I recommend this tip to any female family member or friend when they find their boyfriend or ex boyfriend is calling or texting them less, or isn’t contacting them at all. This usually works within two weeks and in as short as 24 hours. Whether your ex boyfriend is screening your calls, you just broke up recently, or he emphasized that he wouldn’t call again, this advice will always steer the situation in your favor and drive your ex to initiate contact.

Note to the lovely women who want to try this: The advice I’ll give now may affront some, and to those who feel offended: you are vivacious and bold and I very much admire you. To all others, the same sentiment and admiration! Every girl has her own innate allurement.

Here are my tips that I adhere to and recommend to my sisters and female friends (because they work dazzlingly!) When leaving a message for or writing an e-mail, text, or IM to virtually any man except for Dad, regardless of how long you’ve been going out as boyfriend and girlfriend and especially if you two have known each other for less than a few months, always keep the letter short and sweet, nothing heavy, full of feelings, or long! Try to hold off on writing or calling him for as long as you can – you’ll feel much better if your ex boyfriend calls you first after a while, as this is relieving in so many ways. Firstly, this shows he likely wants to draw close the long distance between you two and has been thinking about you – “absence makes the mind fonder of a great love.” Your ex boyfriend can only think about you if you let him be for a while.

Implementing the no contact rule with your ex boyfriend usually always works in your favor further since most men need time off to get over the negative feelings and disappointment of a breakup and will only pull further away if this isn’t respected. Words may help you to get over the break up and move on through your pain, but men hardly are the same. Many times while going out your voice was a buoyancy to him – now, no matter how he feels about you, it’s better that he receive as little or no communication from you in the period of time following your breakup. If you feel distracted to the point of calling him when you haven’t heard from him or he hasn’t called back, take care of yourself and others instead. Try being involved in a giving activity – it’ll get you out of a negative mindset. Make sure you yourself are getting enough rest and care.

I went totally against this rule when I was younger – calling and IMing them daily (which only resulted in ‘being treated like one of the guys’ and pursuits from recently broken-up guys looking for a rebound) and drove away a few guys in as short as a few hours. One of those guys came back within a year later with great fervency later when I stuck to these tips, calling me several times each day; he told me he felt I was “coming on too strong” in the past whilst showing my interest – I agree!

Some of the reasons for severely diminishing or eliminating contact with your ex boyfriend are so you won’t have to sit there in the painful or embarrassing silence of a quiet phone or checking for an e-mail that never arrives. I believe we’ve all been there wondering if he read our message yet or if his phone is off, if he’s with someone else or his ex, or if he forgot. The reason why he won’t contact you back may be outlandish but you’ll only stiffen his resolve by sending further communication. His “no contact” is a message to you already – that he’s not ready to talk yet right now, but likely will be later. You’ll know definitely when he calls you that he wants to hear you talk.