One of the most memorable quotes I have heard about how women think and dating is a quote from double your dating.com (dating advice for men)… “attraction isn’t a choice” women don’t choose men on a conscious level. Women don’t logically think “ill feel attraction for that man over there because he is the right height, has the right hair colour, right length, has the physique that I’m looking for, I will feel attraction for him…….now”
A women has a deep instant response to a man she is attracted to, which bypasses all rational mental processes, her attraction for a particular man comes from an unconscious level, when you are hungry you dont think consciously “I’m hungry” you find food and eat.
Have you ever had strong feelings for someone who when you think about him on a conscious level he is not your type, but there is something about him that makes it so you cant stop thinking about him, that is attraction without a choice, nothing your friends say will stop you having these feelings its not rational.
You say you want a “nice guy” but that is only because you have had men in your life that have not treated you as you should be treated (with respect and made to feel like a real sexy women).
You think going to the complete opposite must be the answer to your dating problems, wrong, have you heard the saying two wrongs dont make a right in this case its sort of true but I think the more accurate metaphor is goldilocks and the 3 bears, you are goldilocks and the 3 bears are the 3 different men that are out there.
Goldilocks wakes up bored she is looking for something or someone to inject passion into her life, goldilocks goes to her 9-5 job just going through the motions and then into her life come a “nice guy” he treats her good gives her all the attention kisses up to her, gives away his power, goldilocks enjoys it for the first week or so but then something happens goldilocks wakes up.
Bored goldilocks is looking for something or someone to inject passion into her life, she will keep him around but only as a friend but he sees it as more he tries to win her around by buying her things such as flowers, gifts etc. Nothing he says or does will make goldilocks feel attraction for him (he is too cold), attraction isn’t a choice remember.
So again goldilocks is on the look out, goldilocks then meets a guy who is the complete opposite to her “nice guy”, he is dangerous, exciting, passionate (bad boy) goldilocks finally thinks she has found her “mr right”, goldilocks wakes up excited for once in her life. After a few weeks goldolocks begins to notice things about her bad boy (love is blind), her bad boy doesn’t respect her as much as her “nice guy” he chats up other women, he doesn’t acknowledge her public, he would rather spend time with his friends, but she still feels that strong emotion towards him she still feels attraction for him. Women want something that is just out of reach (remember when it was nearing Christmas and you wanted that dolls house, it would be on your mind from the time you woke up to the time you went to sleep.
Christmas eve came and your anticipation for the dolls house would multiply by 100 times, Christmas day arrives and you think to yourself “I really hope I get my dolls house”. You get the dolls house and by boxing day those strong feelings you once had are much, much less, why? because women want what they cant have.
A nice guy you could “have”, but a bad boy you will almost never “have” and that’s what you are looking for. So things dont work out with the bad boy (he is to hot). What you are looking for is a man who has all the positive qualities of nice guys, caring generous, treats you with respect both in public and in private, makes you feel special also women want all the positive qualities of a bad boy, mysterious, hard to read, keeps his power for himself, keeps in control, dangerous, fearless, passionate, what you are looking for is mr right.
Women decide in under one second if she wont sleep with a man. Where as men decide in under one second if they will sleep with a women he sees, both decisions are done unconsciously.
Attraction can be instant or in some cases over time, but if a man messes up ( becomes a wussy) he can lose attraction in an instant.
What a man does at the beginning of the relationship to spark attraction he should keep doing through out the relationship, most men take women to the movies or a restaurant or the first date (boring).
As soon as most men think they have women in the “bag” he slowly stops doing what ever sparked attraction in the first place.
Some men think when they are in a relationship that they don’t have to put in the effort anymore “I have a women now so I can stop trying” when in fact he should double his efforts ( relationship management, physical appearance, men don’t like it when women put on weight so why do men do the same thing). The journey/relationship has only just begun, the easiest part is finding someone (even then that’s difficult and could take years) the hardest part by far is not just keeping someone but keeping someone attracted and feeling “attraction” for you. Over 65% of relationships are mismatches, meaning those two people in that relationship don’t belong together. We all know couples like that.
One of the key areas a man overlooks in a relationship is leading his women. See women appreciate a man who leads (not bossy). If you have a job where you work 9-5, five days a week the last thing you as a women wants to do is plan a night out with her man.
Does it frustrate you when your boyfriend or husband turns to you and says those 7 fateful words “so what do you want to do?”
That is not a real man speaking you deserve better. One of the prices a “real” man has to pay for being in a quality relationship is leading (with respect) and putting in the effort to make sure there is always attraction in the relationship.
A women wants to feel like a queen to her king. A man leading is also true in the bedroom.
