When a guy breaks up with you, it’s not always the end. More often than not, we’re tired of the stress and fighting – we just want a break from constantly having to deal with those things. Sometimes we do actually break up with a girlfriend in order to date someone else, and although this hurts more than normal at least it’s better than being cheated on.
Regardless of how your relationship ended, if you want to get back an ex boyfriend you’ll have to learn what to do… and what NOT to do. Below are some deep insights into the male mind; essentially what we’re thinking just after the relationship ends.
First off, we want to avoid you. Right after a breakup, things are weird for us. Seeing you can be extremely awkward, which is why your ex suddenly seems ‘cold’ immediately after he ends your relationship. He’s not being mean – he’s doing this for his own reasons, not yours. A guys doesn’t want the conflict or scrutiny that comes from seeing you post-relationship, so avoidance is easier.
Making yourself scarce around this time will go a long way toward getting a man back. If you can somehow drop out of sight, we suddenly wonder where you went. Crazy, right? But it’s true. As much as we feel awkward around you, we still want to know where you are… what you’re doing… who you’re with. Even though we initiated the break up, any residual feelings can still cause jealousy. One of the most comforting things for a guy is to see his ex girlfriend upset, home, and alone. It makes him us feel as if we’ve made the right decision.
But on the contrary, seeing you out with friends and having fun is like poison to us. No guy wants to think a girl’s having more fun without him than she was with him. Even if he’s convinced himself he has no feelings or needs a break, seeing his ex smiling and laughing right after a break up is a huge blow to his ego. This leads him to wonder: if this girl was is so much fun, why the hell did I dump her in the first place? Winning back your boyfriend is all about putting him into this state of mind.
Another big issue after the breakup: contact. While still in the awkward beginning stages, we don’t yet want to talk to you. However, that’s not to say we don’t want you to call. Again, a guy always wants to know that he’s still desired. Seeing your number on his caller ID is food for his ego. This verifies that you’re lonely, and he’s satisfied that you’re going nowhere while you’re still calling his phone.
On the flip side, looking at his phone and finding no missed calls is very disconcerting to a guy who just broke up with his girlfriend. He expects to see you call. He expects an email, or a text message, or a friend of yours to come speak to him on your behalf. But NOT doing these things, you’ve once again piqued his interest. You’ve rattled his expectations, and done the exact opposite of what he thought you would. Just by doing nothing, you’ve got him wondering.
You see, no matter who he is or how long you’ve been dating, any guy who breaks up with you wants one single thing: to keep the door to your relationship open. Even if it’s open just a tiny crack, the fact that the door’s not totally closed is comforting to him. Weeks, months, even years later, a guy likes to think he can revisit that relationship IF he wants to. Knowing that neither of you closed the door keeps him comfortable – he’s not going to think too much about getting back into a serious long-term relationship unless he’s worried.
This is where you can take some control. There are ways you can pull that door closed, or at least almost so. By seizing that control, you’re suddenly upsetting his comfortable position of being able to revisit your relationship and date you again if it suits him. By moving on with your life, and allowing him to see it, you’re ever-so-slightly pulling that door tighter in your direction. This is what will make your ex want you back: the thought of you not being there anymore, even in the smallest capacity.
