What are psychological blindspots? They are parts of us on the mental and emotional levels that we are not able to see or we are not aware. Simply because we are too close to the subject matter, and that’s us.

So for example, we have a habit of saying some things, or we have a habit of doing some things and we are not aware of them because we do them so unconsciously. And we can only see them if someone else points them out to us. We need someone else, standing outside of us to tell us exactly what our blind spots are.

If you had a cake and the cream landed on your nose and you are not able to see it, there is no way you can see that yourself unless you are standing in front of a mirror. So people around you act as mirrors. They tell you what’s on your face.

The thing is, we have no problem having people tell us what’s on our faces because we don’t want to appear silly with cream on our noses so we don’t mind when people tell us this. BUT, we have a big issue when someone tells us about our mental or emotional blind spots. We get all worked up and are like: ‘who are you to tell me this is how I am or this is how I behave’ and so on.

On the route of personal development, we need to be a little bit more open to people telling us what our blind spots. Here’s a suggestion:

You could have a friend you trust to do this thing with you. Create a buddy system where you meet each other once a week or once a month to do this exchange where you share with each other, what you think are their blind spots. Now the trick with this is not to take anything personally because by giving permission to someone to tell you your blindspots, they are doing you a favour so do not attack them in return! Talk about the blind spots in a very factual way without attacking and without blaming, simply addressing them by saying something like: ‘you know when this happens you say that and I believe this is a blind spot so you decide if this is something that you want to be more aware of or if this is something you want to work on. The decision is yours, I’m not here to teach you, I’m not here to blame you I am just here to share’.

An example of a blind spot I want to share is my own experience. You know how you get into spiritual beliefs and spiritual teachings that tell us that everything we say has to be positive. So my thing at the time was that I had to say ‘yes’ because yes is a positive statement. So in my mind, I thought saying yes would be a good thing. However, I kept saying yes to the wrong thing! That was a teaching spiritual belief gone wrong. It taught me the wrong thing, it taught me to not say no to the right thing. What happened was, I kept saying yes to the wrong things and eventually I was burdened with too much to do, too much on my plate not knowing how to say no! What a blind spot!

What do these psychological blindspots do to our psychic bodies?

What are psychic bodies? Our psychic bodies are basically our energy body. Our energy body holds our emotions and our thoughts. When we have blindspots guess what happens? There is a very high chance, if we are not taking care of the blind spots, they become like stubborn stains.

You know the stains we have in our bathroom, or on our clothes, over a period of time the stain is going to change colour, and it is going to look worse and maybe bacteria or mould will build up around it? The same thing happens to the stains in our psychic bodies.

If we allow personal development and consciousness work to take a back seat and we lack awareness of our blind spots, over a period of time there is an accumulation of these mouldy energies. And the interesting thing is that, according to the law of attraction, if you have a build up of pride or anger in your psychic bodies what is going to happen is that it is going to attract even more anger, more energies of pride and over a period of time, you get a psychic tumour.

A psychic tumour is like a physical tumour, it becomes cancerous on the emotional and mental levels. These tumours get lodged within the chakras and the energy body. They also find their places within the energetic level of the liver, stomach, the reproductive system (this is one of the most popular places where tumours find their home). Psychic tumours also create holes in the aura, thereby allowing even more of these energies to enter into our system!

I am not being a fear monger here, but I am just bringing this to your attention because whether we are aware of them or not, they do exist. Sadness, anger, jealousy, they exist, you have experienced them, so where do they reside? Not your physical body, but definitely your emotional/psychic bodies.

You know to take a shower or bath when you are not clean physically, it is important to be able to do the same on the psychic level. Clear them through meditation. I like to offer you this free clearing meditation, it is available on my Fb group (under the announcement tab): https://www.facebook.com/groups/onlinecoffeeteashop/announcements/

Most of my clients are using them because it helps to keep their energy bodies clear. You do not have to be religious or spiritual in any way to use the meditation even though there will be names that will be mentioned in the meditation that may sound kind of spiritual. If you don’t mind that and you just want something to help you like in a visualisation exercise to help you cleanse your psychic bodies, do download it for your personal usage.

Til next time, have a blessed day!

All sorts of players, whether they are experienced ones, the young ones, the adult ones or the pro everyone needs a hand while picking up the perfect cleats for playing soccer. This article is dedicated towards making the right choice and selecting the cleats which are perfect for your feet. Let us start.

Cleats are Cleats!

This point becomes the first guide to buying cleats to illustrate that it is only the technique of the player which matters. The cleats can only accentuate the game. And hence no player should think that purchasing high quality ones would mean a drastic change in the game as it is going to be the endless practice which will make all the difference.

Get to know your style

Whether you are a goalkeeper, or a forward, defender, midfielder or winger, all this is going to impact on the type that you are going to buy. This is because all these styles are different and require a different set of grip on the ground. After identifying the style, go on for choosing the one which fits you best.

What is the type of your pitch?

The sort of playground you will be playing upon also makes a lot of difference in choosing your soccer cleats. If the land on which you are going to play is muddy and wet then you should go for HG ones. If you need one for a year, then turf should be your choice. Go for firm ground (FG) in case of grassy ground. Soft ground (SG) is apt for surfaces which are soft enough to allow the studs to penetrate the ground. If the surface is solid as a rock, then Indoor ones should be your choice.

The material used matters!

There are a number of materials which are used in making them. It can be K-Leather, Natural leather, synthetic leather, synthetic, mesh or knit. The K leather quality allows your feet to get molded properly and it also provides durability. Made up of the skin of a calf or goat, these are very good at the balls. Some companies are working in the direction of using synthetic leather that gives the same effect as that of natural leather. Mesh is a trendy and lightweight upper covering which sometimes allows moisture to reach the skin of the player. Companies are working on the waterproofing technology of mesh.

Weight

The weight also matters a lot. On an average cleats with the weight of 8oz is considered to be perfect as it keeps the things balanced and the player does not feel the heaviness. However, there are some extra light weight which also weigh between 5oz to 6oz.

Budget your cleat

The most important aspect of purchasing is the budget. How much can you spend on it? Usually $150 or above is the elite level where you can purchase the top companies cleats. But to see a minimum of budget, it should be $10 at least which you are willing to spend on.

It is a simple truth that if the criteria of any loan application is met, the chances of getting that loan approved is greatly increased. It is only logical, but it is surprising how many applicants for unsecured loans with bad credit prefer to take a shot at it rather than prepare properly to meet the established criteria.

It does seem a bit foolish, even when bad credit scores are a negative factor in the application process, but it has never been a shot in the dark approach that has seen unsecured loans approved, despite bad credit. A carefully structured approach with every element of the application in order, is always more successful.

The task of getting unsecured loans with bad credit approved comes down to convincing the lender that their investment is safe. After all, most traditional lenders, like banks and credit unions, prefer not to take the risk when there is some semblance of doubt. But by meeting the conditions laid out, their concerns are put at ease.

What the Lender Wants to See

In general, lenders want to know two things before agreeing to issue unsecured loans with bad credit: firstly, that repayments can be made, and on time; and secondly, that the funds will be used for what they are proposed for. Both of these points are particularly important for unsecured loans where the lack of collateral increases the risk factor.

Showing that repayments can be made, and on time, does increase the chances of getting unsecured loans approved, despite bad credit. Of course, it comes down to proving that a regular income is being received, and this is done by simply providing a recent pay slip, a photocopy of an employment contract and the provision of a bank statement. Any of these items can enhance the application for an unsecured loan.

The second criterion to match when applying for unsecured loans with bad credit is to show that there is a responsible purpose for the funds borrowed. This is not usually an issue when applying for an auto loan, or home loan, as the purpose of the funds is stipulated in the loan contract.

However, with personal loans – whether unsecured or secured – the money can be used for anything. This can include heading to Las Vegas for the weekend, but to get unsecured loans approved despite bad credit it is better to provide evidence of a more meaningful use. So, showing that the unsecured loan with bad credit will be used to clear credit card debt, catch up on late utility bills or pay for unexpected medical bills is better.

Basic Criteria to Meet

Of course, there are basic criteria to meet that some applicants seem to prefer to overlook. For example, proof of age is required because lenders are not permitted to give, not just unsecured loans with bad credit, but any type of loan, to people under the age of 18.

Also, proof of citizenship is requested as lenders are not willing to lend to individuals who are not legally entitled to reside in the US. This makes sense as there is the risk that the applicant can get unsecured loans approved despite bad credit scores, but then return to their own country without fully repaying the loan.

Personal loans with bad credit are also more likely to be approved if the proof of employment shows that the applicant has a regular job. Self-employed applicants may find it more difficult to successfully apply for unsecured loans with bad credit as the risk of their business failing is an added concern.

For business owners then, some collateral may need to be provided, making it a secured loan. However, the fact that criteria is met in other respects strengthens the application in any case.

Laser cutters use a laser beam for cutting materials, and are typically used for industrial manufacturing applications. The cutting works by directing the output of a high-power laser, at the material to be cut. The material melts (at the beam path), burns, vaporizes away, or is blown away by a jet of gas, leaving a high-quality surface finish edges. Those CNC machines uses a computer and cutting software that takes a design file and implements it on the material to be cut to produce the desired cut.

Laser fabrication supports the cutting of a pattern within a pattern. Here are some of the materials a laser cutter can cut:

Plastics – Including acrylics, ABS, Lucite, plexiglass, mylar, Kapton tape and styrene

Wood – The laser cutter can cut designs into wood, including personalized pencils, wooden jewelry, wood picture frames, furniture and more.

Foam – XPS foam for RC planes, Depron foam, polyethylene (PE), polypropylene (PP), Styrene. Other material – clothing, paper, rubber.

It allows a level of accuracy and complexity not possible if using conventional machining tools. It is ideal for cutting flexible semi-rigid and soft materials. The laser cutter uses a high-density and powerful light energy running through its laser beam, which in turn burns the material. The laser beam is typically 0.2mm (0.008inches) in diameter at the cutting surface, with a power of 1000-2000 watts.

It will produce any 2D shape, including shapes cutouts and inserts, using a CAD file. Its main advantages are high accuracy, good quality cuts, high processing speed, low deformation of the cut out material and ability to cut small holes and small material (as small as 1m in size). However, cutting thick foam sheets will result in much slower production time than cutting thin layers. In addition, each machine has its own thickness of material it can cut. If the sheet to be cut is thicker than the laser cutter’s abilities, the cuts should be made by layers, and then can be glued together.

There are endless numbers of industries and markets using it to fabricate products: Prototyping, Furniture, Packaging, Cases & instruments inlays, Construction, Robotics, jewelry, ornaments, custom gifts, computer case parts, scale model parts, RC models, art pieces, custom signs, letters & logos and so many more.

Anyone interested in a cutting project done by a laser cutter should gather their artwork and send it in a CAD file format to the cutting services company. They in turn will take a look at the file to determine if it is compatible with the laser cutter and the material requested. Then a laser cutter configuration is needed, including adjusting the power and the speed so that the laser beam will cut through-and-through the material. The laser cutter connected to the computer will read the CAD file as coordinates and will cut according to the drawing.

When recycling, we often give numbers to the materials recycled. Number 1 is soda and water bottles, number 2 is laundry detergent and other containers and number 4 is plastic bags. Then, there is also foam #6 which consists of packaging material for electronics and furniture, food trays and containers, foam cups, egg cartons, foam peanuts and medical coolers, all made of Styrofoam. This type of foam is also commonly referred to as polystyrene, expanded polystyrene or EPS foam.

Polystyrene is one of the most common forms of plastic. The material is a mixture of about 98% air and only 2% polystyrene; it is water and heat resistant, therefore it is an excellent insulator. Due to its popularity, the global demand for EPS and its production is increasing and therefore the need for recycling methods.

While the foam peanuts can be recycled by reusing it, all the other EPS materials need to go through a recycling process that reduces its volume. In order to recycle it, the material needs to be inspected and all other contaminants are removed. Then, the foam is fed into the recycling machines either for cold compaction or thermal densification. The foam can be compacted for volume reduction using a compactor, without using heat. The result is dense logs or bricks that achieve 98% volume reduction. If using the thermal method, the foam is fed to a densifier machine. The densifier uses heat and friction to melt the foam. The machine then uses pressure to push the material into small opening, then extruded as long narrow strands. As soon as the recycled foam is cooled it is cut into pellets which make it easier to be transported. The recycled foam is then shipped to other manufacturers for creating new plastic products.

Recycled foam Number 6 is a great source for creating new cost-effective materials and products. For instance, it can be utilized to create picture frames, pens and office supply, clothes hangers, curtain rods, outdoor furniture, CD cases, toys and pony packs for growing and transporting seeds and plants. It is used for creating interior and exterior architectural mouldings, ornamental home décor and SIPS (Structural Insulated Panels). Recycled EPS can also be mixed with wood or concrete to serve as excellent building insulation agent, since it is water, mold and decay resistant or it can be used to produce additional foam packaging material.

Using recyclable foam rather than the raw original material to create new products has many benefits. It saves natural resources, it reduces littering and pollution, it saves landfill space and uses less energy. Recycled foam has real value for manufacturers of new products willing to pay well for the recycled material. Recycling foam has become much easier and more efficient in recent years with the advances in technology; recycling equipment now reduce the volume of the foam by up to 95% its original size and requires much less labor than it used to in the past. Recycling basically results in reduction of landfills and creates a more sustainable green environment for us all.

Can your business be franchised? If you have a thriving business that is receptive to a regional or national system of marketing then franchising may be the right choice. To help you ascertain if your business could be franchised, assess some of the qualifiers described below.

First, evaluate yourself as a prospective franchisor. Franchising is more than the business of selling services or products. You will also be a mentor, coach, and you will be perpetually supporting your franchisees. You will also be a collecting an initial fee for the franchisee to begin business and then receiving royalties for the life of the franchise.

Always remember to permit your individual franchisees the flexibility to administer their own businesses and always allow them act as independent business owners, not employees. It is important you thoroughly set forth the guidelines of the Franchisee relationship in the original contract, the Franchise Disclosure Document, and all communications to franchisees.

Don’t consider franchising your business unless you have an identified, local market for your product or service. Marketability is established by need, and need is determined by competition. If you have a unique way of operating a business and you have a unique business model, it is feasible you could franchise it.

Demand is the essential force here. It is just as central as uniqueness. Your unique product or service must be desired not only by the business people who wish to buy franchises from you, but also by the people who will buy products or services from those franchisees. If your product or service is relatively new and not broadly offered by anyone else but is in demand, you first must determine where your products or services would sell, based on the requests of your present customers.

If your product or service isn’t new, you can hire market research firms to create reports on the types of consumers in various regions. You can also perform your own study on the Internet. Government agencies can also provide demographic information and market research data. The U.S. Department of Commerce, Bureau of Economic Analysis, and the U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics has conducted extensive studies on regional consumer behaviors. Search for “consumer habits” on these government websites. If your product or service is unique or in demand, secure this uniqueness through the use of a trademark, for a product, or service mark, for services, so that the public connects your product with a particular trademark. Apply for a registered mark as soon as possible, before the first franchise agreement is offered and reached. Determine that no other entity has already obtained the rights of your mark. You can do so for less than $600 by contacting one of many trademark search firms or by visiting online at http://www.uspto.gov.

Before you commence your franchising plan, prepare a comprehensive business plan so you can look at the financial expenditure each new franchisee will require to get up and running; then contrast that with the revenue you can expect to receive from fees, royalties, and sales. Include costs that are specific to franchising, such as operating costs such as salaries and benefits for you and head office employees, trainers and sales staff; as well as rent, office equipment, car allowances, and travel. Include the cost of finding franchisees — ads, traveling to franchise shows, preparing brochures and videos, and entertaining. Add an adequate amount for startup and ongoing legal, accounting, and advertising fees.

Be very conservative on the timing and income you require from your franchisees. You will have determined the mixture of franchise fees, royalties, and product or service sales that will produce income from your franchisees. Estimate when you expect these revenues will paid, instead of basing your predictions on how your business worked in the past.

Nowadays everyone seems to speak about this; every time they cross a person who has a bad day, the tendency is to tag them as “people with anger management problems”. So, it seems like a new stuff, but how new is anger to the world?

The thing is that now, instead of kicking someone else’s ‘derrire’ like on the old time, we just get into a program to help us overcome this attitude.

So what is anger and how does it manifest? Anger is a very common and destructive attitude that can basically focus on anything: people, animals, inanimate objects, etc. When we get angry, the tendency is to exaggerate the bad qualities of the ‘offender, which makes us feel the pressing desire to hurt him/it.

We forget about the ‘good old times’ and build up a very negative image that makes us see all defaults and forget about the qualities. Though for many people this is just a temporary situation, all the damage created in that short period of time could, in some cases, have disastrous consequences for us and others. Have you ever been involved in a fight with your spouse where all that he/she says just has a tendency to irritate you more and more?

Notice then, when we are angry we built an imaginary castle around our mind, a filter that blocks good images and qualities, creating unrealistic faults and even non existing situations. So what, are we all mad? Absolutely not, we all go sooner or later through anger phases, it is a normal human emotion, the trick is learning how to control it, overtake it and how to prevent falling on the ‘same old trick’ of anger knowing that it is extremely destructive. And yes, you do have the right to be angry; but anger should not take control over the situation and your life.

One of the main causes of problems that destroy many couples is the lack of use of anger management techniques. Sharing our lives with that special person, puts us in a situation where we have to live in close contact with them; share our time, friends, home, secrets, habits, etc… In times we can guess (and them too), with an incredible precision their shortcomings and even anticipate certain situations. When we live in a close relationship, it also brings more opportunities for disagreements to arise, in this cases we must not only learn how to develop our love, but also our patience if we do not want the relationship to head for failure. Why waiting for a ‘better time to tell him/her how I feel’? Perhaps it will come out wrong the day you say something, just because you held yourself for too long and anger takes over.

Are those happy moments becoming fewer and fewer, have they been replaced by never ending discussions? or, are you the kind of person that keeps all that anger inside waiting ‘for the right time’ to pour it all out?

In a way, you could be like a sleeping volcano, nevertheless very dangerous. Have you replaced in your mind those happy times by: ‘he/she is a pain in the back’ phrase?

Anger only steals from you the possibility of internal peace, joy, fulfillment, good sense; it could jeopardize your job/relationships, and much, much more. Are you ready for that?

There are several techniques that we use with clients dealing with anger management in our practice; I hope they will be to you as useful as they are for them:

• Identify whatever triggers your anger. I have heard things like: the tone of voice when asked to do so and so, impoliteness, speaking to them while on the phone, lies, forgetting stuff, etc.

Recognize that as you make mistakes, others can make them too. Patiently show them the right way, or the way you prefer things to be done.

Acknowledge your anger taking over you, and replace it by positive behaviors. You will be surprised with the amount of patience and peace you will develop. Practice makes the master, practice, practice and practice.

Acknowledge that you cannot change or get rid of people that could eventually enrage you, but can definitely learn how to control your emotions.

Using relaxation techniques; such as: breathing, using soothing mental phrases to help you relax, changing or replacing mental picture of the problem, among others.

Instead of looking for a solution to the problem that makes you so angry and frustrated, work on a positive plan to face it or handle it.

These, among many others, are some of the options we could use to manage anger. It is important to know that anger cannot be completely eliminated (and it is also not advisable to do so), but you can certainly learn how to take control over it and become a more assertive and happy person.

If you feel that you probably need help to regain control of your life, if you have the impression that managing anger is something you cannot do on your own; do not hesitate and get in touch with someone who could help you develop techniques for changing that negative and damaging behavior.

Yuri Ferrer

What a fricking year this has been! We have all been battered and thrown around like a piece of driftwood in a tumultuous sea of chaos, confusion and uncertainty. It’s a fact! Some of us have come out more scathed than others, but regardless it has been horrifically rough in some way for every one of us!

Depression and Anxiety are a daily experience for many and Alcohol consumption is at an all time high. Suicide rates are through the roof and school age children are experiencing spontaneous crying due to the heavy and unidentifiable emotions they are experiencing.

As we all “just keep swimming” through life as this year wraps up, I was out running some errands the other day, just to get out of my mind and my house. It was an emotionally rough day for me and it took everything I had to keep the tears from oozing out like a leaky faucet.

During one of the stops I made, the gentleman clerk asked me how I was doing. My response, with a cracked fake smile behind my mask was, “I am doing great!”

I knew it wasn’t the truth, and likely, he probably would have called my BS had he known me better. Regardless, I mustered through the rest of my errands quite anxious to get back to the safe place I call home. All I wanted to do was bury myself under a blanket and pop on some Netflix to distract myself from the heavy emotion. I’m pretty sure I went to bed at 7:30 pm that night just to get the day over with.

The next morning I woke up and the brief interaction with that store clerk came to mind. I thought to myself, “No Tracy you are not fine and why would you say that you were?”

While I know that nobody want ts to hear a sob story, I certainly could have been a little more honest and vulnerable.

Then I continued to ponder what that conversation would have looked like on my end had I been 100% honest with that man, and more importantly myself.

Pardon the rant but there is a message in all of this. I actually felt 100% better after I had my little rampage. It was about honoring and acknowledging parts of myself that needed to be heard.

It would have gone a little like this…

Store Clerk: How are you doing today?

(applause from the higher beings)

Now please don’t think this is the victim attitude I carry through life because I am very optimistic and grateful. My point in sending out this message is that I actually felt so much relief when I got honest.

While I did not dump all this on a stranger, I took the time to share my vulnerability and rawness with myself. I gave myself permission to talk about how sucky the last year was and the impact it has had on me.

I know most of you are like me and want to remain positive and hopeful, however, it is important to assess the impact that all of this (COVID, BLM, the riots, the fear, the fires, the election, the empty grocery store shelves, the lost jobs, the quarantines, the deaths, the broken relationships, the loneliness, the drama, the conflict) and anything else has impacted your life in any way.

So as a Self-Love Mentor, I am giving you permission to get honest, get raw, and get vulnerable with yourself. This year has sucked! This year has been hard! And this year has been like nothing else we have ever been through or ever want to go through again!

So give yourself five minutes, open a blank WORD document or pull out a piece of paper and a pen and start dumping. Have your own rampage about what you have been through. And you dont even have to limit it to 2020. You can throw in some old stuff if you need to from 10, 20 or even 40 years ago.

Let it flow and if the emotions come too, allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. This is a healing exercise that every single one of us needs right now. Get sad, get angry, get frustrated… but most importantly get HONEST! You owe this to yourself.

Encourage those around you to do the same. If you have children, let them share by writing, talking or drawing a picture. Let the energy move.

We have all been witness to a “natural disaster” and we get to process what we have been through and assess the damage. Take the time to honor yourself and your feelings. Yes, it may be uncomfortable but there is pain when you are removing the splinter that has been festering under your skin for a long time.

You are worth it! You got this and you are stronger than you think.

Sending each of you much love and encouragement and please let me know how I can support you in any way! You will get through this, this will end, and everything will be okay!

Building a shed in your backyard can be a rewarding experience if you have plans that will help you build your shed in a timely and cost-effective manner. This is especially important if you are new to woodworking. There are many aspects of shed construction you will have to consider.

The first thing you have to consider is the type of shed you will be constructing. The type of shed you will be building on your property or someone else backyard will likely be based on the type of roof the shed will be using. There are a number shed designs based on the roof being used.

Pent Roof Shed

This is a mono roof structure meaning it a single piece roof that consists of a single pitch or slope. This type of shed can be free-standing or attached to the side of your garage or barn. The construction of this shed will least complicated to build.

Gable Roof Shed

This structure uses an A-frame roof and will be more complicated to build than the pent roof style shed. The roof consists of two sides that are of the same pitch. This will often compliment most homes using the same gable roof structure.

Clerestory Roof Shed

This type of shed has a row windows in its. This row windows often referred to as clerestory windows. This will be the most complicated of the three types of backyard sheds mentioned here. However it is an excellent design if are thinking of using your storage shed as a work place as the clerestory windows allow natural lighting to illuminate the interior of the structure.

Location and Type of Foundation

Once you chosen the design of you shed you will need to consider its location and foundation. Location is important as will not to have move it once you have constructed its foundation.

There are several options to consider when choosing a foundation. It is important to remember the foundation provides a stable and level starting place to support the weight of your shed a whatever you will be storing in it.

Using wood rails and concrete blocks is probably the cheapest method to building a foundation for your backyard shed, Your could pour a foundation made of concrete, but will more expensive and of course it cannot moved in the future. Another option is to lay down shed floor on a bed of gravel. You need ensure the floor is level.

Constructing your own shed allows you to know exactly what you are getting into. This will be especially apparent if you are using proven backyard shed plans that you can refer to during the construction process.

Best Regards

“My progress is my own responsibility. I do not need others and I should not depend on them for help.” Myth or truth?

At first blush, the answer seems obvious. As John Donne so memorably wrote, “No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent.” All the great traditions encourage us to value “the pieces” and to therefore seek out a community of like-minded friends who will support, inspire, and guide us. Buddhism calls it “taking refuge” in the community. The Native American Shawnee chief Tecumseh said it this way: “A single twig breaks, but the bundle of twigs is strong.”

But not so fast. It turns out that those statements are only part of the truth. There is another, paradoxical, side to the story. The Buddha also told his followers, “Be an island unto yourself. Take refuge in yourself.” In Christianity, we hear “Work out your own salvation.” And the Hindu Manusmriti, or Laws of Manu, like many other sources of universal wisdom, claims that “true happiness is born of self-reliance.” In essence, the sages encourage us to be self-reliant and to seek support-to embrace both independence and interdependence. At times, it’s important to ask for support, and at times we must fly solo. Knowing what’s the right approach to take, and when, is part of the play of paradox.

Life is always trying to help us balance these two sides of the equation. If we are too independent, we will find ourselves in a situation where we must collaborate in order to survive. If we are too dependent or passive, life will sooner or later cut us free from the relationships, jobs, people, or possessions that prevent us from making progress. When I was in my twenties, for instance, I worked for a time as a night-shift editor. It was a solitary kind of existence but one where I was compelled to take on more responsibility. I had to move projects forward, approve press proofs, and make critical decisions on my own.

It wasn’t easy, and for a time it felt as if I had been relegated to living on the moon. Later, I came to see that the situation had been tailor-made to strengthen my weak points, especially my indecisiveness and lack of confidence. It prepared me to grow in self-reliance and ultimately to manage an entire editorial department. Like a mother bird who knows what’s best for her chicks, at times life will nudge us out of our comfortable nests-or, if we’re really stubborn, give us a swift kick in the pants-to force us to fly on our own.

Keys to the Balancing Act

Every part of life, as it grows and evolves, naturally moves between seeking support and flying solo. Only when those elements are in balance do we make real and lasting progress. Leaning too much or too long in one direction or the other slows us down. The following four questions and the tips that go with them can help you target which part of the paradox needs your attention so you can get back in balance and move full steam ahead.

Is there an area of your life where you are trying to make progress on your own but feel stuck? What kind of support would help you move forward more quickly? Remember that support can be physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It can be anything from getting a regular massage once a week to joining a community where you can share your passion. It can involve talking through a decision with someone you trust or hiring a consultant or coach. In the spirit of giving and receiving, consider trading services with someone whose help you need. What one step can you take right now to seek support, guidance, or advice in an area where you feel stuck?

Do you tend to tackle all of life’s challenges by yourself? If you have a hard time asking for help, keep reminding yourself of these two truths: First, seeking support is the loving thing to do and the strong thing to do. By getting the right help in making good decisions and taking the next step, you are honoring yourself as well as those who will be affected by your choices, now and in the future. Second, people are more willing to help than you might think. If the people you approach cannot help right now or are not willing to help, it doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy. It just means you haven’t found the right supporters yet. You will.

Are you in a personal or business relationship with someone who is making decisions that you should be making? What would you like to tell that person about how you are feeling? What would you like to request of him or her? Try crafting what you want to say on paper first before explaining it in person. You may even need to send your message in writing so you can fully express what you find it hard to say in person. Follow up to make sure that the person you are addressing understands what you are asking and that you both have the same expectations going forward.

Are there spaces in your togetherness? Having a close relationship doesn’t mean you should give up being yourself. In fact, you may get irritated with those you love simply because you need some regular time apart, some breathing space. No two people have all the same interests, and it’s not healthy to expect that to be the case. Do you allow and encourage yourself and your partner to pursue your own individual interests? Take some dedicated time for yourself and allow your partner to do the same. You’ll have more to offer each other and the world as a result.