Going through a breakup is rough and when it comes to trying to get your ex back we often make costly mistakes that pushes them further away from us rather than bringing them closer to us. It’s important to understand that our emotions will often lead us to say or do the wrong things during a breakup. Which is why it is so vital that you don’t contact your ex immediately after a breakup. You need some time off to think of a strategy that will win back your ex.

Before we get into the works on how to win him back, you need to understand why exactly your ex broke up with you in the first place. After all you have to fix the source of the problem if you ever plan to get your ex back. This will require some change on your part, but it’s a change that you must be willing to go through. There is no point in trying to get your man back if you don’t plan to change for the long term. If not, eventually, it will lead back to another heart break.

Let’s explore the reasons why men leave. It’s something that most women do during their first couple dates and it’s an everyday human emotion that a majority of people can’t live without. Usually, after the magic of the relationship wears out women forget to do it at all! I’m talking about admiration… men want to feel admired!

This sounds so simple but it’s true. Polls and relationship studies showed varied reasons of why men leave a relationship, but Dr. John Gray and other experts concluded that men primarily start losing interest and will eventually leave a relationship when they stop feeling admired.

Often we see in movies the guy going off with a prettier face, but that is far from the truth. It’s not about looks at all. A smiley, happy and giggly coworker that showers him with compliments and beams whenever he walks in the room is an incredible admiration builder and turn on for a man that does NOT feel admired at home.

It doesn’t mean that you have to go around like a gitty, giggly, school girl to get your man back. Not at all… men measure how well they are doing in a relationship and how “admired” they are by how happy their woman appears to be with them!

Think about it. When you first met your man you showered him with smiles and compliments, but as the relationship wears on you begin to form other habits that wear him down. Such as nagging.

Now you may believe that you showered him with admiration and that it was something else that tore you apart… that may be true. So let’s explore other reasons that could have caused the break up.

Insecure & Needy

This will work against any man out there. If you’re overly needy and insecure it makes the man feel as if he needs to take on a father like role. Which is really unattractive for a lot of men.

Sometimes it will be perceived as if you chose him just because you wanted to be loved by another person and not because of his own unique qualities.

Business Like

Your man wants to be the alpha, but at the same time he wants a woman that is independent and has a soft vulnerable side. But if you are too rigid or cold this will challenge his masculinity directly. It doesn’t mean that you have to lay down to his every whims… find the right balance and you’ll have your man eating out of your hands.

Boring Routine

It’s common for couples to get stuck in the same boring routine every weekend. Picking up a new hobby or trying out the things that interest your man will spice up your relationship.

Now that you got an understanding on why the relationship ended… the next step is to work on how to win him back.

You will probably feel that you need to contact your ex immediately after a breakup to let him know how much you feel and how much you love him, but doing so will only make the situation worse. If you already have done this you know that it only leads to him getting angry and bickering about the breakup.

That’s why you need to take a true break from your ex. Meaning, no contact with your ex for 3 weeks! No text messaging, emailing, chatting, or any other form of contact is allowed.

The ‘no contact rule’ is the most significant step to getting your ex back for various reasons. It gives you time to clear your head and cool off your emotions… and it gives you time to re-evaluate your relationship. Why exactly do you want to get back with your ex? I hate to break this to you, but sometimes it’s best to leave things as it is… and you’ll know when it’s time to move on, I’ll cover that later on.

During your 3 weeks of no contact there are a few things that you can do to help improve not only how you feel inside, but how you look on the outside as well. So now is the time to start hanging out with friends, going out on dates (yes you can go on small dates it’s healthy for you), hitting the gym, and keeping busy at work.

The number one thing that you should do.. is exercise! Exercising releases endorphins, which acts as an anti-depressant. It will make you physically more attractive, keep your mind occupied, and increase your confidence levels.

Now during the ‘no contact’ time period, your ex may actually call you. It’s okay for ex to initiate contact first. Do you see the key phrase, ‘your ex initiates contact first’, not the other way around. If he does call it’s okay for you to respond, but here are some key things to keep in mind when your ex contacts you:

Do’s –

Keep the conversation short (10 minutes max). Make sure that you end the conversation first. Be polite and say “I’m heading out with a friend I’ll give you a call later.” You don’t want to sound bitter when you say this.

The same rule as above applies when you run into him in person.

Don’t call him back right away. Wait about a day or a day and a half.

Make small talk about whatever, but don’t ever bring up about the relationship or the breakup unless he initiates it first.

Act cheerful and happy.

Dont’s –

NEVER be his emotional support! He needs to heal on his own. During a breakup some men use their ex girlfriends as a way to get over a breakup or as a sex toy. You may think that being their emotionally for him will draw you back together… this is just not true. Unless, he has committed to you.. you should NOT sleep with him.

Act angry, depressed, sad or act rude on the phone. Most importantly, don’t beg him to take you back.

Don’t ask if he is dating or sleeping with other women. Or brag about how many guys are hitting on you.

Bring up anything about the relationship at all. (Unless he initiates the conversation first)

Right now, is the best time to figure out whether or not the relationship you want to save is worth it or not. Sometimes it will do you more good than bad if you move on with your life. Here’s one method that you can use in figuring out whether or not you want to get your ex back.

This is a popular method that is used today by millions of people for various problems. It’s simple, grab a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side write ‘Pros’ (positive) and on the other side write ‘Cons'(negative). Then begin to write down all the positives and negatives of your relationship with your ex. Compare and think about what you have written on the sheet of paper.

Remember, no one else can make this decision but you!

If you have decided that your relationship is worth saving, then congratulations as you are ready to embark on your quest to getting you man back. What you have just learned is the starting point. If you follow the steps above, you’ll be sure to have him crawling back to you but now you need to learn more on how to re-establish the deep connection you once had. And you can find out just how to do that and more below.