The year was 1991. I was 24 years old and four months pregnant, but I wasn’t showing. I was three years into an abusive marriage, not physical, but mental abuse. I had been laid off from my previous job, and I needed this job. It was my first real job as a Paralegal. It was a time when you could smoke in the office, right at your desk. He was 33, was a lawyer, the head of the Legal department, and a vice president of the company.

I was at this job for ONE WEEK, and I had to work late. I was sitting at my desk, alone in my office and without a word, he walked in, grabbed my face, and started to kiss me. I was so shocked, paralyzed and unsure what to do; I just waited for it to be over.

It was over almost as soon as it started and he walked out of my office, and I wondered if I had imagined it all. I packed up my stuff for the day, left the office without a word, drove to my prenatal appointment, where my husband was waiting for me in the parking lot. Remember, our marriage was already on life support, but as soon as I saw him the first thing I did was kiss him. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to tell him, I was afraid to tell him, and I was shaking like a leaf.

He demanded I tell him what was going on, which shouldn’t be the first response when your wife kisses you, but it was in that relationship, so I told him. His reaction was anger. But the anger wasn’t initially directed at my boss, it was directed at me. How could you let something like this happen? What were you doing to encourage him to kiss you? After about what seemed like a lifetime of being yelled at, he finally said, I’m going to talk to him. I begged him not to say anything, we needed the job badly, I would take care of it, and we were going to be late for the doctor’s appointment.

The next morning after a half hour argument with my husband informing me I had BETTER take care of the situation, I drove to work wondering how in the world I was going to do just that. I nervously sat at my desk, alone in my office when he came in first thing. He started to say he was sorry and I just blurted out “I’m pregnant.” I was a paralegal, so I knew he couldn’t fire me and I was sure he wouldn’t do anything to a pregnant woman.

But he was slick, he had done this before, and he saw me as prey. I was vulnerable. I was starved for attention, compliments, and assurance that I was smart. He told me every day I was pretty and because I was really good at my job, he kept giving me bigger and bigger assignments. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, we were on the company’s private jet flying to a hearing that in reality, I had no business going to. That meeting ended up in a hotel room, and that was the beginning of a four-year affair.

I don’t remember who ended the affair really because it was a shit show in the end. I was getting ready to leave my husband, he was accused of embezzling money from the company, and I was under a cloud of suspicion, because “she was sleeping with him, how could she NOT know anything,” but I didn’t. His wife left him, he lost his license to practice law, he lost his house, but he managed to stay out of jail. I was left picking up the pieces of my life.

It took me years, and I do mean years, to find my self-worth. Through those years of I would hear about women who were victims of sexual harassment, but I never considered myself as one of those women. I wrestled with the fact that it turned into a long-term affair so how could it be sexual harassment and it was the story on CNN that made me pause and wonder. A story so similar to mine it brought up too many memories before I finished my morning coffee.

I’m still not willing to say I was a victim of sexual harassment, but I am willing to say this; NO woman should be sitting at her desk and have to worry about some random guy coming in and kissing her. NO woman should be made to feel worthless. NO woman should have to be afraid to report anything to her superiors, in fear of losing her job. NO woman should be afraid of telling her husband of the harassment because he would be angry with her.

Tell someone, it’s not right, and you didn’t do anything wrong.

You’re thirsty after working in the sun on a hot Saturday

afternoon. You head to the kitchen and pour yourself a cool

glass of water and gulp it back greedily. The immediate

effect is to cool you down, quench your thirst, and re-

hydrate your body.

But did you give any thought to what it’s doing to your

body? It’s true that doctors suggest we drink 8 glasses of

water a day, but if you don’t drink the right kind of water,

it can have a harmful effect on you!

Wait a minute, you say: “The right kind of water???” How

many kinds of water are there?

The answer is: several! Water is not just a colorless liquid

that quenches our parched tongues. Water is a necessary part

of life and not just for keeping us hydrated. Most people

don’t know that water contains other properties that allow

you to live a healthy life:

1. Your water is supposed to deliver essential

nutrients and minerals needed to live. For example, calcium,

magnesium, potassium and trace elements — which doctors

recommend we take in — can be found in some drinking

waters, but not all. Are you spending an arm and a leg on

supplements to ensure you’re getting these minerals when

instead you can get them simply and cheaply by drinking the

right kind of water?

2. Your water should help balance out the acidic state

of your body. Simply put, our bodies’ tissues produce waste

that is acid in nature. When these acid wastes accumulate —

because of pollutants, modern diet and stress — our tissues

slowly deteriorate. Chronic diseases such as cancer,

arthritis, diabetes and osteoporosis are associated with

this acid condition. Water should help balance out our

acidic state by being alkaline.

3. Like a natural stream, your water should have

antioxidant properties. Oxidization hastens cell breakdown,

while foods with antioxidant properties prevent it. You

don’t need anyone to tell you that you want a body that

generates cells, not destroys them!

4. Your water should be free of contaminants. Many

people are shocked to learn that there can be over 2000

contaminants in an ordinary glass of tap water.

So aside from quenching your thirst, water should also be

full of minerals, be alkaline, and be antioxidant. But did

you know that most water is exactly the opposite? And did

you know that waters from many water purifier systems fail

these basic requirements?

It’s true. People buy water purification systems thinking

that they will successfully filter out the “bad stuff” and

keep the “good stuff” in water. Unfortunately, many systems,

even the expensive ones, either do an inadequate job of

filtering out the “bad stuff” or they filter out everything

— both good and bad. In fact, there are filtration systems

for which people pay top dollar, that doctors recommend you

don’t drink from on a long term basis — because they can

make your body even more acidic!

But before you completely swear off water, know this:

it’s not all bad news. There are excellent purification

systems that do a good job of creating healthy, alkaline

water with as much antioxidant property as a glass of orange

juice!

Protect the health of your family. Before believing the

advertising claims of any system, and before spending a

fortune on bottled water, really compare the choices in home

purification systems. Find out:

1. How do the health benefits of each system compare? (contamination, acidity, antioxidant, minerals)

2. What’s the taste like? If you don’t love the taste, you won’t drink enough water.

3. How much will it cost me?

The spirit of “Let’s Try, Let’s Take the Challenge” certainly worked well for Suzuki Motors.

My Dad built a special structure to house his Suzuki Motorcycle out of the rain and wind on our hillside home overlooking Pearl Harbor and my friends in India know Maruti Suzuki with as much familiarity as any homegrown product.

I went to the Suzuki birthplace, Hamamatsu City in Shizuoka, Japan, and I marvel at the thought of Suzuki, Honda, and Yamaha getting their start around the same time in this little corner along Japan’s Pacific Coast. But then again, this is the same place that produced Ieyasu Tokunaga, the Daimyo who’s Bakufu held the country together under a single, extremely well organized Edo government for almost 260 years.

The City Mascot, “Ieyasu-kun” is also referred to as “Promotion Man” and people coming through the station leave their business cards in a wish box in hopes the power of upward mobility will rub off on them back home. The reach of these firms and the familiarity with which they are held around the world is a true testament to the strength of quality and craftsmanship and how this can span what could seem the insurmountable divide of a painful past.

I was in the Hamamatsu Chamber of Commerce building for a speech, but my first sight upon entering the facility was the perfectly shaped wooden motorcycle in the glass case near the waiting area. Craftsmanship to the tee is the only way I can describe this work of art. Until this moment, I often teased my dad for his unquenchable enthusiasm about his bike, now however, I understand his delight as he shines the forest green body on his Suzuki motorcycle under the hot rays on a bright Hawaiian day.

I ponder that those same rays reflected off the wings of fighter planes flying low under radar on their way to Pearl Harbor as well later when moonlight reflected on B-29 Superfortress planes dropping bombs on Japan from high above the clouds. The shoals of time have eased the pain but reminders rear up when I hear about a recently uncovered unexploded bomb near the city center from my friends at the Hamamatsu City meeting. None of us though, seem to make any connection between our nationalities and the recent discovery even though it was my countrymen who sent that bomb into the soil so many years ago. In the same way, my Father straddles his polished Suzuki motorbike and doesn’t hesitate to ride proudly into town even though the source of that machine was once a bitter foe.

It seems the basic human ability to appreciate the “now” and to focus on what lies ahead is strong on both sides. That makes me feel hope, and I feel happy for all that lies ahead for my kids in this ever shrinking, constantly connecting new world.

A Sensei of Japanese Tea Ceremony served me lovely green Macha and the Bento box lunch shared with the meeting organizers was delightful in every way.

The Pacific Ocean in clear view from our perch on the 5th floor, the even lowlands spanning as far as the eye can see on both sides and the mountains towering clear in the distance helped me understand how this area would have been a choice place to live since the early stone age (the shell mounds here are the oldest in Japan).

Also one of the foremost stops on the Tokaido 53 Tsugi after Hakone, this would have been a route for all the travelling merchants, Samurai and royalty. Forward-thinking business people in Hamamatsu tap workers from Brazil and other countries to work in factories and at the same time, these newcomers bring a special spice to the rich culture of this interesting city. I suspect the “Promotion” power of Hamamatsu applies to all and in 100 years or less we will be writing about how one of the factory workers from Brazil got her start in this vibrant town and ended up bringing the world together in awe of her intricately manufactured, artful and cutting edge product.

Much history, good and bad, is behind us and there is much more history to make, I will assume the Hamamatsu City spirit and continue to try, try and try again. I want to maintain a legacy of getting through the pain with beauty, grace and simple hard work.

This is about Edward (not his real name), who needs a few pointers to win friends and influence people. I’ve given him one of my favorite books, The Power of Charm by Brian Tracy which is not only useful but often humorous. If he has read it, little has sunk in.

Socially, Edward is a tad clueless, but he’s trying, and he’s improving. Bless his heart, he is in his twenties and realizes he doesn’t yet know it all. He has not yet developed the maturity those his age had years ago. He’s a budding real estate mogul, euphoric about the current red hot real estate market, and he’s good at it. Very good. But alas, he hasn’t learned the necessary niceties that make him a polished gentleman. (Do they exist anymore?)

If you think I’m “complaining,” I’m not. Instead, I’m “explaining,” trying to be helpful.

Without further ado, I’ll explain why, in my opinion, Edward is sometimes clueless and why it matters, especially when with older people, whose homes he hopes to sell. I’ll give two examples.

First example: Edward has a girlfriend, Mary Beth, and she’s a lovely and loving “older woman” by a few years, which is good because Mary Beth has a maturity that is helpful to Edward whether he knows it or not.

To give a specific example of what I am “explaining and not complaining” about, for my birthday, Mary Beth gave me two beautiful teacups, along with exotic aromatic tea bags. Frankly, I thought the cups were too pretty to use, but without saying, “May I?” –, Edward took one of the tea bags and brewed himself a cup of tea. To be clear: Edward did not realize it wasn’t cool to “try-out” what was not his. He knows enough to say “please” and “thank you,” but “May I” is not yet part of his social vocabulary. Thoughtlessness may be okay among his peers, but older people may take exception to inconsiderate actions.

Here’s the next example. Sitting in a group, watching TV, Edward nonchalantly put his feet (with shoes on) upon the table in front of him. (Horrors!) It made me so agitated I embarrassed him (and myself) by telling him to take his feet off the table.

In response, he pointed out that the fellow sitting next to him also had his feet on the table (which is also not acceptable), but the difference was, the other young man didn’t have shoes on. I didn’t scold the shoeless fellow, although I should have because one does not put their feet on furniture with or without shoes. In their own home, they can dance on the tables if they want to, but not in Miss Barbara’ abode. Those sitting around were aghast that I would chastise Edward, but I was annoyed. Please do what you want in your own home, but older people don’t like it when you make thoughtless assumptions when in their home.

Am I right? Have I become a testy grouch (That will never happen.) who doesn’t care about offending sensitive youth who have never been told they are wrong and don’t seem to reach maturity until after middle age? After all, for the most part, no one has ever told the snowflakes they are inappropriate or inconsiderate about anything. It may trigger a meltdown and require a puppy to hug.

Alas, if only Edward had my mother! She would have chewed him up one side and down the other. Know what I mean?

With the increasing progress in technology, hindrances such as time and distance are a thing of the past. Commercial transactions are conducted regardless of where the sun shines. As man sleeps, the computer continues to run with minimal intervention. Opportunities to indulge in further academic excellence are offered via distance education programs. In accordance with the main tagline, one is able to hold down a day job whilst studying at his own pace after hours.

Much has been written about pursuing this form of study. However, it takes a certain form of educator to deliver effective teaching at a distance. As opposed to conventional methods which bring the teacher and students face to face, this requires some re-adjustment in one’s methods. It is essential to familiarize oneself with the features and functionalities provided by technology. Basic modes of communication via email and instant messaging coupled with the latest in social networking allows the educator to facilitate the exchange of information with his students and amongst themselves.

Teaching also takes a new turn as chalk and board is replaced by online delivery of lectures and tutorials. Due to absence of eye contact, one needs to find alternative ways to generate interest and enthusiasm for the subject taught. To complement the physical library, electronic resources become readily available for the pickings. Conveyors of distance education learn to make good use of them to produce effective teaching plans and materials. Support from the administrative level is also crucial in providing complementary resources such as a technically-apt team to assist in the development of teaching materials.

Despite the assumption that the mode of teaching at a distance makes a lighter workload, the truth is far from it. In lieu of physical travel, teachers end up with a larger group of students due to borderless education. This obviously translates into more time and effort for digital interaction as well as work assessment and grading.

Many wives who are dealing with the aftermath of an affair will tell you that this process has affected their self-respect or their self-esteem. This may not make sense unless infidelity has happened to you, but having your spouse cheat on you can make you feel like you are less than everyone else and that you weren’t very intelligent or observant for having this happen to you. Thus, you can become angry at yourself on so many levels for allowing this to happen. I know that this might seem crazy, but it’s true. Many wives share their frustrations about this with their husbands and are surprised when he claims that his self-esteem and self-respect have also taken a hit. This upsets many wives because they think that not only is he not validating their feelings, but he’s now trying to play the victim in order to take the wind out of their sails.

She might say, “one of the biggest struggles that I am having after my husband’s affair is that of my self-respect. I’ve always considered myself to be a strong person. I don’t let people walk over me and I speak up when I feel that I’m not being heard or am being taken advantage of. I like to think that I am competent personally and professionally. However, now that I am considering trying to work on my marriage after my husband cheated on me, frankly, I think less of myself. I see myself as a meek housewife with no self-respect. Granted, I could support myself and one the biggest reasons that I am still here is because of my kids, but still. I shared this with my husband and I was hoping that he would tell me that this was silly because I was strong and that I was certainly not letting him off easy. But do you know what his response to me was? That he understands because he feels less self-respect too. What? How does this make sense? I am the one who is staying when I am the injured party. I was the one who was betrayed. So why is he suffering from lower self-esteem?”

Why Cheating Men Can Have Self Esteem Issues: I can pass on what many men have told me and what I have read. In no way am I defending your husband. But men can take a hit with their self-esteem and self-respect because they are embarrassed and ashamed of their choices. They betrayed their family. They put what they valued most at risk. And they can feel very helpless when they go to fix it. They can’t take your pain away. They can’t make you believe that they are sorry and won’t cheat again. They can’t take this back. They can only feebly try to improve a bad situation, all the while knowing that the people who they love are in pain because of their own actions. They can wonder how they could have been so stupid.

So yes, what your husband is saying isn’t completely uncommon. But that doesn’t mean that he should not validate your concerns as well. He may not be consciously trying to bring the attention onto himself or to divert away from your own concerns, but I can see why you would think that and feel angry. Ironically, often the person who cheated and the person who was cheated on feel exactly the same way when they are dealing with the aftermath – frustrated, angry, helpless, scared, and incompetent. Of course, they feel this way for different reasons. And the person who didn’t cheat really doesn’t deserve to feel this way because you truly are the injured (but innocent) party.

Insights That May Offer A Little Relief: If it helps, I will tell you some things that helped my self-esteem. I was angry at myself because I didn’t suspect the affair, but in truth, it was when my husband was in another area for work. So I consciously decided that unless I was just a paranoid wife who was overly suspicious of her husband, why would I have seen it coming? I gave my husband the benefit of the doubt, as trusting spouses are supposed to do. It was unfair of me to blame myself for that. Another place where I beat myself up was that I worried that I was no longer attractive. I worried that I’d lost my looks and that my husband would never love or genuinely desire me. But then I realized that I looked the same as I did the week before the affair. And at that time, I wasn’t exactly delighted with my looks, but I didn’t think of myself as hideous either. I did address issues that bothered me (like my teeth,) but I didn’t go crazy with unrealistic changes. I’m a mom. I am of a certain age. I decided to take care of myself and to be healthy, but beyond that, I’m not going to chase unrealistic ideals. As far as deciding to stay, yes my kids did influence me. But I stayed because I love my husband, my marriage, and my family. This doesn’t make me weak, uneducated, or a pushover. It means that I am someone who prioritized my family more than staying angry. It means that I am a problem solver more than I am someone who runs away. My decisions weren’t the right ones for everyone, but I made them and I wasn’t going to feel “less than” because of them. I am still a strong and capable person and I am sure that you are too.

If you don’t like your husband deflecting about his own self-esteem, you can just try something like, “well, I guess we can empathize with what the other person feels like. For myself, I’m going to do a lot of self-work to get my self-respect back and I hope that you support me with that, since you know how I feel.”

A few weeks ago, I took my 17-year-old daughter, Ariana, an accomplished viola player, to the East Coast to audition at top-tier music conservatories, The auditions are, of course, important – where you go to college affects your whole life. At the first audition, waiting for her turn, I asked Ariana if she was nervous. “No, mommy, I’m so excited to play for them!” She was happy, like Cinderella going to the ball.

It felt to me like the end of a long road, and the start of a new one. When Ariana and her brother Zak were little, I suddenly became a single mother. I believed that I would never be able to send them to college without scholarships. So I groomed them in something that, as a symphonic violinist, I knew well: music. I started Zak on violin at 6 and Ariana at 5 (she switched to viola in her teens). During those hard times, I sometimes sacrificed paying my utilities bills in order to buy their instruments and pay for their lessons.

The first piece in Ariana’s first college audition was a dramatic Brahms sonata. I practically glued my ear to the door. It seemed to me that she was expressing all the life experiences that had brought her to this point; wonderful experiences like play dates and sleepovers with good friends, horseback riding, and playing in jazz and rock’n’roll bands. And there were echoes of difficult experiences, too, like her parents’ divorce, a cross-country move and teenage school troubles.

When she emerged from the room, I could tell from her face that she had nailed it. The teacher, who served as a judge, followed her out the door, congratulated me, and said that he’d love to teach her.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that experience, because so many people have asked me about the ‘tiger mother’ essay. You’ve probably read the article, by law professor Amy Chua, in the (January 8, 2011) Wall Street Journal, titled ‘Why Chinese Mothers are Superior.’ Chua outlines her approach to childrearing, which she calls the ‘tiger’ way, and compares it to the ‘Western’ way. Her children were never allowed sleepovers or play dates. They were required to be the top student in their classes, and to play only piano or the violin, for hours each day. Chua tells an anecdote about her 7-year-old daughter Lulu’s difficulty with a particular piano piece. Lulu gave up and left the piano. Her mother forced her back. “Punching, thrashing and kicking” ensued. Chua insulted and threatened her daughter, and didn’t let her go to the bathroom. After many hours – with no dinner – Lulu finally played the piece correctly.

My response: Chua could have achieved the same results with none of the negativity.

I know this because, not only am I now the parent of three highly musical children, but I also direct a music school with hundreds of young clients. We groom students from the beginning so that they can become good enough to get into Juilliard or any top-tier music program, if that’s the direction they choose. So in our ambition for our children, I’m a lot like Chua, who tried to get her daughter into Juilliard’s precollege program.

But, aside from admiring Juilliard, my experience helping children grow and to thrive in music to reach the highest levels couldn’t be more different from Chua’s.

ANGER IS EASY

In letting herself become angry at her children during practices, Chua takes the easy way out. The violin is the most difficult instrument a child can play. Seeing their children mess up, a parent’s anger can go from 0 to 100 in seconds. Sometimes I just want to jump inside my daughter’s little body and do it for her! Add to that the financial sacrifice – no wonder parents go ballistic.

I tell the parents that they’re not alone in these feelings, and offer them tools to reduce the frustration and help the child progress. My positive reward system includes plenty of praise and presents, from puffy stickers and ‘silly band’ bracelets, to cute Japanese erasers and plastic busts of great composers. We also offer dozens of ideas to help make practice fun, or at least tolerable.

SOLITARY CONFINEMENT VS. ‘PLAYING’ WITH FRIENDS

Chua puts a lot of emphasis on making her children practice for many hours – not just one or two hours, but 3 hours a day or more of solitary practice, just with mom. That would be 21 hours a week (plus whatever lessons they attend). I’m like Chua, in terms of my insistence that my children practice every day, and put in a lot of time each week. Some parents think I’m over the top. I added up the hours my 9-year-old daughter Jenna spends with music and her cello – it comes out to nearly 20 hours a week. But that’s not solo practice. Jenna is in two of my music school’s orchestras; and she plays in three quartets, with girls her age. On top of that, she has four cello lessons a week, one piano lesson, and one music theory class. I try to get her to practice solo for an additional – 1 hour a day. (All this isn’t nearly as expensive or time-consuming as it sounds because, of course, we own the music school which is Jenna’s second home.)

A more typical student in my program might take 1 or 2 lessons a week; participate in one of our string quartets once a week, and play with one or two of our orchestras weekly. He is also encouraged to practice 45-90 minutes a day, depending on level and age. That can average out 1 hours a day, around 12 hours a week, compared to Chua’s childrens’ 21 hours.

Putting time into practice in is important. In the elementary through high school years, it is true that the kids who practice for the most hours will have the most advanced technique, and will earn first chairs. But when they go out into the real world, and start auditioning for conservatories, high-level orchestras, and competitions, the winners will be the players who are not only technically proficient, but who are also able to interpret a piece of music in a way that is unique to them, with a high level of musicianship which can only come from varied life experiences – including non-musical experiences like play dates, sleepovers, and friendships.

Jenna is getting quality time, rather than just “doing time.” A significant percentage of her 21 hours, and the 12 hours of our more typical students, is spent in groups with her peers. It’s in group playing that students develop their musicality, and other critical skills like listening, leading, and rhythm. It’s also in group playing that the child develops a sense of belonging that pulls him or her upwards in music. They join a wonderful club with friendships, fun, snacks, trips to amusement park music festivals, medals, pins, trophies, and above all, travel! Membership inspires them to practice – reducing parents’ frustration.

Which brings up another reason that the ‘tiger’ approach is counterproductive. Being a professional musician is a social career. Succeeding is about making connections and friends. If there’s a good job, and there are two players to choose from, it’s the one who gets along with everybody who will get the job.

Chua appears to isolate her daughters. She describes as ‘Chinese’ her insistence that her child must be number one in almost any situation, school and music. My perspective: In music, as in life, aiming to be number one is a losing proposition. There will always be someone who plays better. Children must learn cooperation in order to succeed.

MISTAKES ARE A LAUGHING MATTER

After ten years of running a music school, we’ve learned that some parents should be separated from the student during lessons. I’ll be teaching a child how important it is to relax their upper body, and then the parent will chime in, or even poke the child – “And don’t forget to push your arm in!” – which pretty much puts us back to square one with the child’s tension. Overbearing parents inhibit student progress.

Chua demands perfection from her daughters. I tell my students (and their parents) that it’s O.K. to make mistakes. Something I say a lot in class and orchestra is, “I am so happy you played that wrong, now we can all learn!” My own children have made plenty of mistakes – big ones. Like the time Ariana forgot to tighten her bow before a fancy recital! Another time, she left the mute on her violin for the entire performance! You bet she’ll never do that again. We laughed then, and we still chuckle about it.

When my own children fail, when they don’t get first chair, I don’t take it personally. I know they’ll do better next time. They don’t need me to rub it in.

After years of dealing with hundreds of parents, it’s pretty clear to me that those who behave like Chua have tied their self-esteem too tightly to their children’s performance.

STICK WITH IT

Along with being ambitious, there is another area where Chua and I are similar: We’re both stubborn. If she’s a tiger mother, you can call me a lion mother. I agree with Chua’s attitude that, if someone wants their child to become a skillful musician, a parent must be very single-minded, stick with it, slog through the difficult parts, and never give up. But parents also must learn to separate from the child, and to grow their own lives emotionally and spiritually. And parents do not have to take away a child’s precious childhood.

The emerging India’s share of the world life insurance market grew marginally during the last year to 1.97% from 1.68% a year ago. The premium on life insurance policies generated from India amounted to equivalent of $47.1 billion in the last year, up from $37.22 billion in 2006.However, this business in India slowed down considerably in 2007-08, the overall business grew by over 36% in the US dollar terms. This downturn partly because of the strengthening of the rupee vis-a-vis the US dollar. The significant growth includes renewal premium. India’s real growth in this sector is at 14.2% in 2007-08 and is more than two-and-half times the world average.

The key driver of growth in life insurance business of the Indian economy was the trend toward single premium business and pension and annuity products. The Indian insurance industry was shifting one from providing traditional life insurance to these new sectors because of ageing populations(more than 2% crossing 55 every year) and reduction in state social security benefits. Although Indian economy faced a severe credit crisis in 2007 which led to turbulence in the financial market insurance, sales of life insurance products were unaffected.

The rage of sales in the life insurance policies are due to a blend of factors. With the liberalisation of the Indian economy, there is no shortage of investment options for a person to choose from. Today’s investment chart include gold, property, fixed income instruments, mutual funds and of course, life insurance. Given the volume of choices, it becomes imperative to make the right choice when investing the hard-earned money. Life insurance has remained as a unique investment that helps the investor to meet his manifold needs – saving for life’s important goals, and protecting his assets and tax savings. Tax saving Insurance Policy is in vogue among the Indian youth whose real income has seen a spectacular growth due to the IT and retail boom.

From an investor’s point of view, an investment in the life insurance policy can play two roles – asset appreciation or asset protection. This policy is unique in that it gives the customer the reassurance of asset protection, along with a strong element of asset appreciation. The core benefit associated with the life insurance is that the financial interests of one’s family remain protected from circumstances such as loss of income due to severe illness or premature death of the policyholder. Simultaneously, insurance products also have a strong potential for wealth creation proposition. The insured therefore benefits on two counts and life insurance occupies a unique space in the landscape of investment.

Life insurance is the only investment option that offers case specific products for different stages of life. It thus ensures that the benefits offered to the customer reflect the needs of the customer at any particular stage of life, and hence ensures that the financial goals of that life stage are met without any hassle. Therefore, despite a macroeconomic environment characterised by marginally slower economic growth and rising inflation, life insurance continued to expand in 2007 with an significant increase of 5.4% to $2, 393 billion.

The latest innovation in the field of life insurance is the ULIPs. These policies have gained high acceptance due to attractive features they offer. These policies offer the Flexibility to choose sum assured, premium amount, change asset allocation by switching between funds and to change level of Premium /Sum Assured even after the plan has started. In case of ULIPs, the policy holder has the Option to withdraw money after few years (comfort required in case of exigency). These policies are of low minimum tenure and partial or systematic withdrawal is allowed to the policyholder.

This past September (September 1st to be exact) I was in a wheelchair in an emergency room with a fractured knee cap that occurred in a moment of fully lucid but impaired equilibrium. But here’s the good news: the bottle of beer I was carrying remained unscathed. No shattered glass or a drop of foamy goodness was lost. (That takes talent!) I should have known better than to imbibe in the second bottle of brew but as the saying goes, “What the heck. I was having a good time.” Even better news: the white jeans I was wearing survived without a mark or tear.

Have I learned my lesson? Yes, of course, I have. I’m not a dumb bunny. I no longer drink beer. I now drink white wine. Best of all, my sense of humor remains intact.

After a long wait in the emergency room, I was wheeled into a room by an attendant who thought I was his “sweetie” and waited some more for a nurse (or anyone) to appear. My daughter and son-in-law were standing behind my chair when a nurse arrived. Then the fun began. As if I was not there, the nurse asked my daughter for details about how my injury occurred.

I was thinking, “Why isn’t the nurse asking ME those questions. It’s MY injury!” Irritation gnawed at me until I finally swung the bulky chair around to face the nurse, hitting a few cabinets in the process. (I should have turned the chair before she entered the room but the space was small.) In a calm, polite tone of voice, I said, “Excuse me, I can hear and understand everything you say and I can answer all your questions. You can speak to ME. I’m not senile.” And I smiled.

The poor woman was taken aback. No one had probably spoken to her like that before. After all, she was just applying the accepted protocol for dealing with an old/older person – it’s a cultural thing, a “given” – white hair equals incompetence or senility. In her eyes, she had done nothing wrong. I knew that and that’s why I intentionally spoke to her in a calm, polite tone of voice.

Old people get used to and even expect (but don’t like) to be treated as if they don’t exist or are incompetent. It’s a societal assumption that old people can’t think clearly or remember much and they can’t hear or understand if you speak too softly or too fast. After all, most old people are senile or close to it so you have to be patronizing and deal with them as if they are children. Really? REALLY?

Not all old people are on the brink of senility – most are not even close. Mature people function quite well if they are spoken to with respect and treated with the assumption they are competent. If they are mentally impaired, acknowledge their existence and treat them respectfully.

Let’s get to the elderspeak element of the “old people are invisible” syndrome which I already experienced before I became invisible. It is beyond annoying and disrespectful. Here is an unrelated example, but typical of the elderspeak iceberg:

My sister and her husband were dedicated runners. They were “mature” – not teenagers. On their daily run around the community and their neighborhood, neighbors, sitting on their front lawn, many with a can of bubbly in their hand, yelled to them as they flew by, “you guys are so cute!” Was my sister angry? You bet. Please don’t call mature persons “cute”. A six-year-old child is cute. To call an elder “cute” is as demeaning and infantilizing as it gets.

Here’s more: If you are a healthcare worker, a mature female patient you just met is not your “sweetie” or “honey”. Terms of endearment are appropriate only when there is a romantic relationship. Egads! What a revelation! An old person in a romantic relationship? [gasp!] That’s disgusting! Really? No, it’s not. Oh, one more thing: Do not call me “young lady”. It’s patronizing, demeaning, condescending and disrespectful. (Okay, okay, I’m being overly sensitive – and grumpy.)

If those in authority call you cute or utter another term of endearment, it’s tempting to want to haul off and smack them into reality, but don’t give in to the temptation. Turn it around on them and tell them how cute they are, and what a sweetie pie they are for telling you how cute you are. Be sure to smile as you do it. Take note of their flustered or confused reaction.

Becca R. Levy is Professor of Epidemiology at Yale School of Public Health and Professor of Psychology at Yale University. She is a leading researcher in the fields of social gerontology and psychology of aging. I have been following her work for a very long time. She has been at the forefront of issues that occur as a result of the way competent older adults are often treated and addressed.

Dr. Levy believes that many of those who use elderspeak – including healthcare workers – don’t understand that it can be offensive and destructive. She says, “I’ve heard some people say they want to be able to use terms of endearment – it’s their way of expressing their affection for older people – but I’ve heard older people say it can be belittling,” and “In terms of healthcare settings, it’s probably a good idea to ask people how they want to be addressed – what is most comfortable for them… “

I can get deep into the weeds on this subject but I think I’ve made my point. Don’t call anyone with gray or white hair (or no hair) that you just met “cute” or “sweetie” or use another term of endearment. Do not automatically assume they are incompetent. Acknowledge and respect their existence. Everyone gets old. One day you will be where they are now and probably in a [gulp!] [gasp!] romantic relationship – if you are lucky. (Yeah, yeah. I know that’s disgusting. My elderly sexy Aunt, Miss Prunella, says “Get over it”.)

In the January, 2006 issue of Intellectual Property Today, attorneys Thomas J. Van Gilder and Carl A. Kukkonen cited to a document on the webpage of the United States Patent and Trademark Office [USPTO] for the proposition that “patent filings have grown from 353,394 to 406,302, an increase of nearly 15%, from FY 2002 to FY 2005.” In footnote 3 of their article, they carefully provided the page number of the document and the link to the document: See USPTO 2005 Annual Report at 61, http://www.uspto.gov/web/offices/com/annual/2005/2005annualreport.pdf.

The interesting, and troubling, aspect about this is that one will not find in the cited document at the given link the number “406,302”.

The number 406,302 did not arise out of thin air. Intellectual Property Today had mentioned the number in its December 2005 issue: The agency received 406,302 patent applications, and

323,501 applications for trademark registration as reported in its fiscal year 2005 Performance and Accountability Report released in November. The magazine eWeek had mentioned the number on January 16, 2006: Last year, the USPTO granted 165,485 patents, up from 99,000 in 1990. According to the patent office, a record 406,302 new applications were filed

last year alone. On January 25, 2006, Bruce V. Bigelow of the San Diego Union-Tribune used it: In November, the patent office said it issued 165,485 patents in the fiscal year that ended in September — and had received 406,302 patent applications, along with 323,501 applications for trademark registration. Andy Holloway of Canadian Business used the number on January 30, 2006: It’s easy to see why the patent office is swamped. It received 406,302 patent applications

and granted 165,485 of them last year, adding to a database of patents that numbers roughly seven million. On February 20, 2006, Dan O’Shea had used the number in Telephony: During 2005, the agency received 406,302 patent applications and 323,501 applications for trademark registration, according to the agency’s Web site.

As of April 23, 2006, one will find at page 61 of the above-identified link a table stating that there were 409,532 filings in FY 2005. One will not find an explanation of why the previous number of 406,302 is gone. Data that exist only on an internet website can be changed, without explanation, and thus cease to exist. In this particular instance, we have evidence of the previous information, because so many people cited to it. However, a person looking only to footnote 3 of the article by Van Gilder and Kukkonen, and following the link to page 61 might be led to the conclusion that Van Gilder and Kukkonen “got it wrong.”

In fact, the “error” of Van Gilder and Kukkonen would have been referring to a link to a site that was capable of changing the numbers. Those authors who cite to internet websites for numerical data should be aware that such citation may be perilous in the sense that it is not permanent. The situation presents an interesting issue in the way law review cite checking works. If a law review author utilized the 406,302 number and cited to Van Gilder and Kukkonen, the cite would be approved. However, if a law review author utilized the 406,302 number and cited the USPTO document, the cite should NOT be approved.

In this particular case, there is a secondary sustantive issue as to patent law. The figure of 409,532 (or the previous figure of 406,302) comprises the combination of utility patent applications AND design patent applications. Typically, in such things as the debate on how high the patent grant rate is, one looks only at utility applications. Taking the previous data as presented, one would find a grant rate of 165,485/406,302 = 40.7%, minuscule in comparison to the 97% number once alleged by Quillen and Webster, or the 85% number accepted by Lemley and Moore in the article “Ending Abuse of Patent Continuations.”