In this article we look at ways to eliminate performance anxiety. This is necessary not only for the successful resolution of premature ejaculation but also to enhance enjoyment of all sexual experiences.
How many times have you read a heading like this in magazines or books? "Give your woman toe-curling, screaming orgasms every time. Just follow these simple steps." How many times have they delivered what they promised? The usual advice doled out in these articles is a series of "tricks" or techniques that promise you the perfect experience every time.
Let me save you a lot of money and frustration. The promise of perfect sex all the time, is impossible to achieve. Pursuing it will only lead to disappointment.
I am sure you understand that you will not always have a great game on the golf course or the tennis court. You may be disappointed with those days, but you will not get down on yourself and start questioning your masculinity and your worth as a human being. You have not been taught to believe that having a bad day at one of these activities makes you a failure. Unfortunately, you have been taught this about sex. In order to develop a sex life where both you and your partner can come away from every experience feeling good about it and feeling good about each other, you must re-educate yourself so that your expectations are realistic.
As I said earlier, the danger with holding on to this "normal" image of what it is to be a "real" man, is that, you are doomed to fail some of the time. The truth is, that even if you can live up to this ideal most of the time, there will still be times when your partner does not have a great experience, for reasons that have nothing to do with you (fatigue, stress, ill- health etc). So, you not only have to give up your longing to be a super-stud, but you have to understand that you are not totally responsible for your partner's satisfaction. Providing her with the kind of stimulation she lets you know she enjoys, is all you can do. The rest is up to her.
I have spent a lot of time talking about unrealistic goals that will doom you to failure and lead to your getting caught up in the destructive fear of failure cycle. Lets now look at developing a healthy, achievable goal.
If you continue to hold on to any goal, other than the one I am about to suggest, you are bound to fail some of the time. If you accept it you can't possibly fail. Pay attention now! This is probably the single most valuable piece of advice you are ever going to get to ensure that you thoroughly enjoy sex for the rest of your life. Please do not just gloss over this.
THE ONLY REALISTIC GOAL OF ANY SEXUAL ENCOUNTER IS THAT IT BE A SATISFACTORY, ENJOYABLE EXPERIENCE FOR BOTH PARTNERS, NO MATTER WHERE IT ENDS UP .
The last six words are the most important. They mean that regardless of whether the experience ends up with intercourse and orgasm for one or both partners, or an orgasm with intercourse for one partner, and for the other with manual or oral, or self-stimulation, or with the help of a vibrator . Or it may mean an orgasm for one partner but not the other. As long as you both agree about a satisfactory end point, you can't fail.
The only way to make sure that one of these options is satisfactory and acceptable to your partner is to be able to discuss it with them. To let them know, in the moment, what is going on for you and to find out what is going on for them. Then you can decide on how to finish the experience so that you are both OK with it.
You do not have to pretend that it was an ideal experience if it was not. You can acknowledge that it was as good as it could be under the circumstances. In that way you can both feel good about it and look forward to the next time, which will hopefully (but not necessarily) be closer to what you want ideally. We all have our preferences and I am not suggesting that you alter them or pretend they don't exist or give up on working towards them. You know how you would like things to work out ideally. When you understand that it will not always end up that way, for a multitude of reasons, and when both partners are willing to accept that fact, then you can decide how to finish any experience in a way that is satisfactory for both of you.
And you will never suffer from performance anxiety.
