What I like about Indonesia: Flexible with time and nobody minds if there are changes in the last minute.

What I dislike about Indonesia: Flexible with time and nobody minds if there are changes in the last minute.

One of the most quintessential elements of Indonesian culture is time and how time is treated. Unfortunately, this could also come as a surprising challenge for many who come from abroad or those who repatriate back to Indonesia. It takes a lot of adaptation and patience or “getting used to” to tolerate this element – it is essentially like learning a new language. Growing up, the phrase “time is money” and “time is of the essence” has been regularly pushed unto me and being tardy was simply unacceptable and disrespectful.

In Indonesia, it is not unusual to hear stories and complaints of people who have waited hours for someone to show up. Let that be a business meeting, a doctor for his patients, job interview or a chat at a nearby cafe, you may find yourself waiting for what seems like forever. You might also be familiar with cancelling plans at the last minute, or people who alter the plan as it goes – sometimes for no good reason.

Jam Karet & Ngaret

So what is so different? After all we are still on the same Earth and time is a universal language. Yes, in Indonesia there are still 60 minutes in an hour, and there are 24 hours in a day, and 7 days is still 7 days regardless, but the issues aren’t in the numbers, but in perception.

A common saying in Indonesia is “Jam karet”. Jam Karet or ngaret is a popular phrase, an excuse, a claim, an idea and an explanation used when someone is late. “Jam Karet” and the literal translation is Rubber clock, implies that the hour or minute hand on the clock can be twisted and manipulated so anytime you arrive is always correct. But what is most important is that much like a piece of rubber, it is flexible. Being late has become so prevalent, to the extent that a unique term has been created to justify it.

Power Distance

The reality is, not everyone is born equal in Indonesia. You can show up late to meetings and appointments, simply because you’re at a higher position in the chain of command than everyone else. Where you are in the corporate ladder matters, and it could give you a get out of meetings free card and no one will challenge you. The meeting starts when the head honcho says it starts, whether they are late or not. In some instances, time isn’t perceived at all. But chain of command goes beyond the workplace: universities, schools, doctor appointments also apply the concept of power distance. Professors can show up late to university lectures, simply because they are the most important person in the room. Teachers can be absent, and no student dares to question or challenge, because it may tarnish their relationship with the teacher.

But power is only one piece of the puzzle. After all, there are times where power is equally split between everyone, like a group of friends for example. No friend has more power than the other. This brings another trait into the picture: collectivism.

The collectivist society

Indonesia’s collectivist society means that the opinion of the group matters most and if everyone in the group is unfazed by people coming late, then that becomes the status quo. Indonesia’s communal, cliquey communication system can be traced back to the “Kampung” (village) days, where everyone relied on strength as a group in order to survive.

Individuals are friendly to the group, in hopes that the group will take care of them in exchange. This is most common in social situations in Indonesia, where judging someone for being late is frowned upon, and explicit communication is seen as antagonistic behaviour. Thus, remaining quiet when someone is late is a defense mechanism, because sometimes, we are the ones who are late or have to cancel at the last minute. Blaming someone, calling them out for being late is a quick way to lose friends/popularity amongst your social circle and could backfire heavily against you. It’s a double edged dagger that could work in your favour (you might be the one who has to make changes in the last minute and want others to be forgiving), but can heavily backfire against you, especially if you are the one who is waiting.

Understand these two important concepts and we open up a door that lets us see how time is perceived.

There are no winners or losers when it comes to tardiness – because everyone loses and perhaps the biggest misunderstanding about punctuality, is that it is a two way street. It is easy to forget that there is an injured party and when we cancel something at the last minute, we indirectly cause a domino effect. Some people cancel at the last minute or arrive late, simply because it does not affect them personally that much, and therefore it will not affect others as well – but in reality, it is not the case.

Everything requires a certain degree of organization and sacrifice – organizing a person to meet at a single location can be tricky, and if you think about it, us humans have yet to develop a perfect communication system to do this. It is not only disrespectful to keep someone waiting for minutes sometimes hours, but it also has a domino effect on their schedule.

The practice of being late causes an economic loss or a tradeoff in each individual. Time is a sunk cost that cannot be retrieved back. When we choose to meet someone we could have been doing something else, but we sacrifice that opportunity for another opportunity. So, all that time waiting for that person to show up, we could have been doing something else more important, like finishing up that personal project or finding the cure for the common cold.

From the ideas of “Power distance” and “Collectivism”, it can be seen that there is a trickle down effect. The first and foremost is that it is setting a bad example for those below you – and the trickle extends at all levels of society, not colleagues at the office. Take for example, students – who are young, naive and are looking for an adult to follow in their footsteps, but are let down by their teachers. Constant exposure to habitual lateness and absenteeism plants a nefarious seed inside the mind of students that “it is okay to be late and not even show up to class”. Want proof?

Australian Aid and the Indonesian Ministry of Education conducted a joint research on teacher absenteeism in Indonesia in 2014 and found that teachers in local Indonesian schools have some of the highest rates of absenteeism. The national rate being 10.7%. Imagine if 11% of your time in school, your school teacher doesn’t even show up at all! In a 200 day school year, this would equate to 22 days of absenteeism – Most of us would kill to have a 22 day holiday!

So, why doesn’t anyone do anything about it?

The answer to the question of punctuality in Indonesia isn’t binary – it’s not a Yes/No type answer. Punctuality all boils down to sincerity and respect. It’s not illegal to show up late to a lunch date, or a coffee chat in a cafe, but tardiness robs people – not of money directly – but time. We can have as much talk about power distance and collectivism as much as we’d like, but that’s never going to change. Nothing we can do will ever change how thousands of years of civilization has shaped communities. We can however, start changing our sense of respect towards others.

I wrote an article recently about mask wearing and how anti-maskers think, and in a way, anti-maskers and habitual late comers share identical traits of being both ignorant of the consequences and seeing as “it’s not a big deal”. Next time you make an appointment, before cancelling or showing up late, make sure that you always remember who the injured party is and that a simple change, can mean destruction for another person’s time.

I’ve always been intrigued by the subject of intelligence. As a child my mother would refer to me as “smart,” but I quickly noticed that all parents refer to their children as smart. In time I would discover that all children are not smart, just as all babies are not cute. If that were the case, we’d have a world full of beautiful, smart people – which we don’t.

Some of us are smart; but not as smart as we think, and others are smarter than they seem, which makes me wonder, how do we define smart? What makes one person smarter than another? When do “street smarts” matter more than “book smarts”? Can you be both smart and stupid? Is being smart more of a direct influence of genetics, or one’s environment?

Then there are the issues of education, intelligence and wisdom.

What does it mean to be highly educated? What’s the difference between being highly educated and highly intelligent? Does being highly educated automatically make you highly intelligent? Can one be highly intelligent without being highly educated? Do IQs really mean anything? What makes a person wise? Why is wisdom typically associated with old age?

My desire to seek answers to these questions inspired many hours of intense research which included the reading of 6 books, hundreds of research documents, and countless hours on the Internet; which pales in comparison to the lifetime of studies and research that pioneers in the fields of intelligence and education like Howard Gardner, Richard Sternberg, Linda S. Gottfredson, Thomas Sowell, Alfie Kohn, and Diane F. Halpern whose work is cited in this article.

My goal was simple: Amass, synthesize, and present data on what it means to be smart, educated and intelligent so that it can be understood and used by anyone for their benefit.

PRENATAL CARE

With this in mind, there was not a better (or more appropriate) place to start than at the very beginning of our existence: as a fetus in the womb.

There is mounting evidence that the consumption of food that’s high in iron both before and during pregnancy is critical to building the prenatal brain. Researchers have found a strong association between low iron levels during pregnancy and diminished IQ. Foods rich in iron include lima beans, kidney beans, pinto beans, spinach, asparagus, broccoli, seafoods, nuts, dried fruits, oatmeal, and fortified cereals.

Children with low iron status in utero (in the uterus) scored lower on every test and had significantly lower language ability, fine-motor skills, and tractability than children with higher prenatal iron levels. In essence, proper prenatal care is critical to the development of cognitive skills.

COGNITIVE SKILLS

Cognitive skills are the basic mental abilities we use to think, study, and learn. They include a wide variety of mental processes used to analyze sounds and images, recall information from memory, make associations between different pieces of information, and maintain concentration on particular tasks. They can be individually identified and measured. Cognitive skill strength and efficiency correlates directly with students’ ease of learning.

DRINKING, PREGNANCY, AND ITS INTELLECTUAL IMPACT

Drinking while pregnant is not smart. In fact, it’s downright stupid.

A study in Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research has found that even light to moderate drinking – especially during the second trimester – is associated with lower IQs in offspring at 10 years of age. This result was especially pronounced among African-American rather than Caucasian offspring.

“IQ is a measure of the child’s ability to learn and to survive in his or her environment. It predicts the potential for success in school and in everyday life. Although a small but significant percentage of children are diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) each year, many more children are exposed to alcohol during pregnancy who do not meet criteria for FAS yet experience deficits in growth and cognitive function,” said Jennifer A. Willford, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.

Paul D. Connor, clinical director of the Fetal Alcohol and Drug Unit and assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington has this to say about the subject:

“There are a number of domains of cognitive functioning that can be impaired even in the face of a relatively normal IQ, including academic achievement (especially arithmetic), adaptive functioning, and executive functions (the ability to problem solve and learn from experiences). Deficits in intellectual, achievement, adaptive, and executive functioning could make it difficult to appropriately manage finances, function independently without assistance, and understand the consequences of – or react appropriately to – mistakes.”

This is a key finding which speaks directly to the (psychological) definition of intelligence which is addressed later in this article.

ULTRA SOUNDS

Studies have shown that the frequent exposure of the human fetus to ultrasound waves is associated with a decrease in newborn body weight, an increase in the frequency of left-handedness, and delayed speech.

Because ultrasound energy is a high-frequency mechanical vibration, researchers hypothesized that it might influence the migration of neurons in a developing fetus. Neurons in mammals multiply early in fetal development and then migrate to their final destinations. Any interference or disruption in the process could result in abnormal brain function.

Commercial companies (which do ultrasounds for “keepsake” purposes) are now creating more powerful ultrasound machines capable of providing popular 3D and 4D images. The procedure, however, lasts longer as they try to make 30-minute videos of the fetus in the uterus.

The main stream magazine New Scientist reported the following: Ultrasound scans can stop cells from dividing and make them commit suicide. Routine scans, which have let doctors peek at fetuses and internal organs for the past 40 years, affect the normal cell cycle.

On the FDA website this information is posted about ultrasounds:

While ultrasound has been around for many years, expectant women and their families need to know that the long-term effects of repeated ultrasound exposures on the fetus are not fully known. In light of all that remains unknown, having a prenatal ultrasound for non-medical reasons is not a good idea.

NATURE VERSUS NURTURE…THE DEBATE CONTINUES

Now that you are aware of some of the known factors which determine, improve, and impact the intellectual development of a fetus, it’s time for conception. Once that baby is born, which will be more crucial in the development of its intellect: nature (genetics) or nurture (the environment)?

Apparently for centuries, scientists and psychologists have gone back and forth on this. I read many comprehensive studies and reports on this subject during the research phase of this article, and I believe that it’s time to put this debate to rest. Both nature and nurture are equally as important and must be fully observed in the intellectual development of all children. This shouldn’t be an either/or proposition.

A recent study shows that early intervention in the home and in the classroom can make a big difference for a child born into extreme poverty, according to Eric Turkheimer, a psychologist at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. The study concludes that while genetic makeup explains most of the differences in IQ for children in wealthier families, environment – and not genes – makes a bigger difference for minority children in low-income homes.

Specifically, what researchers call “heritability”- the degree to which genes influence IQ – was significantly lower for poor families. “Once you’re put into an adequate environment, your genes start to take over,” Mr. Turkheimer said, “but in poor environments genes don’t have that ability.”

But there are reports that contradict these findings…sort of.

Linda S. Gottfredson, a professor of educational studies at the University of Delaware, wrote in her article, The General Intelligence Factor that environments shared by siblings have little to do with IQ. Many people still mistakenly believe that social, psychological and economic differences among families create lasting and marked differences in IQ.

She found that behavioral geneticists refer to such environmental effects as “shared” because they are common to siblings who grow up together. Her reports states that the heritability of IQ rises with age; that is to say, the extent to which genetics accounts for differences in IQ among individuals increases as people get older.

In her article she also refers to studies comparing identical and fraternal twins, published in the past decade by a group led by Thomas J. Bouchard, Jr., of the University of Minnesota and other scholars, show that about 40 percent of IQ differences among preschoolers stems from genetic differences, but that heritability rises to 60 percent by adolescence and to 80 percent by late adulthood.

And this is perhaps the most interesting bit of information, and relevant to this section of my article:

With age, differences among individuals in their developed intelligence come to mirror more closely their genetic differences. It appears that the effects of environment on intelligence fade rather than grow with time.

Bouchard concludes that young children have the circumstances of their lives imposed on them by parents, schools and other agents of society, but as people get older they become more independent and tend to seek out the life niches that are most congenial to their genetic proclivities.

BREAST-FEEDING INCREASES INTELLIGENCE

Researchers from Christchurch School of Medicine in New Zealand studied over 1,000 children born between April and August 1977. During the period from birth to one year, they gathered information on how these children were fed.

The infants were then followed to age 18. Over the years, the researchers collected a range of cognitive and academic information on the children, including IQ, teacher ratings of school performance in reading and math, and results of standardized tests of reading comprehension, mathematics, and scholastic ability. The researchers also looked at the number of passing grades achieved in national School Certificate examinations taken at the end of the third year of high school.

The results indicated that the longer children had been breast-fed, the higher they scored on such tests.

TALKING TO YOUR CHILDREN MAKES A DIFFERENCE

Thomas Sowell, author of Race, IQ, Black Crime, and facts Liberals Ignore uncovered some fascinating information that every parent should take note of. He writes:

There is a strong case that black Americans suffer from a series of disadvantageous environments. Studies show time and again that before they go to school, black children are on average exposed to a smaller vocabulary than white children, in part due to socioeconomic factors.

While children from professional households typically exposed to a total of 2,150 different words each day, children from working class households are exposed to 1,250, and children from households on welfare a mere 620.

Yes, smart sounding children tend to come from educated, professional, two-parent environments where they pick-up valuable language skills and vocabulary from its smart sounding inhabitants.

Mr. Sowell continues: Black children are obviously not to blame for their poor socioeconomic status, but something beyond economic status is at work in black homes. Black people have not signed up for the “great mission” of the white middle class – the constant quest to stimulate intellectual growth and get their child into Harvard or Oxbridge.

Elsie Moore of Arizona State University, Phoenix, studied black children adopted by either black or white parents, all of whom were middle-class professionals. By the age of 7.5 years, those in black homes were 13 IQ points behind those being raised in the white homes.

ACCUMULATED ADVANTAGES

At this juncture in my research it dawned on me, and should be fairly obvious to you, that many children are predisposed to being smart, educated, and intelligent, simply by their exposure to the influential factors which determine them long before they start school.

An informed mother, proper prenatal care, educated, communicative parents, and a nurturing environment in which to live, all add up to accumulated advantages that formulate intellectual abilities. As you can see, some children have unfair advantages from the very beginning.

Malcolm Gladwell, author of top-selling book Outliers, wrote that “accumulated advantages” are made possible by arbitrary rules…and such unfair advantages are everywhere. “It is those who are successful who are most likely to be given the kinds of social opportunities that lead to further success,” he writes. “It’s the rich who get the biggest tax breaks. It’s the best students who get the best teaching and most attention.”

With that in mind, we turn our attention to education and intelligence.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE WELL EDUCATED?

Alfie Kohn, author of the book What Does It Mean To Be Well Educated? poses the question, does the phrase well educated refer to a quality of schooling you received, or something about you? Does it denote what you were taught? Or what you remember?

I contend that to be well educated is all in the application; the application and use of information. Information has to be used in order to become knowledge, and as we all have heard, knowledge is power.

Most people are aware of the floundering state of education in this country on some level. We tell our children that nothing is more important than getting a “good” education, and every year, due to government budget shortfalls, teachers are laid off, classes are condensed, schools are closed, and many educational programs – especially those which help the underprivileged – are cut.

The reality is, we don’t really value education. We value it as a business, an industry, political ammunition, and as an accepted form of discrimination, but not for what it was intended: a means of enriching one’s character and life through learning.

What we value as a society, are athletes and the entertainment they offer. The fact that a professional athlete makes more money in one season, than most teachers in any region will make in their careers, is abominable. There’s always money to build new sports stadiums, but not enough to give teachers a decent (and well-deserved) raise.

Ironically, the best teachers don’t go into the profession for money. They teach because it’s a calling. Most of them were influenced by a really good teacher as a student. With the mass exodus of teachers, many students are not able to cultivate the mentoring relationships that they once were able to because so many are leaving the profession – voluntarily and involuntarily – within an average of three years.

At the high school level, where I got my start, the emphasis is not on how to educate the students to prepare them for life, or even college (all high schools should be college-prep schools, right?), it was about preparing them to excel on their standardized tests. Then the controversial “exit” exams were implemented and literally, many high schools were transformed into testing centers. Learning has almost become secondary.

This mentality carries over into college, which of course there’s a test one must take in order to enroll (the SAT or ACT). This explains why so many college students are more concerned with completing a course, than learning from it. They are focused on getting “A’s” and degrees, instead of becoming degreed thinkers. The latter of which are in greater demand by employers and comprise the bulk of the self-employed. The “get-the-good-grade” mindset is directly attributable to the relentless and often unnecessary testing that our students are subjected to in schools.

Alfie Kohn advocates the “exhibition” of learning, in which students reveal their understanding by means of in-depth projects, portfolios of assignments, and other demonstrations.

He cites a model pioneered by Ted Sizer and Deborah Meier. Meier has emphasized the importance of students having five “habits of mind,” which are: the value of raising questions about evidence (“How do we know what we know?”), point of view, (“Whose perspective does this represent?”), connections (“How is this related to that?”), supposition (“How might things have been otherwise?”), and relevance (“Why is this important?”).

Kohn writes: It’s only the ability to raise and answer those questions that matters, though, but also the disposition to do so. For that matter, any set of intellectual objectives, any description of what it means to think deeply and critically, should be accompanied by a reference to one’s interest or intrinsic motivation to do such thinking…to be well-educated then, is to have the desire as well as the means to make sure that learning never ends…

HISTORY AND PURPOSE OF IQ

We’ve always wanted to measure intelligence. Ironically, when you look at some the first methods used to evaluate it in the 1800s, they were not, well, very intelligent. Tactics such as subjecting people to various forms of torture to see what their threshold for pain was (the longer you could withstand wincing, the more intelligent you were believed to be), or testing your ability to detect a high pitch sound that others could not hear.

Things have changed…or have they?

No discussion of intelligence or IQ can be complete without mention of Alfred Binet, a French psychologist who was responsible for laying the groundwork for IQ testing in 1904. His original intention was to devise a test that would diagnose learning disabilities of students in France. The test results were then used to prepare special programs to help students overcome their educational difficulties.

It was never intended to be used as an absolute measure of one’s intellectual capabilities.

According to Binet, intelligence could not be described as a single score. He said that the use of the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) as a definite statement of a child’s intellectual capability would be a serious mistake. In addition, Binet feared that IQ measurement would be used to condemn a child to a permanent “condition” of stupidity, thereby negatively affecting his or her education and livelihood.

The original interest was in the assessment of ‘mental age’ — the average level of intelligence for a person of a given age. His creation, the Binet-Simon test (originally called a “scale”), formed the archetype for future tests of intelligence.

H. H. Goddard, director of research at Vineland Training School in New Jersey, translated Binet’s work into English and advocated a more general application of the Simon-Binet test. Unlike Binet, Goddard considered intelligence a solitary, fixed and inborn entity that could be measured. With help of Lewis Terman of Stanford University, his final product, published in 1916 as the Stanford Revision of the Binet-Simon Scale of Intelligence (also known as the Stanford-Binet), became the standard intelligence test in the United States.

It’s important to note that the fallacy about IQ is that it is fixed and can not be changed. The fact is that IQ scores are known to fluctuate – both up and down during the course of one’s lifetime. It does not mean that you become more, or less intelligent, it merely means that you tested better on one day than another.

One more thing to know about IQ tests: They have been used for racist purposes since their importation into the U.S. Many of those who were involved in the importation and refinement of these tests believed that IQ was hereditary and are responsible for feeding the fallacy that it is a “fixed” trait.

Many immigrants were tested in the 1920s and failed these IQ tests miserably. As a result, many of them were denied entry into the U.S., or were forced to undergo sterilization for fear of populating America with “dumb” and “inferior” babies. If you recall, the tests were designed for white, middle class Americans. Who do you think would have the most difficulty passing them?

Lewis Terman developed the original notion of IQ and proposed this scale for classifying IQ scores:

000 – 070: Definite feeble-mindedness

070 – 079: Borderline deficiency

080 – 089: Dullness

090 – 109: Normal or average intelligence

110 – 119: Superior intelligence

115 – 124: Above average (e.g., university students)

125 – 134: Gifted (e.g., post-graduate students)

135 – 144: Highly gifted (e.g., intellectuals)

145 – 154: Genius (e.g., professors)

155 – 164: Genius (e.g., Nobel Prize winners)

165 – 179: High genius

180 – 200: Highest genius

200 – higher ?: Immeasurable genius

*Genius IQ is generally considered to begin around 140 to 145, representing only 25% of the population (1 in 400).

*Einstein was considered to “only” have an IQ of about 160.

DEFINING INTELLIGENCE

Diane F. Halpern, a psychologist and past-president of the American Psychological Association (APA), wrote in her essay contribution to Why Smart People Can Be So Stupid that in general, we recognize people as intelligent if they have some combination of these achievements (1) good grades in school; (2) a high level of education; (3) a responsible, complex job; (4) some other recognition of being intelligent, such as winning prestigious awards or earning a large salary; (5) the ability to read complex text with good comprehension; (6) solve difficult and novel problems.

Throughout my research and in the early phases of this article, I came across many definitions of the word intelligence. Some were long, some were short. Some I couldn’t even understand. The definition that is most prevalent is the one created by the APA which is: the ability to adapt to one’s environment, and learn from one’s mistakes.

How about that? There’s the word environment again. We just can’t seem to escape it. This adds deeper meaning to the saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” It means recognizing what’s going on in your environment, and having the intelligence adapt to it – and the people who occupy it – in order to survive and succeed within it.

There are also many different forms of intelligence. Most notably those created by Dr. Howard Gardner, professor of education at Harvard University.

Dr. Gardner believes (and I agree) that our schools and culture focus most of their attention on linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligence. We esteem the highly articulate or logical people of our culture. However, Dr. Gardner says that we should also place equal attention on individuals who show gifts in the other intelligences: the artists, architects, musicians, naturalists, designers, dancers, therapists, entrepreneurs, and others who enrich the world in which we live.

He felt that the traditional notion of intelligence, based on IQ testing, was far too limited and created the Theories Of Multiple Intelligences in 1983 to account for a broader range of human potential in children and adults.

These intelligences are:

Linguistic intelligence (“word smart”)

Logical-mathematical intelligence (“number/reasoning smart”)

Spatial intelligence (“picture smart”)

Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligence (“body smart”)

Musical intelligence (“music smart”)

Interpersonal intelligence (“people smart”)

Intrapersonal intelligence (“self smart”)

Naturalist intelligence (“nature smart”)

Not associated with Dr. Gardner, but equally respected are:

FLUID & CRYSTALLIZED INTELLIGENCE

According to About.com, Psychologist Raymond Cattell first proposed the concepts of fluid and crystallized intelligence and further developed the theory with John Horn. The Cattell-Horn theory of fluid and crystallized intelligence suggests that intelligence is composed of a number of different abilities that interact and work together to produce overall individual intelligence.

Cattell defined fluid intelligence as “…the ability to perceive relationships independent of previous specific practice or instruction concerning those relationships.” Fluid intelligence is the ability to think and reason abstractly and solve problems. This ability is considered independent of learning, experience, and education. Examples of the use of fluid intelligence include solving puzzles and coming up with problem solving strategies.

Crystallized intelligence is learning from past experiences and learning. Situations that require crystallized intelligence include reading comprehension and vocabulary exams. This type of intelligence is based upon facts and rooted in experiences. This type of intelligence becomes stronger as we age and accumulate new knowledge and understanding.

Both types of intelligence increase throughout childhood and adolescence. Fluid intelligence peaks in adolescence and begins to decline progressively beginning around age 30 or 40. Crystallized intelligence continues to grow throughout adulthood.

SUCCESSFUL INTELLIGENCE

Then there’s Successful Intelligence, which is authored by intelligence psychologist and Yale professor, Robert J. Sternberg, who believes that the whole concept of relating IQ to life achievement is misguided, because he believes that IQ is a pretty miserable predictor of life achievement.

His Successful Intelligence theory focuses on 3 types of intelligence which are combined to contribute to one’s overall success: Analytical Intelligence; mental steps or components used to solve problems; Creative Intelligence: the use of experience in ways that foster insight (creativity/divergent thinking); and Practical Intelligence: the ability to read and adapt to the contexts of everyday life.

With regard to environment, Mr. Sternberg writes in his book Successful Intelligence: Successfully intelligent people realize that the environment in which they find themselves may or may not be able to make the most of their talents. They actively seek an environment where they can not only do successful work, but make a difference. They create opportunities rather than let opportunities be limited by circumstances in which they happen to find themselves.

As an educator, I subscribe to Mr. Sternberg’s Successful Intelligence approach to teaching. It has proven to be a highly effective tool and mindset for my college students. Using Successful Intelligence as the backbone of my context-driven curriculum really inspires students to see how education makes their life goals more attainable, and motivates them to further develop their expertise. Mr. Sternberg believes that the major factor in achieving expertise is purposeful engagement.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

In his best-selling 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman reported that research shows that conventional measures of intelligence – IQ – only account for 20% of a person’s success in life. For example, research on IQ and education shows that high IQ predicts 10 to 25% of grades in college. The percentage will vary depending on how we define success. Nonetheless, Goleman’s assertion begs the question: What accounts for the other 80%?

You guessed it…Emotional Intelligence. What exactly is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence (also called EQ or EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate emotions. Many corporations now have mandatory EQ training for their managers in an effort to improve employee

relations and increase productivity.

TACIT KNOWLEDGE aka “STREET SMARTS”

You’ve heard the phrase, “Experience is the greatest teacher…”

In psychology circles knowledge gained from everyday experience is called tacit knowledge. The colloquial term is “street smarts,” which implies that formal, classroom instruction (aka “book smarts”) has nothing to do with it. The individual is not directly instructed as to what he or she should learn, but rather must extract the important lesson from the experience even when learning is not the primary objective.

Tacit knowledge is closely related to common sense, which is sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts. As you know, common sense is not all that common.

Tacit knowledge, or the lessons obtained from it, seems to “stick” both faster and better when the lessons have direct relevance to the individual’s goals. Knowledge that is based on one’s own practical experience will likely be more instrumental to achieving one’s goals than will be knowledge that is based on someone else’s experience, or that is overly generic and abstract.

BEING BOTH SMART AND STUPID

Yes, it’s possible to be both smart and stupid. I’m sure someone you know comes to mind at this precise moment. But the goal here is not to ridicule, but to understand how some seemingly highly intelligent, or highly educated individuals can be so smart in one way, and incredibly stupid in others.

The woman who is a respected, well paid, dynamic executive who consistently chooses men who don’t appear to be worthy of her, or the man who appears to be a pillar of the community, with a loving wife and happy kids, ends up being arrested on rape charges.

It happens, but why? I found the answer in Why Smart People Can Be So Stupid. Essentially, intellect is domain specific. In other words, being smart (knowledgeable) in one area of your life, and stupid (ignorant) in another is natural. Turning off one’s brain is quite common especially when it comes to what we desire. A shared characteristic among those who are smart and stupid, is the difficulty in delaying gratification.

Olem Ayduk & Walter Mischel who wrote the chapter summarized: Sometimes stupid behavior in smart people may arise from faulty expectations, erroneous beliefs, or merely a lack of motivation to enact control strategies even when one has them. But sometimes it is an inability to regulate one’s affective states and the behavioral tendencies associated with them that leads to stupid and self-defeating behavior.

The central character in this book who many of these lessons regarding being smart and stupid revolve around is Bill Clinton and his affair with Monica Lewinksky.

WISDOM & CONCLUSION

My great grandmother, Leola Cecil, maybe had an 8th grade education at the most. By no stretch of the imagination was she highly educated, but she had what seemed like infinite wisdom. She was very observant and could “read” people with startling accuracy. Till the very end of her life she shared her “crystallized intelligence” with whomever was receptive to it.

She died at the age of 94. I often use many of her sayings as a public speaker, but most importantly, I use her philosophies to make sure that I’m being guided spiritually and not just intellectually. Many of us who are lucky enough to have a great grandparent can testify that there is something special about their knowledge. They seem to have life figured out, and a knack for helping those of us who are smart, educated and intelligent see things more clearly when we are too busy thinking.

What they have is what we should all aspire to end up with if we are lucky: wisdom.

Wisdom is the ability to look through a person, when others can only look at them. Wisdom slows down the thinking process and makes it more organic; synchronizing it with intuition. Wisdom helps you make better judgments regarding decisions, and makes you less judgmental. Wisdom is understanding without knowing, and accepting without understanding. Wisdom is recognizing what’s important to other people, and knowing that other people are of the utmost importance to you. Wisdom is both a starting point, and a final conclusion.

What is “Authentic,” “Genuine,” and “Real”?

When we are talking about people and how they comport themselves in the world, I have wondered whether many people would past the test of being “authentic, genuine, and real?” Now that I have posed that question, I also wonder whether people really care about how they behave as they choose to live their lives. For me, the search for answers begins with finding the definitions of these words based on internet dictionaries… (Most relevant to this article are definitions which are emboldened and underlined.)

Please work your way through these definitions and the article will continue on the other side…

Definition of AUTHENTIC Webster’s

1. obsolete: authoritative

2. worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact b: conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features c: made or done the same way as an original

3. not false or imitation: real, actual

4. a of a church mode: ranging upward from the keynote – compare plagal 1 b of a cadence: progressing from the dominant chord to the tonic – compare plagal 2

5. true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character

– au•then•ti•cal•ly

– au•then•tic•i•ty

Or au•then•tic adjective

1. not false or copied; genuine; real: an authentic antique.

2. having the origin supported by unquestionable evidence; authenticated; verified: an authentic document of the Middle Ages; an authentic work of the old master.

3. entitled to acceptance or belief because of agreement with known facts or experience; reliable; trustworthy: an authentic report on poverty in Africa

Definition of GENUINE

1. actually having the reputed or apparent qualities or character b: actually produced by or proceeding from the alleged source or author c: sincerely and honestly felt or experienced d: actual, true

2. free from hypocrisy or pretense: sincere

gen•u•ine

adjective

1. possessing the claimed or attributed character, quality, or origin; not counterfeit; authentic; real: genuine sympathy; a genuine antique.

2. properly so called: a genuine case of smallpox.

3. free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy; sincere: a genuine person.

4. descended from the original stock; pure in breed: a genuine Celtic people.

Synonyms

1. See authentic. 3. true, unaffected, open, honest, forthright.

Definition: authentic, real

Synonyms: -carat, 24-carat, absolute, accurate, actual, authenticated, bona fide, certain, certified, demonstrable, exact, existent, factual, for real, good, hard, honest, honest-to-goodness, in the flesh, indubitable, kosher*, legit, legitimate, literal, natural, official, original, palpable, plain, positive, precise, proved, pure, real stuff, sound, sterling, sure-enough, tested, true, unadulterated, unalloyed, undoubted, unimpeachable, unquestionable, unvarnished, valid, veritable, very, whole

Notes: genuine means not fake or counterfeit – or sincerely felt or expressed, while authentic means conforming to fact and therefore worthy of belief and trust

Antonyms: counterfeit, false, illegitimate, sham, unreal

Definition of REAL:

Real describes something that is true and authentic or something is very important or significant.

(adjective)

1. An example of real is an actual designer purse as opposed to a fake.

2. An example of real is a serious problem.

re•al adjective

1. true; not merely ostensible, nominal, or apparent: the real reason for an act.

2. existing or occurring as fact; actual rather than imaginary, ideal, or fictitious: a story taken from real life.

3. being an actual thing; having objective existence; not imaginary: The events you will see in the film are real and not just made up.

4. being actually such; not merely so-called: a real victory.

5. genuine; not counterfeit, artificial, or imitation; authentic: a real antique; a real diamond; real silk

Or 1. a. Being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verifiable existence: real objects; a real illness.

b. True and actual; not imaginary, alleged, or ideal: real people, not ghosts; a film based on real life.

c. Of or founded on practical matters and concerns: a recent graduate experiencing the real world for the first time.

2. Genuine and authentic; not artificial or spurious: real mink; real humility.

3. Being no less than what is stated; worthy of the name: a real friend.

4. Free of pretense, falsehood, or affectation: tourists hoping for a real experience on the guided tour.

5. Not to be taken lightly; serious: in real trouble

Everyone seems to be able to achieve the status of being authentic, genuine, and real a part of the time. The amount of this time varies greatly based on how important it may seem to be real as opposed to being in a “role” of being the type of character (or person) you may need or want to be seen as. I believe that too many of us spend too much time “acting” or pretending to be someone else because we are not comfortable being who we actually are… I also believe that these “roles” are so comfortable and prevalent that we often do not have a good idea of how to be authentic, genuine or real because we DO NOT KNOW who we actually are… In fact, this lack of self-knowledge, self-acceptance, personal insight, and authenticity is common, accepted, and often preferred by both the person playing the role and the people whom they encounter. Perhaps it is simply easier than being real or genuine.

What would the advantage be to being authentic, genuine, and real?

Would this make life more satisfying?

Would this help to make relationships more solid or real?

Should people strive to be more demonstrative of whom they really are?

And, how do you get authentic, genuine, and real, and live in this true form?

When you meet a person who is genuine and real do you find that you can “TRUST” that person more easily because they do not seem in authentic? Do relationships benefit from moments when the people in relation achieve an interaction which is sincere and genuine?

When we are born, we are genuine, authentic, and real. But, things get complicated and we develop filters by which we begin to experience the world. These filters may be cultural, or from family values, or political, or burdened by religious teachings. We then evaluate and “judge” other people and interactions based on these filters and we often find ourselves acting in character from the filters which we have adopted. Babies are not born as: “born again Christians,” or Muslin Extremists, or “right-wing” angry conservative Republicans, or “left-wing” “bleeding-heart liberals,” or drug addicted “street people,” or over-educated intellectual snobs, or rabid football fans, or tattooed, NASCAR enthusiast. The babies are exposed to these philosophies and adopt these characteristics from the role models they live with. With that said, are these developed personalities authentic, genuine, or real?

How does common sense, or the lack thereof, play a role in living as a genuine person?

Is the definition of “phony” (or acting “fake”) the opposite of authentic, genuine, and real?

When the time comes that a person realizes that they are not as authentic as they may want to be, how does a person find their way back to an authentic self? And, how will they really know that they have gotten to that internal place of being genuine, real, and authentic? (Is it a feeling of insight or can it be understood by an evaluation process?)

Does being “real” allow for unfiltered, inappropriate, snarkiness and uninhibited impulsivity? In this day and age, many people express themselves through a cynical, sarcastic, and caustic style that seems to be in vogue with many celebrities and pundits that are allowed vast amounts of media exposure. As a society, the tolerance, acceptance, and celebration of this style of behavior appear to communicate the insecurity and need to be condescending toward fellow citizens. This lack of tolerance and respect seems endemic in our culture. Why do we have to put other people or concepts down just to aggrandize ourselves or our opinions?

Also, is there a time in people’s lives when they realize that they have been chasing a dream or expectations that may prove unsatisfying for them? When we are young do we impulsively strive for a cultural expectation of “success” that during “mid-life” (mid-30’s to late 40’s) changes dramatically causing dissatisfaction and unhappiness that can cause dramatic changes in career choices, relationships, and lifestyles? Would better self-awareness with authenticity allow for greater life satisfaction before, during, and after these mid-life travails? Does the desire for mid-life change denote a need to strive toward greater self-awareness, authenticity or genuineness?

Leadership is something all teams need for success, but it’s not always something easily defined or developed. We can’t say do this and do that and you’ll be a great leader for your volleyball team. Here are a few tips to help you move in that direction, though.

Tip #1: Be a model player

A leader need not be the best player on a team, but they do need to represent its ideals. This is mainly about attitude and effort. Leaders turn up on time and follow team rules – written and unwritten. They work at least as hard as everyone else. They don’t complain or whine, but instead get on with what needs to be done. Leaders don’t make excuses. They also respect the coach(es) and everyone else associated with the team. I could go on, but I think you probably get the idea.

All of this may sound like stuff that isn’t part of on-court leadership, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. It is the foundation of being the person the other players look to when it’s competition time. A leader doesn’t just turn up for match day and have everyone follow them. They earn that right by what they do in training, at meetings, during strength & conditioning work – basically in every facet of being part of the team.

Tip #2: Communicate

It doesn’t take a loud voice and a constant stream of chatter to be a good leader, but it does take the ability to communicate with teammates. Talking is the most obvious example of this, and all leaders do need to be able to speak at the right time and in the right manner for the circumstances. Communication can just as importantly come from a look, a pat on the back, or a gesture, though. It’s about being connected with teammates and making sure everyone is on the same page.

Tip #3: Put the team first

You cannot be a good team leader and a prima donna at the same time. A strong leader is focused on the team’s objectives, not on their own. Even if they are the best player, a leader nevertheless keeps the focus on the team, not on their own performance. They don’t let their own success or failure individually impact how they interact with their teammates, knowing it’s the team’s success which is what’s important at the end of the day. This is perhaps the hardest part of on-court leadership as we all tend to get caught up in how we are playing, especially if we’re struggling. A good captain puts that aside for the sake of the team.

Think of the word respect and how someone earns it. That will take you a long way toward understanding what you need to do to be a good on-court leader for your volleyball team. Leadership starts with respect. Everything else builds from there.

I sometimes hear from wives who feel as if their husband is lacking in maturity, especially when he starts expressing concerns about the responsibilities of being married. I heard from a wife who said: “my husband left me and moved out last weekend. I kept asking him why he would do that to me and he finally admitted that he ‘just didn’t want the responsibility of being married.’ We have only been married for a couple of months. I asked him what specifically was the problem. And he said that he just always felt like he was responsible for me. He said that he didn’t like that every decision from his job to his lifestyle are now decisions that he can’t make only for himself without considering me first. I think this is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. I mean, I have to think about him also when I make decisions about my life because we are a team. And I am perfectly fine with that. Some of our mutual friends say that this is just a phase he is going through. They say that they know that he loves me and he will eventually change his mind. Will he?”

I couldn’t tell this wife if her husband was going to change his mind. But I could tell her that this is a common issue, especially early in marriage or when the issue of children or security come up. And quite frankly, most wives react by trying to pull him in even tighter, but this is honestly the worst thing that you can do. Here’s why.

When He’s Already Scared By The Responsibility, Trying To Pull Him Closer Makes Him Feel More Trapped: It is just human nature to grab for something that we feel slipping away. When someone we love begins to pull away from us, then we want to hold on more tightly because we fear them leaving us. And this is normal and it’s also certainly understandable. But you need to know that clinging this way will bring about risk. Because when he feels you cling, that panic about responsibility will be even more pronounced and he may want to leave that much more. So, as much as it is natural for you to want to hold on more tightly, it you are hoping he changes his mind (or even comes back home if he’s already left,) then I believe that there’s a better strategy.

Give Him Enough Freedom To Alleviate His Claustrophobia And Allow Him The Room To Miss You: I know that this is probably a scary proposition right now, but sometimes the best thing that you can do is to appear to be his ally. If you can, try to give him more space at home so that he doesn’t need to move out. Offer to give him some room and distance. If you absolutely have to, offer to stay with friends for a little while to give him the time he needs. I know this doesn’t sound all that great, but it is often a much better choice than clinging so tightly that he pulls even further away from you. If you give him space so that he has no reason to leave, then often his feelings of claustrophobia will wane and the issue will sometimes resolve itself (or will at least be fixable.)

Examine Your Marriage For Any Possible Contributing Factors: I’m not saying that you are smothering your husband at all. Please don’t take it this way. But it can help to see if there is any reason why he might be overwhelmed. Some men feel overwhelmed regardless of how laid back their wife is or how healthy their marriage. But ask yourself if he has any legitimate reason to feel the way that he does.

Is it possible that he doesn’t have enough time with his own friends? It is possible that he feels solely responsible for your household finances? Or that he handles all of the household responsibilities? The reason that I ask this is because if any of these things are possible contributing factors to him wanting to leave, then these things should also be an easy fix. You could stress that you will share financial responsibility. You could take over some of the household chores. Or you could give him a little more freedom. Of course, this is only if these things are applicable. Some husbands feel overwhelmed regardless of how evenly things are split.

So to answer the question posed, although I can’t predict if this husband will change his mind, I do suspect that the wife could make this more likely by giving him some space and trying to evaluate to see if there were any improvements or adjustments that could be made in their marriage or their lifestyle. Because even if she were justified in arguing with him, a man who already feels overwhelmed isn’t likely to listen to reason.

When raising quail and keeping a flock during the winter months. Some preparations will have to be made. Obviously it is best to have some type of quail house that keeps out the cold winter drafts. As you know from brooding the quail chicks, cold drafts can be a major enemy to raising quail.

If a quail house is not available then you will have to shelter your quail from the elements in another manner. You could build a small boxed in enclosure, in the quail’s pen, with just a big enough opening for them to enter and exit. This would help in giving your quail a place to covey and avoid the winds somewhat.

You should have a minimum of 15 to 20 quail per pen to create a covey for warmth. Also if you are not raising your quail in some type of quail house and have them on wire off of the ground. You will definitely want to at least take a tarp and drop it completely around the coops from floor level to the ground. It will help prevent drafts from coming up through the bottom of the cage. This is very important. On real cold windy days, it would be a good idea to cover the entire cage. Just make sure to allow for some ventilation.

You can also put a small wattage light bulbs in the quails covey area. This can offer them some help with warmth. I prefer a colored bulb enclosed, so they can’t come in contact with it.

Another problem with raising quail in the winter months, is water icing up. You will have to keep an eye on this, to make sure your quail always have water available. Never add anything to the water just to keep it from freezing, the additive would probably kill your quail.

Hay is usually a great winter bedding for warmth but would have to be changed at least on a weekly basis. As you should know, the problem dropping build up can cause. Should not be much of a problem in the winter but why take chances with your quail.

In the wild they covey in very thick brush and grass to avoid the elements the closest you can come to creating that type of environment the better your quail will do.

You have probably raised your quail from eggs and have been observing them ever since. If you have, then you should have some type of idea from their actions, if there is a problem. The quail have a way of telling you when they are under stress and need some type of attention. Learning how to read them is all part of raising quail.

So when preparing your quail for the cold winter months, use a lot of common sense and observation.

Give the quail cover from drafts, rain and snow. Make sure they have drinkable water not ice and enough quail in the same pen to create a covey. Giving the quail a little help with a man made heat source would also help.

Some of the most successful individuals in the world are dreamers. Or should I say, dreamers who succeeded. It’s not easy being a dreamer and pursuing a dream. Many people are dreamers but few pursue their dreams. Upbringing has a lot to do with that. How you were raised by your parents, for the most part, dictates whether or not you will pursue your dreams. Many parents will tell their children then can become anything they want in life, but then put their thumb down on their children when they feel their children express an interest in pursuing some dream that has an unlikely probability of being realized. The fact is most dreamers who pursue their dreams fail. They fail because they quit. They give up on their dream. They are influenced by those around them to take the well-marked road of life, traveled by the masses, instead of the road that has no markers and, worse, leads you to other roads that also have no markers. You see being a dreamer means you are one of those oddities in life. You are on the outside looking in at everyone else who is doing the safe thing. Being a dreamer is fraught with so many risks, so many variables. It is, quite frankly, a miracle that we have any dreamers at all who pursue their dreams. So, you see, being a dream pursuer is a very rare thing indeed.

Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, was a dreamer. He spent years, uncompensated, interviewing Andrew Carnegie (founder of Bethlehem Steel, at one time the largest steel manufacturer in the world). Mr. Carnegie agreed to share with Mr. Hill, at length, his secrets to financial success. There were many secrets and many lessons to be taught. During this very long and drawn out process of interviewing Mr. Carnegie, Mr. Hill’s family and friends urged him to stop wasting his valuable, uncompensated time with Mr. Carnegie and get a job like everyone else. Mr. Hill acknowledges that he considered quitting many times. Only by sheer willpower and a fanatical desire to pursue his dream of uncovering the secrets to success was Mr. Hill able to continue on. Although he wavered, and often, he kept at it. He continued to pursue his dream. It was not easy but we all know how the story ends. Think and Grow Rich is still today a bestselling self-help book. To date, it has sold over 30 million copies. Simply amazing! What would have happened if Mr. Hill listened to his family and friends and quit?

The Downside of Being a Dream Pursuer

There is a cost to being a dream pursuer. It takes a commitment of time to pursue a dream. There may also be a financial commitment. What you lose in pursuing a dream is potential compensation for the time “wasted” on pursuing your dream. You may also lose money invested in pursuing your dream. There is also the emotional turmoil exacted upon the dream pursuer that takes a toll. The ups and downs of pursuing a dream are enough to drive you mad. One minute you sense your dream being realized only to have the rug pulled out from under you. The next minute your dream seems to have gone bust, only to have some event occur that reignites the potential realization of your dream. Dream pursuers know too well what I am talking about here. When your investment in time and money begins to affect your family and, perhaps friends, that is when the pursuit of your dream is challenged. That is when everyone around you will begin telling you it is time to stop pursuing your dream; that you are just wasting your time. You will be told you need to pull your head out of the clouds and stop chasing the brass ring. And these people are all correct. Being a dream pursuer means you are not living your life like everyone else. You are on the outside looking in. Most dreamers end their pursuit when their relationship with their immediate family begins to unravel and come apart. That is when most dream pursuers cut bait. Losing your family is simply not worth the realization of the dream. It just isn’t. The dream dies and the dreamer jumps on the road well traveled; family intact.

The Upside of Being a Dream Pursuer

Dream pursuers who succeed (dream achievers) change the world. They are the reason why we have T.V., radio, airplanes, computers, cell phones, software applications, frozen food, toys, no more black death. Dream achievers change the world in which we live and reap untold financial rewards. Rewards that cannot be spent in five generations, let alone one generation. Dream achievers alter the course of humanity. They prove everyone else wrong and the masses jump off the road they were on to jump on the road traveled by the dream achiever.People are sheep. The are risk averse followers of the crowd. That is why when a dream pursuer succeeds, he takes on a new status. He becomes god-like.

If you have a dream you are pursuing, congratulations. I applaud you. Most likely, you will quit at some point. Most everyone does. But I hope you don’t. I hope this article gives you the inspiration to continue on; to will yourself to continue pursuing your dream. The world depends on dream pursuers. Without them we would still be living in caves and painting on the walls.

“Don’t believe everything you think.”

– Byron Katie

Since I’m not one to sit around after 30 years of effort and tell myself, “Try harder,” I decided to investigate this private realization. As it would happen, this “you are in charge of your thoughts” declaration is absolutely not true. But you knew that already.

What we CAN control is our response to these thoughts. But these thoughts just come on in, unbidden. You can purposely think a statement or affirmation, sure, but what gave you the thought to think it? Ha! Gotcha. It just popped in, right?

Jung had a term called the Collective Unconscious; the Vendata Community has a term, “the causal body.” Both of these explain that thoughts are coming from SOMEWHERE (call it God, Reality or from the Great Beyond), but they are not originating FROM YOU. You are BEING thought!

You’ll notice you are digesting food and taking in air in the very same way. It’s just happening. Your agreement with these processes is not required. It will happen with or without your vote. Sit for a moment and notice this.

So, what is my point?

Well, I had, er, a THOUGHT ‘came in’ that suggested that I write an article about this to you; to allow others to have access to this same insight. At this point, this information may seem like AWFUL news, because you apparently don’t have control over your thoughts. But isn’t this realization also kind of freeing?

If you are not the thinker, than you can just observe the thoughts, and decide (you still have free will) which ones to emotionally or physically respond to. So, you can have a feeling or execute an action. Or you can dismiss the thought altogether.

Byron Katie, of “the Work” fame, anchors her entire program on this premise. She tells us that every stressful thought is a lie. Doesn’t that sound INSULTING at first glance? But what she means is, if the thought is upsetting to us, it isn’t true. It is going against reality or our own truth or both.

“I’m too fat and ugly” could be a thought that pops in when you look in the mirror. Is that true? Are you really TOO fat? Are you considered ugly by everyone? Even your dog? Well, maybe you could lose some weight, but currently, you are as big or small as you are. It’s just a fact. You’re alive and seem to be mobile (you walked by a mirror, right?) so perhaps the definition of fat is subjective. Are you REALLY grossed out by yourself or are you trying to program your view to match some societal opinion that is repeated a lot on TV and at night clubs?

If the circumstances were different and you were on a deserted island with no food, are you too fat now? Or are you properly equipped to withstand isolation until help arrives (compared to your size 5 friend who is definitely not gonna make it past the first month?).

Yes, yes, I hear you. You think this is crazy and will keep you alone and judged by your neighbors and co-workers if you adopt this new way of viewing thoughts. These various people that walk around noticing your outfits and your hair and your butt (and seem to be very important to you—maybe more important than YOU are to you). They really are focused on YOU, aren’t they?? Well, since you have been trying to please them since you were about 12 years old, and haven’t really measured up consistently -if ever—what do you say we stop worrying about the thoughts THEY have randomly entering their brains and focus on the ones randomly entering yours?

Because I have to tell ya, it is actually a lot of FUN to watch them pop in and out all day. And knowing I get to decide which one to attend to and which one to ignore, makes me feel VERY In charge, not out of control. How about trying it my way?

It’s just a thought….

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” – Byron Katie (Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life)

There are five important factors of health.

1. Physical

2. Emotional

3. Social

4. Intellectual

5. Spiritual

Spiritual health involves one’s values, beliefs, and purpose in life to create an overall balance.

It influences behavior and finds a sense of direction by which we choose our actions.

It creates a “reason for being” in this life and a meaning beyond the physical horizon.

Benefits of spiritual health include compassion, love, forgiveness and fulfillment.

Peace of Mind

Peace of mind gives us a sense of control over circumstances in life.

It invigorates the senses to enable us to focus more easily on mental and physical activities with freedom from stress.

The more tranquil and relaxed a person becomes the happier their lifestyle becomes.

Purpose

Without a purpose in life the individual becomes a drifter.

Negative thinking substitutes reality with fantasy with no genuine self-sacrifice to pursue the things one truly desires.

Laziness, inferiority complex, dysfunctional friends, wrong relationships and ignorance are contributing factors.

Self Worth

Self-worth is important because it influences our choices and decisions in life.

It means paying attention to one’s own physical and mental health issues as a valuable human being who is worthy of love.

It encourages a healthier outlook that helps to improve focus, strengthen relationships and to find fulfillment.

Vision

A vivid imagination creates a sense of the future and determines what you will do to reach it.

A mental image of a goal creates the steps toward its realization.

The more real you visualize that goal, the more motivated you will become to make it happen.

Fulfillment

The mind drives life.

Fulfillment leads to joy and contentment:

*Following your inner passions.

*Being satisfied with life.

*Acceptance of who you are.

Ethics

Ethics are moral principles that guide behavior for the individual and society.

They are shaped by social, cultural and religious influences to reflect beliefs in terms of human behavior.

For the individual, it creates a sense of right and wrong through the conscience to govern a person’s thoughts and actions.

For a community, thieves, murderers, and other criminals lack the moral standards generally accepted by a good society.

Hope

The Bible tell us to abound in hope.

Like an early morning sunrise, we all want our lives to be touched with the light of hope.

Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Hope is a feeling of expectation for things to change for the better in times of hardship.

It is a desire with anticipation that reduces feelings of helplessness and stress.

Faith

Faith is a conviction, or trust in a Higher Power.

It gives us the capacity for transcendence (experiences beyond the physical level) to seek questions about spiritual realities that we believe but, cannot see with our physical eyes.

The Bible teaches that “faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

-Hebrews 11:1

Spiritual Intelligence

Spiritual intelligence helps us to understand:

*The mind and soul.

*Determine what is right or wrong.

Give us access to logic and reason.

We develop spiritual intelligence by being:

*”True to thyself.”

*Living in tune with our values.

Competition is the inside drive that motivates a person to always become better than he/she has ever been before, or to be better or dominate the other person. Competition is a high mover among college students, and of course this will have some consequence on the way that they study or act. Students who are more competitive are likely to have been more involved in activities.

It has been told that people such as athletes, are highly motivated in order to keep themselves competitive. Athletes must compete daily to keep their athletic capability up to the rank needed by their peers. On the other hand, we don’t need to think that a college athlete who is so driven and competitive would also be just as driven in other areas, such as making grades. However, people can be just as competitive as athletes for things such as succeeding or getting better grades.

When it comes to competition, males are viewed to be more competitive than females. However, recent studies show that there is no evidence that males are more competitive than females. A study showed that leadership positions were given out males were given most of the leadership positions. It turned out that they were actually just given the positions because they were male, and finally the female`s who were better leaders ended up taking over anyhow. So the facts shows that there is no difference in the competitive rank between males and females.

While some people said that a competitive manner will weaken achievement in college students, others concluded that learning itself is a predictive and competitive process. Competition among college students is keep growing, not only is it becoming tougher to get jobs they have to be outstanding students who make good grades and take part in many activities to really get far in the world today. So grades are a big element of a college students life, and one might wonder how competitive a college student must be in order to keep themselves in good position. Anyway, there are a lot of factors more than just grades that may lead to success. This awareness has motivated many students to involve in competition in other activities, useful for developing their lifeskill.