Digital technology now makes Digital Infrared Thermal Imaging available to all. There now is a completely safe test that can aid in diagnosis, treatment and monitoring with absolutely no risk or radiation exposure.

DITI, or digital infrared thermal imaging, is a noninvasive diagnostic test that allows a health practitioner to see and measure changes in skin surface temperature. An infrared scanning camera translates infrared radiation emitted from the skin surface and records them on a color monitor. This visual image graphically maps the body temperature and is referred to as a thermogram. The spectrum of colors indicates an increase or decrease in the amount of infrared radiation being emitted from the body surface. In healthy people, there is a symmetrical skin pattern which is consistent and reproducible for any individual.

DITI is highly sensitive and can therefore be used clinically to detect disease in the vascular, muscular, neural and skeletal systems. Medical DITI has been used extensively in human medicine in the United States, Europe and Asia for the past 20 years. Until now, bulky equipment has hindered its diagnostic and economic feasibility. Now, PC-based infrared technology designed specifically for clinical application has changed all this.

Clinical uses for DITI include, defining the extent of a lesion of which a diagnosis has previously been made (for example, vascular disease); localizing an abnormal area not previously identified, so further diagnostic tests can be performed (as in Irritable Bowel Syndrome); detecting early lesions before they are clinically evident (as in breast cancer or other breast diseases); and monitoring the healing process before a patient returns to work or training (as in workman’s compensation claims).

Medical DITI is filling the gap in clinical diagnosis; X-ray, Computed Tomography, Ultrasound and Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI), are tests of anatomy or structure. DITI is unique in its capability to show physiological or functional changes and metabolic processes. It has also proven to be a very useful complementary procedure to other diagnostic procedures.

Unlike most diagnostic modalities DITI is non invasive. It is a very sensitive and reliable means of graphically mapping and displaying skin surface temperature. With DITI you can diagnosis, evaluate, monitor and document a large number of injuries and conditions, including soft tissue injuries and sensory/autonomic nerve fiber dysfunction. Medical DITI can offer considerable financial savings by avoiding the need for more expensive investigation for many patients. Medical DITI can graphically display the biased feeling of pain by accurately displaying the changes in skin surface temperature. Disease states commonly associated with pain include Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy or RSD, Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid arthritis.

Medical DITI can show a combined effect of the autonomic nervous system and the vascular system, down to capillary dysfunctions. The effects of these changes reveal an asymmetry in temperature distribution on the surface of the body. DITI is a monitor of thermal abnormalities present in a number of diseases and physical injuries. It is used as an aid for diagnosis and prognosis, as well as therapy follow up and rehabilitation monitoring, within clinical fields that include rheumatology, neurology, physiotherapy, sports medicine, oncology, pediatrics, orthopedics and many others.

Results obtained with medical DITI systems are totally objective and show excellent correlation with other diagnostic tests.

Thermographic screening is not covered by most insurance companies but is surprisingly affordable for most people. For more information or to find a certified clinic in your area, go to www.proactivehealthonline.com [http://www.proactivehealthonline.com].

Having been a dog owner for the greatest part of my life, I would advise any potential owner that dog ownership has its ups and downs.

Still, the downs (eg. too much barking or excessive poop) are not enough to deter it.

Here are a few plausible, though slightly quirky, reasons to own a dog.

1. A pet is pure eye candy.

To start, dogs are feasts for the eyes. Their absolute cuteness simply makes you go “aww”.

Cloudy, my little West Highland, just drew a laugh out of me this morning when she crawled into my cupboard and insisted that it was her den.

A dog’s whimsical ways simply pull you to it.

2. It keeps you calm.

Besides its cute appearance, a dog keeps you calm. Looking at it alone soothes jangled nerves.

Stroking a dog releases endorphins and raises poor spirits. It also relieves stress.

3. A pet makes a good pillow.

Further, provided you do not squash it with your head, a pet is an excellent pillow.

It is comfortable to at least snuggle next to it, anyway.

4. It is fun.

Pillows aside, pets are fun, They make wonderful playmates and companions.

Would a human catch a ball with his teeth?

5. It may help you out.

And then, pets may also help you. Contrary to popular belief, they do earn their keep.

Use them as doorbells, security guards or pest exterminators.

6. It keeps you secure.

To speak of being guards, dogs make great ones. A dog is a protective creature and will defend you when necessary. It keeps you secure.

7. A pet is good entertainment.

A dog is also wonderful entertainment. It is a lively creature full of hilarious antics.

My terrier, Cloudy, enjoys competing with my Schnauzer, Misty, to see comes in first in a race. I say “bye bye” and cloudy becomes anxious to move in front of Misty.

She also enjoys picking up strange objects and offering them to me.

8. It helps you make friends.

Like all other pets, dogs help the thoroughly introverted make a few friends. There is no better place to find a few than a dog park or even a veterinary clinic with a medical ambience.

9. It is not fussy.

To add, dogs are not as selective as humans. Two dogs may quarrel one day and be great friends the next.

10. It does not ask for much.

They definitely do not ask for much. Other than a little attention or a few obedience classes, you do not have to take it for ballet sessions or choir camp.

Unless your dog is Misty, who yowls when she hears the piano.

If you have not decided to get yourself a dog, what’s stopping you?

We obtain our energy from the glucose (sugar) that circulates in our bloodstream. The body uses insulin, a hormone, to control circulating levels of glucose. Too high a level of glucose is just as bad as too little glucose. Those who cannot control their blood sugar, for example diabetics, are at greater risk of cardiovascular disease, stroke, eye, kidney, skin, and nervous system complications.

Inflammation is a major contributor to diabetes. Inflammatory markers are higher in diabetics as compared to controls, indicating chronic, inflammation. Fat cells, especially those found around one’s waist, release pro-inflammatory cytokines. These biochemical messages result in inflammatory responses that can go on to destroy insulin-producing cells.

Controlling excessive inflammation, reduces the likelihood of getting chronic diseases, including diabetes. Diabetics that lower their levels of inflammation, decrease their risk of having other conditions.

The key to excellent health is having the right balance of pro-inflammatory (molecules that lead to inflammatory responses) and anti-inflammatory cytokines (molecules that dampen inflammation). We need enough inflammation to defend the body against infection and cancerous cells, but not so much that the body starts to destroy healthy tissues, such as insulin-producing cells.

Control Inflammation

Restoring immune inflammatory balance, homeostasis, may reduce diabetic symptoms, help guard against infections, and contribute to overall health by giving the body a chance to heal itself.

Get To Your Ideal Weight.

Obese individuals are at greater risk of getting diabetes. Fat cells release pro-inflammatory cytokines, messages that result in inflammation. Many diabetic symptoms are reduced, even with minimal weight loss.

Make smarter beverage and food choices.

Current suggestions about eating are, to ignore the fat content of your food, and concentrate on decreasing your total carbohydrate intake.

Limit your intake of:

• Liquid carbohydrates such as soda, fruit juices, “energy” drinks, beer.
• Fried foods.
• Starches, such as corn, white rice, chips, nachos, French fries.
• White flour products such as breads, pasta, cakes, desserts.

Fill Half Your Plate with Vegetables and Colorful Fruits.

You might wish to include some of the following as well: Brewer’s yeast, broccoli, buckwheat, liver, okra, peas, and spinach.

Become Physically Active.

Exercise, even without weight loss, helps control blood sugar levels. Muscles release anti-inflammatory molecules every time they contract. To help balance the levels of inflammation in the body, try to be physically active at least 150 minutes a week. Walk at a brisk pace. Stand, instead of sitting. Work faster when in the garden. Exercise while watching TV. Just get moving!

Vitamin D May Play A Role In Balancing Inflammatory Responses.

Vitamin D, actually a hormone-like biochemical, is involved in cell growth and immunity. Organ systems such as liver, skin, thymus, small intestines, and pancreas have cells that bind a form of vitamin D. It suppresses pro-inflammatory cytokines and increases the production of anti-inflammatory cytokines. Diabetics often do not have enough vitamin D in their bodies.

The body produces its own vitamin D when one is exposed to the sun. Moderate sun exposure, until the skin is slightly pink, during the summer months, stimulates the production of its vitamin D. In temperate climes, vitamin D supplementation may be necessary.

Omega-3 Fatty Acids.

Omega-3 fatty acids have been shown to reduce inflammation. It is recommended that individuals consume 2-3 servings of fish/week or omega-3 fish oil supplements. [Omega-3s from plant sources may not have the same benefits.] Diabetics have found these fatty acids to be are helpful, but check with your health practitioner to see if fish oil is right for you.

Moderate Coffee Consumption.

Certain compounds in coffee may help decrease inflammation, suggesting that in diabetes moderate consumption of coffee may be helpful.

Hyperimmune Egg.

Immune researchers have shown that consumption of multiple servings/day of hyperimmune egg is a natural way to help the body regain its immune homeostasis.

Lifestyle changes, rather than medication, are the best ways to regain immune balance, immune homeostasis, and control blood sugar.

Foot pain can certainly be caused by any number of reasons. However, foot pain resulting from diabetes is both painful and very common for those living with diabetes.

Diabetes and foot pain is generally defined by four different types.

A nerve problem (where the nerves themselves are affected by the disease) called peripheral neuropathy is the most common source of foot pain tied to diabetes. Peripheral neuropathy comes in the form of sensory, motor, and autonomic neuropathy.

Sensory neuropathy is the most common and is defined by symptoms where the amount of pain is much greater than the source that is causing the pain. As an example, just touching, or lightly pulling on your socks triggers a painful reaction. Also, with sensory neuropathy you may experience some numbness along with tingling, burning, or even stabbing type pain symptoms.

Because blood sugar can be a player in this type of pain, check your blood sugar levels for the past several weeks to see if perhaps there is an upward trend toward high levels.

Relief is of the utmost importance in these cases and can come from various applications. Massaging your feet or using a foot roller can sometimes drop the level of pain. Anything you can do from a shoe perspective such as cushioned supports and inserts can assist as well. Anything to help mitigate the pressure and pounding of daily activities on the foot and/or any rubbing or chaffing is beneficial. There are also prescription drugs that your doctor can recommend that will often times work.

When the nerves to the muscles become affected by diabetes (motor neuropathy), your muscles will begin to feel weak and achy. Although the smaller muscles of the feet aren’t usually the first to be affected, your balance can eventually become affected which may cause alignment problems and/or rubbing on the feet which ultimately results in pain. Support, exercise, stretching, and massage are your best weapon against motor neuropathy. Keeping your muscles healthy and flexible is a key element in relieving this type of foot pain.

Autonomic neuropathy affects the nerves that we don’t consciously control, hence the ‘auto’ of autonomic. With this condition existing your sweating triggers are altered and as such you may suffer from dry or cracked skin. For your feet this may result in a build up of foot calluses, thickened nails and such that lead to foot pain. The daily use of conditioning agents formulated specifically for diabetes can aid or prevent this problem.

With diabetic people proper circulation is a primary concern. Circulation problems in the feet can cause severe pain. Addressing circulation problems should always be done in conjunction with your medical doctor. Various approaches may include an exercise program, physical therapy, medication, or even surgical procedures, but again, consult with your physician before considering any strategy that involves addressing a circulation issue.

With diabetic people muscle and joint pain is not uncommon. If tendons and joints begin to stiffen coupled with imbalances associated with peripheral neuropathy and walking alignment occurs, the foot and the joints become painful. In fact, if the walking misalignments continue, this can lead to other foot disorders such as corns, bunions, and hammertoe.

People living with diabetes are more susceptible to infections within their body because of the changes that have taken place in their body. If a bacterial infection attacks the foot, the foot can become red, experience swelling, feel warm, and be painful. Keeping the immune system as healthy as possible by controlling your blood sugar, proper nutrition, and exercise, should be a top priority in your defense against infections.

If you are afflicted with diabetes, in addition to being mindful of the above information, work closely with your primary care physician to ensure that you receive proper information and care for your personal situation.

Sigmund Freud was a great personality who earned a good name during his life time and has made many helpful and famous discoveries that are still being used in the field of psychology to determine personality traits of people.

Sigmund Freud was born on May 6, 1856 in Freiberg in Moravia. He was a son of a wool merchant who had a great sense of humor. Sigmund was a child of his father’s second wife who was just 21 years of age when she gave birth to him.

He was brilliant as a child and did very well in his academics. After his primary education he took admission into a medical school. He involved himself in research and neurophysiology. He spent many years in an attempt to reduce personality to neurology.

He was the one who made the concept of conscious and unconscious mind popular. The conscious mind of an individual is the one that he is aware of at any time and the present memories, perceptions, feelings, thoughts, and fantasies. While working on this concept he discovered the pre-conscious mind. The pre-conscious mind comprises of the available memory. The thoughts and memories that a person is not aware off at a particular time but can be readily brought to mind. Freud discovered that these two layers of the memory of mind are the smallest parts.

The largest part of the mind is made up of unconscious memory. This part of the memory is made up of things, thoughts, memories, perceptions that a person is not aware of including things that originate in this area of mind like instincts, drives and memories associated with a traumatic situation. We may not know about the presence of such feeling and emotions but they may suddenly appear when we see something tragic or traumatic happening to someone else.

Freud also explained the concept of Id, Ego and Super Ego. All these things apply to human nervous system. The Id works with pleasure principle. It understands the demands of the mind and tries to take care of it immediately. For example, when you feel hungry, you start looking for something to eat. If you ignore such demands for a time, there comes a point when the Id demands more attention from you to satisfy it. At this time the Ego of the individual becomes active and starts searching for food to satisfy the urge.

The Ego of an organism struggles to fulfill the Id and maintains the record of resources, rewards and punishments. The records that is stored for future reference such as what trick to follow and things to avoid becomes Super Ego.

Sigmund Freud also gave some more concepts like anxiety, depression and defense mechanisms to the world of psychology. These and such other concepts that were propagated by Sigmund Freud made him popular and famous in the field of psychology.

If you ponder over the fact, even tiniest and simplest of the simple things can help you enrich your life a great deal. Meditation, inexpensive and not that time-consuming, is one of such practices which can have a great impact on you. Broadly speaking, the reason why meditation should be a part of your life is that your life in its absence is a big turmoil or mess, while its presence brings about smoothness and peace. I am listing down here a few advantages of meditation which may help you in relaxing your body and mind to a great extent.

Now-a-days, tension, stress and depression are common terminologies prevalent in a common man’s daily life and we are getting too used to them. Meditation coupled with yoga will help your body feel immensely relaxed because breathing exercises increase the level of oxygen in human body.

Meditation which is the practice of emptying your mind of thoughts and feelings proves a wonderful source for you to get rid of your worries. Your daily problems usually lead to anxiety disorders and depression; they make you hopeless and helpless. Hence, meditation is recommended because it’s a sure remedy to brighten your spirit and mood.

Studies show that the regular practice of meditation is an effective, simple and safe way to balance a person’s emotional, mental and physical state. As a result, doctors also recommend their patients to learn meditation along with their traditional medical treatments.

In addition, it can increase your immune system, which is necessary when you’re suffering from an illness. By boosting your immunity you have more power to fight off infection caused by bacteria and viruses.

Also, you can combine meditation with subliminal messages to further improve the benefits you’re going to get out of it. Messages like ‘I can do this’, ‘I am the best’ or ‘I can impress others’ can make you feel empowered and motivated to do your best in several tasks. Thus, these feelings like confidence will also help straighten out the nerves.

It really helps you to grow and get in touch with who you are, why you are here and what the purpose of this life is. Meditation teaches you how to live your life fully, in present and by drinking every ounce of energy surrounding you.

Some of the changes that you will observe are that you will stay fresh for a long period of time, while others need more sleep to work for long period of time and also you will start experiencing joy, aesthetic richness and incredibly great amount of peace around you.

Therefore, if you really want to see all this happening in your life, you should develop a habit of meditating for some time daily, and then stick to this practice. Bear in mind, positive attitude towards your life will make your life wonderful. And this positive attitude can only be achieved, if you ignore all negative emotions around you and thank your GOD for everything He has bestowed on you. So, try to create an attitude of gratitude to make your everyday “the best day”.

Binary options trading is not a machine for producing money; you have to be tactful while dealing with this nature of trade. There are very simple rules and regulations in order to conduct smart and productive trading. However, it is essential for the binary options trader to know the best possible ways that bring positive success. The traders have the idea about how to perform binary options trading, but there are some novice traders lacking experience, who are not sure how to successfully trade at the binary options platform. There are certain secret tips that must be known to such traders so that they can follow them wisely and make the best out of them. Some of the secret tips are described below.

Try To Be Calm

The key to success for binary options trading is in the calmness of the trader. This tip is not something very secretive as many traders know it well, but it is as difficult to practice it as simple it sounds. The panic free condition is the best formula for the traders in order to earn the huge profit returns. If a person adopts a calm temperament, then his concentration level automatically increases, which is necessarily required while trading binary options. When you invest the money, it is natural to get worried and nervous when the prediction comes out to be wrong. A trader must have a sustained and controlled approach towards certain circumstances and must behave calmly so that he can take better decisions.

Trade with Excess Money

Binary options trading should be done with the excess money that you have. This comes under the category of trading wisely without spending much money than available. There are some binary options traders, who don’t care about the investment at first place, but when the result shows devastating signs regarding their investment, then the panic and nervousness appears. This is the main default on the part of the trader. Only invest amount which is in excess of the income that will ultimately make you feel relaxed and satisfied even if you lose the game. This is the real secret tip for binary trader to invest the excess funds and if there is none availability, then don’t take the risk that brings dire consequences.

Make the Highest Return

Highest return on your binary trade is the sole indication of strikingly successful trade. This is possible in many ways. The first and foremost secret to make your binary trade a big success is the experience that you might achieve after spending some time in the same field. The next option to make the most money out of a trade even in case of a loss is by choosing the right broker that offers the high percentage of return in both cases i.e. success and loss.

According to experts autism can be linked with different types of food allergies & sensitivities.

Experts provide adept treatment for autism via prescribing special diet to the child. Three most popular diet & vitamin interventions for autism include the following:

o The casein & gluten free diet

o Vitamin B-12, A, D and C supplements.

o Cod liver oil.

The real cause of autism is unknown. Hence, any treatment linked to diet for autism should be confirmed with a professional first.

a) The Casein & Gluten – Free Diet

Casein & Gluten are commonly found in dairy, barley, oat, rye & wheat products. Experts suggest this diet because autistic people are unable to digest these proteins. When taken, these proteins hang around in the body just to activate neurotransmitter receptors inside the brain just as opiate drugs would do. Elimination of foods containing casein & gluten from diet will definitely reduce the cause of autism. However, such a diet is very restrictive & extremely challenging to follow. One is not allowed to eat bread or dairy products.

b) Vitamins & Supplements

Autism can also be treated via providing vitamins & supplements. Vitamins B complex is the most commonly used vitamin as it helps central nervous system to create enzymes & assists in functioning. The vitamin also works towards maintaining the nervous system. This vitamin has also proved to improve eye contact, behavior & attention for some people with autism. Vitamin C is also related to brain functioning. Certain reports have found that vitamin C supplements improve autism symptoms. Children taking vitamin C supplements are known to experience improvement in behavior, communication attempts & eye contact.

c) Cod liver oil

These contain high levels of vitamins A and D. These vitamins are known to improve eye contact and behavior in certain autistic cases. Fish oils have also been connected to improve brain functioning.

There are other autism diet recommendation where cutting down on yeast & sugars is suggested. One is asked to consume a good number of fresh fruits & vegetables.

Diet rich in amino acids, calcium, magnesium & zinc are also prescribed to the child. Most of these supplements are available in chewable form with a high dose of sugar. Experts also suggest enzymes supplements to help overcoming symptoms of autism.

Berries are supposed to be extremely nutritious & rich in antioxidants. You can give your child a high dose of blueberries, raspberries & strawberries. Try to include more servings of vegetables in their diet. Go or vegetables such as sweet red pepper, carrot & broccoli. You need to understand that kids are kids & they have their individual task irrespective of whether they have autism or not.

You should keep in mind their love for specific food type & try not to be too strict with them.

It is important to fix up a diet for your child with autism. However, it is important to contact a health care professional prior to going for any sort of dietary change. This will give you an idea of what’s good for your child & what’s not.

There are always two distinct roles at play when speaking. The audience has a passive role and the speaker has an active one. This is an essential dynamic. Audience and speaker communicate well with each other to the degree that they both understand and respect this dynamic. They are not to be confused or interchanged.

1-Self-consciousness has to do with not trusting how we feel and consequently not taking charge of how we feel. It can be devastating. Self-consciousness has to do with tension, which stems from not being in action about our purpose or not giving direction and power to our intentions. I get nervous when my eye is off the ball.

Creating a sense of space and place is also the speaker’s responsibility. Making visual and tactual contact with room, distances, volumes, shapes, light, objects, furniture, ourselves, others…etc. It anchors our focus in the physical world, which has the grounding effect we desire.

2-Presentations, scores of actions, and everything in a public performance must possess a forward and revealing quality. Speakers must reveal not hide. Any attempt to hide disrupts and ultimately breaks down communication.

3-Always make sure your energy is free to operate in the direction of your choices. In other words provide more energy than you think you need. Choice and actions is where we discharge our energy. The more clear the choice the easier it becomes to commit. The more the two will interact and feed each other, the better the chances to succeed.

4-Beware of apology, self-pity, journalizing, dramatizing, mocking, demeaning, and explaining as visible means of communication. It usually spells dis-aster. The same goes for any form of making wrong onto the audience. The same applies to overt or covert anger. These are traps and/or very poor choices. Sometimes a speaker simply does not realize that his or her performance contains these forms of expression. He or she should become aware of the devastating affect it has on an audience. The only exceptions naturally are when the speaker who apologizes, explains or views himself as a victim or comments on his behavior as a way to illustrate, entertain or make a point.

5-A speaker always dominates or controls the scene or stage and the audience. He or she does so through skill, actions, technique (which is the execution of actions) and his/her ability to believe in what he or she is doing. A speaker-audience relationship is a dynamic, which has to be understood and respected well to avoid problems. It is the speaker who is in control and commands attention, not the other way around.

6-Avoid catering to an audience, or try to draw them in artificially. They will turn their backs on you. Be watchful of moods or attitudes. You may wish for your speech to feel good and that’s legitimate; try to accomplish that through genuine actions not an attitude. An attitude is always the result of something. It is a second rate choice unless we intended the attitude as entertainment. If you play the mood it will spell backward: DOOM.

7-When a speaker makes a mistake he or she mustn’t draw attention to it. Simply move on. When a speaker gets tense, shy, uncomfortable, anxious and so on, he or she must simply hide it by:

• Committing to his or her actions
• Doing nothing.

If we get tense or nervous it’s not the audience’s fault. There are effective ways to remedy it quickly and without being noticed.

Introduction

Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it’s a blind date or someone you’re already acquainted with, the first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal moment approaches, thoughts can become centered on such questions as: “Will he like me?” “Will I like him?” “Is he going to be The One?” “What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?” “What will I talk about? What if I run out of things to say?”

Everyone’s experience is different, but the one common denominator that most daters would testify to is that it can be difficult to navigate through the waters of man-to-man dating. Although it’s changing, we gay men have few role models to emulate when it comes to love and romance. There’s no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no rules, no structure, and no guidance. How do two men join together in the “courtship dance?” While a lack of rules for gay dating can be a positive thing, lending to more creativity, spontaneity, and individuality, it can also create anxiety and a sense of “cluelessness” in how to meet and date successfully–kind of like a car without a driver.

This article will offer some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s occurrence. While these are by no means “rules”, these ideas can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. Pick and choose the ones that seem right for you and create your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.

Before the Date

·When setting a time and place for your date, be sure to make it a short meeting (1-2 hours) for the first time and select a place that is either activity-oriented or allows for lots of opportunity to talk. Avoid movies and instead opt for a short get-together at a coffee shop or at the zoo. Making it brief takes a lot of the pressure off, especially if you find the two of you aren’t compatible, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. You can always extend the date if you’re getting along famously.

·Take the emphasis off of it being a date and instead view it as a chance to meet a potential new friend. This can help “take the edge off” and allow you to relax without focusing on the outcome of the date. Avoid placing too many hopes and expectations on the encounter; let it evolve naturally and if a spark ignites during your time together, then that’s an added bonus!

·If you’re particularly nervous, take some time to do some relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get centered. If you’re worried about what to talk about, generate a list of possible ideas beforehand and role-play with a friend to build confidence. But don’t rely too much on this or you’ll appear stiff and rehearsed. Be cool and be yourself. This isn’t about performance.

·Dress comfortably and in clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Make sure you and your date are on the same page about the style of dress for your date. In my own dating days, I showed up for a second date in a nice oxford shirt and jeans to then find my other half dressed to the nines in a French suit not realizing his intentions for the evening. It made for a very embarrassing moment and he cancelled the reservations he’d made for us for dinner at a ritzy, fine-dining establishment. He then changed into more casual clothes and took me to a family restaurant instead. Ouch! His image of me instantly changed and he stopped seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by ending things, but at the time it was quite humiliating. So be clear to avoid any miscommunication.

During the Date

·Be punctual and relax. No matter how attracted you may be to the man sitting across from you, it is your responsibility to be yourself–avoid trying to put up a façade and be someone you’re not to try to impress your date. You are great just as you are. Let him get to know the real you; otherwise, you’re engaging in a form of deception that will only come back to bite you later. Be authentic and eventually you’ll be rewarded with a truly compatible partner.

·Be attentive to your date. Show respect by maintaining good eye contact and don’t let those eyes stray if there are other attractive men in the room. Have an open posture and let your nonverbal communication and body language convey interest in learning about your date. Stay out of your own head and shut off those distracting thoughts; really listen to what he’s saying. Balance active listening with sharing things about yourself. Ask open-ended questions to gain more elaboration on points made in your discussion to stretch out conversations and learn more about your date. This is especially effective if you’re feeling shy or are short on things to say because it gets the other person talking more, allowing for more tidbits that you can start other dialogues about. Be positive and let your sense of humor shine through.

·Avoid controversial topics of discussion as these may be offensive to your date. You can ease into these the more you get to know him. Avoid alcohol, as this may alter your behavior, and stay away from sexual content and innuendo. Unless sex is the motivation for your date, introducing sexual talk into your first date can set the tone in an inappropriate direction. Discussions about sex and sexual preferences can come later after you’ve been able to establish more of a genuine, mature connection. Questions like “Are you a top or a bottom?” may appear crass at a first meeting and may cause an unfavorable impression of you to form in your date’s mind and image of you.

After the Date

·Whether your date was a smash hit or a disaster, exercise good manners and thank your new acquaintance for the date. If you’d like to see him again, state this and call him in a day or so to ask him out again. Don’t get caught up in the whole dating game of “How many days should I hold off to call him to avoid looking desperate?” or “I’m going to let him be the one to call me.” If you like him, take charge of your life and make that call. If you didn’t feel a “love connection” with the guy, thank him for the date and kindly and tactfully tell him that it’s not a match. While this may be extremely difficult, it’s always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite way. If you’d like to try to develop a friendship instead, suggest that. But be honest and direct and don’t tell him you’ll call him again if you really have no intention of doing so. That’s cruel.

·Do some de-briefing after your date and reflect on your conduct, as well as your date’s, and perhaps journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you have changed? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as a result of this date? How would you rate the date and the guy you met? From what you can tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up thus far with your needs, wants, goals, and values?

Conclusion

Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What traditions and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do?

The key is to have fun with dating and take a light approach. Dating is both an art and a science in my belief, combining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one wants and needs for a happy and fulfilling lifestyle. When your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship, you’ll be living with integrity and will be able to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor. It will make the process much more easy-going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!

©2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

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