The broken pieces of my heart came out with my tears as I thought of you…Bonnie Hutchins

This article was inspired by my daughter Bonnie, whose idea it was for me to write about sibling grief. Instead I decided to interview her and here I share her heartfelt and inspiring responses to what it means for her to lose a brother. She describes herself as one of the forgotten bereaved.

Bonnie, can you tell me briefly the circumstances surrounding the loss of your brother?

I got a phone call early on a Saturday morning telling me Stuart had been in a car accident. My first reaction was to worry but I remember thinking, “At worst he will have broken his leg”.

I met family at the hospital and saw Stuart, I knew in that moment he would die. From then on I concentrated all my energy on looking after Stuart and doing what was best for him. 5 days later we turned off his life support.

How did that loss impact on your life?

It changed a lot in how I viewed things. I found it much harder to be sympathetic or understanding to what I felt as being trivial worries. Compared to losing Stuart, everyone else’s problems felt trivial. In time I have become more understanding of grief, people’s own pain at loss and how I deal with certain problems. Before Stuart died I was not confident in my abilities to be a strong and confident person. In losing him I realized if I can deal with that, I can deal with anything.

What did you find most helpful or comforting to you during that early time of grief?

For me, I concentrated on other things. I had a young daughter so struggled to deal with my grief. Instead I found life motoring on without really allowing myself to grieve. I found practical things helped most. Keeping and putting up lots of photos of him, talking with friends and I even ordered his medical records to look over. This would not help everyone, but it helped me to know my decision to fight for Stuart’s life support being turned off was the right one. It was. Even now, 4 years later, I know deep down that how I have grieved was not the most productive, and I often feel the need to grieve. The time will come, for now I feel content that I grieved how I could, and best I could at the time.

What did you find least helpful or caused you additional worry or distress?

After a time, certain things added to my sadness. Milestones, seeing others little brothers grow up and even simple TV shows I couldn’t watch. They are all things I have learnt to adjust to. A lot of how I grieve is in private so sometimes I felt bombarded with it all. People asking how I was? Or in fact, forgetting me altogether and just asking how mum and dad were. As a sibling, you do sometimes get forgotten in it all.

Was there one aspect of grieving you found particularly difficult?

I had a lot of guilt. As a sibling, quite often the love is unspoken. I felt tremendous guilt about how I had treated my younger brother. I teased him growing up and I felt so guilty about it. Also guilty that I didn’t call him enough see him enough or support him enough. All of which I see now as completely normal. When a sibling dies you automatically feel you didn’t see them enough, or speak to them enough or perhaps you treated them badly. You didn’t. You just had a normal sibling relationship, only now, you have been cursed with hindsight. That’s another reason why I tell my loved ones I love them almost whenever I think it. I don’t want the feeling of “should have” again.

Grieving is acceptance. A lot of that is accepting the sibling relationship you had for what it was and knowing you loved them and even if it was unspoken, they loved you too. Once I truly accepted that our relationship was what it was and we did our best at the time, and once I accepted Stuart knew I loved him (which all siblings I feel have a knowing of) I was on the road to being content again.

Do you feel the loss of your brother has changed you or how you view life, if so in what way?

Yes, very much so. I look at losing my brother and its accompanying grief as sort of a disease, like diabetes. You can treat it, but it’s not curable. Grief and the loss are always with you, but you find ways to “treat” it. Losing my brother is a big part of who I am and how I got where I am. I love the people I love more, and make sure to tell them more. I appreciate the simple joys in life, whereas before he died, I know I took them for granted. I have a deep understanding of my own strength now, and the strength of our family. To go through the loss of someone so special changes you, and for a family to come through and survive loss, makes them closer. It did for us anyway.

What do you think has helped you most in your grief overall?

Support and Understanding – I remember feeling sorry for my friends and extended family because they simply had no idea how to help or what to say. Then there were the people who didn’t say anything. If I cried, they just hugged me. If I needed to talk they just listened. A grieving person doesn’t need much, just to know they are not alone. I got a lot of that and it helped the most.

I also found my own way to honor him. I got his name tattooed on my wrist, have a special Xmas ornament to bring out every year, so he is with us. And I make sure my daughters know of him and recognize his continued importance in my life, and theirs.

What would you say to someone else who is dealing with the loss of a brother or sister?

Grieve how you can. If you don’t feel ready to cry but want to scream, that’s ok.

Talk to your other sibling if you have one. They understand.

Don’t be forgotten. If you need help or need a hug, you still have your parents and you are still their child. Tell them.

Do special things. Write down your favourite memories. Put up photos. Plant a tree. Get a memorial tattoo. Whatever makes you feel they are close to you…they are.

The Bible teaches us that those who believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ are adopted into the family of God. This means that those who are Born Again into God’s family are our Brothers and Sisters in the Lord.

We are to love them and serve them. We should want to be around our Brothers and Sisters in Christ all the time. Right?

We should, yes! But, in our flesh does it always work out that way? No!

I will be very honest with you. There are some professing Christians I do not like or desire to be around. I have found that some professing Christians can be arrogant, unkind, unloving, legalistic, judgemental, boastful, and self-righteous.

They make me angry!!

Why would I want to spend time with them?

It has been a struggle in my life.

This is where God’s grace has helped me be less angry and more forgiving to other brothers and sisters in the Lord. The Holy Spirit works within me causing me to love, forgive, and show mercy to those professing Christians who hurt me. Without the Holy Spirit working within me as an act of grace, I could not do it (Philippians 2 vs. 13).

It was self-righteous hypocrites who nailed Jesus to the cross.

As Christians we must continually guard our hearts against self-righteousness and pride. There is nothing God hates more than personal pride.

Allowing anger to fester in us is sin. The Apostle Paul warns us not to get involved in foolish arguments with others.

What should I do when another Christian hurts me or angers me? Take it to the Lord and trust him to deal with them and help me forgive. We can’t change anyone, only God can change people.

With this said, we must abide by scripture when it teaches us that if we have a problem with a brother we must, (Matthew 18 vs. 15-17) “go and tell him their fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as an unbeliever.”

Let us obey scripture and not let anger fester in us.

God bless you!

No greater sin can be conceived of than sexual association with one own close relatives. A sexual activity between close kin related by blood, by adaptation and by marriage is considered to be legal, social and religious taboo. Unless a man is utterly shameless and completely depraved of all the feelings of conscience, he cannot of guilty of such a heinous crime. Adultery or incest in any form is the consequence of abnormal mental filth.

Factors Responsible for Incest relations

· Moon: significator of mother, mental tendencies

· Sun: significator of father, intrinsic qualities

· Jupiter: husband, grandparents, children, father like figures,

· Venus: wife, semen, bed pleasures

· Mars: brothers/sisters in laws and courage for sexual pleasure, biological instincts

· Rahu [dragon head]: related to maternal uncle, denotes sexual hunger

· Ketu [dragon tail]: related to father, innate unconscious tendencies, secret relationships, unnatural sexual tendencies, and sexual dissatisfaction.

· Ascendant: nature and general aptitude

· 2nd hose: close relatives, family

· 3rd/11th houses: younger/elder brothers and sisters

· 4th house: mother, mind

· 6th house: maternal relatives, and keep

· 7th house: spouse, sex, sexual relation and married life

· 9th house: father, grandchildren’s

Different Combinations for Incest Relations

· The Moon or Venus joins a quadrant, in conjunction or aspect by a malefic, and an evil planet should occupy the 4th house. The person will be guilty of committing adultery with own mother or mother like figures like step mother, preceptor’s wife, ruler’s wife, brother’s wife, mother of the wife.

· If the lord of 7th and Venus are in conjunction in the 4th house and are aspect or associated with malefic.The person will be guilty of adultery with his own sisters.

· Venus, Saturn and Mars join the Moon in 7th house. Both the husband and wife will be guilty of adultery. The Moon – Saturn association denotes mental depression, and sexual urge denoted by Mars-Venus association the deliberate hunters for opportunities crosses all the barriers of social and religious norms and commit incest. Relation with the wife of the younger brother, the children of the maternal uncle is indicated

· If Sun in 9th hose and 9th hose lord are in debilitation/inimical/eclipsed/ the incest with father or preceptor is indicated

· Moon with a malefic in 9th the native will meet his teacher’s wife or the spouse of the younger brother of the wife

· Rahu/mercury in 6th house badly afflicted denotes relation with maternal uncle, and having a secret relationship.

Johnson Brothers never fail to impress us. It has the look of porcelain yet it has the durability of ironstone-that feature is what makes John Brothers salable not just for those porcelain and earthenware collectors but for those who uses this brand for everyday usage. To expand your Sheraton collections, here are the five best collectible items from this design.

Cups and Saucers

These might sound like ordinary breakfast cups and saucers but with Sheraton, this makes an ordinary breakfast classy. There are two styles of cups and saucers from this collection. For a more distinct and unique collection, look for those cups which has the Sheraton pattern both in the inside and outside of the cup.

Square Salad Plates

What makes this collection really nice is the rarity of the design. This salad plate is in square shape. If you are looking for a more classic collection, look for those Sheraton Salad plates that are manufactured during the late ages. How will you know? Look at the back of the platter and see if the stamp says made in England by “Johnson Brothers” than the recent collections which only says “John Brothers”.

Lugged Cereal/Soup Bowls

The common bowls that you see in the market are those round shaped bowls without handles. Look for the lugged Johnson Brothers Sheraton Bowls for a more unique collection. They make handling hot soups more convenient than the ordinary soup bowl. You can use them as serving bowls as well.

Square Soup Bowl

Aside from the lugged bowls, Sheraton also offers another variety of bowls which is shaped as square. Do not worry about matching this bowl with plates because this Johnson Brothers collection also offers plates in squares.

Round Cover Vegetable Bowl

This looks like the lugged bowls except that it has a trimmed edge for the cover; this is perfect for serving vegetables and other viands. Serve your vegetables in a different manner with this decorative bowls with cover.

These are the five best and rare collectible pieces from Johnson Brothers Sheraton collection. They are not just finely made earthenware but they are very nice and decorative to look at. Have fun!

I attended my brother Doug’s funeral on February 4, 2009 in Ohio. He was given a rifle salute. I had never paid much attention to the honor guard and what they did in the past. But at my brother’s funeral I focused on every little detail because this ceremony was significant.

Seven men stood in a row, the commander of the guard called roll: “Sgt. Baxter.”

Sgt. Baxter replied, “Here sir.”

“Gunners Mate, Morris,” Morris replied, “Here sir.”

“Private Zimmerman,” He responded, “Here sir.”

“Airman Jones.” “Here sir.”

“Corporal Myers.” “Here sir.”

The commander called for, “Private Martin,” “Here sir.”

Then the commander called, “Seaman Jackson,” There was no reply. “Seaman Jackson.” Still, no reply. “Seaman Douglas Jackson,” Again there was no answer.

One of the guard members called to the commander, “Seaman Douglas Jackson is not here sir.”

The seven men raised their rifles and shot rapidly three times each in honor of the fallen seaman, my brother, Seaman Douglas Jackson. Then a bugler played taps. The anxiety of not hearing my brother reply, “Here sir,” was strong. The emotional tension was high as mourners sobbed and embraced each other. Faces that previously had not shown any grief at the funeral now contorted with pain and streamed tears.

Two members of the guard stepped forward and took the American flag from my brother’s coffin. They folded the flag neatly then turned and knelt down to our mother and said, “Another veteran, Seaman Douglas Jackson, has been called to a higher command. On behave of a grateful nation, I present you with a flag of our country.” He then rose and gave our mother a slow deliberate salute.

As I sat there taking it all in, I noticed the guard members were in their late 60’s and 70’s.

When I returned home to Arcadia, Florida, I inquired with the commander of the DeSoto County Veteran’s Honor Guard as to why the honor guard was predominately older men.

He explained that there are fewer and fewer military people joining service organizations such as the VFW, American Legion, Am Vets, DAV, etc., which help to supply members for the honor guard. One reason for that is that people are still working and busy with their careers, and not always able to attend daytime funerals. Ninety percent of the honor guard members are retirees.

The commander also stated that the local American Legion, which had 250 members after World War II, is down to 125 members, with only a few who regularly attend meetings.

As of this writing, the DeSoto County Veterans Honor Guard has performed at more than 300 funerals since 1992. They also perform in parades, school and civic functions.

Honor guards nationwide are always looking for volunteers to fill the ranks. You don’t have to be a member of one of the service organizations to join. You need only prior service in the armed forces. They will provide the training and the uniforms.

It is a wonderful service that they provide. I will always remember how special it made my brother’s funeral. Let us always strive to remember our fallen, They are the reason that we are free.

Last fall my little brother, who has been battling cancer was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. His caregiver called the family to tell us he had only a few days to live. My 83-year-old Aunt had been helping support him during his illness was not able to travel to see him. My other brother also had health issues and could not make the trip. I am 63 and was laid off a couple years ago. Finding a high paying job when you are over 60 is difficult. I drive Uber to make ends meet so my budget is very limited. He is my brother so I made an emergency trip to Ohio to see him one last time and represent the family. He lingered for a while and passed away on November 10, 2020.

My sister-in-law called in January. She wanted to have a birthday party for my Aunt who would be turning 84 on May 1. Even though I hadn’t paid off my trip to see my brother, I agreed to fly back to Ohio for her party. At 83, we don’t know how much longer she’ll be with us. Life is very uncertain during a pandemic and she’s in a very high-risk group. The gathering would give us a chance to celebrate her life and grieve my brother.

I purchase a ticket on Frontier Airlines on January 11, 2020.

I had hoped to only stay 1 day for the party but had to book for 3 days to get the less expensive ticket. I wouldn’t be able to drive for Uber on those days. I would take a big hit on my income that week. My income loss coupled with the cost of the trip would be over $1000, but family is important. It would be good to see them again.

Reports started coming in from China regarding the Corona virus. They had locked down 500 million people, more than the entire population of the United States. On January 31, President Trump blocked travel from China. The news got progressively worse and I started worrying about traveling in an airplane with a highly communicable disease ravaging the country.

On February 27, Frontier alerted me that they were cancelling my original booking presumably because they didn’t have enough passengers to make the flight. They wanted to reschedule my flights. I called to tell them I didn’t want to make the change. I wanted to wait and see if I could schedule a shorter trip so I wouldn’t lose 3 days of work. Frontier said they would issue a voucher good for 90 days so I could reschedule later.

The first US citizen died of Corona Virus on February 29. The infection was spreading rapidly. I thought it would be prudent to wait to reschedule. On March 17, the California Governor announced a stay-at-home order. Other states across the country quickly announced their own stay at home orders. Frontier eventually stopped flying completely during the month of April. I could not reschedule my flight even if I wanted to.

On April 3, the Department of Transportation ruled that airlines must refund customers if their flights were cancelled. Many airlines were not complying so the DOT issued another warning on May 12, 2020. This was unprecedented.

I have not worked since March 17. The government has said gig workers like me would be able to get $600/week but that has not happened. I have had no income except the $1200 stimulus check for 3 months. I contacted Frontier and asked them to refund my $336. They haven’t provided any services nor could they because they weren’t flying when my flight was scheduled.

Frontier has refused. Not only won’t they give me my money back, I only have until June 2 to schedule a flight with them or I lose my money. They will get to keep $336 for doing nothing at all.

Is Frontier profiting from the pandemic? I would have definitely taken the trip if there wasn’t a highly infectious pandemic. They were shut down in April, it was impossible for me to even use their services if I wanted to. I feel I should be entitled to a refund. Their representative, Lulu Zaldivar tells me they will not refund my money. They claim that even though they cancelled my original flight and tried to reschedule, it was me who cancelled the flight and am not eligible for a refund under the Department of Transportations order.

Do you think this is fair?

Frontier Airlines at (801) 401-9000

About the author: David Berger is a 63 year old Uber driver. He lives in San Diego California and hasn’t had an income since the California stay-at-home order on March 17

In 1915 Martha Wittnauer became Chairman of the Wittnauer Watch Corporation, making her one of the first senior female corporate executives in this country. She rose to the position, which she conducted with great skill, after her brothers, who had various leadership positions in the company, each died early. By all accounts she was a skilled strategic leader, and directed the company to occupy a kind of niche: the Wittnauer watch would be fundamentally a navigational watch, used in explorations and great quests, thus establishing the brand as highly accurate and resilient.

In her Lockheed Vega-5B, Amelia Earhart used Wittnauer timepieces, and reclusive but wealthy Howard Hughes, flying his H-1 racer, “Winged Bullet,” made the record-setting flight from Burbank, CA to Newark, NJ with Wittnauer instruments aboard.

The Wittnauer All-Proof (the first ever water-shock-proof, anti-magnetic watch) was prominently used in World War II. As a show of its durability it was once dropped from the Empire State Building.

A Swiss watch company, headquartered in New York, Wittnauer was truly a family affair, at least up through the Great Depression. In 1872, only 7 years removed from the Civil War, Albert Wittnauer locates to New York from Switzerland and is invited into the watch-making business by his brother-in-law, J. Eugene Robert. Two years later, second brother Louis decamps from Switzerland to join his brother Albert in J. Eugene’s business.

In 1885, Albert takes over the company from his brother-in-law. Three years later the last of the Wittnauer brothers, 23-year old Emile, arrives in New York to work for the watch company. It is when Emile dies, in 1915, that Martha retains control of the company.

The company operated successfully-NBC used Wittnauer in the late 1920s as the official timing device for radio broadcasts-until the Depression. Like numerous other businesses, the watch maker struggled in the 1930s and eventually, of necessity, Martha sold the company to a national jewelry manufacturer. Through a series of mergers and purchases, Wittnauer today is Bulova-owned.

Over the course of Wittnauer’s history, the eponymous watch has taken its lumps in the marketplace, and has not always been on the cutting edge of innovation. But, then, neither has it been inert.

In the 1940s, particularly, Wittnauer flourishes. It is widely used by the military, so much so that part of its identity is as a military timepiece. This was no accident, and the advertising and good will it received from its military association helped it immensely. In 1948 CBS airs 30-minute radio programs featuring the Wittnauer Choraliers.

Today Wittnauer occupies, generally, a price range of $500.00 to $1,200.00. As a result it can be thought of as veering toward “high end,” while remaining well within financial reason for many serious and casual collectors. While it may be argued that Wittnauer has not made significant stylistic advancements in the last 20 odd years, there can be no doubt that various models of the watch are aesthetically pleasing and of course retain the durability and reliability resident in the watch since its inception.

Key models include the Warwick, Barrymore, and the Montserrat.

We wanted to see if the lifestyle of a lighthouse innkeeper might be in our future. We arranged for a visit to East Brother Island and its popular light-station located just 30 minutes from San Francisco. Join us, this just might be your cup of tea.

Where are we

East Brother Island is in San Pablo Bay, which connects to San Francisco Bay.

East Brother Light Station is managed by a Richmond nonprofit preservationist group, which in 1980 obtained permission from the Coast Guard to renovate and maintain the active light station.

The organization has many volunteers to help with the constant maintenance, and pays most of the bills by renting out the island’s five bedrooms, four days per week.

Getting to the island

After a series of email communications, we arranged to meet and interview the lighthouse innkeeper couple on East Brother Island.

On Monday morning, we were waiting at the less than luxurious Point San Pablo Yacht Harbor when our Captain/innkeeper pulled up to the dock in the island’s aluminum tender.

Before we could board the boat, the Captain first assisted the guests that were leaving the island. The visitors must have enjoyed their island experience because they were all laughing and carrying on as if they were old friends.

After introductions, our host started the engines and headed out of the harbor for a short 10-minute ride to the island.

He immediately gave us a briefing about what to expect when we arrived dockside. He described how we would be required to climb a very vertical stainless steel pool type ladder that extends from the boat deck to the landing pier that is joined to the island. Depending on the tide, the climb can be as much as 12 feet. Think about that before you make reservations if you are not physically able to climb a ladder. Also, the island is unfortunately not able to be ADA compliant.

Buildings and facilities on the island

The one-acre island has two vintage buildings in addition to an 1874 Victorian Lighthouse. The old work shed has been converted into a cozy innkeepers’ cottage, and the other out-building houses the machinery necessary to power the working foghorns.

The island has electric power supplied by an underwater cable from the mainland, and a self-contained water system that holds about 90,000 gallons of rainwater stored in a white-clad underground cistern and an above-ground redwood water tank.

Because of the ever-present danger of water shortages in the Bay Area, there are no showers available for guests staying only one night. No one seemed to mind the inconvenience.

After gathering our photo equipment and walking up the steep ramp between the pier and the island, the Captain gave us a tour of the first building we encountered, which houses the machinery to operate the foghorns. For our benefit, he cranked up the diesel generator and gave us a live performance of the horns.

Becoming an Island Innkeeper

We soon found that our hosts had only been lighthouse keepers for ten weeks, and as of this writing they have already moved on to their next adventure. Lighthouse keeping is fun, but demanding work, and the turnover is quite high, but that’s apparently not a big problem for the stakeholders.

How many folks would love to run a Victorian Bed and Breakfast on a small island in California complete with a good salary, room and board, seals, pelicans, and a five-star view of the San Francisco skyline? Lots, that’s how many.

We are told that the number of applicants for the job is usually large, but there are serious knockout factors in the innkeeper application.

One of the applicants must be an excellent cook and capable of preparing and presenting food for a table of ten.

Another qualification is that one of the applicants must have a Coast Guard commercial boat operator’s license.

Lastly, both of the prospective innkeepers must be charming. Now we are getting somewhere.

About the work

In the case of East Brother Light Station, the island is open for business four nights per week starting on Thursday.

Prepping for the guests

On Wednesday morning, the innkeepers are on land shopping for provisions for up to 40 guests (5 rooms x 2 guests x 4 nights). They select the food for the menu, pick up the mail, laundry, fuel, and anything else they will need for the coming week on the island.

On Thursday morning, they boat back to the island with the supplies, unload their cargo into a large wire cart waiting on the pier, and winch the cart up a steep ramp that connects the pier with the island. They unload and store the supplies, and get the island ready for visitors.

A day with guests

On Thursday afternoon promptly at 4pm, the designated Captain/innkeeper returns to the marina dock at Point San Pablo Yacht Harbor to board the guests for Thursday night.

Upon arrival back at the island, the hosts provide a tour, hors d’oeuvres with champagne, and show the guests to their rooms.

The visitors then have ample time to explore the small island and enjoy the sea birds, animals, and fabulous views before dinner.

At dinner, the visitors are served an exquisitely prepared multi-course meal of the finest fresh ingredients.

All the guests are seated at one large table, which makes for a convivial atmosphere and an opportunity to socialize.

Friday morning would come all too soon, but a sumptuous gourmet breakfast would await all guests. Pity those one-night guests who must now head back to the mainland to resume their everyday lives.

After transferring the guests and their baggage to the mainland dock, the captain returns to the island to help his partner clean and prepare for new guests on Friday afternoon.

Saturday and Sunday are a repeat of Thursday and Friday.

After bidding farewell to the last guests for the week on Monday morning, the innkeeper heads back to the island and the chores that couldn’t be completed during the workweek.

Later in the day, the innkeepers load the laundry along with the empty bottles and trash into the island wire cart. The cart is pulled to the opposite end of the island and hooked and lowered by winch down to the island’s waiting boat. The innkeepers depart for the harbor, unload the cargo, and start a well-deserved Tuesday day of rest.

It’s not for everybody

East Brother Light Station innkeepers live a romantic life full of guest kudos, fresh air, sunshine, seabirds, and seals. There are probably several of our readers that would trade places if they could. Life is short, you might want to give it a try! However, we decided not.

Happy travels!

A lot of people die because of kitchen bacteria and poor handling. You do not know what microorganisms and bacteria are roaming around your kitchen. To make sure that you are eating healthy, the following information will help you in handling and preparing your food to avoid contamination.

1. Keep your Johnson Brothers Ironstone tableware in safe and closed cupboards.

2. Do not defrost your food in room temperature. Thawing at room temperature takes a lot of time and you do not know what microorganisms have gone into your food. You could either place your food in a plate, or place it in the refrigerator or use the oven.

3. Always wash your hands with soap and water before and after handling and preparing your food.

4. Always marinate your food inside the refrigerator. Use a fridge safe plate like Johnson Brothers Ironstone to marinate.

5. Serve your food in clean tableware. Make sure that you have washed your plates properly with a clean sponge.

6. If you have left over food, refrigerate them for future consumption. Do not store cooked food in room temperature. No need to transfer your food in a new container, all you have to do is cover your serving dish with another plate since Ironstone is fridge safe.

7. Always clean your Ironstone dishes thoroughly after work. You have to clean the counter-tops and other utensils with soap and water before and after you prepare your food. If you have a dishwasher, make sure that your utensils are dishwasher safe like the Ironstone collection.

8. Lastly, Take note of these principles:

* Germs could be anywhere, even in the air. They lodge most at the kitchen sink and dirty dishes left unclean.

* Some germs die at cold temperature. Some die during heating process.

* Germs multiply fast in wet and soiled areas. Therefore, every place and every utensil you use in the kitchen should be clean and dry.

This is a soothing balm designed to help those who feel they lack unconditional love from others. Like me, you can grow to appreciate who you really are, and move on with your life. Raising your own self-esteem to newer levels will allow you to reclaim your personal values. If you do, you will establish new feelings which justify that you have a right to be here. Why am I writing this article? To help anyone who may be feeling low in self-esteem. Mental Health is an important issue nowadays.

I am a grown man who has been mercilessly punished by my three younger brothers for decades. The reason? Because I’m different. They have repeatedly told me that I am not a good person, and that I have failed everyone in my family. “You embarrass us because you speak to strangers.” Was one of their claims. “You can’t live without a partner in your life. We don’t need someone else in our life. You’re not like us!” Is another. “What? You write poems to your wife? What are you, a faggot?” Had been another…

It would appear that, to some, the image of a ‘real man’ is a male who doesn’t have a manicure. Yells at his wife at every opportunity, like one of my brothers does. Calls her every bad name under the sun, in public. I’ve seen it, he is relentless. When someone asks a ‘real man’ for an opinion you are meant to just nod and pretend you go along with it, but then criticize the hell out of that person the moment they turn their back. Rather than state your opinion in a constructive manner. What has happened to our debating skills in this millennium, anyway?

I am the eldest of four boys. Same parents and same traditional culture. You would think that those younger than me would be thinking in more ‘modern’ ways. But they don’t. Although they think that their ethos is the most correct, I personally find it to be antiquated. I remember once sitting at a café and there were five of us. One of my brothers had just been married so his young wife was sitting with us. After the waitress took our order and walked away the comments started flying around the table. They sounded like this, “Wow, did you see the tits on her?” said one. “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind slumping her over this table.” Remarked the married one. “How can you say things like that with your wife sitting right next to you?” I asked. “That’ll be right, another sermon from the great philosopher of life! What would you know? No-one wants to hear your opinion.” Was his rebuke.

This made me feel worthless and as if I did not belong. Like I had done something wrong. Some may see it as a form of bullying but I can tell you that it really puts chinks in your armour if you don’t change things. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Ever since then I have been on the outer. Even when our dad died the three sat together and ignored me. I mean, you would think that at a funeral some things would be smoothed out a little. But they were not. The feelings of inadequacy continue because they must punish because of who I am. I am different, first and final. I now feel good about me. I am comfortable in my own skin and clearly understand why others lash out like that.

Let’s jump right into it! The best thing you can do, as I found out, is to sit on your own in a quiet space with a pen and paper. Now, think of the things which make up your attributes. Try answering the question of ‘Who am I?’ by listing your skills, talents, past achievements, dreams and desires. It is not so much about material possession, but it is more about your own personal qualities. The stuff you can’t put in a bottle or measure. Once listed, re-read them. Ask yourself this, ‘Do I need anyone to keep these qualities in me?’ And see what happens. For a start, you will suddenly realize that sometimes people do lash out at you, ignore you, or disrespect you because they cannot be like you. They truly don’t understand you. So, who owns the problem? That’s right – they do! I hope that this message will help others who may be feeling on the outer, and who feel alone that much… that it is affecting their mental health.

I no longer worry about what my brothers say to me, or about me, or think of me. But I do offer you this, You have a right to be here!