Is arranged marriage still common today is a generic question and it depends on the society we are talking about. For example in India – in certain parts of the country arranged marriages are still a norm and parents expect their children to follow it religiously.

Marriages in India are celebrated with great pomp and show with all the relatives from both mother’s and father’s side it becomes fairly important for the parents to present it as an arranged marriage. Actually arranged marriage is sort of a tradition in Indian society and even today there are some families who fix their children’s marriage.

Since Indian society is very particular about astrological compatibility of the couples’ horoscopes, birth charts, planetary actions, caste, sub caste, religion, family background, arranged marriages are still a preferred way to get a bride or groom as that leaves no room for doubt in the parent’s mind of marriage not being a success.

In addition to the fact that marriages in India are considered as an important institution, which are not meant to be broken or which can’t be broken by signing few papers however legal they maybe and hence parents and other family members feel that it is their duty to choose a suitable partner for their son or daughter. 

Although the trends are changing and some couples are taking the decision to marry the person of their choice, such couples are still rare in India as compared to those who go the parent’s way. And though there has been a steady rise in love marriages in India owing to the changing work culture and lifestyle trends in urban youth even then it has been witnessed that the parental approval is sought before venturing onto the new journey of their lives.

Arranged marriages are also still common in India because of some of the factors which the couples themselves either tend to ignore or are not too keen on knowing about it or else do not attach much importance to those facts. For instance while arranging the match for the children parents tend to compare the education of both prospective groom and bride, looks is another criterion – while Indian moms of prospective grooms want their daughter in laws to be fair and beautiful, those of prospective brides want that the family and son in law is loving, caring and accept their daughter as she is.

Of course parents discuss the expectations of the prospective groom/bride with the children but the major task of finding the match is left to the parents. Even today this is the practice in India.

In this article I have talked about arranged marriages in India. I would love to hear such tales from elsewhere as well.

Save your marriage… or not? Divorce or stay together? If you have arrived here, then you will probably have the same issue and asking yourself how to save your marriage from divorce.

And when you are about to end up in divorce, I can imagine that you can use my help. It is very annoying for you that it has come to that. But I will help you today to solve this problem. and that is easier than you think.

Are you still not sure what you want to do? Then first read this article to determine whether you should break it or not.

Tip 1: Identify problems

If you have a relationship with each other, you will undoubtedly find it difficult to talk too much about your problems.

If you say something that you don’t like, your husband will get angry. And if he does the same, how do you respond? Are you listening to his criticism or are you shaking it off?

Look critically at what is going on between you. If a divorce is in the pipeline, it means there are problems that can no longer be ignored. If it is so bad that you can no longer ignore it, it is time to take a critical look at how your relationship works.

The positive pieces are not that important right now. It is about the exact problems that play between you. Maybe you want different things right now. And I want you to know that this is completely OK.

You are not the same indididual. You are both individuals with your own wishes and preferences. And your taste does not always have to match. This does not have to cause any relationship problems.

People think you should have everything 100% in common. That is, if you want a relationship to succeed. But the reality is that this is unnecessary. It is perfectly possible to enter into a relationship without having to agree on everything.

There are enough relationships where the differences between partners are huge. For example, when one partner is much older than the other. Whether one partner has much more money than another.

The point is that you find a way to deal with these differences. Just like with the problems that can be caused by these differences.

But for that it is important that you do not see it as “wrong” that these problems exist. There is no right or wrong: there is only the result. And that’s why it’s so important to see what you both want.

Only then can you answer a much more important question. Will the relationship work the way it is now?

If you face a divorce, this undoubtedly means that here and there some reproaches go over the table. But I want to ask you to stop this immediately.

Yes, your relationship is not doing well. Yes there are problems. And yes, your partner has a share in it. But as long as you keep blaming each other, those problems just keep on increasing.

In the best case, you work together. In the worst case, you continue to blame each other until the divorce papers have been signed. So please do not make this mistake.

Focus on finding a solution and the shared ground. So that you can live happily ever after, if you decide to stay together.

Tip 2: Give him what he needs

I’m going to tell you some secrets that men will never tell you. They are too proud of it. Their ego is too big. And if they would tell you, they would do it in disguised language. The truth is too confrontational.

Are you ready for it? Here it comes: Men-huge ego.

Most women are well aware of this. They know that when a man is reading the map, they should not comment on where they are going. That this is similar to when she asks her husband “if she has a big ass in this dress.”

But knowing something does not mean that you do it. And things often go wrong there.

How often have you done one of the following?

Commentary while your husband was doing something that would both benefit you. For example a job in the house, or a household task that you have assigned to him.

Criticized him because he is working overtime, ignoring the fact that he is doing this to make money for you.

He made fun of him in front of his friends. Realize that his limit of “ridiculous” is very low. An innocent joke at his expense, combined with a smile, often goes too far.

Men are hypersensitive when it comes to that ego. They will never tell you. But if you do some of these things, he will never thank you for it.

He will develop frustration about it. And if this frustration builds up, you can say that it has a negative impact on your relationship.

It is one of the secrets that men will never tell you, because it is very easy to dismiss it as “childish.” But for men it feels lifelike. They want to be taken seriously. If you don’t do that, they will feel groped in the cross.

That’s because we want to feel physically strong. Someone who makes fun of us despite our physical strength is clearly not afraid of us.

And that in our head equals a lack of respect… and the feeling that we have to prove ourselves.

I know how ridiculous it is. Trust me, I wish it were different.

But this is what men don’t want you to know. They will never honestly tell you how they work. And not only bad men and players or narcissists suffer from this. Every man literally struggles with this.

Let me tell you another secret about men:

This has to do just as well with the previous point. Men have a huge ego. And if you are near to a man, that ego is “triggered.”

He never wants to make a mistake in your presence. He wants to feel big and strong. And realize that he is in control.

But if we know you well, then we know very well that a large part of our ego is in your hands. That with the push of a button you can literally remove our relationship and thus a part of our self-worth.

That is quite a bit of tension resting on his shoulders.

As a result, he regularly needs a break from the woman he is with. Purely so that he can pick up himself and feel that he is independent of you.

Men process their emotions differently than women. It is often thought that men consciously act aloof or have no feelings. The opposite is true.

Most men have feelings, but they are far hidden under a low sense of social norm. From primary school we are told that we should be strong and not cry. We constantly do our best to be the mentally strongest person in space.

Women are allowed to process their emotions by talking about it. Women naturally need it more. And if there was a man who needed it, then that desire has naturally grown due to social pressure.

Yes, that’s a shame. Can you do something about it? No Unfortunately not.

So please give him time for himself.

Every man needs a few hours a day to relax

This might look like this:

He spends time working on a car in the garage.

He plays computer games or watches a movie.

He drinks ungodly amounts of alcohol with his friends.

He’s in a band.

He is going bowling.

He does other man things.

The point is that he needs time to recover from his work. When he comes home after a long day, he doesn’t want anything.

Almost every man needs a few hours a day on which he can be alone.

So that he can organize his thoughts. Can process his emotions. So that he can then pretend that they are not there again. And he can be the strong man again, whom he thinks you dream about.

Tip 3: Do you both want to work on it?

Are you willing to work on it? Before we continue with the tips about saving your relationship, a short interlude.

Suppose you have determined what the problems are. And you have decided to give your husband a little more appreciation and calm. Have you thought about how he is doing?

Many women who ask me for advice forget the role of the man. There are roughly three groups of women with relationship problems

Group 1: It’s all his fault

In this case the man gets the wind from the front. He can’t do anything right, and she’s not willing to look at her share. I don’t usually get these women in my mailbox because they are too busy putting pressure on their husbands.

Group 2: It’s all my fault

If putting pressure on their husbands does not help, these women are very concerned that they have not succeeded. And they assume that they have to adapt. They realize that he will not move, and therefore choose to carry the relationship as a burden on their shoulders.

Group 3: Women who go for it and expect the same from their husbands

This is the best attitude of the three.

Decide that you want to save your relationship. But before you start, it’s important to ask your husband if he wants to participate.

If he is not waiting for it, then it makes very little sense to work on it. Because you can still pull a dead horse so hard, but it doesn’t get any faster. In such a case, it is almost better to divorce than to stay with a man who does not want to change and who is not open to criticism.

I know how hard that is. But I am here to help you find the best possible relationship. And if your husband simply refuses service, then you are better off with someone else.

Tip 4: Do not take action if you are emotional

Men and women work emotionally. It is one of the most important differences between men and women that we hardly talk about in our society. While it is very important.

Scientific research shows that men who are under stress feel a tremendous pressure to act. Not only that; they lose all empathy they have.

That means that they will behave in ways that others may experience as offensive. That they can burn bridges. And they don’t all do that intentionally. But it is a direct consequence of the testosterone that runs through their body.

Men are born problem solvers

You process your emotions by talking about it. Or by relaxing. But men process their emotions by solving the “problem” behind it.

If you’ve ever had a relationship with a man, you know you can’t tell him anything without him going into action mode. And it is very difficult to understand that you just want him to listen without acting.

If you add those two together, you realize how important it is to teach him to calm down. And not to act until you both have thought about the event.

Because if you have relationship problems, it is important to keep a cool head

When you become emotional, you will quickly light your husband. Certainly if you kick “drama” in his eyes, he will feel a huge need to argue with you. Simply because he wants an outlet and wants to tackle the problem.

But because a man shows less empathy when he is angry, he will do things that do not contribute to solving the problem. In addition, in many cases, just breathing a few times and relaxing for an hour works much better. And if an action is needed afterwards, then it will come.

That is why it is important to train your husband. Yes, this sounds a bit crude.

But see him as a pit bull, who is barking on the chain. You will occasionally have to teach him that it is better to lie down quietly, rather than jump up at the slightest or slightest and start to growl and bark.

What to do when you get emotional? This applies to both men and women.

Go exercise. It is scientifically proven that exercise burns the stress in your body. It is a proven remedy for depression and other psychological disorders, and works better than many medications. Then it also helps to get rid of the negative emotions that you have stored in your body.

Take a break. Make sure that you and your husband don’t get stuck in a fight, but that you calm down first. You can do this together, but also alone.

In an emotional mood, focus on positive things. Watch a laugh movie, walk around if you like or play with the dog. Only when you have done something positive, and you feel better about it, is it time to look at the problem rationally and to get rid of it.

Tip 5: Take some time apart

Do you know how most divorces can be prevented? If you are not constantly in each other’s presence. There is a big secret that relationship therapists don’t want you to know.

Spending more time together does not work. At tip 7 you learn what works. But right now it is enough to know that simply spending more time does not automatically lead to an improvement in the relationship.

Many couples who are married change more into a kind of team. There are children to raise. Jobs to go to. Obligations that must be met.

When you are in that phase, you have something else to do other than having fun with each other. And because of the frustrations of everyday life you can get bored with each other. That is why it is very healthy to spend at least a month each year in your relationship without each other.

Some guidelines:

Go for complete radio silence. That means that you do not exchange messages, and that you do not stalk each other via social media. The intention is that you become completely psychologically separate from each other.

Go on holiday without your partner. You can then come to yourself completely and organize your thoughts. And if you choose a nice destination, you will see some of the world too.

Give your partner the space to develop hobbies on their own. And do the same yourself. That way you have a life apart. And the relationship becomes an addition to that, instead of being the exact opposite.

Solve moments when you are not together for a weekend. Do this with some regularity, so that you release pressure from the boiler. This also responds to the male need to feel calm in the relationship.

As I mentioned earlier, the male need for rest is enormous. This is actually always greater than his need for support. It is one of the most frequently heard complaints from men in relationships.

So you not only ensure that you get some time apart, but also that your husband can charge his battery.

And remember…

If your relationship is heading for a divorce, you are more likely to be happy if you spend time apart. This is at odds with the advice not to deviate from each other in such a case.

And do you know why it works?

Taking distance ensures that you will miss each other. During relationship problems it is not about getting closer to each other. It is often precisely the cause of the problems.

Instead, you want you to miss each other.

If you spend less time together, the desire for each other can be rekindled. So that when you come together, there is a bit of fire. And not from a cowardly flame.

Tip 6: Strengthen your social network

Your husband is unlikely to be able to do many things… and unlikely a lot of things either.

That way he can’t be your prince, best friend, mother, colleague and sports buddy at the same time. That would be a bit too much of a good thing. That is why it is important to have a social network where you can find support.

That means:

That you spend more time with your friends. You don’t have to talk about the relationship. But you ensure that those ties become stronger again. So you can recharge when you get back to your husband.

That you turn on the support of family. Explain to them what is going on, and do this especially with people you know are not going to interfere. It’s not about getting advice, but about being able to tell your story and have a good time for the rest.

Undertake things and find hobbies with which you have contact with other people. In this way you ensure that your social needs outside the relationship are satisfied. And so you are not dependent on your husband for your social happiness.

All these little things make it easier to solve your relationship problems

You take a lot of pressure off his shoulders, because you have several people around you who can support you.

And at the same time it gives you more room to work together on the solution of your relationship problems.

And what this solution is? That is something very different than you think.

Tip 7: Do positive things

Do you know what almost everyone does, but what does not help?

Complain.

It is one of the biggest irritations for most people. Yet we all participate, and we never correct each other.

If you have relationship problems, it is important to remove as much pressure as possible from the boiler. And how you do that is by complaining as little as possible.

Men experience this as a drama. Be positive, don’t complain and limit the drama.

Suppose you come back after a long day of work, and take a deep breath. Maybe you say something like “It was a tough day.”

Because a man always communicates in facts and not in emotions…

… is his natural response: “What should I do with this information?”

For him this is already a form of drama. Which it is difficult for him to handle. So try to avoid this. Instead, you better bring it positively.

Because when you come in and say: “Hey, darling, long day. Do you want to hold me? “

Then he really wants to hug you.

Men may not like negativity, but they do love you. So if you limit the drama and just ask him what you need, then he is just happy to assist you. He is like that again.

Make the time you spend as fun as possible. If you spend a long time together and experience relationship problems, you can forget why you are together in the first place. And that’s just because you make each other happy.

You are together because it makes you happier than being alone. So that means it makes sense to make your time together as enjoyable as possible.

Focus on doing fun things. And if you haven’t done that for a while, make it your mission to go out together and find new things that you like.

You don’t have to think about earth-shattering things here.

But trying out new things is a nice bonus. Even if you go to a different restaurant than where you normally go. Or do you take a beach walk instead of a forest walk?

And with everything you do, your question may be: “Are we doing this because we’re used to it, or because it’s fun?”

Tip 8: Continue to show affection to each other

Even in times when you are arguing, it is important to treat each other with love.

Yes, I understand that this is difficult when the crockery flies through the room and he calls you a witch with cauliflower ears. But when the storm has subsided again, put a hand on his arm and say “hey honey”.

Be physical with him.

It calms him and so do you. Science has shown that every person is sensitive to touch, and that it has a calming effect on the nervous system.

And do you know what you absolutely must do to score bonus points? Have sex with each other. It’s another thing that is incredibly important for men in a relationship. He needs sex to feel good about himself.

Do you remember the story about his great ego? Well, sex is a huge part of that. If you can give him sex that validates his ego, you help him deal better with relationship problems.

His ability to put things into perspective and the will to tackle the problems will only increase if he is satisfied with your activities in bed. It is a good way to ensure that it comes right between you.

So don’t be afraid to start there if it all goes a bit difficult.

Tip 9: Do you make each other happy?

Maybe I should have mentioned this tip first. It is the difference between a successful and an unsuccessful marriage.

But this is the most important question that you and your partner can ask yourself. If the other person does not make you happy, it makes little sense to stay together. No matter how much you love each other.

It is perfectly possible to have a relationship with someone or to fall in love with someone who does not make you happy. And if you stay with that person, that has far-reaching consequences:

You are slowly destroying yourself. In such a case you literally choose accident. And that is a high price to pay for love.

There are also people on this globe who you can love and who love you, and who can make you happy too.

But as long as you stay in your dysfunctional relationship, you will never get to know it.

You don’t have to worry that you will never find someone. Thousands of relationships go out every day, and all those people find a new person again.

Sometimes it is good if a marriage falls. Does it lead to more happiness in life? Then, as far as I’m concerned, it can’t break soon enough.

But if you are convinced that you can become happy with this man… and he is convinced that he can become happy with you, then carry out my tips religiously. You will see that the chance of a divorce is considerably smaller. So that you can live happily ever after.

These were my tips on how to save your marriage from divorce. It is a very difficult situation, so take your time to make a good choice.

Do you decide to fight for your marriage?

Then prepare yourself for a tough fight. Undoubtedly tears will fall and egos have to be put aside, but if you are convinced that you are made for each other… then it’s all worth it.

Arranged marriages have been a topic of interest for centuries. Authors across the ages have explored this theme at length, and it still surfaces in literary works today. What’s the appeal? Is it the fascination with the lack of lust and desire we cultivate in North American society? We strive on the element of danger, of the forbidden, while an arranged marriage is usually a safe way to ensure a family’s approval of a union.

And yet, many of today’s romance novels deal with marriages of convenience. We’ve all read them: the heroine marries the hero because she needs him, whether for financial reasons, or because her children need a father — there are as many reasons to marry as there are novels dealing with this subject. Yet although the marriage isn’t initially based on love, there’s always that sensual tension simmering beneath the surface, and as readers, we know it’s inevitable that the two are going to fall deeply and irrevocably in love.

But what about real life, where things don’t always work out so well? Arranged marriages are commonplace in a number of countries, such as Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Japan and India. They’re more common than you’d think even in North America, where cultural diversity is cherished and encouraged.

Young people in countries where arranged marriages are commonplace are told from an early age that their spouse will be chosen for them. To deny an arranged marriage is seen as a sign of disrespect toward the family. But how are suitable spouses chosen? In Japan, for instance, “when a woman reaches the marriageable age of 25, she and her parents compile a packet of information about her, including a photograph of her in a kimono and descriptions of her family background, education, hobbies, accomplishments and interests. Her parents then inquire among their friends and acquaintances to see if anyone knows a man who would be a suitable husband for her” (the Asia Society’s Video Letter from Japan: My Family, 1988). Usually, the most important aspect of choosing a suitable spouse is the bond between the two families, rather than the relationship between the couple being married. Property or land with the aim of securing social status sometimes seals marriage agreements.

Do arranged marriages work? Opinions tend to differ. Statistics place the divorce rate for arranged marriages much lower than those in the United States, where marriages out of love are the rule. However, research also shows that the pressure a married couple encounters from both society as a whole, and from the respective families, suggests that divorce is often not an option.

Can love grow out of an arranged marriage? Absolutely, and in the same way that love can grow in romance novels from a marriage of convenience. But there’s more to love than finding a suitable match. Love can grow for many reasons, from lust at first sight to friendship that develops over a long period of time. It’s impossible to predict whether a union will be successful. The only two people who can make it work are the bride and groom, the hero and heroine of their own story.

There may be a number of different reasons why you want to do a marriage and divorce records search. Whether you are looking to learn more about your family, see if someone you are dating has been married or divorced, or if you are looking to see if your spouse has another life outside of yours, these searches can provide you with a great deal of information.

There are several web sites that allow you to search online for public records. You can perform a marriage and divorce records search fairly easily and quickly. The unfortunate part is you typically cannot find this information for free. The information you receive will be limited to what is available on the site or according to what you are looking for.

Most free sites will provide you with whatever they have, which is not much. While many paid sites do offer some information without paying for the service, it will typically be no more than what the couple’s names were, when the marriage or divorce occurred, and perhaps the state it occurred in.

If you want to attain more information, expect to pay for what you are looking for. You can either contact state or local authorities to locate the records or you can seek the services of a comprehensive public records online archive. The latter option is much quicker than contacting state or local authorities; especially if you do not know where the couple was married or divorced.

With divorce records themselves, you will find that there are a number of differences among states and even different counties. While some will provide free records, there are differing prices amongst the many locations that do charge for information.

If you are looking for divorce records in particular, you will find that all records contain at least the date of divorce, date of marriage, and the couples’ names. This is what you can expect to find in all free records provided. However, paying for records can deliver such information s dates of birth, property they shared, names and birth dates for their children, and perhaps even reasons for the divorce.

As mentioned, the information you find in a marriage and divorce records search will differ from state to state. It is beneficial to you to know as much information as possible. This will make it easier to track down what you are looking for. However, you can always do a people search to find who you are looking for and go from there to narrow your search.

Whether you are looking to find records for genealogy, legal proceedings, potential extramarital affairs, or to check out who you are dating, doing a marriage and divorce records search can tell a lot. Just know that the more information you need the more money you will typically have to spend.

Copyright (c) 2009 Ed Opperman

Surviving infidelity in marriage is something that requires work and effort from both parties involved.

The injured partner needs to forgive the cheating spouse, but this is usually contingent on actions and gestures from the cheating spouse. In most cases, all the injured spouse wants is a truly remorseful, heartfelt apology from the cheating partner.

If your partner has cheated and, as far as you can tell, he/she is not being apologetic, this can feel like salt in your wounds:

-“Why doesn’t he get it, when it seems so obvious to me?!”

-“It is really annoying that she just can’t seem to be remorseful or to ask me for forgiveness!”

-“How can we move forward in this marriage if he continues to hurt me by being so oblivious to what he’s done?”

Now, you may think that the underlying notes of an authentic apology may have a profound impact on your marriage and your recovery. However, you should know that there may be some feelings you may have which may cause your need to hear an apology. For example, verbalization of an apology may be viewed as:

• Validation in your mind of the disappointment and the agony you may be feeling;
• An acknowledgment by your spouse of the pain you feel;
• Admission of his/her culpability and contribution to your current feelings;
• Recognition by your spouse of how he/she has single-handedly dealt a potentially fatal blow to your marriage and everything that you both have held so dear.

As a result, until the words of apology are uttered by the cheating spouse you will probably feel very much the victim and may feel stuck in a limbo – wanting so desperately to move on but thinking that you may be unable to do so because of the heavy importance you have placed on hearing an apology and a request for forgiveness.

This is something that you really need to think about in depth. It may become necessary to challenge your perceptions and your definitions – you may inadvertently be putting roadblocks which actually prevent you from moving forward. And surviving infidelity in marriage is difficult enough! All you need to do is assess just how much importance you are placing on your cheating spouse’s apology – sometimes, simply redefining your own ideas is a major breakthrough in moving forward so that you can rebuild your marriage after infidelity.

After a long and hard argument with your spouse or ex-spouse, it can feel like all of the energy has been drained right out of you. When you know somebody as intimately as you do your husband or wife, you really know how to push each others’ buttons.

Of course, fighting just once in a while is nothing to be concerned about. In fact, arguing can actually be a healthy safety mechanism for a marriage, allowing the couple to blow off some steam and get their issues out in the open.

However, when the fights become too frequent and never seem to really be over, many couples decide one day that they have had enough. They may choose to get a divorce – or to at least to get separated. Or, maybe they just decide to “turn off” emotionally and become emotionally distant to each other.

Even during these tough times, however, one or both of the spouses may know in their hearts that they still love each other. At those times, they may wonder whether the marriage may indeed be worth fighting for. And, even if it is, how will they find the strength to find resolution to their ongoing problems?

If you are having marital problems or are separated or divorced, here are 5 reasons to reconcile a marriage:

1. Divorce is costly:

From a financial standpoint, divorce is financially costly. In many cases, it easily costs tens of thousands of dollars. And, if the battle turns ugly, one or both of you may lose valued possessions to the other person along the way.

2. Dating is a pain:

Even if you do get a divorce, at some point you will probably want to meet another person. Remember what dating is like? Sure, there are some fun moments, but to get to those requires a whole lot of work – and money.

3. The same types of problems you have now will likely resurface in new relationships:

Many people fantasize about getting away from their spouse because they believe that they can escape those personal issues that plague the marriage. This is almost never true, however. In fact, since most of us tend to create our own problems in our marriages, it is often the case that these same problems will surface with our next mate.

4. There was a good reason why you married this person:

Think back to when you fell in love with your spouse. There was a real, valid reason why the two of you fell in love. You saw something in each other that you do not find every day. There may be a way to get back to that special place again with him or her.

5. It can be a sad thing when you let love die if you could have given it another chance:

If you do go through with a divorce, there may come a day when you look back with sadness on what might have been, had both of you been willing to give things another try.

Consider these 5 reasons to reconcile your marriage.

It is not that long ago that children who were born to unwed parents were ostracised by society and illegitimate according to the law. The only thing they were responsible for was being born of parents whom religion targeted because their union was not ‘sanctioned’ by the Church. That type of baloney is no different to banning gay or transvestite people from legal recognition of their love for each other and a bonding relationship.

The Catholic Church uses marriage as a sacrament and is bitterly opposed to anything that weakens its grip over society. Established by Constantine, a Roman Caesar who is identified as 666 in Revelation 13:12-18, the religion has used everything from violence to murder to maintain its position.

Thankfully people are waking up to its lies and the agenda it serves, but not quickly enough. It is based on the premise of heaven and hell as places of eternity after death. This is its greatest lie as no such places exist.

Professing to hold the ‘keys to heaven’ its rituals and laws are based on those of ancient Babylon and the Islamic religion, which developed in that city. Constantine was an Amorite, that is the nation who raided Italy and built Roma (reverse Amor).

He reinstated Mary, the Mother God of that city, as the Mother of God. Men marry ‘Mary’ to become priests, exactly as was practiced in that place. Jerome, who followed soon after, wrote the New Testament based on the laws, festivals, calendar, and rituals of Islam.

My research into the roots of Catholicism and, therefore, religion followed my reincarnation and knowledge that there is a Great Spirit of the Universe that controls all things. Nowhere in the bible is marriage mentioned and as the New Testament is fake anything in it is not and should not be of concern.

Just as people fought to be recognised as legitimate in the eyes of the law those who are gay or transvestite are fighting now a very similar battle. As a man in my last life and a female in this one it is something I understand all too well.

In my early life my body felt strange but the insight given to me showed that this was done for a reason. I missed the strength of being a man and have never been ‘womanly’ as such, although I am also not gay. It is time, therefore, to put all questions of equality to rest and to legalimise same-sex marriage. After all, what harm is it to anyone other than the Catholic Church?

If people want a ritual and to dress up in fancy clothes and have a party, then they should be allowed to do so. While there is no such thing now as an ‘illegitimate’ child, nor should there be prejudice and hate towards those who life their life in a loving relationship outside of what is considered the ‘norm’.

If there is anything that stands at the center of Christianity, it is a deep love expressed to humanity by God himself, which is in turn expressed to others by each of us who have chosen to receive that love. And yet, when it comes to many Christian marriages, this necessary expression of love is often replaced by emotional distancing and painful conflict, which leads many of us to ask, “Where’s the breakdown?”

CRACKS IN THE MARRIAGE FOUNDATION

The more I work with Christian couples it becomes apparent that this breakdown is tied to cracks in their marital and spiritual foundations. On the marital front, encouragement is replaced by criticism, validation is replaced by defensiveness, and listening is replaced by the need to express one’s own frustrations. Spiritually, it is often the case that these couples have neglected a pursuit of God in their daily lives, and have defaulted to simply doing things their own way relationally. Yet, they also recognize how relevant that pursuit is to them being able to love one another in the manner they desire.

A MARITAL DEFINITION OF LOVE

It is hard to overstate how important love is to a married couple having a strong foundation that lasts a lifetime and facilitates an unbreakable sense of intimacy and connection. Yet, how is the type of love we’re discussing defined? Here’s a definition I will often apply when counseling married couples:

Love is choosing to be other-centered for the benefit of your spouse, so that what is important to them becomes important to you. It is unselfish and without pride, and aims to offer them the forgiveness and grace which you did not deserve, but were given anyway by God in spite of your sin.

I realize you may be familiar with other definitions of love, however I believe this definition helps bring married couples to the point of being able to see that their Christian faith is more than a simple tradition. It is a lifestyle of discipleship in which commands such as “love your neighbor as yourself” become formative principles calling each of us to rely on the Lord to empower and guide us as we seek to cherish our significant other.

RECLAIMING OUR PURSUIT OF THE LORD

I’m absolutely confident that couples who pursue the Lord in their daily lives, and consistently educate themselves by studying His Word so that they can faithfully follow its instruction and wisdom, will utterly reap the benefits in their marriage. The reason is that we ultimately live out what we believe and what we focus on. Therefore, let us focus on these things so that we can experience a Christian love that goes beyond words in our marriages.

A MARRIAGE THAT STANDS FIRM

Let me end by encouraging you to never neglect the freedom that we have to pursue God will all our hearts, and to actually know him and his great love, so that your marriage will stand as a clear reflection of the powerful work the Lord is doing within you.

If you are being married in Kitsap County, Washington, here are four easy steps to to help you secure a marriage license and get married!

How To Secure A Legal Marriage License And Get Married In Kitsap County:

1) Make A Trip To The Kitsap County Courthouse in West Sound: Grab your Sweetie and make a trip down to the Kitsap County Courthouse on Division Street in Port Orchard, WA and visit the County Auditor’s Office. The office is open from Monday through Friday, 8 a.m. – 5 p.m., and closed on Fridays. Both of you must apply for the license together and if you are unable to apply in person, you can call the Auditor’s office and start the paperwork to secure your marriage license by mail.

To apply for a marriage license, both of you must be at least 18-years-old and have a current photo ID as proof of identification. If one of you is 17 years, you must have a parent accompany you to the courthouse. Happily, a blood test and physical exam is not required!

When you secure your marriage license in Kitsap County, you must use it within 60 days in Kitsap County or any city, town or County within Washington State. Yes, that’s right! You can purchase your marriage license in any County in Washington State and your license is good for up to 60 days in any County in the State. Oh, and don’t forget ~ there is a three-day waiting period to use the marriage license from the date of your initial application.

So, to re-cap: You have 60 days to use your marriage license. And once you have your license, you must wait 3-days for your waiting period to expire before you can get married.

2) Find A Witness! Well, Find Two Witnesses! Yes, you must have two people over the age of 18 to witness your wedding ceremony and sign your legal documents.

3) Find Someone to Marry You: If you are being married within a recognized religious institution, church or organization, a person to marry you usually comes along with the facility. If you are being married outside of an established institution or organization, you most likely will need to find someone to marry you.

In Kitsap County, there are Non-Denominational Wedding Officiants and Ministers available to create and deliver your wedding ceremony. Fire up the Google and search under “Wedding Officiant Kitsap County” or “Wedding Minister Kitsap County” and create a short list of candidates.

If you have time, arrange to have coffee/tea with your prospects and make your best selection. Officiants and Ministers come in all shapes and sizes so your job is to select someone whose personality and approach to crafting and delivering a ceremony resonates with you.

And if time is short, do this by phone. Fees for Officiant vary greatly and there tends to be no set price range for services.

4) Get Married And Submit Your Signed Legal Paperwork: Once you are married, don’t forget to send your signed legal paperwork back to Kitsap County so your marriage can be officially and legally recorded. Your Officiant or Minister will most probably do this and if you do send your signed documents back by snail mail, allow 10-14 days for processing.

For your file and/or for all official name change pieces, you will need a certified copy of your marriage license once it is recorded. Contact the Auditor’s office for a copy at 360.337.4935.

For more marriage license information, visit the Kitsap County Auditor on the web: http://www.kitsapgov.com/aud/records/marriage.htm

Happy Wedding Day!

Weddings are a special time for a couple that is in love and ready to begin life together as one. Second marriages have become as common as first marriages. There are a number of differences in wedding etiquette between the first and second marriage. One such difference is the engagement ring. When one is planning a second marriage, it is important to consider the etiquette regarding the second marriage engagement ring.

Second wedding engagement rings do not have to be an awkward occasion. Second marriages are often the result of the couple living together so each partner knows the other quite well, such as their likes and dislikes. Because a second wedding is normally between more mature couples they more likely able to discuss the type of rings that they prefer. The bride will often discuss what type of ring she likes, even matching rings. It is important that the couple does not choose ones that are similar to the first marriage. As well, since the couples are more mature, they understand the need to be sensitive and understanding about buying an engagement ring that they can afford. If a woman wants to be surprised, even if it is her second marriage, talk to friends and family about the type of ring she would prefer.

One way to make sure the engagement ring is not similar to a previous one is to pick a diamond that is more brilliant than her first one. Brilliance and glitter and are what establishes the beauty of a diamond. The diamond should be of high quality and well cut. One can also get a different shape ring than the previous ring, as well as a different setting. One can get a gold or platinum band, or a personally designed band. The band should be made of the same precious metal as the engagement ring, so they complement each other. If the bride had a previous diamond engagement ring, one can add a different stone in the ring such as a diamond in the middle of a sapphire. Any diamond should have been graded and independently certified for authenticity. A brand name diamond means the company meets high quality standards.

Planning your wedding for the second time around can be just as romantic and exciting as the first wedding. Second-time brides will appreciate a more refined and elegant style for the ring. However, they often prefer larger and more brilliant diamond rings. They are more likely to get a ring that is bigger and better than the one for the first marriage.

If one is young and just starting out in life when they get married the first time, budgets are normally tight preventing that extravagant dream wedding. When one gets married the second time, it is still a new start in life; however, there is more money this time allowing for more flexibility. On your special wedding day, you will be sharing your joy and love with family and friends. Wearing your dream engagement ring can make the occasion even more memorable.