A good wedding ceremony is designed for you to make the promises that will live into in marriage and to invite your community to witness those vows. Witnessing is an active rather than a passive verb. It doesn’t just mean seeing or hearing in this instance, it means understanding the importance of and being willing to support and celebrate.

As you’re planning your Statement of Support for your community, you want to make sure that you say to them exactly why you’re asking them to be your witnesses. It’s so easy (and frustrating) that in the push for fabulous weddings that we often forget why you’re having a wedding and why you’re inviting guests. It’s not because you needed to have a party to impress people. It’s because marriage needs all the support and celebration it can get!

It’s well proven that marriages that are part of well-established communities do better. Part of it is that there are folks to talk about issues with. Part of it is that there are models to emulate. Part of it, I’m sure is that no one wants to be embarrassed by calling it quits when things go wrong. And hey, if embarrassment gets you through some of the hard parts, that’s all right!

In your Statement of Support, you want to explain to your community why they are the ones who were important to be here today as witnesses and why they will be helpful to you in the time ahead.

• They’ve always supported you and they’ve always been honest and helpful. These are the people who came ran your Boy Scout Troop, were members of your church group or sorority, who work with you. They have either known you your entire life, or they’ve known you as you were becoming who you are.

• They have good marriages. Why wouldn’t you want people who are good role models around you? Marriage is not easy. Why not have people around who have gotten it right. There may well be people who have made peace with their marriages that aren’t marriages you’d be particularly happy to be in. But even from them, you have stuff to learn.
• They know and respect one another and will form a good community around you. Although you’re going to want to spend some blissful time together celebrating your marriage and your newly made wedding vows, you’re also going to get to a point where talking about all the wonderful things that happened at the wedding and the wonderful ways you felt in the midst of the wedding ceremony will be enough. You’re going to want to invite people over for thanksgiving, or the ball game, or a tough game of trivia. Establishing a rhythm of alone time and community time will give your year markers. These fun community events tie you to your marriage. They help your friends become friends. And that’s a good thing.

So tell your friends and family how excited you are to have them with you as you make your wedding vows and celebrate your love. And remind them that you will always want them around. Your marriage will be the better for it. And so will you!