Moving into your first home is a great experience simply because you feel about as grown up as you might ever feel (aside from parenthood). While the exhilaration of this rite of passage may be what’s making each packing box easier to carry, it’s things like advanced foundation repair that can be the cold water in your face you don’t want to think about. Who would blame you, right?

Then again, your foundation serves as the, well, foundation of your home. The biggest material investment of your life is held up by the foundation, so it’s health should be a priority in your life. For some reason, however, it usually isn’t until something comes up that demands your immediate attention. It’s this cycle of putting things off that needs breaking, and this starts with you.

Let’s face it – you’re probably not a home repair wiz who can handle just about any repair needed around the old homestead. Yet, you are probably good at spotting things that seem out-of-place, and this one small skill may be the best tool for tackling the rough world of advanced foundation repair.

If you see these three signs (any one in particular or all of them at once), advanced foundation repair is in your immediate future:

Sloping and Uneven Floors – Walk around your home, and see if you notice any places where your floor slopes or feels uneven under your feet. Use a simple ball to find hard-to-see ups & downs. Also, walk outside and see if your home may be showing signs of a slope.

Trouble Opening/Closing Doors and Windows – Doors are usually quick to spot as being hard to open or close, but with so much reliance on HVAC systems, opening & closing windows doesn’t happen as often. Take the time to check them out, and you’ll certainly know something is off if you see cracks in the glass.

Noticeable Cracks Larger Than 1/4″ Thick – Everyone has heard the old saying, “Oh, that’s just the house settling.” It’s often regarded as no big deal and something that helps explain odd noises in your home. While some cracks can occur as a result of a home settling a bit on the soil underneath it, you want to be sure to watch the width of the cracks. If you’re over the 1/4″ marks, that’s not settling – that’s foundation movement & not acting quickly can have consequences.

Advanced foundation repair, if you’re lucky, will not be something you’ll have to face early in your life as a homeowner. That said, home foundation issues are different from home to home, which is why it’s imperative to be a proactive homeowner & look for warning signs. Being able to see when something may be on the horizon can get an amazing foundation repair company on the premises early. Failure to do so can mean more costly repairs down the road.

Many thanks to Janet (not her real name), who had a session with me to help her with a dog phobia, during an EFT Online and In-Person Training Weekend. This was a while ago, so as far as I can remember, the session went something as follows.

We started by taking some details around this phobia. Janet had grown up with a dog, was never quite comfortable with other dogs, and said something about pitbulls. Clearly pitbulls were bringing up an energy disruption to the surface, and we tapped generally for a short while to de-stress.

Then I asked Janet if I were to show her an episode of the show “Pitbulls and Parolees”, which I love to watch (and I told her why it was such a favourite show), what number would she be at, where 10 was the worst and 0 kind of calm. Janet immediately said she could not watch it at all, and the number was a 15.

In the workshop environment, I made the decision to let her subconscious mind come up with the energy block that was right to release. So, I put out my hand and asked her to imagine my hand is a TV screen. Janet had the virtual remote control in her hand, and on the TV screen was playing a video of her life. Janet was looking through many episodes, good bad and indifferent, going forwards and backwards, till the right episode came up, and Janet could pause the episode either at the beginning or end. I asked if the episode had a title, what would the title be? The answer was “Dog Catcher”.

We started tapping on “Dog Catcher” generally, when the SUDS was at around a 10. Then when it went down a few points, I asked Janet to tell me the story. It was a television episode that Janet had watched, about a dog catcher, where the pitbull that was being caught latched on to the dog catcher’s breast and clamped its jaws on it. We took it step by step, through one part of the episode to the next, till we got to the part where Janet had changed the channel. We kept tapping until we reached a 0.

Along the way, guilt from a memory of not always looking after her dog as a child came up and was released. This may seem strange, but all negative emotion is negative emotion, and any event encapsulates an energy disruption connected to several negative emotions, so we just release the energy disruptions without the need to question them on a logical basis. Logic is logical, emotions do not have to make sense.

Then Janet came up with another event. This one was a regularly recurring event. A neighbour walked his Staffordshire bull terrier with a thick collar. Janet encountered them on the street on a regular basis. She kept referring to the thick collar. At this point, I took time to tell Janet of a pitbull whose owner had dressed her up in a tutu and diamante collar, after both had been spat on numerous times, and how everyone reacted favourably to the peaceful pair since. I love that story and allowed my positive emotions to show as I talked about it.

The SUDS (level of distress) were a 9 or 10 to start with. We tapped for “thick collar”, “Staffordshire bull terrier”, and another aspect that came up, that the owner looked rough. The SUDS went down to a zero, and along the way from the lower SUDS to zero, the story of the pitbull with the tutu and diamante collar came in for Janet.

Then Janet was delighted to watch “Pitbulls and Parolees”. We watched it together and shared that beautiful feeling, as you see two of the most hated sections of society as they really are – loving, caring, and great members of society, given the right environment. I am so grateful to Janet for allowing me to walk this path of her life journey with her. And we are all blessed that Janet has allowed me to publish this story.

Lastly, just a little proviso.

This was a quick gain, as Janet reacts very quickly to the EFT Tapping. If your phobia is more of the complex kind, I recommend that you attend sessions with an experienced practitioner or that you learn EFT with a Trainer who is in addition to training experience, also an experienced practitioner. If EFT is totally new to you, please download a free guide, available at many EFT/Tapping resources, or explore an introductory session with a qualified practitioner.

I hope this helps you or someone you care for.

“Empty Seats” by Wanda Adams Fischer is a must read even if one is not a baseball fan. The author’s distinct, relatable characters revolve around three local high school baseball stars that are called up to the minor leagues to see if “they have it.” But her story encompasses so much more: friendship, expectations, defeat and coming of age.

What boy hasn’t thought of being in the major league, being famous and making millions of dollars? Sadly, many don’t make it, and life has other plans for them. Having grown up in a family where my brothers played little league through high school baseball and my dad a baseball coach for many years, I certainly can relate to the expectations that if one wants to make it to the big leagues, nothing else matters.

“Empty Seats” follows three young men from varied backgrounds who are excellent local pitchers. One young man’s father gave up his dream of being a professional baseball player due to his wife’s wishes; another comes from the south and is a true, gentle soul who makes friends with everyone, while the third boy, angry at the world, comes from a home without a father, and has a very dysfunctional mother.

Given the author’s love of baseball and complete understanding of the game and all its components she has an excellent ability to draw readers into the game. Readers will smell the green grass and feel the excitement of playing on a major baseball field. Cesar, the coach of the pitchers, had me laughing throughout the book. He makes a statement, “Chew think you know everything about the game? Chew know nothing! Nada!” Given most of these young players were kings of baseball at home, they were somewhat shocked at this statement.

The chapters switch narration between each boy, and I find that it gives one the chance to get to know each player and his mindset. I enjoyed the fact that Fischer was able to vividly describe how each boy returned home hoping they will be returning next year. There are many obstacles and challenges that each one experiences during the summer at home. Some are caused by their own doing and others are by chance.

Fischer draws one in with the emotions, upsets and love of the game. You will be on the field with them all and hoping for the best. “Empty Seats” by Wanda Adams Fischer is a true coming of age story and an honest portrayal of aspiring baseball players. I highly recommend this book to everyone even if you aren’t a big fan of the game. You will learn many things about baseball and life.

There is no doubt that when a women reaches her mid forties it can spark a shift in thought patterns and spark the realisation that you perhaps want to pursue new goals and take on new and exciting challenges and here at Plan Free Mum we encourage and support that wholeheartedly. However, whilst some women are free both emotionally and financially to embrace new goals and chase down long held dreams other women over forty find themselves mired in problems which can become truly overwhelming.

One of the main difficulties for older women at this age is being caught in the middle between aging parents and the demands of a teenage family with all the stresses that can bring. Anyone who has teenagers knows that they have the uncanny ability to throw a curveball which can knock you off your stride completely. Then there is the pain of relationship breakdown. The mid forties is an age when relationships often get reassessed as kids grow up and become independent. Couples often find that they no longer have anything in common and decide to go their separate ways. Add to this the onset of menopausal symptoms, which many women over forty begin to experience and it’s a powder keg of emotional stress. All of these problems, when taken individually are bad enough, but for older women they tend to come all at once, barely allowing you to draw a breath before the next crisis emerges.

When an elderly parent falls ill it is entirely natural to want to run to their side and offer help in whatever way possible. This can involve long round trips to hospitals, cleaning, shopping, administering medication and generally acting support in whatever way is needed. However, whilst all this is going on, your own family is neglected and despite the fact that they are grown up enough to look after themselves, many women feel a terrible sense of guilt that cannot be assuaged. You are damned if you do and you are damned if you don’t because if you don’t tend to your elderly parents needs you can bet you’ll feel even more guilty. Furthermore, if you are trying to hold down a full time or even part time job the whole thing gets even more stressful. Trying to manage illness, family and work becomes an ever increasing juggling game for women in their forties and sometimes it seems you are the only one playing!

On top of all this Mother Nature decides to throw her lot into the mix. Many women over forty start to experience menopausal symptoms – night sweats, mood swings, aggression, increased PMS, insomnia. In some ways this is no bad thing. The general busyness and commotion of every day life can distract from these symptoms and certainly leaves no room for the indulging of them. However, if they are very bad and, for example, stop you from sleeping then matters soon become unbearable and you find yourself no good to anyone, least of all the people who need you.

Annoyingly, we cannot choose what life throws at us and when but it is worth noting that this ‘sandwich’ between elderly relatives and the demands of a family of your own is pretty unique to older women. Everyone has problems throughout their lives of course, but for women over forty they come in multipacks instead of one at a time. The trick, according to some of our members here on the forum at Plan Free Mum, is to delegate and not feel guilty about it. If you have older children it’s important that they realise they have to do their bit, perhaps learn to prepare a meal or do the ironing, walk the dogs etc. Expectations have to be lowered on all fronts, especially your own. If you have siblings, make sure they are doing their fair share of the looking after too. It’s all too easy to just get on with it yourself simply to avoid the family arguments, but in the end it’s important that everyone pulls their weight. In your own home, stop worrying about clean bathrooms and home cooked meals and at work, have a conversation with your boss, explain the situation and see if you can come to some arrangement where you can make up time or work from home or swap shifts or even take a period of unpaid leave if you are in a financial position to do so.

Hitting forty is an exciting time for a woman, and as you move on through your forties most women find things change and there are a lot of challenges to cope with and problems to be faced and solved. However, don’t loose heart in the melee of it all. As we are always pointing out here at PFM, you probably still have half your live left to live and now is the time, even during the darkest days, to starting dreaming about what you want to do with it. Older women now have more opportunities than every before so hold on to that thought, to that dream and when things calm down a bit you can join the thousands of other women over forty who have changed the second half of their lives for the better.

1. Is your breed good with kids and retired people? Poodles are the #1 most popular family dog. With Teddy Bear Poodles quickly becoming the most popular. Most people think they don’t look like Poodles at all. I have been breeding for over 30 yrs and I have heard more than once, usually from the man in the family, we are not getting a Poodle. Maybe it is because of the stigma that goes along with the weird hair doo for show Poodles or if it’s just the name I don’t know. But the miniature and Standard Poodles are one of the toughest dog you will ever own. With the toy poodle being the ultimate lap dog. If the Toy Poodle has not grown up around little children they might be sensitive to the fast movements or rough play of children, I recommend that you socialize your Toy Poodle from young puppies to enjoy children and not fear them. Let me tell you once you have owned a poodle you will never change breeds.

Now you can have the most intelligence, non-shedding, friendly, protective, loyal, easiest dog to train. Poodles can look like little teddy bears or in a more traditional cut will look more like a Poodle in the show ring.

Many breeds have well-known behavior issues. Notorious or inherited genetic disposition’s that can turn into destructive behavior which at least are annoying and may go as far as having to hire a professional behavior specialist for help. I have heard people say, is my dog ever going to grow up and out grow these bad habits? Poodles do not have any notorious/genetic bad habits. Some people refer to Poodles as having an old soul. They are wise and have good common sense from the start. Eight week old puppies are easily taught things because they want to please their owners. I often use the term people pleaser to describe my Poodles. Your Poodle will worship the ground you walk on.

I have found male Poodles are preferred over females when it comes to families. Male Poodles seem to like everyone in the family equally. Sometimes females will choose one person as their favorite to lavish their love on. Females can also fight with other females where males seem to get along with everyone.

Teddy bear poodles can look like puppies forever. The Teddy Bear is a special clip that you can request from your groomer. There are many different hair styles that you can put on a poodle because of the type of hair they have.

You can’t go wrong with the Poodle, if you are an inexperienced dog owner or have a busy life style with children the Poodle will be the perfect choice for you.

2. What is special about your breed? Poodles are the most intelligence, non-shedding, friendly, protective, loyal, easiest dog to train. Poodles can look like little teddy bears or in a more traditional cut will look more like a poodle in the show ring.

Many breeds have well-known behavior issues, often called the terrible 2’s. I have heard people say, is my dog ever going to grow up and out grow these bad habits? Poodles do not have any notorious/genetic bad habits. Some people refer to Poodles as having an old soul. They are wise and have good common sense from the start. Eight week old puppies are easily taught things because they want to please their owners, and are intelligent enough to focus on their owners and what they are saying. I have 6 week old puppies that watch and listen to everything I do often turning their head intently listening and learning, they are amazing. I often use the term people pleaser to describe my Poodles. They really worship the ground we walk on.

The miniature and Standard Poodles are one of the toughest dog you will ever own. With the toy poodle being the ultimate lap dog. Let me tell you once you have owned a poodle you will never change breeds.

3. What Dog Group does the poodle fall in? Teacup and Toy Poodles are in the toy group. Miniature and standard Poodles are in the Non-sporting group.

4. What do you breed? I breed Teacup Poodle, Toy Poodle and Teddy Bear Teacup and Toy Poodles.

5. How much exercise does your breed need daily? Depending on the size and temperament of your dog, Poodles, as do all breeds need outdoor exercise, if for nothing else to mentally stimulate them. One to two 15 minutes walks for the smaller ones and up long distance bike rides for the larger ones, and anything in between.

6. Does your breed shed? No.

7. Do you train your puppies or dogs, any suggestions for buyers? My puppies are all house broken using a Potty Park before they leave. Many people don’t have the patience or time it really takes to make the first few months of housebreaking quick and painless. So I do the training for you. If you are a first time dog owner, Poodles are perfect for you. Poodles are a people pleaser they want to be good and crave your approval. They are also a very clean dog.

8. Any notable predispositions with your breed? Poodle love everyone and are very smart don’t let them out smart you. Next thing you know they will have you trained.

9. Do you offer any Certifications related to combat genetic predispositions? Yes, science has identified many DNA markers to assist breeders in breeding the common genetic disease out of the breed. I do genetic testing on my adult breeding dogs to ensure to the best of my ability that your puppy has no genetic health issues. You can read my Puppy sales Contract to see health guarantee.

10. How long have you been breeding? A little over 30 yrs.

11. How many litters a year, do all your babies get attention? It is very important, especially with the Teacup poodles and toy poodles that they are socialized properly. Each stage of their life from birth is impressionable. I try to do everything for my puppies, so they will be adjusted. They are taught not to bark for attention, to lie calmly in your arms when you hold them. They go for short car rides, they are used to going outside, inside and walking on different textures. They are surrounded by all the normal household noises. And most importantly the weaning process is done slowly to ensure they don’t grow up with separation anxiety issues. I won’t have too many puppies at one time that they can’t all get the proper attention they require.

12. Do you Show, any events or activities? Yes I show in AKC confirmation classes and have many Champions. My dogs do therapy dog work in hospitals and retirement facilities. None my own personal dogs but many of my puppies have gone on to compete in obedience and agility trials. I even have some miniature poodles that can out hunt a Labrador Retriever.

13. Do you breed more than one breed? Yes I also breed Yorkshire Terriers.

14. Are all shots up to date when puppies are sold? Yes my puppies are current on vaccinations and worming.

15. Are your pets registered? My dogs are AKC registered.

16. Do you own the parents of the puppies sold, are they available to view? Yes I own the dogs I breed they are all considered my kids a part of my family. Most people request to see the parents. Which I appreciate a consumer educated and interested in the quality of the puppies, and where they come from.

17. Do you have a Contract? Yes my health guarantee and Puppies Sale Contract can be read online or emailed to you upon request.

18. Any guarantee? I have a complete guarantee. My puppies also go to the vet for regular well puppy exams. And you are given a copy of the vet report along with complete shot records. Please refer to my website.

19. Do you have any Client complaints not settled? No I am very honest with my buyers, to be certain they are getting what they want. I am not high pressure and never try to push a puppy on anyone. I have the best before, during and after customer service you could ask for.

20. Why do you think you are a 1st Class Breeder? I breed for the best quality Teacup poodle, Toy Poodle and Miniature Poodle possible. With great calm temperaments, correct confirmation, with beautiful thick curly coats and a gorgeous look. I do genetic health testing on my adult dogs to ensure they don’t carry genetic diseases.

Buying a puppy over the Internet can be a scary thing to do. But from my point of view it is just as scary selling to someone I have never met or seen. I have sold my puppies to many celebrities that have come to my home to pick up their new puppies. I have many testimonials on my face book page, Little Poodle, and on my website. I don’t think you could find a better bred, better raised puppy.

21. Tell us about your area where you pets are raised? My puppies are born next to my bed and many of them right in my hand. I consider my dogs my kids and they live with me like family, since I don’t have any human kids. They are loved, cuddled, and allowed to play in the great outdoor every day.

22. Tell us anything you want, we missed? I can say that you will be totally satisfied if you get a puppy from me. From the quality of my pups to the no pressure sales approach, to the variety of puppies I offer. The best before and after purchase service you can get.

23. Do you offer any pet supplies, products or service, what? Yes here at my place I have some puppy supplies for sale. I also sell the Potty Park at a discount here and on my website. If you click the Potty Park banner link you will save $10.00. I also have a complete list on my puppies for sale page of what I recommend you get for your puppy before you get it home.

Thanks for the Interview

Specializing in Teddy Bear Poodles, Teacup Poodles and Toy Poodles.

Leadership personality traits can be influenced by your birth order – only child, firstborn, middle born, or last born. Leadership is the social influence of an individual to gain the support and help of others to accomplish a common goal. The way you influence your team is affected by the way you were raised according to your birth order. Although firstborn and only children are famous for being great leaders, the other birth orders also have unique leadership personality traits, and can successfully lead a team in their own unique way.

The well-known fact is that firstborn children make great leaders. First born birth order traits include being reliable, well-organized, hard driven, serious and a natural leader.

64% of the US Presidents have been firstborns, if not psychological firstborns.

Firstborn children have no elder sibling to look up to as role models, and so look up to the adults, mom and dad as role models. As a result they develop more grown-up characteristics, including leadership personality traits such as being organized, in control of things, and being reliable. They grow up seeing adults who tend to do everything perfectly. By the age of 5 a firstborn child would already have his personality well-formed.

There will also be a disadvantageous side, and in the case of hard driven high achieving firstborns, it is either their bodies that will break down, or their relationships with loved ones. It would make sense, as often traits that help you succeed outside of home – at work and other organizations, often do not help you the same way at home.

Naturally, the only child who is also known as a Super Firstborn would have no problem being a leader as well. In fact, most of the leadership personality traits of a firstborn would be emphasized more so in an Only Child. They are also assertive and know exactly what they want and naturally have high expectations of themselves as well as others around them, which drives them to strive for the best.

Only Children these days also exhibit high confidence, high self-esteem and are initiative, which also makes them ideal for leading.

It is not the end of the world if you are a middle born or last born wanting to climb to the top of the social ladder. In fact if you are one you would not really be thinking about going to the top anyway.

Middle borns may not necessarily have the assertiveness, nor perfectionist trait in them, but middle borns have grown up adopting both their eldest and youngest sibling’s best traits (the ones that obtain approval from the parents). They develop a good blend of the good “attractive” traits, which may serve advantageous to them later in life. In fact middle borns may also strive to outdo their eldest sibling, although they may not necessarily succeed in doing so. They may develop a milder version of the firstborn leadership personality traits, and can STILL succeed as a leader. Another strength of the middle born is his ability to mediate through conflicts. A leader not only has to well, lead a team of people, but also has to resolve disputes with others, and among his followers. A middle born child will have the ability to do this well.

The mediating middle born dislikes conflicts, which is why he always strives to make peace. If the middle born is not dealing with a dispute head on, he is most likely avoiding it, which does not serve well for a leader. Leaders tend to go head on with conflicts and try to resolve them in order to advance, whether or not they manage it well enough. But for a middle born to avoid an argument, and gradually pent-up feelings of discontent, there will come a day when the bottled up feelings erupt into an ugly situation.

Last born leadership personality traits are almost nothing like the firstborn leadership personality traits. They are a spontaneous group of people who do not appreciate rules and laws as well as the firstborn. They enjoy making changes and are more likely to take risks.

Over the years, experts have identified that risk-taking is one of the core leadership personality traits, and who more well-equipped with that than the last born! He grew up with relaxed rules, and often got away with trouble, which have possibly enhanced his risk-taking behavior. “Maybe I get away with trouble again this time!” He thinks to himself.

With great risk comes great responsibility, and when things do not necessarily turn out as expected, the last born needs to learn to take responsibility for his decision and face the consequences. This is something that needs to be improved on, as a last born is more likely to run away from it, thinking that he can perhaps get away with it. When he DOES face up to the music, he may not seek the approval from his superiors with his lax spontaneous attitude to the situation, which can often by mistaken by them (most likely firstborns) as not being serious. This is definitely one leadership personality trait that needs to be worked on!

It can be seen that there is no one birth order who makes a perfect leader. One has to recognize his strengths and weaknesses which he can try identifying from his birth order. A good leader is one who has the power to influence, but in doing also recognizes and admits his weaknesses as well. Only then can he gain the respect of his followers.

The various birth orders have their own leadership personality traits and by identifying them and using them to his advantage, one can achieve so much more!

Yet another deeply personal rap written by Eminem’s Mockingbird is without a doubt one of his more “grown up” releases. After the in your face antics of of the Slim Shady LP and the anger driven tracks of Marshall Mathers LP, Mockingbird is the sign of a rapper who is finally becoming a man.

The track opens with Em addressing his daughter Hailey, and her cousin Lainie, who are obviously troubled from the turbulent relationship of Eminem and his wife, Kim. He acknowledges their feelings “I can see you’re sad, even when you smile…deep inside you want to cry” and tries to explain how things came to be this way “daddy’s on the move, mommy’s on the news” though it won’t change anything.

For Eminem, Mockingbird is a way to speak to a child on their own terms; the song lacks the profanity found in so many other Eminem tracks (e.g. “Kim” or “97 Bonnie and Clyde” in which he murders his wife).

Marshall Mathers also credits Kim for her role when they were new parents. He doesn’t shy from the fact that he was too poor to pay for presents, and that Kim actually bought some for Hailey, telling her it was Eminem who paid for it. It takes a lot of guts to admit to something like that, and is yet another telling feature that Em is growing up.

Encore as a whole can’t hold a candle to his previous releases, yet for Eminem, Mockingbird is a throwback -in terms of quality- to tracks such as “Stan.” It demonstrates a lyricist who is able to dig beneath the surface and find the emotions most people refuse to admit. The fact that he admits these emotions to millions of people on a platinum album makes the emotional intensity that much more impressive.

Despite the problems brought on by Marshall and Kim’s relationship “Poppa was a rolling stone, Mama developed a habit” Eminem’s love for his daughter and niece remains strong, even as their world fell apart around them. The song concludes with Em realizing that his two girls are growing up fast, and from someone who has lived life in the fast lane, he can appreciate what is in store for both of them.

For long term fans of Eminem Mockingbird may be one of the best tracks on Encore. For new fans, it serves an introduction to one of hip hop’s most legendary rappers at the top of his game, even if the album as a whole lacks the sparkle of earlier releases.

Whether they’ve never left the nest or, like so many in the “boomerang generation, they’re returning home after some time away, you’re likely struggling to find ways to make the relationship with your adult children living at home work. The good news is, grown-up kids can live successfully at home – but only if you avoid some critical mistakes right from the start (or correct them right away!).

1. Encouraging rebellion by taking up parenting right where you left off

It may be hard to remember sometimes, but adult children living at home are still adults. A sure way to set yourself up for conflict is to over-parent them.

Adults who are over-parented and over-supervised will rebel as quickly as teenagers, so you need to develop some strategies to establish a new adult-to-adult relationship – quick!

2. Stealing your child’s independence by giving them a “free ride”

It can be very tempting to try to help your “boomerang” kids by covering all of their living expenses – especially if they’ve returned home after a personal crisis like losing a job or the end of a relationship.

But why should they ever learn to take care of themselves when you’re all too eager to do it for them? Even a short-term stay should require your “boomerang” kids to contribute to household expenses and chores. The best way to set these expectations clearly is by working out a household budget, so everyone is on the same page in terms of the extra costs your adult child is causing at home.

3. Assuming that since you’re all grown-ups, there’s no need for rules

If you think you don’t need ground rules for your adult children living at home, consider how you’d feel about them smoking, drinking, or using drugs in your home – or even bringing a lover to stay overnight.

As strange as it may sound, experts agree that the best way to discuss – and stick to – these household rules is to draft up a customized contract between you and your “boomerang” kids.

4. Compromising your own financial situation to support your adult child

With adult children living at home, you’ll be using more heat, hot water, and electricity. You’ll need to buy more groceries. In fact, all your household expenses will increase. But no matter what you do, do not put your own financial future on the line to support your adult child. You do neither yourself nor your children any good by creating extra debt or obligations for yourself.

If you don’t know where the money to make the situation work will come from, you need to think long and hard about whether you can help your adult child by having them live at your home.

5. Assuming they will leave when the time is right

The best way to ensure your “boomerang” kids leave within a reasonable timeframe is to establish a clear timeline for their stay and milestones to help them reach independence.

Most adult children living at home don’t plan to stay forever. But if they don’t have any clear idea of when they need to leave – or how they’ll work towards being able to do so, they may end up stuck.

By establishing a timeline with clear milestones, you can empower your adult child to leave the nest. If you don’t create a timeline, they may end up calling your house “home” for much longer than you – or even they – had planned.

Final Thoughts

Having adult children living at home can be extremely challenging for everyone involved. But there are some simple ways to make the situation easier for everyone, and avoiding these 5 dangerous mistakes is a key step.

Remember that a successful relationship with your adult child really boils down to establishing good ground rules and managing expectations. One of the best ways to do that is to create a contract that everyone in the home will stick to.

Sometimes situation may arise in life when a child has grown up being raised by grandparents. The sudden death, divorce and parental abuse leave the children in the custody of grandparents. The best people in such a time to raise the children are grandparents. The present US legislation on grandparent’s rights to raise their grandchildren is limited in that it requires prior court approval and sanction to take custody and of the child. This is so important when either one or the two parents object to the visitation and grandparents rights even if the child wants to visitation.

Now the important question that arises here is; are all grandparents able to care for their grandchildren? The answer to this question is both yes and no which means that the fundamental right of parents to raise their children can not be questioned. The aim of finding a solution to this dilemma is to protect the best interest of the child. In their young ages the children may become emotionally upset because of the family troubles.

Some Advantages of Grandparenting:

Looking after a child keeps the grandparents energetic and vibrant even though their health may not be suitable for a continuous activity. They develop a security feeling that grandchildren may look after them when they become too dependent on others due to old age. Among grandparents, grandmothers have a distinct role when looking after a child. Children develop more attachment towards their grandmothers because most of the time the grandmother baths, feeds and even reads books to them. Research has shown that when children are cared for by their grandmothers, they have lesser possibility of getting bodily injuries. When the children are looked after by the parents or other near relatives often they forget to watch the children while they get involved in other work. Grandparents are more cautious about children and their safety.

The Disadvantages of Grandparenting:

Not all grandparents are capable of raising their grandchildren. They might have their own problems which make them unfit for looking after a child. The death of a child’s parents often put the responsibility on the grandparents to raise the children. An important issue is the loss of memory. Grandparents may forget to give medicines to the child or they may forget to buy something important for them. Those with physical disabilities and problems may find it difficult to look after children. The poor financial status of the grandparents may affect the child’s health and education.

The success of grandparenting depends on various factors. It includes the physical and mental health of the grandparents, the support they get from other relatives and the community, the financial status and the emotional and health problems of the children. Grandparents raising grandchildren is a more loving option than a child being placed with strangers.

If you’re like me, and your mother is an adult child of an alcoholic, you may have grown up feeling more like a specimen in a petri dish, than a carefree–joy-seeking, innocent little child. If your mom is an ACOA who has not done her recovery work, you may have grown up feeling like something was always wrong, but because there was no alcohol abuse to point at you may have sadly learned to presume that the angst you felt within–that you could not name–was ‘you’.

Adult children of alcoholics who have not done their recovery work, are unaware as to how severely their emotional selves have been impacted. Because their priorities in life were ranked according to their needs to simply survive, often times unaware ACOA’s are stuck, and do not even realize it.

Because alcoholism is such an insidious disease, it seeps into the crevices of psyches like a fog. To make matters worse, because alcohol consumption is often times so glorified socially, it is difficult to grab hold of the idea that people who abuse alcohol are acting irresponsibly, not only to others, but to Self as well.

If your parents were emotionally neglected as children because their parents were alcoholics, they may be unaware to the extent of just how ‘disconnected’ they are to their own Self/Selves. When a childhood is lived saturated in fear, survival is often the only thing on a child’s mind. Because the basic instincts of a child must be on hyperdrive, in order to simply survive, there is little time to mature emotionally, and to connect to the spiritual side of Self. And when these adult children of alcoholics have children of their own, they parent blindly and detached from any notion that they are disconnected emotionally from within at all. As a result–many times ACOA’s are unable to form authentic paternal bonds with their children–simply because they are totally clueless as to what they are NOT giving their child.

ACOA’s, like the rest of us–are doing the best they can. But unfortunately many times they are blind to what it means to ‘feel’ loved on a psychological level, because they have no experience of ever ‘feeling seen psychologically’ themselves–as a result of being raised by self absorbed, inebriated, non-sensical, alcoholics. Because they themselves had alcohol to point to as the reason to ‘why’ mommy or daddy was not there for them–later on in life, many ACOA’s make the conscious decision NOT drink, presuming that by choosing not to drink–their adult lives will turn out just fine. What they fail to understand however, is that alcohol is not the problem. An aching sense of self alienation–is.

If you are the adult child of an emotional manipulator, alcoholic, narcissistic mother, drug addict, sexual abuser, verbal abuser and alike, you have been raised by an individual who is cloaked by the curse of self alienation. Because they are so alienated within Self–they are unaware and sadly unable to ‘see’ you in an authentic way. You were raised like one might attempt to raise a couch. You were supposed to sit there, to be still, to be quiet, and to not get in the way. You were supposed to magically one day grow up, be happy, and move on. Your adult child of an alcoholic parent–of course would have been totally dumbfounded by any claim by you, implying that they did not do enough to instill in you a true sense of worth. Their reaction to your claim might sound something like, “You ungrateful little brat. Don’t you see how hard I tried to make you happy. I brought you into this house, fed and clothed you. There was always heat running through the walls, and I always said ‘good morning and how was your day’, what more did you want from me? Did you want me to wipe your ass for you too?”

Any attempt by you–the adult child of the adult child of an alcoholic–to try and make your parent ‘see’ or ‘understand’ the emptiness or disconnect you felt with them–would have been met harshly and with insurmountable loads of guilt. You would have been made to feel like the lowest of the low for daring to insinuate that there was something that your ACOA parents failed to give you. In their minds, because all of your basic needs were met, unlike theirs as children–they would have been unable to comprehend that there was anything they could have missed. In their minds, they didn’t drink, your home was always clean, and there was always food in the fridge. Because you never ever had to worry about where you were going to sleep at night, in your parents minds, they are at a loss as to what ‘disconnect’ you are trying to express.

In all fairness to our adult children of alcoholic parents–if they did not choose to drink–they did in fact make much better choices as parents than their own parents. Although we–their children may have grown up feeling lost in the abyss that is the fog that lingers long after our alcoholic grandparents die, it is not our ACOA parents fault that they were raised by parents who were so drunk, and self absorbed that they couldn’t see them psychologically.

On the road to recovery, you will be confronted by many hidden secrets. If part of your soulful excavating has you staring at the fact that your parents are adult children of alcoholics–congratulations–you have found another piece of the puzzle that is you.

Moving forward, you will need to embrace the lack you feel within–that has been the torch of self alienation that has been past down to you by your ACOA parents. Healing requires you to embrace the lost shattered facets of Self. Try not to spend too long of a time in blaming your parents for time lost. Instead, see it–acknowledge it–welcome your soul home–learn to forgive–and finally let go.

Hire a therapist or Life Coach to move you along your way in life, so that you can begin making healthier life choices for your future.

Read as much as possible about what it means to be an adult child of an alcoholic, as well as what it means to be the grand child of alcoholics. Attend 12 step meetings, and on line social communities that are geared towards raising self awareness. Learn about codependency, enabling, denial, projection, and fantasy type distracting based thinking. Begin meditating in the mornings before you start your day, and do another as you drift off to sleep. Start taking baths, rather than showers. The goal is to learn to embrace Self, rather than avoid Self any longer.

Congratulations and good luck to you on your transformational journey.

You are loved.

Namaste.