There is an old saying that goes: “If you keep doing what you’ve done, you’re going to keep getting what you got…” If whatever you’ve been doing hasn’t worked in the past, chances are, doing it more, harder, or longer isn’t going to work either.

For many woman who have difficulty reaching an orgasm, their first success comes with a vibrator. And, once they learn the trick, they eventually learn to achieve an orgasm without mechanical assistance, and, if all goes well, eventually with their lover. There are women who never progress beyond needing the vibrator, and some women who were once capable of coming without them, can even become dependent on them…

I’d like to address the issue of women who are completely anorgasmic, which is to say, even with the help of a vibrator, they have yet to experience their first orgasm… and I’m going to tell you how you can give her her first orgasm.

Now, the simple fact is, there are a million reasons that a woman can’t achieve orgasm, and I can’t know for sure what is going on with any one woman in particular…But basically it’s a pretty good bet that if she can’t come using a vibrator then the issue is NOT physical.In other words, if a vibrator can’t do it then there is no position, no device, no amount of stamina, and no special g-spot technique that is going to work to bring her orgasm.

So if it’s not a physical issue what does that leave?

Hmmm…

If you said, “emotional” then you get to go to the head of the class (and you’ll soon be able to give your woman an orgasm if you’re willing to learn a few things and be patient). And, YES, these emotional female orgasm techniques work like crazy.

The first thing you’ve got to do (and her friends have got to do too – women talk about this sort of thing all the time), is stop pressuring the poor girl. Feeling pressure to have an orgasm is, for women, pretty much the same thing as putting pressure on a guy when he’s having trouble getting it up. Imagine you’ve been stressed at work and you’re a little slow on getting stimulated, and your wife or girlfriend takes out a stop watch and says, “come on! I haven’t got all night! Get ready already!” That’s pretty much what’s going on for your woman right now if her inability to have an orgasm is an issue in your relationship.

So the first thing you’re going to need to do is tell her that, at least for a little while, you’re going to both stop trying to make her come and focus instead on just enjoying the pleasure that she already has from sex. (Sex feels great even when you don’t have an orgasm, after all). This will be the first step towards building the “Sexual Trust” that will be necessary to get her emotionally able to come.

Next you’re going to have to start making her feel good about her sexuality. (Like, the opposite of inadequate, which is what the “pressure” is making her feel right now).

Eventually, she will sexually surrender herself to you, and that will allow you to “give her permission” to experience an orgasm… something that, for one reason or another, some women simply can’t do for themselves.

Okay, Let’s Dig In To The Serious Stuff…

Orgasms don’t come from stimulating the vagina in just the right way, they come from the brain (and when it’s really good, you could say they come from the heart). Building connection with her, making her feel safe to experience these feelings, and getting her more highly aroused by creating masculine energy is what will ultimately give her orgasms from sex.

Teasing is one great way to build sexual tension that I think you should experiment with. It’s a powerful female orgasm technique that is too often neglected through nothing but impatience.

For example… if you touch her slowly and move in circles around her nipples or clitoris, but don’t actually touch those super-sensitive areas… until she’s literally begging you to go further… as you drive her crazy teasing in this way, 2 things are happening:

THE OBVIOUS: She gets hot and excited from the building sexual tension

THE ELUSIVE: Because you are taking control of how and when she gets sexual pleasure, you are assuming the masculine role of LEADING the interaction, and controlling her body.

As you become less and less tentative and more in control of the sexual interaction, and more in control of HER sexual feelings and response, she will become far more deeply sexually aroused than she may have been in the past.

AND, more importantly, she will feel more Sexual Trust towards you, which will cause her to finally SURRENDER to you… this will make it possible, ultimately, for you to give her orgasms at will.

This doesn’t happen quickly. It is a process.

The first step is doing the things that make her feel your masculine power.

As I mentioned above, TEASING is a great way to begin this process.

Biting her on the back of the neck (you don’t need to do it hard enough to leave a mark!) is another powerful turn on for women because it is a primitive, instinctive cue of your dominance.

Even before you get into bed, just picking her up and throwing her over your shoulder and spinning her around until she is giggling her head off is the kind of display of masculinity that will make her much more receptive to you in the bedroom.

And when you are in bed, the confident, strong but gentle way in which you put your hands on her body can communicate a a whole world of masculine sexual confidence to her. And that is better than all the sex tips I can give you.

Earning Her Sexual Trust

So is it all about eye contact and building intimacy… Or is all about being masculine and dominant?

Actually, these are two sides of the same coin.

For many pre-orgasmic women, the issue is simply that they can’t let go… they can’t give themselves permission to come. Often they are unaware of this fact, but for other women… she knows she’s about to come… and she can tell that there is this huge amount of pleasure just on the other side of where she is… and it SCARES THE HELL OUT OF HER.

It’s kind of like that feeling you have when you get to the top of the roller coaster and it’s about to plunge down that first, steep drop…

It’s scary– but you have no choice by then, you’re going over the side…

And when you do, you SCREAM… and you have a

GREAT TIME.

BUT…

Imagine if there was a button on roller coasters that people could push, just as they got to the top of that first hill, that would let them stop the ride so that they could get off?

Now everyone who got onto that roller coaster got on because they expected to have a lot of fun… But I’m willing to bet that if there was a button like that… that A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PUSH IT AND GET OFF THE RIDE.

That’s EXACTLY what happens with many women who haven’t had their first orgasm.So what can you do about it? You need to win her SEXUAL TRUST so that she can completely SURRENDER herself to you. Once she does that, instead of giving herself permission to come, she will surrender that permission to YOU… she will allow YOU to make the decision to let loose.

Sexual Trust, the way I am defining it, is not the same as relationship trust or the kind of trust issues that you talk about when it comes to marriage problems. It is not about honesty or knowing that you won’t cheat on her or hurt her. It is about her trusting your ability to safely take her to a place where she will lose control and safely take her back again without her experiencing any kind of weirdness or embarrassment.

I sometimes use the analogy of an airline pilot.

Would you rather have a pilot who is honest and of the highest integrity… who you could leave alone in a room with bag full of cash, and know he’d never be tempted?

Or would you rather get onto the plane with a guy who may be kind of a jerk, but who has flown thousands of hours under the worst weather conditions and landed planes at the most technically challenging airports during hurricanes without ever having a safety incident?

Who would you trust to fly you home from your next vacation?

Sexual Trust works the same way.

And earning requires competence, confidence, and decisiveness… as well as tenderness, intimacy, and communication.