Before you do anything it is useful to try and understand your love(er). Of course, deep feelings of sexual attraction and desire are huge motivators but true love runs deeper than that. Words like consider, take into account, respect, favour, affection, honour, involve, concern, connect with, and interest add real value and meaning to a loving relationship – especially for a woman. So, if responding to your base instincts is your primary motivator you might want to reconsider your options and not waste your time thinking about how to get your ex girlfriend back.
If, however, you believe you have lost someone rather special and want her back – you will have to keep those words (clues) in mind as you begin the process of getting her back.
In order to break down that wall you will have to ‘think’ differently and adopt a totally different approach. But, moderate to high emotions and rational thinking, are mutually incompatible. The reason for this is found in the stress response – it can make you do and say really dumb things.
When it clicks in hormones that trigger your emotion also suppress (or switch off!) your ability to think straight. When you become aroused and ‘high’ on emotion you are left (brainless) – with nothing but instinct and this always works against you as you try to figure out how to get your ex girlfriend back.
Think about heated arguments. All wound up and unable to think straight both parties tend to say and do things they regret later on because they can’t and don’t think of the consequences. If you’ve been begging, pleading or stalking your ex – it is all instinctive, unthinking behaviour driven by the stress response. It never works. Hell, – the stress response might even go some way to explain why you broke up in the first place!
To be in control and able to think – you need to act to counter the stress response. The way to do that is to calm down. If you do something to calm yourself your ability to think rationally returns. There are many ways to calm down and you should choose something that works for you. But, one of the most effective ways – is exercise.
When you work out you get a shot of ‘feel good’ endorphins which make you feel better and all your emotions subside because exercise reduces the levels of stress hormone (Cortisol) in your bloodstream. As you calm down you’ll find yourself thinking rationally again.
It’s important to understand that in all your discussions with your ex girlfriend (and anybody else for that matter) if you are the one who is more able to manage your emotion – YOU are the one who is most likely to get their way.Once you’re calm and able to ‘think’ you can start the real work on how to get your ex girlfriend back with a sense of purpose. Everything you do will become easier.
It’s about control. We all have a deep need for a sense of control and if we lose it we will ALWAYS act to get it back. Your ex girlfriend is not immune to this.
Without being smart or malicious – you need to make your ex girlfriend feel as if she is losing her sense of control. The way to do that is to confuse her by being unpredictable. Surprise her in ways that are important to her (remember the clues?) and she will be forced to stop, and figure out what happened just to retain that feeling of being in control and understand what is going on.
In many ways she will have to change the way she sees you and even change some of her memories about you just to explain what you did or said. If she is unable to explain it she will start to ask questions about you. Then you will know she is interested in you.
Your first step is to stop pursuing her. Why? – Because you’re a guy. That’s what you’re expected to do! If you have been pursuing her – suddenly stop! Show her that the future isn’t as predictable as she thought it was. Be available for her but add an element of mystery. Become somewhat elusive and ‘hard to get’.
If you are prepared to make some changes in ways that matter to her, deliver slightly disturbing surprises such that she is forced to re-evaluate what she thinks and believes about you and create desire and attraction by improving yourself – you can get your ex girlfriend to change her mind – and do it willingly – even to the point of begging YOU to take HER back!
Follow your heart – but always use your head!
