It is amazing how many people actually believe that ego is a bad thing. It seems today in our schools, colleges, and universities the teachers and professors are claiming that ego is not a good thing. That is absolutely nonsense, as ego allows someone to stand up against something that which is wrong. It allows someone to stand up against the crowd even when something bad is happening and they know better.

One of my biggest fears with socialism is that it leads to mob rule, and if you have ever studied history or seen what can happen when the mob gets out of control or starts rioting, you will see it has a mind of its own, and usually things turn from bad to worse. A good book to read on this subject is; “The Theory and Practice of Hell,” when groups get too large, they become stupid and they do dumb things.

If it is a group large like a society, they may elect the wrong person, they may demand more and more free things until the civilization can no longer afford what has been promised or demanded. Large groups like this know they can get their way when they band together speak out, protest, demonstrate, and riot. It goes from civil disobedience, to utter chaos and from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds flat.

There is nothing wrong with ego, there is always something wrong with an unearned ego. Someone that thinks they are better than everyone else, but has never done a single thing in their life to prove that they are. Unearned ego is dangerous, but ego in and of itself is not. Everyone has an ego and there’s nothing wrong with that, it is a completely normal thing.

No one should fill guilty for having an ego, a strong self confidence, or a high level of self-esteem. If they do, they should look in the mirror and know that all is well. Please consider this.

Most people, whose lovers become exes, think that they are the victims of their ego. They try to shift the blame for the ultimate break up on their exes. This is probably what defense mechanism means in psychological terms.

When you think that your ex is self-willed, obstinate and egoistic, it implies three possibilities.

One, you assume that the entire fault in causing the break up lies with your ex and that you remained silent and compliant all the time and that you are the victim of your ex’s willfulness.

Two, that you also made a mistake which you own up sincerely, but your ex thinks that he/she did not make any mistake at all.

Three, and this is where ego comes in true sense, your ex does inwardly feel that he/she made a mistake, either partially or fully, that contributed towards the breakup, but refuses to admit it openly because of ego problem. Since he/she has now taken a step or expressed an opinion, he/she considers it an insult to retrace it.

When one partner cannot reconcile to the attitude of his/her ex, he/she starts thinking of how to break his/her ex’s ego.

And what does the word ‘break’ imply? Does it not suggest that the so-called ‘victim’ is also an egoist in that he/she cannot see or does not wish to see the ex’s point of view or cannot empathize with him/her? Does it not imply that even though a ‘victim’, you are determined to ‘break’ your ex’s will? What, if your ex has the same opinion about you? What if your ex thinks that he/she is the victim of your highhandedness?

Before delivering judgment upon your ex, you must first be clear about your own your own attitude. You must introspect very objectively and dispassionately that indeed he/she is an egoist and you are not.

Once you honestly believe that your ex does not want to admit his/her mistake, you must know that no amount of argumentation is going to convince him/her to own it up. This is what ego is.

I think the best course is not to bear any ill will against your ex. You should not think in terms of ‘breaking’ his ego. Prayers, they say, can move the mountains. It does not matter if you do not believe in prayers etc. But you cannot dispute that the vibrations generated by the FOCUSED thoughts, affirmations, whether positive or negative can act powerfully. They are kind of moving and contagious. Our thoughts transmit themselves to those about whom we think.

The best way to ‘break’ your ex’s ego is to remain calm, caring, forgiving and positive. In practical terms, it means you can tell your ex; OK, if not lovers, we can still be friends. On your part, you should always be sincere, helpful and cordial with your ex. With a little bit of patience, his/her ego will surely break up.

How well, do you know, yourself? Are you, at peace, with, the inner – you? How often, do we state, someone, we know, or observe, is an egomaniac, because, of, how he articulates, something, etc? Is what we are witnessing, actually, ego, or, is it, more related to one’s lack of self – confidence, and/ or, self – doubt? Whatever the mind of man, can perceive and conceive, he can achieve! Isn’t that, the actual reason, most of us, proceed, as we do? While some argue, and disagree, about the cause, Groucho Marx, perhaps, stated it, best, It’s a matter of mind over matter, and if you don’t have a mind, it doesn’t matter! No doubt, it is often, challenging, for many of us, to differentiate between, ego, and self – doubt, this article will attempt to, briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, what this means and represents, and, why it matters.

1. Ego: What, actually, is ego? Freud stated ego, is what we think of our self, in an inner, self – searching manner! While, many refer to someone, as an egomaniac, because of his rhetoric, and/ or, behavior, the reality is, truly, self – confident people, who feel good, about themselves, don’t need, to be patted, on the back, by others! We often confuse ego, with insecurity, and needing to be complimented! It is wise, for each of us, to give ourselves, a check – up, from the neck – up, and know, our personal strengths, and weaknesses, in order to ensure, we become, the best, we might possibly be!

2. Lacking confidence/ self – doubt: When we doubt ourselves, we often, do so, because we lack confidence, and focus on our weaknesses, and self – doubt! When you believe in yourself, it isn’t necessary, or needed, to get compliments, etc, from others! Similarly, one with a positive, strong ego, believes in himself, and doesn’t have to tell others, how great he is! When one seems to brag, etc, it often indicates, a weaknesses, and lack of belief, in one’s personal worthiness, and quality!

If you hope, to become, and be, the best, you can, possibly, be, it’s important to know yourself, and like, what you discover! If you can’t do so, you will never develop the level of constructive, ego, which helps you, feel comfortable, in your own existence! Will you take the time and effort, to do so?

Do you get excited about being wanted by others? Perhaps it is evident in your career or within your personal relationships? How does it make you feel? Reflect on the feelings of as we delve deeper into this topic.

There’s no denying it, being wanted can boost our self-esteem and self-worth. We may feel better for it, but it is a false sense of worth manufactured by the ego to convince us of our worthiness. But let’s be clear, being wanted is not the same as being appreciated or valued, as I will outline below.

Consider this for a moment: the ego thrives on being seen and heard; it needs to be validated. Because if the ego doesn’t receive validation, we become depressed, angry, or emotionally deprived. It is why people are addicted to social media such as Instagram, where constant validation is common. But this is disingenuous admiration that feeds our ego without nourishing our soul.

Validation Must Come From Within

Reflect on this for a moment: Being wanted comes at a cost to our self-worth because we become accustomed to seeking praise instead of giving ourselves the validation we deserve. Are you with me so far? Nod your head in agreement that you understand the difference between being wanted and being valued. The Instagram influencers who thrive on social validation manufacture their lives to appeal to a certain audience. They are promoting a misleading way of life out of reach for many people. I don’t intend to demonise them but highlight why validation is a double-edged sword we can become addicted to.

To take this idea even further: There is a difference between being wanted and being valued, evident in the energy we give to something outside of us. The energy of being wanted drains our life-force because it is grounded in desire. We become addicted to the intoxicating emotions that feed our ego. But being wanted does not enhance our personal growth because we become addicted to having our self-worth substantiated by others. We surrender our power to someone who may misuse their power against us. Nothing outside of you can validate your self-worth. It must come from an enhanced self-worth and unyielding self-respect. These are the virtues of a healthy character and the foundations of noble virtues.

The final point I wish to emphasise is this: Being wanted is a self-serving pursuit which I liken to a one-way street; it only serves you. In contrast, being valued arises out of our commitment to serve others. Think about those in your community who perform honourable work, helping under-privileged groups. The value they provide is selfless and grounded in a dedication to serve others. You see, when we are valued for who we are and what we do, we connect with a deeper meaning and purpose for our life. Therefore, the meaning we ascribe to our actions arises from our commitment to enrich other people’s lives.

Are Your Relationships Self-Serving Or Self-Empowering?

Are you satisfied with these ideas because it’s important to understand the difference between being wanted and valued? If we place importance on being wanted alone, we create an imbalance in our relationships, awarding power to another person. Conversely, being valued is the foundation of our character and cannot be taken from us. In contrast, if someone stops needing us, our self-worth may diminish because we have entrusted it to them instead of owing it ourselves. Recall when you were in a relationship and your partner broke it off. Think about how you felt following the breakup? It may have taken you many months to get over them and challenged your self-worth. This is because we are social beings and crave meaningful connections. But we must recognise whether our relationships are self-serving or self-empowering.

Therefore, we ought to place greater importance on being congruent in our actions, our character, and self-worth. In doing so, we live harmoniously to uphold these values, given they are the bedrock upon which character is formed. Character cannot be taken from us because true character is revealed behind closed doors when no one is looking.

With this in mind, I’d like you to consider three important relationships in your life. Choose an intimate partner, if you are currently in a relationship, a professional relationship and a friend. Analyse each of them to see whether you are wanted or valued in the relationship. If you are unsure, ask them. Find out what qualities they value most in you? Why do they value these qualities amongst others?

In the long run, we must nourish our soul because it is the foundation of our true nature and indicative of the value we bring to other people’s lives. If we expect to form deeper connections in our relationships, we must transition from being ego-identified to soul centric (heart-based living). After all, being valued expands our self-worth and enhances our true character more than the validation that comes with being wanted.