Jean-Paul Sartre is perhaps the most important philosopher of the 20th century with a rich life as a philosopher, playwright, and social activist. He is the Existentialist of the 20th century having coined the word and forming its school of thought from its historic divergent sources including Nietzsche and Kierkegaard. Today, Existentialism and Sartre’s philosophy permeates the way we see the world and how we understand each other.

His masterpiece was Being and Nothingness, a monumental philosophical work. Its essence can be summarized in one statement. You are what you are not and are not what you are. A paradoxical statement indeed. So, what does he mean?

Throughout time, human beings have always wondered the relationship between their freedom and their fixed determination. Every adolescent grows up wondering what are the bounds of his freedom? What is the relationship between one’s being and past with one’s freedom and future?

If you believe that the past determines your future, that there’s nothing you can possibly do then you’re labeled as fatalist. You have no hope in being able to change your life.

If you believe that you can achieve anything then you will be labeled as a hopelessly, naive dreamer.

Sartre argued that all people have an absolute freedom to choose their lives. In any and every situation, there is always a choice on how one acts. Even if the choice is between succumbing to coercion or death. He is not arguing that all people have omnipotent power to do anything they wish or achieve anything they desire. Rather, Sartre argued that human beings are always held in a tension between their facticity and their freedom. Facticity defined as the facts of one’s life that can never be changed such as one’s birthplace, one’s parents, or one’s genes. Facticity is what constitutes our situation, it is the starting point from where we live our lives of freedom.

Facticity or the past does not determine our future though. Facticity does shape the opportunities we may be presented with. But the future is never set in stone. Even on the pain of death, we can still resist and assert our freedom. Imagine the last scene from Braveheart where William Wallace cries out, “FREEDOM!” while being tortured to death.

Each person plays an indispensable role for determining the meaning of his or her actions and situations. In-itself, no person is good or evil. No situation is absolutely good or wrong. Human beings are source of values.

However, this is not solipicism or relativism. Not at all. Sartre was an absolute moralist in so far as he believed there were absolute morals such as unjustified killing is wrong. These morals are intuitively understood and accepted by all human beings. I would argue that all of us share enough commonalities as human beings that these morals naturally developed in our genes and in our minds. Each of us understands the human right to life, food, and work.

When evils do occur, it is because people label another person as non-human or sub-human. They deprive another person of their human being and instead label them as animals or objects.

Ultimately, taking up the responsibility of one’s freedom means being the author of one’s own life at every moment. It means understanding that I am the sole judge of what this action or this event means to me. It means accepting that I always have a choice of what I do even if I don’t get to choose the opportunities presented to me.

Does this sound familiar? I would say it’s how we all think today but often forget in times of adversity.

There are many different varieties of Aloe Vera including Forever Freedom. It is specially formulated for those in need of MSM and would help anyone with joint problems and those who work out a lot. This is due to the healing properties of Aloe Vera and the MSM’s ability to repair cartilage. The following are further benefits to drinking Aloe Vera Juice – Forever Freedom.

10. Beauty Aid

The soothing qualities of Aloe Vera Gel are legendary! Tap into your own bottle of Forever Freedom and see why aloe vera gel has been used for centuries to soothe and promote healthy skin. The skin replenishes itself every 21 to 28 days. With daily utilization of the nutritional building blocks found in aloe vera gel, the skin is supported to combat the effects of aging by allowing it to create and maintain new and healthy cells. With its unique formula of added vitamin C, your skin is given a blast of antioxidants to help it look and feel its best!

9. Weight Manager

Aloe vera juice naturally, and with regular use, helps support the body’s ability to detoxify. Aloe vera juice taken regularly helps support the digestive system and proper metabolism, in turn allowing energy levels to increase, and thus helping to facilitate a healthy and ideal body weight. Enjoy your daily helping of Forever Freedom knowing that health is all you have to gain!

8. Digestive Aid

A healthy digestive tract helps ensure that nutrients from the foods we eat are absorbed into the blood stream where they can do us the most good. Drinking aloe vera gel daily may help to improve bowel regularity and increase nutrient absorption as it simultaneously supports the growth of good bacteria and yeast. Aloe vera juice has also demonstrated its ability to soothe digestive discomfort. Forever Freedom is your digestive system’s little secret to absorbing all the goodness it needs.

7. Mineral Source

No matter how healthfully people think they eat, their diets may still be woefully low in essential minerals. This is particularly true as we age because our needs actually increase. Some of the minerals found in aloe vera gel include calcium, sodium, iron, potassium, chromium, magnesium, manganese, copper and zinc. Be your own hero and support and strengthen your aging and active body.

6. Vitamin Source

Aloe vera juice already contains many of the essential vitamins you need daily, like vitamins A, B1, B2, B3 and B6 as well as vitamin E. Forever Freedom further enhances aloe vera gel by adding vitamin C, because unlike most mammals we humans can’t make our own – and getting sufficient amounts is an absolute fundamental of good health! Some benefits of vitamin C are fighting free radicals, boosting immunity, forming collagen, and speeding cold recovery.

A study by the National Institutes of Health recommends aging adults get even more milligrams than their younger counterparts. Get your daily boost of vitamin C and take advantage of its pairing with aloe vera gel to allow for maximum absorption!

5. Delicious Goodness

Forever Freedom is a delicious and nutritious orange-flavored drink that goes down smoothly and refreshingly. Its great taste and ability to help maintain proper joint function will leave you invigorated and looking forward to your next serving. You may just keep this healthful habit forever…your body knows you should!

4. Body Building

Amino acids are our body’s building blocks; eight, which are essential and cannot be made by the body, are found within aloe vera gel. If your body is deficient in essential amino acids, sooner or later this will become apparent. Make an investment in your future and drink a toast to yourself today with Forever Freedom.

3. Immune Strengthening

Aloe vera juice provides natural support for the immune system. Since the immune system works around the clock protecting the body, Forever Freedom, with its natural immune enhancers, gives the body an ongoing support system from which to draw. Drinking two to four ounces daily helps give your immune system the boost it needs. With Forever Freedom’s added vitamin C, your immune system is given a fighting chance.

2. Super Soothing

Aloe vera gel has 12 natural substances that have shown to be soothing. Forever Freedom’s further genius is in adding MSM, a primary source of bio-available sulfur the body needs to maintain healthy connective tissues and joint function. Numerous studies have shown that sulfur levels in unhealthy joints are lower than in healthy joints. MSM may help by delivering sulfur to the areas where it is needed.

1. Freedom of Movement

As the body ages, it is less able to produce the natural elements of healthy cartilage, which may lead to diminished mobile joint functioning. Forever Freedom takes the leading substances, Glucosamine Sulfate, Chondroitin Sulfate and MSM, known to help maintain the structure and health of cartilage by keeping this natural “shock absorber” well lubricated. Forever Freedom is aptly named. Get the joint freedom you desire and all the goodness of aloe in a unique and easy-to-use formula with your joints in mind.

You’ve read 10 amazing reasons to drink Forever Freedom ranging from its beauty enhancing properties, weight management capabilities to the ability to create the freedom of movement.

If you ask your separated husband how he is feeling during your separation, you’re often hoping for phrases like: “lonely,” “depressed,” or “confused.”

So when instead you get a response like “liberated,” it not only hurts, it’s very confusing as well. It can make you wonder if it’s even going to be possible to save your marriage when your husband seems to be enjoying the separation.

Someone might ask: “to be honest, I am the one who brought up the idea of a separation. Although looking back, I think that what I really wanted was for my husband to tell me that not only did he not want a separation, but that he loved me and that he was going to rise to the occasion to work things out. I never thought that he would actually go through with it and I certainly never thought that he would enjoy it, but he has. The first clue that something was wrong was that he stopped calling me as often. And when we did talk, he never seemed to have time to really talk for a longer period of time. Finally, I asked him how he liked the separated life. I was hoping he would say that he didn’t like it very much at all. But his response was ‘it’s so liberating.’ I was shocked and I asked him to elaborate. And he said that it’s easier to be happier in life when he only has to worry about one person. He says he feels a sense of freedom knowing that he doesn’t have to walk on egg shells anymore. This hurts me. I never anticipated that he would enjoy the separation. I want to say something to change his mind, but I don’t know what. How do I address this?”

Be Careful Of Desperate Responses: Admittedly, this is a tricky one. Because many of the responses that seem logical here might sound desperate. Options like: “well it must be nice to have no responsibilities,” or “I hope that you don’t mean that because I am devastated and want you to want our marriage again,” sound either sarcastic or born out of desperation. So they may not get the result that you want and may even make things worse.

Know That He May Have Specific Motivations For Portraying Himself In This Way Before I get to a suggestion as to what you could say to open a positive dialog, I want to suggest that your husband could have other motivations in telling you that he feels liberated, other than just innocently trying to share his feelings. He may want you to think that he’s doing great because he is hurt that you pushed for a separation. Because he is feeling a little rejected, he may think that you deserve to feel a little negatively also.

People aren’t always honest about their experience during the separation. There were certainly times in my own separation where I wanted my husband to think that I was doing much better than I actually was. I don’t consider myself a dishonest person, but sometimes, there is a little strategy involved.

I am not saying that you should not take your spouse at face value or that you should automatically assume that he is not being truthful. I’m just telling you that sometimes, not everything a separated spouse says is going to be completely accurate, even if it is not their intention to lie.

Opening The Door To A Positive Conversation: Back to possible conversations to have about this. Know that one option is saying nothing at all and just waiting to see if things are going to change. Sometimes, your spouse just needs time to miss you and nothing is going to short-change this other than to just give it more time. So you want to be careful about opening a door if you really don’t need to.

If you do that and don’t see results or for some reason you don’t want to wait, then I would try a conversation that doesn’t sound judgmental or desperate. A suggestion might be: “well I admit that this wasn’t what I was hoping or expecting to hear. But I can see where a break from the drama and tension might feel like a relief. I can understand that. But in the days to come, the way that we feel may change. I’d like to ask you to be open and honest with me. My hope is that we keep communicating and keep being honest. Because my ultimate goal is for us to improve our marriage during the separation and not to damage it. Can we commit to regularly communicating? I won’t try to make you feel guilty or bad. I just want to stay in touch.”

What do you have more of in your life? Responsibility or freedom? What is currently closer to your reality?

Are you a person who wakes up at 6, leaves the house at 7, rushes to get coffee, drives to work, works from 9 to 5, gets home, neglects to spend much time with the family, does some paperwork, watches some TV, then goes to bed at 12…?

Or are you more of a person who wakes up past noon, forgets to eat breakfast, turns on the TV, then calls some friends on the phone, goes on the internet afterward, eats some dinner as the main supply of food during the entire day, watches more TV, and uses the internet before falling asleep at 3 AM?

The first person has way too much responsibility on their hands, while the other one has too much freedom on their hands. One has to worries about always staying sharp, competitive, and ahead of his business while the other worries about what to do in the next hour. The key is that these things go hand in hand. The more responsibility one has, the less freedom they will have. The more freedom one has, the less responsibility that will have. And you know what? They both lead to miserable lives.

If you have too much responsibility, you won’t have the freedom to enjoy the pleasures of life. Everything you do will be work, work, and more work causing unhealthy stress; all while time will pass by you unknowingly.

If you have too much freedom, you will become lazy and bored. You won’t know what to do next and won’t have any goals in life to motivate you, which will also cause stress and wasted time passing by as well.

If you want more freedom, you must take responsibility for your life. You can’t just complain about how you don’t have enough freedom because you somehow happen to be locked up in the same house as your parents, whom never stop nagging at you because you don’t have a job. You can’t complain if you have a professor who doesn’t speak good English and blame them for your bad test grades. You can’t complain if you are single, depressed, lonely and wishing for somebody to arrive at your doorsteps and sweep you off your feel. If you want more freedom, you must take responsibility for your own life!

If you find that the more balance your responsibility is with your freedom, it is a sign of a person who is taking charge of their life as well as earning their freedom.

Absolute freedom, however, does not also account for a happy life. Some people who are rich in the world still don’t spend their money wisely because they let their freedom take over their life, while forgetting about responsibility. They go back to being in debt or even finding themselves bankrupted. Many famous celebrities have gone through this unfortunate route.

A personal example of this is in high school, I woke up at 7 everyday and had class at 8, had lunch at the same exact time, and classes lasted until 2:30. Then being on a sports team such as basketball, tennis, and cross country, I often did not find myself coming home before 4 or 5 o’clock. When I did get home, I watched about one hour of TV, ate dinner, did homework, went to sleep at 11 and woke up the next day at 7. This was the typical, monotonous, yet disciplined, lifestyle of a high school student.

The summer before college, I was scared and anxious since it was the first time I was going away from my parents’ house, experience what it would be like to have real “freedom.” During the first year, I had classes randomly – sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon – classes were every other day and never lasted more than 4 total hours per day, I ate whatever I wanted, and usually went to sleep pass way pass midnight chatting with my hall mates or staying on the computer. I was absolute freedom I finally thought! But my GPA sank to an all time low!

Even though I had a lot more freedom in college, I did not balance it with the responsibility required, thus my grades suffered dramatically and it took a while before I had to maintain better working habits in order to boost it back up. Nevertheless, I enjoyed college a lot more since high school always put you at its place and really limited you from experience life that for the first time, really tested your ability to be responsible.

Whether your scenario one of academics, social life, work life, or a life where you lay around doing nothing, it is important to balance out freedom and responsibility. To get more freedom, you have to be responsible for your actions instead of complaining, worrying, or blaming others. It’s all up to you. If have too much freedom, whether it’s freedom of time or freedom of money, be responsible with it as well, for you may see yourself losing some or all of it in the near future or in as quick as a snap.

Your wife wants her freedom. That doesn’t really coincide with the two of you living a long and happy life together, does it? What are you supposed to do when the woman you love and have vowed to spend your life with tells you that she wants her freedom? It’s a shock but it’s not the end of your marriage as you know it. You can take some steps right not to change things so the last thing she wants is any distance from you. As challenging as it is to not overreact when your wife makes an announcement like this, you have to try and temper your response and do what needs to be done to save your marriage.

If your wife wants her freedom you need to address that head on. Pretending that she’s just upset about an argument you two have had or that she’s hitting her mid life crisis isn’t going to help you in the least. This is not an instance in which you want to be burying your head in the sand. Your wife’s desire to have some space or distance is a clear sign that her needs aren’t being met in the marriage anymore. Since you are her partner it’s up to you to fix this by any means possible. That means taking control of the situation and finding a resolution that works for you both.

Ask her where her need for time apart is coming from. Listen to her explain what she’s feeling and allow her to do so without fear that you’re going to interrupt and get defensive. This is going to be one of the most important conversations the two of you ever have so it’s essential that you’re calm and willing to hear what she has to say. Some women feel they need their freedom because they just aren’t appreciated within their marriage anymore. Other women feel as though they’ve missed out on part of their life by getting married too young or because they’ve devoted much of their life to their family. Although you may view these as selfish reasons for your wife to want a time out from your marriage, they are important reasons to her.

Suggest that you two stay together and work on the issues that are troubling you together. Make it clear to your wife that she’s the most important person in your world and you’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy and satisfied. If she’s still insistent on wanting her freedom, work together to come to an agreement about her having more time for herself. Perhaps a couple of nights out during the week with her friends will help her feel more balanced or maybe she wants to get back into her career full time. If you’re open to her suggestions for how she can find more fulfillment, you’ll be showing her that she can have her freedom and her marriage too.

Freedom is a very powerful word. Webster’s dictionary defines freedom in many different ways, but this is the one that really stuck out to me. Freedom is the state of being free – liberated from slavery, restraint or the power of another. When I read this definition, the Bible verse Acts 12:7 ran through my mind– And, behold, the angel of the Lord came upon him, and a light shined in the prison: and he smote Peter on the side, and raised him up, saying, Arise up quickly. And his chains fell off from his hands. Can you imagine the delight in Peter’s heart as those chains released his hands and he was no longer in captivity?

You too have the opportunity to escape captivity and live in freedom for the rest of your life. Can you imagine actually being free financially, spiritually, socially, emotionally and physically? For most people that seems completely unrealistic, but I’m here to tell you it can be your reality. Remember, inside the word impossible is possible. It is possible for you to have freedom in every area of your life!

In the United States, we observe Independence Day on the fourth of July. There are fireworks exploding in the air across America in celebration of our freedom, which was made possible by the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776. When that document was signed, it was “declared” that America was free. Let me ask you a question. When will you declare your independence? When will you declare your freedom? Before you can achieve it, you must believe it so say it out loud now… I DECLARE THAT I AM FREE IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE! THE SHACKLES ARE GONE! I AM FREE!

After you declare that you are free, you need to understand exactly what freedom is to you. If you don’t know what it is, then how are you going to achieve it? What is freedom to you? I’m going to break down each letter of the word F-R-E-E-D-O-M, and I want you to visualize what it really means to you.

The first letter in the word freedom is ‘F’, which stands for focus. Are you focused on being free in every area of your life? If not, then you need to shift your focus and become focused on your freedom. Most people don’t become truly free in their lives, because they are comfortable or simply aren’t courageous enough to stretch themselves beyond their current life boundaries. Take advantage of getting uncomfortable and stretching yourself, because to be free you have to do things differently than most people.

Just imagine standing inside of an average size circle every single day. Your current job, friends, habits and overall way of life are also in the circle. Can you feel it getting tight? Don’t you have the urge to step outside the circle? Now, imagine extending your foot, stepping outside of the circle and feeling an ultimate sense of relief. You have room to move and make decisions that you couldn’t make inside that circle. Sadly, you will never get to leave that circle because it’s the limit that you’ve placed on your life unless you make the decision get focused on your freedom and stretch yourself outside of your comfort zone.

Whatever you focus on everyday will determine whether or not you achieve freedom in your life. One of the main objectives that you should focus on is taking advantage of every single minute in your day. If you are scheduled and plan your day, then you are forging forward towards freedom. On the other hand, if you lay in bed at night, reflect back on your day and have no idea what you did all day long, then you are allowing time to take advantage of you. I often hear people say, “I have no idea where the time went.” It’s one of those moments when I have to bite my tongue, because I want to tell that person that they are wasting their time instead of investing it.

Time is our biggest form of currency so we must spend it wisely. If you focus on freedom and invest your time wisely, then you are one day closer to being free instead of remaining entrapped. While working with one of my coaching students, I asked her to show me her planner. I wanted to know where she was investing her time, because she was stuck in a rut. Surprisingly, she had every single minute of her day scheduled. This woman knew where she was every minute of the day and led an extremely busy lifestyle. However, I looked closer at the actual activity and saw the issue. I explained to her that just because she was active didn’t mean that she was productive. She filled her day with meaningless tasks that created activity instead of accomplishment. Just because your calendar is full doesn’t mean that you are investing your time wisely. I encourage you to sit down and take a good look at where you’re spending your time and how some of those insignificant, waste of time activities are pushing you further away from your freedom.

Another determining factor in whether or not you become free is what you actually look at on a daily basis. I love to take photos with other champions at events and have built a Why wall in my office in South Florida. This wall is filled with not only pictures but also letters, art, cards and many more positive, inspirational things that I have received from people all over the world. In my home office or as I prefer to call it my “construction zone”, I have pictures of my own dreams and goals. I focus on these things every day as I sit in my construction zone and build my business. No matter the obstacle that I encounter, I’m constantly reminded of my Why in life, because I see it in front of me.

What are you looking at? If your answer to that question is “nothing”, then that’s exactly what you are doing to achieve freedom in your life…NOTHING. In my favorite book, The Bible, it states that a man without a vision will perish. Another way of saying it is that a person without focus in pursuit of his dream will fail. I cringe when see someone reading those garbage books and magazines that highlight all the gloom and doom in the world. Can you really expect to achieve freedom in your life if you are focusing your mind and eyes on that trash? I challenge you to throw out the garbage and start reading positive, inspirational material. You can also take it a step further and hang some pictures of your dreams and goals in your construction zone. You won’t believe how quickly your results will skyrocket when your focus is shifted!

If you’re saying, “That sounds easy. All I have to do is organize my planner and hang a few pictures then I will be focused on achieving freedom in my life.” YOU ARE WRONG! It’s not a one step process. It’s daily focus in every area of your life. When I say that you have to be focused, I don’t mean that you just simply think about freedom sometime during the day. You need to be focused like a sniper with a laser pointed at his target…laser-focused! If you let anything or anyone distract you, then your target (freedom) will no longer be in sight.

Your husband wants more freedom. You can hardly believe what you’re hearing when he tells you this. After all, wasn’t giving up his “freedom” part of the deal when you two walked down the aisle and made your vows? There is so much room for misunderstanding when a man tells his wife that he wants more space or time for himself. You need to get clear on exactly what it is that he desires and then you need to develop a plan to save your marriage. Ignoring this is not the way to go if you are hoping to keep your relationship together.

Before you can do anything to rectify the situation you have to gain a clearer understanding of why your husband wants more freedom. If he tells you that he feels suffocated within the relationship, that’s obviously a huge cause for concern. His definition of freedom may actually be a separation and then eventual divorce.

On the other hand, often when a many says he needs freedom he simply is referring to the fact that he wants more time to pursue his own hobbies or interests. It could be something as simple as hanging out with his friends a couple of times a month or going away on a fishing trip occasionally.

Sit down with your husband and talk about what he’s feeling and what he hopes to accomplish by having more freedom or space. This obviously won’t be any easy conversation for the two of you to have but it’s an important one. You need to gain some insight into what he’s feeling and how he sees your marriage in the future.

If it’s simply a case of him wanting more time for himself, embrace that. Many couples who have interests outside the marriage find they get along better and are closer. If he has hobbies that he’s pushed aside in favor of spending more time with you and the children, encourage him to jump back into doing those. You should do the same. It not only gives you each another thing to focus on but you’ll have more to share when you two do talk with each other.

Obviously, it’s a much different story if his idea of freedom is a separation so he can live his own life apart from you and your family. If that’s what is happening, you need to decide if allowing him the chance to live his life without you is something you’re willing to do. It’s terrifying when a husband says he wants some time for himself but quite often that time will actually be the trigger to help him see what he’s at risk of losing.

Work with your husband to find some middle ground and get talking to one another again. Your marriage wasn’t built overnight so don’t allow it to crumble into a million pieces in the blink of an eye.

Love is not an exclusive relationship; love is a quality and depth of being. Our outer relationships are a mirror of our basic inner relationship with ourselves. Relationships are a balance, a development and a dance between our male and female qualities. All people seek love, joy and harmony in their own way. We all want to be loved for who we are. We all want to be acknowledged and accepted for the unique individual we are. The problem in relationships arises when we seek our own center, our own source of love, in another person. We seek a source of love outside of ourselves.

The problem in relationships is that the other person also seeks after his own center, his own source of love, in the other person. In this way both persons will sooner or later feel disappointed and cheated, because of their expectation on the other person. It is first when we let go of the idea and expectation that the other person will give us the love that we do not have inside ourselves, that the base for a really loving, satisfying and meaningful relationship is possible. It is first when the relationship becomes a giving of love, instead of a taking of love, that the relationship becomes really nourishing and satisfying. As long as we look for the source of love outside of ourselves, we will eventually become disappointed and disillusioned.

It is first when we can relate from our inner being, from our inner center, from our inner source of love and truth, that relationships becomes really loving, creative and satisfying. It is first when we discover the source of love within ourselves, which is our true nature, that we can become really happy and satisfied. As long as we need another person to cover up our inner feeling of emptiness, to cover up our inner darkness and loneliness, the relationship will sooner or later end up in disappointment frustration and disillusioned expectations. It is first when we no longer need the other person to fill our inner emptiness, that we consciously can relate from our inner being, from the authentic self, from our overflowing inner source of love.

When relationships are based on the expectation that a partner should fill our inner emptiness, it is like offering an empty cup to our partner with the expectation that the partner should fill our empty cup – instead of overflowing from our inner being and filling our cup from within ourselves. The difference between acting out of our inner being, from our inner source of love, and acting out of our inner emptiness, is like the difference between acting out of light and darkness. I have noticed how much of my professional life – as a therapist and a course leader – that has been a way to fill my own inner emptiness and a way to receive love, acknowledgement and acceptance. I notice what a difference it is to be in contact with another person from a desire to get love from the other person or to be in contact with another person without any desire to receive anything from the other person.

When I can rest in my own inner source of love, it creates a joy and a relaxation in me. It also gives me the freedom to give others the space to be who they are in the moment. I have also learnt not to act when I am not in the light. I have learnt to wait to act until I am in the light again. I have noticed that when I can be in contact with myself – instead of reacting automatically and searching love outside of myself – I can witness my own inner feeling of emptiness, my own need of love from without myself. This awareness changes my need to look for love outside of myself and it makes my own inner source of love begin to flow from within myself. It is awareness and acceptance that allows me to be with myself and witness my own feeling of wanting love from without myself. It is like being with this feeling and embrace it like a mother embraces her child. This awareness and acceptance makes me come back to my own center, instead of seeking source of love from without myself. I also notice that the more I can accept both when am in the light and when I am in the dark, the more this awareness and acceptance makes more light than dark moments arise.

A key to relationships is to know the difference between when it is time to hold on and when it is time to let go. The criteria are the degree of joy and satisfaction that the relationship creates. If there is love and truth in the relationship, life will sustain the relationship by itself. If there are not love and truth in the relationship, it will change. Expectations are the basic problem in relationships. Expectations are ideas of I should be, how my partner should be and how the relationship should be. When the relationship does not fit with our preconceived ideas and expectations, we become disappointed.

When I told a beautiful woman who I had a relationship with that I loved her for the first time, she did not answer back that she also love me. Instead she was silent for a long time and then she said: “You are courageous to say that!” Her own truth was that she was not ripe at that moment to say that she also loved me. At that moment she was not ripe to take the commitment that it means to say to another human being that “I love you.” I had no expectation that she should say that she also love me. For me it was a giving without expecting anything in return. For me it was a way to overflow from my inner source of love and truth. Instead of asking if she loves me, it is simply more creative to ask myself if I love her. It is a sharing of my love – and then it is up to the other person what he or she wants to do with it. He or she does not have to do anything with it either.

What is the difference between the love pole and the freedom pole in relationships? Relationships are a balance between love and freedom, where often one partner chooses the freedom pole and the other partner chooses the love pole. The freedom pole means that the partner chooses his own freedom, independence and individuality before the relationship. The love pole means that the partner chooses love, to be together and the relationship. It is like the image that one partner is always trying to run away from the relationship, while the other partner is running after. Earlier I have almost always chosen the freedom pole in relationships, but in one of my latest relationships I found myself in the love pole as she continuously chose her own freedom and independence before the relationship. It did not bother me as I loved her and it was also a valuable meditation for me. But I could also see that if the relationship should be alive and develop, both partners need to have a basic commitment to the relationship. Both partners need to have a love for each other so that these two poles do not become a mechanical way of reacting. If there is love and truth in the relationship, life will sustain the relationship by itself. If there are not love and truth in the relationship, it will change.

Through learning to both be alone with ourselves and to relate in love with other people, we can easier appreciate and accept when life offers us periods of both love and aloneness. It also makes it easier to see when it is authentic to be alone with ourselves and when it is authentic to relate to other people. Some people cling to relationships to avoid meeting their own aloneness. Other people chose aloneness so that they do not have to relate with other people and risk being hurt or betrayed. Through learning to both be alone with ourselves and to relate with other people, it gives us a new freedom to relate to life. It gives us a new joy and freedom in both being happy and satisfied in our own aloneness and in relating with people in joy, acceptance, trust, friendship, humor, playfulness, understanding, compassion, silence, sincerity, freedom and a sense of oneness in love.

The human existence is characterized by freedom. And here, we are talking about two kinds of freedom – transcendental and categorical. Transcendental freedom is the kind of freedom that allows the human person to choose what direction in life he or she is willing to take. Simply put, he or she is given the chance to say yes or no to love, to say yes or no to God; to live a loving life or to live a sinful life. Categorical freedom is the kind of freedom that allows the human person to choose among the possible choices or options. Some examples are what Christian clothing design to choose, when and where to wear these clothing, and what type of clothing to wear. This freedom is what we use when we decide on simple things or acts. These two kinds of freedom are certainly different but interrelated.

The small choices we do in life accumulate to the point that every single one of them becomes a deciding factor in our lives. Choosing to do what is good instead of what is bad leads us to a good life, and eventually makes us a good person. Everything that we do now affects our growth as a person, our becoming. For example, if we wish to wear Christian clothing every day, we will certainly live a life dedicated to gentle conversion. If we wish to wear clothing to share our faith with people, we will certainly have a rich, fruitful religious life in the future. Or if we wish to further extend clothing to shoes or whatever, we will certainly be devoted to this life-changing movement.

As mentioned above, categorical freedom includes choosing the types of clothes to wear. Even this simple decision can reflect what kind of person we are. Are we the conservative ones that always wear long sleeved clothing? Are we the daring ones that always wear sleeveless hanging shirts? The repeated wearing of certain types of clothes affects our becoming for it helps us develop an image. With this image, our second nature is determined. And with this second nature, we become defined by the clothes we wear. That is, if we repeatedly wear clothing, we develop an image of devoted Christians. And thus, Christian clothing helps us make the life direction we want to take.

Knowing these, our fellow Christians develop a way to help us follow a good life by expanding our categorical freedom especially in the clothing we wear and the accessories we put on. By wearing Christian clothing, we are making a decision of being and becoming a child of God. It’s as if we are making the world a witness of our devotion to a good and loving life. And by constantly wearing clothing, we are reminding ourselves of what image we want to develop, and certainly what kind of life we want to lead.

Lately, I have found that freedom is very important when you love someone and want to have a long term relationship.

These days, it’s a REAL challenge to find a person with whom to share the rest of our lives. We are too busy to invest the time needed to nurture a long term relationship, nor do we spend enough time thinking about what’s most important to a strong partnership.

I think there a lot of things that need care in a relationship: Communication, Love, Respect, Commitment, Honesty… and Freedom is one of the most important. A free person is a person who has the power to act or speak or think by him/herself. True love allows us to follow our own path.

When we are in love, we tend to control the other person and expect them to do only the things we like. If this doesn’t happen, we are disappointed and feel angry or annoyed. When we fall in love we want to please the other person and “change” our freedom to do what they want. This is OK, but how long can we do this and remain happy? One week? One month? One year?

It takes time to realize that we are not happy just doing what our lovers want, and when we realize it, suffering occurs. The relationship starts to break off. We start to fight and blame the other person because we are not happy.

Who wants a relationship where there is no freedom to be ourselves? We want other person to love us like we imagine we want to be loved, which may not be the way our lovers may show us. We can have an image of the perfect partner and we know exactly how we want them to act. When we find a person we like, we bring our “dream character” to life… and our fantasy begins.

True love is unconditional but if we want our relationships to work, we can walk in our lovers’ shoes instead of imposing our own expectations on or trying to control them. Understand how they feel, who they are, what makes them happy, what their goals and dreams are. If they are happy with their own life and we’re happy with ours, then more possibilities exist for our relationships to work. We all have personal interests, desires, challenges and goals we want to accomplish. Instead of trying to change them – and change our lovers – be a part of those accomplishments, support our lovers and enjoy our relationships.

Here is what I affirm about my man: I want my man to have the freedom to choose what he wants, but he chooses me as his woman and lets me be an important part of his life… lol.