During their lifetime, people experience all sorts of things and go through numerous events that mark them. Being blinded and at the same time guided by love, we make mistakes that sometimes cause us immense pain; that is why breaking up with someone we dearly love is so unbearable at times and we find ourselves in the position of willing to do anything to get our ex lover back.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to get back with an ex lover, but the problem appears when this thought is beginning to be obsessive. No matter how calm and calculated you are in general, when being obsessed with something, you turn into a totally different person and unfortunately the transformation is not in a good way: you become nervous, agitated, hypersensitive, and impulsive.

The more you try, the harder you push, the less you succeed. That contributes to your already amplified anger and, in the end, nothing good comes out of it. The result will always be one on humiliating defeat. But how can that be true? How can all your attempts of getting your ex back be doomed to failure?

Here is why:

1. Your obsession is taking over your lucidity and keeps you from distinguishing sense from sensibility. You simply don’t know when to stop and keep going like a rolling stone towards harming yourself and your ex lover as well. Your ex is just as hurt and shocked as you are and the more aggressive you get by trying to reach him or her when all he or she needs is to stay away from you, the more rejection you generate.

2. Obsessions are crossing the line of conformable love; therefore it is hard to motivate obsessive behavior as being generated by love, but by pure madness. This calls for imminent and necessary separation.

3. Your obsession of getting your ex back is unconsciously putting a strong mental pressure on your ex’s shoulders. Overwhelming at first and harder and harder to bear as your insistence grows, your obsession is suffocating your ex.

4. A broken relationship traumatizes both parties: the dumper and the left-behind. Even if you find it hard to believe and need more and more proof for that, your ex is hurt too. Since time is known to be the best healer in such cases, you both need to spend some days apart from each other and heal the wounds in your hearts. Repeatedly showing your ex how hopeless and desperate you are won’t allow your ex to get over the pain and bad feelings that have led to your separation. In other words, your efforts of getting your ex back kidnap your ex’s time to get back to positive feelings for you.

5. Your obsession of getting your ex back is affecting not only your chances of having a relationship with your ex again, but other aspects of your life again. You will start to neglect your professional and social life, which can lead to a personal disaster. You’d better stop now before it’s too late!

Now that you have seen what can happen if you keep insisting on claiming something that is no longer yours to claim, you also need to know what to do to turn things into your favor. The thing is simple: do not to parasite your ex’s life and understand their need of space. Think of the time you need to spend away from your lover as a necessary detoxifying cure in which you both rid yourselves of hard feelings and pain.

Be patient about it and let time be your medicine. You shall feel revived after this “cure” and your ex will come back to you without any desperation or rage. If getting your ex lover back is what you still want, and then make sure you are ready for a start over; see what good comes out of it.