Getting through a break up or divorce is never easy. Especially if you guys have been with each other for longer than a year or more. I was with my ex for 14 months and we moved in together for 1 month or 2 then we finally realized that we were not meant to be. Therefore, we broke up about 2 months ago.

She was a very nice girl, very pretty too. A lot of guys like her. I’m sure she won’t have a hard time finding another guy to date. Considering all the qualities she has, I thought the breakup would probably destroy me. Especially thinking about how difficult I went though my last break up, it was not the best thing to experience in life. However, I’m really surprised how I reacted to this break up and dealing with it at the same time. I started wondering why I’m acting this way. I think I was able to come up with something that I’d like to share this with everyone here.

1. I have gotten priorities and Purpose!

Financial adviser is my full time job. What I always tell my clients is financial planning is about prioritizing the most important things in life because often times we’re not able to accomplish all the financial goals or needs at the same time. So selecting the ones that are the most important to you and your family and take care of them right away is the key, such as setting up your defense planning like Life Insurance and so on. Now, I can relate this to dealing relationships issues as well. I’m sure you have all heard that a man before thirty shouldn’t get married because he doesn’t know what he really wants out of a woman. Same rule applies to a woman. I truly believe it! Every time I met a girl I felt like she was the one, but 2 months into the relationship I completely changed my thoughts about her. Being said, I’m a big believer of dating as many people as possible before you turn thirty. That way you can filter out the types of guys or girls you don’t want to be with. So the day you turn thirty, if you are still not sure about what you are looking for, at least you have a better idea about what you don’t want. And trust me, this way is much better than if you find out after you married to that person that there’s no way you can live with him/her for the rest of your life.

Since now we know we can’t really settle down before thirty, we have to find something else more important to do, right? Well, how about focusing on your career? And think about the kind of people you will be dating when you become more successful. It will be different. Nothing is more important than your career or chasing after your goals in life especially before thirty! And this is my priority. To be honest with you, I just figured out what my purpose is in life. Since I have determined my purpose, everything I have been doing is around that purpose. AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS! If you explain your purpose to your boyfriend or girlfriend, and they seem to have no idea what the heck you are talking about, it’s time to move on. If she/he left you, than there’s nothing you should feel bad about. It’s simply because they are on a different road than you are, which yours is the road to success. So let’s take care of your career first and then everything else will come after that.

2. Don’t be sad, be Excited!

How many times have you broken up with someone? Probably a few times or many times for some people. And how many times have you found someone new thereafter? It doesn’t matter how long it will take you to find the that person because everyone has many soul mates in this world and eventually we all will find the one. Oh, how many times have you said to yourself or told someone, “if it weren’t for my last breakup, I wouldn’t have found the person I’m with now!” Everything happens for a reason! Even your breakup! Maybe it was just because there’s someone better that’s waiting for you! Think about who you are going to meet next! What does that person look like? How tall is that person? and how you guys will meet? You can even try to visualize the perfect match for yourself! So be excited about who you are going to meet next! Maybe she/he is the one for you! This is how you can live in the future instead of the past!

3. Learn from it!

Relationship is like a job. After you got fired from your job, what do you usually do? you try to figure out why you were fired. If you are honest to yourself, you would know the exact reason for it. and it doesn’t matter if it was your fault or not. You learn from your mistakes! That’s how you grow! You can even learn from other people’s mistakes too, which is even better because you don’t have to go through the consequences of the mistakes. you will take a little bit of something you learned into your next relationship. By the time you are thirty or older, you will be a much better match to your soul mate! Remember, don’t complain and blame others, it’s always your fault because you made that choice, so learn from it!

4. Don’t Ever Settle!

This happens when you are on the rebound. You feel so sad and mad that you feel like you absolutely have to find someone to replace your ex. I have seen that too many times among in my friends. people tend to settle for less when they are on the rebound. It’s not a bad idea to date someone, but it’s a horrible idea to get involved with someone who you don’t think you will love. Take your time to date around and see what’s out there. You will always be surprised who you are going to meet next. And remember, there’s always somebody for you!

5. Keep yourself Busy!

I understand that you would feel lonely sometimes. You were with that special someone for a long time. You guys did everything together. And all of the sudden you are alone. all by yourself and doing everything by yourself. This is when you really want to pick up the phone and dial that familiar number that you already memorized in your head or on speed dial on your cell phone. Don’t even think about it! You have to keep yourself busy. Go out with friends. Pursue your dreams. Get out of the house. Stop watching chic-flicks! Get online and chat with people. There are so many things you can do to keep yourself occupied. When you are busy at work, you tend to think about your ex a lot less. Stay focused!

6. Go out with the right mind-set

This is especially for guys in the Bay Area where ratio is not in your favor! How many times have you been rejected at the bars by girls? How do you feel getting rejected again after your breakup? What do you want to do when you get home from the bars? you call that familiar number again because you feel like you will never find someone like your ex. you want that person back so you don’t have to work for it. I’m not completely against going out to the bars. In fact, I go out pretty much every weekend. I’m just suggesting that you go out to have a good time, period. If something happens, great! If not, don’t worry about it just enjoy being out.

7. Join any and many social network or dating sites!

Now days dating and social networking have never been easier. there are millions of sites out there help you meeting new people. A lot of them are free to you like myspace.com, facebook.com, and even Reboundersworld.com. Even you have to pay $20 or $30 a month it’s still worth it. Just think about how much your bar tabs are every month and you would be able to do the math yourself. many people still consider online dating is for losers. I say to them, “Welcome to 21st century!” People are so busy these days, we don’t have the time to go out every night to look for dates. Also, think about the kind of people you are meeting at the bars if you are looking for something serious. At lest you know people are already interested meeting someone if they put their profiles online and saying I’m looking for someone to DATE! How obvious can it get?! It’s like you have an ad in the newspaper to advertise your product. People will contact you if they are interested buying without having to go door-to-door.

8. Rebound Dating!

Traditionally, people think rebound dating is such a negative thing. Why would anyone do such bad thing to hurt another person? Typically, when rebound dating turns bad is because one rebounder is dating someone that’s not on the rebound. Most times the two people are probably looking for different things at the moment. In the other words, they have different expectations out of each other. However, the benefit of rebound dating is to help you move on from your previous relationship, which is huge for someone just experienced a painful breakup. So how can we have a healthy rebound relationship? The key thing is to be honest with each other and talk about the possibility of not staying together in the near future. Make sure both of you are OK and aware of the possible outcome of this relationship. The best thing to do is if you can find someone that’s also on the rebound. That way you guys are on the same page when it comes to rebound dating or just simply hanging out helping each other move on and talk it out. Reboundersworld.com offers this kind of environment for you to find people like yourself to socialize with.

9. Find Someone who shares common interests as you do

It’s so ironic that both of my business partner and I have recently experienced a breakup while we were working on Reboundersworld.com. But because of the breakup, we have more time to work on the site and more importantly we really got to know each other on a deeper level(after 3 years of partying together). We finally realized that we have the same beliefs, views, and even purpose in life. I expect this is one of the main reasons that I have moved on quickly from my ex. Some days we found ourselves talking all day and all night without running out topics to discuss. We have talked about many different ideas about how to reach our goals from here. Remember, everything happens for a reason! This actually leads to my next argument.

10. The good things about your breakup!

This is another key point I want to emphasize. You have to have a positive attitude towards to everything not only for relationship issues but also for everything else in life. we run into so many problems in our everyday life. we get so stressed out about every little thing. sometimes we develop depressions, anxieties and so on. A bad breakup can definitely do some damages to your mind and reduce your confidence. Do not let that get to you! You have to be strong! You must convince yourself that every bad thing that has happened to you always leads or has led to something good. For example, if I was still with my ex right now, I wouldn’t have had chance to get to know my friend and becoming best friend with him. I probably wouldn’t have had a lot of time to focus on my career either. I’m excited to see more good things that’s going to happen that are the results of this breakup! It’s a problem only if you think it is!

11. Do not keep calling your ex all the time!

Leave him/her alone! It’s over! What is that you don’t understand? If you think by bugging the person will get him/her back, you are completely wrong! It will just make it worse to even stay friends with that person. You need a brake from each other. It will help you forget the person quickly especially if you keep yourself busy. If you are not planning to stay friends with your ex, erase his/her number and email and all their text messages or voice mails. Put away all their belongings and pictures.

12. All those bad things about him/her!

If you want to get over your ex quicker, don’t think about all the good things s/he had done for you. I know it’s very hard to do especially if your ex was really nice to you. However, no body is perfect. If you think hard, you will be able to think something that s/he did really bothered you, whether was his/her stinky breath or the noises s/he made when chewing the gum. I promise you, the more you think about it, the more you will appreciate to be out of that relationship.

OK rebounders, I think this is plenty to start with. Try these out and let me know how they work. I always welcome new ideas, so if you’ve gotten one please add it to the list and share with the rest of us. Let’s all help each other bounce back!