1. Becoming a good lover takes time. So does becoming a good father. Donating sperm may have been easy, but fatherhood can be a lot more rewarding. Be patient with yourself and enjoy the process.
2. Hands-on fathering is good for you, your partner and your baby. It’s not just about changing diapers. Feeding, bathing, holding and talking to your little one helps you bond together and gain essential on-the-job training.
3. Your wife will be herself again. Yes, she is probably on duty 24 hours a day with baby on the brain. No, she probably isn’t much fun right now. But life will return to normal as the three of you adjust to your new situation.
4. You are important to your wife. It may appear that the baby has eaten her brain, but she still needs you. The beautiful woman you joined up with nine or ten months ago is still in there. Hang in there and stay close.
5. You will have sex again. With your wife. Given a little time, you can resume some of your more enjoyable husbandly duties.
6. Nobody deserves postpartum mood disorders, and nobody causes them either. Don’t blame each other when the going gets tough. Know that many symptoms will pass on their own in a couple of weeks, and all are treatable.
7. Sleep helps. Your wife is probably getting a fraction of the sleep she used to. You may be on the light side as well. Helping each other get more sleep is one of the most important things you can do to help everyone feel better.
8. Trust your instincts. Different “experts”, including the guy in line at the grocery store, will tell you to handle your baby a different way. Trust yourself, your wife and your baby to tell you what you need to know.
9. Your baby needs to play with you. Here is a case where having fun is the right thing. Playing stimulates your baby’s mind and body to develop in healthy ways. You may feel more playful right now than your wife, so go for it.
10. The advent of a new baby is stressful. Even miracles create challenges. Things should get smoother with a little time. If your lives don’t get better, or if you or your wife feels worse, ask for help!
