1. Gabriel means: “God is my strength” or “God is mighty.” Gabriel is one of only two angels mentioned by name in the Bible. Michael is the other. Raphael is mentioned in the Apocrypha, which is included in the Catholic Bible.

2. Gabriel appears in the Bible as a messenger on important occasions. The most famous example of this is the Annunciation when he visited the Virgin Mary and told her to prepare for the birth of Jesus Christ (Luke 1:26-38).

3. Gabriel has always had a close association with maternity. An ancient legend says that she announced the birth of Samson. She appeared to Zacharias to tell him that he and his wife Elizabeth should prepare for the birth of a son, John the Baptist (Luke 1:5-25). In the Jewish tradition it is believed that Gabriel instructs the baby while it is in the womb.

4. Although not identified by name, many Christians believe that Gabriel announced Christ’s birth to the shepherds, warned Mary and Joseph that Herod’s soldiers were searching for Jesus, and rolled away the stone that sealed the tomb of Jesus.

5. Gabriel is considered the Archangel of Dreams, Premonitions and Clairvoyance. This came about after she helped Daniel to understand the significance and symbolism of his strange dreams (Daniel 8:16-27).

6. In 98 C.E. a strange letter containing “the Commandments of Jesus Christ” appeared. It was supposedly written by Gabriel and became a relic of the early church. The originals of this letter have never been produced, but copies were sold in England as lucky charms to provide safe childbirth and to protect the owner from evil and harm.

7. According to the Harmonists, a nineteenth-century religious sect, Gabriel visited their leader, Father George Rapp, in New Harmony, Indiana, and even left her footprint on a limestone slab. It can still be seen today.

8. In the Christian tradition, Gabriel will blow the horn to wake the dead on Judgment Day. The Judgement card in the Tarot deck illustrates this. Cole Porter wrote the song Blow, Gabriel, Blow for his 1934 musical Anything Goes.

9. Gabriel appeared to Muhammad and dictated the Koran to him. In the Islamic tradition, Gabriel also taught Noah how to build his ark from the famed cedar trees of Lebanon. Muslims also believe that Gabriel presented Abraham with the Black Stone of the Kaba. Everyone who makes the annual pilgrimage to Mecca kisses this stone.

10. One of the most remarkable stories about Gabriel is the Islamic belief that she invented coffee. One night, when Muhammad was extremely tired, Gabriel brought him a cup of coffee. This not only kept him awake, but also gave him the necessary strength to defeat forty horsemen, and to satisfy forty women.

Prospective homeschool parents have to face fears, doubts and myths that keep them from taking the decision to homeschool their children. This article is an attempt to do some myth-busting, dispel the fears and disqualify the anti-homeschooling excuses that prevent many parents from the awesome experience of homeschooling their families…(yes, not just the kids, the parents get HOME schooled too!)

1. I don’t get on with my kids/ My kids have bad attitudes/ My kids won’t listen to me.

This, to me, is one of the best reasons to homeschool. Instead of running from discipline issues that need to be tackled, loving parents need to embrace opportunities to teach and train their children to be respectful and obedient. They need to learn to reach their children’s hearts, not just apply various methods of behaviour modification and punishment, but actually build heart-to-heart relationships with their children.

Ignoring a problem issue or expecting a teacher to deal with it, does not show love and commitment to children. They will test their boundaries and they need parents to care enough to establish and enforce boundaries. Homeschooling facilitates plenty of opportunities for parent-child relationship-building.

2. I am not well-educated/ I can’t teach subjects like Maths and Science

Research has shown that the level of education of homeschooling parents is not a factor determining successful homeschooling. Even parents that dropped out of high school have successfully homeschooled their children all through high school. Parents who did not have a good school career are often able to fill in the ‘gaps’ in their own education as they progress through various concepts with their children.

Homeschool curricula are designed to be used by parents that are not trained, professionals and for students pursuing self-study. In most cases, clear instructions are given, parent guides and solutions are provided. Some curricula even provide instructional DVD’s where a teacher teaches the new concepts for the benefit of both the parent and the student.

As a last resort, homeschoolers can also do what school-going children do if they battle with a subject – they can go for private tuition.

3. I can’t afford it.

With all the options and choices of curricula available plus free resources available on the internet, there are no grounds for this excuse. Most homeschooling families survive on one income and still give their children a good quality education.

At the very worst, you can limit yourself to spend the same amount as it would cost to have your children attend school, without the extras like school clothing, lunch money, contributions to fund-raising and other school-related expenses.

Since most of your money will be spent on books and materials which can be re-used with younger siblings, you can get a lot of value for your money.

4. My children just LOVE being with their friends

If your children prefer being with their friends, than with their family, perhaps they have already developed an unhealthy peer dependency. This might not seem to be a problem at preschool or primary school level, but just wait until they hit the teen years!

As an alternative, homeschooling enables children to build good relationships with both their parents and their siblings. When their identities are strongly rooted in their families and they have good family values, then children are better able to develop healthy friendships outside the home.

Homeschooling enables parents to choose the social interactions that their children experience. Parents can keep them from negative peer group pressure or bad influences until the children are old enough to gradually be exposed to them and are mature enough to make good decisions and build good relationships.

Homeschoolers don’t just stay at home. They also socialize- just not during school time!

Research has also shown that in general, homeschoolers have better social skills with a wider ranger of age groups than school-going children, whose social interactions are largely limited to their own age group.

5. I don’t have the patience

When I first started homeschooling, I read somewhere that you only get patience if you need it!

The same is true of other character qualities that homeschooling parents need such as perseverance, humility, self-sacrifice, compassion, diligence, etc.

It is through homeschooling that our characters are shaped, moulded and matured and we become equipped to do what we are called to do.

6. I am scared of failing.

I often tell my children that, “Courage is doing what we have to do, EVEN WHEN WE FEEL AFRAID.”

It’s amazing to me how many parents are afraid that they might mess up their children’s education, but they seem to have no fear that some teacher might mess up even better!

When you see how many children suffer for various reasons in the school system, it is even more amazing that parents are willing to entrust their precious blessings to total strangers for 6 hours of the day or more!

As a parent, you love your children like no teacher ever will, you have their best interests at heart and you are able to give them a tailor-made education, suited to their individual needs.

Unless you are not committed to successful homeschooling and dealing with the parenting and discipline issues that may crop up, there is no reason why you should not do an equal or better job than a paid professional.

Now, I am not saying that any parent can be a school teacher – no, I think one does need special training to teach a class of 35 plus children that are not your own in a school situation…but I do believe that committed parents can do a good job in homeschooling their own.

7. Will I cope? I am stressed out already.

Many outsiders see homeschooling only as an added responsibility – the burden of the academic training of their children. However, to give it a different perspective, homeschooling is a lifestyle that brings a lot of flexibility to a family’s day-to-day life. This might be just the thing to help a stressed out parent cope better with the demands of a family.

Since everyone is together, not rushing out in different directions, life is usually simplified. Children are home and can be trained to help out around the house too.

Sometimes a parent may initially need to stop certain outside activities or commitments, like additional church programs, sports or hobbies. However, this is not always the case and many homeschoolers are equally, if not more involved in their communities than non-homeschooling families.

Sometimes these activities just need to be re-scheduled to accommodate the homeschool lifestyle.

Learning to adapt and put family first is often a good thing. I know of too many people whose children are treated like second-rate citizens for the so-called good of the community, so that parents can find approval from their own peer group for their good deeds and commitments!

8. We have such a nice teacher/school.

There certainly are some very nice teachers and schools with good results and good reputations. However, does the teacher or the school’s values match your family values? Will the nice teacher always be the one to teach your child?

Often a school is legally bound to teach a curriculum which may be in conflict with your beliefs. No education is neutral. If you don’t know what your children are being taught, perhaps you should find out the underlying belief system.

No matter how nice the teacher or the school, only YOU have an intimate love relationship with your child and ultimately you are responsible for your child’s education, whether you delegate that responsibility to a school or not.

9. I need more stimulation/ I can’t just stay home / I love my job.

As career-workers, many of us initially find our identity in our job, satisfaction in the approval from our co-workers, boss or simply the pay check at the end of the month.

Choosing to stay home as a wife and mother demands a shift in one’s mindset and accepting that at the end of many days and months there is no tangible reward. You come to realize that raising well-educated, confident and secure children is one of the greatest achievements that one can strive towards. For many of us, its obedience to a God-given calling.

Although the stimulation may be of a different kind to that of a job, homeschooling can be very stimulating for parents as it offers you the opportunity to learn and explore topics of interest along with your children. It affords you the time to enjoy educational trips, tours, outings, co-ops, crafts, hobbies, sport and even home-based business opportunities.

(Many homeschooling parents, like me have website-based businesses that earn them a good income and they get to work at their own pace! See links below.)

10. My parents, in-laws, friends, neighbours or church, etc. won’t approve.

For some reason, we all like to have the approval of others, especially those whom we respect and with whom we have intimate relationships. However, if you and your spouse are in agreement that homeschooling is best for your children, you need to have the guts to stand up for your convictions.

To many non-homeschoolers, homeschooling is a foreign concept and people don’t understand why you are NOT just doing the done thing and sending your children to school.

Sometimes people feel that by your choice to homeschool, you are silently judging their choice of schooling and rating it as second best, so they attack your choice because attack is their best defence.

Ultimately, you are responsible for your children, not your family and peers…and a good answer is to tell others that you feel your choice is best for YOUR family but you realize it may not be the same for other families. You don’t even have to explain your reasons!

Many homeschoolers have had to face criticism and skepticism from outsiders, yet in the end, the ‘proof has been in the pudding’ as they say. Many times, after a few years, others have seen the good fruit of a homeschooling family and they have earned the respect and support which was lacking at first!

Let’s talk about values…

Yours.

What kind?

Family values, personal values, corporate values.

So what are values – and why are they important to creating breakthroughs?

Values are things we strive to gain or keep. They are the expression of what is important to us. Values can be concrete things like money, gourmet food, and fast motorcycles, or they can be abstract things like contribution, challenge, or adventure.

Values, along with our beliefs about what will satisfy our values, have a decisive impact on the choices we make. We make decisions based on our values.

If we believe a proposed action will give us more of what we value, we are likely to take that action. And the degree to which we are likely to take that action, is proportional to the strength of our beliefs and how much we think the value will increase.

We are constantly evaluating whether something is good for us or bad for us-in fact, we can’t help it. It’s part of our design as human beings.

A hidden value system will cause you to make choices that are inexplicable-you will choose Option A over Option B, even though A seems logical. Why, because B violates your unconscious values system.

You can use a consciously constructed values system to help turn your venture into a high performance machine. A lucid value system, out in the open-and arranged hierarchically-this is more important than that, and so on-turned into a values statement-serves as a guide in evaluating your options, and inventing new ones.

In other words, if you understand the values that motivate you, you can deliberately choose actions which will satisfy those values. Which make you feel good, and keep you conflict-free, and internally consistent. You reduce or eliminate your personal friction, allowing you to easily take massive action towards your objectives.

Your values statement also helps you align your various stakeholders, and have them acting in that same consistent way.

Your values system also keeps you from making poor choices, which would throw you into personal conflict. Choices which make you unhappy and gum up the works.

Well understood and clearly expressed values can propel you through the most difficult change periods, and keep you far ahead of the wandering herd.

Here is a list of common (and uncommon) values. This list is neither complete nor definitive. It is a guide. Please add your own.

• Acceptance
• Achievement
• Adventure
• Affection
• Art
• Beauty
• Being Different
• Challenge
• Change
• Commitment
• Compassion
• Competition
• Confrontation
• Contribution
• Courage
• Creativity
• Detachment
• Ecstasy
• Efficiency
• Ethics
• Excellence
• Excitement
• Fame
• Free Time
• Freedom
• God
• Growth
• Happiness
• Hard Work
• Harmony
• Health
• Honesty
• Integrity
• Knowledge
• Leadership
• Learning
• Love
• Loyalty
• Making a difference
• Merit
• Nature
• Partnership
• Passion
• Peace
• Play
• Power
• Prosperity
• Resilience
• Security
• Self-awareness
• Self-expression
• Self-respect
• Serenity
• Service
• Sharing
• Sophistication
• Stability
• Success
• Support
• Teamwork
• Trust
• Wealth
• Winning
• Wisdom

What should you do with this list?

First, make your own list so that you have a better understanding…

Once you have your values list, for the next two weeks, at the start of each day, choose a value from the list and make it your “value for the day”. What you’re doing, in other words, is choosing a “place to stand” for the day.

Let that value become a part of you for 24 hours. Reference all your choices, actions, and conversations against that value. Of course, you’ll notice everything that’s not a match. What there is to do is course-correct.

Let your daily value be a compass by which you guide your day. Let yourself align with your daily value. And notice, at the close of each day, what has opened up. Notice who you now are in relation to you.

Notice what you’ve accomplished. Sales closed, smiles received, offers to do new business, invitations,…

And, of course, notice the feedback from your family, friends, colleagues….

The bible verses about faith teach us to put our trust in God Almighty as the only way to give meaning and fulfillment to our lives. Today we have grown to trust and depend upon various things which are not worthy to be trusted while we left the true help that can sustain us through all uncertainties.

It is unfortunate that many people have equated the success of technology in our generation to the signs and wonders of God, because it appears as if by where we are today technology can achieve anything we desires to achieve, just name them; man has been able to explore the depth of the ocean, conquered almost all the known planets, monitor the earth and her nature closely through satellites, manufactured wonder working drugs, and unimaginable weapons of mass destruction.

Shall we talk about several breakthroughs in different areas of life, or clear cut predictions which have been achieved through very complex technological processes?

All of these have further made man alienated from God. It brought us again to the story of Tower of Babel in Genesis 11 when men rebelled against God by building a tower contrary to the purpose of God for them, they were almost succeeding until God came and scatter their language, and the project could not continue.

Man had always trusted and depended upon himself for all his needs, and sees God as an unnecessary entity much to his detriment. We cannot ignore God and expect to make a success of our lives. Not that He delights in monitoring or teleguiding us, but He loves us too much to allow us to go on our own, knowing fully well that the devil is out there waiting to make us his victim.

The bible verses about faith remind us of our frailties and helplessness without God. It is only through our faith in God that we can achieve anything positive no matter what.

It is true that man has been able to achieve a lot on this planet and that he is unique among all other creations of God, but he has been to achieved all this through the help of God and up to the limit that God has given unto them.

Putting our trust in ourselves or in things that are man made only amount to foolishness because then we are saying that there is no God. Psalm 14: 1-2. The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.

No matter what we choose to believe about God, the truth about Him is glaring and is manifesting everywhere for whoever care to see.

The scriptures gives the authentic facts about God that He want us to know, when you read and study it, He will reveal Himself to you. The bible verses about faith will give you assurance of receiving whatever you are trusting in God for.

You will also see people who trusted in Him for solution to various challenges of life and how He helped them out of the situation. God is real.

Even babies can recognize the difference between a circle and square, using their sight and sense of touch to distinguish between them. However, learning the names of the different shapes is not an inborn ability, but it is a necessary step in your preschooler’s education. Children need to learn the names of shapes so that they can identify them verbally and in writing and compare the various shapes and how they are used. These are basic skills that they will use for the rest of their lives.

Learning shapes helps your child identify objects as well as letters. Letters are made up of circles, triangles and lines – think of the circles in b, d, g, p, q, or the parts of a triangle found in k, v and w. Drawing the curved lines of a circle or oval shape helps your child to write letters such as f, u, m, n, j, and the lines in squares helps your child to write i, l, k, p, q and so on. Often, recognizing the shapes in the letters helps a child to recognize the letter too, important for developing reading skills.

Drawing shapes is also the first step in learning how to draw. Almost anything can be broken down into shapes, such as a house, a cat, a book, a ball – they can all be drawn with simple shapes. This makes it easier for your child to progress from stick drawings to more detailed artworks – and if they have talent, they will use shapes to draw and paint in the future as well.

Shapes are extremely important in basic and more advanced math. Most adults will immediately think of geometry, but shape patterns and spatial perception help your child to develop sequencing and logic skills that they will use later in their school career in subjects like calculus.

We use shapes every day as adults, although we may not realize it. Think about rearranging the lounge furniture, cleaning out the kitchen cupboards or the refrigerator – all done according to the shape of the items in them, and how they will relate to each other. Road signs and markings make extensive use of different shapes, helping us to recognize them before we can actually read them.

Learning about shapes includes learning about 2 dimensional and 3 dimensional shapes. A sphere, or ball, is a 3D circle, and has specific properties, such as the ability to roll, that some other shapes do not have. This is true of all shapes, and your child will be able to make this progression if his or her basic grounding is good.

For kindergarten, children are expected to know the basic shapes, recognize them and identify how they form part of other items. They may also be expected to be able to draw the shapes – not perfectly, but certainly recognizably. There are many ways to encourage and help your child to learn about shapes.

Because shapes are all around us, it is easy to play ‘Find the Shape’ at home, in the car, in the store and elsewhere. Select one shape at a time to concentrate on, rather than trying to find all the different shapes.

A good set of worksheets for preschool will help your child recognize different shapes, see how they form part of other objects, and help them learn how to draw them. Drawing shapes is the precursor to learning how to write, and a good set of worksheets should take you step-by-step through this process until your child is drawing shapes on their own, free hand. Look out for worksheets that combine learning shapes with the use of different colors, as this is particularly effective in reinforcing the shape names.

Sexual harassment is a type of sex discrimination, which is a violation of the 1968 Title VII Civil Rights Act. Although this Act is meant to provide protection, unfortunately, sexual harassment is a type of crime that is common in the workplace. The act of sexually harassing another individual comes in many forms of unwanted sexual advances and/or inappropriate conduct.

If you believe you or someone you love is a victim of workplace sexual harassment, it is important to learn your options. Talk to an experienced personal injury attorney who can help you file a claim and an order of protection against your aggressor. You may be entitled to compensation for any losses and damages you’ve incurred as a result of the sex discrimination. In the meantime, continue reading to learn answers to some frequently asked questions about workplace sexual aggravation.

What is Considered Sexual Harassing?

Examples of workplace sexual aggravation includes uninvited touching or massaging, sexual pestering, sexual jokes or comments, suggestive gestures, obscene letters or emails, sending or showing explicit photos, verbal or physical sexual conduct, obsessive staring, stalking, and more. It also includes bribing employees with sexual requests, or making a job conditional based on sexual requests.

What Type of Sexual Harassment Claim Do I File?

There are two primary forms of sexual harassment claims: Quid Pro Quo and Hostile Work Environment. When an employer is bribing an employee with their job, an assignment, a promotion, or other form of employment advance, or making their employment conditional, in exchange for sexual favors or requests, it is Quid Pro Quo sexual aggravation. When the workplace is too intimidating of offensive as a result of sex discrimination, it is Hostile Work Environment sexual aggravation.

Is One Incident of Sexual Harassment Enough to File a Claim?

In most cases, yes, but it still depends. In the event of Quid Pro Quo sexual aggravation in which an employee’s occupation is conditional on sexual requests by a superior, one time is generally enough to make a case. This means if an interviewee or employee faces denial of employment or promotion upon refusing sexual requests from a superior, they could have a solid case. If an employee experiences one instance of sexual aggravation in the workplace, and the aggravation was not severe, it could be more difficult to label it as a hostile work environment unless more circumstances of the pestering occur.

Can I Get Fired or Reprimanded for Complaining About Sexual Harassment?

Absolutely not. The 1968 Title VII Civil Rights Act protects all employees from this type of discrimination. If you are threatened with your job for coming clean about being sexually pestered, contact a personal injury lawyer right away to learn your rights and protect your job.

Do I Need a Lawyer for a Sexual Aggravation Claim?

If you wish to file a claim for workplace sex discrimination, you will need to hire an experienced personal injury lawyer. They have the knowledge, skills, and resources to properly file your claim, investigate your case, and recover the full and fair compensation you deserve after suffering losses and damages as a result of the misconduct. Without a licensed attorney, it would be very challenging representing and protecting yourself.

Necklace Information-

Everyone loves diamond necklaces, let’s face it who wouldn’t. A diamond necklace can look classical and sophisticated.

As they are worn close to your heart, necklaces were originally designed to attract love and strengthen it. Although this folklore which people strongly believed hundreds of years ago no longer holds true, necklaces which hold diamonds can still create a lot of attention.

It is believed that necklaces where the first item of jewellery to be made or worn. We think this because a construction of a shell necklace was discovered in South Africa and can be dated back 75,000 years ago. Pre-historic necklaces where also made out of animal teeth, bones and claws.

The first gold necklace was made in around 2500 BC. Diamond necklaces are fairly recent trend in the history of jewellery history.

Bracelet Information-

Like Necklaces, diamond bracelets can create a lot of attention. Diamonds in whatever form of jewellery can be admired and loved by many people.

Where did the name ‘Bracelet’ come from? The term bracelet originates from the Latin word ‘brachile’ meaning of the arm. Bracelets have been an item of jewellery loved by people for many years and can be dated back to the Ancient Egyptians of around 7000BC. These were not made out of diamonds but bones and wood and where worn to represent religious or spiritual matters such as scarab bracelets which symbolised rebirth and regeneration.

It can be enjoyable to learn the history of items you with to purchase. Don’t forget that if you purchase jewellery online you can retrieve voucher codes.

Time after time I meet women and men alike who, in spite of failing to cultivate a successful intimate relationship, are afraid to develop Self-Awareness and get a hold on what makes them fail.

Their fear stems from different misconceptions about Self-Awareness. As long as they will not free themselves from these misconceptions and develop awareness, they are likely to keep sabotaging their relationships without knowing what they do wrong and how to change it.

I therefore find it important to describe 6 such misconceptions and emphasize the importance of Self-Awareness to one’s ability to develop a successful relationship.

6 misconceptions about Self-Awareness

Misconception 1: Only those who don’t know themselves well enough need to develop Self-Awareness.

The truth is, no one “knows 100%. who he is”. In addition, many who fail in their relationships – regardless of how intelligent they are (!) – fail for the simple reason that they don’t understand and realize how they harm their relationships. They might lack self-awareness even if they don’t admit and accept it (afraid that admitting it takes away from their self-esteem).

Misconception 2: Developing Self-Awareness involves constantly digging inside yourself.

While it is true that developing Self-Awareness is a process, as one proceeds with the process he isn’t constantly involved with digging inside. On the contrary, the more he continues with the process of Self-Awareness, the more he feels enlightened about the outcomes he attains in view of his ability to consciously choose reactions and behaviros leading to improved intimate relationships.

Misconception 3: Developing Self-Awareness changes you from “who you are” to someone else.

Those believing in this misconception wonder “Who will I be when I become aware?” They think they already “know” who they are and afraid to encounter someone “knew”.

This is not the case. Since developing Self-Awareness is process, it does not change a person over-night from A to B. Rather, it enables him to expand and:

* Become more than what he is at the present time;

* Get to know and understand things about himself he didn’t understand until now;

* Acknowledge and accept traits and behaviors that he denied in himself and rejected until now;

* Become more flexible in his reactions and behaviors as he interacts with his partners, rather than being controlled by automatic emotional and behavioral patterns.

All these enable him to consciously choose his responses and behaviors according to a specific situation, rather than hanging on to automatic behavioural patterns which sabotage him. For example, at times he can be assertive and at times aggressive; at times more talkative and at times more of a listener; at times acting according to his will and at times acting according to his partner’s requests, and so on).

Misconception 4: Self-Awareness is for “lost people” who “are looking to find themselves”.

This is certainly not the case. Self-Awareness is for everybody who feels it’s about time he gets a hold on what makes him fail in his relationships. Self-Awareness is appropriate for those who are truly motivated to find out what’s going on with their life and relationships and get up the courage to understand and realize factors which exert control over them and to take the necessary steps to make a positive change in their life and relationships.

Misconception 5: Developing Self-Awareness inhibits you from being spontaneous, driving you to think and analyze everything.

This is not the case: since developing Self-Awareness is a process, at the beginning you are aware of your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, reactions and behaviors – since only by being aware you can change whatever needs change – but with due time, as you continue with the process, being aware becomes a second-nature to you. It is like driving a car: at the beginning one has to be very aware of each move, but slowly, with time and practice, driving becomes an automatic behavior.

Misconception 6: Developing Self-Awareness is a process which requires hard work and much time, both of which come at the expense of other “important” things in one’s life.

Since developing Self-Awareness is a process, and not a one-time-deal, it is pursued at the pace appropriate to each individual. Therefore, you continue living your life and “doing your stuff” while developing your Self-Awareness at the same time.

Why is it important to reverse the 6 misconceptions?

We all strive to self-develop, self-actualize, reach for our dreams, be successful and have a satisfying relationship. Unfortunately, many of us are unaware as to how we hamper our own success. We are oblivious to what stands in our way from achieving what we want.

Developing Self-Awareness can place you on the right track to realizing how you shoot yourself in the foot and what you need to do in order to change. One way of sabotaging yourself is to keep hanging on to any one of these misconceptions about Self-Awareness, thus continue harming your relationships over and over again.

Getting up the courage to reverse it, develop Self-Awareness and realize how you sabotage yourself, will enable you to make the necessary changes and empower you to cultivate a successful and satisfying relationship.

The last pharmacy I worked in was the best job I ever had because I was older than many retired customers and what I learned from them forever changed how I felt about retirement.

They told me everything about themselves and the world they lived in. I listened intently, asked questions, and observed. It was a priceless education. I soaked it up like a sponge.

I heard many comments and ideas with which I disagreed, but I said nothing. After all, I knew I was getting an education about a world and lifestyle I knew nothing about, but I wanted to learn.

One of many things that surprised me was this comment from an older woman: “I’ve done for others all of my life, and now it’s time for others to do for me.”

To me, that was a shocker. By all means, do for others who need help, but if you don’t do it out of the goodness of your heart, then don’t do it. When you do something kind, please don’t expect anything in return. Family members and others may or may not want to be caregivers, nor should they be if you can take care of yourself. When you can help yourself, you will stay physically strong longer, and your brain will be sharper longer, which is a blessing.

Other than the loss of cognition and physical health, possibly the worst thing older people should fear is dependence. When you become dependent, either by choice or necessity, you lose a part of yourself.

Another thing I learned about retirees is that many did not have enough income, which opens the door to dependence. More than a few had only Social Security income to carry them through the rest of their lives. It’s common for many to retire thinking they won’t need as much money anymore, but they soon find that inflation makes that idea a gross miscalculation. You find yourself thinking you worked hard all of your adult life in anticipation of enjoying a carefree retirement, and when the time comes — it’s a rude awakening that what you did to prepare (or even if you prepared at all) — was not enough.

But there is good news here for those willing to deal with reality. I am a staunch advocate of work. I recall listening to Pastor Rick Warren, author of the very successful book, A Purpose Driven Life, discussing political issues with John McCain, who ran for president against Barak Obama. I remember Pastor Warren emphatically stated, “We are made for work.” Not everyone agrees with that sentiment, but it made perfect sense to me. It gave legitimacy to the phrase, “use it or lose it.” If you don’t challenge your brain and body consistently, it deteriorates.

I bring up the work issue because I saw many cash-poor retirees capable of holding a job of one kind or another, yet they didn’t want to work. I recall one customer, a retired engineer, would clip food coupons out of the newspaper while waiting for his prescription to be filled. He always complained about the cost of his medication, determined not by the pharmacy but by his insurance plan. But, unfortunately, he never seemed or wanted to understand that.

One day, in what I thought was a casual and pleasant conversation with him about his work experience, I asked if he had ever considered getting a part-time job that would allow him to use and share his considerable skills. You would have thought I had insulted his mother. He became angry and reminded me he had earned his retirement, and there was no way he was going to work again. Ever. For me, it was a lesson learned: be careful what or how you ask a question.

On other occasions, women would tell me they would like to have a job but didn’t think they were qualified to do anything because they had been out of the labor market (or had never been in it) for a long time. They could have found work suitable for their talents, but truth be told, they really didn’t want to work. They were settled in their comfortable leisure-oriented lifestyle and were unwilling to disturb it or give it up. That’s easy to understand.

But then there was Margie. She had an attitude that said she could chew you up and spit you out. In particular, she said she was tired of the everyday get-togethers at 4 PM at the local burger place with residents of her retirement complex. All they did, she said, was complain about aches and pains and tell how much they loved (or hated) their doctor, and reminisce about the past and tell and retell demeaning old people jokes. “I’m tired of it,” she whined.

One day Margie began wearing makeup and colored her hair “old age orange” and started to wear what was considered business clothes. She had gotten a job as a clerk at a local auto body shop. Did she look like a million bucks? Absolutely. Soon after, she was showing off a lovely engagement ring. At 78, she had gotten engaged to the 67-year-old owner of the body shop. Was it a miracle? More likely, it was just that Margie took the bull by the horns and took charge of her life.

I understand why people are eager to start retirement. After 40 years of work, you are tired. Retirement provides the opportunity to take a deep breath and finally call life your own. Even with difficulties, the lifestyle becomes a warm and loving friend.

But here’s the thing. After a year or two of enjoying the freedom of retirement, that initial “honeymoon” phase starts to get boring, or the need for more money kicks in. That’s your opportunity to be decisive about what you want to do with the rest of your life. Before you get too tired and your brain and body get too “mushy” to do anything of value, take control of your future. It belongs to you.

The lifespan has increased enormously. More people take better care of themselves, and it’s not uncommon for some to reach 100 or more. So if you retire at age 65 (or before), you may live another 30 years.

Please don’t allow awareness of your chronological age to rule or ruin your life! Indeed, age is “just a number.” We agree that’s true, but we often act as if we don’t believe it when making life decisions. What should concern you is your biological age — the health and vitality of your cells. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m 92, and frankly, I don’t give a rat’s behind what my birth date is. I recently had an extensive test done to determine my biological age, and it’s 74. Trust me; it changes your outlook on life. It gives you the freedom to dare to act upon all the possibilities open to you.

You can have a fulfilling, purpose-driven second life after retirement. You can and should experience the magic of accomplishment in your older years. Remember Harlan Sanders, founder of the KFC chicken franchise? He wasn’t a kid when he decided to start his business. Remember Grandma Moses? If you don’t know who she was, Google her for some inspiration. Or perhaps you are familiar with Gert Boyle, CEO of Columbia Sportswear. She went to the office every day until she passed at 94. Advanced age is not a death sentence. Be confident; what others have done, you CAN do, too, and maybe, a whole lot more!

Myth #1: There aren’t enough eligible partners to go around.

Our fears often cause us to imagine the worst possible problems, and often media comes up with pseudo-facts that corroborate those fears, as in news articles that temporarily electrify the country (especially women) by stating that there are not enough marriageable men to go around. The statistics shown in these articles were later disputed, but the myth persists, because it corroborates our fears.

You only need one at a time. One thing we have a tendency to worry about is whether there are enough suitable people out there. No matter how much you hear about how few eligible men or women there are for your age range, or that all the appropriate ones are already taken, take heart. You are an individual unlike any other, and you have an advantage if you are following a successful dating process.

Out of all the people in your town or city, you only need one, and if you go to the appropriate places where you can meet suitable people, as outlined in the following chapters, your chances of meeting a suitable partner are excellent, and making new friends is a sure thing.

You can have somebody to love. If your family history was difficult, and you don’t know what healthy relationships are, you can feel that you’re doomed because relationships will never work for you. While you may need to do some extra work to correct the damage, you can still enjoy the dating experience, make some friends and even find a suitable relationship.

If you grew up in a problem family, you may worry that you don’t know what a normal family interaction looks like. If there was an alcoholic, a depressed parent, a volatile or violent relationship, a missing parent, or even a foster situation, you may not have witnessed enough normal discussion, decision-making, problem-solving and affection to know how to do it in your own relationship.

Relationship difficulties caused by your lack of healthy role models might be one reason you are dating again. If your past relationship repeated your early family problems you may fear you’ll never be able to love or be loved, but if you follow the right steps, you can avoid repeating those old patterns. Keep focused on your goal of meeting someone with whom you can create a loving relationship. If your problem is difficult, learning to date successfully could cause you to seek counseling or therapy. If so, good for you. You’ll learn what you need to know to date again successfully.

Beating the Odds. If you’re worried that the odds are against you, and that you won’t succeed because few people do, you need to re-direct your thinking. Remember: you have been through difficulties before, you have learned new things before, you will survive this, and it will be worth it.

Each of your life experiences has taught you something, which means you know more that you did the last time. You are following expert advice, which will increase your chances of success. The fact that you’re reading this shows that you care about the result, you’re thinking carefully, and you want to approach dating again from an organized, informed point of view, which will make you more effective and successful.

In my experience as a relationship counselor, I find that people who look for a relationship after losing one, if they do it thoughtfully and with a plan, almost always find someone who suits them better than the last person, because they’ve grown in wisdom and learned from experience. If nothing else, you’ll make new friends. The best way to guarantee a good outcome in the dating process is to seek to make friends. If you set a goal to meet new friends and have good times, you’ll succeed. When you approach your search as a search for friends, you can relax the stringent requirements you would have for a lover/partner. Suddenly you’re free to notice everyone-because anyone could turn out to be a good friend. When you relax and open up your criteria in this way, you will be open to meeting more of the people you encounter, and to finding out about them. Who knows, one of them may have a sibling or a friend who could turn out to be your soul mate.

Remember that “birds of a feather flock together”. In this context, that means if you find good quality people you enjoy, and make the effort to become friends them, you will meet their other friends-who will be “birds of a feather.” Most of the people you meet and like will know other people who are quite similar. Thus, every new friend can bring a network of new people, as desirable as the original friend, into your life.

Myth #2: You Only Get to Love One Person in a Lifetime.

In this day of a 50% divorce rate, it’s getting harder to believe there can only be one person in the world for you, but the myth still persists. There are lots of songs, poems, and movies about the “one true love” you “can’t survive without.”

Anyone who has loved someone for a long time and then lost them naturally feels that there’s no way they can be replaced. Of course, no one who is dear to you and now gone can exactly be replaced. There are many ways to love people, and a number of people you can love. Just as you can love various members of your family differently, and just as you can care deeply about several dear friends, in different ways; so you can also find more than one person who are compatible enough to fall in love with and create a workable relationship.

As much as you loved your last partner, you may be surprised to find that a new person has attributes and qualities you really enjoy; things you never knew were missing before. It’s fortunate that we are able to love more than one person, because it’s so easy to be attracted to someone with severe problems. The point of dating is to find several people who are attractive to you, so you can sort through their character traits and foibles, until you find someone who is not only attractive, but also healthy for you. For this reason, you need to understand how to choose a relationship “from the neck up” as well as “from the neck down”-that is, using your judgment as well as your sense of chemistry and attraction.

At the turn of the last millennium, when social mores were more restrictive, and people didn’t move around as much as they do today, meeting a new partner was more difficult. Today, we have more personal freedom, and neither gender has to wait for the other to make a move, or for a proper introduction. Everyone has more mobility, and a bigger population and more social outlets, to make meeting new people a lot easier. So, today the big question is not “Can I find the one and only true love of my life” but “How, out of all these people, do I choose the one with whom I can really be successful this time?”

Myth #3: Dating is only for the young. You can hear the age myth stated by people from 25 years old to advanced senior citizenhood. I personally know of three ladies who met suitable gentlemen and got married at the ages of 78, 85 and 87. It’s never too late to meet a mate.

Seniors in Love Anecdotes (names are changed)

1. Rose was taking a world cruise. She would be on the ship for over three months of luxury and adventure. At 87, she had been widowed for many years, and her children were not only grown, but middle-aged. She was still active and healthy, and she wanted to take this cruise while she was still able to do it.

One day, the cruise held a party for all the singles on board, and Rose decided to go-perhaps she’d meet some new friends. As people were introduced, she was astounded to hear a man’s name which recalled her past. She went up to him, and introduced herself. It was true- Robert was the very man she had dated as a young woman. Things had not worked out when they were younger, but this time they were not going to lose each other. After getting reacquainted on the ship, they were married six months later.

2. Clara had spent her entire life in obedience to her parents. She stayed home after her father died, to care for her elderly mother, who eventually became demented and difficult. Clara even ran the local post office in the small village she lived in, because she could do that from her home. She almost never went out. When her mother finally died, Clara was 60 years old, and the federal government closed her small post office, and transferred her to a post office job at the county seat.

Here, she met George, another postal worker, and her contemporary. They began having lunches together, and developed a friendship. After a number of years, they both retired and continued their relationship. At age 78, Clara became a bride for the first time in her life, and the ladies of her small town threw her a wedding shower. Seeing her opening gifts, and holding up lovely, lacy lingerie was truly the picture of a dream come true.

3. Vera, 85 years old, had been married to a military officer, and lived all over the world. She and her husband raised several children, and had many grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. Her husband had died a few years ago, and she had moved to California to be close to her younger sister, who was also now widowed. The sisters lived close together, and traveled often together. One day, the phone rang, and when Vera answered, a voice on the other end said “do you remember me?” It was Ed, whom Vera had been engaged to when she was 18. He had tracked her down through people who knew her in their old home town. They hadn’t married because Vera had discovered that Ed had a drinking problem. He had long since become sober, married, and raised a family of his own, but his wife had died a few years before.

Vera decided to go to the nearby city where Ed lived, just for a couple of days, to meet him and talk. Her sister got a call. She was not coming home right away. In fact, she didn’t come home for two weeks. She and Ed were married six months later.

If you ask your friends, co-workers and family members, you’ll hear many more stories of people who met and fell in love at advanced ages. It’s obvious from these stories that age does not have to hold you back from meeting someone to love.

It’s true that when you’re a teenager, an age difference of 10 or more years makes a vast difference in your experience and your outlook on life. Such a difference can interfere with communication, life goals, outlook, and relationship experience. In addition, the social reaction to such a relationship is often very negative. If one partner is underage, a sexual relationship is even against the law.

But, as we get older, life experience and emotional growth even things out. A ten-year or more difference in your ages makes little difference in how well you can conduct your relationship. Don’t focus on an arbitrary numbers difference in your ages. If you are getting along, you have good communication and problem-solving, and you love each other, that’s a precious thing, and far more important than any age difference could be. And if other people have a problem with it, let it be their problem.

Myth #4: They’re all losers or I am. Many myths are based on a negative view of life and love, often because the people who promote them had negative experiences themselves. As we have discussed before, difficult family or relationship experiences can affect your view of relationships and the possibility of being loved.

The following steps will help you find a winner:

• finding quality people to date

• looking in appropriate places

• taking your time before getting emotionally involved

• interviewing new dates, and paying attention to the information you get

• using your network of friends for support, and

• checking up on the people you meet.

Anyone can meet a person with problems-they don’t wear signs so it’s not your fault if you meet someone who doesn’t have his or her act together. However, if you stick around someone who obviously can’t function well enough to be a good partner, you can fix that problem by learning to let go of bad apples. Difficult people aren’t usually a problem if you keep them at a distance. They’re a giant problem if you let them into your life.

Look for people, not perfection. You can be led astray if you are too concerned about categories such as wealth, education, good family, impressive career, fancy car, and designer clothes. To find a quality person with whom to share your life, you must look beyond those surface clues, and deeper into the person.

Con artists of all types know very well how to exploit appearances to lure you in and take advantage of you. If you follow the guidelines which are fully explained in the succeeding chapters, you will not be vulnerable to people who want to take advantage of you.

Scaring yourself about molesters, rapists, alcoholics, narcissists, and other kinds of dangerous types is just another needless worry. Each person you meet presents an opportunity for you to find out who he or she is, and there are more good people than bad people out there. With a little know-how, and proper caution, it’s pretty easy to recognize the difference.

Celebrate Individuality. To get to know a new person, and be known, takes a little time, because each of us is unique. We can’t just say “Oh, he’s a Category A, or a Category B” because people don’t fit into neat, tidy classifications. You can observe someone and think “Oh, she has good manners, she must be educated,” and then find out she has a problem with rage or alcohol. On the other hand, some perfect gems come in rough clothing. Many clients who are in good relationships with wonderful partners have told me “I wouldn’t have looked twice at him if we hadn’t gotten to know each other first.” Or, “She wasn’t my type,” but after I saw her in action volunteering in the political campaign, I realized she was an extraordinary person, with great ethics, and very caring.”

Each person you meet along the dating path has unique personality traits, desirable and undesirable. Giving yourself the time to get to know them enables you to sort them out.

Don’t blame a new friend for old miseries. No matter how bad your history has been, you don’t have to re-create it. You can learn to interact in different ways, and to correct problems that come up. This guide is about dating correctly and successfully. If you feel out of control and unable to follow the guidelines here, you may need to work with a counselor to make the necessary changes, just as you might work with a personal trainer to correct and improve your workouts, or a nutritionist to evaluate and correct your diet.

If your background was dysfunctional and toxic, or your previous partners have been abusive or addictive, you may need to be suspicious of your first choices. That is, because of your early experience, you may be “conditioned” to be attracted to a particular character flaw. That is, the people you automatically are drawn to, and feel comfortable with initially, may be exactly the people you should stay away from. If you know this about yourself, and can resist the pull of the dysfunction, you can meet other, better people to date. If you have trouble changing this focus, counseling can help.

We’re all in the same boat. Everyone who faces dating as an adult has similar worries and insecurities. It’s a return of adolescent feelings from your first dating experiences. If you’re feeling bad about yourself, it’s probably because you’re feeling:

• Vulnerable

• Like a Loser

• Afraid of Rejection

• Awkward, Unacceptable

If so, here’s a simple truth to keep in mind: Everyone feels equally insecure about dating again. Some hide it better than others, some have been dating longer, and have become less nervous, but everyone has been through it.

If you present a friendly, pleasant demeanor and you are open to getting to know people, they will be relieved and pleased. Here is the perfect place to practice the Golden Rule-treat others exactly as you would like to be treated, and you will have plenty of good responses.

Each new situation will produce the above list of qualms, but keep in mind you’re there to make friends. Find the safest-looking person in the room, and chat with them. You’ll feel better, and then you can move on to greeting others. After a few minutes of pleasant conversation with new acquaintances, you will relax, and your anxieties will be forgotten.

© Tina B. Tessina 2020. Adapted from: Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today.