if it is comfortable for your neck.

4-Exhale and fold the body in half, letting the head drop and bringing the hands to the floor (if you can, hands are right beside and outside of your feet)

5-Inhale and step the right foot back, letting the knee be down or up.

6-Left foot is between the hands until you inhale it back to meet the right.

Keep breathing and hold plank (front push up position) for a few moments.

7-Drop the knees to the floor and carefully bring your body to the mat (belly down) on an exhale.

8-Bring hands under shoulders and inhale lift the chest, being careful to keep the shoulders down and back, and lift head slightly if that is OK for your neck (this is cobra).

9-Hold pose for a breath or two and then inhale onto your hands and knees.

10- On the next inhale raise the tail-bone toward the ceiling into down dog, spread fingers wide and press heals of the feet and hands (as well as the fingers) into the floor. (body looks like an inverted V).

Stay here up to 5 long deep breaths through the nose.

11-Inhale bring the right foot forward, exhale. (step or walk the foot forward between the hands).

12-Inhale bring the left foot forward, exhale knees are bent.

13-Inhale lift head, push lower back down and head up, starighten the legs now.

14-Exhale drop head to knees and lengthen spine as much as you can, keep legs straight if you can, bend if you need to (for those less flexible).

15-Inhale lift body and arms up, palms meet overhead (or not).

16-Exhale lower arms by your side.

That is one complete sun salute, Do 2- 3 minimum and up to 5 to begin. Now you have a simple yoga routine and a meditation! Do the sun salutations as a physical warm-up and then the meditation or simple breathing exercises sitting cross legged or in a chair with spine straight.

Good luck!

Donna (Amrita) Davidge has been teaching yoga since 1985 in NY City. In 1997 she opened Sewall House Yoga Retreat in Island Falls, Maine which offers guest an opportunity to learn and practice yoga in small noncompetitive classes, with personalized attention and in her great grandfather’s historic home, which offers an atmosphere of a simpler time with the beautiful antiques and energy of her ancestors. Her husband Kent Bonham is the chef, musician and oversees the work study program at the retreat. [http://www.sewallhouse.com/info]@sewallhouse.com with yoga questions, retreat questions. 888-235-2395.

“It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.”–Somerset Maugham

An educated, successful, and attractive woman (we’ll call Jane) reports that she “really wants to get married.” When asked what she’s looking for in a husband, her response is a blank stare. She just wants a husband, she says. She’s already picked out her engagement ring.

Most of her friends are married or getting married, and she’s sick of her mother’s weekly calls announcing the weddings of her grammar school classmates. She’s tried speed dating and singles’ dances. She’s made plans for drinks, only to endure the humiliation of being stood up more than once. She’s had blind dates, which invariably end with her getting out of some man’s car and hoping he’ll call again. He usually doesn’t, and she wonders what is wrong with her. She never considers whether she even liked the guy.

She has made marriage her goal. She may achieve it one day, but she’d be so much better off if she made a happy marriage her goal. She must rub the vision of herself in a Vera Wang wedding dress out of her mind. First, she must determine the qualities she desires in a husband, and also exactly what she expects from marriage. Otherwise, she could end up with the wrong man. The consequences range from a life of misery to death at the hands of an abuser.

Another woman (we’ll call Pat) has been married for twenty years. Her husband buys himself presents for her birthday, like the soap dish and wine glasses he wanted but she didn’t. More insultingly, he gave her Dr. Laura’s new book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

He has a rotten temper. Once, he threw their toddler’s Barney furniture off the back deck and smashed it into pieces because it cluttered the kitchen.

Pat complains that her husband monitors her spending relentlessly. He pitched a fit when she spent $2.95 on a pencil sharpener. He decides when the heat and air conditioning can run and at what temperature. One brutally hot day, he screamed at her for having the audacity to turn on the ceiling fan without his permission.

Pat maintains that her children love their father, but they don’t like him. They steer clear of him whenever possible, especially since his method of punishment is to lock them in a room and make them listen to Dr. Laura.

She and her husband both have good jobs, but she is “much better educated” than he. So, how did she get stuck with this creep?

Pat met him when she was 23. He was 29 and from another part of the country, which made him seem worldly. She was so flattered to be with an older guy, so caught up in having fun, that she forgot to take account of his values.

“He used to talk about how his grandfathers ruled the roost,” she says. “All the women in their family were beholden to their husbands. He even used to tell me the things his grandfather would do to his grandmother.”

This man told her flat-out that his family diminished women, but she was having too good a time to let it sink in. Twenty years later, she’s depressed, frightened, and unhappy. She has no self-confidence. Even though she has a good job, she is terrified to go it alone without her husband. She’s a prisoner.

Unless Jane raises her standards, she may find herself in Pat’s situation one day. She must stop being desperate. She should make a list of the good qualities she has to offer and read it whenever she starts to feel bad about not being married. She should make a list of the qualities she desires in a husband (“kind” should trump “rich”). Reading this list several times a day will help her attract men with these qualities.

She must stop viewing every guy she dates as a potential husband. She must observe a man coolly, rather than cling to him as if he’s the last bus out of the depot.

It’s critical that she listen carefully when a man talks about other women. Does he look up to his mother, or is does she still make his bed? Does he treat his sisters with respect, or is their main purpose in life making the potato salad? How does he talk about the women in his office? If his boss is female, does he resent her?

It’s key to see how he behaves among other men, as well. Is he always playing “top it” with the bigger car, the bigger TV, or the bigger whatever? If so, Jane should tread carefully. He’s insecure. Eventually, he’s going to take it out on her.

Women can learn much about a man by the way he drives. Does he tailgate? Does he weave in and out of traffic, or is he respectful of other motorists? Does he drive considerately in residential neighborhoods, or does he blaze through? Does he toss burger wrappers out the window at stoplights, or does he treat public property as he would his own?

It doesn’t matter whether Jane is 17 or 65. She must never make excuses for a man’s bad behavior because he might be her last chance. She must shut off the brainwashing machine. No woman ever has to get married! The single life can be fun and full of adventure. No woman should ever give that up for the wrong man. Marriage does not always equal happiness. Marriage does not always equal success.

But, if Jane plays her cards right, it could. Once she raises her standards for the men she’ll go out with, better men will appear. (This is a promise.) She won’t have to jump through hoops to find dates. The losers, abusers, and No-Show Joes she used to put up with will disappear. They’ll sense that she’s out of their league.

Jane will be on her way to finding not just a husband, but also a man who makes her happiness as important as his own.